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Nothing Is What It Seems

Updated: 2018-03-06T17:36:41.944+08:00


1000th Post


who'd have thunk it? i made it this far with blogging. 1000 posts. just on blogspot alone.quite an achievement i must say. or it could just mean i blog waaaayyyy too much. lol.but imagine, i've been blogging for 6 years now. that's pretty crazy style of blogging has changed so much. from writing long essays about my daily life to short posts abt random stuff and thoughts and stuff. a lot of things have changed to. like the sidebar stuff. people have been added, order changed, ads put in and all.i must say it's been really fun blogging. letting out my thoughts and all. and having interesting conversations with people about my posts. makes me think and also makes them think. but i like when people challenge me to think as well.and it's weird, from having one or 2 visitors a month or so, it's grown to about 10 ppl a day. even when i don't post stuff. to some extent it's scary. cuz i used to know who came to read. but now i have no clue. it's like random people are reading! so i learnt to watch what i say as the years went by. and it's weird also, cuz i've found out i got people i don't even know coming back to read what i have to say (yes my dear, this is you i'm talking about. hope your life went better than mine. :) ).so how do i celebrate my 1000th post? i feel like i should do something special. so i'm going to make this post contain all the topics of my blogging i see it, i've probably got 4 ways of blogging: Talking abt daily life stuff (what's going on in my life), Random stuff, Stuff people who read this blog will go "what in the world is he talking about???", Thoughts, and first, daily life stuff. well for me right now, things are going pretty good. back in Malaysia for now. enjoying it quite a lot. started my internship. however they don't really give me anything to do, which sucks la. it's like, they're not sure what to give. so most days i just sit at office and do nothing. yeah freaking 8 hours of doing nothing. haih. but i took off a few days so i could go to Youth Camp and also Family retreat. glad i did. i needed those two breaks. :) got to catch up and spend time with people i haven't seen in a while and got to know ppl better. hmmm. i'm also getting fatter! which is good and bad in a way. good cuz, well i need to put on wait. but bad cuz now all my six packs have become 6 flabs. :( yeah i don't go gym remember? so now i gotta at least do my own exercises to get back those packs! :) i realise also i've got a lot of friends i'm yet to meet up with. other than that, life is going good. this year has definitely been amazing. tons of bad stuff has happened. but some good stuff has happened to. in my life. changed perspective in a lot of things. met ppl i appreciate a lot. appreciated ppl more as well. so yeah. it's been a good year. :) yeah this is all i'll say about my life for now. :)as for the random fact, i guess it'll be, i'm pretty good at board games like pictionary & cranium, where there's drawing and guessing. for some reason i can guess the random nonsense people draw even if it doesn't look like the real thing. i dunno how. but yeah. so apparently... i can read mindssssss. hmmmmmmmmmmm. :)random:i wonder if it'll ever be, k i'll give you what you deserve, even if i don't get anything in return.the stuff you (possibly) won't understand:it's like i'm lying and lying, but i'm not. it's just never come's hard for one thing to mean something, when everything means something, and you treasure everything. (exactly why i just wanted one gf. but if i ever find a girl who likes me and me her, i'll never let her go and make sure she feels like she stands out from everyone else in my life.)i think i'm half letting myself not feel. cuz i know i can feel. that's probably what i'm feeling. it's the fear of feeling and being let down, which for my case, just seems inevitable. which sucks. but i guess that's my life.k enough stuff that people may not understand what i'm talking about. hmm. so thinking time. well not really, but more like, my opinion on stuff. k title? Beating aroun[...]

Last Minute Saviors


the last minute decision to save myself and the life i'm living. hopefully things will work better from now on. but i gotta work for it.

the things you want don't come easy.

stop being lazy ben. fix ur life.

and once again i hold true to the habit of people not knowing everything but a lot of different people knowing different stuff to my story.

but i'm so glad a let that part out. at least now someone knows about it. and maybe i can make an effort to fix it now.

i'm glad for that last minute decision of mine.

just saved myself.

Currently Listening To: Set It Off - Hey Monday

Up To My Limit


i just cannot cannot cannot take this anymore.

everything is just not fair.

I feel the pressure building up inside my head

Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

please please please at least let the talk that's going to happen relieve some of this pressure.

i just want it all to end.

just cannot. everywhere i go it's too much.

Currently Listening To: Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong



it's interesting how ppl make it seem they want something (maybe badly) but make no effort to get that something. at all.

i mean come on, trying isn't doing smth when it suits you or makes it easy for you. it wouldn't be trying then right?

and of course trying means going against all the odds that says u can't have what you want. cuz as i see it, the longer and harder you try, you get what you want.

so maybe if you can't try, maybe you never wanted it in the first place. so, stop saying you want something you don't want.

bloody try. and not only when it's convienient for you alone.

Currently Listening To: So What - P!nk

Patience Limit Of 3


3. that's the number to watch out for.

it's the number of times i'll ask u the same question before u piss me off by not answering.

and actually, answering "i don't want to answer that" is better than totally not answering or avoiding or ignoring the question.

bloody hell, if i have to ask 3 times and u can't answer the question, then sorry la. but i'll just shut you out for a while.

like so hard to answer some not important question like that. don't want to answer just say that la.


yes i know i need more patience. but for now, 3 is the limit.

Currently Listening To: All Time Low - Jasey Rae

You'll Make People Think You're Blind


seriously, it's been here the whole time.

you just never saw it.

or maybe didn't want to see it.

well i guess, sometimes it's best to assume the worst.

and i guess, technically, you can't say i never told you.

open your eyes and see the things you don't wanna see.

and yes, this goes out to all of you.


Currently Listening To: Touchin On My - 3Oh!3

It's Like A Half 'n' Half


(i think the only reasion i'm thinking so much abt this is cuz distance is just way too close, i've got too much free time and since things are all going to end soon i might as well let it all out.)

i honestly can't decide to thank her or not.

it's like, i regret so much letting her into my life. but then again, there's so many things, i wouldn't have done/found out if she wasn't in my life. like all the stupid things i do like, getting drunk, clubbing, smoking, cheating, leading ppl on and the list goes on. though yes granted, she never actually told me or encouraged me to do it, but knowing she does these things, somehow encouraged me/showed me that maybe i'm making a big deal out of everything and i should learn to chill a bit.

i guess in some ways, i do those things so she can see/feel how i feel when she does those things. and back then, i did them so she would learn somehow and change her ways. that was a long time ago tho. i also realised that maybe i did those things, cuz i wanted her to let me into her life. she said shee nvr told me stuff cuz i was too perfect for her screwed up life. so what better way to go into her life than screw myself up so i wasn't perfect right? ah the stupid things we do for the people we think we like.

and i think abt it, and it's like, wow, all these things i literally would never have done if it wasn't for her. so i guess in some way i should thank her for helping me live a little. well even if she never actually meant for it to happen the way it did.

think abt, if i didn't do these things, there's friends i would have never met and got close to, girls whom i can say i had the pleasure of meeting and "getting to know", and experiences which are well, amusing. ;)

yet i know i've completely ruined my "perfect" life and well, i know my future probably sucks from now on. which is why i'm hesitant to thank her. but i guess that's the other thing i learnt from her, ur life is screwed up, so no harm in screwing it up more right?

so yeah, you know who you are, and eventhough i have no idea whether u'll actually read this or not, Thank You. for teaching me to live a little.

oh and everything i've ever said about your friends, i'm sorry. i take it all back. they're awesome.

and i know a lot of ppl are sick of my emoness and what not, so yes, this will be the final post ever about her. it's done.

see ya.

p.s.: it's funny, cuz i spent so long trying to make her a better christian, yet, without her even knowing or trying to, she managed to make me not be a christian. impressive.

Currently Listening To: Lifeline - Angels & Airwaves

My Friends, Are Too Nice


really la. despite being treated so badly, and used and all. they still know how to tell me the right thing to do.

even with my fervent protests of not wanting to, they still advise me to forgive and try to be a friend.

every year i protest and say i don't want to, yet they still say, despite her crappy behaviour, that i should still forgive and try and work things out.

sheesh. now i dunno what to do again.

and ya, my friends are too nice. even though they are treated like crap from certain useless people.

Currently Listening To: S.I.N.G. - My Chemical Romance

Ancient Weapon


k i NEED to go clubbing now.

ugh. cannot tahannnnnnnn.

k nvm. next week.

ah. or i shud just get it the normal way.

Currently Listening To: Right Now (Na Na Na) - Akon

Erase Me Cause When I Get Home, You're So Dead


heard the following song on OTH. and i must say nice song. and lyrics, at parts. :)Erase Me[Verse 1]She said I don't spend time like I really shouldShe said she don't know me, anymoreI think she hates me deep down, I know she doesShe wants to erase me hmmmmmmA couple days no talking, I seen my babyAnd this what she tells me, she said[Chorus]I keep on running, keep on runningAnd nothing worksI can't get away from you, noI keep on ducking, keep on duckingAnd nothing helpsI can't stop missing you, yeah[Verse 2]It's like I'm her new nightmare, she ain't escapingIt makes me feel a bit complete, yeahKnowing someone you love don't feel the same way about yaMemories they soon delete, hmmmA couple weeks no talking, I seen my babyI've missed you so damn much, heyI wish we could start over, I told my babyThis what this bitch tells me, she said[Chorus]I keep on running, keep on runningAnd nothing worksI can't get away from you, noI keep on ducking, keep on duckingAnd nothing helpsI can't stop missing you, yeah[Bridge]Cuz I'm in the magazinesOn the TVNo matter where you are you might hear meI'm in the magazinesOn the TVNo matter where you go you might see me[Verse 3]Uh, I’m YeezyShe said Hi I’m Aria,No! You an angel you wave hi to AaliyahI got a show in KoreaThey built a new arenaWhy don’t you come watch n-gga tear the whole scene upI know I’ve seen you before but don’t know where I’ve seen yaOh I remember now, it’s something I that I dreamed ofDon C said she cool but don’t let her f-ck ya cream upMonica Lewinsky on ya dress take ya to the cleanersSure enough a week later I’m in extra loveAnd everybody know she mine so she extra plugEvery bouncer every club show her extra loveWe just praying the new fame don’t get the best of usBut all good things gotta come to an end-aShe let it go to her head, no not my ariaThe height of her shopping was writers blocking meI couldn’t get my shit out anyway, I hope you die Aria[Chorus]I keep on running, keep on runningAnd nothing worksI can't get away from you, noI keep on ducking, keep on duckingAnd nothing helpsI can't stop missing you, yeahKid Cudi ft Kanye Westand this will be the third time i'm posting this song. but it's just so brilliant. it just says everything perfectly. i listen to it, and i just feel like laughing. at you. :)When I Get Home, You're So DeadThe words are coming I feel terribleIs it typical, for us to act like thisAm I just another sceneFrom a movie that you've seen 100 timesCause baby you weren't the first, or the last, or the worstAnd I've got to fill the blanks in this past with a verseWe could sit around and cry but frankly you're not worth itAnymoreSo say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're underLipstick lullabiesThis is sorry for the last timeAnd baby I understand that you're making new friendsThis is how you get byThe moral this time isGirls make boys cryAnd I...On any other day we'd shoot the boyBut your simple toyHad caused a scene like thatLeave him hanging on the wallsJust a picture in the hallLike 100 moreConsider this as a gift as you taste him on your lipsAnd he's making you scream with his hands on your hipsI hope he's leaving you empty baby this is just a fixFor such a simple. little. whore.So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're underLipstick lullabiesThis is sorry for the last timeAnd baby I understand that you're making new friendsThis is how you get byThe moral this time isGirls make boys cryAndYour name remains the sameAll that has changed is this pretty faceSo pull the trigger (Your name)It never gets closer (remains the same)You want to start overBut never start overPull the trigger (All that has changed)It never gets closer (is this pretty face)You want to start overBut never start overSo say hello to all the boys at the top of this table t[...]

10 More


and with this, it's 10 more. exactly.

then it all HAS to end.

Currently Listening To: Do Or Die - Papa Roach

Oh FB Is So Not Private


and neither is this blog.

which is exactly why the things you don't need to know, there's calls, texts, email, and FB msgs.

and just when you thought you knew it all. ;P

Currently Listening To: MK Ultra - Muse

Zooom Zooooom ZOOOM


Switching from the 4th lane to the slow lane in one move.

140 in an 80 zone.


Shouting at the driver in front of you (and hoping somehow he can hear you)

Weaving in and out of lanes cuz the fast lane clearly isn't fast.

Cutting the red light just as turns.

But then freaking out when you realise there's a police there. and then hoping he didn't see it.

Going on the fast lane then suddenly slowing down when u notice a police in the middle lane.

All this and still being safe. of course. :)

SO SO missed driving. :)

Currently Listening To: You'll Think Of Me - Keith Urban

It Makes Sense And It Makes Me Laugh


seriously, just the knowledge of that one thing, and it makes sense so much now.


and it's funny cuz it sucks to be him cuz he doesn't know what's coming.

and it sucks to be her cuz her life sucks.

and i'm sitting here laughing away at both of them.


run as much as you want from the facts, but it'll always be there.


Currently Listening To: The Sound (John M. Perkins Blues) - Switchfoot

It's Just What Should Be Done


Dropping girls back 101: Always make sure they're safe in their house before you leave.

that's why i always stay back til the girls i drop off are in the house before i leave. cuz just in case someone might come suddenly and try to break into their house while their going in and all.

glad i learnt this when i just started driving and still practice it now. :)

so guys, when u drop ur girls back, make sure they walk into their door before leaving. make sure they're safe. :)

Currently Listening To: Airplanes Pt. II - B.o.B. ft Haley Williams & Eminem

Maybe It's Irritating


I have this irritating habit of asking people stuff i already know.


i can't decide which reason it is.

for one thing, it's to find out whether the person trusts me or whether the person can be trusted to tell the truth.

the other reason would be to find out how ppl know that something. i mean i already know how they know, but i just want to be sure. i always like knowing the origins of things ppl know or how they arrive to a thought.

i think my reasons for this habit of mine is the 2nd reason. well i try to make it that reason most of the time.

but ya somehow i find it irritating.

Currently Listening To: And One - Linkin Park

I Would Say It's The Greatest Thing I've Learnt In My Life


what is it?

this: loving people the way you would love someone like you're in love with them.

there's just something satisfying about truly caring about the well being of someone. whether it's their physical and mental health.

plus, it's also what the world needs more isn't it? people caring for each other?

and when i mean caring, it's like how u would care for your gf/bf/wife/husband/sister/brother. think abt it, these ppl, you supposedly love a lot and would treat and care for them with all you can right?

now if you do that for all the people you love (and on occasion those you don't love), it would just make the world a better place right?

so yeah that's the greatest thing i've learnt. loving and caring for people as much as i can without falling in love with them or whatever. just learning to care for people, cuz a lot of ppl in this world need love.

hmmm. yeah. i dunno. yet another post that didn't come out as i intended it to sound like. oh well, hope you get it anyway.

p.s.: hmm i just realised, this is probably why ppl think i'm together with a lot of girls. cuz i treat them well. lol.

Currently Listening To: The Small Print - Muse

My Friends Are Awesomely Crazy


who else do you know would skip in a circle, singing Sleigh Ride in Mid Valley

or just randomly SIT in a circle outside a shop in Subang Parade.

or start shouting random nonsense in the mall


seriously, if i was not friends with my friends, i'll be just there staring at them, saying "what a bunch of weirdos"

hahahah. but now, on certain occasions, i am one of those weirdos. :)

it's like come back to Malaysia, it's like we own everywhere, go anywhere and do whatever we like. lol.

Currently Listening To: Careful - Paramore

It Was Supposed To Be The One Thing That Works


funny how i let go of the one thing that is supposed to comfort me and make me feel happy/better/contented, and yet, all those things that i need to have a better outlook on life i have now. after letting go and not paying as much attention to it as i have for the past few years.

makes me wonder, a lot.

Currently Listening To: When I Get Home, You're So Dead - Mayday Parade

I Laugh At The Strangest Things


comment on a drummer, snareguy17, who did amazing on his cover of 30 Seconds To Mars' cover of Closer To The Edge.

"What kind of loser username is that?

snareguy17? Pfft.

Please change it to epicsnareguy17."


lol. no idea why i find it so funny. must be cuz it looked like an insult but turned out to be an epic compliment. which makes the whole comment awesome/amusing.

cekap fellas la. both the drummer and the commenter.

Currently Listening To: Closer To The Edge - 30 Seconds To Mars

Speaking Malay


so apparently, i just found out today, that guys can speak BM more naturally than girls.

well, in my life it's true la.

i mean, my sisters, and quite a few of my girl friends, when they speak BM, it's like seriously like damn kayu. it's kinda ilarious to listen to tho.

and then the guys, i rarely ever hear them sound weird speaking malay.

i dunno why that is. it's quite interesting.

but of course, i'm not saying ALL guys speaking malay non-kayuly and ALL girls speak like some mat salleh attempting to speak.

i do know some guys who sound so bad speaking malay and some girls whom you'd think they're malay as well.

so yeah.

just in general mostly.

quite interesting. :)

Currently Watching: Glee Season 2 Episode 8 - Furt

Just The Way You Are


this song, really makes me want to find a gf and sing this to her. bloody amazing song.

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Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don't see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her nails, her nails
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy
She's so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you're searching for
Then just stay the same

So don't even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

The way you are
The way you are
Girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Bruno Mars

Currently Listening To: Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars

It Balances Out Somehow


i realise, how much i text back home.

like if got nth to do, then i'll just go into my room and text ppl.

texting has become a thing to do. lol.

i guess cuz i'm just so malas to play comp.

or got ppl to text back.

come to think of it, i've survived 5 days without my HD. :D

aaaaaaaaahhhhh. i love being back. :)))

coming up next: driving! :D

Currently Listening To: Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong

She Did Bring Up A Good Point


like how long will i stay mad?

i mean, granted i don't care anymore. well sorta.

but when will it all be ok?

well it definitely doesn't seem like anytime soon.

cuz hey, why on earth would i bother with someone who totally doesn't give a damn about apologizing and thinks she's right, right?

i would say the irritating thing is i have to see her everyday, but it really doesn't bother me anymore.

why should i be running?

but most of all, i'm shocked at how arrogant she's being after what she did. goodness, can't believe she's acting as if i'm the one who wrong her and my friends are treating her badly.

some ppl. dunno what to say la.

Currently Listening To: Find My Way Back - Four Year Strong



i'm, quite frankly, one of the most understanding person u'll ever meet.

if u can explain stuff properly and ure true intentions, chances i'll be able to understand what's going thru ur mind.

of course, this doesn't mean that if you stab me, i'm not gonna just say "yeah i understand u had stab me". hell yeah i'll be mad. there's a limit to be being tolerating and understanding.

think about it, how often have i got mad? or is it more like i were to say "i understand what you mean."

i'd like to think that i'll try my best not to misunderstand ppl.

now if i can only get ppl to not misunderstand me. hmmm.

Currently Listening To: The Best Places To Be A Mom - Taking Back Sunday