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Preview: Tabatha's Journey

Tabatha's Journey

Started as a Journey of my Quitting smoking.....That worked for a year and I started back. October 7th 2011 I will be starting back on CHANTIX!!!! And blogging about the QUIT!! my blog is mainly about my life and the struggles of raising three kids two

Updated: 2016-09-08T00:31:46.030-04:00




So he did it. June 1st 2013 this is what I witnessed!!! (image) So proud of my Boy!!

Shall I eat my words and swallow now?


So Its been a long time since I blogged. I have some words I must eat. My son who quit school last march decided to go back. He has been attending the acheivement school and on June 1st he will walk across the stage and get his diploma. I couldnt be any more proud of my son then I am right now. he took almost a whole year off school went back and in less then a 4 month period has enough credits to graduate with his class. I am one proud momma

Im just sad


So today is rainy and dreary.
About a month ago my oldest son came to me
we talked about the troubles he was having
at school. He has struggled for many years
now at school. He has been bullied....picked
on....treated like crap.
He was behind in every class he could be behind
in. He had been sleeping his way through school.
He is 18 and really I as a mother cannot
do a whole lot. Yes I could try talking
to the school..but honestly this has never
worked before. Teachers were giving
him a hard time. He was at his breaking
point. He said mom I dont know what to do...
I feel like im going to break. So him and
I talked. I tried calling his guidance counselor
at school but she wasnt in. this was on a thursday.
well on Friday I got a call from one of the other
counselors. She said that a teacher had come in
and was worried about Tyler. I told her I too was worried.
that he seemed to be falling into a deep deep deep
depression. I told her the things Tyler and I had
talked about. She suggested since there was no
school on monday that on Tuesday I not send
Tyler to school but call and make an appointment
with his counselor. So that I did. She gave Tyler
his options. One was to go to school every other
day attend Choir and shop and then work on credit
recovery the rest of the time. Two he could
sign up for what I call "loser school" it is
where they send the trouble kids when they dont
want to deal with them anymore. Then the last option
was withdraw and work on GED on Tuesday and thursday night
so she told him go home think it over. Then call her next
day with decision. So that is what he did he came home
and thought it over. He called her the next day and informed
her he was withdrawing.
:-( I feel as though I failed my son. I should have
done more I should have fought harder for him.
He is now in GED clsses and took the pretest the other
day and the teacher informed him he passed two parts
but has to work on grammar. She seems to think in maybe a
little over a month he can take his test.
I can only hope and pray once he get the GED that he signs
up for some college courses. I dont want him to give up just at
the GED....Its not enough anymore.
Im just sad I wont see him walking down the aisle in his
cap and gown :-(

short update...


I figured I should post a quick post....
I'm doing good. No bad episodes.
Went to lung Dr last month he diagnosed
Me with hypersomnia. Put me on mess
For that. In other words I was sleeping
Wayyyyy to much so these mess help
me stay more alert and awake when
I need to be awake. So far so good.
he also says that my problem is more copd
Then asthma.
But that's it for now.

Ps....bought a kindle fire......I'm lovin it!



This is the day my life changed.I woke early at like 530 amI felt fine. I got the kids offto school and I was talking on the phone with a friend. I got off the phone with her and had to make a fewother calls which i did. Well all the sudden I started havingbreathing problems. So I used my nebulizer which normally would helpand I would take the treatment and go about my business and be ok. Not this morning. I took the treatment and my breathing was still no betterso I got in my purse and grabbedthe rescue inhaler in hopes that would help. I started anothertreatment and I yelled as best as I couldfor help from the husband to get dressedand take me to the hospital. at this point I with each breath could feelmy airway closing. I knew I was in BIGtrouble. I went out on the porch thinkingthat the cool air might help me which againdid not. So I grabbed my purse and I headed to car. I got in hubby in the driver seat and I toldhim to hurry that I was dying. He said Noyour not and I in turn said Yes I am...........That was the last thing I remember.......everything went black everything else is just what everyone else told me........Hubby got to the hospital which is less then a block and a half from my home.....He got out ofthe car and went to get help to get me out of the car he knew he couldnt get me out on my own. At this point he thought I was still breathing.He came out with someone from ER and they pulled me from thecar and they laid me on the sidewalk and the gentleman who came to help proceeded to give me CPR. I was unresponsive,no breathing.....lips blue I was in respiratory failure...I was dead.Hubby says the next few minutes were crazy.they cut my clothes off.finally got me back to breathing.I vaguely remember waking and my sister beingat the end of my bed. I dont know what she wassaying to me. I remember a guy to my left with a blue shirt and blue hat he was telling me to calmdown and try to breath slower and I remember the dr voice saying we are going to have to do somethingor we are going to lose her. from what my family tells me they mentioned in the roomthat they were going to helicopter me to indy. I do not recall hearing or even telling them no. but I guess I husband overruled and signed the papers and they calledfor lifeline.I vaguely remember hearing the sound of the helicopter for about 30 seconds. I went straight to Indiana University Healthmethodist in Indianapolis to the ER there to wait a room in the ICU unit. I guess my legs were kicking and I was being a real ass but I againremember nothing about it.I woke up at 215 am with all kinds of tubes in my mouth and a iv in my chest. They had my hands tied to the bed. Onlyperson left there was my husband. The nurse was in the room and she told me where I was what had happened and what would be going on from there. THey called respiratory in and he turned down the vent and gave me a breathing treatment. THey eventuallyturned vent off and left the tubed in til 5 something that morning.Finally they took it out and I was on my own.that was on monday I got to come home on wednesday even thoughthey wanted me to stay until Thursday I begged to go home.I wanted to be with my kids in my I had to prove I could walk down hall and stay above 90 with no oxygen on. SHEW they sent me home.I have been recovering since. I cannot lay down my chest and ribs hurt so bad. i sleep n the recliner. My days consist of eating whatsomeone brings to me. Watching TV and playing games on facebookDR says could be another 6 weeks before Im back to normal. ok so I needed to share. more soon. Im tired.[...]

Happy 40th to me!!! And happy 2 weeks no smoking!


yeah so today I am 40!

Still on the chantix and NOT SMOKING!!!

more soon.

First day of the rest of my life.....


So today is quit day.

I woke at 515 am this morning and began my day.

745 all kids are gone to school.

8am....why am I shaking so bad? I dont really want a cig but Im shaking like mad! Is this withdraw from the nicotine? UGH.

10am....Had to take a trip to walmart. Got some mints and gum! Shaking isnt as bad as it was at 8.

More updates throughout day 1



Well one week of chantix down.

I quit tomorrow.

Last ciggie before I go to bed.

I wake in the morning.....No ciggie.

I can do this



So today i took my first chantix pill.

1 week from today I will be smoke free!!!

Praying that I can do this.

One week from tomorrow.......


So today I went to the dr offfice and picked up my Chantix.

I start the meds tomorrow my quit day is October 14th. PAYDAY!!!

So I am super excited to be going down this road again. I sure hope and
pray that it works. I so need to quit not only for my health but my kids
they need me. My son (tyler) has cried and cried over worrying about if
I will live a long life.

So.....Since the journey begins again I am going to start blogging about
the quit. I hope I get more people reading my blog and commenting.
as those of you who have quit the more support the better.

Well more tomorrow night ;-)



So its been a while figured I should update as to what has been going on.

1. My breathing has been gradually getting worse. I have been off and on prednisone.

2. The dr put me on paxil for depression anxiety panic attack and also PTSD

3. The kids are growing way to fast.

4. Im almost 40 shhhh dont tell anyone. lol

5. Im just about to start chantix again.

YAY Number 5 is my favorite. I contacted Pfizer the company who makes chantix and talked with them about the fact that my insurance does not cover the meds. So they told me of a help program where I can get the meds for free if I qualify and so they checked it out and yes I do. So I had my dr who put me on the Paxil and she filled out the paper work so now Im going to be starting Chantix within the next cpl weeks. I so want to quit I am over the cigs and hopefully this time will be it.
Tyler has been havin a hard time with my health and he is so worried about me. I have to do this not only for me but for my kids and for terry. I feel like I am being unfair to us all by not trying again. I have to be successful this time and give them up!!!

Its the best thing I can do for us!!!

Well.....more updates soon. Hopefully those meds come in soon and I can start blogging the quit ONCE again. Once and for all this has to be it no more cigs!!!



ok so the last couple of days have been rocky for me.

I suffered something as a teenager no girl should ever have to suffer.

I have come to realize by speaking with my sister and a couple other people I have not come to terms with what happened!!!

I am seeking help to assist me in finding ME again.

Somewhere over the years I have lost the true me!!!

I need to find that person again!!!

well enough for now.

More soon................

just dont know anymore....


Ok So yesterday I had sort of some kind of break down. And since......I dont know I just dont feel like me.
What I am trying to say is I just feel weird.
things are so stressful right now.
Gas prices up
food up
looming layoff for terry
Bills have gone higher

My health sucks!
I just dont know anymore.

thoughts and prayers


my thoughts and prayers are going out to those in Japan and those affected by the

terrible earthquakes and Tsunamis that have happened this morning.

May the lord spare others from harm and danger <3

sooo whats been happening


wow I am really far behind.

Just so all knows I am fine!!!

Had a surgery but it went well and Im mended from it.

kids are good

we moved yet again

Im still fighting disability

so yeah thats it!

newest medical updates


I know its been awhile since I last posted!
Still been having the chest pains but they keep saying stay on the Meds!
I'm getting ready to go to an ob doctor for.a consultation to get a uterus ablasion! ( I know that is probably NOT SPELLED right) mother nature has Been quite mean as of lately!
O also have a problem with my right knee bursitis is what it is called

This is a short post as I'm doing other from my phone its a chore let me tell ya!
More soon

Medical Update 11/17/10


Ok so as I said before I was having a stress test lexiscan done. At least I think I said that. Anywho I had it done.
Got a call from my Dr that I needed to be seen by a cardiologist ASAP. So I found one that I was pleased with . He is from a leading Heart Hospital here in Indiana called Indiana Heart Hospital. He comes to Greensburg to our hospital for regular Dr visits.
He went on to explain to me that apparently in my Lexiscan Stress test it shows a possible blockage in one or more artery. So He then tells me.....HEART CATH. I almost fainted right there. WTF I am only 39!!! Im not ready for all this shit. I am scared at this point. I know the man had to see the fear in my face as he helped me pick my chin up off the floor. He then explained things to me in great detail. This was on the 11th I seen him. I had to come back on Monday and get some papers filled out for terry to be able to be off work the day I have the heart cath done.
So this monday I went to the dr and had the papers filled out and she gets on the phone calls INdiana Heart to schedule the cath. FRIDAY the 19th!!! I am like WOW that was with a quickness.
So friday after I put my kids on the bus I will be leaving for Indianapolis for the heart cath. If everything goes good and there is no blockage then....I get to come home. IF there is a blockage and it requires a stent it will be done right then and I will stay over night.

Soooo I am scared to death. Can't sleep unless I am completely exhausted. Grrr..

well I will post after the events!

New Glasses


So yeah Im getting older and of course I need glasses so I went to the eye dr and got me some really cute glasses. At a really Cute price ;-) Since insurance only pays a small portion I had to pay the biggest part. Hubs wasn't at all upset. haha

Stress test and results


So I went to the Dr a couple of weeks ago and told him about these chest pains I been having. So he sends me to have a lexiscan done which is a stress test without having to use the treadmill. I tell you that was an awful experience. I would never wish that test on my wort enemy. First off you go in and you have a IV inserted into your arm. Then they put medicine of some sort in and then you wait 15 minutes. then you have this 20 minute xray type thing done. Then they move you to cardio where they inject this medicine in that is for stress to put your heart under stress. Within 2 seconds of that medicine going in I thought for sure I was dying. There has to be a dr present when they are giving these meds. Anywho.....My breathing was all whacked out, I felt like my head was going to explode my heart was hurting felt like a million mules kicking the shit out of me. My whole body just felt blah. I told them I didn't like the feeling. All the while they are running a ekg. She told me it would be over in a couple minutes and it was all but the headache it stayed all darn day. Then back to xray for 20 minutes of that xray thing again. AWFUL I tell you AWFUL.
Soooo anywho I was awaiting these test results and finally today I get a call from the Dr office. The nurse then tells me I have to be seen by a cardiologist because I had some abnormalities in my test. I am scared shitless at this point. I dont like there being something wrong with my heart. So now its gotta wait until thursday for them to make me an appointment so that I can be seen by this dr. On a good note the dr I will be seeing is from the Indiana heart hospital. Which is great because they are like the leading drs here in Indiana for heart problems. UGH I am just really scared.

So now on top of knee that needs replaced and major back pain now I get to add a heart problem on top. And I can't get disability WHY?


those sorry ass people at the Disability office better get their heads out of there asses and give me my damn money

Getting Involved......


SO a few weeks ago there was a teen here in my county that hung himself. He was an outcast to many and was picked on something terrible. Word has it that his home life was not much better. This child had called the police the evening he hung himself and told them to come he was giving his mom problems.The police in turn only called the mother and she said there was no problem so they didn't go. Shortly after this boy hung himself. His mother found him hanging from the rafters in the horse barn. This boy was made fun of not only because he was different in size and stature but because many people believed he was gay. Noone knows the real truth why he hung himself but many speculate it was because of the bullying he lived through on a daily basis.

Sooooo after all the local news stations were here and portraying our schools and the county as a horrible place. I am alumni of this school. I have pride in that school and am proud my kids go there now. SO after the news stations and the death and many parents calling the superientendant has set up a committee this committee is made up of leaders....Parents.....and will eventually involve students.
Last night was our first meeting. I look forward to helping open the eyes of many on the issues our community and schools face. First and foremost I look forward to helping in making sure these kids in our community feel like they have a voice. They should be heard they should feel safe going to people when they need help.
The school board has set up 2 public sessions on helpful programs. Parents and teachers are also going to go through bullying prevention training.
Personally I believe the bullying starts at home. If you as a parent preach hate then I believe when your child goes out they are going to feel as the parent does. If you teach your children that people are equal they will feel different. I believe this all starts at home.

so I will update on the happenings of the committee that I have joined. I think it is important for others to read what is going to happen in Greensburg Indiana

What I've learned over the past couple weeks....


1. If you know someone is sick and you care about them...Go visit OFTEN

2. Never Never Trust that people are going to keep their word because it can backfire

3. God Never fails. He is always there he will not turn his back on you!!

4. Family is just as evil as your neighbor!

5. Trust in yourself because who else do you have to trust.

6. There are people out there who do care!!!

7. Refer to all above ;-)

Good Morning!!!!


I really am still alive. Just haven't updated this thing in forever!!!

So whats been going on.....

May 19th 2010 went to court for disability! No answer as of 6/14/10!

6/14/10 got a call from the drs about oximetry test....I am now on 2 liters of oxygen at night while I sleep through bipap machine. Apparently my oxygen was only at 79% while I slept during oximetry test!!!

So yeah thats about it

Kids are outta school for the summer.

I am trying to keep my head high and hope for the best with this disability thing. I just pray and hope daily when I go to the mailbox something is there!!!!

thats all for now!

more soon

PS diet is going well. so far a weight loss over 20 lbs



So this afternoon I go to the surgeon to have a mole removed could possibly be cancerous....Im scared to death.

Injection #3


omg it hurt sooooo bad.....but only 1 more and they are done!!!!


2nd visit to lung dr.....


So today I visted Dr Bansal. He is an awesome dr. He had the results of my PFT well without meds my lungs function at 46% with meds they only function 53%. Not much of a jump. But he is sending me to have a gi test done to see the size of my hiatal hernia to see if maybe it is cause of some of my problems.
He is trying to get me set up for my BiPap machine as well.

I go see him in 6 months.

DIet is going well. Im down 12 pounds in a month with NO exercise.