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Preview: Chief Executive Dad's Club

Chief Executive Dad's Club

Helping dad's work less and spend more time with their families

Updated: 2013-04-17T18:16:29.037-07:00


LADIES....Is your husband married to YOU or his JOB?!


You probably remember your wedding day.....all the fanfare, fairy-tale details, fun and joy. You dreamt of the perfect life-your husband pulling into the driveway at 5:15 after a full day of work ready to sit down for family dinner and spend the rest of the evening playing with the kids. Then you get home from your honeymoon and get smacked upside the head by a different version of your dream as your reality.

"Oh don't worry, honey. Once we're married, I'll slow down at work." he told you when you got engaged. "Oh, don't worry honey. Once we have kids, I'll slow down at work.-I promise" he echoed three years later when you decided to start a family.

So there you sit with your three children. Waiting. Wondering. Will it be another night with just you, the kids and an empty placemat at the dinner table? "Mom, when's dad going to be home?" your kids ask with a lonely, longing whine. "He'll be home soon, honey. Eat your mac-n-cheese," you reply with a forced tone of truthfulness and a fake smile.

There is an epidemic of sorts occurring in our society. Too many women and children are becoming "corporate widows and corporate orphans." They spend their days and nights longing for their husband/father whose conquer-the-world ego won't let him stop his quest to sell more, see more patients or close his next big deal.

If you're in a situation where you feel lost, alone or ignored; you're likely not as alone as you feel. Tens of thousands of wives, mothers and kids are in the same boat-living in a family with a father who's little more than a provider of material.

It's time to put the family first. This BLOG is dedicated to helping your husband or your dad have both an enviable successful career AND a grounded involved family life. Read on-comment and spread the word.

For Traveling Dad's


If you have a job that requires you to travel, I'd suggest you take a very hard look at what you're doing. You're likely caught in what feels like an inescapable dilemma-You MUST travel for your job to maintain your results and income and provide for your family. You probably don't realize what those days away mean to your spouse and to your kids.

If you travel, consider this:

1-Take a day off for every day you travel.
2-Use VIRTUAL meeting tools whenever possible. There is too much technology available to not consider this an option.
3-Tell your boss you're going to reduce your travel time to be with your family more and work on the plan to continue your effectiveness without traveling.

Most guys I speak with who travel say, "Oh, it's just for a couple of years. I won't do it forever." Yeah, right. Once those days are gone, they're gone. Act on it now. You, your spouse and your kids will be better off with you home than with you sitting in room 1218 at the Dallas/Ft. Worth Marriott.

Strategy #26: Drive Around the Block


I'm sure you've been there.... Rushing out of the office-cell phone glued to your ear returning one last phone call. You run two red lights and forget to turn into your driveway as your number one customer gives you an ear-full because his last shipment was late. You hit the "end" button on the phone just as you open the door and you hear that unmistakable welcome home mantra-"DAD!!!!" Suddenly the sound of six miniature Fred Flinstone feet come barreling around the corner. Your three kids simultaneously leap into your arms and pull at your legs. So what's the problem? The problem is-YOU'RE MENTALLY STILL ON THE PHONE TRYING TO SAVE YOUR BEST CUSTOMER. As easy as we pretend it is, we guys have a tough time shutting down. Sometimes it takes hours before the adrenaline of the day finally wears off-and by then we've already missed the one-on-one time with our family.

Try this next week: Drive around the block. Take a few extra turns on the way home. Get everything mentally out of your head and decompress in the car. Once you feel like you're ready to be 100% dad, head for home. You'll find your time at home is much more relaxing and engaging. Your kids and spouse will notice too-I guarantee it. Drive around the block. Sounds too simple, but it's the simplest things that have the greatest impact.

Buy Life Long Season Tix To Your Kid's Events


My parents got divorced when I was nine. My mom took my brother and me from Indianapolis back to Evansville, Indiana, to be near her family. She had a job as a secretary, no money, and two kids of the ages nine and six. She was paid by the hour.I tried out for the sixth- grade basketball team when I was in fourth grade. Now, it seemed like the chances of a fourth grader making the sixth- grade basketball team at Stockwell Elementary School were even smaller than the Cubs’ chances of winning the World Series, but I made it! I couldn’t wait to tell my mom. She seemed even happier about it than I did, and believe me, I was grinning from ear to ear. My games were at 3:30 p.m. on weekdays. My mom’s job called for her to stay at work until 5:00 p.m. As a nine- year- old, I didn’t understand how leaving work early might affect her job security. All I knew was that I was on the sixth- grade basketball team!Before our first game, I was terrified. I talked my mom into letting me buy some canvas high-tops with a baby blue colored "swoosh" on the side from a cool new shoe company named Nike. (it was 1979.). She obliged, even though we didn’t have the money. The shoes made me feel a step or two quicker, but they didn’t do much to calm my nerves. I had never played basketball in front of people before. I also had never played in front of my mom.The day of our first real game, I walked down to the locker room after my last class and changed into my uniform. My hands trembled as I tightly laced up and re-laced my new Nikes three or four times. Our coach, Mr. Wilhelm, gave us final instructions. “Just relax and have fun, boys,"” he said. It was time to take the court in the first real organized basketball game of my life. We lined up in the hallway as we had practiced the night before. The warm- up routine ran over and over in my head: buddy bounce passes, three- man weave, zig zag defense, free shooting and free throws.When coach gave us the nod, our team came running out of the hallway onto the court. My stomach was doing flips. I saw dozens of people, smelled the freshly popped popcorn, and heard the sounds of multiple basketballs striking the floor like bass drums. The moment I stepped foot onto the court, all of those impressions stilled for a moment. I was dumbfounded. All I could do was look around to find my mom. I forgot about buddy bounce passes and the three- man weave. I needed to find my mom. I had to have an eye on her. I frantically scoured the stands with my eyes. I looked up and down one side and saw nothing. Eventually, I looked across the gym and found her sitting in the second row, staring proudly at me with a huge smile on her face. I breathed a sigh of relief to myself. Being the laser-focused, nine-year-old hoops stud that I was, I couldn’t smile back. She knew this and didn’t take it personally. But inside, having her there was the most comforting feeling in the world for me. Mickey Mouse, President Carter, and Mister Rogers could have been sitting right next to her, and I wouldn’t have paid a bit of attention to them. I was just so incredibly happy to see my mom’s comforting smile and her undivided attention.I didn’t realize then the sacrifice she had to make to come to my games. I’m sure she never realized how much it meant to me. As the sole breadwinner for herself and two kids, her job was very important. Yet somehow she knew that being at my basketball game at 3:30 p.m. on a Wednesday afternoon transcended the importance of any job she could ever have. As a fourth grader on the sixth- grade team, I rarely stepped foot on the court. Still, my mom never missed a game--—home or away. I continued my involvement in athletics through high school earning five varsity letters in three sports. And my mom continued to be my most dependable fan throughout. It didn’t matter when or where the game was-[...]

Don't Confuse Your Role of Provider With Your Role as Dad


I’ve heard it. I’ve said it. You’ve heard it. You’ve said it. “I have to provide for my family. That’s what I’m supposed to do.” You have yourself convinced that your ability to excel at work is really the most important gift you can give to your family, right? If so, it’s time to change your thinking. Give yourself some credit here. You are more than a meal ticket. You are more than a mortgage payment. You are more than a college fund. You are also a person and, a very important one in from your family’s lifestandpoint, a priceless one. One of the our problems that we as guys have is that we is our tendency to think of ourselves more in terms of what we do than who we are. But when it comes to oOur children, however, they want nothing more (or less) than to just revel in our presence. They don’t care ifwhether we earn six figures with stock options; they like the way our eyebrows crinkle up when we try to think of a knock-knock joke. Being a good dad requires that we start thinking of ourselves as people rather than solely as providers. I remember the day my wife told me she was pregnant with our first child. We weren’t “trying” to get pregnant. But you now how nature sometimes takes the course nature wants to take. It was September of 2001. and I was officiating a small college football game in Ohio. After the game, I got sat in the my car and received picked up a message left by my wife on my cell phone.: It was my wife. Her message was simple, but serious, “Come straight home please.” At first I thought this meant she’d be waiting for me naked with a ribbon around her neck when I got home! Well, maybe not. When I finally did get home and saw her faceknowing smile, I could tell immediately. She gave me a knowing smile and I asked the question, “Are you pregnant?” I asked. She shrugged her shoulders and started to happy-cry. I joined her for a half hour or so. Then the thoughts began to come. I guess the pre-historic part of my brain started to take controlover my thoughts:. “Ughhh… How we afford baby? Baby cost much money. Ughhh...”Like many men, I had our life planned out through my funeral. Everything was to happen at the precise second I had planned--—especially the pregnancy part. I worked in a high- commission job, and our plan was to have for my wife to stay home with our children. I immediately began to think of strategies to supplement my income. “Okay, I’ll get a second job. We’ll sell the house. We’ll stop eating. I’ll sit at a freeway on-ramp with a sign: ‘Pregnant Wife: Please Help.’” My thoughts of money at a time like this were not actually signs that I was unable to relate emotionally to my wife. No, my reaction was God-given and biological. I was simply feeling my provider instinct kick in. I was hearing the call to come out of my cave, club an animal over the head, and drag it back to the family. This instinct happens to serve us very well. I do need to go out into the world and collect a paycheck and buy the Osh Kosh overalls and the diapers. But, my role has also advanced a little since the caveman days. I need to wrestle with my provider instinct and get it in line with some of the other ways of being human that are available to me through the miracles of human progress and civilization. The guy with the club is not the father I want to be. So, our job is to manage that provider instinct and not let it take over our lives. It’s That’s a tough job. It’s biological to oObsessing over the monetary aspect of parenthood is a biological instinct,. and Ddismissing that instinct is kind of like reading “Playboy” for the articles. It’s just not natural. So, we have to continually work on this one. We have to listen to al[...]

Get the Heck Out of the Office


It still boggles me why men are rewarded for "working hard." It seems the man's badge of respect is best earned by eating lunch at one's desk and staying in the office later than the second shift cleaning detail. By the time the guy gets home, he has thirty minutes to spend with his kids before passing out on the couch in the middle of listening to his wife tell him about her day. (not a good thing).

I vote for a new way of thinking. I vote men start to go home at 4:30 everyday. Imagine a world where business stopped at 4:30. Projects that "had to be done" could suddenly wait until tomorrow. We'd get home in time to go on a family walk, eat dinner together and play board games for two hours. We'd be more relaxed, although we think we'd be more stressed. We'd still get the work done, although we wouldn't think we could. We'd still be successful, although we'd assume we'd get passed over for a promotion or lose a big account.

In the end all we have is our faith and our family. That's what we start with and that's what we end with. Why not enjoy them now.

I challenge you beginning tomorrow to leave work at 4:30. Plan on it and you'll make it work-I guarantee it.


Supporting Mamma is Part of the Equation


This morning before I left for work, it became boldly apparent that my wonderful wife felt unsupported by her numb-skull husband-me. It seems through the course of writing a book, consulting with clients and refereeing Division I football, I had forgotten to focus on the pillar of our family-my wife. While I keep a good balance between all of my endeavors and my family-the "family" part typically focuses on my kids. I want to be there for them when they wake up and when they go to bed. I want them to see me at lunch time. I want to sit down with them at dinner every night. But in all the chaos, I forgot about the other "adult" in the house. The amount of work that she does and did at home, at our church, in our community and with her friends had gone un-praised, unnoticed and ignored by her so-called husband. Instead, my tendency turned toward helping her manage her chaos so she didn't feel so overwhelmed. Check this one out, ladies:

She (my wife): "It's so hard for me to get the kids ready to go to the YMCA, straighten the house and come back to prepare lunch."

My (so-called husband): "It's not that hard. Just make them pick stuff up before you leave."

Umpire: STRIKE THREE--------YOU'RE OUT!!!!!!

I missed it completely. What my wife wants (just ask Dr. John Gray) is for me to empathize with her and validate her feelings. What my bite sized caveman mind wants to do is FIX HER!...ME STUD-FIX WIFE...UGHH UGHH....(maybe I'll start dragging her around by her hair too...)

Guys, take this advice when you're looking for better balance between work and family: KEEP MAMMA HAPPY. WHEN MAMMA'S HAPPY-EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.

I challenge you to have a Fierce Conversation with your spouse about this. I bet you're missing more than you think. Bye for now.

The Worst Reason to Retire


I'm sure you've heard it before. "_______ (fill in the name) has decided to step down to spend more time with his family." Guest what, _________(fill in the name again). TOO LATE. It still amazes me how many men who spend twenty or thirty years climbing the ladder, spending week's away from their families end up resigning with the desire to backfill the family relationships that they missed on the way up. Doesn't it seem more appropriate to delay the inevitable ego-driven rise to career success while our kids need us around the most? It's possible to do them together. One must use his creativity and focused energy to create a life grounded by family but blessed by the success of a fulfilling and rewarding career. I can't wait to tell my kids at their college graduation that I'm going to take some time off from them to focus on my career. At that point, I figure they'll be tired of my anyway.

Good Article