Subscribe: Momabetes
http://momabetes.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default
Added By: Feedage Forager Feedage Grade B rated
Language: English
Tags:
back  blog  blood sugars  blood  crazy  day  don  feel  good  high  maybe  much  new  night  people  thing  time  today 
Rate this Feed
Rate this feedRate this feedRate this feedRate this feedRate this feed
Rate this feed 1 starRate this feed 2 starRate this feed 3 starRate this feed 4 starRate this feed 5 star

Comments (0)

Feed Details and Statistics Feed Statistics
Preview: Momabetes

Momabetes



Living, learning, and laughing as a diabetic mother



Updated: 2018-03-06T05:34:22.989-08:00

 



This is Ridiculous

2009-01-30T12:25:04.341-08:00

I am so mad right now.

So we moved cross-country recently. I've been having trouble with my blood sugars being unpredictable, probably due to a mix of physical and emotional stress that came with this move, as well as hormonal craziness due to birth control pills that I started to try to mitigate some hormonal craziness like throwing up at that time of the month.

Add in some holidays and an ice storm and depression over moving and a two-year-old who takes up almost all of my time and energy, and I don't really have time to deal with this CRAP about changing insurances and finding a new doctor when I'm not sick and blah blah blah.

So I tried to get my prescription for test strips filled. But I couldn't pick them up because first they had to call my doctor to request a refill since They think They have to monitor us to keep us healthy but all that really happens is that sometimes you can't get what you need because They decide you're not playing nice with the system.

By the time the doctor okay'd it, we were in the middle of an ice storm. Luckily, I had plenty of test strips left to last me a couple more days of ice.

Today we finally got to get out and try to get my prescription. It was waiting for me, but of course I had switched insurances so there was that whole rigamarole to go through. (Not that we wanted to switch insurances. We had Aetna, which I'd had before and it worked ok, and Ben's work switched us to BCBS, which we had in NC and was always a problem.)

Then they tell me that I can't get that many test strips per month...unless I do their mail-order form. Um...I'm out of test strips! So the nice pharmacist calls the company and asks for an exception for this month...Nope. They will give me 10 days for $60 and that's it. Um...it only costs me $20 for 30 days, so how the heck does that work out?

And obviously we don't exactly have tons of money to throw at my diabetes, so right now I'm forced to not take any and then go home and yell at the BCBS people...if they don't keep me on hold forever.

So I still don't have my test strips. And if they tell me I was supposed to mail-order, I will yell even louder. This is ridiculous. It's not my fault that I need more test strips than they think is allowable to keep on top of my diabetes. It's not my fault that I don't have a new doctor, either, since I'm not sick but I AM the one who has to live with diabetes, and why the HECK does it make sense for them to control what medications I can't have that have to do with my diabetes, and why do they think it's a good idea to withhold medicines when if I don't get them I can promise you that my blood sugars will not be within range, since I can't tell what the heck they are?

Where do people get the energy to deal with this crap? I'm too tired and depressed from my move to do much besides daily maintenance--feed and take care of myself and my family and try not to have an apoplexy when something in my daily plans goes this awry.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Thanks. I feel marginally better. Now off to wait for a customer service rep. Gag me.



Thanks for the support

2008-12-09T19:14:13.166-08:00

I need it right now. I'm sick with a common cold and I just hate that feeling of the virus strengthening in your system, getting its grip on you. Ugh. Plus of course my blood sugars are crazy high and crazy low and sooooo hard to predict.

At least my stress levels are down now that I'm finally getting adjusted to the move. Of course, that may well be why I finally succumbed to the illness--that whole theory of getting sick once you finally let down your defenses--but I feel much better with a runny nose than I did with a strained psyche.

Here's to hot tea and early bedtime!



Dia-beat

2008-12-02T15:38:35.281-08:00

So here I am, a year and a little bit after I first started this blog, and I barely ever post and I often forget to check in with the d-bloggers I love best.

It's just so disheartening. I really felt so much optimism about connecting with people with diabetes. And I was SO close to getting a pump in NC, and then we had to go and move across the country--and suddenly--and that put me into such a tailspin that I have a feeling I MIGHT be able to START trying again in the new year. Maybe.

I'm just worn out and sad right now, just starting to really feel my sorrow about moving, and my blood sugars have been crazy and wild and unpredictable and STRESS!!!!!!!!!! is making everything worse, along with other things like exhaustion and medications I'd rather not be on but I need them so I don't get really sick.

Anyway. I'm still chugging along with the D, as always, and just wanted to say hi and sorry for being a lousy d-blogger and I know I'm always down on myself in this blog but maybe that helps me a little bit so thanks for reading about it. Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with blood sugars that dip and soar like crazy because of stress? I know the answer is manage your stress but seriously, sometimes you can only do so much.

Happy December, everybody. Can't believe it's almost Christmas already.



Pump Update

2008-10-19T18:29:02.514-07:00

Just in case anyone's reading this and wondering if I ever got a pump, the answer is, not quite yet. But I am incredibly close--I just have to get through a move across the country this week, and then find a new doctor as soon as we get settled, and I'll get a pump, which, incidentally, will be FREE with my husband's new insurance.

Woo-hoo! I cannot even say how excited I am. Pump, here I come!



The Pump: tell me all you know

2008-09-26T17:44:11.822-07:00

I talked with a Medtronic Man today. I really really want to go on a pump. Does anyone know of any good sites for comparing different types of pumps and where to start with making these kinds of decisions?
---------------------
I've been absent from this blog for a long time, I know. What can I say? My summer was incredibly hectic and I've also been plagued by a lack of Internet access due to a series of technological difficulties. But of course, I also have my own motivations holding me back. It is so tough to engage with my diabetes on an emotional level. Most days I just have to take care of the minutiae and don't have any room left over for pondering the long-term effects of this disease, or how to change up my routine and make improvements, etc. But I am willing to make a HUGE effort to make a pump work because so many of the problems I have may be eliminated by it--fatigue from frequent lows, overweight and nausea because of eating necessitated by said frequent lows, hormonal swings that are probably strongly tied to the extra weight which comes from the lows, an inability to normally enjoy meals because of this whole issue where I'm either starving or nauseous and unable to think about eating, and did I mention the exhaustion?

Anyway. I'm around. I'm thinking about things. I just have very little time/energy/emotional space to devote to this whole thing. I'm trying. Sorry for not being around.



Even Weirder

2008-06-23T16:59:56.288-07:00

Sometimes I feel like my blood sugar is low, and I test, and it's like 120. Then an hour later it drops suddenly to 45. Or I feel high, test, and it's 97, then an hour later it's 184. I guess that could be a relic of the fact that you're not always getting a reading that reflects what your blood sugar is right at that very moment.

But what's this? Today I have felt high ALL DAY LONG. And my meter has consistently said that my blood sugar was in the 90s, with two exceptions--once it was 116 and once it was 57. I did feel low when I was 57, but I also had some residual "highness" feelings. So what's going on? I've ruled out dehydration, which is usually the culprit if I feel a little high and I'm not. But I have that yucky heavy legs feeling I get when I'm high. I have to pee every five minutes but that's a result of making sure I'm hydrated, probably. I have a funny taste in my mouth. I just don't feel right.

All. Day. Long.

Ugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.



Update on my b.s. swings

2008-06-21T14:30:41.895-07:00

...because that's what they feel like. B.S. swings. It took about three days for my blood sugar to sort of even out. Still don't know what that's about but my guess is just some hormonal difference that we haven't figured out yet. Hopefully it won't be like this every month. So here's to learning from the past for a better future.

Gotta go, time for burritos! As James would say, mmmmmmmmmm beans!



I feel like poo today.

2008-06-17T19:13:51.183-07:00

Over the past 24 hours, my blood sugar has been crazy high. It seems to want to stay high and so I have to take massive amounts of insulin to bring it down--and then by the time it works, I get low, and then I get a rebound high.

I am so exhausted. What is going on? A few weeks ago I had the same problem in reverse--I had to cut my insulin regime in half for a few days. And then it went back to normal and my dosages went back to normal and now, holy cow, what IS this? I feel like I've been run over by a truck, hourly.

Plus I'm worried. It's never good to hang out at 250-300. Makes me nervous and scared. And did I mention I feel like crap and even my thinking takes more time and effort? Ugh.

It's ONLY 210 right now and I've taken more insulin to bring it down from that...so I'm going off to try to sleep off this high-blood-sugar hangover and get in what rest I can in case I have more difficulties (high or low) in the middle of the night.

Anyone want to come babysit tomorrow so I can take a nap? PLEASE????



Hi there

2008-06-06T16:43:08.779-07:00

One amazing and crazy trip to Oklahoma with no internet access and one bout of depression later, I'm finally back, and all I can think is how much I hate those stupid "Get your body back" ads for "helping women lose the baby weight" and such.

What? Whose body do they think I have now?

We are so screwed up, at least in this country, about body image and dieting and such. Holy cow.

More soon, if I can pull myself out of this spell of social withdrawal. I just miss my family so much. It STINKS that they are so far away.



Yeah, yeah, yeah.

2008-05-17T18:47:25.662-07:00

I'm still here. It's just that my internet's been total crap lately. I have had the internet MAYBE 5 minutes A DAY for the last two weeks. But it seems like it's better the last two or three days, so keep your fingers crossed and maybe I'll get some new posts up that don't just complain about my connection!

Also of note, my blood sugars have been crazy-low lately. One day I checked probably 13 times and had no number over 80. ALL DAY LONG! And then one morning after breakfast my blood sugar dropped to 37, which is not only crazy low but also a crazy time for my b.s. to drop, considering I usually have an after-breakfast spike.

And, I've been sick and I had my monthly visitor this last week, two events that generally raise blood sugars a little bit. So what gives? So far I have no real answers, but a few guesses, involving wacky hormones and T-Tapp.

Whatever it is, I've had to drastically decrease my daytime Lantus and of course my Humalog is down too, so here's hoping that a) that fixes my problem and b) my insulin requirements stay low. Yay for not having to take as much insulin!

Now I have to go to bed. That being-low-all-the-time thing really wears you out, ya know. G'night!



Random Question

2008-05-08T19:24:38.844-07:00

Today I was thinking about an upcoming trip we have and all the little details I have to iron out about our flights...

And then I was thinking about the "liquid laws" airlines have in place now, and how I need to call the airline and just ask what exactly I should do with my insulin so that it's not awkward like it's been the last few times...

And then I realized I had a question for the Internets. So, Internets, what does a person with a pump do when going through the whole airport security scenario?

Yet another way changing to a pump might change the way your daily life flows. Hm. Food for thought: what other things will change and be either more difficult or less so that I haven't already thought about, assuming that someday in the next few years I get a pump?

Oh, and how the heck do young moms with pumps keep their kids from accidentally yanking the tubing out?



Last of the Month

2008-04-30T19:25:00.146-07:00

Seriously? I forgot to post yesterday? Holy Geez. Where did that day even go? I sure don't remember.

Anyway. 

Things I Have Learned About Myself This April:

1. Blogging every day about my diabetes is like pulling teeth.

2. I have a lot of leftover feelings about a lot of things that I sort of just shoved away in a box underneath the bed.

3. Now is the time to deal with them because they are making me feel like crap.

4. Like how I don't like to talk about my diabetes. 

5. I'm a very self-aware person but somehow I've managed to avoid looking at this disease that is such a huge part of my life.

6. I LOVE T-Tapp. My back is feeling about a million times better today than it did a month ago. This morning I actually had a really sore shoulder (probably from how much I had to carry Tyler on my back yesterday), but while I was doing the workout, I actually felt it begin to un-knot and, for lack of a better way to explain it, get fixed. This is so empowering!

7. I really do put myself dead last a lot of the time, just like the stereotypical Mom. I've been wearing broken glasses for over a year now. It is time to get new ones.

8.  I love reading other people's blogs, no matter what they're about, but I always feel like this blog is too boring to read. Thanks, though, for sharing whatever it is you've shared on your blog. Being able to read others' writings is key for me in feeling connected with the outside world while caring for two children under the age of two.

9. Speaking of which...I CAN'T FUNCTION WITHOUT THE INTERNET. Our regular 'puter recently died and I am now limited to using the internet sometime between when Ben comes home from work and when I go to bed--you know, during dinner, bath, bedtime, etc...not a lot of chances there. And it seems like I can't get anything done when I get to the computer because by the time I do, I'm just ready for bed, and not exactly a fountain of wisdom or energy and motivation.

10.  My list of books to read is never going to get any smaller.

11. I miss being able to watch Conan O'Brien.

12. Did I mention that I'm too tired at the end of the day to say anything coherent? Sorry.

13. I'm amazed and thankful that you stuck around during this month. Thanks so much. Now, hopefully I will resume posting when I actually have something to say, although I will try to post more frequently than I have in the past. But first I'm heading over to James and the Giant Moose to catch up on my posting up there.




Blah

2008-04-28T17:56:29.524-07:00

I have an inordinate amount of rage today because some of our papers got rained on. I knew they were going to get rained on and I took every step I could think of to prevent it from happening but it didn't work and WHY DOES THIS MAKE ME SO MAD?!?

Maybe it's because I didn't manage to do my T-Tapp today. Gotta remember to do that!

I can't believe it's almost May. Time marches on.



Letter to my state

2008-04-27T17:38:07.756-07:00

Dear North Carolina,

Hey, howzit goin'? Things with me are going all right, although I have to say, I generally enjoy living within your borders, but today was not so fun. If you could perhaps reconsider that whole "90% humidity" thing, I'd really appreciate it. Otherwise, this entire season is going to suck for me. Your high temps combined with the incredible amounts of moisture in your air really just make me feel like taking refuge in another state. Or at the very least, lying in a dark room in front of an air conditioner.

How could you do this to me? It's not even MAY yet and you've already brought the pain. Ouch.

Then again, James really REALLY loved it when you rained like crazy this evening. And you chose to bless me with an event that is oh-so-rare here: a cool breeze. So thanks for that. I think maybe I'll stick with you. At least for a little while.

If only you'd consider ditching the pollen.



It's Mac's fault.

2008-04-26T17:38:03.325-07:00

Our computer died today. Not really sure what's wrong with it, but Ben thinks it's a video card problem, which most likely means spending $150-$200 to get a new one. Joy!

So now we actually have to decide if we're going to do it or not. Normally, there would be no question--we just can't survive in this house without a computer. BUT...a couple of weeks ago, something exciting happened to us, and I haven't mentioned it yet because I wasn't sure when or how it would be relevant. Today is that day--WE GOT A MAC!

Yes, I'm typing this entry on our new Mac laptop as I speak. And it is GREAT.

So, there you have it, the bad news and the good news. This could be bad for my blogging because Ben takes this 'puter to work with him, meaning I have no ability to get on the internet All Day Long! I don't know exactly how I'll survive. So pray the "old guy" computer miraculously fixes itself. But either way, at least we have this awesome new one and I'm not completely gone from WebWorld.

Okay. That was probably not so exciting for you. But it has been very exciting for us. When we were waiting for the Mac to be delivered, Ben would literally run over to the window every time he heard a truck drive by. Cute! And we've had lots of fun playing with it so far. 

So, what kind of computer do you have? And what do you like and dislike about it? And do you know anything about video cards, like where I can get a cheap one? And don't you love those Mac/PC commercials?

Hope you're all having a happy weekend. See you tomorrow~



Not a single coherent thought in the house.

2008-04-25T19:52:19.526-07:00

Sooo...tired.

Can't...stop...watching....CSI Miami.

Only place...men can wear...pink shirts...and not look...like idiots.

Must...

Get...

Sleep...

Happy Weekend!

Zzzzzzzzzz.............



In Which I Reveal the Complex and Myriad Ways I Waste My Time

2008-04-24T18:50:29.315-07:00

I got nothing for ya today, really. I'm just too darn tired. Although, I have to say, T-Tapp is still kickin' my bum and I'm still lovin' it. I'm really wondering if I got a secret back transplant in the middle of the night or something...aches and pains are VERY MINIMAL these last 5 days. Amazing!Anyway. So, now to the promising title of this post. There are a great many wonderful blogs on the internets that I truly love and I wait anxiously for their owners to post new material and when they do I squeal girlishly with joy. But also, there are quite a few fun websites I enjoy that are not just your typical blog-type thing. (I'm so descriptive.)For example...I've recently discovered Slow Wave, a collection of comics based on readers' submitted dreams. Brilliant! So far, my favorite is this one.I've been spending a lot of time lately searching out fabulous e-cards to send to my friend Amber (hi Amber!). The fabulous website someecards.com has me in stitches. They soooo have my sense of humor. Like this one. Or this one. Or this one. Or especially this one. Also this one. And I can't forget this. This. And this. And this Latin moment for my mom.Okay, I'll stop now. Well, not really, but I'll stop here. In real life, I'll continue to look up more hilarious cards and laugh to myself about them and try to figure out who I can send them to without offending them. ;)I've also started exploring the BBC Science and Nature website with these fun surveys and psychology tests. Great way to waste time! And you can say it's educational, too.There's the famous (or infamous?) Postsecret, where people make postcard art confessing secrets that range from funny and light to serious and life-changing.The English freak in me really loves The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks. It also makes me think of my mother for some reason. =)And Engrish.com, so classic. Hours and hours of my time have been spent on that site. And it was so worth it.And then, of course, I've been spending quite a bit of time lately browsing GoodReads and adding to my collection of books I can't wait to read. I don't really spend much time adding books I've already read, but there's always that option too. Wow, that might take me a looooooong time...That's it for today. Sorry for being a bit flaky. It might be that whole "3 of the last 4 nights I haven't slept" thing. Eh.[...]



Someone help me!

2008-04-23T18:21:47.225-07:00

I've been busy entering the giveaways in the newest edition of the Bloggy Giveaway Carnival, and during this endeavor I came upon a couple of contests involving books. And I just kept seeing recommendations for interesting books, so I went on over to my Goodreads page and now I Can't. Stop. Adding. Books to read!

At this rate, I won't be done with my current to-read list for another decade or so, and by then, I'll have 50 more years of books on the list! =)

Hey, anyone have any good books they want to recommend? I'm always looking...



Reduced to a Meme

2008-04-22T19:18:30.804-07:00

For three out of the last four nights, James has kept me up pretty much all night. Before this, he was down to normally one nursing in the middle of the night, but the last couple of nights, he is thirsty thirsty thirsty so if I don't want to nurse him I have to get up and give him a drink of water...and even that doesn't work all the time. It's been especially hard from about 4-6 a.m., when he is most wakeful, although it isn't as bad as it was in November, because at least he'll stay in bed and not cry...he's just a little fussy and tossing and turning like crazy. At this point I really wish we had a crib to try, but I know my child and I know that would probably just make him miserable. So please, God, let this pass quickly!In the meantime, I bring you a meme from my IRL friend Jerilyn because I'm too sleepy to come up with a "real" post.What Ifs:What if I could meet someone in the art world to chat with?I'm not really sure what this means. If it means only people who draw, paint, sculpt, etc. I would have to go with Van Gogh, because I think he was craaaazy but also fascinating. Or maybe Monet. For some reason I think he'd be calmer. =)What if I could have one wish granted for the benefit of all mankind?Ooh. Tough one. World peace is the obvious answer, so I'll go with something a little different, even though that would be just SWELL. I'll say...I wish I could give them all my mindset and altruism and openness to differences, so then world peace could be resolved on its own! Ha ha ha. No, I don't really take myself that seriously. I don't know. Maybe I'd wish for a worldwide inability to inflict violence on others, so not only would wars cease, but personal violence would be gone as well. Then again, I'd love it if we could get this whole pollution/global warming/killing the earth thing fixed up. Yeah, I'm not very good at choosing just one thing, apparently.What if I could travel anywhere in the world?Then I'd go everywhere! But if I had to limit myself to one place...it's a tie between Scotland and Cuba. So again I'm not good at limiting myself to one. Oops.What if I could live in a period other than the present, for 24 hours?Well, first I'd have to have a working pancreas so I don't feel like total crap the whole time...but then I'd go to Tudor England, DUH! Not only is Elizabeth I one of my personal "most fascinating characters in history" but I know tons and tons of random details about the period.Also, if I went back when Henry VIII was young instead, that might be kinda fun. You know, before he got corpulent and crazy.What if I could become an animal for 24 hours?I'd probably do it. Oh wait. You want to know what kind of animal I'd be? I'd probably be a wasp. Because I always feel like they're stalking me and they want to do me harm, so I'd get to see if they really are as angsty and angry as my vision of them in my head. But for fun I'd want to be a fish or a bird, so I could experience breathing water or flying, that kind of thing. If I was being smart about it, I'd choose to be a big cat because then I wouldn't be worried about something else eating me...plus if I was a cheetah I could experience that whole running-at-70-miles-an-hour thing. Yes, that's right, not even trying to choose just one thing anymore...What if I could bring someone back to life for 24 hours?A little creepy, but okay. I'd probably pick someone I never knew in real life, because that way I don't have to go through all the heartache of losing them all over. So let's go back to that Tudor question...Elizabeth, because I'm sure Henry could inflict plenty[...]



Day Three

2008-04-21T19:44:57.845-07:00

Yes, I did my workout again this morning. I am so proud. Especially since James kept me up again in the night (2 hours, maybe?). Ben really helps motivate me, although he did promise to do it with me and then backed out because HE was too tired. But that just made me feel good that I did it anyway.

So, Day Three of this little experiment can be described this way: owie owie ow ow ow AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. It was TOUGH to get through that workout this morning. But then for the rest of the day my back actually felt straight and my neck didn't hurt and I didn't have a headache either! Since these are symptoms I usually get quite often (most likely from carting around 2 kids under 2 most days), it was nice to be symptom-free!

Although I definitely have that whole "muscles that I didn't even know I had are now very sore" thing going on. Wow.

But I'm looking forward to tomorrow, because the book promises that Day Three is the breakthrough day and it will be easier on Day Four. I guess we'll find out soon enough! G'night.



Day Two

2008-04-20T18:18:06.816-07:00

I did the workout again today. It really makes my back feel amazing and wonderful and NOT SORE. But...today I am feeling the burn even more. Which, I know, is probably a good thing, but whoa. My arms are especially sore, and I am ultra-fatigued. I'm wondering if maybe this is part of that whole "increases lymphatic system function" thing? Like maybe my lymphatic system is really pumping The Bad Stuff out of my body at a higher rate today, so it makes me feel worn out?

Or maybe I'm just worn out because I've done a new killer workout two days in a row. Woot woot!

Or maybe it was the high-low pattern of my blood sugars today...Persistently high-ish for the first half of the day, persistently low for the second half. Yeesh.

I always have trouble remembering to scale back on the insulin when I've had a good workout. Hopefully I can remember this one because I'll do it every day for the rest of the week!

Thank God and T-Tapp for straightening out my back, though. It feels LOVELY! =)

In other news, I sort of hate Sunday nights. Because after Sunday nights come Monday mornings. Boo Monday mornings!

See you tomorrow.



1 Comments

2008-04-19T18:02:10.867-07:00

I recently purchased a book/video set that is supposed to be a "wellness workout." It makes all kinds of grand promises about curing all your aches and pains, helping your lymphatic system work more efficiently, as well as trimming and toning you. It sounds like an infomercial to me. But, as I mentioned when I reviewed the book recently, I know people in real life who also sing its praises, so when it was on sale recently, I bit the bullet.

I was supposed to start working out April 11, the beginning day of a 60-day challenge proposed on the website. But, as I've mentioned before, my life gets in the way of my plans A LOT, and thus I only started today.

And WHOA. In just 15 minutes, I was huffing and puffing and feeling the burn. But luckily, so were some of the people who were on the video! (By the way, don't you love it when an exercise video has normal-looking people on it instead of weird yoga supermodels? This one features an 80-ish lady who rocks the workout. It's great!) So apparently that's pretty much supposed to happen.

But the best part is that now, several hours afterwards, my back is feeling really nice and loose and relaxed and un-achey. So I'm going to try really, really hard to do this video every day for a week.

I'll keep you posted!



Buggin'

2008-04-18T18:59:41.385-07:00

Yesterday was a pretty good day for me. I kept thinking about how I tend to write about the rough parts of my life when mostly my life is pretty great. But then I also kept thinking that it's true that I often get that "Why me?!?" feeling. Like last night, when James woke me up at 4 a.m. and didn't let me fall back asleep until sometime after 6. And of course, I had to get up by 7:30 at the latest because Tyler comes over at 8. So I was sort of screaming in my head about how unfair it was that I STILL HAVE NOT SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT SINCE JAMES WAS BORN! Why are some people blessed with children who ease into sleep like it's no problem at all, and why was I not one of these people?

You know the routine.

(Okay, side note: it's not like James has these kinds of nights every night. He usually "sleeps" all night but I have to very slightly wake up during the night once or twice to help him stay down. There was an entire month where he woke up almost every single night for multiple hours of the night, and I thought I was going to die, but mostly, the sleeping thing is fairly decent...it's just that I still don't get my sleeping needs met, so I'm on an almost-two-year deficit now, and that is sooooooo not good for my health, mental clarity, or sanity.)

So I was feeling good about my day yesterday, but also thinking WHY do all these things keep happening to ME?

And then I went to the bathroom to pee before getting into bed last night. And a bug tried to fly up my bum.

NO, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. A Bug. Tried to Fly. Up. My. BUM!!!

Maybe I'm making too big of a deal out of this. I know that campers are used to having multiple bugs flying around their exposed bums when they do their business, and they probably don't even bat an eye when a bug happens to, uh, butt into them accidentally. But this was beyond the pale for the privacy, serenity, and relative cleanliness of my own bathroom, ya know?

I alternately shuddered and laughed about it for several minutes. Then I went to tell Ben and we laughed about it together. And then I decided it was God's way of gifting me with the perfect thing to blog about today.

Because eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww. But HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Seriously. Why DO these things always happen to ME?



You're my leather couch.

2008-04-17T10:30:51.212-07:00

So here's the thing: I repress my feelings about my diabetes, and I repress my general depression too. Thus, I can be witty and fun when writing about James because that is a part of my life that makes me very, very happy, and I can just shut out all the complications and troubles, at least most of the time.

But then when I come here and try to post, it always ends up so maudlin that I don't feel like I should even write on this blog, because it's depressing and no one would want to read about me and my boo-hoo-hoos anyway.

However, I've changed my mind about that, since I recently realized that this whole diabetes blog thing is really just my own personal psychotherapy (in a very public, whole-world-can-read-along kind of a way). I still feel like apologizing for my boring writing and my depressing posts. But I'll try to hold back on the apologies and just let it all hang out, mind-dump on you here, because I've come to the conclusion that it's good for me. One of the main reasons I get sad is that I am lonely here. Most of my friends and family are far away. I don't get to talk to many of them, and when I do, it's not for long. The friends I have here are great but not necessarily people who want to hear me whining All. Day. Long. as I seem to want to do on this blog.

So, sorry again if you find this boring and depressing. But it's good for me. So thanks for being here for the boring and depressing side of me. I appreciate it. Maybe if I can get through the depressing stuff, just blog it all out, eventually the sunshine will break through and I'll have interesting and fun things to blog about.

Stay tuned?



Same Song, Second Verse

2008-04-16T19:31:42.371-07:00

A little bit louder and a little bit worse?

Here I am, 10:30 at night, just getting the chance to sit down at the computer, finally. And again I am too tired to really think coherently or come up with an interesting post. I had one started, but don't have the energy or mental wherewithal to finish it for you now.

It's so depressing how I never have any time to accomplish the things I want to accomplish. On April 11, I was supposed to start this new exercise routine that I got called T-Tapp, and do a 60-day challenge thing where everyone is participating and so you have that whole group support thing that is supposed to really help...but I haven't even done the workout ONCE! And it only takes 15 minutes to do. It's just that when I do have that elusive 15 minutes of "free time," I want to do something else with it like sleep or just NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.

This is why my house always looks like a nuclear accident site. I am so sick of it, but it takes energy to do anything about it, and that I do not have.

Good night. Sweet dreams. Here's hope for a more pleasant tomorrow.