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When Mothers Cry: Showing Love to Mothers: Divorced, Single, Married and Depressed Moms



When mothers cry things change! Welcome to one of the understanding mommy blogs for stressed mothers looking for support. Insightful information for people who want to know more about motherhood -- a topic for every Mother's day is found on this site.



Updated: 2017-08-17T08:54:32.030-07:00

 



Being Married to a Narcissist!

2017-08-16T01:14:57.503-07:00

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BACK TO SCHOOL (Mommy Wars Spoof) feat. Fruit of the Loom

2017-08-16T01:14:40.136-07:00

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Back to School Frustrations

2017-08-04T15:50:57.973-07:00

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Misery Loves Company - The Pain One Feels When All Alone with Children

2017-07-25T09:07:05.409-07:00

You don’t know my story as well as millions of others if you haven’t read, “When Mothers Cry.” The topics discussed in that book are the root issues as to why some of us reach a point in motherhood that despite having partners, children, jobs, etc., we still feel alone.  Too much loneliness eventually leads to mental and/or physical pain. Children don’t understand it, a partner might criticize it, but feelings of aloneness are real!Loneliness isn’t always a bad thing; it can be quite good when used appropriately and for a limited amount of time. For instance, your children are gone for the day and instead of thinking about what they are up to with a family member, friend or daycare, you use your time wisely until you see them again.  You might look to others like you are lonely when you are being quite productive. You are getting things done that you always wanted to do and are feeling good about not having anyone around.Yet, loneliness has a dark side. It shows up when you least expect it. Too many days of being alone and you can drive yourself mad especially if you have young children you care for and you have little or no time to be around adults. For some moms the support system just isn’t there for those with a cry or many cries about everything from finances to physical ailments. It isn’t because they haven’t reached out, oftentimes many moms with a variety of concerns do connect with someone or a group, but it doesn’t always help. Our minds are just not all wired the same.I recall a time when I was so lonely to the point that I didn’t care who I talked to while I pushed my double stroller through a small town where most people who lived there were Asian and spoke Chinese. I listened to the broken English speakers as best I could, and we laughed about some things and I felt better during our small exchanges. Some people just don’t realize the power of those small conversations with strangers. They have kept many of us out of trouble.So how do moms who appear to have everything get to a mental state of loneliness?  For some of us, we get to a place of lonesomeness because we pushed the battles away--the negative people. We stopped fighting with them. We no longer found it necessary to clash with partners, employers, friends, relatives, etc. we simply wanted to fulfill our duties and be appreciated. But when our needs weren’t met and relationshipsbecame more of a chore than a benefit, we learned how to keep trouble at bay and then became lonely. Replacements for lonely feelings just didn’t come fast enough, so feelings of isolation took route and for many moms just didn’t leave yet.Technology adds to the state of loneliness since so many things don’t require connecting with people face-to face. Relocations will also create feelings of seclusion. A controlling partner and/or children will do the same. Aloneness shows up sometimes before or after childbirth, divorce, death of a loved one, hormonal changes or when a child moves away. Thank God the state of loneliness is a temporal season for many of us moms, but it happens. However, loneliness can turn into depression if one chooses to wallow in negative feelings for too long.When one is experiencing a myriad of emotions connected to loneliness this is when she is also quite vulnerable. She becomes a magnet for others like her, but sometimes these women don’t mean well. They are miserable about certain life issues they may share or not. In addition, they may not have a faith and have not been free out of loneliness in quite a long time. These women may come off as pushy, needy and/or desperate for a friend or someone they can “help.” But their aid isn’t often appreciated because there is a hint of power and control mixed up in it that other women might have picked up on and so they don’t stick around.Misery shows up and says, “If you need me, I’m here, but I have my own share of problems--lots of them. Listen to me and I might li[...]



Out of Your Mind - falsely accused of "losing it", crazy, mental

2017-07-22T10:02:36.788-07:00

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Saying Goodbye Can Be So Hard - Letting Go

2017-07-20T23:18:29.416-07:00


After we have given birth, we don't even think about the many days ahead that we will have to say goodbye to them, our children.
 
The heaviness in my chest, the sadness that overwhelms me, and the stream of tears...
only God knows, only God knows.

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Something Unbelievable is Starting To Happen WORLDWIDE, All That's Hidde...

2017-07-04T09:12:09.540-07:00

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How to Organize: The Kid's Room

2017-07-04T09:11:42.361-07:00

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When in Doubt About Divorce - separation, breakup

2017-07-04T09:11:17.977-07:00

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K. Michelle - A Mother's Prayer [Official Video]

2017-06-29T10:33:45.959-07:00

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Exposed! Narcissistic Mothers: 10 Shocking Ways to Know if Your Mom is a...

2017-06-29T10:33:32.968-07:00

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When Mothers Cry Author Nicholl McGuire Talks Couple Issues

2017-06-29T10:33:13.564-07:00

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Better Dad than Partner?

2017-06-21T13:43:50.690-07:00


Give it some time, he just might turn out to be a good dad.


When you're in doubt about that guy who suddenly doesn't
seem like you and he will make a great pair, now a baby is on the way.

When Mothers Cry
by Nicholl McGuire
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Birthday Bondage & other Holidays Discussed, YouTube Tips Too

2017-06-21T08:50:43.347-07:00

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10 Things Childcare Providers Could Do For Parents

2017-06-16T16:25:10.028-07:00

Thinking about running your own daycare business from home?  It’s a great idea and will be successful for you when you know what you are doing.  Too often parents visit a daycare with the hopes of registering their child, only to find out the daycare center or home daycare is not what they planned.  Parents have complained of daycare facilities and home daycares being unclean and smelly.  Children being fed a diet of sugary snacks between meals and in some cases didn’t bother to feed the children a meal when they asked “because the parents would be coming to get them soon.”  Lazy workers were uninterested in teaching the children as promised.  Older children (in home daycares) were allowed to interact with toddlers and babies (and in some cases bullied them.)  Without proper planning when running a daycare, childcare providers may lose business or worse encounter lawsuits, so know your business and know your parent’s needs.  The following list is comprised of some things you can do to ensure your daycare is up to par. One.  Provide the daycare’s license number without the parents having to ask.Two.  Upon signing up, all updated daycare policies should be provided to parents including exactly how much your rates are without any sudden changes verbally.Three.  Have receipts prepared before we get there.Four.  Be sure the environment is clean.Five.  Change babies’ diapers often.Six.  Provide healthy snacks like they claim they do (cookies, candies, and cakes served before the parents pick them up are loaded with sugar and add to behavioral issues).Seven.  Show and tell parents what their children did during the day besides the negative reports.Eight.  When telling parents about any negative acts the children did, include what you did to discipline them.Nine.  Document the children’s day what they ate, participated in, whether they were ill, etc. then give parents a copy.Ten.  Notify parents in advance about anyone new who will be working with their children.Share this article with childcare providers and hopefully your voice Mom will be heard.  In order to have a quality daycare business, one has to consider the feedback from others.  All four of my boys have been in childcare, although older now, I didn't forget the good care they received as well as the not-so good care.  Daycare memories can last a lifetime for children, so do think of this when dropping children off with caretakers.Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry now available at Barnes & Noble.  She also maintains this blog, so do reach out for advertising space or blog sponsored posts.[...]



When Mothers Cry - motherhood challenges, books, parents, new mothers

2017-06-15T09:08:03.027-07:00

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Are You A Strict Parent?

2017-06-14T07:55:39.678-07:00

 How to know whether your child will one day shame you.Today you will brag to friends and family about how well mannered, smart, and wonderful your child is to you and everyone who knows him or her.  However, tomorrow just may be a different story.Children grow up and move on with their lives with or without their parents.  You may have a ticking time bomb under your roof that can’t wait to explode and move on without you.  How do you know if you are being too strict and if your child may one day shame the family name?Remember how you were raised?  If you had parents who just didn’t seem to care, then you may want to be sure that you are not like them, but you may be overdoing it.  However, if you had parents who treated you like you were a soldier and they were the generals, you may be repeating their behaviors with your own child.Ask yourself the following questions and make the necessary changes in how you parent before it is too late.Am I angry a lot?  You may be stressed about work, money, your spouse, family, friends or your health.  Your child may be receiving a lot of this anger.  It’s time to determine if these areas of your life can be changed.  My child seems to be acting different lately, what is his or her problem?  Once you have determined what is the root cause of your anger, then examine if there is something your child is or is not doing that could make life better at home.  Maybe he or she is doing well in school, but angry with you for some reason.  Your son or daughter may be struggling with a health problem that you may not be aware.  Communicate with your child and find out if there are any problems he or she is having that you need to help him or her fix.When I discipline my child is it really working?  Physically hitting your child for letter grades, a dish that falls to the floor, or because you are too impatient to assist him or her with homework are not contributing to his or her success.  Instead, you are building up resentment within him or her.  Be prepared for your child to one day look for love in all the wrong places, bad mouth you to family and friends, avoid coming around you, and act out in rebellious ways such as getting in trouble with the law.  What kind of environment am I creating for my child?  You know your environment better than anyone else, because you live there.  A clean, spacious, well-kept home is one that any child can physically thrive in when he or she knows where to find his her belongings and doesn’t have to be concerned with insects invading his or her bed at night.  Yet, with all the cleanliness is there room for he or she to make mistakes?  Can she leave the milk out on the countertop without being yelled at and called every name but the one you have given her?  Will your son be allowed to leave muddy shoes near the front door without worrying whether you will yank him by the arm and throw him up against a wall?  Give them the opportunities to correct their mistakes while increasing future penalties each time they forget.  (Isn’t that what courts do each time one breaks the law?) Does your child appear to be afraid to speak with you?  Some children will actually urinate on themselves when trying to explain to their parents why they broke mom’s vase for fear that they will be punished.  Is this the kind of fear your child has toward you?  Maybe it is a different kind of fear, the kind that runs and hides when you call them.  Start putting a smile on your face, changing your tone of [...]



Nicholl McGuire on Raising Sons

2017-06-01T18:42:19.303-07:00

When I wrote When Mothers Cry, the reaction from fellow mothers was just what I had imagined.  The head nod, the tears, and the questions were all to be expected after reading my book.  However, what really made me feel moved inside was when I heard from moms who were like me, raising sons.  It didn't matter whether we had fathers around or not, we all had our concerns about parenting boys. Time and time again we talked about how easy they were as compared to daughters to parent, but they too come with their share of challenges.  From the political agendas to emasculate them to relatives who were far from good role models, we moms shared our thoughts on and off the Internet and were at times visibly upset with what some of our sons had already been exposed to.I will not say that since the birth of this blog it has been easy teaching, talking to, protecting, and shopping for children.  Not at all!  The journey has been difficult.  With one son who graduated this year from high school and three more to go, I have had my highs and lows.  Yet, I have no regrets divorcing, moving away, moving on, and having a faith.  God didn't put no more on me than I could handle.  Not every mother was built the same and not every mother can take what another mother can take--doesn't make anyone better than the other--we all have our challenges. With the first two boys, everything played out in such a way that I know it was nothing but God who heard my prayers.  Without getting into too much detail, I will share that I was quite elated when I realized just how powerful prayer was (and still is) and how I could simply go to God with my concerns, wait on Him and see results.  I know that sometimes we get angry when people get in the way of our plans, but what I have learned is that when you have a faith, you can get God on the case and not feel like you have missed out on anything in your children's lives whether near or far.The enemy thought years ago he had the upperhand on me before, during and after childbirth.  I admit I made my mistakes, but I never allowed them to consume me when it came to parenting my children whether part or full-time.  I refused to let mean spirited witnesses and self righteous Christians win with their wishes for my failure or vengeful behaviors because I didn't dance by the beat of their drums--lol. Some of you know what I am talking about because you have had to encounter everything from needy dads with all sorts of addictions to evil in-laws and everyone else in between.  Yet, no matter what you have heard or seen that you didn't agree with coming from judgmental folks, you still fight the good fight concerning your sons.  You stay focused on the future knowing that all you can do is show them better than you can tell them by being a good example.I am most grateful to my Father in heaven for choosing me, a mere vessel, to impact so many through my hardships over the years.  I didn't understand at the time when I was crying what was really going on.  But I know now that serving a righteous God, you have to be right!  You have to do what is right and you have to walk right!  So I started with me, asking God to forgive me and later I learned to forgive others.Parenting children, specifically sons, requires preparing them for leadership roles not mini-me roles. They will be leaders in workplaces possibly, in families, and elsewhere.  We are directing them to their rightful place as God intended--Adam and Jesus were both leaders.  They are to love and [...]



Things You Will Absolutely Need Before The Baby Comes Home

2017-06-01T18:01:39.771-07:00

Things You Will Absolutely Need Before The Baby Comes Home: Parenting blog for families of multi-age groups - newborns, tweens, and teens. Basic facts on raising children. Tips on shopping for children.(image)



Children with Issues, Need Prayer - Family, School, Activities

2017-05-31T22:24:51.270-07:00

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Intersex Children: Waiting to Decide on Sex Surgery?

2017-05-26T21:17:50.910-07:00

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My Reaction to 4 Pregnancies Discoveries at Different Time Periods in My Life

2017-07-22T23:06:11.106-07:00

Baby What!? - 1999

Oh no, so not ready!  I am 24 but feel like I'm 18!  I have plans--lots of them!  This can't be happening.  God do something, you know I'm not ready!  I didn't want to have a baby right now and not with this guy--he was supposed to be a friend--(sigh).

Baby Why? - 2000

Yes, why?  What was I thinking isn't this the guy--my so-called friend--who I caught creeping (he had been cheating and hiding his pagers at the time--yeah I just dated myself).  So why did I use the calendar method again!?  I married him, I really married this guy, so this is supposed to make things alright?  Still pregnant...still settling.

Baby When? - 2006

Newly divorced, new life, new guy.  Uh oh, I think I remember when.  I felt odd that night after our love-making.  Something was different, I felt like I didn't like him much afterward.  Yep, I remember when (oh boy!) That reaction turned into "not now" I really didn't feel like I knew my new boyfriend that well. Besides, I met him on the Internet.  Were we ever going to take that trip we both planned?  Nope.  I think I feel sick.   Baby two was supposed to be the last one--stupid doctor knew I was out of it when he asked me about getting my tubes tied--he said a long name--hell, I didn't know what he was saying!  Of course I would have said yes! I am a bit angry...what's up with the red tape...Baby three was supposed to be it--but they couldn't perform the fallopian tube removal surgery that August, so back into my room I went, crying--money, money (sigh).  I can feel it, another baby in my future--I don't want a daughter, God.

How? - 2007

April 2007 expect to deliver baby December 2007, you gotta be kidding!  God we had this talk already.  Seriously, how?  I took 28 birth control pills for 28 days and was on my way to the CVS to get my refill when I noticed my stomach was a little puffier than usual.  Doctor said he put me on a low dose birth control pill since I was breast-feeding and I forgot about back up protection (sigh).  Dad's reaction (same father of "When?"), attitude, lots of attitude.  The next nine months was interesting to say the least--had last baby successfully.  Thank God, future pregnancy complications if I don't get surgery, says nurse--yes!  Fallopian removal surgery a success.  I told you I didn't want anymore children.  Four sons is enough, thank you Jesus!

Nicholl(image)



When People Hate You For No Apparent Reason 9 Times Out of 10 Their Hate...

2017-05-20T21:23:46.532-07:00

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Too Much or Too Little Responsibilty Given to Children?

2017-05-19T10:28:56.946-07:00

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Imperfect Mother, No Perfect Children - book excerpt Tell Me Mother You're Sorry by Nicholl McGuire

2017-05-16T09:36:15.870-07:00

The dedicated daughter or son who tried over the years to be perfect in the eyes of her imperfect mother is desperate for compliments, adoration and other similar things, because these children got either too much praise from their self-righteous mothers or too little. These grown children hope, expect, and appreciate people showering their mother's with admiration. However, there is a side effect to all the outside attention that they don't like and don't want to put up with and that is the comparison statements that come afterward. “Everyone else thinks I'm a good mother... why don't you all?  Your friends appreciate me more than you!” Connecting with your own stressed out mother can cause stress for you and your baby.Her need of attention isn't worth a miscarriage.Mrs. Perfect plays victim and the “My own children don't love me” card to guilt them. She felt disrespected, unappreciated, and didn’t feel she had a voice with her own mother, so now she expects her children to fill the void. She prides herself on her self-righteous act that is enabled through community involvement, job performance, degrees, and accolades. With so much going on with her, you can't tell her she can't do any wrong, but she can and she will. If only she could be honest with herself and those around her, the perfect act would be unnecessary. These women work far too much to build reputations and even harder to keep those around them in line. Too much work for such a short time to live on planet earth.Try this simple exercise. Say, “I’m not perfect.” Now say it again. Say it like you mean it. What is happening on the inside every time you say this? If you are sincere, there should be a weight coming off of you. If not, and you still carry affirmations within that sound like you believe yourself to be right, perfect, always honest, and other similar thoughts, then not only did you read about someone you know, you just might be the one described previously dumping your false sense of self on to your children.The next time someone points out one of your faults, notice how you feel on the inside, listen to the words that come out of your mouth, and watch how you and the individual react to one another. Those who look to be validated on their perfection, praised for their actions, wish to be the center of attention, and other related things, will defend, argue, act vengeful, and cause the one who is pointing out their flaws some degree of discomfort. Just like the mother who thought her self to be perfect, so to her daughter and son can’t stand to be wrong.“You know you were wrong when you said…I disagreed with that part about…You might want to think twice about…You really hurt my feelings,” the wounded perfect mom will fight even when there is no fight with others. She will act as if she knew someone’s intentions when she really didn’t. “What did you mean when you said…? I’m not wrong, you are! What about that time when you…Don’t judge me!” Rather than simply correct the wrong, she makes a scene, lies or exaggerates, argues with people, talks badly about them, points out your faults, and anything else that will make her appear to be right. Didn’t her mother do those things to her when she pointed out her flaws? History has a way of repeating itself and not for the good either! Then when she realizes she is behaving just like her mot[...]