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Preview: Capn Ken's Homespun Wisdom

Capn Ken's Homespun Wisdom

Last Build Date: Thu, 25 Jan 2018 01:26:34 PST


Thu, 10 Mar 2005 14:49:41 PST



Thu, 03 Feb 2005 16:15:12 PST

Ignore this  


Thu, 03 Feb 2005 16:12:42 PST

Ignore this  


Tue, 21 Dec 2004 17:37:59 PST

Relax, it's a test post

Mon, 08 Nov 2004 07:29:30 PST

OK, I'm more convinced now that Jessica Pivik is taking herself seriously (or maybe just using her column to research her own personal issues). Her column in this week's LSU Reveille is another "exploration" of medical issues rather than a (poor) attempt at shocking sexual humor. Rather than bore you with a link to her column, I'd like to suggest that you re-visit the best On Top column ever

What's up with CNN?

Wed, 03 Nov 2004 05:05:00 PST

OK, so the wife and I have post-election coverage on this morning. I think everybody knows that CNN is refusing to call Ohio for Bush, but in flipping around, we noticed that even discounting Ohio, CNN has a different elector count than the other networks. So I went on line and checked out the red/blue maps. In Ohio, which CNN says is "too close to call", Bush has a lead of 136,000 votes,

Blow Me - I voted!

Tue, 02 Nov 2004 10:30:24 PST

I spent a full hour at the polling place this morning in order to vote. And, if polls are to be believed, the only real meaningful vote I may have cast was against the Jesus-lovers' anti-gay-marriage amendment here in Georgia. And that'll probably pass anyway. If not for the responsibility I feel to stand up for gay folks (and against Christians), I probably would have bagged it. But I stuck it

"Cincinnati's crazy for Cornhole"

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 12:21:06 PST

That's right. Hard-working, steadfast Ohioans can't get enough of the cornhole. In fact, the cornhole craze is catching on across America. Looking to get into cornhole? a Google Search is a good place to start. And if you want to see some folks enjoying cornhole, a Google Image Search can be quite helpful. IMPORTANT NOTE: This link will launch a Google Images "safe search on" result set. The

Today's sign that we'll learn about the apocalypse from PR Newswire

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 10:14:23 PST

There's a lot of stuff that comes across my RSS reader every day, and for reasons known only to my human friends, many of them concern Google. So a couple of minutes ago, a Yahoo! News-delivered press release was picked up because it mentions Google. Here's the release: Simply Wow(r) Achieves Top Ranking on Search Engine Placement Results at IDAHO FALLS, Idaho, Nov. 1, 2004 (

This week with Jessica Pivik

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 08:10:14 PST

Well, it's good to see Jessica Pivik is taking the journalism advice of The Cap'n. In this week's wonderful article on "jelqing", Jessica gives full attribution to all of her Googled "sources". Well done. But she writes about the "jelqing" technique with what appears to be first-hand (so to speak) knowledge. I'd imagine she lifted the details of the process from Google, but what if she really

Rock me like a hurricane ... please?

Sun, 31 Oct 2004 13:29:57 PST

The wife and I braved a swarm of costumed, underage, commercial radio listeners last night in order to see Jet live. The dirty Aussie lads have played precious few gigs in the U.S. this year, so the 99X Halloween show was our only sure shot to see them. If you don't know Jet - they are some serious rockin' mofos. And herein lies my problem with the show last night. Somebody turned down the

2 bits, 4 bits, 6 bits, a dollar. All for the Tigers, sit down and be quiet

Fri, 29 Oct 2004 07:37:40 PDT

I'd never really noticed the little area of Tiger Stadium's student section where everybody sits down during the game. But my buddy Scott pointed it out during the Troy game last weekend. Sure enough, while almost all of the student section (the northwest part of the stadium) is a stand-on-the-bleachers-the-whole-game kind of place, there was a little patch in the back of the endzone where

Damn, you girls are fat!

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 08:33:44 PDT

So there's this new CDC study out today that compares the average height and weight of Americans in 1960 to those in 2002. Of course, Americans are much fatter and only a little taller now. But here's the stat that really floored me: The average American woman is 5'4" and weighs 164 pounds. Damn! Since when did Star Jones become the standard-issue American woman? I know you ladies all weigh

GTA San Andreas

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 06:37:01 PDT

The wife and I busted the seal on Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas last night, and as she mentioned, Lieberman is going to freak. With about two hours of gameplay under my belt, I've discovered the following: • The dialogue (Samuel Jackson is among the voice talent) goes way out of its way to drop F-bombs whenever possible. • The soundtrack features every rap song ever released that has F-bombs

The Wisdom on the move

Wed, 27 Oct 2004 12:08:49 PDT

Back up the U-Haul, friend. The Wisdom is moving. That's right. The Wisdom has a new home: Why the move? Well ... why not? I've got a better chance of achieving my goal of world domination if I'm publishing at my own URL, right? You'll notice that The New Wisdom is living under its own directory (/wisdom/), so you would be correct to infer that may

This week with Dr. Jessica

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 11:01:55 PDT

I had another moment of clarity about Jessica Pivik in reading her latest column (which the Reveille had the good sense not to link to) today. I think she takes herself seriously. Jessica may actually believe her column is important and helps LSU students (who don't know what Google is) understand the important sexual issues of the day. I hadn't realized that before. But she closes this

"Cap'n Ken has left the building ..."

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 20:15:51 PDT

Thanks to all of you down in Baton Rouge who came out for "The Wisdom - LIVE!" tour stop this weekend. I'm sorry we ran short on the "I F*cked Jessica Pivik" t-shirts and "Pray for Cap'n Ken" trucker hats, but they'll be back in stock soon. OK, I was really just down there for a football game, but at times it seemed more like a Cap'n Ken Meetup. I got MP3 player advice, yet another reminder to

Ken Takes Five

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 06:58:53 PDT

Flyin' through Dothan with my radio / Taylor's Old Time Opry's playin' Hank Snow ...OK, that's a pretty obscure Georgia Satellites reference. And I'm flyin' through Atmore, not Dothan. And Hank Snow's hard to find, even on Sirius.But it's been too long since I've done some stupid/fun crap like step off a 4-hour flight at 5:30 a.m. and head straight off to Baton Rouge to meet folks for lunch. So

Gosh I'm looking forward to this flight

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 21:49:43 PDT

For those of you not up to date on The Cap'n's travels, I'm sitting at LAX (9:50 p.m. local time) waiting for a red-eye back to Atlanta.When I get back to Hartsfield, I'm driving straight down to Baton Rouge for the LSU game.The plan: get some sleep on the plane.The problem: the plane is full (of people coming back east from Hawaii), and right now The Cap'n has a middle-seat assignment. Not the

It's snowing in L.A.

Wed, 20 Oct 2004 06:33:34 PDT

Well, not really. It's raining, and apparently rain in L.A. is like snow in Atlanta. Everybody freaks. The news last night had reporters standing out in the rain like it was a hurricane, kicking at the four inches of water running down the gutter (they call this "street flooding"). They showed storefronts with sand bags in their doorways, although the water wasn't even over the curb. Now,

Me? A Diet Coke problem?

Tue, 19 Oct 2004 13:06:42 PDT

I'm not used to getting lectured by stewardesses.But on my flight to L.A. this morning, a friendly Delta gal took it upon herself to try to save The Cap'n from the evils of phenylketonurics.During beverage service, her response to my request for a full can of Diet Coke was something to the effect of "you really should be careful about drinking too much of this stuff." This was before she noticed

"Jessica Pivik, please come to the Dean's office"

Mon, 18 Oct 2004 08:31:16 PDT

You know, I make fun of Jessica Pivik for lifting the "sources" for her pointless sex column from Google searches, but reading her column this morning, I was struck with a question: Is Jessica guilty of academic misconduct because of her plagiarism? The LSU Code of Conduct cites as a specific example of "Academic Misconduct": Committing Plagiarism. "Plagiarism" is defined as the unacknowledged

Jon Stewart - Tucker Carlson melee

Mon, 18 Oct 2004 07:38:28 PDT

Over at That Yellow Bastard this morning, Jimmy was praising Jon Stewart for dressing down Tucker Carlson on CNN's Crossfire. I have to admit, I'd heard nothing about it (the wife's sister and boyfriend were in town this weekend). So I went out and found the transcript at I'm presenting the Stewart segment below in (almost) its entirety because it's beautiful. Yes, Stewart is a leftist.


Fri, 15 Oct 2004 08:43:17 PDT

My buddy Dave emailed me yesterday with what seemed to me to be a really stupid question: "Hey, do you think LSU still has a shot to play in the SEC Championship?" My reply - Um, no. [editor's note: Football analysis follows. Ladies, please feel free to leave the room at this point.] We lost to West rival Auburn, who happens to be undefeated and through the harder part (LSU and Tennessee) of

Where the hell is everybody?

Fri, 15 Oct 2004 06:14:06 PDT

The wife and I (yes, we carpool) heading out for work at our regular time this morning, but apparently we're the only ones going to work today. We crossed over I-20 on our sneaky back way to the Downtown Connector, and cars were just zipping along. Then we get on the Connector, and you'd have thought it was 6 a.m. on a Sunday. The wife said she felt like Tom Cruise in the beginning of Vanilla