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I share my blog for everyone. For those who also suffer from Abuse/Incest. I hope that by writing my feelings, my poetry on my abuse as a child, will help and encourage you and to let you know that YOU ARE NEVER TO BLAME FOR WHAT HAPPENED..We were inno



Updated: 2018-03-06T08:15:41.037-05:00

 



SOAR WITH POSITIVITY

2016-12-01T15:01:14.934-05:00

How often do we feel negatives more than positives within our lives?  Too often!!! I can honestly say for myself that l was always negative.  Never thinking I could achieve what I wanted to do.  So many years past by, stuck, feeling down.  Changes can happen.  Through much therapy, help with my depression, I learned how to be more positive in my life decisions.  
We can only do this..no one can make us change, they CAN give us the tools to help us achieve what we want out of life, but it is up to each of us to really want it.  The past is the past, don’t look back, look forward. Look at what you can do, what you want to do.The years fly by, and if you stay stuck in the negative, you will never know what you can and can’t do.  Don’t let others keep you down.  Believe in yourself, you CAN do anything you set your mind to.  Believe in the power of POSITIVITY!!!  mg..©2016



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2016-06-21T21:47:47.572-04:00

NightmaresBy Mary E Graziano on Saturday, December 15, 2012 at 6:15pmNIGHTMARESAs survivors of childhood abuse, we often think that we are now free from our nightmares.  How so very wrong this is.  WE can go along for a long time and think that we are "nightmare  free", then all of a sudden, we go to bed, fall asleep and it starts  all over again.  It feels so wrong, so crippling.  We are caught by the demons of the night.  Abusing us all over again, we can't struggle to free ourselves, we are in it for the duration of the horrible nightmare, we can't escape, the demons have won.     These nightmares are so very real, grabbing hold of our very being our very soul, reliving the past, the abuser again sabotaged our lives.  When we awake, we are frightened, we are feeling trapped again crying out for help, to be rid of the demons that destroyed us once before and are now trying to destroy us again,little by little, piece by piece.     I had these nightmares two nights in a row.  Last night I chose to stay awake because I was afraid of the consequences of what might happen.  I didn't want to face the demons of the night again and couldn't let them win again.       Why do we let them control us?  Even in our sleep?  We need to take a deep look inside ourselves, and help ourselves to realize that "it's just a nightmare, it can't hurt us."  Oh how many times I have said that to a victim and survivor.  We can't let the demons control our lives day in and day out.     Looking deep into myself, I need to tell myself I am not that little girl any more, he can't control me now.  That little girl is all grown up.  Tell my inner child that we are now one, that together we are stronger than the demons, that we have the say as to who controls our body, our mind.  It is up to us.  By doing this we can become strong, we will see that the demons can't hurt us any more.  I was devastated that I had these nightmares.  I didn't think as a survivor that I would have these nightmares again and again, that they were gone never to return.       Even as a survivor we are still healing, still climbing to the top of that mountain.  We will struggle with different aspects of our abuse, but we have the control now, not the demons that try and overtake our nights.  I realize now how wrong I  was, to put myself down, that I wasn't strong enough to face these nightmares, but I am strong enough, I have the control, just didn't see it.  At the time my inner self and I are one.  Together we can stand tall, we have the control.written by Mary GrazianoSept. 2012[...]



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2016-06-07T22:48:18.571-04:00

I wrote this when I was in the first stages of my healing journey many years ago on my here on my blog but I am now healed, and post this for those in their healing journey in hopes it helps them.  The MirrorThe mirror is my enemy when I look inside I see,a little girl who is so losttears well up in me.She looks so frightened, so very sad,I can’t reach out or touch.It’s just too hard to look at her,the memories are just too much!!I know she needs my guidance,she reminds me of all my fears.Hate I see, inside her eyesshe sheds so many tears!!I walk away. I leave her,can’t bear to see her cry.I try so hard to block it out,There's just too many tears to dry.As I turn, I look back into the mirrormy adult self I see.So many thoughts remembered,Oh, how they envelop me!!If I could smash that mirror,that little girl, would disappear.But then she would be trapped inside. Lost for eternity.  I turn around to look at her  my little self how sadness prevails,  I can't leave her fears locked up inside. Can't bear it, she looks so frail!!Prose by Mary Graziano© Revised June 7, 2016[...]



YOU CAN BECOME A SURVIVOR

2016-04-04T14:11:26.852-04:00

YOU CAN BECOME A SURVIVOR!!April 4, 2016 Mary Encouragement for Survivors of Abuse, Uncategorized     Many of us have come a long way in our healing journey.  It has been a difficult rough road, with many twists and turns.  We persevered. Pushed through the debris, per say. Had many setbacks along the way.  In the beginning, we never thought we could make it. Thought of giving up. Why? Because if was easier to give up than pursue what was waiting for us at the end of the rainbow.  We cried, were depressed.  So many things filled our heads.  Questioning our own inner self. Self doubts, hating who we were. Telling ourselves we deserved what happened.  We must have asked for it or was a horrible child.  Feeling worthless inside ourselves. We held our secret in a vault deep inside our being. So no-one would ever find out our “dark secret.”  Maybe your abuser told you if you told he would hurt you even worse. He/she would kill everyone in the family.  By saying that, he/she knew you would keep the secret.  As a small child, you were scared, so scared. You kept quiet.A small child. We were.  Alone. No-one to turn to. Feeling dirty.  Ashamed. This very secret burning in the bit of our stomach.  Everyday, we were left wondering when he/she would strike again.  When the hitting would start!! When the sexual abuse would begin, hurting us so badly.  Not understanding what was happening.  So many nights our pillows stained. Tears spewing down our faces. Knowing any moment that door would slowly open, the haunting figure of a monster would stand in the doorway.  For me, that was my fear.  I would pretend to sleep, covers pulled up close to me, hanging on to them for dear life.  Did that stop him?  No, he was strong, large hands, pulling the sheets down, reaching for me……So many of us have faced the same thing. We were not bad.  We were children.  Innocent. Wishing our lives were different.  To be happy, well adjusted. That was not our destiny.  For some reason, we had to live through a life of horror.  Our world belonged to our abuser.  Not able to fight back. We dissociated, thinking of a happy place, where we were free, laughing, playing, Parents who loved us unconditionally.  We were crushed.  Beyond hope.  For those who believe. Praying to Our Creator. To release us from the bonds of abuse.  I know I prayed many times.  Never heard from God. As I got older I lost my faith and believed I must have deserved it, that our Creator abandoned me.     As we grew into adults, we led our lives.  Some may have taken the low road, drinking, becoming promiscuous, taking drugs etc.  Others, like myself held it deep inside.  Letting it fester like a volcano ready to explode at any time..And it did.  I finally had to let it out. That was the beginning of my healing.  I realized, I wasn’t a bad person.  I never deserved it, none of it from either parent.  The sexual abuse was not my fault. I am a good person. These are the words that help us heal.  Our abuser has no control over us any longer. We can say NO to abuse!!!  Therapy a God send.  You need to find a therapist that is right for you.  It may take many attempts to finding the one who understands what you have/are going through.  Never give up, keep searching.  Interview them.  There is one out there just right for you.  There are many different types of therapy. The 12 Step Program, has helped so many survivors.  I wish I had known about that 20 years ago, but…..     I was lucky to have a wonderful therapist named Cheryl, who understood all I went through.  I was with her for 17 years.  The day I went in for my appointment, she said to me, “I don’t t[...]



A Broken Child!!!

2016-01-20T19:57:41.856-05:00





ONE SMALL CHILD

2016-04-04T14:18:05.969-04:00

Mary GrazianosharedMichal Madison Art's photo.Published by Mary E Graziano · November 20 at 9:00pm · ONE SMALL CHILDImportant I am.In this sweet child’s life.Watching her grow. Moving forward.Absorbing positives.Flowing her way.Encouraging words.Helping to mold her life.To expand horizons.Build confidence.Unleashing potential.To help growth.Letting her know.Her life has meaning.Purpose. To follow.Every dream imaginable.Able am I.To share such joy.When that one day.Truly comes.A child thrives.By profound influences.Given them.No put downs.No judgement.Only kindness.Encouragement.Helping to wipe a tear.To be assuring.Loving. Caring. Proud.My heart warms.Seeing herEyes of emerald green.Emanate with Love.Trust. Faith.My actions.My words.Important.In the eyes.Of one.Small child.Prose by Mary Graziano©2015Revised November 20, 2015Beautiful watercolour paintingTitle “One Small Child”By my wonderful, artistic friendMichal Madison©2015www.MichalMadisonArt.comMichal Madison ArtApril 29 · Edited · "A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove... but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child."Forest E. Witcraft"One Small Child"watercolor by Michal Madison ©2015www.MichalMadisonArt.comThank you for sharing!~mm[...]



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2015-10-27T20:51:54.703-04:00





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2015-10-27T20:50:26.186-04:00





LIFE IS LIKE A ROLLER COASTER

2015-10-03T18:05:55.018-04:00





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2015-07-19T22:54:50.241-04:00


Forgiveness: Do you really have to forgive?  It's an individual choice

Tuesday of this week I was dropping my daughter and her family off at the "Go Station." On the way back I had to pass by the cemetery where my mother is buried at her mother and father's grave site. I haven't been there for a long time and wasn't planning on making a stop. As I was approaching the cemetery, I heard a voice inside me saying "Go in." I thought no, I don't want to go in, and was going to keep going.  Again, I heard "Go in."  With a deep sigh, I thought "fine" and drove into the cemetery.  I couldn't find the plot the first time, and thought "oh well" and was going to drive out and go home. Well that wasn't happening.  Again I heard a voice say, "turn around" I turned my car around and drove down the road, and there was the plot.  I sat in my car for a while, thinking, and looking at the headstone on my Grandma's grave.  I thought, "well I'll go talk to my grandma, she always makes me feel good."  
My grandma loved me and I love her so much and still miss her to this day. She has been gone now about 40 years.  She was the one who always hugged me, would tell me she loved me.  Really cared. How I wished I heard those words from my mother.
I started clearing away the weeds which weren't too bad, and talking to my grandma, telling her how much I missed her and would be back to clean the angel on her headstone.  I went to my mother's marker cleared away some of the dirt that hid the cross and said to her, "if only you knew what dad and your cousin did to me.  Why couldn't you ever tell me you loved me? Why did you only yell, hit, curse at me. I didn't do anything bad to you but you chose not to show your good feelings to me."  I started to cry, and at that moment forgave my mother for all the things she did to me and didn't do for me.  It even shocked me to say out loud the words, "Mom I forgive you."  I had never wanted to forgive her.  I was able to move forward in my healing journey, became a survivor/thriver, and lived my life my way with the support of my husband and family.  Forgiving was never in the equation.
When I returned to the car, I sat and thought, "Our Creator wanted me to come in here, his voice was the voice I heard.  It may sound crazy, but I truly believe this to be the case.  I had no desire to go into the cemetery that day, but our Creator had other plans for me.  I never felt any incredible joy or feel a weight lifted, by forgiving her, but in a sense I feel that by forgiving my heart feels compassion for her. Something I never felt before.  
God does work in ways we may not understand at times.  Now whether I forgive my dad and mother's cousin, I don't know. If it is to be then it will happen otherwise, I can move forward, help others by writing my blog posts, writing my prose, hoping someone will feel better and understand themselves a little ore by what I write and that they can move forward and can heal from abuse.  
Mary Graziano 
copyrighted 2015




Global Pop Up Art Project 3

2015-04-25T21:02:32.605-04:00

allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/0nuhYDJi76c" width="480">



To Judge a Person

2015-04-25T16:52:25.715-04:00





FIND YOUR COURAGE

2015-10-03T18:06:21.085-04:00





THE COURAGE TO SAY "I CAN"

2015-10-03T18:07:02.927-04:00





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2015-02-26T19:29:36.060-05:00

                           FIND THE STRENGTH



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2015-10-03T20:17:30.970-04:00

Mary Graziano shared Michal Madison Art

JOY UNTOUCHED BY CIRCUMSTANCES

Her spirit so captivating, drawing you in
with her brown/blackish eyes
cheeks that glow ~ beaming with so much
love, hope, warming the hearts
of many she meets
a life so simple, yet perfect to her
knowing what she feels inside herself
is what really matters ~ tattered clothes
~ unimportant
a smile glowing with contentment, unaware
how others feel ~ that her life has so many
hardships, nothing to show;  joy should
not be an option
her optimism can be felt, even under
the hardest circumstances, pulling at your
heart ~ your soul
she feels  elation no matter what
spills into her life, to her, joy prevails
over any misfortunes, her ability
to be happy ~ her choice,
it’s up to her
to create a life
where ~
“her simple joy untouched by circumstances”

Poetry by Mary Graziano ©
"Joy Untouched by Circumstances"
watercolor painting by Michal Madison
©2014 www.MichalMadisonArt.com
Vulnerable Expressions of Raw Emotion



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2015-10-03T18:27:56.910-04:00

THROWING PAINTLife is a great big canvas.Throw all your insecurities. Fears.  Hurts.Allowing all to spill out. Splashing that canvas.With your life’s puzzle pieces.Life is a book. Each chapter revealing more. Of who you are.Unlock all your self-doubts.  Release them. Don’t be afraid. Never ever. Hold back.Let all your negatives. Fill the canvas.Each erasing the other.One by one.  The puzzle pieces of your life. Will begin to fit.Joy.  Hope.  Courage.  Begin to flow.Let the colours soak in. Dry. To always be a reminder.Of all the uncertainties. That once filled every chapter. Any doubts you had.Now.  Finally.  Conquered!!You sense achievement.Hues. Now bright.Your own masterpiece.Bringing a smile. Taking away any cloudiness. That once enveloped you.Positives now surround you.Feeling more secure in yourself.The fears. Hurts. Become less.Satisfied.  You put the canvas away.But.  Leave it within your reach. For days.  When life. Needs another reminder.Prose by Mary Graziano©2014Revised October 3, 2015       © Beautiful Watercolour painting & Title“THROWING PAINT” ByMy wonderful friend Michal Madison ©www.MichalMadisonArt.comVulnerable Expression of Raw Emotions[...]



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2014-09-01T15:55:35.209-04:00

JUDGING MEMY 5 STAR REVIEWThe Honourable Mary Elizabeth Bullock, a crusader for those with disabilities, fighting for their dignity, for her own dignity. This is a memoir of one courageous, “no holds barred” woman, who fought for her life as a little girl, under the clutches of a wicked monster, and is still to this day fighting for her life.How at 6 years of age, her father tied her to a palm tree, in a snake infested swamp, why? Well that you will have to read to find out. Rising above her fate, never giving up, Mary Elizabeth embraced life, her life and all that happened. Mary released the heaviness she felt within herself, helping her to move forward, not to be defeated in any way, no matter what was thrown at her.God for a while was left out of the equation of her life, at a time when her very being seemed so challenged ~ an incomprehensible feeling flooded her mind with that one question; Why? Why me? Mary shut her mind too God ~ Mary Elizabeth always thought God was just too busy for her and thought He had given up on her. But that was farthest from the truth ~ He never gave up on her, always there talking to her ~ reaching out to her in her darkest times, but she didn't hear Him at that moment in her life.Upon waking one morning Mary’s heart felt lighter than it ever had. Reality did its check. Mary Elizabeth accepted what was put in front of her ~ Multiple Sclerosis ~ blindness ~ Systemic Lupus ~ cancer ~ and so much more ~ Whatever her fate ~ she now accepted it.Mary Elizabeth knew where her vision really lived ~ not within one’s sight ~ but within one’s mind ~ and that was okay. She did not carry a Fixed Mindset ~ but a Mindset of Growth ~ to move forward in her quest to achieve what was now and beyond her very reach.Mary Elizabeth looked for all the attributes of her father in the men she chose ~ tall dark extremely handsome ~ like out of a Danielle Steele novel ~ only to find they were the “devil in disguise” ~ she was drawn to them, as if she believed she needed to be punished for the sins of her father.Mary Elizabeth had strength of character ~ determination to work through the demons of her past ~ courage saved her from staying stuck. She had the courage to move forward one step at a time ~ taking those “baby steps” we always tell each other.Determined to thrive ~ Mary Elizabeth did just that ~ by hard work ~ by grabbing on to a strong will, that keeps you from failing or drowning in the deep abyss called ~ life.Fighting for the injustice of others, never wallowing in what was, determined to move forward, proving she could do something that would give credit to all those who suffered, to support them, show them, they too could thrive and win against the horrific life they endured. Letting them know that they are not alone, she is right there beside them, guiding each survivor along the way.There are many curves in our road towards healing. At times giving up is so much easier. Mary Elizabeth chose to take those bumps and curves and straighten them out by being positive, knowing her future was mapped out for her. God had a plan even through all the turmoil she faced, the next chapter of her life would be fulfilling ~ rewarding ~ but still hard ~ removing choices in her life, in her past, to be who she now is, strong, a fighter, a real warrior for humanity ~ for the disabilities of others, for herself, being her own person, not afraid to speak openly about anything. If something wasn't right, Mary Elizabeth would say just how it should be, her words sometimes biting, but got the point across. She once told me “I need you to put tap[...]



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2015-10-03T19:58:19.521-04:00

WHY? WHY? WHY? JUST WHY?

Why? Why? Why? Just Why?
A question so haunting, we often ask
you stole our lives, our existence,
our tears were hid behind a mask.

We would cry inside, silent tears
too afraid to make a sound,
you abused, hurt, threatened us
our thoughts, so scrambled, so tightly bound.

The whys will never be answered
we must move on and leave it behind
WE are much stronger, we are survivors
even when the whys still enter our minds.

You see, you crushed our spirits
stole our inner child so small,
children were we, we didn’t understand
you were the adult, it was your call.

We as adult survivors, no longer live
in your shadows anymore,
we now have a voice and use it
to expose you and all your gore.

My whys from the past, never to be answered
I understand, accept it now,
writing, talking about it
no longer silent, to this I do vow!!

Poetry by Mary Graziano ©
January 16, 2013
Revised September 1, 2014

Awesome watercolour painting
Title WHY? WHY? WHY? JUST WHY!
By my wonderful friend
Michal Madison
www.MichalMadisonArt.com
copyrighted



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2014-08-27T17:27:52.962-04:00

IRIS INVITATIONThe beauty of the Iris, so elegant,ruffled blooms that dance in thewarm summer breeze, sending a requestfor you to come close, see how intricateeach petal is, to marvel at its splendour.Hues of purple, lavish the bloomswith abundance, petals sleeping,soon unwrap themselves when feeling therays of the morning sun, spreading upwardstanding tall with the other Irises.Embracing all the warmth, feeling strong, its beauty again sends out an invitation as you become mesmerized by suchelegance, one flower can present,by the wondrous tones nature has painted.Sword like leaves, waving you closerproudly showing off its green foliage,enhancing the beauty of the dancing Iris.Light flowing through intensifies each leaf,the strong tubular stem proudly displaying the Iris.So many magical shades, striking, sharinga rainbow of colours, so beautiful, leaving you in awe, having you returnonce again when you see the Iris dancing.Your invitation to come back into their world.Poetry by Mary Graziano ©Watercolour painting “IRIS INVITATION”by Lynn C. Tolson ©[...]



SUNFLOWER SUNRISE

2014-08-27T16:53:48.339-04:00

SUNFLOWER SUNRISE

The sunflower, a flower of beauty
raising its head up towards the rising sun.
Feeling warmth as it proudly displays petals
with vibrant hues of yellow, imitating the sun.

Each petal looking like rays of sunshine,
to brighten your day, helping to evoke feelings
of warmth inside, of joy, inspiration,
leaving you with a feeling of hope.

Standing tall, the sunflower ~ proud, creating a place for itself,
not worrying about what others think.
Its symbol being FAITH ~ faith in itself, giving
it the strength to hold its head up high.

Be like the sunflower, never wane, become that individual
with aspirations, fulfilling every dream,
leaving yesterday behind, building your tomorrows,
becoming proud ~ never let the past influence or degrade.

Reach for the light; take hold of all positives,
discard any negatives, letting the shadows of the sun
sweep away your past, and all that hurts.
Stay strong ~ be strong ~ be like the “Sunflower Sunrise.”

Poetry by Mary Graziano ©
Revised, August24, 2014
Watercolour painting and title
“SUNFLOWER SUNRISE” by
Michal Madison ©
www.michalmadisonart.com
"Hope is like the sun, which,
as we journey toward it,
casts the shadow of
our burdens behind us."
Samuel Smiles (Scottish author 1812-1904)

"Sunflower Sunrise"
watercolor by Michal Madison
www.MichalMadisonArt.net/galleries.html



2 Comments

2015-08-15T22:12:42.580-04:00

     Loving ourselves is something that we find hard to do.  So often we are only thinking of the negative things about ourselves.  What about the positives?  If you stop and think for on minute of one positive, one thing you have done, then you can start doing this every day.  Push aside the negative thinking.  Be happy in who you are.  We are not perfect no-one is, and if anyone tells you that they are, then they are only fooling themselves.  Your thoughts are what keeps you either feeling good about yourself or upset, angry with yourself.  How many times do we tell ourselves we are not worthy, are stupid etc.  Really start thinking about what you say to you, then try and turn it around.     Life throws curves at us all the time.  Life is not easy, but we have to make the best of it.  We don't live in a perfect world, these curves along the way can help you grow, help you become a better YOU.  Let go of the "what ifs" we all do it, but does it get us anywhere?  Thinking or dreaming of a better life, won't get you there, you have to have to do it, act on it.  How else are you going to achieve it.      By loving yourself, others will become to love you.  Loving yourself, helps you to love others because if you don't know how to love, how can you love another person?  We all make mistakes, that's how we learn, but when we put ourselves down for what we did wrong, we are only hurting ourselves.  Others can walk away from us when they hear our negativity, but we can never walk away.  We are it., we live with ourselves, we need to love who you are inside, in your soul, reach deep, tell yourself how awesome you really are.  I know how hard this is to do, I find it hard to love myself.     Being a survivor of child abuse, it is often ingrained in us that we are not worthy, we are nothing.  We believe it, and live it everyday.  But it is not true.  I realize now that I'm not stupid, I can achieve anything I set my mind to.  Living in fear during my childhood and teen years takes your self-esteem down to the very bottom of that abyss, leaves you stranded in the negative thoughts.  I wondered what I ever did wrong, why I was being punished.  I believed all the things said to me, but you know, it wasn't true.  We were fed lies, we were abused, and felt we deserved it.  The abuser was the one that took away our inner self.  Now we need to find it again, and it all comes down to learning to love ourselves.     That little child in each of us suffered tremendously, locked her/himself up tightly, to keep safe, but didn't feel love for themselves from others.  That continued on as we grew.  I never saw the potential inside myself to be who I wanted to be.  To succeed in my dreams.  I always wanted to be a nurse, but was told that I wasn't smart enough.  I couldn't go on to University or collage, so I struggled though high school, got my diploma and went out and found a job.  Nursing was pushed out of my mind.  Today, I know I could have done it, but it took all these years to really realize that I shouldn't have listened, I should have at least tried, and if I didn't succeed, then that was my decision to at least try.  Now I regret it so much.     To learn to really love ourselves, we need to reach our inner[...]



OUR INNER CHILD

2015-10-03T17:27:03.245-04:00

OUR INNER CHILDOur inner child is that small child inside each of us left behind, too afraid to be her/his self.  Abuse stole the abilities for us to really play.  To be ourselves.  We held back. Giving in to the demands of our abuser. Knowing that our lives were no longer ours.  We hid in the background in the deep abyss of our souls.On the outside, I pretended that all was great within my life.  But deep inside, I felt empty.  My inner child was lost.  The only time I felt a little bit of reprieve was being outside with my friends.  There I was able to play.  I was free from the clutches of my abusers. Away from the verbal assaults and the physical pain of the hitting that I had to endure.My inner child was able to have some hours of fun.  But, once inside the house she hid away.  Refusing to come out.  My somber look took over my expressions.Our inner child is sensitive, delicate.  Needs to feel love.  To know that their feelings matter in order to feel alive.  When those feelings are "shot down," not being able to speak and be heard, only told to "shut up," of course they will shut down. Becoming invisible. Crawling deep inside the abyss where they feel safe from the hurtful words, physical attacks and of course, definitely from incest and sexual abuse.We were children and as children had no rights according to our abusers.  We fell silent. Giving in to what the abuser did and wanted from us.  We felt guilty, ashamed, crying ourselves to sleep at night.  Hoping and praying that no-one came into our rooms.  Our inner child was frozen in time not able to move on. As we became adults, that little girl or boy is still there, waiting, but no-one listens.  Stuck inside an "adult world."   If we haven't connected with her/him, they are still hiding away in the shadows of our soul.  Afraid and alone.  We continue on with our lives, but the past is still attached to our subconscious. Even though we may think that we are free from it all. But through our actions, not even really knowing it, we are hurting.  We may revert to drug use, etc. Our world was shattered and by acting out or hiding inside ourselves, that was our way of sorting through our feelings.For myself, I chose to be a quiet person.  Holding my feelings inward.  Too afraid to show them or act upon them.  I knew the consequences if I did something and got caught doing it.  That is how afraid I was of my mother.   Now, I can speak, I don't have to hide in fear.  I have started reconnecting with my inner child.  She is showing her true colours.  She has survived. Now can come out and play freely outside that "box" so to speak.  Sometimes there is resistance from her, but by speaking softly, telling her the past is now gone, she realizes she is now safe. She watches with interest seeing that it is a safe environment to venture forward.Coming together as one is instrumental in our own healing journey.  I hope that this blog post can help others understand that little child that may be hiding inside of you, afraid and alone, is free to explore outside of the deepest part of your soul.  Into the light.  Into a world that was hidden from her/him for so many years ~Mary Graziano ©June 2, 2014[...]



3 Comments

2014-05-22T23:31:58.367-04:00

I love the word "Mindset."  It says so much to us.  You can change your mindset, change it from fixed to growth.  But you have to want to change, you need to feel it inside of you.  Hope also is something that helps you move forward, but only if you change the mindset, and not stay in the fixed. How many times have you thought of giving up?  Many of us have thought this way, often when we are at our lowest of lows, and we feel that we just can't go on any longer.  That, is your fixed mindset talking.  You have decided that you can't grow, move forward are "stuck."  Often as survivors of abuse, we feel this way for a long time, and fall into that rut, and it is so very hard to come out from it and move forward.  But we CAN'T give up says "Growth  mindset."  We can't give up on the hopes of a better tomorrow, the hopes of fulfilling our greatest potentials, to moving forward and surpassing what was.You can choose that negative or fixed mindset or push on to that positive mindset and meet your challenges, and live to enjoy what you have missed.We as survivors have met many challenges along our path of healing.  Hope gave us the chance, gave us the courage to face the past, encouraged us to move forward in our journey from the depths of despair and face our fears. That is what a survivor does, never gives up, uses a mindset of growth to achieve what they want in life. Hope is God's unconditional love, helping us choose the right mindset.  Just like the butterfly on their long dauntless journey, they fought hard to travel the thousands of miles to reach their final destination. They used a mindset of growth knowing that they could achieve what they set out to do.  Close your eyes, envision the beautiful butterfly soaring high, exhausted, but pursuing their difficult challenges, never giving up.Having the courage to go on, having hope, THAT gives us the will to fight, to never say ~"I CAN'T."  YES, YOU CAN!!!!  We are not called survivors for nothing.  God helped us get through the horrors of abuse.  He has a plan for each of us, some of us still not understanding what that plan is, but you will know when the time is right.  Sometimes I think that what I went through was for a reason, it was somehow meant to happen, as crazy as that sounds.  But to me if it never happened, I would not be doing what I am doing now...I would not be an independent advocate for abuse.   I would not be writing my poetry like I am.  We can look at it in a negative (fixed mindset) or in a positive (growth mindset).  The choice is yours, but I think looking at it as a positive, will help you get through your fears, get through the past that kept you trapped, and still keeps you trapped because you feel you can't get out from under it.Hope is a miracle that gives us a reason to live.  Never ever give up, hope transcends all....As growth mindset says to fixed, "anything is possible if you believe."FIXED OR GROWTH MINDSETFixed mindset,- powerfulBut it can be changedIn so many waysWith hard workDon't let anyoneStop you.Grow, move forwardDon't be afraid,Mindset that is fixedWill make you feelUnworthy, trappedWithin yourself.Your abilities won't growAchieve with success,If you keep your mind fixedFeeling what a loser you areYour mind will no longer think,You're stuck tightly in that rut.Growth mindset isSo very important,B[...]



Child Inside

2014-10-17T18:46:35.704-04:00

CHILD INSIDEI have a tiny child insideWho so badly is wantingTo come out,But when she feelsShe has the courageShe retreats, still too afraid,I need to try and convince her The numbness, And the fear she feels No longer can keep her prisoner,Now is her chance to let it go.The past is gone, it's timeTo move forwardAs I whispered and Called her name,Come play with meLet's have some fun, Experience laughterLike a little child should,All that happiness which hadBeen squandered, Leaving you so unfulfilled.Slowly the door from the insideCreaks open, as she takes a peek,Unsure, but as Curiosity takes overHer green eyes brightenTo see her adult self,Warmly, I say I love youAs she smiles, I return her gaze, There is so much loveFlowing between usTears well up inside my eyes.Gently, I embrace her warmly I can feel the love That was amiss for too long,She's blooming just like a flowerFinally free to see the light That for a time was so forebodingHow proudly she takes a stand,Just like each petal on the flowerHappily displaying its own true selfEndearingly we come togetherNever again, will we ever part.Mary Graziano ©May 4, 2014Title "Child Inside"And watercolour By Michal MadisonCopyright 2014Visit www.MichalMadisonArt.netTo purchase art, 10% of every saleIs donated to ending child abuse.[...]