2011-11-08T11:04:46.459-05:00Back in a bit.
2011-09-28T09:13:42.038-04:00"Now is there any new business," says Giblets."Well the boat's sinking," says me."Giblets seems to recall that coming up at the last meeting," says Giblets, "which would make that old business.""Well it's more sinking-er than it was last time," says me. "That's kind of new.""And under Old Business we agreed to form a Boat Sinking Committee to launch an investigation into the possibility of making
2011-09-12T14:33:41.271-04:00As it happens, there's another universe in the back of the closet next to the bookshelf in the spare room. It's nearly identical to ours, except that in this universe, 9/11 never happened.* Everything else is the same: George Bush, Barack Obama, Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Yemen, Guantanamo, Bagram, the torture networks, the secret prisons, and on and on - but there were no planes crashed into the
2011-05-02T12:46:12.042-04:00After years of groaning unemployment and morbid obesity, America has rediscovered its love of life by killing a thing. While the thing had killed other things, it had frequently killed the wrong kinds of things, in the wrong kinds of ways, and it was important, America felt, to kill it, along with several hundred thousand other things, to stress the point. "There is a long and honorable tradition
2011-03-23T15:49:46.395-04:00Freedom! If there's one thing America loves, it's... well, war. But if there's two things America loves, it's war and torture. But if there's three things America loves, it's war, torture, and genocide. But if there are several dozen things America loves, they are war, torture, genocide, chattel slavery, apartheid, ethnic cleansing, assassination, poverty, institutionalized bribery,
2010-09-15T08:25:53.710-04:00"If you had to do it all over again what would you do different?" says me."Nothing!" says Giblets. "Giblets has no regrets!""I think I'd travel more or go back to art school or maybe not drive the car off that cliff back when you said 'Hey Fafnir let's drive this car off that cliff'," says me."Oh, so we're back to this again!" says Giblets. "That was like, eight whole seconds ago. Let it go
2010-08-03T18:01:36.128-04:00See you in September.
2010-06-03T15:33:25.427-04:00Well now. Israel, the Palestinians, and Gaza. It's a sad story, and we're terribly sorry about it all, of course, feeling pronounced Official Regret in our pronounced Official Regretbones, and we feel compelled at this juncture to demand a request for an investigation into the possibility of an inquiry into the formation of a select bipartisan panel looking into whether or not to request an
2010-04-09T09:06:48.617-04:00"If you could wish for one wish from all the wishes you could wish, what would you wish?" says Giblets."Well yknow I always thought the world'd be a better place if people could communicate better," says me, "which is why I developed Fafsperanto, the universal language made from English and Spanish and Urdu and Mandarin and rhythmic elephant trumpeting.""Shut up Giblets doesn't care!" says
2010-04-07T10:08:57.568-04:00Literally tens of Americans were shocked this week to discover that the United States military likes to kill people. Unsettling news, yes, particularly for those of us who had assumed in good faith that one million Iraqis had accidentally slipped on a banana peel one morning and fallen into a pile of mislaid cruise missiles, but before we leap to all sorts of unsightly conclusions, calling Our
2010-04-05T12:20:39.550-04:00We are at war with Pakistan, bombing and killing thousands of people who might otherwise object to our war with Pakistan, which is urgent and vital and necessary to secure the success of our war with Afghanistan, in which we are bombing and killing thousands of people who might otherwise object to our war with Afghanistan, which is urgent and vital and necessary to secure the success of our war
2010-04-02T00:20:25.721-04:00APRIL FOOLS! WOKKA WOKKA!
2010-03-25T13:10:27.316-04:00"You know what day it is today?" says me."It's the Feast of the Martyrdom of Saint Willig, patron saint of haberdashers and turnips," says Giblets."It's our blog's very own birthday!" says me. "Seven years of uninterrupted journalistic excellence!""No, no, I'm pretty sure it's just Saint Willig," says Giblets flippin through a liturgical calendar. "Martyred on this day in 1309 while choking on a
2010-03-23T13:04:30.505-04:00AND NOW!!! FAFBLOG PRESENTS!! HISTORY'S AMERICA'S FINEST PRESIDENTS!!!William Henry HarrisonPresident McCheesePrezbot from the short-lived 80s sitcom Prezbot!, about the break-dancing presidential robot who breakdances and is president and is also a robotJesus
2010-03-16T08:57:13.346-04:00So I guess I musta slept late or forgot the alarm or hit the snooze too many times or somethin cause when I wake up this mornin I'm in the future. The future's a lot like the present only it's older and more used up. The streets are dusty and the the cars are pre-crashed and the ground's retired and the sky's closed for repairs so most people just stay inside and break things at home. I go out to
2010-03-11T15:19:39.279-05:00It took seven years, three trillion dollars and a million corpses, but America has finally transformed Iraq from a cruel dictatorship ruled by torture and ethnic cleansing into a cruel dictatorship ruled by torture and ethnic cleansing where select survivors are free to vote for the torturer of their choice. And Jesus said "It is accomplished!"Is Iraq a democracy? Of course not. But is it close
2010-03-08T18:47:43.129-05:00"Maybe we can outsmart global warming with gumption and can-do and thousands of tiny robots!" says me."Maybe all we need is a simple technological solution, like installing blinds on the sky or an off switch for the sun," says Giblets."Maybe we could flip the continents over when they get hot in the summertime," says me. "I bet they're nice and cool on the other side.""Maybe if the oceans start
2010-03-08T18:04:32.062-05:00VICTOREEEEEEEEE! After nineteen years of bombs and wars and torture and bombs and torture and ethnic cleansing and torture, America's mission in Iraq has finally been re-reaccomplished through the miracle of symbolic purple-fingered brown people! Oh sure, all the cynics and the critics and the nattering nabobs of payingattentionism will say "Oh but Giblets haven't we had five or six of these
2010-02-18T09:03:45.346-05:00So a coupla Israeli guys are hangin around in Dubai, havin a good time, checkin out the place, seein the sights, that building that looks like a boat, that island that's shaped like a bigger island, get a few drinks, catch a show, kill a Palestinian, maybe grab a coupla souvenirs for the kids an hit the road. Oh wait! Wait a second! Something went wrong there! Something happened there that was