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But how does our ransomware make you feel?

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 12:58:08 GMT

Psychology of ransomware threats unpicked

Ransomware crooks have become skilled psychological manipulators in their attempts to fleece victims of file-encrypting malware.…




Why you'll never make really big money as an AI dev

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 12:23:10 GMT

Artificial Intelligence? How the future was back in the '80s

Among the stupider things I said in the 1980s was a comment about Artificial Intelligence, including neural nets - or perceptrons as we called them back then - saying we needed "maybe a processor that worked at a hundred megahertz and literally gigabytes of storage".…




I've got a verbal govt contract for Hyperloop, claims His Muskiness

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 12:04:12 GMT

World+dog: Oh no you haven't!

The world's best business self-publicist since Richard Branson reckons he has been given a "verbal contract" to build an unrealistic high-speed tube train system across America.…




Vodafone reports sliding revenues but customers don't hate them as much

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 11:38:12 GMT

And India still a mighty struggle

Vodafone's UK reputation is improving thanks to network improvements, the company said, pointing to a higher net promoter score as it revealed its results today.…




Dump X-number of your Crew, DXC Technologies UK told. Hundreds face axe AGAIN

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 11:26:11 GMT

'Please stop leaking info to The Reg' says UK boss

Exclusive Less than four months after DXC Technologies was created and the Frankenfirm is already embarking on a second round of jobs cuts with hundreds of frontline support techies earmarked for the chop.…




Shut up and take my money! AI luminaries go gooey for Graphcore's smart chip tech

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 11:03:08 GMT

Investors shove another $30m into Bristolian startup's mitts

Bristolian AI chip startup Graphcore has had a fast B-round 12 months after its $32m A-round funding was first revealed.…




Volterman 'super wallet': The worst crowdsource video pitch of all time?

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 10:29:06 GMT

The cringe is strong with this one

Do you need a "smart" wallet with a built in front-facing camera and GPS? Of course you don't. Not even with a built-in Wi-Fi hotspot? Well, enough people do to make a success of an Indiegogo project promising just that.…




Virgin broadband latency probs still not fixed 6 months on

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 09:58:13 GMT

Promises firmware fix for superhub 3/Intel's Puma 6 'shortly'

Latency issues with Intel's Puma 6, used in gigabit broadband modems, have yet to be resolved for Virgin Media customers using the company's superhub 3.…




Reg reader turns Geek's Guides to Britain into Geek's Map of Britain

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 09:27:10 GMT

Too lazy to plug GPS co-ords into satnav? Fear not, gypsythief has saved you

A forward-thinking Reg reader has put the entirety of our Geeks’ Guide series onto a Google Map, for your navigational and geographically organised reading pleasure.…




Ten new tech terms I learnt this summer: Do you know them all?

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 09:11:08 GMT

Let's assume you've already heard of 'clickbait headline'

Something for the Weekend, Sir? I'll never forget the day I found my children looking at Spam for the first time. My son was particularly perplexed, asking: "Is that what I think it is?"…




You can't DevOps everything, kids. Off the shelf kit especially

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 08:34:29 GMT

Waterfalling for the, er, 'boring' stuff

Comment Hey, psst. Come over here, I have a secret to tell you. My fellow DevOps hoodwinkers would cement-shoe me for saying so, but you don't always need to do the DevOps. In fact, in many cases, it's likely a waste of effort. Let's start walking this way, briskly, now – I think I see some pink and chromatic blue fade-tipped Thought Lords and Ladies coming down the hallway towards us. They look like they're ready to do a blameful pre-mortem.…




The lady (or man) vanishes: The thorny issue of GDPR coding

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 08:03:13 GMT

The Devil is in the enhanced data model

The General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) is now less than a year away, coming into effect in May 2018, and any legal or compliance department worth its salary should already have been making waves about what it means for your organisation. As a technology pro, you know that these waves will lap up against the side of your boat. You're probably going to have to recode something somewhere. The question is what, why, and how bad is it going to be?…




User filed fake trouble tickets to take helpful sysadmin to lunches

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 07:33:09 GMT

Reg reader was shouted at for a problem the customer created, but won his respect and apologies

ON-CALL Hey, hey, it's Friday! Which means frolicsome weekend fun is just a day away … if you can survive work and this week's instalment of On-Call, The Register's weekly column in which we recount readers stories of jobs gone weird.…




Boffins back bubbles for better bonding with beautiful belongings

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 07:01:13 GMT

AKA how to watermark 3D printed stuff with air bubbles

To mark and track 3D printed objects, boffins propose injecting them with air.…




Q. What's today's top language? A. Python... no, wait, Java... no, C

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 06:29:12 GMT

Just learn them all and stop worrying about the popularity contest

Among developers, Python is the most popular programming language, followed by C, Java, C++, and JavaScript; among employers, Java is the most sought after, followed by C, Python, C++, and JavaScript.…




Burglary, robbery, kidnapping and a shoot-out over… a domain name?!

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 06:02:11 GMT

When transfers go really, really wrong, allegedly

A home break-in that resulted in two men being shot – one of whom was later charged with burglary, robbery and kidnapping – was the result of a domain name dispute, cops have said.…




Moneysupermarket fined £80,000 for spamming seven million customers

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 05:32:05 GMT

Go compare the original opt-out request, firm told

Price-comparison darling Moneysupermarket.com has been fined £80,000 for sending 7.1 million emails to customers who had opted out of receiving direct marketing emails.…




Authorities go hard on coffee maker for stiff Viagra-powered brew

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 05:03:11 GMT

Is that a DIMM in your pocket or have you been at this banned bean again?

How's this for a stiff one to start the day? We now go live to America, where watchdogs have recalled a batch of coffee for containing an active ingredient very similar to Viagra.…




Microsoft finally allows hosted desktops on multi-tenant hardware

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 04:02:09 GMT

Windows 10 enterprise licences to gain virtualization rights, plus roaming to personal devices

Microsoft's dispensed with a licensing oddity that saw it prohibit hosted virtual desktops running on multi-tenanted hardware.…




Bluetooth makes a mesh of itself with new spec

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 02:58:07 GMT

Up to 32,000 nodes without routers in the middle and battery life measured in years

The Bluetooth Special Interest Group has released the spec for Bluetooth Mesh, a many-to-many extension of the technology.…




ServiceNow stops over in Jakarta in its journey to AI-land

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 02:04:06 GMT

SaaS-y business process simplifier adds security chat rooms, cloud management and more to new release

ServiceNow's Jakarta release went live on Thursday, bringing with it plenty of new toys for IT departments and hints of artificially intelligent things to come.…




They say we're too mean to Microsoft. Well, how about this... Redmond just had a stonking year. And only 8% tax. Whee!

Fri, 21 Jul 2017 00:58:48 GMT

Paid -17% tax rate for Q4 despite making $72m every day

In its final quarter of its fiscal 2017, Microsoft more than doubled its profits, saw massive cloud growth, and managed to get a rebate from US taxpayers at the same time.…




So, FCC, how about that massive DDoS? Hello? Hello...? You still there?

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 22:27:12 GMT

Like trying to get blood out of a stone

Updated America's broadband watchdog, the FCC, has declined to share any more details on the cyber-assault that apparently downed its website shortly after it announced its intent to kill net neutrality.…




US Homeland Sec boss has snazzy new laptop bomb scanning tech – but admits he doesn't know what it's called

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 22:01:03 GMT

Fscking nerds, Secretary John Kelly sighs

Flying into America? Don't worry about that crackdown on laptops and similar gear in your carry-on luggage. It's no longer happening. No, instead, the US has something else up its sleeve.…




Alphabay shutdown: Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do? Not use your Hotmail...

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 20:28:44 GMT

...or the Feds will get you ♪

Analysis The alleged owner of dark-web marketplace AlphaBay was tracked down by FBI because he was stupid enough to include his real Hotmail address in the content management system used to run the site.…




Death to strap-ons, says Intel, yet thrusts its little AI stick into us all

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 20:14:58 GMT

Behold, the neural network gizmo Chipzilla will quietly kill in two years, like its wearables

Intel, having accepted the inevitable, has dropped out of the wearables and fitness band game, and canned the teams working on that strap-on tech.…




Second one this month: Another code bootcamp decamps to graveyard

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 19:48:32 GMT

'Unable to find a sustainable model' complains crashed programming crash course

The Iron Yard, a four-year-old coding bootcamp based in South Carolina, USA, said on Thursday that it is shutting its doors.…




UK uni warns students of phishers trying to nick their tuition fees

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 19:18:10 GMT

♪ You shall have a phishy on a little dishy when the hack comes in

Foreign students looking to experience the stochastic joys of a year at Newcastle University in England are being warned that phishers are after their cash – using an unusually well-crafted attack.…




Huawei reckons it can strong ARM its way into AI world with new chips

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 18:32:20 GMT

We're assuming Chinese giant will use ARM in ML processors. It probably will, right?

Chinese systems colossus Huawei claims it is developing chips optimized for artificial-intelligence tasks.…




Toshiba's spat with WDC over chip biz is now a song of strife and ire

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 16:33:45 GMT

Court orders only prolong bid process, and winter is coming

Toshiba regained a right to lock WDC (SanDisk) employees from their joint-venture fab in Yokkaichi, Japan, reversing WDC's court-obtained Temporary Restraining Order, which was won earlier this month.…




White boxer is a white racker: Supermicro touts Rack Scale Design

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 16:04:08 GMT

VBlock-like converged systems

Building servers, switches and storage are a good racket for ODM Supermicro but building Vblock-like rack scale systems is an even better one.…




Cops harpoon two dark net whales in megabust: AlphaBay and Hansa

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 15:38:23 GMT

Tor won't shield you, warn Feds

Two of the largest dark net marketplaces - AlphaBay and Hansa - have been shut down following an international police operation.…




Just look at our cloud sales, beams profit-sapped SAP

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 15:17:12 GMT

Boost to 2017 cloud guidance as revenue rises 29%

SAP has reported revenues of €5.8bn in the quarter ending June 30, up 10 per cent on the previous year’s figure.…




The eyes have IT: TSB to roll out iris-scanning tech for mobile banking

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 14:56:06 GMT

Biometrics, certificates combo to shore up security

TSB has announced plans to roll out iris-scanning technology for its mobile banking app from September.…




Uber, Twitter's legal eagles gather to wring claws about bro culture

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 14:31:08 GMT

Time to expand the brocabulary

Lawyers from Uber and Twitter spoke about ways to curb "bro culture" in the male-dominated world of Silicon Valley at an annual judicial conference this week.…




UK households hit by 1.8m computer misuse offences in a year

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 14:02:12 GMT

Stats show few report such crimes to cops

The number of incidents of computer misuse in England and Wales reached 1.8 million in the year up to March 2015, according to official crime statistics released today.…




NHS trusts splashed £260m on PCs in last four years

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 13:28:32 GMT

Obviously not enough to stop Wannacry...

In the last four years, NHS Trusts have spent £260m on 401,084 new PCs, at an average cost of £650.54 a box, according to Freedom of Information responses.…




This is why old Windows Phones won't run PC apps

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 12:53:54 GMT

The Tale of the Left Behind

Thanks to Qualcomm, x86 support is coming to Windows 10 ARM phones and tablets - but not to older Lumia devices. In a webcast, Joe Belfiore, these days the corporate VP in the OS Group at Microsoft, has explained why.…




'Coke dealer' called us after his stash was stolen – cops

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 12:37:16 GMT

Sir, what is your occupation? Um, what?

A man called the cops to report that cash and a bag of Columbian marching powder stashed in his car had been nicked, police arrest documents have revealed.…




Feature snatcher Microsoft tweaks OneDrive

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 12:01:04 GMT

But Placeholders won't be replaced until autumn

Neither Apple nor Microsoft has a great history with their cloud graveyards consumer cloud file systems, tripping up users with frequent strategy lurches and abandoning features over the years.…




UK mobile number porting creaks: Arcane system shows its age

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 11:41:08 GMT

Any, sorry, many ports in a storm...

Comment Problems with the way the UK has implemented mobile phone call routing are emerging as an architecture designed for a small volume of calls struggles under the weight of usage.…




No one still thinks iOS is invulnerable to malware, right? Well, knock it off

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 11:07:58 GMT

As platform's popularity rose, so did its allure to miscreants

The comforting notion that iOS devices are immune to malicious code attacks has taken a knock following the release of a new study by mobile security firm Skycure.…




HMS Frigatey Mcfrigateface given her official name

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 10:42:25 GMT

It's Glasgow, before you lot get too excited

The first of the Royal Navy's new Type 26 frigates has been named HMS Glasgow, recycling the name for the fourth time in the last 100 years.…




Oracle's FS1 storage array fades into cloud like tears in rain

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 10:09:24 GMT

Big Red vapourises SAN tower, wants clients to do the same

+Comment Oracle is refocusing its FS1 storage array into its own public cloud away from on-premises sales.…




Yeah, WannaCry hit Windows, but what about the WannaCry of apps?

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 09:12:07 GMT

Patching done proper

WannaCrypt crippled 230,000 Windows PCs internationally, hitting unpatched Windows 7 and Windows Server 2008 and computers still running Microsoft's seriously old Windows XP, though the latter wasn't responsible for its spread.…




Breathless F-35 pilots to get oxygen boost via algorithm tweak

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 08:32:12 GMT

'OMG zillion-dollar jet is hackable' conspiracy theories in 3, 2, 1...

The oxygen deprivation problems that choked F-35 pilots will be fixed through a software update, according to US reports – with the UK's handful of F-35B jets also in line for the fix.…




House of Lords to probe AI data slurping

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 08:02:06 GMT

Who owns all that valuable training info?

How technology giants own and use your data will be a focus for our noble and learned friends on the new House of Lords Select Committee on Artificial Intelligence.…




We're all saved. From the killer AI. We can live. Thanks to the IEEE

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 07:28:11 GMT

Rest assured, your personal software agent has been tested for loyalty

Amid renewed calls to regulate AI before it wipes humanity from the planet, The Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE) has rolled out a standards project to guide how AI agents handle data, part of a broader effort to ensure AI will act ethically.…




UK.gov watchdog didn't red flag any IT projects. And that alone should be a red flag to everyone

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 07:04:13 GMT

Transparency is welcome – but you gotta read between the lines

Analysis The BBC’s release of its top earners’ salaries this week stirred up both long-time detractors of Auntie and dyed-in-the-wool supporters.…




Crazy bug of the week: Gnome Files' .MSI parser runs evil VBScripts

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 06:30:04 GMT

Grab a fix now

Gnome developers, take a bow: a bug in your image thumbnailer has opened up a (not too scary, thankfully) hole for script injection.…