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Preview: Just me and my silly thoughts

Just me and my silly thoughts

Updated: 2018-03-02T07:43:03.226-08:00




Dear Mum & Dad,

Recently Ive been getting feedback sessions from my clinical dean and tutors. They tell me I can do very well and have potential to in the upper percentile. Dear parents, I want to let u know I feel that is terribly stressful. I just wanna behappy and study at my own pace. I dont like exams. I feel so bad if i dont perform well. oh wells.

Your son.

Forgive me


Forgive me O Lord for I have sullied thy name.



A part of me fears that this swine flu is going to kill some of my friends and my family. Dear mum & dad, I love you. May Lord grant us mercies.

Swine flu - the beginning


(CNN) -- The World Health Organization raised the swine flu alert to level five Wednesday indicating it fears a pandemic is imminent.

This is it. The big swine flu pandemic is imminent. Hopefully God shows mercy on my friends and family and that they are spared.

A noteworthy poem.



When I come to the end
of my journey
And I travel my last weary mile,
Just forget if you can,
That I ever frowned
And remember only the smile.
Forget unkind words I have spoken;
Remember some good I have done,
Forget that I ever had heartache
And remember I've had loads of fun.
Forget that I have stumbled and
And sometimes fell by the way.
Remember I have fought
some hard battles
And won, ere the close of the day.
Then forget to grieve for my going,
I would not have you sad for one day,
But in summer
Just gather some flowers
And remember the place where I lay,
And come in the evening
When the sun paints the sky in the west
Stand for a few moments beside me
And remember only my best.

Day 1 of revision.


9 weeks to exams. Time to start revising. haha guess what i actually fell asleep. blame it on a 8-5 day, blame it on studying i did in school already. thats not enough, its always not enough. need to fulfil my study objective for the day although i know i never will. hmm keep ploughing on. 9 weeks to go.

also, time to take lvl 9 to lvl 1.

Living on faith


I've a friend who lives truly by faith. has $500 in her bank, no full time job and lives in a church solely by good will. Yet, is fervant to do the Lord's work, cooks weekly for bible study. Her faith unwavering. What is mine compared to hers? If push comes to shove, will I be steadfast in the Lord?

Stress in perspective


Mum: Stress is a good thing it means you got things to pray for. Its better than being proud and not relying on God.

A tribute to my dear friend


I should have seen it coming, in retrospect it was clear as day. You were ready to die for your beliefs. How lucid your thoughts were or what your beliefs were didn’t matter. You have given yourself enough time. You had considered/ rejected more than once unable to accept the strict pure nature of my God. Your last words to me were,
“to my evangelist friend, the real reason or final belief remains inviolate within my mind. but you are free to make what you will of what you believe of me. Thanks”. You told me, “If a mother could die for her child, a soldier for his country even more could someone live or die for his beliefs.”

What were your beliefs? Even now I’ve failed to get a clear picture. You told me to make my own conclusion. Well, dear friend, your belief was that there wasn’t much you could belief in. You couldn’t believe in a God and therefore life had no meaning. You said to me, “Unlike you I don’t have a God and so there is no meaning.” I believe many people will question your sanity, after all you are clinically depressed. This dear friend I will fiercely defend, whether you were 100% lucid or sick with depression is irrelevant. You took your life because of the tremendous insight that you had - that life is meaningless. In that sense, you are braver than most of us, willing to face up to reality. The one failing that you had was that you never accepted God in your life because you couldn’t. I wonder what if you had, I wonder is it my failing that caused your death. ( On this issue I believed I have debated with you countless times…I even remember how you said it was uncharacteristic of me to let go of logic to take that step of faith) I did joke with you not long ago that at your wake I would evangelize. Now its seems harder then it should. The idea of not seeing you ever in eternity sucks big time, I wonder how many more of those I hold dear will go down the path you have taken.

Nevertheless, dear friend, you have impacted me in ways wonderous and beautiful - let me see sides of the coin I never knew – beauty in sorrow, evil, grief (unblibical as it may sound)

In my belief - There is no joy, only eternal pain awaits you my dear friend. But in yours – I’m sure you have found rest. both of us are 100% correct.

Yours truly,



Sigh....what if? Life is too complex...too many variables....I consistently face this problem...never contented...never living for the moment...always living for the next...and that is notgood

Mt blanc-France



5 June 2008


I'm Lee dong Wok/ Angelina Jolie, undercover agent to get close to Osama girl fren/ brad pitt who him/her stored in the toilet bowl. Unfortunately I'm starting to like him/her



A moment of contemplation for my AMS year. Well lotsa shit along the way. But within this year, I've gone to cambodia, shanghai, singapore, australia, holland, switzerland, france for so varied reasons.

Most importantly, I've found God.....:). Continue to lead me my king....-

29 May, 2008


I gurantee you tough times, I gurantee you that at one point of time or another one or both of us might want out. But I also know that if I dont ask you to be mine I'll regret it for the rest of my life because I know you're the one.

Runaway Bride...mmm...nice...

28 May, 2008


Been wrapping up my holland lab work. Let's just say I'm quite relieved that I finally can leave the lab. Enough lab work for me. Its good and all but I'm ready for clinical school. This weekend I'm going on a solo trip to chamonix, Mt Blanc. Oh wells.

quote, " you know OCD is because you got high levels of serotonin and low levels of dopamine, and that also means you're in love. Are you in love?"

Yes I'm.

Correction: high in dopamine, low in serotonin...chuckles

25 May, 2008


Today I went to a small little Anglican church. Well thank God for always putting nice pple beside me during service. I met this lady called Ann and she was really nice and all, got to met a few other ppe also a ex-air stewardness for SIA that married a dutchman...haha..random fact though LKY had a dutchman as an adivsor for economic policies..haha

Well the one thing about the anglican church is that it preached a world church idea...sigh...
Oh and i was commented on for my nice, leading voice by like 3 pple...SYLO!!!!(sing your lungs out) I'm sure I was out of tune...hahahaha

Following your heart


Sometimes we make mistakes, not to learn from them, but to find out whats real, to follow your heart. Mmm. Now I understand.

23 May, 2008


Italians love their coffee even if its vending machined. And I wanna specialize in cardiology.

22 May 2008


Holland, Utrecht Medical Centre. I think my lab supervisor, Mirjam doesnt like me. Haha especially after today. I stumped in abit blur into the lab like all mornings. Then the first thing I had to do was an ELISA. I havent read the protocol. So I asked really stupid questions like why must put 50ul here? haha. Gosh on retrospect I sound dumb. And seriously have a problem with concentrations and moles, i'm so lousy at converting numbers...that i sound like a dumb blonde...not to mention Mirjam is super fast. Argh blame my medical education. And right now I'm stuck at my research. Stuck! ok mark this date. I'll be fine by next week such is life.

Meanwhile, my supervisor says quote from email 'I think it is very exciting. You have essentially confirmed our proteomic data that there are TGFB in the CM and they are biologically active. ' haha no effect leh.

Worst part oil price 134 per barrel...please mum let me buy a motor bike. The world is coming to an end....sigh...

And I've found the coolest plant/tree in the world. You know meal worms? yar imagine a whole tree infested with it and they lay this spiderweb/silk like thing covering the whole plant and then they dangle down all wriggly and gross.. Haha soooo cooool!!! I walk past it everyday and never fail to stare at it....

May 18, 2008


Today is the Lord's day. The chiming of a dozen church bells. Lost in a pretty city. Canals, quaint little cobbled streets, flowers, trees. But no church i walked the wrong direction...I heaved a sigh and decided to follow the most distinct sound of church bells, remembering stories of how God miraculously leads men to places where they need to go.

So i walked stumbling into yet more quaint cobbled streets, then i recognize this church that i stumbed upon. Its the 'domkerk' an icon of Utrecht. Founded in 695AD as a roman catholic church its was taken over by the protestants in 1581. Its architecture was amazing tall catherdrals, an organ that stood 4 stories high, stained glasses of medivel knights and salvation, statues of Jesus on the cross, a wall dedicted to reformers like martin luther and john calvin. What a clash of religion here.

The service was interesting. A trio of men in monk red robes led the singing. Their voice resonating in symphony in the cathedrals(you know how well catherdrals conduct acoustics), together with the organ. Magnificant.

I did not understand much although a kind lady did provide translations for me. The lord's supper was so solemn. Leaven bread though and we all drank from the same chalice with really sweet wine. haha for kids...all in all...God is good...

On a sad note, christianity in holland is in a decline. From what i hear, 60 years ago everyone went to church. Nowadays, less and less people are going and they are mostly old people. Services are turning more liberal, more charismatic, appealing more to the flesh than the spirit You being to wonder, that God has moved away from the western world, perhaps it is time for the east to hear the gospel. As mentioned in mattew 28. But Then. my lord will come to claim his crown.

On a random note, thank God for the dutch colonization in the 1600s allowing christianity to spread abroad....Its amazing how God allows this to happen....using ways which we cannot imagine to fulfil the great comission

15th May, 2008

2008-12-08T16:42:48.404-08:00 its all real... [...]

13 May, 2008


Its amazing how frail human memory is. I look at the flowers at keukenhof garden, their explosion of colours too complex for me to fully grasp. Haha I mused at the fact that what I see today I probably cant remember down the road. Haha so it was flowers that started this blog...teehee...

Ok my first weekend at holland. Well holland is beautiful- flat grass, cows, sheep, flowers. Lab work oh well is lab work...haha...gosh i sound boring...haha...

12,000 pple dead in in sichuan by earthquake, 20,000-100,000 people affected/dead by cyclone in Mynmar, rising oil/food prices the world falling into recession. You wonder why this world is such a grim place and yet seemingly a lot of us lead lives completely oblivious to these things. (Or is it me that's too affected?) You know putting things into perspective lotsa of us have really a lot to thank for. So always be thankful.

Ok back on an interesting note.
1. I tried a chocolate hash muffin
2. I smoked weed

Oh THC(cannibinoids) its a funny thing. I remember sitting in the train looking at the setting golden sun. Everything( the trees, the field) looked so vivid, so clear, so relaxed everything was so peaceful. Well then i felt seasick cuz everything was so clear. And a funny side effect was getting the 'munchies', ate lotsa chips while on the phone b4 i slept chuckles...Its a funny feeling really...haha... To sum it all, better than getting drunk without the side effects.

3. I cycled amongst really pretty holland green fields with canals and dykes and the sun.
4. I went to keukenhof( the world's prettiest garden) I've decided that penny violet is my favourite flower. Carnations are really pretty. And this really nice flower called 'macrophylia' or 'hyacinth'. Ohhh.....I love flowerss....I'm gonna have lotsa it at my wedding...all kinds...everyone one should come to keukenhof once in their lives...season is from march-may.

Oh and i got to know this lady called Chlelendra from a south american country called surinama(might be wrong). Lotsa immigrants to holland come from netherland colonies like those. haha I'm gonna travel south america one day...then end off in the carribeans...yup my honey moon perhaps chuckles.

Tulips bulbs need cold weather to bloom. Crockett is dutch traditional food. Chinese are ugly. Ang mohs look good. I need to write my thesis.