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Seven's journal

my own private thoughts

Updated: 2015-09-17T07:20:10.700+02:00


Trying to get my problems under control - again


I've never made it a secret that I'm suffering from IBS-D. It's truly a debilitating problem to have but earlier this year I heard of a special IBS-diet and gave it a go!

The most amazing thing is that for the first time in 5 or more years I was free of my problems with my stomache.

I've been eating ordinary food during the summer but now I feel I need to get back on track so from this day I'm back on my IBS-diet. I love this diet because I can live a normal life if I follow this diet. I also hate it because it's a very difficult diet to stay on.

Let me show you what I can eat and drink - I can't deviate from this plan for one second or I have to start all over again. It takes 6 weeks for my body to heal  and to get well once I've started this diet.

• rice, rice flower, rice milk (rice dream), rice cakes

• Soymilk (without flavoring)
• Cornflower, polenta
• Gluten free pasta
• Gluten free crispy bread (not "soft" bread)
• gluten free flower mix

• meat (beef, game, sheep, lamb) - unfortunally I can't eat beef – haven’t really tried the rest of them
• chicken
• white fish

• iceberg lettuce
• cucumber - peeled
• carrot, parsnips
• Tomato
• Squash/zucchini
• Avocado
• Olives
• spinach, nettles
• cantaloupe
• peach (fresh or canned without juice)
• berries (blueberries, lingonberries, cloudberries, raspberries, strawberries, black currant…)

I’ve found out that I can eat bananas without any problem

• homemade jam or lemonade - berries, sugar, water - NO additives
• herbal tea

• Oil
• milk free margarine/butter
• sugar, salt
• Pepper
• green herbs (oregano, time, tarragon, basil, dill, parsley)

This is what I can eat until you're free of all my symptoms, for at least 6 weeks. After that it's time to start introducing other things to eat.

* Oh by the way. I can't eat fried food. Everything has to be boiled or cooked in the oven.

7 different plotlines


From time to time I've heard that there are only 7 different plotlines in writing and I just had to find out exactly what they were so here you go:

[wo]man vs. nature
[wo]man vs. man
[wo]man vs. the environment
[wo]man vs. machines/technology
[wo]man vs. the supernatural
[wo]man vs. self
[wo]man vs. god/religion
Ronald Tobias, author of "Twenty Basic Plots" believes the following make for good stories: quest, adventure, pursuit, rescue, escape, revenge, riddle, rivalry, underdog, temptation, metamorphosis, transformation, maturation, love, forbidden love, sacrifice, discovery, wretched excess, ascension, and decision.

Overlap must be common under this theory. For example, "Rocky" is a story of the "underdog," who goes through a "transformation" and falls in "love" while on a "quest." We're not sure, but we think "Dude, Where's My Car?" touches on at least 16.

There are also claims made that there are seven basic needs to a story line.
1. A hero – the person through whose eyes we see the story unfold, set against a larger background.

2. The hero’s character flaw – a weakness or defense mechanism that hinders the hero in such a way as to render him/her incomplete.

3. Enabling circumstances – the surroundings the hero is in at the beginning of the story, which allow the hero to maintain his/her character flaw.

4. An opponent – someone who opposes the hero in getting or doing what he/she wants. Not always a villain. For example, in a romantic comedy, the opponent could be the man or woman whom the hero seeks romance with. The opponent is the person who instigates the life-changing event.

5. The hero’s ally – the person who spends the most time with the hero and who helps the hero overcome his/her character flaw.

6. The life-changing event – a challenge, threat or opportunity usually instigated by the opponent, which forces the hero to respond in some way that’s related to the hero’s flaw.

7. Jeopardy – the high stakes that the hero must risk to overcome his/her flaw. These are the dramatic events that lend excitement and challenge to the quest.


Oh have mercy!


It never ends! And you would think that the kids closets would be empty by now but that's where you're mistaken - they are still full of clothes.

But the best part is that the only thing I buy is underware and socks.. oh boy do I buy socks! What the frell is wrong with the world when all I find is one sock out of each pair and can't find the other one!

Someone should invent a sockfinder or something fun to do with one single sock! :)

Now I'm off to continue cleaning my home before the kids get home. :)

Surviving post patrum depression


I was just watching an episode of Private Practice and if you don't want to read any spoilers - stop reading this post here and now..

Anyway. This episode was dealing with Violet's struggle to work through a crisis and also struggling with her feelings - or lack of - for her son.

And it felt like someone punched me really hard in my stomache and I couldn't breath!

Nine years ago I went through a traumatic experience and during that same period I had a child - my firstborn, my wonderful son but I wasn't the picture perfect mom as everyone expects you to be and talking or admitting that you feel this way was something you did not talk about - ever!

I did the right things: I fed him, I changed his diaper, took care of his clothes, took walks but with everything that had happen I had a difficult time to connect emotionally with the whole situation. I had a hard time calling myself "mom" and I loved this child but I was not IN love with him so to speak.

It took such a long time for everything to change and even longer for me to feel that I was a good mom and to get over my guilt for not having these maternal feeling from the moment he was born and it still pains me to this day to think about those months 9 years ago because I feel that someone stole them from me and I can never get that back no matter how hard I try!

I love my son more than anything in this world and I'm so proud to be his mother and I tell him that every single day. Not a day goes by without me telling him how proud I am of him and how lucky I have to have him in my life.

My bonds with both of my children are incrediably strong and I couldn't have asked for better children and I know I'm a fantastic mom to these kids. I do make mistakes and I do have flaws like everyone else but you know what - I'm still a fantastic mom! :)

Different sides of my day today.


This is what my food-bag usually contains on a every day basis. Since I don't know if I get to have any meals where I'm going to work for the day I have to bring breakfast, lunch and a snack with me everyday.

I accidentally stumbled upon this as I went to the supermarket today! It's either "fun-sausage" or "ball-sausage".. Kul means both fun and ball in swedish.. it's a little bit like a freudian slip there. I couldn't help myself and I had to buy it! Can't wait for my kids to get home to see this. They are going to freak out!  Big time!

This is my Sunday.


I'm officially done for today! I'm way to tired for uploading new pics and the fact is that my last pic will show what the rest of the night will be like before I finally go to bed.To be honest - I never expected to get this many visitors today to see what we've been up to in my family. My life is far from extraordinary - in fact it's very ordinary but it's my life. :)Feel free to post a comment and hope you'll come back to visit my blog again in the near future./Seven and kids wish you all a good night. :)[...]

A cleansing experience


I haven't been able to lift my knees high enough to get into the bathtub for a week due to a back injury I sustained but today I felt really good about my back and got to take my first bath in a very long time!

It's been a struggle to take showers as well since I couldn't raise my arms up over my head and I also have this burn injury on the side of my stomache and it hurt really badly to get water on it.

But now I took a long, really hot bath accompanied with a deep cleansing facial mask and an oil treatment for my hair! That along with lit, chocolate scented candles!

Oh my gosh! I'm in heaven!

Can you imagine..


What it would be like to grow up never hearing your own mother telling you that she loves you or that she's proud of you. Never getting a single hug or any kind of affection. And also being blamed for everything that went wrong in your mother's life.

That's exactly what my childhood was like and it's still what my life is like today.

I don't think I've spent that much time thinking about my childhood, to be honest it's something I'd rather forget but there are times when something happens and I just have to look back at the differences between my own childhood and of my childrens'.

I was doing the laundry the other day out in the laundry room we have in the area and my daughter brought all of her sand toys out with her and she spent some quality time with her doll in the sandbox just outside. In between sorting, folding and loading another machine with laundry I went out to talk to her.

As she sees me coming she sais: mommy, I want to play with you. Just a simple statement and it's so natural to her to ask me somthing like this.

And it hit me that I never asked my mother to play with me as a child. I spent all of my days alone or with friends never having any alone time with my mother. I don't think I ever told her that I love her simply because she never said that to me.

Emma can come up to me just to tell me that she loves me, she gives me a hug and a kiss and then she's off again.

Everyday I tell my children that I love them and that I'm so proud of them! I tell them how special they are to me and that I'm so lucky to have them. Everytime they do something to be proud of I tell them that they've done a good job and that I'm proud of them.

And if you're reading this blog and you have a child of your own or is close to one - tell this child how much you love him, that you're proud of her and do this at least once a day. Let this child go to sleep every night knowing that it's loved.

There is no greater gift than the gift of love.

Me and the girls at the playground



Let me show you my summer house.



I won


this first part of this trial and the court decided that my kids are going to stay living with me during this custody battle!

It's a huge win for me!



I can't belive what has happend lately.

My ex got our daughter's daycare and our son's school to call the authorities to claim that the kids are at risk by living with me. For some strange reason they believed him and told him to seek custody of the children and that custody fight started yesterday.

Tomorrow we will know where the children are going to live during this time and I hope and pray that they will stay here with me.

I'm so exhausted but I can't give up. Giving up is not an option.

I don't want to loose my children.



I haven't been this tired for a very long time but it's a good kind of tired. :)

I started my new job yesterday and it's been so much fun going back to work with these small children and I truly love my job. This is what I was meant to do, I can feel it all trough my soul. This and being a mother which is the most important job there is - being a parent and raising a child.

I'm not saying that everyone has to have children but if you do - then this is definitly your most important job. It doesn't care if you gave birth to this child or if it came to be a part of your family in some other way, this is your child.

If I could I would love to adopt or to give a home to a child in need since I can't have any more children of my own. That in itself doesn't necessarily mean that I can't have more children living in my home. :)

I'm so sorry!


I know I haven't updated my blog in ages.

I can't say that things are looking up. At one point I was in such a bad state that I couldn't stop shaking. That on top of the fact that the ex tried to take our daughter out from my home by force causing both of my arms being covered with bruises. After that my life was a nightmare. I was afraid to go outside, where ever I was I was always in reach of my phone in case something happend. It was awful.

I'm now on medication due to my depression and anxiaty and finally there are good days in my life too. Doing my best to build up a new life, there are good days and there are bad days. I have accepted that this will take time and I've surrendered myself to letting it do that. For once I'm going to do my best to take small steps and not to rush into getting better.

Regarding my children.


I'm not sure that I will even be able to put down in writing how I'm feeling right now.

I've had my concerns regarding my daughter and today I called my mother-in-law and she told me that my daughter is throwing up a lot and sufferes from stomache aches a lot. I've come to notice this too and she also told me of a lot of other things she had seen and that along with everything that my soon to be ex-husband did to me over the past 9 years made me contact the authorities dealing with children and I've now made a formal complaint regarding the father of my children. I was shaking and crying through out the entire conversation but hopefully he'll get some help to deal with his issues and I can possibly get someone to help my daughter.

This past Friday I also found out that he's seing someone new and today I found out that he's been seeing her for more than 3 weeks now. I'm glad to be rid of him so why does it hurt to find out that he has someone new in his life? I would never ever take him back! But still it hurt.

Signing on..


We moved to our new apartment a week ago today and I'm surprised myself that I've been able to deal with all of this as well as I have lately. My children are doing fine most of the time. Emma does tend to scream a lot more and she's testing me to the extreme at times and Eric is more sensitive than her and he cries more easily.

The thing I was the most worried about was not knowing if I was going to be able to cope with two small children on my own but I felt just as lonely while I was still living with their father. In some way I guess I feel a little happier now. Maybe not happier but more at peace...

Apartment sorted.


I got a call this past Friday about the apartment and it’s mine. It felt like a huge load had been lifted from my shoulders and we’re now moving in about 2-3 weeks. My dad called and offered me his kitchen table, couch and two chairs along with his desk, my mom had been looking for an excuse to buy a new TV so I’m getting her old TV and she is also going to buy something to place it on. A friend has a couple of beds that he needs to get rid of and I’m getting one for myself – everything is more or less taken care of.

But like I wrote to a friend of mine today, all this stress has started to affect my short term memory. I can make plans with someone and then forget what we talked about only an hour or so later. A few days ago I was driving down the freeway like I have done so many times and I missed my exit. I had to keep on driving for more than 30 kilometers before I could find somewhere to get off and to turn back. On top of that I was running out of gas and I didn’t even know if I was going to make it to the next gas station. Luckily I did and we got home safe and sound but an hour later than we were supposed to.

I’ve had the best help I can get from friends and family but I still feel so alone and vulnerable. I don’t know when I’ve slept for more than a few hours at the time at night. The other night I woke up at 4 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I worry about my children and how am I going to be able to take care of them as a single parent. Anyone who knows my daughter can vouch for me when I say that I have a wonderful daughter but she does have a temper like nothing you’ve ever seen before. My son is more delicate. He’s emotional and he is beginning to withdraw himself from everyone. Emma on the other hand couldn’t care less of what is going on but she’s not even 4 so she doesn’t understand but Eric is 7 and he does understand a lot more.
Last night both of my children fell asleep on the couch so we all slept there that night. My back was sore when I woke up but my children really needed to be close to a parent that night so I decided not to take them back to their beds as soon as they had fallen asleep next to me.



I tried calling the land lord this past Thursday but they refused to tell me if the problem with the neighbour was going to get resolved in the near future but I was given a phone number to the man in charge of that neighbourhood. When I called this man I was told that this next door neighbour has been evicted and he is moving out in about a month so I decided to take the apartment.

That same evening I had to tell my children that we are moving. It’s not fair that I had to do all that on my own. I couldn’t help it but I started crying and even though my daughter flat out yelled that she didn’t want to see her daddy I had to try to keep a positive vibe to it all. Of course they are going to see their father as much as possible and the reason to why we’re separating is that mom and dad are only fighting these days and that it’s better for everyone that we live separately but that we still love our children very much.

Eric is talking about moving a lot. It seems like he is looking forward to it. Emma doesn’t say that much but I’ve notice this past few months that my children have changed. Eric is more withdrawn and cries a lot and Emma insists on sleeping on the couch with me and not in her own bed. I can’t say if I’ve seen changes in them these past few days.

I feel like the bad guy here. I can’t say that this separation was my idea or if it was something that had to be done anyway. It was probably a little bit of both.

I still worry about how we’re going to be able to deal with everything as soon as this is over. I’m going to be all alone with my children and I alone have to answer all of their questions and being a single parent full time.

Pay It Forward


I will send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment on my blog requesting to join this PIF exchange. I don't know what that gift will be yet and you may not receive it tomorrow or next week, but you will receive it within 365 days, that is my promise! The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog.

De tre första som lämnar en kommentar till detta inlägg kommer att få ett paket med någonting som jag har gjort och som det står i texten ovan: Kanske inte imorgon eller om en vecka, men du kommer att få ett litet paket inom 365 dagar, det lovar jag och allt du behöver göra är att skicka vidare genom att lova samma sak på din blogg samt såklart lämna en kommentar här!

How much more..


must I endure?

At times I don't feel that I can go on a minute longer. I cry myself to sleep at night and yesterday evening I broke down. I couldn't figure out how to support myself and my two children on the money I get every month. At the moment I'm doing alright but that will only last for a couple of months. I stopped looking at one bedroom apartments and went on to look for a studio. I broke down in tears in front of a friend yesterday but by the end of that conversation I was told that if I ever need help with paying my rent or buying groceries they know of an organisation that is willing to help me out until we can get back on our feet. A huge load was lifted from my shoulders and I'm now looking for slightly larger apartments again as per instructed.

I found one today and I was so happy about it. It's a little out of my price range but the electricity was included in the rent. I went to take a look and it's absolutely great - apart from one small detail: the next door neighbour. After being told what goes on at the apartment next door at night I've decided not to take that apartment and I'm now again looking for somewhere to stay.

At least I've got school and daycare figured out already.

It's over now.


Tonight I confronted him with all the evidence I had on him. He had every chance to come clean before I did this but he just flat out denied everything. He never showed any remorse or took any responsibility for his actions what so ever.

I have no idea of how to tell my children that mom and dad are getting divorced and that we're moving to a new city and they have to change school/pre-school because of all this.

At some point I have to stop crying but I'm not there yet...

Heaven's little angel..


I just got the news that Engla was found dead earlier today.The man who was suspected of taking her - the same person who owned the car that was photographed, the same person who lives just a few hundred meter from where I work told the police that he killed her and he showed them where she was buried. He also admitted killing another woman in 2000 only 20 kilometers from where I live.

Apparently they found her body only a few kilometers from my house and her cell-phone in an area where a friend of mine lives.

I knew that he was in custody this past Friday when I called my son's school and told them that he could start walking home as I was driving home from work. When my son was halfway home I met up with him and picked up his school bag and he wanted to walk the rest of the way. I picked up my daughter from preschool and as I was getting out of my car I saw my son come walking down the road. As he came up to me he told me that he had met an older man walking with a boy and this man had apparently asked my son if he wanted to follow this man home. My son gave me a description of this man so I belive it to be true.

The thing is that kids here are allowed to play outside without supervision when they are as young as 6-7 years old and it's no big deal but now I don't know if I can ever let him go outside to play or walk home from school on his own. A few days ago my son asked if I could drive him to his school because he wanted to look for Engla's bicycle as it was missing. He's been asking about her every day since this happend and only moments ago I had to go downstairs to tell him that they had found this girl and that she was dead. It just broke my heart.

I knew something was wrong...


My son’s teacher came up to me last semester and told me that she could see improvements in my son’s reading but as time progressed I’ve been having this nagging feeling that something was wrong. A few weeks ago I was sitting in the living room and I could hear my son doing his homework and his father was there to read with him. I didn’t pay much attention to what was going on but my son came over to me a few minutes later and I thought I should take a look myself and see if his reading was coming along.

It didn’t take more than a few minutes for me to figure out that my son was cheating while doing his homework. It was hard to tell at first but eventually I noticed that he was letting me to the reading – or sounding the letters in the words for him and by this making everyone think that he was reading.

My husband had the opportunity to talk with one of our son’s teachers this past week and that very same day they had performed a study on every child to see how they were doing and as I suspected my son wasn’t doing that good. As of a few days ago I have been making games and worksheets for my son and we’re working and playing with these to help him and it has to be fun.

I’m going to see if I can get a chance to talk to my son’s teacher in a few weeks to see if they have noticed any improvements by then. Because my husband is dyslectic I knew that one or both of my children could grow up to have the same disability themselves and that is why I chose to take a specific course when I was studying to get my degree in teaching and today I’m so very thankful that I got the opportunity do to that because I feel that I’m more prepared to help my child today than I would have been without the knowledge I got while taking this class.

I'm not obsessed. I promise!


My mom and my sister have both been bugging me to do some work on two websites and they had every right to do so. I was supposed to do this a long time ago but I'd always forgotten to do what I promised to do.

The problem is that I have everything I need but not all in one computer. I've got different programs in either computer and photos in three (some in my husband's computer too). I've got e-mail with instructions on one computer and my ftp-program on the other... you get the drift.

To make a long story short - no one has been able to sit down and eat at our kitchen table and all parents out there cover your eyes now because I'm going to tell everyone that we've been sitting infront of the TV in the livingroom to eat today! :D I know. I'm a terrible mom!

It took me almost 10 hours to get most of the work done today and this is me signing off. *bye*


and yes.. both computers are mine.. *still trying to convince everyone out there I'm not obsessed* ;)

What is going on?


Since I started working at my last job I went to approximately 12-15 interviews for different jobs. And throughout all these 7 months I've been turned down for every one of them.

There was this job that I actually thought that I would get but in the end it turned out that they chose someone else and I was surprised when the same principal called a weeks later asking me to come in and talk to her about another job.

The thing is that I’ve applied for every job available in my area but I’m also figured out that I’ve been blacklisted because I stood up for my child’s rights and my former boss wasn’t to keen on that. This is the reason to why I was utterly floored the other day when I was offered a job only 12 kilometers from where I live and I accepted!

I started my new job this past Wednesday and yesterday everyone working in pre-school went to this amazing lecture! All of the principals were there too.

Today as I was getting ready to go home I noticed that a principal in my area had called but I couldn’t figure out which one. My boss have a number that ends with 25, my former boss – 26 and this number ended with 27. I had to look it up as soon as I got home and I saw that it was a boss that I had sent my CV too but this was a long time ago. I tried to call her back but she wasn’t available.

A few hours she did call back and she wants me to come in for this interview on Tuesday and the strange part is that she saw me yesterday when we were all at this lecture and she knew that I’m working in the general area and she knows that I’m substituting for 3-4 months but she wants to see me any way. This job that I’m interviewing for is a full time job and it’s a permanent job on top of that!