Comments on Dr. Deb: The Curse of Ambivalence

Gee, and I thought my ambivalent tendencies was si...

2008-02-17T22:45:00.000-05:00

Gee, and I thought my ambivalent tendencies was simply because I'm a Libran. (grin)

I have a friend who changes her mind about everyth...

2008-02-11T05:32:00.000-05:00

I have a friend who changes her mind about everything. From T.V. shows, where she wants to move, people. She likes something/some one 1 week, don't like them the next. Back and forward. It makes it difficult to know her. She is in therapy. I have been trying to find the name for what she has. Thanks to you I now know it is "emotional ambivalence".

That's scary Deb, because I never though ambivalen...

2008-02-10T15:13:00.000-05:00

That's scary Deb, because I never though ambivalence was a negative trait. I thrive in ambivalence; i fcat that lends me equanimity in the tumultous situations. Why is that now a 'dirty word'?

Traci,Like mentioned above, ambivalence is part of...

2008-02-10T11:23:00.000-05:00

Traci,
Like mentioned above, ambivalence is part of the decision making process, but too much of it can be an unhealthy thing.

Dear Wendy,
LOL!

Dear Marj,
For a child, it is so hard to move through abuse without the defense of splitting. In fact, it is considered adaptive for a time. You make a very important point here. Hopefully as the child emerges into an adult, he/she can learn how to split less and integrate more.

Dear Intelligent,
Wit and puns always welcome even if repeated!

~Deb

Cut that out Wendy! You stole my line girl!

2008-02-09T00:04:00.000-05:00

Cut that out Wendy! You stole my line girl!

I can say, first hand, that ambivalent thinking le...

2008-02-08T15:01:00.000-05:00

I can say, first hand, that ambivalent thinking leads to splitting.

I have to say, however, that a child who is abused by his own parents is certainly set up for this. How else would a child react, other than love/hate, approach/avoidance, when the very one who the child depends on for survival is the one who is torturing, abusing, molesting the child?

I don't know how I feel about that...:-)

2008-02-07T22:56:00.000-05:00

I don't know how I feel about that...

:-)

Hmmm, do I comment, or not? heeheeAs usual, inform...

2008-02-07T09:42:00.000-05:00

Hmmm, do I comment, or not? heehee

As usual, informative. I never really thought of ambivalence like OCD before. This will be on my mind today as I feel ambilavent about alot of things alot of the time.

Dear HP,I couldn't agree with you more, my friend....

2008-02-07T09:03:00.000-05:00

Dear HP,
I couldn't agree with you more, my friend.

Dear Raine,
Another comment that is brilliant!

Dear S'Onnie,
Your comment is exactly what I am posting about....when someone is so often stuck that it can bring YOU down. You sound really smart about it.

Dear Mel,
If ambivalence is so ingrained in a person, it can be hard to live with.

Dear United,
Yes, ambivalence can lead to apathy very easily.

Dear FAllen,
Of course. Not making a decision is a way of coping. Auburn maybe one day, lol ;)

Dear Ian,
Libra - the scales that sway.

Dear Tiptoe,
Indeciveness is part of ambivalence and vice versa. There are those who really struggle with it so much that it rules their lives. But there are things one can learn to combat it. You will be triumphant soon. It takes time and lotsa practice to get the new kind of thinking patterns going.

Dear Palmtree,
:)

Dear Psychperson,
Right you are!

Dear BB,
As with everything in life, balance is key. I so agree with you.

Dear Kawana,
Thanks.

Dear Ms. L,
The holding pattern can be so tough sometimes.

dear Sid,
Splitting is the viewing of something all good or all bad. And ambivalence is the circling of indeciveness. They are similar, but I suspect splitting is the harder of the two.

Dear Dr. G.,
I have often seen people struggle with ambivalence for months and years at a time. Therapy could help if they gave it a go.

Dear Ellesu,
Yup, holding patterns are tough.

Dear Intelligent,
I think your comment is both witty and spot-on, so no worries here.

Dear Heiress,
I have to keep a distance from friends and family who get stuck as well. It's hard because you want to help, but it can zap you of your own well being.

Dear Deb,
Hey namesake pal. Gotta get to visit you soon.

Dear Therapydoc,
I like using the website tools to add an additional visual aspect. Thanks.

~Deb

Fabulous. You put together the doormat thing AND ...

2008-02-07T00:54:00.000-05:00

Fabulous. You put together the doormat thing AND the ambivalence thing. Hats off.

Another excellent post. I think we all know someo...

2008-02-07T00:34:00.000-05:00

Another excellent post. I think we all know someone who fits into this category. This is a post that makes one think.

Congrats on your award!

i have a friend who fits this category and sometim...

2008-02-06T22:00:00.000-05:00

i have a friend who fits this category and sometimes i do have to back up a bit. she is under a dr's care though.

I want to comment...*back space back space*No.. M...

2008-02-06T15:57:00.000-05:00

I want to comment...

*back space back space*

No.. Maybe I shouldn't.

Wait, what do you think if I comment?

What if my comments affect other people?

*backspace backspace, filter*

Okay... I'm sorry I shouldn't poke fun. It's just too fun not to. :D

Oh, I so get this post, Deb. Thanks!"keeps you in...

2008-02-06T10:36:00.000-05:00

Oh, I so get this post, Deb. Thanks!

"keeps you in a holding pattern"
"never moving on"

Yes, I get this.

You definitely hit the nail on the head with this ...

2008-02-06T08:53:00.000-05:00

You definitely hit the nail on the head with this one. We all have these feelings at times but it's when they interfere with life that there's a problem. The chronicity issue is very interesting. I don't think enough people think in those terms.

Dr. G

I'm wondering which is worse, ambivalence or split...

2008-02-06T00:45:00.000-05:00

I'm wondering which is worse, ambivalence or splitting. I know neither is good, but is there a lesser of two evils in this instance? Just curious.

Ohh wow,there's a name for that state. Thank you f...

2008-02-05T17:36:00.000-05:00

Ohh wow,there's a name for that state. Thank you for this post Deb,I have a feeling this will be really helpful in the future.It's neat to see it written and explained so thoughtfully!
I've felt some ambivalence with situations and people and it's awful when you get stuck in that
holding pattern.
I've learned for myself that the right answer (if you can call it that) will come if you let it. You've just got to be quiet,calm and wait for it. Of course I never remember this until I've driven myself into a frenzy;p

gcVery informative Gurl ;-)

2008-02-05T17:35:00.000-05:00

gcVery informative Gurl ;-)

I think everyone suffers form ambivalence from tim...

2008-02-05T16:30:00.000-05:00

I think everyone suffers form ambivalence from time to time. Sometimes it can probably be good making you hold back, instead of going ahead impulsively. But like all things too much is like not enough and will stall you in your tracks.If so it is time to get some help. Good post.

Congrats on the "E"...good job!Ambivalence can com...

2008-02-05T14:50:00.000-05:00

Congrats on the "E"...good job!

Ambivalence can come in handy sometimes, but not if you stay there for very long. Sometimes it indicates to me that I need to think further about something before acting.

Ugh, that's an understatement Dr. Deb!

2008-02-05T14:41:00.000-05:00

Ugh, that's an understatement Dr. Deb!

Congrats on the award!I definitely struggle with a...

2008-02-05T13:24:00.000-05:00

Congrats on the award!

I definitely struggle with ambivalence and indecisiveness. Much times, I end up making no decision which is in and of itself a decision. To me though, it doesn't feel like the right one. Make sense? So then, my mind just goes in circles, analyzing everything. Then that just keeps me in this perpetual "stuckness" state. Unfortunately, I've been in therapy but yet cease to completely turn myself around. Sigh. Maybe one day.

I was once married to a Libra. She invented ambiva...

2008-02-05T11:07:00.000-05:00

I was once married to a Libra. She invented ambivalence. In her thirst to be always fair, she ended up being unfair to virtually everybody.
Good thoughts on this, Dr. Deb.
Oh, and an 'ambivalence' is an emergency vehicle in which the EMTs don't give a damn about picking you up.

Could ambivalence towards a person be a coping ski...

2008-02-05T08:48:00.000-05:00

Could ambivalence towards a person be a coping skill in early life? That's the question that came to mind when I read this post. I have heard of people who have a situation where they had a good parent and a bad parent...in the same person. Ambivalence sounds like a logical way to deal with such a situation. In my case, splitting happened so it wasn't until very recently that I recognized ambivalence in myself, as more awareness of "the others" has happened.

I think you could pull-off auburn very well! You should try it...you can always go back very easily! :D

Ambivilance is a huge problem in my line of work. ...

2008-02-05T07:02:00.000-05:00

Ambivilance is a huge problem in my line of work. Stress is overwhelming at times, and when teachers just can't take it anymore, they decide they just don't care.

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