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Preview: The Tales of Princess Mikkimoto

The Tales of Princess Mikkimoto

One Bouncing Boy. One Single Mother. Lots and lots of fun!

Updated: 2018-03-06T07:26:36.412-06:00


My Blog Has Moved!


Come see my new and improved blog at:

A Face Lift for Princess


Exciting news here at The Tales of Princess Mikkimoto.
I'm moving onto my own URL!
My friend Clay has been a big help in this very cool change.
Oh and by "help" I mean he has been doing it all, telling me what to do step by step and when I still whine and cry and whine some more that I just "don't get it!!" he says very supportive things like, "Don't get is a VERY easy is just different. There is also this really crazy link at the top right called "Help". Don't be afraid to use it. I know it seems wacky, but just give it a shot. :) "

So stay tuned for the new Tales of Princess Mikkimoto. Coming soon to a computer near you.

And er, don't be shocked if you come here in the next few days and you just see it. That's one of those crazy fan-dangled things that Clay is doing. He's smart like that.

A Letter To Ben's 2nd Grade Teacher


Dear Tonya,

Thank you so much for teaching my kid how to read, how to do math that even I didn't understand and for making him become a good, responsible kid.

We will miss you so much next year.

I do have a couple questions for you though.

When you said in Ben's end of the year report card, that he should read 20 minutes a day this summer, you really meant he should be playing his new PS2 20 minutes a day right?


And then when you said he should develop a pen pal and write this summer, you really meant he should IM with his Grandma over Yahoo Messenger. Right?

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:31:04 PM): HELLO!

gma (6/18/2008 5:31:22 PM): Hello there. Are you Becky or Ben?

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:31:33 PM): B E N

gma (6/18/2008 5:31:42 PM): Hi dere, what's new?

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:32:02 PM): No Nothen

gma (6/18/2008 5:32:44 PM): Oh, well, is your mom having company for dinner?

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:33:23 PM): yes

gma (6/18/2008 5:33:34 PM): What is she cooking?

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:33:49 PM): hold on

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:34:32 PM): a ardacok chikon

gma (6/18/2008 5:34:55 PM): Do you mean Artichoke Chicken?

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:35:04 PM): ya

gma (6/18/2008 5:35:40 PM): Don't be sad. Be happy! That will be delicious!

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:36:07 PM): okay

gma (6/18/2008 5:36:31 PM): You're funny. I have to go now. So byebye for now!!!!!

Yeah I thought so. Great! Thanks for the clarification, Tonya! Have a great summer!


Mother Of The Year and the Child Who Will Forget Everything He Learned By September 2nd.

100 Things About Me


In the spirit of already hitting my 100th post, and totally copying my cute cousin Amy, I decided to post 100 things about me.Please note you don't have to read through the entire list. But if you do I'll know you are a REALLY good person and I will give you a cookie!These are in no particular order. YOU try 1) coming up with 100 things about yourself and then 2) putting them in some sort of order.I am the youngest of three.and I totally act like the baby of the family.I love being a mom.I always secretly knew I would do this on my own and I love it.But I don't think I want any more kids.For the first time in my life I am truly happy being single. I need a man like I need a hole in the head.But I do want to get married, someday. I'm a raging Democrat who loves Barack Obama. I love chilled white wine.I don't like red wine and it really doesn't like me.I love VERY dirty martinis.I love my job.I love my cousin Amy like a sister.I am deathly afraid of bats which has also made me hate birds. Or really any thing with wings.I like really bad TV. Especially bad reality TV. I love summer in Madison.My friends are everything to me. And I would do ANYTHING for them.But Ben is my best friend and my favorite person.My parents are my heroes and I love them, maybe too much.Mexican is my favorite type of food.I'm an Aries but I don't believe in Astrology.I am Jewish but not religious.I do, however, believe in God.Scientology scares the shit out of me.I love going to pools and don't care what I look like in my swim suit.But take me to a hip bar and I can be very insecure.I sneeze really loud.I love deviled eggs.I am the queen of deals, coupons and sales.I have never done drugs. Other than smoked pot once, which was NOT a good idea.I don't smoke and hate cigarettes. I feel bad for smokers and my friends that smoke because I really don't think they can quit.I am blessed that I sleep like a rock.I love naps.My bed is my favorite thing in my apartment.I love my apartment but I do want a house in the near future.I am left handed.I like the idea of having my hair long but I can't stand it when it's long.I love my hair dark and don't miss the blonde. At all.But I can't believe I'm going gray.The number one thing I worry about is money.I love purses.and I love shoes.I have too many purses and shoes.My favorite pop is Coke Zero.I call it "pop" and not "soda".My brother and sister are actually my half brother and sister.My middle name is Elizabeth.Halloween is my favorite holiday.Christmas is second.I think Dr. Suess should write a book called "The Jew Who Loved Christmas" starring me.I love to throw parties.I love going to parties.I love to cook and wish Ben would eat things other than cheese pizza and cereal so I could cook more.Pink is my favorite color.If Ben was a girl he would have been named Anna, after my grandmother.My uncle Bob is one of the coolest and most generous people I know.I can be incredibly lazy.But I need to have a lot of plans on the weekends.I hate making Ben's lunches.I like doing laundry but hate folding clothes.My bathrooms are a mess. I really hate to clean but love a clean house.I love email.I can type fast.I am a great friend.I am honest.I like making people laugh.I hated Middle school and dread that Ben has to go in three years.I want a Golden Retriever puppy.and yes I know how much work they are. Thanks.I love Seattle.I also love Washington D.C.I wish I could travel more.I wish I could play golf.I have always wanted to be a runner.Someday I will.I love junk food. Especially Taco Bell.And doughnuts. I love doughnuts.But my biggest weakness is ice cream.I hate going to the dentist.Even though I have never had a cavity.My teeth are very white and it's not on accident.I'm obsessed with people's teeth. It's the first thing I notice about a person. After their eyes.I don't feel or act like I'm 36.I am a sun worshipper. But I do now wear sunscreen.I love the smell of summer Ben. It's a mix of sunscreen and chlorine from the pool.I love coffee [...]

June Sunset From My Living Room Window


Wordless Wednesday

The Fax of Life


As I have mentioned before, my office is quite small. It's just Josh, myself and our machines... a fax machine and a printer. Since both are vital for us to do our jobs, they have become part of the family. The fax machine is Fred and the printer, Patty.

Fred is very finicky. If you don't feed the paper into him just right he screams like a 2 year old having a temper tantrum. Some might choose to call it "beeping" but I call it screaming.

Last week, Fred had one of these fits. Maybe it was the full moon. Maybe it was that Patty just got new toner. I'm not really sure. I just know he didn't like it when either Josh or I stuffed him with paper.
At one point, he got so mad, he chose to eat a piece.
We were working when Fred started to scream.
"Ugh, now what?"
Josh walks over. "What is your deal today? You have paper!"
CRUNCH! Crinkle. Crinkle.
"Uh oh, that doesn't sound good." I say.
Just then Fred spits out only half a piece of paper.
Josh opens the cover and goes in to retrieve the other piece of paper that is still in Fred's mouth. Josh does get the paper out but Fred won't give up that easy.
Josh then closes the cover.
"You ate it! Spit it out if you don't want it anymore."
"THE COVER IS OPEN BECAUSE YOU SAID TO 'PLEASE OPEN COVER'!!! Now it's telling me to 'please close cover'.
"Oh, this is going to be a fun game! Cover is again open. What would you like? Do you want more paper? Are you hungry? Well I don't know what to tell you. Check drum unit?!? What does that have to do with anything!?"

All the while I am cry laughing at my desk at the power struggle between man and machine.
I think my favorite is when Josh finally really lost it and started to beep in the same exact tone as Fred.

Finally after all was said, done and FIXED, the office was very quiet. I think that was Fred and Josh's silent male way of apologizing to each other.

Me on the other hand... I giggled about it for the rest of the day.

This is just one of the many reasons, if I won the lottery today I would still come into work tomorrow.

You Know It's Been a Long Week When....


This past week was actually three weeks disguised as a Monday through Saturday. Not only was work busy, but Ben was with my parents every day, all day (Thanks again Mom and Dad!) while he had a week off from the end of school and the beginning of camp. Since the universe isn't fair, he had this crazy cough that sounded like a seal with lung cancer. Colds in the summer are just mean. And on top of all that, I had to work on Saturday for a big database conversion.

Saturday morning I dragged myself out of bed and then had to wake up my boy to get him over to Grandma and Grandpa's for yet one more day.

"Honey, it's time to get up."

"Ben honey... time to get up. I have to get you to Grandma and Grandpa's because I have to get to the hospital."

All the sudden Ben sits up and starts crying hysterically.
"I have to go to the hospital!?!?" he sobs

"WHAT!? No." trying very hard not to laugh "I do. I have to work today. Why in the world would you think YOU had to go?"

"Because of my cough." he sniffles.

Since I am a youngest child and therefore a total brat, part of me really wanted to say "Yes Ben. You need to go to the hospital for immediate Cough Surgery." But even I'm not that mean and I figured getting the kid up at 7:00am on a Saturday was cruel enough.

Later in the car on the way to drop off Ben, he said "When Samuel gets here we have to be super good at Motocross Mania. Like get 1st or 2nd place every time we play."

"What? When Santa comes? Why is Santa playing Motocross with us?"

"SAMUEL Mom! Not Santa!"

"Oh." Can this week be over now?

But we did end Saturday by sitting at the Memorial Union, with this as our view.

(image) (image)
Which I figured, if you have to go through a 24 day week, this wasn't a bad way to end it.

The Last Supper


Life is hectic and people seem to get busier and busier everyday. If you aren't careful you can lose sight of the important things in life. Like the one thing that makes life bearable and sane: girlfriends!

My two great girlfriends, Shelly and Richelle (or the "Sha Sha's" as my mom likes to call them) and I get together monthly for what we call the "R.S.R Dinner." (Richelle, Shelly and Rebecca. Get it? Yes, Becky is short for Rebecca. Can we move on now?)

We always have it at my place because I'm the only one that has one of those "kid things" and what can I say, he likes to have me around.
We do however switch up who brings what course; main dish, dessert and wine. Of course wine has it's own category. Duh!

I savor these nights. It's just some quality time to laugh, catch up on gossip without having to stave off all the men who flock to us like moths to a flame when we are out and about (oh how I wish that was true...).
Sometimes we have guest appearances. One time Richelle's roommate joined and once we had a guy (gasp!), our friend Wyatt, crash the party.
But it's always been at least the three of us.

Sadly this was our last one for awhile. Richelle decided (while not of sound mind or body I'm sure) to move back to her hometown of Austin, Texas in early July. While Shelly and I are very happy for her, selfishly we are miserable. She will be missed deeply.

So until she comes to her senses and realizes she can't live without us and the challenge that is Wisconsin in the winter, we are taking applications for another member of our dinner group. The only stipulation is your name must begin with the letter with "R". Or, if you are really great but your name is Jessica, we reserve the right to rename you. We really don't want to be left with just a B.S. dinner.

I miss you already Richelley. Come home soon.

Happily, Some Things Never Change


My friend Emily recently sent me some pictures of Stella and Ben from 2002 - 2003. At first I couldn't stop looking at these pictures and mourning the baby that was gone. I miss that little guy so much, I thought as my ovaries did a little flip.
And then, after another hour of staring at these pictures, I looked at some of my recent pictures and realized, it's still the same kid. He's just taller and a little thinner.

Want proof?

Then: bringing everything from Stella's room out to poor Emily's living room.


Now: and they still love making a huge mess at age 8! Clearly this is what happens when the mothers are too busy talking on the back deck to notice what the kids are doing inside. At least we have the sense to take pictures of it all. Now we can show these to Ben and Stella when they are parents and don't understand why their kids make such messes!

Then: such a sweet messy ice cream face. God that face! I could eat it! Even without the ice cream on it.

Now: the dude still can't eat ice cream without leaving a trace on his bottom lip.

Then: Mommy's boy

Now: I'm so lucky that he still thinks I'm cool and doesn't understand why he can't marry me.

See? Same guy. Just a little older and now he can read and tie his shoes.

But man, I do miss those big chubby cheeks something fierce.


Homeland Security



Wordless Wednesday

Home Alone


Last Saturday marked a big day in the lives of Becky and Ben.

It was the first time I left my boy alone.

As his 8th birthday was approaching, I was talking to some other mom friends about when they first left their kids home by themselves. They all agreed that 8 was a fine age to just run to the grocery store or to pick up their other child and confirmed that they had all done it once or twice in the past.

I, however, was apprehensive as I didn't think neither Ben nor I were ready for this. No peer pressure for THIS girl anymore. See Mom? I have evolved.

The subject was broached a couple times to Ben before this monumental day. Being my son and therefore being wickedly smart and responsible (ha!) he said "Maybe when I'm like 9 or 10."
"Good idea!" I agreed hastily.

Then Saturday morning happened. I needed desperately to run to the grocery store to pick up a couple things for a "end of the soccer year" picnic.

"Hey Ben, we have to go to the grocery store. Ok?"

I'm pretty certain I didn't ask him if he wanted to be abducted by aliens, renamed "Montdo" and taken to another galaxy far far away. But if I did ask that question, I'm sure I would have gotten the same look.

"Ok, here's an idea. What if I go by myself?"
"Yeah. I think that would be ok. Don't you? I'm just going to the one down the street. I will be gone 20 minutes at the most."
"Or you can come with me. But I have to go now."
"Ah... ok! You can just go. Just um, lock the door."

So I took a deep breath, said some hail Mary's (again GREAT Jew huh?) wrote down my cell phone number, Grandma and Grandpa's number, told him not to answer the phone or the door and gave him a kiss.

And then I ran.

Folks, I don't run. This body doesn't run. But it did that day. To him I was all cool and calm. But on the very short drive to the store I was nauseous and dizzy. "OH. MY. GOD! I LEFT MY BABY AT HOME. ALONE! What the f*ck was I thinking?! OH MY GOD!!!!"

I honestly don't remember the time IN the grocery store since I was moving at warp speed. Flying up and down the aisles like the Tasmanian Devil, whipping things off the shelves and into my cart. And of course I got only half what I needed... the other half, no clue what I was thinking. I ended up with some limeade (what? ewww!) chili in a can (meant to get refried beans) and Ranch dressing seasoning? Huh? When have I ever made Ranch dressing from scratch? I don't even like Ranch dressing that much.

When I made it home after only 22 minutes of being gone, all was fine. Ben was cool as a cucumber and I don't think he even moved from his spot on the couch.
"Hey mom."
I was sweating and panting and trying to be cool too. "Oh hey." puff puff "How did you do?" Pant pant, struggle for breath.
"Great. Hey did you get more milk? I'm thirsty!"

Shoot. Milk.

I don't think this is going to be a common occurrence and not just because I can't afford to buy the wrong food all the time, but it is nice to know I can make the occasional quick trip out if I need to.
Although in preparation for my next Grocery Store Mad Dash, I should probably hit the gym a little more.

I'm Pretty Sure This Is How Tiger Woods Was Raised


On Father's Day, Ben and I went over to my parents for a good old fashioned cook out. Beer brats, corn on the cob, potato salad, watermelon and ice cream.

Afterwards my mom and I were in such a food coma we actually sat in the living room with the old man to watch golf. Yes. You read that correctly. My mother and I watched golf. Bless my dad's heart as he tried to make it as exciting as possible for us. Little did he know we could have watched The Paint Is Drying channel and been happy campers. A food coma and vowing to never eat anything again for the rest of your life will render you helpless and at the mercy of such boring things as golf.

At one point, I sort of came to, and mumbled, "Wow. Mom. We are watching golf! It must be Father's Day."

Ben chimed in and said "I have watched golf before."
I said "Oh really honey? With Grandpa sometime huh?"

"Yeah. And then one time at home when there was nothing else on TV and you were taking a nap."
Oh. Yes. Ha ha. One of those days.

I'm anxiously waiting by the phone for Parents magazine to call and ask me to do a never ending series on parenting. The classy way.

Happy Dad's Day


Happy Father's Day to the best dad on the planet...

and to the rest of you fathers out there who might be a close runner up. Sorry but this guy wins, hands down.

Thank you Dad for reading "Winnie the Pooh" to me with voices, making your lap my favorite place on earth, teaching me how to drive while not yelling at me when I missed the driveway and drove up on the grass, for teaching me how to throw a ball not like a girl, and for just being there so Ben always has someone to make a Father's Day Card for.

We love you.

It's Raining Cats and Dogs and Birds and Zebras and...


Here in Wisconsin we have been a little water logged as of late.I'm sure the people who's home was washed away by Lake Delton don't appreciate my light tone on this subject. .But I'm just blown away, again no pun intended to anyone who was caught in the recent tornadoes, by this weather.Yesterday at work we got emails like this:The hospital is under a tornado warning. Please move to your tornado safe space. Right now the warning is scheduled to end at 3:45 PM.To be honest I just said "huh, weird..." and kept on working. Until a woman came into my office and said "I'm sorry Becky, but you have a window so we need you to leave your office." Yeah. That is not OK. Granted no one was very scared, as we have all grown up with tornado threats and severe thunderstorms. But I have to say I have never been escorted out of my office for fear of me getting sucked out the window by whirling wind. As we were walking out she said "I know this is annoying. I have a ton of work to do too. " and I said "Well, thanks for saving my life."At 5:15 we got another email saying there was another tornado warning and to seek shelter. I didn't get that one until this morning because I was out of the office on the way to pick up Ben. Nothing says "FUN!" or "Please insert large quantities of wine in me" like driving through tornado sirens and a downpour.In all seriousness, this early summer season has been terrible for our community and surrounding areas. Homes have been washed away, major interstates closed, eight tornadoes touched down yesterday alone and even whole towns and streets flooded.I guess it could be worse. We could be in Siberia, er I mean Seattle where it's 48 degrees in June.I will do everyone a favor and NOT write a letter to summer as that just seems to make the seasons around here more furious and not better. So instead, if you know a place that could use a little rain, let me know and I'll get out my airport traffic controller wands (yes, I have some. So?) and point the rain in their direction."This way... oop sorry not here... that way... go that way. Go THAT way. Buh bye now..."Next week is supposed to be dry and sunny. I'll keep my fingers crossed.[...]

Perhaps The "Where Do Babies Come From" Conversation Would Be Easier


Ben: Mom?

me: Yep?

Ben: So someone made up the story about the Tooth Fairy. That's obvious.

Oh god no. Please don't let this be "is the big jolly old guy in the red suit real" conversation!

Ben: So... maybe someone just made up Santa too.

me: Hey do you want hot lunch tomorrow or do you want me to make you a lunch?

Ben: I mean no one has really SEEN Santa, right Mom?

me: We have fresh strawberries I could put in your lunch.

Ben: Mom! Are you even listening?

Listening but trying very hard to avoid and change this subject. Must get train off track...

me: Ok well someone had to have seen him in order to tell the story and pass it down from generation to generation. Right?

Ben: Who did? Who saw him?

What in the hell is a nice Jewish girl like me doing defending Chris Kringle to an 8 year old!? How did I get here?

me: Ooh how about some dessert!

Ben: OK but Mom?

me: Yeah?

Ben: Maybe Santa isn't real.

You know what? NO! Thanks to my laziness he already lost the Tooth Fairy, he just turned 8, he's going into 3rd grade. No! I get to keep this a little longer.

me: Well honey, I choose to believe in Santa. Because, I just want to.


Ben: Yeah. Me too! I believe! And Mom?

me: Yeah?

Ben: I'll have ice cream.

Whew! Thanks to me, Santa, you are safe again. You owe me fat man! The ring size is 8.

What Would I Do For A Klondike Bar?


Wordless Wednesday

I'm A Sucker For Flowers!


The worst thing about a garage sale is the aftermath. All the crap that didn't sell now has to go somewhere. Emily wanted me to come over yesterday to get the stuff I wanted before it all went to Goodwill later this week. But I was feeling lazy and didn't wanna (insert whine here).
I tried to procrastinate for another day this week. But then she threw out the "Ok, but we cut some fresh peonies for you tonight! You’ll miss out! They are gorgeous and smell heavenly!"
Yep! That was all it took. "Ooh in that case, I'll be over right after I get Ben!"

So I picked up a few things, she made me dinner and then gave me these amazing flowers.

(image) Yes. My friends spoil me rotten. I'm a very lucky girl.
I didn't pick up EVERYTHING because I'm crafty that way and am waiting for her peony bush to bloom again so I can get another treat just for dealing with my crap.


And trust me, they smell even better than they look!

Thank you Emily! This is how Monday's should always be!

Single In The City


People often ask me if I'm dating anyone. Or why I'm still single. And my response is always "Nope. Not dating anyone... just haven't found him yet..."

As much as I love Madison, sadly, it does not contain the greatest pool of eligible, cute, single SMART guys.
When I do find a great one, all of the single female population in Madison is clamoring for the same guy so odds are, my chances aren't that great.

More often than not I get responses to my personal ad from guys who are probably just the sweetest things and will make some girl very happy. But that girl isn't me.

We all know now about my current pet peeve in regards to grammar and basics of the English language. So when I see fellas that can't even get the spelling right in their headlines, it's pretty much a quick "no."

Therefore when I got this email yesterday, I first shook my head in utter confusion and then laughed. Then I cried, rocked in the fetal position as I sucked my thumb and looked for jobs and apartments in Chicago.

"Hi Becky I like to get to know about you .. I am very simple guy noting special working hard to have best things in life filling alonley some times because I like to have social friends spend quality time and have fun.. I have 9 years old wonderful kids ,I spend most time with her swimming actiwitiy , lots a fun so not much . rest work,work is keine boring some times . I like to know what you like to do? Talk to soon ...M"

If anyone can decipher what he is saying, I'll give you a cookie. A REALLY BIG COOKIE!
I'm truly hoping English isn't his first language. Needless to say we won't be "Talk to soon"

When Charlotte in Sex and the City said "Where is he!? I have been waiting for 15 years!! I'm TIRED already." I feel her pain.

I write this blog so that when people ask me "Why is such a great gal like you single?" I can refer them to this post and say "THIS is why people. THIS. IS. WHY."

"I'm Asking You To Believe..."


From CNN's Quick Vote on June 5th 2008

Which presumptive nominee will win the presidency in November?
Sen. John McCain 40% 62847
Sen. Barack Obama 60% 92679

Total Votes: 155526


p.s. let this be your official warning that you will be reading a lot about my man Obama on this blog from now until November. I fell in love with him in 2004 when he spoke at the Democratic National Convention. I'll never forget, stopping in my tracks, listening to his inspiring speech and then saying out loud to myself "Oh my god! Who is this guy?" I called my mom immediately and said "Are you listening to this? He's amazing!!"

I truly believe in everything he speaks of. I honestly believe he is what this country desperately needs. He will heal us and bring this country hope and the change that we so eagerly need.
So when yesterday as my son and I were buying birthday presents for his weekend of consecutive birthday parties, I heard a stock clerk going off about how "all he does is talk about 'change'. Well WHAT change? Stop talking about the word 'change' and tell us what you want to change."
Because I still want my kid to think I'm cool for a least a couple more years, I didn't march over to him and start listing off all of Obama's great ideas and plans to fix this broken country. Nor did I yell "Go to his website you idiot!" But I really wanted to. And next time, I just might.

When Obama ran for the presidency, I was thrilled. When he recently clinched the nomination, I was over the moon. Therefore, between now and November 4th, I'm going to do all I can to make sure Senator Obama becomes the 44th President of the United States. So if that means inundating you all with images and quotes and stats, so be it. If you think I worked hard for Kerry in 2004, WATCH OUT!

You have been warned.




*the following conversations were overheard during a recent play date between Ben and his long time buddy Dhruv. Just one of the awesome things about having a loft. Sound carries but the kids can't see me.

Dhruv: Are you in love with a girl?
Ben: NO! Are you?!
Dhruv: Yes.
Ben: Well why don't you marry her?
Dhruv: Because she doesn't really like me.

Ben: Do you believe in the tooth fairy?
Dhruv: No!
Ben: (very excited) Me neither! My mom told me it wasn't real when I lost my last tooth.
Dhruv: Well one time, when we were in India, I lost a tooth and I waited up all night for the tooth fairy. And then my mom came in and put a dollar under my pillow. That's how I knew.

Ben: I got two weapons and I ain't afraid to use either one of them. But this one is broke. (laughs)
Dhruv: How do you use this?
Ben: That's a good question. It needs arrows but ah, I don't know where they are. I'm going to shoot at the target.
Dhruv: What are targets?
Ben: Things you shoot at. Duh!
Dhruv: I thought targets were just stores.
Ben: I'm going to shoot the balloon.
me: NO! Ben! Stop shooting things. Hey guys why don't you watch Ben's new Harry Potter movie?
Dhruv: No, I do not like Harry Potter.
Ben: Too bad so sad Mom.
It was then that I realized I need to get off my butt and take these Wild Things outside. I'm pretty sure I heard the plants breathe a sigh of relief as the door closed behind us.

Yes We Can!




Wordless Wednesday

You Give Grammar a Bad Name


Like many, I have quite a few pet peeves. One of my biggest pet peeves however, is when people can't get our language correct. Feel free to call me The Grammar Police.

Now if English is your second or third language, I'll cut you some slack. However if you were born and raised speaking The English, and you graduated from high school that has certified teachers with all their teeth, aren't married to their siblings and don't respond to the name "Billy Bob", you have no excuse.

The thing that drives me the most crazy is when people can't get even the simple stuff right. It's not "She did that two?" it's "She did that too?"
Others that drive me batty are the differences between "your" and "you're" or "there" and "their" or "where" and "wear" etc.
I don't expect everyone to be great writers but you should know the basics about the English language, right?

Sometimes, there are people that are SO out of touch it makes me physically cringe.

I once had an employee that would type "our" instead of "or" Yes. This is true. Please take a moment to cringe. Let it all soak in. I understand.

Then there was this one time at band camp where I dated a guy named Dave. Wait. "Dated" is way too serious of a term for what we were. I was communicating with a guy named Dave.
And it wasn't at band camp. I have just always wanted to say that.

Dave and I met online. (My favorite place to meet the best of the best men. But that's a post for another time.) And this guy was no exception. His sentences, if you could call them that, in his emails or instant messages would often be so confusing and make absolutely NO sense that I had zero hope to figure out what this poor sap was trying to say. So I would have no choice but to send back a simple, "Huh?"

Sadly I haven't kept any of his emails so I don't have concrete examples for you. Because I'm so dedicated to this blog, I was tempted to get back in touch with him just so I could give my readers a taste of this madness he called "written communication". But then I thought about it for more than two minutes and decided I don't like you guys THAT much. Sorry.

Anyway, because I couldn't keep this marvel to myself (I'm anything but selfish), I would forward these grammatical wonders to my girlfriend Shelly. She too was impressed with his sheer lack of anything close to remedial writing skills. It both amazed and terrified us at the same time.

Unfortunately, Dave and I didn't work out but his legacy lives on.

To this day, if one of us messes up an email, that person gets called "Dave". And it's not a compliment.

Example from just the other day:

Shelly: You Dave’d it! “when you are D are just going”
Becky:Wow! My Dave made absolutely no sense.


Shelly: Yeah, typically not a work though.
Becky: typically not AT work? Dave?
Shelly: Hi! Dave here. I’m back.


Shelly: Thing of how socially inept they are.
Becky: Dave!
Shelly: Crap! I thought he took the week off.

The morale of this story is that if Ben ever threatens not to do his English homework, I'll recite to him this little tale and proceed to tell him he never wants his name to be synonymous with a negative verb or noun. Depending on the sentence.

How Much Will You Pay For This Post?


Sorry I was gone for so long. I was stuck in Garage Sale Land. It is a land, far far away, where you sell all your crap to strangers. It is a land where these strangers either love your junk, reject it with laughter or don't even see it. It is also a land where you spend day after day working on this sale just to realize at the end, you have 3/4 of your crap leftover.Nothing makes me happier than selling the basically brand new Old Navy shorts that I bought in every color for my son just last summer to which I then turn around and sell them this spring for a dollar. Oh no, not a dollar each. ALL FOR A DOLLAR. Nope. Not nauseous. Not me. My mother is reading this right now and saying out loud to her computer screen "Oh come on Becky! You love those damn sales!"OK fine. This is true. As a little girl, I would use EVERY chance to sell something. Anything! When my parents didn't want to deal with the pain of a lemonade stand, I would sell autumn leaves that fell on the ground. I would just put them in my wagon and sit on the corner and sell leaves. That didn't work so well, so once I just sold water. Water from the tap. Donald Trump, move over.This was also the girl who when I was a girl scout I would love selling those cookies door to door. they actually GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO SELL! Hell yeah!So, in reality, a garage sale isn't much different. I still get a little high when someone comes at me holding Aunt Margie's quilted Christmas wreath with their sweaty little two dollars in their hands.The thing that really kills me about garage sales is that people actually lose their minds. Buyers and sellers alike.In the buyer's mind, EVERYTHING is for sale. I'm actually surprised no one came over to me and asked how much my earrings were, that were ON MY EARS. We had a lady set her purse down to go look at a lawn mower, when another lady came up and started going through her purse! I had to say "Ma'am. Um, MA'AM! That is actually someones PURSE. WHO IS HERE! It's not for sale."Or when Ben was eating lunch in the garage (don't worry, he didn't have a price tag on him) and this woman came up to his bowl THAT STILL HAD PEARS IN IT and asked if the bowl was plastic or porcelain. "Um, that's my son's lunch bowl. It's ah, not for sale." She was embarrassed because she didn't even see the kid, just the STUFF! Thank god she didn't see him, she might have started to barter on how much I would take for the kid with the messy face. "Well he also does have Kool-aid all over his shirt..."At one point I saw my friend and partner in crime, Emily, come out of her house with a lady carrying a TV stand and an end table. I thought "Huh where did Emily have those set aside?" When I went inside later to go to the bathroom I saw that her TV was on the floor, along with all her stuff that was on the end table that was now in some lady's car. I came back out and said "Emily! Didn't you need that stuff?" She said almost in a daze "Dude! I got $40 for the set!!"My mom tells a story about neighbors across the street who were having a garage sale one summer and got such bad garage sale fever that they ran into their house took down their shower curtain and hauled out their living room furniture onto the lawn. After the sale they had to run out and buy all new items.But my true favorite of the weekend was the lady who was trying to barter with me on a sweater that was already just one dollar. She had two items in her hands. Both were $1. She said "I give you $1.50." I lau[...]

A Letter To Lego


Dear Lego Star Wars,
Hi. How's it going?
First I would like to congratulate you on your super cool toys. Really. Well done. My kid and many of his other 8 year old friends - well it's like crack to them. I'm not sure how you do it because looking at those Super Death Star Anakin Trooper Rogue Shadow ships does nothing for me. But you get my kid in front of that aisle at Toys R Us and it's all "OH MY GOD MOM LOOK AT THAT! SWEEEEEEET!" Ah what? I didn't hear you because the pretty Barbie an aisle over just winked at me. I think she wants me to come look at her new shoes.

And LSW, can I ask? Do you have kids? I'm guessing not. Otherwise you wouldn't make these super sweet concoctions with 1,500 itsy bitsy teeny weeny pieces. Because dear LSW, THIS is what happens when said 8 year old boy opens up this SWEEEEEEEET birthday gift.


No, this isn't in the safety of his bedroom. This is in the living. Right in the middle of the living room. Fun right?
Ever had one of those pieces lodged between your pinkie and 4th toe? So. Much. Fun!
Ever step on one of these suckers in the middle of the night but you can't scream to the high heavens because you don't want wake your kid, so you mutter every obsencity you have ever heard in a whisper? Good times there!

Also when my child, after hours of trying to build this ship himself, finally looks at me with desperation and says "Mom, can you help?" I look at him as if he has just spoken Cantonese and say with a blank stare, "Ah, I can help by making you a snack!"

You see, I don't DO Lego Star Wars. I do Barbie's hair, and I can dress up a Build A Bear with the greatest of ease. If you need someone to set up your Webkinz animal online, I'm your girl.
But putting together the Battle Trooper Clone Wing Fighter Darth Vadar Ship... nope. Not me.


So dear Lego Star Wars, again super cool toy but could you either start making them with just 3 huge pieces or at least have it come with an instant Geek Guy that can sit with my son for hours and help with him this super cool gift. Oh and if he was cute, single and a Democrat that would be SWEEEEEET!


I'll Be Sending My Podiatrist Bill To You


The Face Of An Eight Year Old


Wordless Wednesday