Awaken The Leader Within You

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 16:32:00 -0500

In 1937, during the Great Depression, Napoleon Hill wrote “Think and Grow Rich” – one of the best books ever written on the subject of personal development and success. Napoleon Hill has inspired millions of people and has been a major influence in the work of today’s biggest motivational speakers and coaches, including Steven Covey and Anthony Robbins. In his book, Napoleon Hill discusses eleven traits of successful leaders. Not only are these leadership characteristics essential in any professional leadership role, more importantly, they can serve you as great points of reference in your personal life. You are the leader of your own life. You shape your destiny based on the choices and decisions you make each and every day. Keep this list in mind as you navigate through your own life’s journey. These cornerstone qualities will heighten your awareness and encourage you to assume full responsibility for your life and become the leader you were meant to be. Life Coaching Questions: As you read through the list below, ask yourself the following questions: Which leadership qualities am I consciously expressing in my daily life? What personal qualities are not in alignment with my current lifestyle? What leadership traits are currently not being expressed in my life? What is preventing me from integrating them into my life? How can I become a better steward of my own life? What am I committed to? What choices will I make? Here are the eleven leadership traits as discussed by Napoleon Hill. 1. Unwavering courage 2. Self control 3. A keen sense of justice 4. Definiteness of decision 5. Definiteness of plans 6. Doing more than one is paid for 7. A pleasing personality 8. Sympathy and understanding 9. Mastery of detail 10. Willingness to assume full responsibility 11. Cooperation  [...]

The Power of Intention

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 07:30:00 -0500

In this video, St. Louis life coach and career consultant Dieter Pauwels talks with Christine Buck about the Power of Intention on KPLR11 in St. Louis. Setting your intent is a powerful force for co-creating your own reality and attracting certain experiences and outcomes in your life. If you want to have a better job, a different career, or a more fulfilling relationship, it starts with setting and stating your intention.

The Power of Intention from Dieter Pauwels on Vimeo.

Life Coaching Principles of Attraction: A Positive Attitude

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 10:19:00 -0500

In this video Life and career coach Dieter Pauwels talks about the importance of developing a postive attitude in creating the life and career you want on KPLR11 News at Noon in St. Louis, MO. (video)

Life Coaching Principles of Attraction: A Positive Attitude (video) from Dieter Pauwels on Vimeo.

Stress Reduction: Deep Breathing Techniques

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 10:27:00 -0500

Stress often causes us to breathe shallowly and this almost always causes increased stress. Mentally scan your body for physical tension. Does your chest feel tight?
If so, you may be holding your breath without even knowing it. Shallow breathing puts less oxygen into the blood stream, producing an increase in muscle tension. When you experience headaches or feel anxious and uptight, try this:

 

• Choose a comfortable place to sit, preferably away from other people. Sit up straight and keep your feet flat on the floor. Imagine and feel your feet being rooted and connected to the earth.
  
• Place your hand on your chest. Place the other hand at your middle Dan Tian, one of your body's three reservoirs of energy centered at the middle of the chest.
  
• Begin taking slow, deep belly breaths. Concentrate on your body expanding and contracting. Visualize your energy sinking lower and lower into your body. Continue this breathing exercise for one to three minutes or a minimum of ten sets.  Breathing into the lower Dan Tian (below the naval) helps release fear and anxiety. In doing so, you create additional stability, and become more centered and secure within yourself and your body.

Life Coaching Principles of Attraction | Body Posture

Sat, 23 May 2009 14:45:00 -0500

In this video, career coach and personal life coach Dieter Pauwels talks with Christine Buck about the importance of maintaining good posture on News at Noon at KPLR11 St. Louis. Your body language is an important part of your communication and a skill that can enhance your personal and professional life.

Posture and Body Language from Dieter Pauwels on Vimeo.

The Hidden Messages of Negative Emotions

Mon, 04 May 2009 16:47:00 -0500

Negative emotions such as fear, stress, anxiety, guilt, or resentment burn your will power and drain your energy more and faster than anything else in your life.

Emotions are labels we put on ourselves to describe a very personal physical experience. They arise from personal judgment, low self-esteem or a lack of trust in your own capabilities. These labels confine you to an imaginary box and inhibit your innate ability to learn, grow and expand.

Seek truth in your body

When you experience anxiety, fear, stress or worry, be aware that these emotional states are logical and intuitive responses to uncertainty. However, prolonged exposure to these negative emotional states can affect your self esteem and erode your self confidence.

Pay attention to your emotions. Allow yourself to feel your stress, anxiety or fear instead of avoiding, rationalizing or judging it. How do you experience stress? How does fear express itself in your body? How does anxiety feel? How does worry move through your body?

Once you acknowledge and become fully present with your emotions, you can start to take control of your own feelings, instead of having them run your life. There is tremendous personal power in facing what feels uncomfortable at first.

In his bestselling book, “The Power of Now”, Eckhart Tolle wrote that “If you keep your attention in the body as much as possible, you will be anchored in the Now. You won’t lose yourself in the external world, and you won’t lose yourself in your mind.”

We don’t typically consider the possibility that our emotional experience is there to teach us something. When you allow yourself to feel what you’re really feeling and listen to the truth in your body, you will gain remarkable insights into who you are and the emotional needs you have been avoiding or ignoring.

Frequently returning negative emotions give you an opportunity to become more aware of what’s really going on in your life.

Start moving

Energy in motion creates emotion. The energy needed to move forward and fully engage in the process of your life comes from your emotional state. Moving will not only discharge some of your anxious energy but it will change your emotional state. You will feel like you are doing something and moving forward.

Take action

Create a list of 5 things you can do or steps you can take to make your lifestyle congruent with that what you really want and need in your life. Each step will help to further dissolve the negative emotion bit by bit, bringing hope and empowering you to continue to take action toward meeting your challenge.

Life Coach joins KPLR News 11 at Noon in St. Louis

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:29:00 -0500

The launch of News 11 at Noon on April 6 marked a new venture into the daytime news market for the station. Anchored by KPLR's well respected news veteran Christine Buck, the one-hour program highlights local news, national headlines, live breaking news, weather and daily features. Christine Buck, who has been with the station for over 30 years has been honored and recognized for her work as well as her community involvement.

Joining Christine Buck each day on News 11 at Noon is Chief Meteorologist, John Fuller, who provides in-depth weather reports as well as news features on a regular basis. Fuller, who has been with KPLR-TV since November 2008, brings a loyal following from his many years as a popular meteorologist in the market.

Life and Career Coach, Dieter Pauwels will appear every Friday on KPLR-TV's News 11 at Noon. You can watch the daily highlights of each show at http://www.cw11tv.com/news/noon_show

Change What Really Matters

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 18:26:00 -0500

We live in a world with tremendous possibilities, endless opportunities and more choices than during any other time in history. With the choices and freedoms we enjoy, come a variety of challenges. The choices we make are not always positive. In fact, some of them can be self-destructive. Choices bring with them increased responsibilities, challenges and changes. In the face of the myriad of options we have, our challenge is to make decisions that will advance ourselves, our communities, and our world. Change and challenge often combined leave us in dynamic, fast paced and complex situations that we are not always prepared to deal with. Change, and the challenge of dealing with it, creates anxiety, discomfort and a feeling of uncertainty among many of us. We simply become overwhelmed in the face of change - with all the other tasks and responsibilities that we have, the challenge to change is sometimes just too much. When you feel this overwhelmed and burdened you want to reconnect with yourself and others – you want to make sense of what is happening and assimilate it with what you know to be true and certain. You would think that in the digital wonderland we live in, with information technology like the Internet at our fingertips, finding these connections would be fast and easy. The reality is though, that despite these technologies (or perhaps because of them) we have become increasingly disconnected from ourselves, others, and the world around us. More and more people are waking up to the fact that we need to get back to what really matters, what really will have an impact on our personal sense of safety, security, and well-being. Increasingly people everywhere are starting to re-evaluate their life's direction. This re-evaluation is happening at a personal level and at an organizational level as well. Now is the time for companies to start realizing the importance of working with their employees to create great work cultures that stimulate, motivate, and inspire people to be the best they can be. Now is the time for organizations to create cultures people can belong to. In times of change or any other adversity, whether it is a personal change or a business transition, people in general tend to respond in two different ways: they withdraw for self preservation or they face their fear of change head on. The interesting thing however, is that both responses are motivated by the same need – the need we all have for a sense of certainty in our lives. Change, by definition, is uncertain, and our reaction to change reflects a desperate need to gain a bit of control. Whatever the change you are facing, you can choose to deal with it head-on or head in the sand. Those who choose the head in the sand approach when faced with adversity are the people who shut down and withdraw themselves. They do this in order to protect themselves. Their feelings of frustration, anger, and anxiety are too much to cope with all at once, so they retreat. Unfortunately their flight causes them to disconnect not just from themselves and their personal needs, but from others and the world around them as well. This disconnection is a fear reaction and if you run away from fear, you miss the opportunity to learn, to grow and to attract the things you really want in your life. Fear of change is what prompts self-limiting behaviors and thoughts, rather than seize the opportunity to learn from the challenge and seek new truths about yourself. A much more productive and positive reaction to changes and challenges is to face the fear head on. Rather than disconnect, this is a time to reconnect – reconnect with the person you really are – at your core. Re-ignite your passion and meet face your challenges from a place of authenticity, resourcefulness and centeredness. When you are able to see every chall[...]

Barriers to Change

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 11:31:00 -0500

If you're like me, and most other people, there are things in your life that you wish were different and would like to change for the better. Although you may have had the best intentions to change in the past, for some reason you have not been able to successfully achieve the results you want.   Perhaps you have wanted to kick a bad habit. Or you feel you deserve a raise or promotion at work, yet something is preventing you from asking for it. Alternatively, you find yourself in a relationship that is no longer fulfilling. Maybe you have wanted to lose weight, and have tried all the miracle diets, or joined a local health club, but never shed those extra pounds.   What could prevent you from making the changes you desire?   1. Positive side effects  Sometimes you may try to create change in your life, but you are not consciously aware of the positive benefits or side effects that you are getting from your current situation. Some people who label themselves as depressed, stay depressed, because of the extra emotional attention they are receiving from family and friends. The desire for attention, or the need for significance, becomes a strong enough motivator for them to stay depressed. Think about the positive benefits of the situation you would like to change. What are some of the emotional, mental or physical positive side effects of your current situation? How important are these benefits to you? How could you maintain the same positive side effect by making the change you desire?   2. Inner conflict   Sometimes you may resist the change you think you want, because of an inner conflict between the values you hold.   Values are basically ideals that are important to you in your life. They are usually expressed in abstract terms such as success, respect, freedom, health, love, loyalty, honesty, integrity and so forth.   Let's assume that you want to get a promotion at work but never asked for it.   Now imagine for a moment that you actually did receive the promotion you wanted. What would getting a promotion mean to you? More money? And how important would that be compared to some other values that you hold?    If a promotion means a better paycheck, but it also means more time away from your family, this may create inner conflict which will likely cause you to resist moving forward. What you resist will persist!   3. Self-limiting beliefs and thoughts   Another reason why you might resist change is because t you’re holding on to limiting or outdated beliefs that prevent you from moving forward and getting the results you really want.   Think about the change you want to make …   How confident are you that reaching your goal or outcome is possible for you? Do you believe that you have what it takes to make that change? In other words, do you believe that you are truly capable of getting what you want? Do you believe you are deserving of the change you want?   Now, again imagine that you already successfully achieved your outcome. How would this new situation affect you and the people around you? And, would that be okay?    By exploring some of the questions above, you may discover some limiting beliefs you hold about yourself or the situation you want to change.    It is only when you become consciously aware of the internal barriers - positive side effects, conflicting values or limiting beliefs - that you will be able to make a full personal commitment to the process of change. [...]

Remembering names made easy

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 15:32:00 -0500

Remember the last time you were at a networking event or a reception and you were introduced to someone, yet within a few minutes after the introduction you could not remember her name? Or you were having dinner and someone you met before walked into the restaurant, but you could not recall his name? Does that sound familiar? What did you do? Did you look the other way hoping he wouldn’t recognize you? Did you ask to see his picture ID? Probably not.  Did you tell him that you remember he had a very unusual name and asked him to pronounce it for you again? If the person had a foreign sounding name like mine, I guess you were lucky, but if his name was John, that would have been somewhat embarrassing. Growing up, we have all learned different memory strategies, from repeating names or sentences out loud several times, or making visualizations, or writing things out on paper, or a combination of all of the above. I would like to share with you a fun and very effective strategy for remembering names. How does it work? 1. Focus The neurological pathway in the brain that is used to process your internal dialogue is the same pathway used for selective listening. Have you ever attended a presentation but you were so caught up with other thoughts that you didn’t hear a word that was being said? Focus your attention fully on the other person while they’re saying their name. Look the person in the eyes for a few seconds while shaking their hand firmly. 2. Listen and repeat Listen attentively to the person saying their name and repeat their name back to them. If you’re not sure how to spell the name, ask them to spell it out for you. Rest assured, people love to say their name! 3. Visualize Pick your favorite color (mine is blue), and imagine writing their name in big bright letters on their forehead.  Keep this image in your mind anywhere between 5 and 10 seconds. Make sure you don’t use small letters as they are harder to read and remember. While seeing the name clearly printed on their forehead, repeat the name to yourself silently a couple of times. It also helps to use the same voice qualities of the person, and it makes it more fun. 4. Write it The final step is to write the person’s name on your hip or in the air. I recommend you keep your hand movements fairly small … Why does it work? The reason this strategy for remembering names is so effective is because it uses the main three sensory representational channels - visual, auditory and kinesthetic. But don’t take my word for it, just try it and have some fun!   Dieter Pauwels is a career life coach, speaker and author based in St. Louis, MO. He facilitates personal and organizational transformation and works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, navigate change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness. [...]

Setting Personal Boundaries: The Power of Choice

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:46:00 -0500

"Each human being has been granted a virtue: The capacity to choose. For he who does not use his virtue, it becomes a curse – and others will always choose for him."  – Paulo Coelho Personal boundaries define your personal preferences; they outline what is acceptable to you and what is not, based on your values, your beliefs and personal philosophy. They define how you allow others to treat you.  Your capacity and freedom to choose allows you to define healthy personal boundaries. The main purpose of setting boundaries is to protect, respect and take care of yourself. Unless you are able to recognize and honestly communicate your personal boundaries, you’ll never be able to respect and truly love yourself and get in touch with who you really are. Establishing boundaries in your personal and professional life is an important step in taking full responsibility for yourself and taking ownership of your daily choices. Without a clear understanding of who you are and what makes you unique, it is difficult to create healthy emotional boundaries. Healthy boundaries come from a good sense of self-worth, which promotes high self esteem and self confidence.  When your sense of self-worth is dependent on your relationships, your work or career, you’re giving away your personal power. You’re setting yourself up to be a victim of circumstances over which you have little or no control. You’ll become reactive to negative events in your life and you feel as if you have no choice in the matter. When you are not clear about your personal boundaries, or you have established weak boundaries, you invite others to take control of your choices, and thus your life. Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship, a career or a job? Did you feel resentful, frustrated, angry or perhaps victimized? Did you blame your boss, your spouse, or perhaps the state of the economy? When you feel that you don’t have a choice, you’ll find yourself doing things you don’t want to, or doing things that you feel you should or must do. Next time you hear yourself saying words like "I have to", "I must", or "I need to", remember that you always had and have a choice. Change the words "I must" or "I have to" and replace them with "I choose to", and notice your reaction and emotional response. Recognizing and accepting that you do have choices is the first step to consciously setting healthy boundaries. This process takes time, genuine intention and courage. Your heightened awareness will empower you to choose in every situation. You will choose to say YES to those things in your life that make you feel more alive, and say NO to those things and people that continue to drain your energy. The choice is yours. Dieter Pauwels is a professional certified life and career coach based in St. Louis, MO. As a coach, speaker and author, he facilitates personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness. You can visit his life and business coaching website at or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on this blog. [...]

On the Wings of Change

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 18:26:00 -0500

What can the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly teach us about personal development, emotional boundaries, change and creating new possibilities?  Consider the following. Every caterpillar has a specific destiny - to become a butterfly. Though it has no choice in the matter – it will always be a butterfly! – It must nonetheless eat to gain strength and size to reach its potential as a beautiful winged creature. That you have a free will and so many choices, of course, only heightens your responsibility to find your true vocation in life. Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist who survived the horror of the Nazi death camps during World War II, wrote in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, that life charges each of us to carry out a specific mission. This particular task is ours alone, for our lives can neither be replaced, nor repeated. "There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why." (W. Barcley) You cannot become a butterfly by remaining a caterpillar. At first, a caterpillar protects itself from the outside world, wrapped inside a chrysalis. It then grows and strengthens itself until the day it is ready to emerge as a whole new being. Just like a caterpillar, you want to give yourself permission to seek a safe space at times to cherish, rejuvenate, reflect, strengthen - and sometimes heal - yourself for your continued journey toward freedom, success, happiness and fulfillment.  Yet, you cannot become what you want by remaining what you are. Whatever you choose to become, you must be prepared to break out of the cocoon of self-limiting beliefs, past hurts, regrets and fears that hold you back, and do the work required – whatever the risks. Because for things to change in your life, you have to change! "You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of." (Jim Rohn) Once a butterfly, you can never go back to being a caterpillar. Once you break out of your limiting and self-imposed cocoon, you will create new insights, new possibilities for growth – and even more change. Welcome change as an opportunity to grow and to become more of who you really are. About Dieter Pauwels: Dieter Pauwels is a professional personal  life coach, business and career coach, speaker and author, facilitating personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness. You can visit his life coaching and business coaching website at or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business coaching blog.[...]

Losing Your Identity

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 07:45:00 -0500

When people talk and think about the word 'potential', all too often they refer to one's unique capabilities, talents and strengths. I believe this offers a limited perspective, because true potential can only be fostered at the level of identity, your own special way of being in this world.   It is your identity, or your perception or concept of who you think you are, that directs and organizes your beliefs, core values, capabilities, actions and behaviors. It is at the level of your authentic self that you will find the source of all your resources! There are more than 6.5 billion people in the world, yet no one is just like you!  Do you ever wonder about that? The acknowledgment that each of us is truly unique leads to an innate desire to express that uniqueness, which unleashes a person's natural sense of creativity and passion.  Montana Gray said it very well when he wrote that if you live your authentic life, you have no competition. Throughout life's experiences, the way you are is expressed through the different roles you have chosen to take on. Roles such as being a mother or a father, a brother or a sister, a business professional, a community leader, a CEO, a husband or wife, a construction worker, a friend, and so on. Think for a moment about the different roles you have chosen to take on. Each role invites you, or calls upon you, to express your authentic self. Each roles carries within a mission to be fulfilled. If you are a mother, are you fully being a mother? If you are a CEO or a business executive, how committed are you to fully being yourself within that role? Personal congruence and integrity are the source of defining your personal boundaries. Some of my coaching clients express a sense that somehow they feel as if they have lost their true identity. What does that mean? They feel that they can no longer express themselves fully and authentically within a certain role. Some continue to stay in roles, trying to live up to the expectations of others.  Just like the medical doctor who came to the realization that she would prefer to teach children, rather than being a doctor. When I asked what made her committed to study medicine for more than 15 years, she paused for a moment and said, “Well, I think my father would have been proud of me.” Take a moment and reflect on all the different roles you have chosen to take on in your life. How do they define you? Which roles invite you to express more of who you really are?  Which roles are no longer supporting you? I believe that we choose and accept to take on different roles for well intended reasons. Yet some of these reasons might be outdated and no longer serve you in becoming the person you were meant to be. Taking personal responsibility for expressing who you really are is a privilege and tremendous freedom. Who are you? If not yourself, who else can you be? And if you want to be like someone else, who would be you? Once you acknowledge and accept the different roles you have taken on, you can take full responsibility for your life and become more of the person you really want to be. In return, you can be seen, known, and understood for who you truly are. And isn't that the most profound connection we can hope for? Give yourself permission to be more of who you really are! About Dieter Pauwels: Dieter Pauwels is a professional certified life, business and career coach, speaker and author, facilitating personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness. You can visit his life and business coaching website at or read his comments and thou[...]

Passion, Classical Music and The Art of Possibility

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 16:06:00 -0500

To find yourself sometimes you need to lose yourself.

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 17:45:00 -0500

You have probably heard the saying that if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten; meaning you’ll keep creating the same results over and over again. Sounds logical, doesn’t it?

Living Your Life On Purpose

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 08:03:00 -0500

What road are you currently traveling on? Are you heading in the right direction? How do you know?  Explorers use a compass to guide them. We have all been blessed with an inner compass to guide us on our journey through life as well. Your inner compass is your life’s purpose. It is calibrated by your core values and principles and the beliefs that support them. You cannot always predict what the road ahead will look like, but when you trust your inner compass you will always stay 'on course.' Like a compass, your unique purpose is a strong source of guidance in times of adversity and challenge. When you come to a crossroad in your life, feel temporarily lost or sidetracked, you can always find your 'true north' when you are willing and able to trust your inner compass. The purpose that guides you is that special something inside, that gives your life meaning and direction. It inspires you, excites you, and makes you feel most alive. When you embrace your purpose, you uncover your passion.  You become aware of the burning desire that smolders deep within you. Your purpose shows you what you should do; your passion ignites the spark within you and creates the energy you need to pursue it.  Living a life of purpose and passion is one of great joy. Because your purpose resonates within you at such a deep emotional level, it is your responsibility and your greatest joy to discover it, live it and fulfill it. When you do, you find a life filled with energy and vibrancy.  William Barcley once said, "There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why." The most compelling reason to find your purpose and passion in life is so you can integrate them with the work you do.  So many people are disenchanted with their jobs, yet work encompasses about 60% of our active life. If you find a way to combine your purpose and passion with your career, you will reap boundless rewards in terms of personal and professional satisfaction, fulfillment, and productiveness. When you are passionate about what you do, you have an advantage that is nearly impossible to overcome. Passion is what makes things possible which would otherwise be considered impossible. Living your life on purpose gives you clarity of vision, even when fog sets in. The combination of the two is what enables you to face adversity and not let obstacles and challenges sway you from your course. Living on purpose and with passion demands constant reflection about the choices you make along the road.  You should continuously ask yourself if what you are doing is what you truly want to be doing. These questions will get you started: What is your purpose in life? What were you put on earth to accomplish? What are you passionate about?  What one thing gets you out of bed even on the dreariest of mornings? How does your career choice reflect your life’s purpose? If it doesn’t, what can you do to remedy the situation? What in your work life are you passionate about?  If you aren’t passionate about anything at work, why are you there? How do you fulfill your purpose and passion during non-working hours? Are there ways to integrate these activities into your work?  Can you think of a way to earn a living while pursing the things that make you the happiest? Somewhere within you is an inner purpose, a burning desire and a passion ready to be ignited! Listen to your inner voice for clues to those things that make you feel most alive, and pursue them passionately. When you find your purpose, you will unleash the imme[...]

The psychology behind procrastination

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 10:36:00 -0500

Below is an interesting article I found on how to avoid procrastination.

You can read the entire article at the PsyBlog at http://www.spring.org.uk/2009/01/how-to-avoid-procrastination-think.php

How to Conquer Your Fears: Part 3 of 3

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 09:13:00 -0500

Throughout your life’s experiences, you accumulate assumptions, accomplishments, habits, failures, judgments, opinions, beliefs and values. You have learned to define your sense of self based on these collected experiences, judgments, opinions and beliefs. They become the filter through which you see the world and determine how you experience your life. They also become the fabric of your perceived identity. When something threatens your sense of self, you adopt fear as a natural defense mechanism. Fear is an emotional reaction to a projected and perceived loss or a change in the image your hold about yourself.  Your fears are a direct reflection of your most dominant thoughts, feelings and emotions that you associate with a future event. The more you identify  - who you are - with, for example a job, a relationship, or making a certain amount of money, the more likely you will experience fear, anxiety and the need to control when circumstances change. Other self sabotaging behaviors in the face of fear include procrastination, lack of focus, anger or resentment and pleasing others. Free yourself from fear!   1) Identify the things you fear the most. I’m afraid that … I’m afraid to …. I feel scared when … 2) Discover the underlying core fear. Core human fears include commitment, responsibility, change, loss, confrontation, not measuring up and rejection. What does your most dominant fear tell you about yourself and how you view and perceive the world around you? Identify any erroneous or limiting beliefs or assumptions about yourself. Listen to what you’re telling yourself, what’s your inner critic telling you? 3) Ask yourself :"Who would I be without that fear?" During a life coaching conversation, a coaching client expressed her fear of getting hurt again in personal relationships. I asked her the following question: “Who would you be without that fear?" She responded, "A more confident person who is open to new possibilities and willing to take chances." Next I asked her, "What would be the opposite of the fear of being hurt?" She responded: "The freedom to love and be loved." "And isn't that what you really want?" I asked. 4) Focus on what you truly want. The moment you focus on what you really want, instead of what you don't want, your mental energy is free to move you forward.  You no longer have to waste any resources thinking about the stuff you no longer want in your life.  Some inner resources you want to draw on to create the results you desire, and free yourself from fear include self confidence, trust, commitment, creativity, flexibility, honesty, and patience and love.  5) Adopt empowering beliefs that support what you really want. In order to access these resources however, requires new and empowering beliefs.  Your beliefs should be positive and supportive of the changes you want to make, or the things you want to achieve. When you change your beliefs, you change your expectations. When your expectations change, your attitude and consequent behavior changes! "Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom."   (Marilyn Ferguson) Here are some techniques to use to help you shift your focus to supportive and positive beliefs:  Think of someone who could be a mentor to you. This person could be a friend, a parent, a spiritual leader, an author, co-worker, or anyone else who represents those inner resources and qualities that you seek. [...]

How to Conquer Your Fears: Part 2 of 3

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 13:29:00 -0500

Energy in motion creates emotion. The energy needed to move forward and fully engage in the process of your life comes from your emotional state. People who successfully manage their emotional state are masters of their own destiny! Unless you manage your fear, it will manifest itself as a negative emotion.  When this happens, fear blocks the energy you need to follow through on your goals, and create positive changes in your life. If you turn your fear around, however, you can use this "fear factor" as a powerful motivator to break through mental barriers. When you allow fear to control your life, it creates strong emotional and physical reactions. Fear is what is behind comments like, I choked, I froze, or I felt paralyzed.  The reason you choke, freeze, or feel paralyzed in the face of fear, is because you get stuck in a single and limited perspective about the meaning of the fear that controls you. Identify Self Limiting Beliefs  Once you have identified the fear that has the most control over you, you then want to examine the limiting beliefs you hold about that fear. To elicit your limiting beliefs, ask yourself the following: What does the fear mean to you? For instance:  What does failure mean to you? What does rejection mean to you? What does change mean to you? What are the specific characteristics of the fear that are so troubling? What does it mean to be the victim of the fear?  What does it mean to be a failure?  What does it mean to be rejected?  What does it mean to face change?  How do you believe you will feel, or be perceived, if you fall victim to the fear? Do you view the situation as an opportunity for growth or simply another reason to quit trying? The fear itself is not holding you back so much as what you believe will happen if the fear actually turns out to be legitimate.  If you believe that your fears will cause only a temporary set back, you are much more likely to take a risk, than if you believe your fears will result in a permanent and negative outcome.  The beliefs you hold about failure and success directly affect your emotional state and they greatly influence your behavior. Your behavior in turn influences the results you get. It is only when your results change, that your life will change!     When you change your perspective and inner representation about the fears that hold you back, you will build the self-confidence and trust necessary to move forward and fully engage in the process of your life.  Reaching this full engagement requires that you cast away the fear and the limiting beliefs.  About Dieter Pauwels: Dieter Pauwels is a professional certified life, business and career coach, speaker and author, facilitating personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness. You can visit his website at www.dieterpauwels.com or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on his blog at http://lifecoaching.dieterpauwels.com     "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face."   (Eleanor Roosevelt)[...]

How to Conquer Your Fears: Part 1 of 3

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 17:18:00 -0500

One of the biggest barriers we face when we seek to live the life we want is fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of rejection, fear of change, fear of commitment, and fear of loss are just a few of the many fears we experience. Fear is paralyzing. When you live with fear you don’t go anywhere. You end up backing away from opportunities and you unconsciously remove the things in your life that open up new possibilities and opportunities to you in the first place. The best way to move forward in your career, your finances, your relationships, your sense of fulfillment, or any other aspect of your life, is to identify and challenge your fears.  To do this takes a three-stage process: 1. Challenge Your Fears Have you ever allowed fear to keep you from achieving, or even trying to achieve something you already know you want? I know I have. Within each experience of loss, rejection, failure, or hurt, there lies the opportunity to confront and challenge the fears and self-limiting beliefs you hold. Unfortunately, most people either deny their fears, or run away from them, so they don't have to face them. This causes them to miss out on the opportunity to learn, grow and attract the things they really want in their lives.  Instead they get caught up in a pattern of procrastination, self-sabotage, and destructive behavior. You can counteract this self-destruction by allowing yourself to become aware of your feelings.  Rather than letting your subconscious take over and act for you, when you allow yourself to feel, you gain clarity. Clarity brings forth compassion instead of judgment, and allows the energy of your heart to flow. With clarity also comes personal power and freedom of choice. You can choose to either take control of your fears or allow your fears to control you. The choice is yours to make, but it only presents itself after you have honestly identified the fears that hold you back. To uncover the hidden fears that are keeping you from achieving, and being, everything you want, answer the following questions as honestly as possible: Are you afraid of rejection, commitment, responsibility, loss, change, confrontation, or not measuring up? Which fear has the most control over you in your life today? What behaviors and/or habits have you developed as a means to protect yourself from this fear? Who would you be without this fear? What would you be doing differently? How would you feel? Understanding and identifying the fears and consequent behaviors that hold you back, is the first step in setting yourself free and living your life to the fullest. "Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood." ( Marie Curie) How to Conquer Your Fears: Part 2 of 3 Identify Self Limiting Beliefs How to Conquer Your Fears: Part 3 of 3 Free Yourself From Fear About Dieter Pauwels: Dieter Pauwels is a professional certified life, business and career coach, speaker and author, facilitating personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness. You can visit his website at www.dieterpauwels.com or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on his blog at http://lifecoaching.dieterpauwels.com[...]

How To Discover A New Path And Change Your Life

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 08:33:00 -0500

A wise man once said, "I can predict the future." "Amazing!" The people shouted, "How can you do that?" "It's easy", he said, "Most likely it will be a continuation of the present." Even when the path you are currently on is not taking you where you want to go, the lures of comfort, safety, security, and familiarity pull you to continue in the same direction.  The notion of an easy and uneventful journey compels us to follow along the path of least resistance and complacently accept what life hands us.  The problem is that, the longer you follow the same route, the harder it is to get off.  After a while, even when you come to a branch in the road, you blindly ignore it in favor of the expected and routine.  When this happens, the future can be foreseen.   Past experiences are simply recycled in the present. How do you get on this predictable road?  It’s easy really, you simply don't take the time to contemplate what's really important to you.  You don’t think about what you want to accomplish, you don’t think about who you want to be, you don’t think about what will make you happy and content; all you do is react.  When a log blocks your path, you might find a way over it.  To many people this is success.  But it is only truly successful if by hurtling the log, you get yourself closer to your desired goals.  If you haven’t thought about where you want to go, then how do you know whether you should go over the log or find a path that takes you away from the log altogether?  When your company downsizes, do you panic and send out resumes en mass, hoping to secure a job somewhere else before you are laid off?  Or, do you use the opportunity as a time to contemplate starting a business, going back to school or finding a position that is better aligned with your core values, inner talents and strengths?  When you are offered a new position in a different state, do you automatically uproot your family and move across the country, or do you ask yourself if the opportunity is really right for you?  You won’t know what alternatives to pursue if you don’t have a vision for your future. And without a vision, you won’t have the courage or motivation you need to swerve off your path.  Some people think that the little devil you know, is better than the little devil you don't know. But if you continue to face the same demons, how will you ever find out if a devil even exists on the other roads available to you?  Through my life and career coaching experiences, I have found that most people know what they don't want in their lives, but cannot clearly envision the life they really do want. If I ask you not to think of a blue balloon, can you do it?  Probably not, in fact you are likely thinking of a blue balloon right now.  What that means is you are attending to the very thing I asked you not to.  The same holds true for the things you don’t want.  When you tell yourself what not to do or be, your attention will take you there anyway. In order to make any changes in your life, all it really takes is to turn, perhaps ever so slightly, in the direction you truly want to go. Whether you turn east or west, north or south will depend on your vision for yourself.  Here’s how to prepare to change your destination and alter your life’s itinerary: Accep[...]

Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

Sun, 11 Jan 2009 08:07:00 -0500

What are some of the leadership lessons we can learn from the formation and synchronized movements of a flock of birds, like geese or starlings, to organize effective teams? 1. A common purpose or aim   When birds fly in formation, they travel about 70% faster than when they fly alone. When people share a common aim or sense of community, they achieve results more quickly by trusting one another. People can only be fully committed when the common objective of the team (or corporation) is aligned with their own individual objectives, values and principles. In many companies, the overall (sales) targets only deliver on the aims of the people at the top of the hierarchy. In order to inspire people and create loyalty, company goals and targets need to be aligned with a broader common purpose. Shared objectives and principles will lead to increased creativity, innovations and new solutions. We need common ground to create uncommon results!  2. Commitment to others   Birds of a feather flock together. The highly coordinated movements of a flock of birds are among the most fascinating phenomena to be found in nature. A flock of birds seems to turn and maneuver as a single unit, changing direction almost instantaneously. Commitment to each other forms the foundation for synergy that allows a team to work in unity. Commitment to others can only be achieved through honest communication, contribution and cooperation. The individual commitment to a team effort is what makes a team successful! A strong sense of commitment creates a feeling of belonging and security. 3. Shared leadership   Observation shows that geese rotate leadership regularly and frequently. Different birds will be at the front of the flock every time it changes direction. Successful teams share leadership according to the changing circumstances. Leadership shifts to where it is most appropriate based on the individual skills, knowledge and strengths of its members. The old business paradigm, based on hierarchy – a single leader - and individualism, undermines the productivity and effectiveness of many teams. About Dieter Pauwels: Dieter Pauwels is a professional certified life, business and career coach, speaker and author, facilitating personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness. You can visit his website at www.dieterpauwels.com or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on his blog at http://lifecoaching.dieterpauwels.com[...]

How To Be Happy: A Life Coaching Success Formula

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 11:46:00 -0500

One can wonder if happiness is real or even possible to achieve. What is it that makes people happy? When we set goals, pursue a career, or choose a relationship, we do so because we believe that ultimately it will make us feel a certain way. We believe it will make us happy!  Sometimes these things do make us happy, at least for a little while, and sometimes we feel even further removed from the prize in our pursuit of happiness. What are the criteria by which we measure happiness? Is it love, success, personal growth, personal fulfillment or money? Studies have shown that even the most wealthy people in the United States are only slightly happier than average. Take a look in People magazine, and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about. Celebrities might be rich and famous, yet do most of them look happier than you or I?  Based on scientific studies and my own research and experience as a professional certified life coach and business coach, I have created a success formula on how to be happy. H = E + (U + C + I) H stands for the level of Happiness Happiness is experienced as an emotional state of being. You can only be happy in the present moment. Happiness is not some sort of reward you’ll receive in the future for accomplishing certain tasks or getting what you think you want.  Sure, accomplishing a goal will probably make you happy, and pursuing one will too. However, just because you have a goal, doesn’t mean you’ll be happy. When you project your feelings of happiness based on some event or circumstance in the future, like achieving a certain goal, getting a promotion at work or a possible future relationship, you’ll find yourself empty handed.  Expectation doesn’t always equal success, and you’re basically setting yourself up for a fall. The reason this strategy doesn’t work is because what you fail to take into consideration is the fact that it’s still going to be the same person, namely you, with that promotion or in that new relationship. Real happiness is not something to be waited for. If you wait for things to change in your life in order to feel happy, you will miss out on that what you seek. We all experience happiness in our own unique way. For example, I can experience happiness in the smile of a child, by the encouragement of a friend, a breakthrough during a life coaching conversation, watching a beautiful sunset or listening to a musical masterpiece performed by Andrea Bocelli. E stands for Environment Some people tend to be naturally or genetically happier than others. A new British study suggests that half the differences in happiness are related to genes. According to co-researcher Tim Bates, from the School of Philosophy, Psychology and Language Sciences at the University of Edinburgh, those happiness-related genes are genes for personality, namely for being extroverted, emotionally stable and conscientious. The genes that predispose people to happiness are related to certain personality traits such as being outgoing, calm and reliable. If you don't worry excessively and are sociable and conscientious, you are more likely to be happier. We all have inner resources or capabilities to develop a happier lifestyle. When you make a commitment to personal growth and self development, you can further develop and strengthen your personal happiness related qualities. U stands for Understanding Seek to understan[...]

How To Achieve Personal Balance

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 14:53:00 -0500

We are living in a fast paced world and it seems to be moving faster each year. With more commitments, schedules, to-do lists, appointments, voice mails and e-mails, we often experience increased stress and a sense of being overwhelmed. Do you sometimes feel your life is out of balance? Do you sometimes envision your life with less tension, less stress, pressure, and more balance? If you have ever watched a pendulum you were probably mesmerized by the peaceful, almost melodic, back and forth movement. This rhythm and flow is reflected in our lives and can teach us a great deal about balance and personal growth. Just as a pendulum swings back and forth so do we, as we journey through life.  A pendulum’s movement teaches and reinforces for us that life is not static. The pendulum is constantly moving from one side to the other. Moving continuously, the rhythm is constant between two opposites. Life mimics this movement in accordance with a prescribed rhythm. We are constantly moving between opposing emotions and states: in and out, up and down, back and forth, positive and negative, excess and deficiency, high and low, order and chaos, hope and despair, ignorance and understanding. All things move from side to side. Think of the business cycle. As the economy expands and contracts we move through peaks of prosperity to troughs of economic recession and even depression. Just as the tide is not always high and the moon is not always full, your life follows an orderly cycle as well. No set of circumstances is forever. When you feel down or things are not working out the way you want, don't feel discouraged. Know that things will swing back up and get better. They always do! "There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without the measure of darkness and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness." (Carl Jung) By accepting the highs and lows in your life, and always keeping in mind that things will change, your whole perspective on living will change along with it. When you understand that everything in life follows a constant rhythm between two opposites, you can better appreciate and fully enjoy all the stages in the cycle of life. Embracing each stage in life allows you to experience personal growth and balance. Here’s how: Know your situation will improve and do not dwell on the negative.  Choose to learn from every experience you have. Understand that failure is part of every success.  Accept the good and bad, the highs and lows, and look for the lessons in each and every moment. Know there is a time and place for everything. When you reach a goal, take time to celebrate, relax and recharge your batteries. Know that reaching success is not the end point. Begin to lay the groundwork for the next goal and prepare yourself for more ups and downs Allow yourself to get back "in the swing" of things and follow your path of least resistance. Your life is rich with experiences. Some will be wonderful and enjoyable, others will not. The key to personal balance is choosing to learn from everything that happens in your life. Ride your life’s pendulum. Enjoy the fruits of your hard work when you are at the top, and prepare to rep[...]

7 Life Coaching Tips to Help You Follow Through on Your New Year’s Resolutions

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 07:14:00 -0500

1. Get excited You have more options and thus more opportunities than ever before. This also means that you will have more choices to make. Take responsibility and get excited about the choices you will make now as they will determine your level of success and personal satisfaction in the future. Conversely, if you feel that you are "making do" or just settling for something, you can expect more of the same and set yourself up for possible failure. 2. Why versus how One of the main reasons people fail in following through on their resolutions is because they have not developed enough compelling reasons why they should change. Once you are clear about what you want, whether it is a personal goal or business objective, create a strong "emotional awareness" for yourself. This means that you have to go beyond your thoughts and carry it over to your emotions. Fall in love with the process of reaching your goals. 3. Associate with the right people Look for family, friends or co-workers who believe in you and support you. Seek the assistance from a personal coach who can give you the learning, strategies, motivation and accountability to achieve your goals. 4. Sweat the small stuff Henry Ford once said that if you break a big job into small parts it will become easy. Ask yourself what activities are necessary each day and every week to move you in the direction of your goals. 5. Choose feedback versus failure Many people don’t set goals because they are afraid they might fail. Remember that failure is a concept that only exists in your mind. When you don’t get immediate results, you have not failed, but you have only  produced a certain result. So whatever the results are, consider it feedback and not failure. Ask yourself:"What can I learn from the result I produced?" It is within the answer to this question that you will discover new opportunities and learn better ways of creating the results you seek. At all times remain flexible. 6. What you focus on expands Focus on what reaching your goal will mean to you, your family, friends or colleagues. Create a mental picture in your mind of the new and improved you and let go of the limiting beliefs and thoughts of your current situation. When you focus on what you don’t have (yet) or focus on the voids in your life, you will only get more of it. 7. Teamwork makes the dream work When you set goals, think how others will benefit as well. Selfish goals have little merit. Success in any endeavor can only be achieved with and through others. Compelling goals will give you the ability to grow and stay focused in times of social and economic change. Goals will not only pull you in the direction where you want to go, but also influence the activities you get involved in and the people you meet along the way.  You will find that the path you take, the direction you choose is what is most rewarding. It’s not so much what you will get when you reach your destination or achieve your goal, it’s the person you will become when you get there that defines you for yourself and others. To your success in 2009![...]

Top 10 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Setting Personal Goals

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 08:48:00 -0500

As you enter the New Year, I invite you to take a step back and look at your life as it is today, get a sense of where you are going and where your priorities lie.  The following ten life coaching questions will help keep you on track moving forward. They will help you to refocus in those moments when you feel uncertain about what you’re doing and why. They will provide guidance, direction and support when you feel that certain events are controlling you. Some of these powerful questions can produce that ‘breakthrough moment’ when you understand a situation more clearly from a new or different perspective. Other questions invite introspection and will lead to a greater self awareness, more creativity, additional solutions and new insights. Question # 10: "How am I spending my time?" How you choose to spend your time is how you spend your life. How can you manage yourself more effectively allowing you to spend more time in those areas that are most important in your life? What choices will you make? [Read More] Question # 9: "What Would I Do If I Knew I Couldn't Fail?" The only way to create results in your life is by taking action. Realize that, succeed or fail, you will produce results from which you will learn. Don’t be afraid of failure; be afraid of not taking action! [Read more] Question # 8: "Who Am I becoming?" How satisfied are you with the person you are becoming? What kind of person do you see yourself becoming in the New Year? If you want to have more and experience more in life, you have to become more. [Read more] Question # 7: "What Am I Tolerating?" What have you been tolerating at work, at home or in your social environment in the past year? What are the things you wish would resolve themselves somehow? Here are some life coaching tips to help you eliminate the things that you no longer want in your life. [Read more] Question # 6: "Where Do I Focus My Attention?" Your mind cannot tell the difference between something you think about or focus on that you do want, and the stuff you think about that you don’t want. Your mind is a very effective goal seeking mechanism and seeks to create precisely what you focus on. The key is to direct your focus on the goals and experiences that you do want in your life. [Read more] Question # 5: "How Am I Using My Talents? When you talk with people who have achieved a high level of success in their lives, you’ll find that they have found ways to incorporate their passions and talents into their daily activities. They also experience more fulfillment and balance because they intentionally played to their talents. Do you know what your talents are? How do you go about discovering some of your talents or natural abilities? [Read more] Question # 4: "Who Do I spend My Time With? The people you spend most of your time with have a strong influence on you. When you are surrounded by negative or angry people, you will absorb some of their negativity or anger. When you spend time with people who inspire you, support you and believe in you, their positive energy will boost your motivation, self-confidence and inner strength.[Read more] Question # 3: "How Do I Honor My Core Values?" Your core values express the essence of who you are. Although you may share similar values with others, you have[...]

Ten Life Coaching Questions To Ask Yourself Into the New Year (1/10)

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 17:11:00 -0500

Question # 1: "How Am I Committed?" Why is it that we tell ourselves we want certain things but we don’t take action? We might have the best of intentions to make certain changes in our lives, yet we do not follow through on our resolutions? Does that mean we are lazy or undisciplined? Are we afraid of failure? Are we holding on to limiting beliefs about ourselves? We get frustrated when we think and say we are committed to wanting something for ourselves, but no action follows that voice of commitment. When you fully commit to something, action always follows thought. There is no question, no debate, no doubt or struggle. You don’t wonder whether or not you will take action or not. Commitment goes beyond making a choice. I have never met a mother who had to think about and decide whether or not to feed her baby. People gain a mysterious strength and resolve when they make a commitment. Commitment is a unique personal experience. As a personal coach I can offer you many possible commitment strategies, yet the best personal style of commitment comes from a deep emotional awareness within yourself. Often our commitments are invisible to us and we don’t think about them as commitments, it is what we do naturally. And that’s the whole point. Recall a time in your life when you were committed to something. You were so deeply committed that there was no doubt in your mind, and taking action was almost automatic and effortless. Take some time to answer the following questions to discover the underlying structure of your own personal commitment strategy. When and where were you committed? Was it a commitment you made to yourself or others? Were there any external influences? What were some of the actions you took?   How did you go about taking action? What was your strategy for taking action?  Did you write down your goal or commitment? Did you visualize your achievements? Did you call a friend or work with a personal life coach? What skills or capabilities did you use? What were some of the emotional reasons why you were committed? Reflect on the values and beliefs that motivated you to take action and follow through on your commitment. How did you benefit from taking action? What was the cost of not taking action at all? How did you think and feel about yourself as a person? Maybe you felt like a successful individual or a compassionate person. How did your commitment impact others? Understanding and modeling your personal commitment strategy will help you create resolve to meet your New Year’s resolutions. To your success in 2009!       Question # 10: "How am I spending my time?" Question # 9: "What Would I Do If I Knew I Couldn't Fail?" Question # 8: "Who Am I becoming?" Question # 7: "What Am I Tolerating?" Question # 6: "Where Do I Focus My Attention?" Question # 5: "How Am I Using My Talents? Question # 4: "Who Do I spend My Time With? Question # 3: "How Do I Honor My Core Values?" Question # 2: "What Do I Want?" Question # 1: "How Am I Committed?"  [...]

Ten Life Coaching Questions To Ask Yourself Into the New Year (2/10)

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 08:45:00 -0500

Question # 2: "What Do I Want?" The quality of your life's experiences amounts to the sum of all the decisions you have ever made. The power to make decisions is what gives you freedom. The more freedom you have, the more options you can entertain. The more options you have available, the more opportunities you can create for yourself and others. Have you ever been told what to believe? Have you ever had someone tell you what you should do, how you should feel or behave? Why would you have someone else decide for you in your life? What is the cost of living that way? Life is short, and time is your most valuable resource. Letting anyone else decide for you is a waste of time! No one else knows you as well as you do. You are the expert of your own life. Think of yourself as the majority shareholder in your life. What are some of the strategic decisions that will help you grow and flourish in the New Year? What will you vote "yes" for in your life? What will you vote "no" for? Recognizing that you have a choice does not mean that there will never be any uncomfortable consequences. But not making a decision is also a decision which could have consequences that are just as negative. Peter Drucker once said that whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision! In what department of your life's organization - relationships, money, health, fun, recreation, personal growth - do you currently experience the most challenge? Where do you feel trapped? Whatever you believe is missing, it is yours, waiting to be claimed. The first step is to make a conscious decision about the things you would like to have more of and the things you will need to let go off. Some people get trapped in inaction. They have a hard time saying yes, because that would mean that they have to close off other possibilities. In economics, this is referred to as the 'opportunity cost'. The same principle is true in life. Saying yes to one thing often means saying no to many other possibilities. Don't just dwell in possibility. Dwell in reality! Choose, decide, take action, and make 2009 your best year ever! "Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work."  (H.L. Hunt) Question # 10: "How am I spending my time?" Question # 9: "What Would I Do If I Knew I Couldn’t Fail?" Question # 8: "Who Am I becoming?" Question # 7: "What Am I Tolerating?" Question # 6: "Where Do I Focus My Attention?" Question # 5: "How Am I Using My Talents? Question # 4: "Who Do I spend My Time With? Question # 3: "How Do I Honor My Core Values?" Life and carreer coach based in St Louis[...]

Ten Life Coaching Questions To Ask Yourself Into the New Year (3/10)

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 12:49:00 -0500

Question # 3: "How Do I Honor My Core Values?" Your core values express the essence of who you are. Although you may share similar values with others, you have a unique set of values. Many of the important decisions that you make, and the actions you take, are based on the values that you hold. Your values, together with the beliefs that support them, are an energetic driving force and provide meaning and direction in your life. If you commit time and energy to something that violates or neglects one of your core values, you will most likely feel resentful and frustrated. If your values are not respected at your job or in your relationships, you will feel that something is missing. While it is enormously helpful to know your core values, it is not always easy to identify them. Often these things are so much a part of who you are, that they become invisible to you.     Create a list for yourself by thinking about the ideas and questions below. Don’t worry about getting it right and capturing all of your values. Your list will be a work in progress. Also, your values don’t have to be a single word; they could be a string of words or sentences or themes. Find the words that work best for you. Think about the following questions: What is important to you? What do you really care about? What do you really want in your life? When do you feel happiest? Select a time from your life when you felt particular fulfilled. There may have been challenges,but you were still on a roll. It may have been a few minutes, or hours or days. What was important about that experience? What values were you honoring? What do you react negatively to? What makes you angry or frustrated? What value is being violated? What kinds of situations cause you to feel incongruent? When are you not being true to yourself? For each of us, there are usually values that are so much a part of us that we don’t even think to put them on a list. These are often our most dearly held values. A teacher might fail to include learning; an artist might forget to write down creativity, a business owner might overlook financial success. Generate a list of values. Next notice which of these in your life you are honoring, which "get lost" or are neglected, and which you sometimes violate through behaviors or choices. Question # 10: "How am I spending my time?" Question # 9: "What Would I Do If I Knew I Couldn’t Fail?" Question # 8: "Who Am I becoming?" Question # 7: "What Am I Tolerating?" Question # 6: "Where Do I Focus My Attention?" Question # 5: "How Am I Using My Talents? Question # 4: "Who Do I spend My Time With?   Take a moment and write down the unique qualities that define you? What are the qualities that are at the core of who you are?[...]

Ten Life Coaching Questions To Ask Yourself Into the New Year (4/10)

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 07:49:00 -0500

Question # 4: "Who Do I Spend My Time With? The people you spend most of your time with have a strong influence on you. When you are surrounded by negative or angry people, you will absorb some of their negativity or anger. When you spend time with people who inspire you, support you and believe in you, their positive energy will boost your motivation, self-confidence and inner strength.  Do not underestimate the power of influence of the people you surround yourself with. Make a mental note of the people in your personal and professional life with whom you most often associate and think of how they are influencing you, both positively and negatively. Perhaps you've heard the story of the little bird. He had his wing over his eye and he was crying. The owl said to the bird, "You are crying." "Yes," said the little bird, and he pulled his wing away from his eye. "Oh, I see," said the owl. "You're crying because the big bird pecked out your eye." And the little bird said, "No, I'm not crying because the big bird pecked out my eye. I'm crying because I let him." I believe that the quality of your life is greatly influenced by the quality of your associations and relationships. Be cautious of the people you allow yourself to associate with in your personal life and business. Choose to surround yourself with people who will move you forward on your journey and let go of the negative influences that impede your progress. Question # 10: "How am I spending my time?" Question # 9: "What Would I Do If I Knew I Couldn’t Fail?" Question # 8: "Who Am I becoming?" Question # 7: "What Am I Tolerating?" Question # 6: "Where Do I Focus My Attention?" Question # 5: "How Am I Using My Talents?[...]

Ten Life Coaching Questions To Ask Yourself Into the New Year (5/10)

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0500

Question # 5: "How Am I Using My Talents? When you talk with people who have achieved a high level of success in their lives, you’ll find that they have found ways to incorporate their passions and talents into their daily activities. They also experience more fulfillment and balance because they intentionally played to their talents and strengths by developing the know-how and experience through continued focus and practice. Your talents influence how you think and the way you respond to the situations in your life. Once you fully understand and acknowledge your natural abilities, you will develop a higher self awareness, which will lead to increased self confidence, a healthier self esteem, more success and personal satisfaction. Talents by themselves are not that special, it is what you decide to do with them that make them special. All too often we deny our own talents, because to acknowledge them would mean we have to use them. Why is it sometimes difficult to identify our own talents? First, it’s a question we don’t really ask ourselves. Second, our talents feel so natural to us that we tend to take them for granted. Third, we live in a culture where we tend to focus on improving our weaknesses rather than developing our talents into strengths. Do you know what your talents are? How do you go about discovering some of your talents or natural abilities? Answer the following questions and start to identify some of the common themes within your answers. What are some activities or special interests you enjoyed growing up? What did you enjoy most about those moments and why? What are some of the skills or abilities you developed over the years? What skills were easy for you to learn or develop? What are some of your favorite activities or projects that give you the most satisfaction?  At home? At work? What are some activities that whenever you’re doing them, everything just flows because it just feels right.  It comes natural to you and you tend to lose track of time. What are some activities that you genuinely look forward to doing again? (.. .watching American Idol is not one of them!) What would you enjoy doing even when you’re not getting paid for it? What do other people regularly ask you to do? What are some of the qualities that other people think you have? Once you get a better understanding of your dominant innate talents and abilities, start looking for ways to incorporate them into your daily life. None of us have been dealt the perfect hand, but it is your responsibility and greatest joy to become the best you can with the cards you have been dealt. Question # 10: "How am I spending my time?" Question # 9: "What Would I Do If I Knew I Couldn’t Fail?" Question # 8: "Who Am I becoming?" Question # 7: "What Am I Tolerating?" Question # 6: "Where Do I Focus My Attention?"[...]

Ten Life Coaching Questions To Ask Yourself Into the New Year (6/10)

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 10:30:00 -0500

Question # 6: "Where Do I Focus My Attention?" Your life becomes what you focus on. Your thought patterns create the texture of your everyday life. You are always focusing on something. The experiences you create in this very moment, and the next, are based on where your focus lies. What you see depends on what you look for. What you hear depends on what you listen for and what you feel depends on the experiences you seek. Your expectations, based on what you focus on, blossom into self-fulfilling prophecies. The results you create are a result of your focus. If you're not getting the results you are looking for, it is time to re-examine what you focus on. If you keep focusing on the same things and keep doing what you’ve always done, sure enough, you’ll keep getting the same results. Your mind cannot tell the difference between something you think about or focus on that you do want, and the stuff you think about that you don’t want. Your mind is a very effective goal seeking mechanism and seeks to create precisely what you focus on. The key is to direct your focus on the goals and experiences that you do want in your life. Think of your focus as a sticky boomerang. What you focus on comes back to you, with more strength that it has gathered along the way. If you send out anger, fear, negativity or jealousy, you will invite the same thoughts manifold. What you focus on expands. Focus on what is going well in your life right now and what is good for you moving forward. Focus on your innate talents and capabilities. Focus on what you believe is possible and you will see opportunities rather than constraints. Question # 10: "How am I spending my time?" Question # 9: "What Would I Do If I Knew I Couldn’t Fail?" Question # 8: "Who Am I becoming?" Question # 7: "What Am I Tolerating?"[...]

Ten Life Coaching Questions To Ask Yourself Into the New Year (7/10)

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 12:10:00 -0500

Question # 7: "What Am I Tolerating?" What are some of the things you have been putting up with in your life? What have you been tolerating at work, at home or in your social environment in the past year? What are the things you wish would resolve themselves somehow?  Sometimes tolerations show up as minor inconveniences such as a messy desk, a squeaking door or a friend who always shows up late for appointments. Other tolerations are more serious, such as mental or physical abuse or a controlling or disrespectful boss. Sometimes it is easier to ignore your 'tolerations' rather than to take the necessary action to clean them up. Allowing 'tolerations' to hang around in your life will drain your energy, try your patience and show up under the form of stress and anxiety. They can chip away at your self-esteem, confidence and enthusiasm. Here are a few life coaching tips to help with the process: Make a list of 10 things that you are putting up with. Ask yourself what each is costing you in terms of energy, confidence and enthusiasm? Resolve to take action. The decision to act on 'tolerations' is very liberating and will improve the quality of your life. Set target dates and make time in your schedule to overcome your 'tolerations'. Seek the support from friends, family or a personal coach to keep you focused and stay on track. Living a life you want not only means choosing the things you want, but also eliminating the things that are hanging around in your life that you no longer want. Now is the perfect time to do some personal housecleaning, and remove some of the clutter around your house, at work or in your relationships. When you resolve to stop putting up, you will find a renewed sense of freedom and balance in your life. Question # 10: "How am I spending my time?" Question # 9: "What Would I Do If I Knew I Couldn’t Fail?" Question # 8: "Who Am I becoming?" [...]

Ten Life Coaching Questions To Ask Yourself Into the New Year (8/10)

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 11:54:00 -0500

Question # 8: "Who Am I becoming?"

How satisfied are you with the person you are becoming? What kind of person do you see yourself becoming in the New Year? Do you see someone who is becoming more stressed out or tired with an unsatisfying job or an unbalanced work/home life, or do you see someone who is enjoying a happy and fulfilling lifestyle? How do you feel about your future self?

"If you want to have more and experience more in life, you have to become more."

What are some of the personal qualities you would like to further develop in the New Year?
Perhaps you would like to become more skillful or competent. More honest, sincere, genuine or congruent.  More compassionate, accepting, forgiving or grateful.  More creative or expressive.  More courageous.  More generous, loving or happy. More responsible.

No matter how you feel about yourself right now, you can make a decision to become more of who you really are. The power to choose lies within your mind and how you think about yourself. You will become what you think about, most of the time.

Your thinking process determines how you feel, the choices you make and the results you create.
If you seek to attract new experiences in your life or you want to make certain changes, you need to begin the process in your mind. Focus on continuous personal development; with books, CD’s, seminars, personal coaching, studying, listening, practicing, and nourishing your mind.

Become the mental architect of your own personal transformation!

Change your mind and change your life in 2009!

Question # 9: "What Would I Do If I Knew I Couldn’t Fail?"
Question # 10: "How am I spending my time?"

 

Ten Life Coaching Questions To Ask Yourself Into the New Year (9/10)

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 22:47:00 -0500

Question # 9: "What Would I Do If I Knew I Couldn’t Fail?"

What if failure was not an option? The fear of failure holds us back more than anything else in all our pursuits in life. Many people don’t even set goals because they are often so afraid of failing that they do not even try.

How many opportunities have you missed in the past because you lacked the courage to take a chance, to play full out, all because you were afraid you might fail? How much more pain and lost opportunities are you willing to endure by continuing to allow fear and procrastination to rule your life?

Failure is a concept that only exists in your ego’s mind. If your ego would have a favorite slogan, it would probably be “Playing It Safe.” Your ego operates in the emotional comfort zone of your mind and will do anything in its power to keep you there.  It is that little voice in the back of your head giving you all the reasons why you shouldn’t do this or try that …

The only way to create results in your life is by taking action. Realize that, succeed or fail, you will produce results from which you will learn.

Don’t be afraid of failure; be afraid of not taking action!

Question # 10: "How am I spending my time?"

Ten Life Coaching Questions To Ask Yourself Into the New Year (10/10)

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 08:21:00 -0500

Question # 10: "How am I spending my time?"

We all have 24 hours each day. We cannot manage ‘time’, yet we can choose how we manage ourselves with the time we have. Time is your most valuable resource. You only have a limited supply.

What is your present relationship with time? Does it give you the satisfaction and fulfillment you seek?  Do you feel there are never enough hours in the day to achieve what you want? Do you sometimes feel that others are managing your time?

How you choose to spend your time is how you spend your life.

The way you spend your time tells you much about your priorities and what you value in life.
Do you know what your core values and priorities are? Have you decided what the top ten things are that you want to spend your time on in the New Year?

"If you want to make good use of your time, you've got to know what's most important and then give it all you've got."  (Lee Iacocca)

Take some time to reflect on the larger areas in your life, such as your work/career, health, relationships, finances, personal growth, fun and recreation.

How can you manage yourself more effectively allowing you to spend more time in those areas that are most important in your life? What choices will you make? What will you say 'no' to in order to gain more balance and experience more fulfillment in life?

If you choose to live a more balanced life, you must redefine your relationship with time, to shift the emphasis from quantity to quality, from frustration to fulfillment, from lack to abundance, from pressure to peace.

Managing your time is a choice!

2009 New Years Resolutions: How To Build A Foundation For Success

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 18:22:00 -0500

It’s that time of year when many of us formulate our resolutions for the coming year. Whether it is getting in shape, reducing debt, finding a better job, finding our soul mate, we all vow to become and do better in the future.  But how come so many of us fail to keep our well-intended New Year’s resolutions? Most goal setting seminars teach you that the first thing you have to do is become absolutely clear about what it is you want, create a plan and work the plan. While these are important steps moving forward, why is it that within 30 days, most resolutions will be no more than a vague memory? We get discouraged when results don’t come quickly enough or we find that we are not necessarily happier because of them. The main reason however is because we do not fully understand ourselves and we haven’t learned how to manage ourselves more effectively. Before setting any personal, business or career goals, it’s important to get a better understanding of yourself, because unless you take control of all the stuff inside of you that is running your life, nothing you do or say on January 1st will help you get or achieve what you really want. When you look at your life - from the inside out - as something you are creating, rather than having external circumstances or others create it for you, you can take full responsibility for your own life's experiences. In order to follow through and successfully achieve your New Years resolutions, your goals must be aligned or congruent with your core values and beliefs; the stuff that matters most in your life. Without these things, you would not be the person you are today. Values are basically ideals and principles that are important to you. They are usually expressed in abstract terms such as respect, freedom, love, justice, health, integrity, success and so forth. Beliefs on the other hand are essentially assumptions, agreements or judgments you have made (mostly subconsciously) about yourself, others and the world you live in. Limiting beliefs will hold you back, while empowering or positive beliefs move you forward. Often your values and beliefs are so much a part of who you are that they become invisible to you and difficult to identify. Values and beliefs provide the foundation upon which your level of personal commitment, motivation perseverance and courage is built. If you build your goals or New Years resolutions upon a weak foundation, or you have cracks in the foundation, such as conflicting values or limiting beliefs, it will be difficult to overcome challenges and personal setbacks in pursuit of your goals. Ultimately, the successful achievement of your goals will be a tangible expression of your core values and beliefs.  At a deeper level, what you value the most and believe gives you a sense of who you are – a sense of self worth. It is from this unique point of self reference that you see and perceive the world around you. Most people live their lives consistent with their self image and will do almost anything to operate within the boundaries t[...]

Setting Goals for 2009: The Choice of Intention.

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 17:30:00 -0500

"Each decision we make, each action we take, is born out of an intention." (Sharon Salzberg) With the New Year getting closer, what choices will you make that will affect the direction of your life? In which area(s) of your life did you experience the most challenge in the past year? -relationships, money, health, personal growth or your career?  Whatever you believe was missing in 2008, it is yours, waiting to be claimed in 2009! The first step is to make a conscious choice about the things you would like to attract, create or change and the things you would like to let go off.  Consider all of your relationships, ways of being, beliefs, goals, attitudes, behaviors, perceptions, habits, and even material things. Identify the things in your life that are draining you, as well as the things that are nourishing you. When we don't challenge ourselves to create or to grow, we get stuck in the present and feel anxious about the future. When we don't make a conscious choice, the past creates the future. That is also a choice! When you set goals for 2009, the choice of intention is the most fundamental choice you will make. The experiences you attract into your life are determined more by your intentions than your actions. One person may donate money to a foundation in order to obtain a tax deduction, while another may do so to further help the cause of that foundation. Their actions are the same, while their intentions are quite different. Let's assume that your goal is to change careers. Possible intentions for this goal could be to make more money, to feel less stress, to make more time for your family or to use more of your creative talents. It is the conscious decision of your intention that will determine the experiences you have, the results you create and the people you attract into your life. When your intentions are aligned with your core values and principles, you will experience more joy, success, balance and fulfillment in pursuit of your goals! Take some time to reflect on the outcomes you would like to create for this upcoming year and feel what your real intention is for each of them. Setting your intent is about directing your focus in the present moment toward a future outcome. Because of the constantly changing environment of your life, setting your intent is an ever renewing process. Set your intentions deliberately and carefully! To your success in 2009! [...]

Inspired To Succeed

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:51:00 -0500

During my life coaching conversations, I often hear people say:” I can't wait to get motivated” or “I need someone or something to motivate me.” These statements imply that motivation comes to us from sources outside ourselves.  As in, we are motivated by money, competition, market trends, what other people say and do, the media, etc… If you buy into this concept of external motivation, you will be plagued with fleeting success.  The level of accomplishment and personal fulfillment you achieve through external sources of motivation is short lived and unsustainable. When things outside of yourself motivate you, you will find yourself continuously reacting to circumstances over which you have little or no control.  This reactivity takes all the creative energy out of you.  Energy that you could be using to pursue the goals that really matter:  the ones that are motivated by forces deep within yourself. True and lasting motivation comes from within.  Its champion is your inner voice.  That omnipotent presence that knows you better than you know yourself.  If you look inside yourself, you will find the key to what really motivates you to be the best person you can be, and to live the life you dream of living.  Motivation from within is inspirational and enduring.  Because it is based on your core values and beliefs, it provides the basis from which to persevere no matter what.  When the assignment at work seems unending, when you feel you have nothing left to learn, when everyone around you is filled with negativity, your inner source of motivation will guide you along the right path.  "It is a terrible thing to see and have no vision." (Helen Keller) Key to knowing the right direction to take is a strong and vibrant vision.  In order to get inspired and feel passionate for what you do each and every day, requires having an idea of where you are going.  A clear vision brings with it an inspired perspective that is able to see future possibilities. In fact, the size of your vision determines the size of every aspect in your life. Just as a business cannot grow larger than the vision of its leaders, neither can you develop yourself beyond the limits you set.  A strong inner voice is what will spearhead your efforts as you work toward a clear and definite vision of yourself in the future. To develop a powerful inner voice and build your internal motivation you can: Clearly define your core values – the stuff that’s really important to you. Identify the beliefs you hold about yourself. Are those beliefs empowering you or are they holding you back in pursuit of your vision? Use your values and beliefs to guide your daily decisions. Develop a robust vision of what you want to accomplish in each area of your life. (career, relationships, health, family and friends, ...) Decide to make daily steps toward your vision. When faced with a[...]

Breaking Personal Barriers

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 15:18:00 -0500

In the spring of 1954, Roger Bannister became the first athlete to run a mile in under 4 minutes. Three minutes and 59.4 seconds to be exact. Before he did this, breaking a four-minute mile had been considered impossible – completely beyond the physical limits of the human body. Was he successful because he possessed superhuman ability?  No, he was successful because he was a believer. Roger Bannister chose to set aside the widely accepted belief that it wasn’t possible. He saw himself running a mile in under four minutes.  He rehearsed the race in his mind’s eye until he truly believed that he could do it. He believed that he really could break the four-minute mile. The rest is history! And Roger’s belief set off an even more interesting dynamic. Within seven months of setting the new record, thirty-seven others followed him.  Within the following three years, another 300 athletes ran the mile in under 4 minutes. What was thought impossible was now in the realm of completely achievable.  But what happened to those other runners who ran before Roger?  Did their lack of belief limit them and cause them to pass-up on an incredible opportunity?  Are you letting a limited belief of what you can do and accomplish, stop you from reaching your goals and dreams? When you believe you can’t do something, you are right – and you won’t.  When you believe it is possible, you will awake dormant resources within yourself and find the opportunities and circumstances that help make it a reality. You also influence everyone around you – your belief and positive attitude  will set off an infectious chain of accomplishment. In his diary Roger Bannister wrote: "I tried to establish this “now or never” attitude because I knew that unless I was successful in attaining this attitude, I would perhaps lose my chance by letting myself fall prey to the mental reaction so common to athletes — that is, that there would always be a next time of deciding, perhaps, that this is not the day.” Follow these 4 steps  for breaking through your own personal barriers: Decide that today is the day Believe that your goal is possible for you to achieve Get resourceful Take action To be successful you need to decide that today is the day.  Today you will believe in your ability, you will take on a can-do attitude, and you will set in motion the actions you need to accomplish your dreams.  To your success!  [...]

Building Your Net Worth In Times of Crisis

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 21:43:00 -0500

If you’re like most people, you probably spend a lot of time thinking about money or wealth:  how to create it, how to get more of it or how to prevent from losing it.  We seem to dedicate a great deal of time and energy to the pursuit of richness.Now more than ever seems to be the perfect time to explore the meaning of true wealth ... The investment in yourself is the most important and lucrative investment you will ever make. When you concentrate on building a strong sense of identity, build upon self-acceptance, self-respect and self worth, your net worth will soar. You’ll be able to respond to the opportunities and challenges presented to you from a place of increasing presence, resourcefulness, courage and authenticity-even during these times of challenge and economic crisis. On the other hand, when you let frustration, fear, anger, self-doubt run your life, you’ll disconnect from the inner resources you need and surrender to a place of hopelessness and/or helplessness. You’ll feel overwhelmed and powerless and you’ll become a victim of circumstances over which you have little or no control. Having a high level of self-esteem is critical to your overall success, your sense of well being and personal fulfillment. The more you invest in yourself, the better you will understand your core values, your beliefs, your talents, your strengths, your weaknesses, hopes and aspirations. These are your true sources of capital. They help you determine where and when to invest more resources. Whether you are making decisions regarding your career, your work relationships, or your personal relationships, the higher your personal net worth, the clearer your choices will be. High personal worth, or self-esteem, affords you more investment opportunities and makes you more conscious of where and when you want to spend your personal resources.  Awareness of your personal value ,and your values (think about the difference) allows you to get clear about the investments that are right for you. "The quality of your relationships directly affects the quality of your life." Other than investing in your relationship with your self, investing in relationships with others is a significant aspect of a fulfilled life. Personal relationships provide a great opportunity for personal growth, balance and fulfillment. They allow you to make a contribution and a difference in the lives of others. Great relationships, in turn, lead to a significant increase in your personal worth and that of others. The rate of return you get on your relationship investments is directly related to the suitability of the investment.  Just as a wealth manager will ask you a series of questions to understand your investment profile, so should you take stock of your relationship investment portfolio: • What is the portfolio’s current worth? • What personal criteria do you use to determine the return on your investments?  [...]

What You Expect Is What You Get

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 17:59:00 -0500

Your expectations define your reality. What you expect is what you get.  It’s simple, yet powerful and profound all at the same time.  The question is, "Do you expect the best possible outcome for yourself and others?" If you do expect that good things will happen, they usually do.  Not all of the time, but in general, when you expect to succeed, you will.  When you expect to win you're more likely to do so.  When you expect to live a happy and satisfying life, it happens. Conversely, when you expect to fail, be miserable, confused, conflicted or stressed …. you are.  It’s not fate or karma at work here.  It is the basic fact that your attitude, your mental disposition, and general outlook attract similar behaviors and reactions in those around you.  Positive people are surrounded by positive influences. They have a support system of positive people who rally behind them when things don’t go as planned. Negative people only receive more negativity and doubt when they are faced with adversity or challenge.  The expectations that you present to the world about yourself, and the people around you, will usually manifest. Just the way our expectations of others influence how we deal with them, they also influence how other people respond to us. If you’ve ever worked with a person who is primarily negative you will know what I’m talking about.  A negative workplace is the least productive, least satisfying, and least motivating environment to be in.  Negativity is like a black hole that even the brightest light can’t escape from.  Once you get caught up in negativity, it is almost impossible to break free.  To avoid this trap you can work on developing positive expectations about yourself and others. This does not mean you can choose any expectation and expect it to come true. Aside from having a positive and expecting attitude, your expectations must meet two other criteria before they can help you become the person you want to be.  They must be realistic and true to your self. Unrealistic expectations are just as damaging as negative ones.  When you never achieve success you begin to doubt yourself.  All your positive energy is swiftly transformed to negativity.  This brings you right back to where you don’t want to be. If your expectations are not true to the person you are or to person you want to become, you won’t commit to making them a reality.  All too often people try to live up to the expectations of others, such as a parent, a manager, a significant other, a teacher or another authority figure. Make sure your expectations are congruent with who you really are. That is the only way you will realize long term success, and the only way your expectations will continue to remain positive. "High achieve[...]

10 Ways to Build a Positive Mental Attitude

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 21:57:00 -0500

The choice is yours Your life is the product and result of your choices. You always have (and had) a choice. You can choose to let the current state of the economy bring you down or you can choose to look for opportunities in the face of adversity and challenge. Choose to focus your attention on what you can do and what you will achieve. The way you choose to see the world creates the world you see. Limit your time in front of the TV Instead read a positive book, start a project, pick up a new hobby, spend some quality time with your family, or do something that will enhance your life.  Manage your time around your highest priorities and values. Build the habit of using positive language Listen to the words you use. Avoid words like 'always', 'never', 'can’t', 'won’t' and even 'why.' Say 'I choose' or 'I want', instead of 'I need' or 'I should' and notice the difference. Surround yourself with positive people Surround yourself with people who have a positive influence in your life, people who speak the truth and support you.  Expand your circle of positive influence with people who are further ahead in personal and professional development than you are. Disassociate with negative people who impede your progress. Develop a “Givers Gain” mentality Give away what you seek without expectation or measuring. When you seek success, help others to be successful. When you seek happiness, help others to find happiness first. Invest in yourself Listen to positive attitude audio CD’s, invest in courses or workshops or attend personal development seminars.  Read books from people like Napoleon Hill, Earl Nightingale, Jim Rohn, Charles Swindoll, John Maxwell, Dale Carnegie, Anthony Robbins, Jeffrey Gitomer, Wayne Dyer, Norman Vincent Peale, Ken Blanchard, Jack Canfield and many others.  People who write about how you can and will, not why you can’t or won’t. Let go of anger, resentment and judgment Hanging on to negative emotions like anger or resentment will drain your energy and hinders you from moving forward to create positive change in your life. The best way to let go of these emotions is to fully acknowledge the feelings associated with the initial negative experience. Honor those feelings and let them go as they no longer serve you, and replace them with something positive. You can still hold on to the lessons learned from the initial negative experience. Create positive, realistic expectations and take action All too often people try to live up to the expectations of others, such as a parent, a manager or a significant other. Make sure your expectations are congruent with who you really are. You are what you believe, and you become what you expect.  Expect the best, and only the best,[...]

Relaxation Techniques to Deal with Stress

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 09:58:00 -0500

Relaxation techniques were designed to relieve stress, anxiety and can even help with some medical conditions. There are a number of ways or techniques that can be used to relieve stress, and all of them work differently for different people. If one of the following techniques doesn’t work for you, the next one on the list may. Feel free to experiment with the relaxation techniques listed, in order to find the one that works best for you. Yoga: Yoga has been practiced for hundreds of years, and has helped millions of people cope with stress. You can either take a class or learn Yoga techniques from books or the Internet. Stretching, breathing and focusing techniques are the basis of Yoga, all of which are beneficial to someone undergoing stress. Meditation: Meditation is basically a form of thinking, or a way of focusing and sharpening the mind on one thing. It promotes relaxation, and many people use it on a daily basis to relieve stress and anxiety. Soothing Music: Soothing music can be used to relax the mind and body. The old adage that, “music soothes the savage beast,” isn’t far from the truth. Try a CD of nature sounds, or perhaps some soothing classical music is the best choice. It all depends on your own musical tastes. Deep Breathing Techniques: Stress often causes us to breathe shallowly and this almost always increased stress. Mentally scan your body for physical tension. Does your chest feel tight? If so, you may be holding your breath without even knowing it. Shallow breathing puts less oxygen in the blood stream, producing an increase in muscle tension. When you experience headaches or feel anxious and uptight, try this: Choose a comfortable place to sit, preferably away from other people. Sit up straight and keep your feet flat on the floor. Imagine and feel your feet being rooted and connected to the earth. Place your hand on your chest at your middle Dan Tian, one of your body's three reservoirs of energy, located between the middle of the chest; also between the eyes and below the navel to nourish the energy of the heart which "houses the mind." Place your other hand on your belly just below your navel, at your lower Dan Tian, to nourish the energy of the kidneys. Begin taking slow, deep belly breaths. Concentrate on your body expanding and contracting. Visualize your energy sinking lower and lower into your body. Continue this breathing exercise for one to three minutes. Breathing into the lower Dan Tian helps release fear and anxiety. In doing so, you create more stability and become more centered and secure within yourself and your body. A Massage: Who wouldn’t love a nice back massage? Treat yourself every now and then to a well deserved massage. It will help you relax tensed muscles, and relieve stress. A Hot Bath: Curling up with a book in a nice hot tub is a terrific way to end the day. You[...]

Business Coaching: How to Keep Employees Motivated During Tough Economic Times

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 10:20:00 -0500

During uncertain economic times, many employees experience more anxiety about their future, more stress and declining attitudes. If you want to enhance their creativity, increase their productivity and personal engagement, follow these 4 business coaching tips to lead your employees through hard times. 1. Get them involved. It is important to keep the lines of communication open and involve them in developing goals and action steps. Use their skills and knowledge for problem solving, strategy sessions and developing creative solutions. Honest and consistent communication with employees will result in a stronger feeling of connection and increased personal engagement. It will also create a stronger sense of belonging and significance, and minimize their feelings of powerlessness. 2. Focus on personal and career development. The natural law of increase states that all people have the innate desire to grow and learn. Give your employees the opportunity to take advantage of career training and personal development opportunities. 3. Establish realistic expectations that motivate them. Concise and consistent communication of expectations will promote an atmosphere of commitment to success. When expectations are realistic and clear, employees can take full ownership of their personal achievement and become responsible for their own success. Success will boost morale. 4. Reward and recognize. In today’s work environment, praise and recognition are rare. In a recent poll, 65% of Americans reported receiving no recognition for their work. On the flip side, studies clearly indicate that when people receive recognition on a regular basis, they increase their productivity, they increase their personal engagement and they are more likely to stay with their organization. Recognition is most appreciated and effective when it is individualized, specific and well deserved. [...]

Life Coaching Over the Phone: What Are The benefits?

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 12:28:00 -0500

There are many advantages or benefits of coaching over the phone instead of an in office face-to-face coaching session. While I offer my coaching clients the option of both, let's consider some of the benefits telephone coaching has to offer.  Telephone coaching will get you the support and feedback you need for creating meaningful changes in your life and achieving the results you want, while still being able to connect on a very personal level with your life or business coach. Personal coaching over the phone enhances your level of focus as there are fewer distractions during the coaching conversation. Over the phone life coaching establishes an emotional comfort zone allowing you to connect more easily and communicate without feeling pressured to make eye contact or communicate non-verbally. Over the phone coaching is more cost effective. Not only will you pay lower coaching fees than when you would meet with me face to face, you also do not have to pay for any travel expenses. Telephone coaching is extremely time effective. You will not waste any of your valuable time traveling back and forth to our coaching meetings. You won’t get stuck in traffic, no need to battle the weather or look for a parking spot. Over the phone coaching allows more flexibility in scheduling our coaching sessions. You can enjoy coaching in the surroundings of your choice. You can choose  a quiet, private and relaxed place to be during our private coaching sessions. You will be able to connect with me from the comfort and privacy of your own home or office, wherever you feel most comfortable. Working over the phone also enables me to work with clients who would not otherwise be able to benefit from my coaching services. Most of my coaching clients are located in the US, Canada and Europe. To find out whether coaching over the phone will work for you, go ahead and schedule your coaching introduction session today. My telephone-based life and career coaching services are provided but not limited to the following metropolitan areas: St. Louis, Kansas City, Chicago, Las Vegas, Dallas, Houston, Miami, Denver, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Boston, Detroit, New York, Los Angeles, Seattle, Minneapolis, San Diego, Tampa, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Portland, San Francisco, Phoenix, Cincinnati and Cleveland.[...]

What can the flow of a river teach us about life's experiences?

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 07:10:00 -0500

A river always moves forward, setting its course and creating its own path down to the sea. At this place beginning and end all come together. The life of a river is expressed in its flow, just as your life is a continuous flow of experiences. A river's flow is powerful beyond measure. Even when it runs into obstacles, it finds a way past any resistance. Just as a river, your life has a constant flow with changing forms. From calm and steady waters, through accelerating rapids and waterfalls.   Think for a moment about the river of your life. What is the current flow of your life's experiences? Is it calm and steady? Maybe some rocks have found their way into your life's river causing backwater and thereby changing the direction and flow of your course. Perhaps you feel pulled down by the undercurrent of a negative experience. Maybe you find yourself enjoying the rapids of a new and exciting venture.   Wherever you are in the river of life, it is important to be fully present in the flow of your current situation. When you are in the rapids, the only thing to do is to be in the rapids. The river will take you there anyway. To be in the flow means to be present and involved; to allow yourself to experience the honest emotion of your current situation.   All too often we deny or dismiss the negative or painful currents in our lives and miss out on the opportunity to grow and to learn. What you resist will persist, and will eventually come to the surface of the river in the form of turbulence or regret.   Sometimes the stream of life may seem to be stronger than you are. You resist and try to swim against the current. If you have ever experienced the adventure of white water rafting you know that when you fall out of the boat when going through a rapid, you can't swim against it. Instead, you follow the stream and the river will bring you along.   And so it goes in life. Once you fully experience the currents of life's river, you will always move forward and the flow will bring you along. It always does.   Go with the flow and align with the positive currents in your life that pull you forward.[...]

Stress Management: 5 Tips To Release Stress In Your Life

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 16:52:00 -0500

Stress affects us all in varying degrees. Whether your job is demanding, or you’re a single mother struggling to make ends meet, stress can add to the burden you already bear. Learning to manage stress is crucial if you want to live life to the fullest and maintain a healthy balance. Below you will find a few tips and techniques that will help you manage stress, and overcome your burdens. Environmental Control You are in control of your environment. Many people forget this fact, and unwittingly do things out of habit that cause them stress. For example, if the evening news stresses you out, watch a light sitcom instead. If you fight traffic every morning trying to get to work, then either take a bus, and let someone else fight the traffic for you, or find a route less traveled. Controlling your environment, and finding ways to lighten the stress factors in your life is tremendously important. Learn to Express Your Feelings in a Respectful Manner Bottling up your feelings is not a good way of managing stress. In most cases, this leads to resentment, frustration and pent up anger. If something or someone is bothering you, learn to express your feelings in an open, yet respectful manner. Make Time for You It’s important that you set time aside for yourself, even if it’s only for one hour a day. Take a relaxing bubble bath or read a book before bed. However you manage it, having a little ‘me’ time is a great stress reliever. Laughter is Good for You Learn to laugh at situations that may cause you stress. Even laughing at yourself can relieve stress, and humor works wonders for relieving tension. Don’t discount the power of a good belly laugh. Self-Medication is Not a Good Idea Never self-medicate yourself. Sure, that 6-pack of beer may temporarily help you to forget your problems, but in the end, the problem is still there. Instead, meet your problems head-on and find a solution. Use the above tips and strategies to relieve the stress in your life. Don’t allow stress to bring you down, or ruin your life. For other stress related information and resources, you can visit How to manage, reduce, and cope with stress Stress management related information How Stress Coaching can help Test Your Stress Coping Skills[...]

How to Cope With Stress at Work.

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 07:16:00 -0500

Workplace stress or job stress is a very real problem in workplaces around the world. When the demands of the job surpass what you can safely and mentally handle, it can cause headaches, loss of sleep, irritability, stomach upset and make it difficult to concentrate on the task at hand. Not only does it have an adverse effect on you, but also on your company. Stress costs companies around the globe millions of dollars per year. Imagine how much more productive you would be if could cope with stress more effectively? Less sick days and no pounding headaches would invariably lead to more production. So what can you do to reduce stress at work? There are a myriad of ways we can better manage stress in the workplace. Like many things, a large portion of the problem is how we deal and think about our surroundings. If you’d like to manage stress more effectively at work, consider these 5 helpful stress reducing tips.   1.    Think positively whenever possible. Avoid coworkers who constantly complain about their jobs, and try to gravitate to positive thinkers. If you do something well, praise yourself, even if no one else notices. 2.    If stress is bogging you down, you can always take some vacation time. Use that time to relax. If you’re at the workplace, and taking a vacation is out of the question, try taking a walk, listening to your Ipod or relaxing for a few minutes outside with a warm cup of hot chocolate. Sometimes all you need is a few minutes to yourself to clear your head. 3.    Do your best in the workplace, but avoid being a perfectionist. Nothing you do will ever be perfect, and by expecting perfection, you put undue stress on yourself. 4.    Sometimes you just need to blow off some steam, and talking is the best way to do that. Seek out someone you trust, and talk to or get the help from a professional life coach. 5.    Humour really is the best medicine. If you’re feeling stressed out about a certain situation, try finding something funny about it. You can also think about something that’s happened recently that’s funny, or share a joke with a co-worker.   While the emotional and mental symptoms of stress may seem benign at first, it can lead to serious health problems if it’s not dealt with properly. Remember, you’re in charge. A Positive attitude is the first step towards relieving your workplace stress.[...]

How satisfied are you with your life?

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 15:26:00 -0500

Use this life coaching tool below to rate your personal satisfaction within the following areas of your life:
career, health, emotional well-being, financial, friends & family, personal growth, fun and recreation, physical environment, relationship and romance, and life management skills.