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Preview: Facing New Life as a "Born Again Diabetic"

Facing New Life as a "Born Again Diabetic"





Updated: 2016-10-17T03:19:42.126-05:00

 



World Diabetes Day: The Late Edition??

2010-11-16T11:59:18.089-06:00

I know, I'm a week or so late for the diabetes blogathon, and I know that I have not blogged since July (?!?! Really!!?!). I DON'T know what my deal is. I'm in a slump of sorts. I've been trying to figure it all out for months. Maybe it's because before I got pregnant, I didn't really have a good diabetes routine. I didn't focus much on it. I checked here and there and bolused along those same lines, but it wasn't a focus for me. It was just there, and I had to deal with it to function, but it was certainly not a priority. It was certainly not the priority it became once I was pregnant... maybe the better term would be obsession. I obsessed over it. I checked 25 times/day the first two days I found out I was responsible for another life. I cried when I had blood sugars of 130 for more than 30 minutes and I checked my CGMS every 10 minutes, at least, even when I settled down a bit. It was easy, though. Well, not easy, but it was worth it. All of the time, dedication, the finger pricks, the huge CGMS needles, the site changes... all of it was so worth it. It was for her. So why can't I do it for ME? Well, here are my 6 things I'd like for you to know about diabetes, and they do all somewhat run together, but here they are:1. There are no real rewards. Sure, living, and especially living without complications, is a reward. But it isn't tangible. It isn't like we get a gold star or a tootsie roll at the end of a hard day's work. And even then, it isn't a guarantee. Even if I do everything I should, I could still have complications, and diabetes could still kill me.I think that is why it was easy when I was pregnant...I was working toward a goal, a very tangible, perfect little reward. But now, and before? Well, I am already living, and shouldn't that just be a given? That I get to continue living, without having to FIGHT for it every.second.of.every.day...2. It doesn't stop and it will never end. ...Diabetes is all day, every day, there are no breaks, and there are no vacations; the further you try to run, the harder it will hit you. There is no escape. It's always on my mind. I'm always calculating, wondering, and waiting. I never know when my next low will hit me, when the next time I'll be shaking all over, unable to focus or think clearly, covered in sweat, and faced with the fear that this may be the one that gets me... 3. It is scary....This may be the one that knocks me unconscious, the one that I'll never wake up from. The one that will leave me helpless, and maybe I'll have my daughter with me, or maybe I'll be alone. Or maybe it won't be that quick, maybe it will just debilitate me, leave me blind, or require amputations, or dialysis... These are not always conscious thoughts and I certainly don't live in fear... but the reality is always there, no matter how deep I try to bury it, and that reality won't go away, no matter how hard I try...3. It is HARD....To do well is far from easy. It takes a lot of effort, a lot of time, a lot of thought and calculation. You have to always be on your A game, never slacking or losing track. There is no mindless snacking, or getting too busy to eat. Things that other people take for granted are the things that keep us alive. One wrong move, one guesstimation that is off can send us spiraling out of control. So we have to be determined, and dedicated and check check check to make sure we're on track, but that is no guarantee that we will be. No matter how hard we try, there is no such thing as truly getting it right...4. I'm never in control and I'll never really get it right. ...Even when we're at our best, we're always susceptible to things going wrong: bad sites, bad insulin, wrong calculations, getting sick, and the list goes on. The fact of the matter is that there is no such thing as total control. We are never really in control of anything... Diabetes always has the one up. So sometimes I just don't feel like fighting it anymore. What's the point if it's a losing battle, if it's a battle I can't win...5. The fight is worth it a[...]



Life After Baby....

2010-07-19T12:02:31.953-05:00

Wow, what a complete whirlwind the past several months have been! Kate is now 3 1/2 months old (or 15 1/2 weeks :)). She is growing like a weed and she somehow gets cuter every day! I love being a Mommy, yet somehow it still doesn't feel quite real. I was talking to Brad about this yesterday. I never thought I would get pregnant, either because I couldn't or because I shouldn't, but I did and I had the most amazing, uneventful pregnancy imaginable which resulted in the most perfect miracle I could never have dreamed up myself. I find myself looking at her sometimes and just wondering if this is all real, but it really hasn't hit me yet. I don't think I've absorbed the magnitude of what has happened in our lives... Considering I have not slept through an entire night since Kate was born (and only once have I slept for 6 hours in a row!), I still cannot form complete sentences that make any sense, I reread typed words and sentences and realize nothing makes sense and words a mismatched and misspelled (sorry about that), and I find myself unable to speak of much other than my precious daughter, you'd think it would feel real... but how do you erase a lifetime (or so it feels) of doubt about whether this day would ever come? Please don't get me wrong, it's a good feeling, a comforting one and I cherish every minute of my time with Kate. Sometimes I just look at her and my eyes well up with tears and I think my heart is just going to explode with love for her. I try to soak every moment in, because I also know that I may not be able to give her a brother or a sister one day, for all the same reasons I thought I'd never get the honor to meet her and be her Mommy. I also know that just because she is here now and she is no longer dependent on the constant care of my body to help her to grow and thrive, that she is still dependent on me and to ensure that she can grow and thrive in this world, I have to continue to take care of myself. I also know that I don't want her to watch me neglect my diabetes and then have one of my greatest fears come true, that she is diagnosed with diabetes as well. I know that regardless of if she is diagnosed, I have to be a role model for her, just in case. If she is diagnosed, I want her to know that there are worse things, and that diabetes doesn't have to be so bad, because, heck, her Momma has it and is doing just fine. I want her to know that life with diabetes is still life, and a heck of a good one. I also know thatI want to stick around for a while, and to do that, I have to make sure that I am taken care of. I've got years and years to watch my baby grow up and transform from a tiny baby, to a sassy little girl to a strong woman, and then one day, to a Mommy herself. I want to watch her and support her through it all. But my goodness is it hard! It's something I didn't read about or hear about when talking about pregnancy and diabetes, although I suppose I should have figured it out. I will say, that keeping up good control after giving birth and welcoming this tiny little baby into our lives is HARD and my diabetes is once again on a back burner. After being so diligent, I am amazed at how quickly I've forgotten it. I suppose my main problem is that I feel like I don't have time to check my blood sugars, especially when I have a crying baby on my hands. I feel like I can't just put her down to check, especially if she needs me or if she's busy talking away and laughing at me. I don't want to miss a moment, even to check my blood sugars. I am also still breastfeeding, although I was never able to do so exclusively, unfortunately. I often wonder if my out of whack blood sugars had something to do with that... Gaining control of my daibetes is something I've been really trying to work on over the past several weeks; I know it is important. I mean, if I want another baby one day, my future child will depend on it. And Kate still depends on it, too. She will always depend on me to step up and take care of myself, no matter how tired I am, or distracted I am. She nee[...]



Back to Work After Baby

2010-06-28T14:45:37.888-05:00

Whew, what a whirlwind the past three months have been!! There is so much that I want to write and talk about, but who knows if I will ever get the time or opportunity... I hope I do! These include more details on how my c-section actually went down, and some about the recovery, a lot about breastfeeding, and even more about being a new mom with diabetes (whoo, and is it harder than I thought it would be!!).

I feel like I have barely had any time to keep up with all of my wonderful OC friends and now that I am back at work... I will actually have time to do that! (Sad, huh?) At least that is one thing that I am actually excited about with my return... It has been pretty hard so far, though. I came back last Wednesday, and have cried every day since, even when I think I won't. Kate is at daycare, and I think she is happy and doing well there, but I miss her so much. I hate that I am not there to see her perfect smile, her wonderful pout, and even those sad little tears. Its hard knowing that I am missing it all... The thought is always in my head that I was so blessed to have had Kate, but can I really hope for more?? I suppose that fear of not being able to have children never goes away, even after our first little miracle has arrived safe and sound.

In other news, I love being Kate's Mommy... I am figuring out all of her little quirks and getting to know her wonderful personality. She is starting to "talk" and laugh and is the most precious little thing. I can't believe she is old enough to do most of the things that she can now do, because I still feel like she should be this tiny little newborn! It's true, they really do just grow before our eyes!
Here are some new pics of my beauty:
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The Diabetes Side of Things

2011-11-27T20:35:10.829-06:00

I suppose the best time to blog is probably in the wee hours of the morning, after Kate's middle of the night feeding... how did it take me so long to figure that one out?!

I want to blog more about how the diabetes side of things are going since I've really neglected doing that. I want to eventually write about how the c-section went and then the first few days with Kate, but really just haven't had the time to do it!

Speaking of time, I feel like my diabetes has really fallen away from my focus now that I have all eyes on Kate. I feel like I don't have time to check like I should and sometimes even forget to bolus for food... I mean, how long does it take to check my blood sugar and bolus with my pump?? It's just hard because I usually have her in my arms, so it makes it pretty difficult.

Kate is 9 weeks old today and is only napping for a grand total of around an hour to two hours at the very most during the day, so I have very little time for myself! I don't know how she is getting so little sleep, but she is!

I am really trying to make diabetes part of my focus again throughout my day, because it is important and necessary, especially since I am still breastfeeding. I want to be around for my little girl, and would like to eventually have a couple more little ones, but I have to re-focus and get back on track!



The Most Beautiful Smile I Have EVER Seen :)

2010-05-30T21:02:53.567-05:00

I know, I know, it has been way too long since my last update!! I have tried updating before, but it takes so long to type my updates out (several days) that they have been deleted, and for some reason not saved in drafts, before I could post them!! I guess that is what my new life as Kate's Mommy is going to be like :)Kate is 8 weeks old!! I just can't believe it! I feel like just in the past week or two she has grown so much... we've watched her transform from a tiny little newborn to a chunky precious baby! AND over the past several weeks she has slowly begun to work on her beautiful smile and started showing us little bits and pieces of it last week when she showed off her final product... and goodness is it beautiful! She's starting to laugh now, too. It is amazing how from the very moment I wake up in the morning, my main goal for the entire day is to see Kate smile!She is also starting to coo and talk to us, which is so much fun. The first time she did it several weeks ago, I was so taken back by how much I loved the sound of her precious voice!! I was looking forward and excited about her cooing, but I had never thought about the sound of her voice as one of her "firsts" to look forward to! What an absolutely beautiful sound that ! Kate had her two month appointment and she is now 10 pounds and 3 ounces and is 22 1/2 inches long. We went with our list of usual questions, one of which always includes "how cute is too cute?" but I know the answer to that one :) We have also been traveling and making sure Kate is getting out and about. We've driven the hour and a half to spend some time with my parents when she was 3 1/2 weeks and then a week or so later again when our a/c went out at our house (see Kate without a/c in her bouncy chair... in her crib for her night without a/c on the left; she sleeps this way every night, although usually covered up) and also the 5 hour drive to see Brad's parents. It was so much fun and it was so wonderful to get out of the house!! I never thought I would enjoy just getting out and seeing the light of day as much as I have!! Kate has also continuing to roll over, which still just amazes us! Brad loves to show everyone her neat little trick and we are just so impressed with her. She still continues to amaze us with how strong she is and how well she holds her head up. She is also so alert! We recently took our first Mommy/daughter trip to Wal-mart and she just looked around at all the colors and things the entire time! She loves getting out of the house, meeting new people, and unfortunately, she seems to really enjoy shopping!! She is just so good and is a wonderful joy! I can't help but have this crazy, scary feeling that she will be crawling and moving before we know it!! Yikes!! :)So, that is some of the things we have been up to. I will make sure to try to update you all more often, but it really is so hard! Kate is only taking two or three 30 minute to 1 hour naps during the day (but has been sleeping 5 and the 4 hours during the night!), so that leaves me with very little time to do much (I now have a toothbrush/toothpaste downstairs, as well as upstairs)!! But, I wouldn't rather be doing anything other than spending my days with her... waiting for that smile!Please know that I do think about you all very often and the only reason I am looking forward to returning to work is that I will have more time to catch up with how you are all doing, as well as share more on what is going on in our lives. I really do miss you all!! [...]



Almost one month later...

2010-04-26T14:34:31.515-05:00

I cannot believe that my baby girl is almost a month old already!! Time really does fly and it makes me sad that she'll never be this little again, but I know we have so much fun ahead of us!We are doing well and enjoying our time together while I am home (yep, already dreading the return to work :( ) and we trying our best to figure out the Mommy and Daddy thing ;) She's made it this far, so we must be doing something right!! Brad is an absolutely wonderful Daddy and Kate has him wrapped around her very long little finger already! Brad has a way to make Kate fall asleep and is so gentle with her; he can even make her stop crying by, get this, holding her tiny little hand!! They definitely love their Daddy/daughter time and I love watching them!Kate is such a joy and is a wonderful baby. She makes us laugh and smile all day (and night) with her feisty little personality and all of her funny faces and little grunts...and boy are there lots of them! My favorite is when she yawns really big, and then she follows it with a long grunt and a face scrunch, all in one silly flowing action. She is also so alert and will open her eyes wide and just gaze around her. I know she can't see much quite yet, but you'd swear she could. She is also so strong! She cranes her head back and turns her head from side to side and she can even roll from one side to the other. She can hold her head up for an impressive amount of time and can even lift her little body off of us when lying on our chests....and has been for a couple of weeks!! We definitely see a lot of determination and a dose of stubbornness in her, too. Kate is definitely a spunky little thing and is just so full of amazement. Every day we are so incredibly in awe of her and we are already so proud of every little thing she does!Breastfeeding was a challenge at first, but we are doing better now... it is definitely one of the most difficult things I've ever done, mainly because it was so important to me and I had no clue what to expect, so I was constantly second guessing myself. What I thought was an inability on my part to satisfy her ended up being her love to pacify on me! Introducing a pacifier was a lifesaver for us, even though I was extremely hesitant at first, since "they" say you shouldn't! But, she does fine with it and I am feeling better about all of it. We do still have to supplement her with a few ounces of formula at night, but we are trying to stop that, too... although, we will see how that goes!Even when there are no more lights in the sky and all is quiet in the world except for in our little house, we can't help but smile and laugh at our precious little Kate. What an awesome adventure we are now on, one that I am sure will bring lots of ups and downs, but mostly lots of love and happiness in our hearts and in our lives. Brad and I are just so thrilled to have Kate with us and we cannot wait to see the little person that she will become!Thank you all for your love and support and we can't wait to share this incredible new journey with you all!P.S. - If there is anyone out there who has questions about diabetes and pregnancy, or just questions about life with baby, please please don't hesitate to let me know. I am certainly no expert, but I am happy to be an open book about my own experiences!![...]



Baby Kate is here and goodness is she a beauty! :)

2010-04-04T12:12:10.736-05:00

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That's her furrowed brow expression at 2 days old...oh Mommy and Daddy are in BIG trouble!

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Whooo, what a whirlwind it has been... Kate is napping and I finally have few minutes (seconds...??) to catch everyone up. I have not watched tv or been online since her birth... and no I can't imagine what I've done all that time either, especially since only 2 -3 hours/day has been sleeping... so here it is, my precious girl's "birth story":

Kate arrived on March 31 at 12:42 weighing 6 pounds 8 ounces and is 19 3/4 inches long. She's beautiful and more than I could have ever imagined! I went ahead and decided to have a c-section due to a more controlled environment and my retinopathy. You were all right, even though I was extremely scared of the surgery, it wasn't so bad after all and once I saw my beautiful daughter, it didn't matter anyway.

I am having trouble breastfeeding and it has been quite a challenge... one of the things I wanted most was to be able to breastfeed, but it doesn't seem to be coming naturally for me. I've gotten about 2 hours of sleep each night since she's been born (is that normal?!?) and am pretty tired, but trying as hard as I can. I am not giving up easily, but know that it may not work out... she is continuing to root around even after I feed her and never seems to be satisfied, but i don't know if it is lack of milk or if she is starting to pacify herself at the breast because she frequently falls asleep right when I put her back on. I guess we just have to figure it all out and I keep telling myself that regardless of what happens, she will be okay.

I just wanted to give you a quick update while I could. Kate is just so precious and it has definitely been love at first sight and even though we are struggling a little, she really is just perfect in every way and even in between tears and sleep deprivation when I see her little face, I can't help but smile and even with the exhaustion, frustration, fear and anxiety, this mommy thing is pretty awesome!!




So.... c-section or induce??? How do I decide?!

2010-03-22T13:50:56.897-05:00

Another Friday appointment and ultrasound gone, but more questions are left unanswered. This past Friday, I saw both my OB and my MFM Specialist, but I really wish I had seen my OB after MFM...First my OB, who I trust very much. At my appointment, she mentioned that if my protein made another significant jump, she would schedule me for THIS Wednesday rather than next. The deciding factor will be the results of my weekly HELLP Panel and 24 hour, which I turned in this morning. She has been saying, and repeated again, that everything so far has gone remarkably well and that she doesn't want to push it by going too far. We've all come too far for things to go poorly now, and I agree. I trust her and I know that she will do what is best for both my and my baby...Then we went for the u/s with MFM and saw a doctor who I had never seen before, since ours was out that Friday, and well, they are "Friday checkups" for a reason ;) All looked great with our wonderful baby girl, who was now about 5 pounds, 7 ounces. As usual, she hid her face, but nevertheless, I think I could pick that little u/s face out of a lineup with 100 other babies! All continues to look great, and again, we can't hope for more than that! However, on the way out the door, the MFM doc asked us what our plan for delivery was. So, I told him that based on my ophtholmologists recommendation, we were scheduled for a c-section. His response went something like this (remember, he is one foot out the door):"Really?? I have never heard of a c-section being recommended based on diabetic retinopathy... You could certainly go through a vaginal delivery and when it came time to push, they would just use that vacuum thing or forceps... You could always get a second opinion (from another ophth), ... mumbled something about it just being his opinion ... but I am a specialist so I guess that is what I am here for " and then he was gone.... Basically, all I heard was that I don't necessarily have to have a c-section, while my husband just looked at me and shook his head, reading my mind and hoping I wouldn't go there, afterall, he also trusts my OB and really wants what is best for both me and the baby. So, now I'm confused and don't know what to do. I mean, the MFM doc IS a specialist, so he should know a little something about it... but my OB also knows me and I trust her opinion, as well... and my ophth, who is my cousin, but doesn't have a huge amount of experience yet, let alone experience with T1 pregnancies and I know she got her recommendation from the black and white pages of a text book... and then there is MY opinion and my dream to have a normal delivery, but who knows if that will happen regardless of the "plan"... and so the circle goes... There are pros and cons to each, but how do I know what outweighs the other when I don't know the OUTCOME?! So, I've called my OB this morning to get her opinion. If she still thinks c-section is best, then I'll go with it, but I want her to know that I am still open to being induced, if possible and even if it ends up resulting in a c-section anyway. One thing I do know is that my protein was stable after today's results and we have another week for this baby girl to grow, to get stronger, and to help us make an educated decision on how exactly she will enter this world on March 31st... although, you know, if we can push it back into April, I'd be okay with that, too ... ;) New updated nursery pics coming soon!! [...]



Getting closer... but hopefully not TOOO close!!

2010-03-18T14:49:11.937-05:00

Ahhh, another week down and we are almost to 36 1/2 weeks! Yep, still crazy ;) Last friday, we had our usual: perfect u/s, doc visit and this time my bp was even about what it is at home (134/82) rather than the 150/90 that I usually get when I sit down in the doc office chair in that little bitty room... then blood work followed. Everything looked great, as it has been, and I was sent home with my wonderful orange container to collect my weekly 24 hour.

Well on Monday the nurse called with my results, and the protein is continuing to go up... so, she said "we will not put you on bed rest, but we are going to limit your activity and you can only work 4 hours a day..." After we hung up, I called Brad to talk about how absolutely silly this is. I mean, I literally sit at my desk all day and do nothing at all. I get up only to use the restroom and to get my lunch. At home, I know I will be doing so much more than that, especially with my precious little Bella, who enjoys going in and out of our house constantly when I am home! I can't work part-time now... I need all the leave I can get for AFTER she arrives!!

So, after I told Brad that I was going to refuse to listen and just wouldn't tell anyone at work... he convinced me to just call and explain the situation to my doctor, so I did :) And I get to work all 8 hours, as long as I PROMISE that I sit there with my feet up (not only awkward, but very uncomfortable, haha!) and that I do NOTHING when I get home... so, I complied, and am still complying (go me!).

I don't like to just sit there, especially when I FEEL perfectly fine and capable to do whatever I want, but I have decided that the doctor probably knows what she is talking about and that for my sake and our precious angel's sake, I will do it :) I mean, at least I am not on bedrest... I don't know how those amazing women get through bed rest!! They are defniitely stronger than I am... the thought of it causes my blood pressure to skyrocket!

So, for now, things continue to be the same and we are just about another week down! Less than two weeks until we meet our precious girl :)



Nursery Pictures and Baby Belly: Her Current and Future Homes!

2010-03-11T10:17:20.005-06:00

Today, instead of just the regular diabetes check-up update, I really wanted to share some fun things, because well, I think I am kind of fun, and well there is more to me than diabetes :) So, here are some pictures of baby girl's nursery and an updated picture of me, in all my big belly glory! Getting her nursery to where it is now has been a long process and it is still pretty messy in there, but it is all coming together!! These pictures were taken several weeks ago, so things have even changed since then, but hopefully after we accomplish a lo this weekend (hey, I said hopefully, didn't I...) I can take new pictures :) We've gotten so many wonderful things from so many wonderful people that her little bity room is quite full, haha! Soooo, this is what we started with, after we emptied out the messy office/junk room stuff and somehow found a new place for it to all go, but before we got started with paint, new blinds, etc. It only took two coats of primer and two coats of paint to get the yellow covered... ...but we did it! We went with just a neutral paint color, mainly since we don't plan to live here forever and didn't want to have to repaint later on, and we also didn't want anything TOO pink, so we thought neutral was a good way to go. I think it makes a nice background for all of the dark furniture... It's actually not as white in person. I told you it was still messy in there!! We've actually made several changes since these pictures were taken... Her crib and changing table are still on that same wall, but the secretary with the glass case on top is now moved to the wall opposite her crib and we have our glider in there, too, where the secretary used to be... next to the window, which is the big brown rectangle that actually kind of looks like a door in these pictures... It really is crazy how fast that little room filled up! Haha!These are some little knobs that my Mom and I found for the new closet doors that we bought... and painted. They are just so cute and I love that they add a little splash of color and character. And lastly we have her "new" closet, just about complete. We painted the inside, replaced and painted the closet doors, and then Brad had to move the hanging bar up a little, which took much longer than either of us expected, but he's proved himself to be a very specatular handy man once again! He definitely likes to show off for his girls :)We also added two sets of drawers/shelves under the hanging rod... I'm still not quite sure yet how to organize it all; although I figure that will likely come when I know how the space will actually be used. Now we just need to decorate!! We have lots of great things to put in her glass case and on her walls from our wonderful showers, and next we will add her curtains, bed skirt, bumper and bedding, which my Mom is working on (as we speak, actually :)). Here are the fabric samples of what we are using. The daisy pattern is her curtains, then the polka dot/brown is her bumper and skirt and the pink/white stripe is actually sheets that I have had forever that we are going to make into crib sheets for her! We aren't using the green and the solid brown is very soft minky that will be on the opposite side of her bumper and will be used for a blanket with the daisy pattern. I can't wait to see it all complete! Baby girl definitely has the nicest room in the house and she'll be joining us in only about 3 more weeks!!! And finally, an updated picture of my growing "baby bump"! Good thing this picture doesn't also capture my ankles.... which are quickly growing into tree trunks! YIKES! [...]



Well, It's For Real...

2010-03-08T16:28:01.183-06:00

My Ob, Dr. G, agreed with my ophth... March 31st via c-section it is. I know it's the best thing, and I knew immediately that it was. I mean, if not a c-section, they would still induce me at 38 weeks, and that is no guarantee against having a c-section. There is always the risk of going through the induction process, being in labor for hours, and STILL having a c-section... I know this is the best thing for us both...

... so why do I feel like such a failure? Why do I feel like I haven't done my part in making sure my baby girl is safe and that somehow I haven't done my job in giving her the absolute best environment to thrive and flourish. If I had, would these new trouble spots in my eyes have even shown up? If I hadn't tortured my body for years and years then would this have ever even been a concern? No, probably not... I know I can't take it back and I know that in the grand scheme of things, I have done a good job, but why do I feel like I could have and should have done better?

This weekend my husband was out supporting a co-worker in a breast cancer walk, and then they went to a local bar for a drink and then off to another co-worker's house to hangout. While there, he let the co-worker call to tell me I should go hang out with them (she was a bit tipsy at this point) and she kept telling me I needed to go, I needed to eat anyway and that I needed to have fun... well it all just hit me like a ton of bricks. I was all alone trying to get everything ready, like I always am, and no, I couldn't eat whatever junk it is that they are having, because I don't want my blood sugar to spike or to eat all the salt since they are monitoring my swelling so closley, and we only have three weeks left to get the house ready and painted and cleaned and organized and no, I don't need to have fun because in a few short weeks, they are going to cut me open and take my baby out on THEIR terms because I didn't do a good enough job of taking care of her. FUN isn't a priority for me right now! (Of course, I nicely told her that I couldn't go and saved the dramatics and water works for after the phone was off)

I know, totally illogical in so many ways, but for whatever reason that phone call just made it all come crashing down on top of me... or maybe it was the confirmation the day before that I was in fact scheduled for a c-section and that all the hope I had been holding onto to not only have a natural birth, but to make it closer to 39 weeks than 38 was gone, ripped from me like the tearing of a page. I guess it even sounds silly that all of that is so important to me, when after all, I have already achieved more than I thought imaginable... I am having a baby!! I guess when I dream, I dream big? I set my goals high... maybe too high?

I am just crushed that I will never go into labor, I will never know what it feels like to have a contraction and I will never hear the joyous cry of our baby after SHE decided was ready to be born and make her grand entrance. I guess it all sounds silly and I know the result is the same, but it was important to me. I desperately wanted that. I wanted all of the messiness and the completely unglamorous scene and the pain and the tears and that joy. I thought I could have that... I thought I had done my job.

I am sure that this will be such a silly post when I look back at it after she is here, but for now, I just feel kind of raw. I'll get over it, though. I mean, my BABY GIRL IS COMING!! I can't be any happier about that part of all of this ;) And in the end, that really is all that matters...



Breaking News: Baby's Birthday is Set... Huh?!?!

2010-03-04T11:06:35.316-06:00

Ahhh, developing news! I had my eye appointment on Monday and it showed that I some new "spots" in my eyes. I did have laser surgery about 7 or 8 years ago but since then, things have been great... until now. I know that pregnancy can cause this and my ophthalmologist did say that it wasn't a lot and will likely go down after I have the baby, but she is recommending a c-section just to be safe.

Okay, not what I wanted to hear, but I see my ob every Friday and figured we would discuss this with her. On a side note, by ophth is my cousin and I know she is not extremely experienced with T1 patients, let alone those who are pregnant and that she is getting all of her info from a book, not from experience... while she is very very intelligent and trustworthy, I wanted to get the opinion of my ob before getting too emotional about it. I left feeling a little down, but not terribly, because I didn't have all of the information I needed yet.

Well, after my eye appointment, I had my records faxed to my ob. Well, I missed a call from my ob yesterday and just figured they would say that my ophth was recommending a c-section. I got in touch with them this morning and the nurse just said "well, your ophth is recommending a c-section so we have you scheduled for Wednesday, March 31st at 12:30 to have your baby..."

Whhaaat??

Now that is NOT what I was expecting AT ALL! I was just so surprised by the call because I see the doc every single Friday and assume that this decision could have been made after we had discussed it two days later ... I mean, if she really thinks that a c-section is best, then I am going to do whatever it takes to make sure my baby is safe, but I want all the information, and I believe that I at least get a say in what happens. We have so much to talk about tomorrow!!

I am just still kind of shocked that based on that call, the decision is made on her end! I mean, that's it. I get a phone call and BAM, here is your baby's birthday, thanks for playing?? I guess I don't really know how I was expecting it to all happen, but we hadn't even discussed scheduling a day for induction or c-section yet and I was going to talk to my doc about all that tomorrow anyway. My emotions are just in a whirlwind right now, although, I am sure after tomorrow, I will settle down a bit... It just seems so unreal.

She called about two hours ago, and I am already feeling a little better about it, but I will definitely update you all after my appointment!




I could get used to this... which is good, since I have no choice!

2010-02-23T12:42:23.616-06:00

I love having ultrasounds every Friday! Every single Friday I get to see our precious girl pop up on the screen, show off a little, while always hiding her face from view, of course. Of course, it is hard to get away from work for a significant amount of time each week, but it's necessary, and while I don't want to use tons of leave now, rather than when she is here, I do enjoy getting that special time just watching her.

My routine has become this: Every Friday I have an ultrasound, see the doc, get blood work done for the HELLP Panel, pick up my 24 hour urine kit and head back to work. Then, either Saturday or Sunday I do my 24 hour and then head back to the hospital on Monday morning to drop it off.

Of course, throw in my endo appointment this week and eye appointment next week, and that is a LOT of doctors!! I really don't mind, though, especially since so far, they have brought only a sense of comfort that all is well.

As a side note, my protein has actually gone DOWN from the last time I blogged... it was 1150 last week and was 1250 this week. The week before those it was 1590 but my doc said that sometimes extra fluid intake can cause a higher number, so that's good!!

I am still aiming for 4-6 more weeks, although the closer I get to my due date, the more I find myself pushing back my expectations to closer to 39 weeks :) Gosh, she will really be here before I know it!!



One Day At A Time

2010-02-15T09:37:25.265-06:00

I am still taking everything one day at a time, and it is amazing how taking each excruciatingly long day as a blessing and moving on to the next can quickly add up to 32 weeks! It is truly incredible. My weekly u/s and check ups started Friday and all went well. The specialist had done them all prior to this so this was the first since the pregnancy was confirmed that my OB saw my baby girl. I think she was actually impressed :) My fluids look good and she is right around 40% on the growth charts. She said she could tell that my blood sugars have been well controlled, which made me extremely excited. It isn't often that we are actually applauded by our doctors when we do well, so I took it all in :) Baby girl is still looking great by all accounts and she even hiccupped on command and we saw her wiggle her tiny little toes! She is truly amazing. My protein is still increasing; now up to 1500, but again, we are doing 24 hours every week and so we'll see what the next one brings. I asked when delivery would be necessary and she said that if it gets up to around 5000 she may consider it, but we'll see. Hopefully I can make it to at least 38 weeks. My blood pressure was still high for the first two checks, but thankfully the nurse checks until she gets a good one ;) The first was done over my sleeve and was 150/84 and so she pulled it up and I started getting a bit panicky thinking about bed rest, which resulted in a 154/90 ish. So she did it one more time, while I tried my hardest to calm down: 134/83. Whoo, thank goodness! So, I'm on my feet and at work for one more week! Yay!As it gets closer to the day that we get to meet our baby girl, I have been reflecting a lot on this journey. I honestly feel as though it is has still not completely sunk in that I am really doing this. That I am pregnant and that I am now blessed to know what it is like to have this baby growing inside me and to feel her kick and her ever more frequent hiccups. It was something I never dared to dream about before because I knew it would hurt too much when I found out that it wouldn't be possible for me, especially since so many years of neglect were at my own hand... but here we are, and we've just about made it through to the end! I was thinking about how I feel like this pregnancy journey will be over before it ever really sinks in and that then it will be too late to actually sit back and enjoy all of the wonderful things that pregnancy brings (and even those not so wonderful things). Maybe it is that I am so pre-occupied by the never ending focus on my blood sugar and diabetes (even while sneaking in a bit of king cake for Mardi Gras) that has me distracted from allowing myself to believe this is really true, but that is so much a part of it all, and really, that's okay. I just want to try to cherish it all before it is over, and the next chapter begins! Do I wish that I didn't have to worry about the effect my diabetes will have on my precious child? Of course, but I also know that complications can happen in any pregnancy, and at least I know that I was being watched so closely for any signs of problems. I know that my baby girl will not have an undiagnosed heart problem due to a hole in her heart and I know that if my blood pressure increases even in the slightest, all precautions will be taken to make sure we are both taken care of. I get this extra care because of my diabetes. I have also been able to see her every month since the day she came into existance! I imagine that pregnant women everywhere are constantly concerned that all is well, and I was able to have that extra reassurance. I think the biggest lesson that I've learned is this: I can do this. I can be[...]



Signs of Pre-Eclampsia

2010-02-04T13:56:20.584-06:00

Gosh, I know I say this every single time, but it is still just crazy... I am 30 weeks. I can't beleive it! Baby girl is doing just fine. At her last u/s the doc said that she was "growing perfectly"... I can't even begin to ask for more than that!! She seems healthy and happy in her cozy (and getting cozier by the day) home. She is moving around regularly and it is just so fun to watch my belly protrude as she attempts to stretch and move. I swear sometimes she just gets to dancing and my entire belly pokes out in a million places at once!! I can't help but giggle constantly at her little acrobatics! Well, it seems that although she is doing well, my blood pressure is on the rise. When they check it at the Doctor's office it is around 140-150/90... although my home monitor never gives me those high results and usually says I am around 135/85 at the absolute highest (only once or twice). I went to see my ob yesterday and she told me that I have orders to take it easy, not do anything when I get home, and if it gets any higher, I will be placed on bed rest... and then when I got home and check, my bp was 111/76. Go figure! I am also going to do weekly ultrasounds, 24 hour urines, and HELLP panels to monitor how she is doing and the protein in my urine. My weekly ultrasounds were scheduled to begin at 32 weeks anyway, so we are just starting a week early. The 24 hour urines will be a huge inconvenience, but I'd do them daily if that is what it takes! My protein has gone up from 305 at 12 weeks, to 550 at around 20 weeks, to 990 at 28 weeks. So, it's on the rise, but I think it is still within an okay range for now, but protein is part of pre-e, so they just want to make sure it doesn't get out of control. I have only had protein in my urine once with the dip stick in the OB's office, and even then she said she was surprised it hadn't shown up sooner and that it likely was due to something I ate, although I don't know if that even matters since my 24 hours are on the rise. So... that's my update. Not great news, but not horrible either. Basically, I just do my best to keep my blood pressure down and continue on what I am doing. If I do have to go on bed rest it will kill me only because it will eat up my maternity leave, and I'd much rather spend that time with my precious girl instead of just sitting around, but I'll do what I need to keep her growing and healthy for as long as possible. Hopefully we can at least make it to 36-37 weeks, which is only about 5-6 weeks away! OH MY HOLY COW!! Ooohh, deep breathes, deep breathes ;) I have a baby shower this weekend, and am required to sit the whole time, but I am very excited for it. Thankfully we did it as early as possible "just in case", since it seems it might have been necessary. I'll keep you all updated! Thank you so much for your comments, thoughts, and prayers. They mean so much to me. I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many friends who know the ups and downs of diabetes!!Oh, and her latest u/s pic... I know it's hard to pic her out, but it is her full face, tilted with her forehead toward the top right, chin toward the bottom left, and you can see both eyes, nose and her Daddy's lips!! :) [...]



Week 29: What an Amazing Journey It's Been

2010-01-27T11:06:35.693-06:00

I can't believe I am here typing that I am in my 29th week of pregnancy. It really still all feels so surreal to me. I feel like I know it is happening, but that I am somehow just watching it happen from a distance or to someone else. It's just incredible :)I feel her not so gentle kicks and nudges constantly these days and my belly often takes it upon itself to begin moving like a bowl of jello, and I can do nothing but laugh! It's crazy and had no clue that would happen! We are still steadily working on her room, which is at this point easily the nicest in our humble home, but heck, she does deserve the best! It's fun to hang out in her room and think about how before we know it, it really will be HER room. I am still completely obsessed with registries and continuously try to figure out what I need to prepare myself for our precious girl, but so far, the lists of items have not yet sent me any magic answers. I feel like I am trying to find Waldo among all of the swings and strollers and carseats and bedding and bottles and blankets and bibs. He's definitely gotten pretty darn good at this hiding thing...On the diabetes front, I am feeling better about resistance this week. It's still there, and it still confuses me, and mostly it still scares me, but it hasn't been quite as bad as it was before. The long list of appointments continues and I saw my endocrinologist this past Monday. My A1C only went up .1 to 5.3; however, I am quite skeptical about this whole accuracy thing because I know that my numbers were not nearly consistent with what they were before. My meter average has gone up from 100 to 120, so I know I am not totally delusional. Kerri over at Six Until Me seems to be having the same doubts... but all I can do is trust all is well. I also saw my ob last Friday. I think my blood pressure is starting to creep up and I am definitely swelling more, and I had 3+ protein in my urine when they checked... so I was off to do another 24 hour urine. My ob did mention that I probably shouldn't worry and that she honestly expected me to have had protein show up before now, since well, I've always had some protein due to my diabetes. So, when the person called with my results she said the doc said all was well, but I asked her what my protein was so I could pass this info on to my endo and she said 990, but that my ob had said it was stable so it was fine. Last 24 hour in early December showed I had 550, which doesn't seem stable to me! I discussed this with my endo when I went and he said that as long as it isn't around 3000 they probably won't be concerned. But, I can't help but be a tad concerned...I check my blood pressure at home and it usually doesn't get higher than around 130ish/82ish, with some occasionally a tad higher, but most closer to 125/80. I know pre-eclampsia is more common in people with diabetes and I am honestly thinking about it 24/7, I can't help it. I am not stressed about it necessarily, but I am constantly on the look out for signs. I mean, swelling, I am swelling, but how much is too much? And, sure, I get headaches, but they aren't unbearable... I have a total battle going on with whether what I am going through is normal in someone who is pregnant or if I should be alarmed... Thankfully, the doc appointments will be picking up again soon and so I will no longer have to solely rely on my own judgement on these things... whew! We get to see our baby girl tomorrow for an u/s, as well, and that always puts me at ease a bit. And don't worry, I've got a long list of questions for the maternal fetal specialist :) Seriously, every single day is an amazing blessing to me and [...]



Third Trimester: Nesting is in FULL Force!!

2010-01-17T18:50:17.121-06:00

I am so sorry I have been a stranger!! I think I have just become so occupied with just making sure things run smoothly, I haven't taken the time to write about it, since diabetes and doing well is always on my mind... I still look down at this very large belly and question whether it's all real. It is, I know it is, but I was so scared for so long that I would never get to where I am today it's hard to believe. I know I am so blessed and so grateful and just so happy. I cannot wait to meet this precious baby girl!!!

Resistance started hitting hard around week 22... I rarely saw any numbers under 100, although many were close and it was extremely frustrating. I think I've hammered all that out now but it was very difficult at the time. I know it will become hard again, but today is good and I am thankful for that. Regardless, it's all so worth it. I have a strange feeling that this won't be the last time I worry about my baby girl 24 hours a day ;)

I am also in absolute full nesting mode, haha!! I find myself continually trying to nest, but realize that I have nothing left to do until we get closer... Her furniture is all in her room and today we started putting together a closet organizer to add some more storage space. When I can't "nest" around the house, I find myself totally obsessed with my registries for her! I am constantly looking at them to see if I've thought of everything I might need. Suggestions from any Mommies out there on what I NEED, what is nice to have, and those things I should just forget are completely welcome!! This whole 'not knowing what the heck I am doing' is pretty hard!! I keep reading books and trying to be prepared, but they are talking about things I have no experience with and I know it won't make sense until she is here, and that's just how it is supposed to be :) Thankfully, I've been totally obsessed with babies and kids since I was one myself, so I have lots of babysitting experience and experience with newborns, but I know it will not be close to the same... I am just ready to move on to that next chapter!

I am now 28 weeks along and probably have at most 10 weeks to go, and hoping and praying that I make it close to that. So far everything is great, but I know things can change in an instant and I am trying my best to be prepared. But, all in all things are wonderful. I love her little tap dances in my belly and just grin ear to ear when I feel her moving around. It will never get old. I am just so in love with this baby girl and am anxiously awaiting the day I can hold her in my arms!!



Maybe my cell just felt neglected??

2009-12-08T14:54:29.007-06:00

Ahhhh, finally!! After our two week extremely competitive phone tag run, my endo and I finally got it together and I now have my results... I think maybe my cell noticed that "other contraption" that was always attached to me and that I rarley forgot, or left behind, but since I decided to hold my cell firmly on my hip opposite that little square beeping thing, it decided to cooperate and let the doc on through to me... I mean, really, I was about to give up all hope of actually hearing from my endo until I had my next appointment in two weeks anyway, but I really was about to lose my mind playing the waiting game! So, A1c, still good at 5.3. I know, those numbers still don't make complete sense to me... I mean, I don't know that it can really be possible, but my endo says it is and he's in charge... as far as my test results go, anyway. He again teased me and said it was great, as long as my fingers are holding out okay ;) I never knew endocrinologists could be funny... and nice, even!!! I can definitely get used to this 'no fussing' thing...Protein is still there... it has slowly increased over the course of my pregnancy and is now at 211 (not sure which measurement this is, but it started at 53 pre-preg, then 163, then 200 last month... I think it's creatine?... I know I should know this, but Mr. Google isn't my friend anyway...). He doesn't seem concerned and we are just keeping an eye on it. I am doing my second tri 24 hour urine now so hopefully that will also come out as stable...And tah dah, welcome new diagnosis!! My thyroid levels are now at 2.07, which means I need to go on a very low dose of thyroid medication for hypothyroidism or hashimotos. They have also slowly increased (or decreased as thyroid production goes) so we are going to keep a close eye on this as well and I will talk to my ob/gyn this Friday on what this means for Baby Bou and me...But, overall things are still good, just more things to watch closely. As long as Baby Bou is in there safe and sound, I'm fine... for the most part. Well, okay, I'm nervous lately... maybe even a little freaked out and hypersensitive to things. Here's what happened:My mom called me on my way to work on Monday after I had a bad case of pregnancy brain and forgot to pick up my 24 hr urine test oh, let me see... three times. Which means I now have to do this during the week instead of comfortably during the weekend, but I'll do whatever it takes... Anyway, Mom apparently thought Mr. Google was HER friend and called me in a bit of a panic when she found preeclampsia out there in cyber space. Now, I haven't hidden any information from her and have told her some common risks associated with diabetes and pregnancy, so I don't know how her search started or why exactly, but she informed me that preeclampsia can start after 20 weeks and is "very serious" (right, because I didn't already know this and somehow needed to be reminded... and maybe even that little thin string I've been grasping to keep me from falling into worried hysterics might need to be snapped... ) So... needless to say I temporarilty thought Mr. Google might be MY friend, too, which only led to me freaking out a bit and worrying like crazy and since then, I have been getting a little more stressed about things, but I'm doing my absolute best to keep my worry wart in check, hard as it may be. So yea, overall, I am doing well... and Baby Bou says she is, too... as evidenced by her little tip taps as I type this :) I'll keep you updated on any new developments, but I am hopeful that there won't be any![...]



22 weeks and Counting!!

2009-12-07T09:34:01.219-06:00

Gosh, where has the time gone!?! I feel like it was just yesterday that we found out we are having a precious girl and here it is almost a whole month later! Here are some updates on what has been going on in our growing home:

For the past 5 weeks, I have had a doctor's appointment (or two) every week. Crazy, I know, but it keeps me on track and it keeps me calm, just to know that all is as it should be! One of these included my opthalmologist to check my eyes. In 2002 I had laser surgery for retinopathy, so seeing the eye doctor is always a little scary, especially now that I am pregnant, since pregnancy can cause retinopathy to get worse... but, all was the same as it has been for the past 8 years! I am honestly shocked and almost don't believe the doc when she tells me this each time. I mean, how could that be?! I thought I was going blind when I found out about my retinopathy and even after the laser surgery I wasn't in ideal control... I mean, not even until just this past year has my A1C been under 7... for the first time in my life as a diabetic. All I can say for this is it is never too late... and well, God sure is darn good!!!

Another of these appointments was my endo... who I have now been successfully playing phone tag with for 2 weeks. So, needless to say I don't know what my new A1C is or whether the always present protein in my urine is remaining stable, but if it was bad, he'd make sure to get in touch with me, right?! I'll be seeing him again in 2 weeks anyway, but I am hoping I don't have to wait that long. Cell phone is officially attached to my hip, opposite my pump :)

Then, last week was the maternal-fetal specialist and we had another ultrasound. Good news all around!! She's doing great! Her heart looks wonderful, so do her kidneys and her brain and she is measuring in at around the 40th percentile... which is smaller than average, but we weren't expecting any miracles, since I am 5'2 and her Daddy is around 5'9 (or something like that ;)). It was great to see her again and her Mimsie (my Mom) was able to join us for our little preview! She yawned twice and was busy sucking her little hand almost the entire time... goodness I am in love with that little girl!!

In other news, we painted her room this weekend and picked out some fabric for her bedding, curtains, etc.!! We are just going neutral with paint colors, because we will eventually want to sell the house and don't want to make it to "personalized"... and well, the neutral will look nice. It is called Toasted Almond ;) I'll have to take a picture of the fabric swatches we got. They are basically a deeper pink, brown and green. We also picked up her crib... although it is still in the box until the room is finished being painted.

I can't believe I am putting together a nursery!!! She has also started to kick a lot more, which is such a relief!! I was getting quite impatient! I think it was around the day after Thanksgiving when she started moving around more and she hasn't stopped yet... although on days where I am very busy (like this weekend) I don't feel her quite as much as I do when sitting in my office at work...

So, that's my update! All is well in the Baby Bou household... we are 22 weeks, so officially over the halfway mark and expect to have her around the beginning of April, if all continues to go well!

I hope you are all enjoying this wonderful Christmas season... I can't wait for Santa next year!!!!



Preparing Our 'Nest'

2009-11-19T15:31:30.033-06:00

Things have been going really well. Ever since we've found out we are having a girl, it's been fun to say "she" and know that we will be seeing lots of pink... and probably our fair share of drama in our future ;) We could not be more excited to meet her...although, I still have a pretty long time! I am now in my fifth month (crazy, I know!) and am just about halfway there... which seems like a long time to me!

Brad and I have been trying very hard to start organizing our home in preparation for our new addition and so that is definitely keeping us busy. This whole "nesting" thing is definitely real!!! I've enjoyed cooking more, although I have always enjoyed it, and I am actually getting pretty good about throwing out or donating things that I no longer need... that in itself is pretty remarkable!!

It's actually pretty fun to see the home that was perfect for us as a newly married couple become the first home for our wonderful little family. We've already painted and organized our guest room and next we are moving into our hall and clearing out what is to be the nursery, a.k.a. our junk room/office. YIKES! So, I'll be spending this weekend going through things I have long forgotten existed and the beginnings of preparing little girl's room her arrival!!

Who knew organizing, cleaning, sorting, etc. could be so much fun?!? ;)



Baby Bou is a ....

2009-11-11T10:10:31.692-06:00

Wow, what a whirlwind of a day yesterday was!! Waiting for the appointment was absolute torture, but I had no idea how stressful it would be once we actually got there. It was a big day and we were mostly just two curious parents waiting to find out whether it was a little boy or girl that was changing our lives forever... but they were also checking the baby's development and all of our little one's organs, including kidneys, brain, heart, and the markers for downs syndrome. So needless to say, it was a bit stressful.They took us in pretty quickly, thank goodness, because I think Brad and I were both about to just bust with excitement!! The u/s tech met us in the room and we got all set up. And there our little baby was, gosh Baby Bou looked so big since our 9w u/s and the baby looked perfect and it was so wonderful to see our precious little gift again.The first thing the tech asked us was whether we wanted to find out the gender of our cutie pie and of course we both exclaimed that we absolutely did! So, she moved the wand around my belly, got in position, and said, "Well, it looks like it's a GIRL!"I think the room went silent and Brad and I both just stared at the screen... we are both so very excited and just can't wait to see what great things this little girl will bring us! Thankfully, we did not wait to find out because right after that, she decided to cross her little legs and sit on her hands, just like a proper little lady should! :)After that we started the rest of the scan and the tech showed us all of her little organs, of course without really letting us know whether they looked good or bad, which was the stressful part... but we enjoyed just watching our precious girl move around. The doctor then came in and checked everything for himself and said from what he can see, she looks good and there is nothing from the ultrasound to worry about and he couldn't see any of the typical markers for Downs Syndrome, but he does want us to come back in 3 weeks from now to get another view of her heart, since she wasn't cooperating to his liking and didn't get all the views he wanted, but from what he could see, all was well! From here on out we will get an ultrasound every 4 weeks to make sure all continues to go well... I am so spoiled ;)So, that's our news!! Great ultrasound, great day, and we have a wonderful baby girl on the way! Brad has his first date speech already prepared for that first little boy who shows up to our house, and has already contemplated what age is appropriate to start dating... Haha!! Brad is going to be an amazing Daddy :)So, here she is:[...]



Happy D-Blog Day! All of my fears are shattered...

2009-11-09T15:53:35.654-06:00

I have never felt less like a person with diabetes in my life. I feel like all my dreams are coming true, and that diabetes really has not hindered me in any way whatsoever. All those fears I had, and still have, that I could never be "normal", never accomplish my dreams, never find someone to love me, or the fear that I would never become a Mom... all those fears are shattered, they are gone like the dreams they were supposed to deny me of.

I cannot believe I am here today and I am healthy, so happy, married to a wonderful man, and expecting a precious child. I don't know what is to come and I know that complications and additional struggles will likely come my way, but that's okay. Everyone has struggles, they are just different for each person.

Sure, I am on cloud nine right now because in oh, about 24 hours I have my next ultrasound to find out the sex of our baby, so I'm pumped! And I still know that the anatomy scan may show things that I am not prepared for, but I've done a good job controlling my blood sugars as much as I can... I hope. But for this minute in time, I just want to get lost in the feeling of being a totally normal woman who is expecting a totally normal and healthy child and whose life is about to totally change as we find out whether we are welcoming a son or daughter into this world... a world where anyone's dreams can come true, no matter who tries to quash them with fears of the unknown...

Diabetes has not killed me, it has only made me stronger, and I am such a true believer in that!!

Happy D-Blog Day 2009!!



Anticipation for Tuesday and Baby Bump :)

2009-11-05T14:03:21.781-06:00

This coming Tuesday is a really big day. Not only do we find out the gender of this little one, but we also get the full anatomy scan to make sure Baby Bou is developing as he/she should be. Also, at my last appointment with my OB, they drew my blood for the quad screening, which gives us the chances that the baby will have any neural tube defects, cystic fibrosis, down's syndrome, and I think a few other things.

Everything was negative, except for Down's Syndrome, which showed up positive with the baby's risk at 1:300 of having it. Now, I know that with those chances, there is a 99.6% chance that everything is perfectly fine, but any positive result is scary, so I am even more anxious for this next appointment. I am scared, but I am not stressing over this. I know this test is really not that accurate and people get much higher chances all the time and have healthy babies... and really, there isn't anything I can do about it. They will look for markers of Downs in the ultrasound and we will take it from there. We have decided we do not want an amnio to confirm anything even if the ultrasound shows positive markder because even although the risk is small, I do not want any chance of miscarriage. Anyway, regardless of what the tests say, this baby will be so loved and will be so special to us; all we can do is prepare our home and our lives for a baby with special needs, if we have to... but like I said, I will not worry until we have more information on Tuesday.

Oh, and say hi to our 17w Baby Bou bump... On Tuesday of next week you'll get an up close and personal view of Baby Bou him/herself!





Baby's Heartbeat Still Strong!

2009-10-27T14:32:24.497-05:00

On Friday, I had my monthly appointment with my OB and things are so far so good! I am 16 weeks today and as of Friday, the baby's heartbeat was 150, which is great. I also got my tests back from my endo and he said my A1C is down to 5.5... that's right, folk's FIVE.POINT.FIVE! I am thrilled, elated, shocked and can't believe that I, the born again diabetic who fought so hard against this disease it nearly killed me, now has an A1C of 5.5.


I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. Anyone can do this... anyone. It doesn't matter if you have to start over, like I did, or if you just need to refocus. You can do what you put your mind to. Now, I am not sure if 5.5 is reasonable or not... I think pregnancy actually reduced blood sugars in the beginning, so that does make it a little easier than if you don't have those crazy hormones going through your body, but set your own, realistic goal, and get at it! You know I am cheering for you and welcome any vents of frustration you need to get out to help get over the hump. My email is this.is.my.sos@gmail.com. I know how good it feels to sometimes just get it all out...


My doctor also told me that she will likely induce me by two weeks or so to my due date, so we'll see how everything goes. I am hoping everything continues to go smoothly, but I am trying to remain realistic. I do have protein in my urine, and have for years, so that definitely is a concern, but like I said, so far, things are great, and I can't ask for a better report than that!

Thank you all for your support, encouragement, and words of advice!! I welcome any comments or suggestions that you have... sometimes, the best way is to learn from others! :)



Ooohh Baby ~ Insulin Resistance is Kicking In

2009-10-21T10:05:42.622-05:00

Just this past weekend I started seeing signs that insulin resistance is starting to show it's ugly head! Things have been so smooth up until now... perfect really. I hadn't seen blood sugars in the 200s in almost two weeks, and before then it was rare. For months, things were so easy...

Yesterday I finished my 15th week and today I begin my 16th week of pregnancy and I can see my blood sugars beginning to creep up... and what I've noticed over the past few days is that those highs are as stubborn as I am. They do NOT like to budge! I do not care for this new development, but thankfully I see my endocrinologist today to see what I need to do.

One major problem is that I am also getting lows...possibly from me trying to fight the highs my just continuing to bolus for them, but nonetheless, they are there. So how do I increase my insulin when I NEED it, but keep it how it is for when my body wants to act all normal and stuff...like my body was ever normal!

For anyone with experience in this baby growing sorta thing :) I have a few questions:
1~when your insulin needs increased, did you start with your basals or your insulin:carb ratios? or both?
2~Did you find that you still had occassional lows due to the inconsistencies going on in your body?
AND
3~From this point on, will it ever be easy again?? I mean, how long did each 'fix' last before you had to readjust again?

I woke up early this morning (yep, it was a low) but I couldn't fall back to sleep, which has been pretty common latley... so, like a total dork in love with her baby, the baby and I just played... for an hour or two... until I had to wake up for real. Haha! Really I just poked and prodded my tummy and tried to see if maybe I could feel movement. I can't, but it was fun and I have a feeling not being able to fall asleep in the middle of the night will no longer be quite so miserable :)