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weathering migraine storms

Updated: 2018-03-06T04:44:34.063-05:00


The Graduate


On Friday, June 25th, Marisa a/k/a Cinderisa graduated high school. She left two days later for her internship with Southwestern Book Co. I have been so blessed with such amazing children. Though my heart is just broken over her leaving for the summer, I know, without a doubt, this is going to be an awesome experience for her.My Dad and Marisa on graduation day; and Marisa with Aunt Dee, my sister. It seems like yesterday when we were my kids' ages and graduating. The time just flies - so so very fast when you have children.Christina will be graduating in three years, so I have a little time left with her. I love this pic with my beautiful girls.In her cap and gown and on our way to the War Memorial. I cherished every single moment of the ceremony. Cried through most of it. My kids are constantly looking at me, and wondering why I can't stop. They are just growing up before my eyes.Marisa was a part of the Commencement Band, so we had an excellent view of her the whole time. She looked sad, nervous and stressed; but she was also having fun with her friends in the pit.My Mom and Dad were so proud of her - they couldn't stop smiling. Neither could I, well, when I wasn't sobbing and tearing up.And then came Sunday. 4am. The wake up call. Time to say, "good-bye." The hardest part of parenting, I'm finding, is "good-bye." Now I know she'll be back in mid-September, but watching her board that plane; watching it taxi the runway.........that was the absolute hardest thing I've had to do as a parent. I know she will do well, very well; she has a strong and good head on her shoulders. I keep asking her sis if she misses her yet; but she says "not yet" - it's only a matter of time. She did say it was going to be a boring summer. She looks very sad. I'm praying the summer flies by. Hang onto those children. Love them in every waking moment. Hold them, hug them and let them know, without a doubt that you love them. Before you know it, they are ready to leave the nest; and YOU are not ready to let them go.[...]

Senior Ball, the Growing up stage


My big girl had her Senior Ball last week. My how she is just growing up, so beautiful and wonderful. It doesn't seem possible that she is just moments away from leaving the nest. And I do mean moments. She will be leaving us just two short days after graduation for her summer internship with Southwestern Book Co. and working for the summer.Prayerfully, she will leave for the Air Force after her internship. It's going to be so strange without her over the summer. I'm missing her in my thoughts already, and cry everytime I think of her leaving. She and her friends looked so colorful and bright. All dressed up like princesses. They were so excited and silly.Wow, she really shrinks me here. Well, she did have three-inch heels on. I guess I forgot to get my glam on for the pic. Oh, I almost forgot; as proms go, our school district really does it up! Well, not so much when I was in school, but they've come a long way. They have prizes and give-aways, gift cards, stuff like that. But, there is this amazing car dealer who has been donating cars to Seniors in the area and well.....I know, I can't believe it either - Cinderisa won the grand prize this year.She called at me at 3am from the "after party" - heavily supervised at the school, to tell me that she won the car. I, naturally, didn't believe her. I mean who wins cars??? Well, apparently, she does. Today, I was able to pick it up and surprise her with it at school. Had to decorate of course. Why is it that it seems like yesterday I was graduating and moving on? Time flies so fast. Thankfully, I still have Chrisarella and the Little Man at home for a few more years.[...]

RE - Entry


When we first moved into this house, the entryway was covered in a very full-on floral design that just wasn't, well, ME. So I slapped on a few coats of paint, added a suede finish and called it a day. It has been there for 7 years. I have since grown bored of it.So a couple of stencils and some plaster here.Some more pretty paint and glaze here and there, until I get the desired look. Or a look close enough to desire.and this is my new look to the entryway. It really opened it up, brightened it. I even painted my once-red door and painted the "Welcome" sign on it.I'm actually thinking of painting the inside of the door and applying a different sign. Maybe "Ciao" who knows. Next up is the kitchen. I can hardly wait! The pictures never do the job justice, it really did come out so much prettier than it looks. So nice to have good days to pretty up the place. I refuse to state how long the ladder was in the doorway waiting between good days.Praying you all pain-free days.Deborah[...]

growing, growing. gone


Lexi enjoying herself in the misting fan on her final year of scholastic level Special Olympics. My big girl is 21 and graduating this year. She has been in school since she was 18 months old. She has achieved so much more than we were ever told she would. Boy did she show them!!!I had a hard time pulling her away from this thing, she really did love it. It was so cute to see the kids get excited over such a simple piece of equipment. But they all screamed and jumped and squealed with excitement over it. My other big girl who is graduating this year. Where oh where does the time go. This picture shows how much my girls resemble each other, and how much they just adore each other. Lexi was so excited when Marisa came over to the tent to see her. It was great to see so many high school and jr high students supporting the kids yesterday.Meet our new resident duck family; Tony and Carmella. The kids and I are thrilled with their presence and welcome them. Frank on the other hand, not so much. I'm just happy they aren't geese.Isis is hoping she can catch them, but we are trying to keep her away from them. They have been hanging out in the neighbor's yards behind us, in their pools also, so I think they are staying around. As for the monster, I have been trying to keep that at bay, and am waiting for another round of radio frequency this coming Friday, to "zap" it away for another few months. Hey, here's hoping. Cinderisa is making decisions for after graduation; ugh. She leaves the nest 2 days after she graduates to work for Southwestern Book co. for the summer. Which, in itself, is an amazing experience for her. I know, we are on our second year of hosting kids from Southwestern. I think all kids should try to take the opportunity and work it. When she comes home from that, she should be leaving for boot camp for the Air Force. She is just growing up and out. Last weekend the kids performed their final drumline show, to which, I sat and cried; knowing it was her final performance. I have become a weeping, sap of mush. I am going to be a complete wreck on graduation day, not to mention that Lexi will be graduating in two weeks. I am a mess! Is this what is meant by growing pains? Nicholas and his class performed for the Mom's yesterday - we all cried. They prepared breakfast for us and made placemats and sang us these sweet songs. It was just awful; in a sweet way, we were all complete messes. On a funny note, when Chrisarella and I were driving yesterday, we saw a bunch of her classmates (14yr olds) playing outside with rubber and foam swords. Not just playing, but sweaty, and running and seriously into it. I had to turn the van around for her so she could get pics, because, hey, sometimes opportunity just knocks. My little guy (9yr) and his buddies play with Air Soft and paintball. So maybe the joke is really on me. I mean, he does gear up, heavily. It was just cute to see a bunch of teenage boys all into their sword fight. Boys will be boys. I suppose.[...]

Thankful Me


Much as I'd like to believe this to be true, with his age, I'm finding it to be, well, BULL! Tomorrow our Rocco turns 7, let's just say he is really fortunate lately to have any day to celebrate. He is one bad dog. Today we had an early appointment with my neuro, a much-needed appointment I might add. We had been running a little late, so rather than go through the "doggie schedule" of feeding and letting them out, and yes, they are equally OCD in nature as their masters, we left them in the dust and out of their minds with hunger. What would they do? How could they survive? Alas, once the door behind the Beloved had slammed, the Bulldog in control knew exactly what to do.........pizzza...pizzza...PIZZZZZAAAAAA.It was as if it was calling out to him. Of course! The Beloved had PIZZA last night! He smelled it, he hadn't forgotten it, oh no. It was still there, but where??? THERE IT IS! On the stove top. Up he jumps, without knowing, turned the knobs to 'HIGH' and set the boxes to the previous pizza on fire. And that's not all, oh no, he also lit ablaze the oven mitts, pot holders and various little .. . . . . . please excuse this interruption. . . . This dog, the guilty face you see here, yes, this one is responsible, completely without even knowing, of starting a small kitchen fire. in my house. while I wasn't home today. idiot. Thankfully, it was contained in the stove area. Thankfully, my house didn't sustain any real damage. Thankfully, my dogs weren't hurt. I can't even imagine what they went through while it happened.When we came to the door, the alarms were going off and smoke just billowed out the door as soon as Frank opened it. Rocco was sneezing and the house was just full of smoke. (you can only imagine the smell now) oh, and I might add, I've been in full blown storm for pushing 3 weeks now. lovely. The fire must have JUST gone out because we could still hear crackling, which immediately had me call 911. Oh the firetrucks and police and the drama! So much fun when I was already a hmm, 6 of 10. Frank wanted to kill Rocco, I just wanted to hug the big dummy. He basically hit the deck from, no doubt, smoke inhalation as soon as I let him outside. I started to cry just from the pure intensity of the situation. So much more could have happened, yet didn't. Thank you, Lord for that. I cannot get away from the smell of the smoke. It is overwhelming.Tonight, my sweet and wonderful MIL came over with dinner, and attempted to clean the stove for me. What a mess! Yes, Frank, I believe we actually may need to make a claim with the insurance company. It is melted into the countertop, which is burned to a crisp, literally. Then there is the constant chirping of the smoke alarm that I cannot locate. Every 40 seconds I hear a "chirp" but cannot decipher which one is making the sound. It is sure to drive us out of our minds .chirpchirp[...]

Horror Story. . . What's New?


Saw the flash of light, the warning that I almost always ignore, or don't think of as a warning. The wee blink of brightness just out of the scope of my direct eyesight. I know it's there. You know it's there when it appears. We see it when our eyes are closed, try hard to focus in on it, follow it, but rarely can we. We know what IT is, but never do we really want to admit to ourselves that it's coming again. Because really, life is happening so much better without IT.But there it is anyway. The aura. The pretty little light that blinks, spins, whirls and whistles it's way into being. It's almost always too late when I realize what it is. My stomach starts to rumble and turn. My face has become numb. It is only a matter of time before the pain begins to set in.My rescue meds have not been working. Frank called my docs office and I ended up going in for two days of infusion; Thursday and Friday. This typically takes me 3 -4 days to break the cycle. I''m in no better shape today. Sunday.I'm not so sure what to do at this point, other than wait it out. Call tomorrow, see what they can do for me, whether I can be infused, if she's in or not, I don't know. I'm supposed to go in on Friday for a new procedure with my pain doc. Right now I feel like I've had my butt kicked; not really sleeping, yet exhausted, restless.I am facing week two of the migraine monster. again. Every sound seems louder than normal in my over-sensitive ears. Like they have somehow managed to grow in strength and size. Some sounds actually seem to have razors or shards of glass when entering my eardrum. So painfully loud.The same with some scents; especially perfumes. My goodness, it's like people marinade themselves in it. I hate being so sensitive to such things. I used to wear perfume, and all different types and scents. I loved it!! Not anymore. I have one scent I can wear, and only because I can no longer smell it. That's because I've been wearing it for so long. My husband is no longer allowed to wear cologne when in my presence. My kids cannot put lotion or perfume on in the house, they must exit the front door first. They're pretty good about it, they understand that it 'hurts' me. And it does. It makes me sick. Who would have thought?I find myself hiding my nose in my shirts, scarves, sleeves or coats; just to hide from the smells of perfumes or cleaning products. I've found a nice alternative for my own home environment that I myself can clean with that is both safe and useful to clean with AND will not make me sick with the scent it gives off. I can dillute for many uses in spray bottles to boot! What is this wonder product?? Clorox Green Works. I love it. No bleach scent to send me over the edge with the dizzy headache and nausea.For now, I'm putting my head back down on the pillow. My soft pillow.Wishing you pain-free daysDeborah[...]

Still Deckin My Halls, Walls, even My Van


But first, my pretty buffet. I changed the paper behind my pears today. This is actually the paper I chose in October to start my wrapping. I love how it pops off the deep wine colored walls. They always come out looking Barney purple on camera. Go figure. OOh ooh, the white frilley tree I did today with Mod Podge and mulberry paper today. such the crafter. I know! Although, I'm thinking seriously of getting white feathers instead. I have a taller one, too. hmmm AND a turqoise and brown feather boa I'm just dying to rip into. Wall stickers. LOVE THEM! Stink! I should have taken a pic of the little reindeer under the curtains! Just imagine them continuing their cute little selves going up, up up, over my window, and under the curtains. So cute. I have them EVERYWHERE!! And yes, they are ON my minivan. (no, not the reindeer, silly - stickers!)This is my little collection of Santas. I inherited them from Millie, my neighbor that I also inherited the beautiful bulb collection from. They are so beautiful. Yes, I realize my very 80's fireplace door must go; but hey, it's a work in progress. Summer is coming and I love spray paint. Trust me, it's going to get done! Unless, of course, I can get a great big donation for that insert, because hey, that would be just lovely!I must warn you, it's quite large! But a girl has to hope right! Anyhoo, my nativity and pretty angel. Yes, Virginia, I made my own "hope" blocks.Onto another work in progress; ugh, the kitchen, note the peeled wallpaper! Isn't that attractive!! Do you like the cottage cheese ceiling? Are you jealous? I know you are! But really, you should see how beautiful my garland is at night; it is absolutely gorgeous! But my how that bright white cheesey ceiling just steals the show huh! ugh! That is what I have this week, next week, and really I will show more next week, even though last time I said that and didn't show up until THIS week; well, whatever. I really REALLY mean it this time. I will show my bird tree; YEAH still looking for new birds, I guess EVERY freaking BODY bought birds this year. Oh, and my FONTINA! My OTHER , no my ONLY Mantel, because the other fireplace isn't a Mantel really more of a landing. So, come on back next week. I will so try to take a pic of my silly van stickers, too. I suppose! Thanks for stopping by. Merry Christmas[...]

Dec'in the Halls - Part 1


Last year, after Christmas, I bought this gorgeous white tree. I just knew I wanted a white tree. I knew I no longer wanted to deal with hanging lights, or sucking up the needles every single day. after day, after day. I didn't want to undress my beautiful, decorated tree to water it every stinking day, just to re dress and decorate, and clean the needles AGAIN. This year, I am very happy with my tree; well, that is, the tree in my living room. This year, I have two trees. This is our White tree (in the living room).I have decorated it with these fabulous vintage ornaments I inherited from my neighbor Millie. They are so vibrant against the white, and remind me of my Mom's tree when I was a little girl. It is so colorful.I go back and forth between the robins egg blue and the pink, trying to decide which are my favorites. But I still keep coming back to the blue with much stronger feelings. They are so tranquil and sweet. Not to mention, they do match my blocks from last year quite well.I love that it takes up such little space. Next week, I will display my Bird tree for you. In the meantime, don't forget to visit to see more decorations. My link isn't working, sorry.[...]

So Thankful


I had a wonderful Thanksgiving; complete with my entire family here at my home. This is my Mom and Dad, and of course my silly girl, Lexi.This is my brother Jimmy in his new kitchen - congrats to you, Jim.. We were celebrating Kaila's birthday. It was a very busy week.My sis Denise.My baby sis, Jamie and her husband Bill and their daughter Alyssa. They came in from KY and stayed for the week with us. It was a great week, other than we were all sick with a mad head cold. All but Bill, he somehow was lucky enough to escape it.Their little happy man, Aiden who is always ready to smile for the camera.Alyssa and Nick playing Crazy Eights. She looks pretty serious, doesn't she.She is just beautiful. I miss them all so much. We had such a great, great time. The good news is, they are thinking of coming back home next summer. To live! I have been decorating for Christmas since the week of Thanksgiving; with little bits of it here and there. But now, I'm just going all out on every floor, well except for the sleeping floor. I've decided against that. We are the only one's to go up, so I'm keeping my decorations where they can be seen. I have two and 1/2 trees up so far, two Nativities, 4 wreaths, actually I forgot to count my little fairy. Anyway, I need to get going for the party tomorrow!!! gotta deck my halls[...]

Fairy Decor


I have been listening to Christmas music for roughly two weeks now. I have slowly started to put some decorations out for the Thanksgiving/Christmas season. You know, the in-between time that comes. Not yet Christmas Tree time, but Halloween is over. Not quite time to thaw the birds. I'm excited - my sister is coming in from Kentucky with her family for Thanksgiving, she'll be coming in this Saturday. I haven't seen her in oh, four years. The kids barely remember each other. My family will be here, in my home for Thanksgiving. My whole family.

Even my little fairy door is decorated for the occasion! It looks so cute in person. I'm on the lookout for a mailbox. Not an easy find. I must be looking in the wrong place. The wreath is actually real. I made it a teeny tiny replica of the one on my door. I chopped up a tree in my yard, well some branches anyway, and fashioned me a wreath out of it. So very Martha of me. I know I will get that from my family next week.

For now, I need to continue to get my home ready for the onslaught of family and decor to fill the place. Tomorrow, I think I may bring out my new tree! Yes, a week before Thanksgiving.

Crazy me.
Hoping you are pain-free

The Colors of death


Fall in NY is, without a doubt, breath-taking to drink in by sight. How poetic, right. The colors are just incredible, abundant. Everywhere. Right now, we are at peak season. Unfortunately, so is my personal ogre. I managed two days of infusion, wished for more, but the weekend came. Hard. On Sunday, I actually uttered the words, "please just let me die. I want to die!" Which of course brought to mind, my KIDS! So what was I thinking??? It wasn't that I really, really wished death on myself, just well, I couldn't take it anymore. I still can't. It's still there, lingering; a bit less than yesterday, but there. Today, a much better day by far really. I was able to sweep the floors. Yes, a great and wonderful day was had by me. The bending over thing though, not a good idea. That is, unless I was into the dizzy thing. For the record, I'm so not. It just increases the pain and makes me SICK to my stomach all over again. And to make the day all the more interesting, I had the misfortune of driving today. oops.I had no intentions of doing so, it was a mistake really. But my girl needed to be picked up and I was the only avail driver. scary. glaring sun in my eyes was no help. Thankfully, we made it safely. Poor kid wasn't feeling well herself.Tomorrow, I meet with my pain doc and we will talk about the stim device. for me. I've been reading up on it, online, not convinced one way or another really. Just tired of living the way I have been. Sick in pain. Rather, painfully sick. The ONE medication I can take for preventative, my insurance refuses to pay for. So tomorrow should be interesting. To think of the amount of treatments, hospitals, medications, injections, states, doctors, different methods, the money we have spent, time; it is amazing to me. Still, we fight with our insurance company. Unreal. So, what am I supposed to be doing right now? I stared a mural, actually, a three-wall mural maybe two weeks ago. So far, all that I was able to accomplish was the pencil drawing. I feel awful, I don't know when I will be able to get back to it. I guess I'll get to it when I do....Wishing you a pain free dayDeborah[...]

another migraine


Struck. again. This time, I believe I know the cause. I'm blaming my insurance company. For almost two years, my doctor and I have been fighting them to keep a drug that has been keeping the monster at bay. Keeping it in a sleeping mode. Keeping me home, away from the life I was living in the hospital.

On Friday, the monster came knocking. HARD. I was taking the medication, Namenda, every other day, winding down my dosage to it's inevitable end. I gave myself a shot in the hip of Toradol, my only abortive, it graciously took the edge off. But on Saturday it was back with a vengance, and I was down for the day. I tried my abortive, but it just wouldn't deliver any relief.

By Monday, I was done with the Namenda and the monster was in full gear - wreaking it's anger and wrath on and in my head, my stomach, my back. Everything hurt. Nothing was working to relieve he pain. Tuesday evening, I started getting spasms in my spine, thru my back and out my eye and the top of my head - like a spike was being thrust thru me. Today, the pain was worse. I couldn't sit or lay down, only walk thru the pain, to release some of the tension. I couldn't wait to get to the infusion center today, to start the onslaught of drugs that I'm hoping, will break the pain.

Once there, and the iv started, the spasms started again, this time after I had received Benedryl and Mag sulfate, so I was a bit groggy and not about to walk anywhere. Thankfully, it didn't last as long as it did lastnight or this afternoon. I stood at my chair stomping my feet, trying to beat the pain out of my spine and back.

For anyone who thinks a migraine is just a bad headache; I challenge them to hang with a migraineur on a bad day. or a good day, even a good day with one of those low-grade migraines, come and hang out with me, you'll see it's not just a stinking headache. No, it's much worse. It doesn't involve just my head either; but my stomach wants so badly to just hurl anything. But most times, I cannot eat TO hurl. Oh, and let's not forget about the visual spirals and geometrical weird stuff that I see and hear. Yes, hear. The screaching, screaming, sirens, everything is louder than it should be, and brighter than bright. Nope, definitely NOT just a headache.

We are now contacting the pharmaceutical company for the drug I need. Letting them know my insurance company sucks. out. loud.

Well, I really hope you are pain-free

Didn't See it Coming


It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how vague or brilliant the aura, I refuse to recognize it for what it is. Have you ever done that? Even when it has sound, which it did this time around, well that is actually normal for me; anyway, there were the lights and zigzags, and the screaches, and still, I denied it was coming.And even when I woke with it, I still didn't want to call it what it really was; I thought I had a bug. (what????) Stupid me.Alas, I finally gave in and injected myself with my trusty toradol (chiming bells inserted here) and it eased up. ta da. How is it, that after several thousands of migraines, I still refuse to recognize it's coming?? Is it blatant denial? Or stupidity on my part? In the end, I see it for what it is, the monster, accept that it has come, and deal with it. Well, not so much accept as hmmmmm, know it's there. I refuse to accept them. I don't want them, therefore, I cannot accept them.This past Tuesday, I had another round of cryoanalgesia, followed by, rather - triggering the migraine for the day. and the next day. But it works for me; it takes them down a notch and keeps me free from migraine for longer periods. Rather than daily migraine, I live with 1 to 3 per week. That is a remarkable upgrade in living conditions for me.Perhaps the fewer migraines are causing me to become comfortable in the lack of them. Thus, the denial. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.Fall has landed here, the weather is cooler, it is darker at an earlier hour. The weather patterns are changing from dry and warm, to cool and rainy. Spring and Fall are so beautiful, but they affect me terribly. We have talked about moving South, but cannot right now. I would love to be able to play outside longer than we can here in the Northeast. I just hate the idea of winter coming; the idea of having to stay indoors for months to come. I'm not ready for the cold. It makes my body hurt, my head ring and scream with pain. I hate it! We had this beautiful fog fall in the park across the street tonight. It's getting cooler. I am sure the pic does it no justice. It was so beautiful with the sky glowing behind it. You could smell smoke from a fireplace in the air. mmmmmmm, what a yummy smell. I cannot wait to light up the fireplace this year!! But, I'm not ready YET for the change to all cold days and nights. Next week, Lexi will be moving to an adult hab home. I cannot wait to show the pics of the house. It's so homey and warm. Rather than 5 girls, where she is now; she will be one of three girls in the new home. There is REAL furniture, rather than the "institutional" style in the house she is at now. She will also be closer to our home and church. I am so excited to move her in, and decorate her room. We've already done some shopping for her, and I painted a new desk for her computer. It is soooooo exciting. Tonight, DH is starting, the kids are in bed. The pups are curled up sleeping. Oh, and I am migraine-free. for now. Wishing you a pain-free dayDeborah[...]

30 Things.....


In observation of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week, (wow, that is a mouthful!), I have taken on the challenge, well not necessarily challenge but (I am stuck for the correct term ) - I am participating, yes, that's it, with an activity: a "meme," 30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know. You can play along, too. If you are a reader with an Invisible Illness, take the "meme" to your site.First of all, for those who do not know what an Invisible Illness is, it is one that has no visible identity. I do not use a walker or cane or a wheelchair; though at times, I am unable to keep my balance and would profit from such. I do not have a hearing aide; although at times I wish I could turn the volume down on life, as it gets way too loud for me. I just live with pain. hmmm, "just," well not quite. On with the "meme"1. The illness I live with: I have Migraine Disease2. I was diagnosed in the year: It has always been a part of my life; but the word "migraine" was first said to me in 1992.3. But I had symptoms since: I have always had them, for as long as I can remember.4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make: Slowing down, especially when I know it's coming. The migraine, that is.5. Most people assume: head pain is the only symptom of Migraine Disease; and that it is not a disease, but simply a headache.6. The hardest thing about morning is: waking up in pain when my family needs me.7. My favorite medical TV show is: Gray's Anatomy8. A gadget I couldn't live without: without a doubt, my earplugs9. The hardest part about night: being awake when I should be sleeping. the tossing and turning and just hoping I can sleep is torture. Without enough sleep, I'm destined for another monster.10. Each day I take: I am down to only 8 meds per day. My insurance company has refused me two of my medications that worked to keep them under control. In the event of the monster, I must take more meds to kill it.11. Regarding alternative treatments: I have used chiropractic care, and am on a new drink (new for me) called Xango. It is from the mangostene plant12. If I had to choose between an invisible or visible illness: I will deal with what I'm dealt thank you.13. Regarding working and career. hmmmm......I take care of my family, so I am able to work from home - HA. The last job I had, I was forced to quit due to migraine.14. People would be surprised to know: aura are the most beautiful and energetic part of my migraine. They mesmerize me.15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: knowing my kids may develop them.16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: go to see DMB live!!!17. The commercials about my illness: hardly touch on the reality of migraine18. Something I really miss doing: this is more of a miss-out for me; I wish I could travel with my husband. He loves to travel, but because I don't do well with it, I get ill and migrainey, I don't travel.19. It was really hard to have to give up: foods I love that are triggers for migraine.20. A new hobby I have taken up: painting furniture21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: travel with my husband22. My illness has taught me: to rest when my body tells me to. That is really is OK to take naps when I feel lousy.23. Want to know a secret? One thing that gets under my skin is: when people have the "answers" because they read it somewhere!!!24. But I love it when people: are actually informed; ask questions; seek professional advice.25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" Phil 4:132[...]



It's a Rooster Party!! And I have roosters. I honestly didn't realize just how many I have. The border, I put up when I first moved in and this is all that is left. I have been taking it down to redo my kitchen.I believe I may be due for some new plates. Oh, and I did fix the crooked one. I love the basket, for some reason, paper plates and dinnerware keep ending up here for summer. I usually have towels folded up in it.I love my canisters, thank you Target. OOOH, I just remembered I have a dish for my garlic that matches. (oops).The pretty tin is from a craft sale. I wish I had 2 more.I painted the potholder holder. I am eventually covering the ugly tile with stainless backing.I can't keep anyone from touching my towels, drying or wiping their hands on them, or basically just leave them alone. I would prefer to keep them as decoration, but it just hasn't worked out yet for me. I do iron them before I hang them so they look nice. And then, they get used.this pretty girl is from my little old lady friend that used to live next door. I miss her. She was such a wonderful ol' gal.I think I'm obsessed. But they're so cute. I saw a life-sized rooster, complete with feathers a few days ago, but I'm holding out for the sale.I love this little teapot. thank you Cracker Barrel. LOVE their store!I need to change the color of my dining room. I did pick a color. I still like the wine color, which never comes out in pictures. It looks like dark purple, and it's not. I chose a nice soft robin's egg blue, again! I love the color. It'll open the room up a little and make it bigger in appearance.OH just let me tell you about the wine - it is fabulous for the price! I had to have it, just for the rooster, and ended up loving it.Don't you just love the vintage apron?? It's so adorable.The canisters were from a friend from high school; actually, her Mom had given them to me when I got my first apartment. I found the salt and pepper shakers at a flea market. I now have a full set. Love them.more Cracker Barrel - the rooster figurine salt and pepper shakers. Oh and the other towel to the set.My coasters! I have 4, all a little different, but you get the idea.This is the one I just bought. Isis is afraid of it. I also bought a crow and it's freaking everyone out. Time to get a few more. I hope you like my roosters. I'm currently working on a beautiful cabinet I just acquired from my sister and her boyfriend. I need to get to Hob Lob to find the knobs and some more little pieces for it. I did some stenciling with joint compound on it. I think I may do it somewhere in the house. Sooooo easy. I just can't wait to show it.I'm off to see more roosters.[...]

oh, how they grow


What a beautiful bride was she. It still chokes me up to think she is a married woman. I have known this young lady since the was a beautiful newborn baby. She and Lexi were always so cute together. I remember watching her little milestones; sitting, crawling, her first steps. Though my little Lexi would take much longer to reach them, it was always with joy that I watched Amy make hers. No jealousy or envy, but joy to see a child walk with so much enthusiasm. If memory serves, I believe she was running almost as soon as she walked. She was so cute.Ugh, and now she is all grown up. My how the time flies. Seriously, where do 21 years go, and why do we not just treasure every second of them?? I was looking at her on Friday, all grown and so beautiful; and this time, just for a moment, I thought of Lexi. What would she be like, if not.....well, oh how do I put it???? Mentally retarded? Would she marry at 21? Would she have gone to college and found her sweetheart there? No sadness here, just wondering. But she is Lexi, and I love her exactly the way she is. She is so fortunate to not endure the worries of daily life and stress like we do.I have pics of these two, Marisa now 17 and Michael the same age, running around at age 3 in the nude. Pics of them at just days old in a playpen together. Of course, Marisa was screaming her head off. They are only 5 birth days apart in age. Oh, he is Amy's brother. (Amy and Lexi are only 3 weeks apart). We were always together, the kids playing together, fighting with each other, thinking they were cousins for years.Look how nice they all looked. They are growing up too fast. Michael and Cinderisa are now entering their senior year; Chrisarella in her freshman year, and the boy is in third. Funny thing, Lexi and Cinderisa will both be graduating this year. My babies are growing up. Philip is getting married. He is in love and she is just wonderful! It's so funny to see his demeanor change when he talks to her or about her - he's all goofy and mushy. He's so cute. Why must they grow up so fast??? It can't be possible that I have a 21 year old!!! ugh[...]

R and R


Meet my wonderful in-laws. How cute are they? Oh, we were celebrating the 4th of July (duh), for those that were wondering why...... The necklaces and hat were required for him to wear as he was the oldest, well, until this little cutie pie arrived. Some family we had been able to meet - she is 90! You should see her move! too cute.With her is Les, and he is very busy finding lots and lots of lost family members with the Scripa name around the US and Italy and Australia! This is the notebook he carries with him to trackeveryone, and I do mean, EVERYONE, that he finds. He is serious and amazing at what he does. I wish I had the time and energy to tell you what he has done for my in-laws. I will tell you this: he took them to Italy to meet new family. Amazing. He finds family everywhere he goes.Here is an idea of just how small our world is: these two boys,belong to these two (different) Moms; You have to look closely - it's the brunette and red-head in the background. Anyway, they found each other in karate class. They have the same last name. Our last name. Look, it's not like our name is Smith or Jones here. And, she just happens to be the grand-daughter of the 90 year old. Who is (of course) related. Small, small world.So after the wonderful celebration of the fourth; Frank and I took the kids to the Adirondacks for a little vaca. We usually go to Virginia Beach, which is nice and beachy and all. But I hate the long drive, the humidity, the long drive (can you say car-sick) the immense amount of people, heat. It's beautiful, I'll give it that, but a bit too.......commercial for my liking. Overcrowded. I needed peaceful. He delivered. Thank you so very much, Frankie. I really needed it.This is my Isis after a much-need restful little week in the Adirondack's. She stayed in those shades for five minutes or more. She is a crazy little thing.The girls took her out in the lake and taught her to swim. She was hysterical; each time Cinderisa would pick her body up out of the water, her paws would still be moving like she was swimming. We couldn't stop laughing at her.Here, the kids are rowing a canoe. In the pouring rain. In circles. Nearly into the shore. Very entertaining I might add. Why they wanted to go in the rain - got me.This was pretty much ALL we did, sat by a campfire. I miss the campfire, the peacefulness, the darkness and oh the complete quiet that was all around.I am looking forward to the getaway that Frank and I are taking next week. We need it. The kids are going to Disney with their Dad; and I just pray they have a safe and wonderful time. Especially since they are flying for their first time.[...]

Garbage Picking - Stress Relief


This incredible little piece was left alone; all sad and by itself just waiting for someone to come and give it some love. The former owner had no use for it any longer. He decided the landfill was a better place to put it. But I saw it, and I saw that it had great bones. It sat in my garage for a year, until now:I needed the stress release in a big way. It's been so busy here. This was just the project I needed. I love the way it turned out. Please let me know what you think of it.Fleur de lis is one of my favorite things. The colors are much better in real life; the camera does it no justice. My favorite place, Hob Lob is where I get my knobs and pulls. I can't stay away from the place. I must must show you the lamps and candle holders I just got. Next time. I cannot wait to do another project. oooh, what to do??As for my monster, so far so good, he has been keeping under cover. Although, the aura the last few days have been pretty vivid, hmmm, weird. Wishing you all pain-free days. Deborah[...]

Blooming all Around


I just love the colors in my front gardens. The constant rain and low temperatures are keeping everything lush and vibrant. As for the gardens out back, it has been a work in progress to keep the dogs out. We also put a raised veggie garden in. I'll post that another day.Now onto my great finds of the weekend: How adorable is this little frog and bird?? The frog reminds me of the Frog and Toad book character. 50cents for both. The little key holder - 25cents.The ugly butterflies are plastic, I can't wait to paint them!!! $1. These are going to be on the front of my house, I think; with the look of very aged rust. Yes, I think that would look lovely. Or maybe a blue? No no, that will just not do. Oh, I almost forgot the bundle of paint brushes I found for $1. Too late to post. My favorite find is this: $2 chair, I can't wait to paint this one, maybe a deep aqua.oh and a refrigerator dish for 75 cents - LOVE ITSO WHAT DID YOU FIND ON YOUR WEEKEND??[...]

Infusion - 101



If you've have the (ha!) wonderful experience of infusion for your monster, then you, no doubt totally get this picture. My wonderful little daughter, Cinderisa painted this for me, well, of me. She is so talented. Though, she is a tad ousted, as it's not finished. whatever.

She explains that it's the poison entering my body to beat the migraine. I felt it necessary to share. I love the colors, the facial expression, all of it. She really captures the feeling of pain quite well, don't you agree?

The past few nights have awaken me with the most incredible aura again. So vivid and racing; screaming and colorful. In a very sick sense. Thankfully, I haven't experienced the monster with it. Yet. Though I do know it is only a matter of time before HE graces me with His utter presence. And I will be perhaps, hooked up like the painting. Dripping with it's poison through me, as it tries to alleviate the pain of the monster within.

But for now, I am well, HA HA!!! Stay away I say! Stay far FAR away. Please just a few more days, plans plans plans, have we.

Wishing my Migraine friends a pain-free weekend.

Memorial Day?


Old Glory. ..... Hung at half it's mast, in honor of those who serve, have served, lost their lives; are missing still.How many of our freedoms are taken for granted, and are being lost daily, a little at a time?Does the sound of the horn bring you to tears? Do you even bother to go to listen? When the guns are fired, and the fallen soldier is saluted, is your head bowed in respect? Do you understand the tears in his eyes?Is a parade in your agenda, neighborhood, or have they become a memory of your childhood? They, I have found, are fading, and decreasing in size. As our older veterans are passing with time, our newer veterans of war, are not partaking in parades. Who do you see in the parade of Memorial Day? Look around you; it is stunning, to me, how sad it has become in our Nation. We have forgotten what freedom means.I remember grand parades, with floats, horses, fancy cars, several school bands, and local fire departments. The side of the road, BOTH sides were packed full of patrons, eager to see the parade. It was a high-light of summer's opening. Children were lined up on the curb, waiting for the candy to be thrown from the beautifully decorated floats. Music would be playing, horns blowing from the firetrucks. Guns in the back ground would make us jump.What has made us become so complacent? Why do we no longer care so much for the parades, the parties, our freedom to celebrate it? How incredibly sad. We do indeed need to change if desire to remain a FREE nation. What will YOU do to change that?These last two pictures are of Cinderisa and her sidekick; we were able to ride in the firetruck after the parade yesterday. Can you see the excitement in their eyes. Look at the joy in the men, a little thing like "a ride in a firetruck" was all it took. What will it be for you? Hey, I know that won't change the world, it wasn't my point, either. Afterall, riding in a firetruck couldn't possibly keep a nation free, right? But how did we get there? What did we do to obtain a ride in a County-paid firetruck on Memorial Day with a few decorated firemen???? We weren't afraid to ask. Speak up. Ask. One little lesson I told them both yesterday, "ask, speak up, open your mouth." I mean, if all you do is sit back and wait for everyone else to do all the work, NOTHING gets done.And we got to ride the firetruck. oh, and they did blow the horns. Hoping you have a pain-free day.Deborah[...]



This is Alexis; and no, she is NOT sitting on a toilet, she is getting a pedicure. By me. In her room, actually. Before the Prom. For anyone who knows me, I am NOT, I repeat, NOT NOT NOT a foot person. I abhor feet. Any and all, except for brand new baby feet, which I think are just adorable for reasons I don't know why myself, they are just the cutest. I do play with my cats feet. Oh and come to mention it, I like Isis' feet. I hate people feet. In all actuality, pets have paws, people don't, so that doesn't really count. I'm rambling. These are the conversations Frank hates to get into with me. I just go on and on. Forget what I was talking about. What WAS I talking about???Oh, the pedicure. That's right, I gave Alexis, not to confuse you with Lexi, that is my girl, and she didn't go to the Prom, although that would be so much fun to have her all dressed up and stuff.......drifting again. gave Alexis a pedicure, complete with rubbing her feet, and I don't normally touch feet of any kind, but I rather enjoyed it. I painted her nails after buffing her feet. And she looked so pretty. here, I'll show you. But first let me just tell you about this incredible young lady, she made her own dress. Made. Her. Own. Prom. Dress. Amazing.What an amazing girl. By the way, her parents were so nice to host the pre-Prom party and then the after-party for some of the girls.The guys, so very charming! All dressed up and they were so nice and well-mannered.Now Cinderisa decided she was going to do her own toes, and did not want the pedicure. She did let me do her hair. And I made her bracelet and matching anklet. Her necklace was a gift from Nonna from Italy. She looked so pretty.What a beautiful bunch of girls. The weather really stunk for pictures! We had a terrible storm system come through the area and two tornadoes touched down nearby. So unfortunately, it rained all day long, and hard.Today, my Lexi girl attended the Special Olympics (scholastic) and received a blue ribbon - 1st place for 35m race. She was very proud of it. Not too shabby for a little girl, rather young lady I was told would never walk.I just love this picture of her looking up in the sun. It's too sweet. Just like her. She is the sweetest thing, really. So innocent and wonderful. I am truly a blessed woman to have such beautiful children. Thank you, Lord. What a wonderful gift.On Tuesday I went in for my scheduled Cryo-procedure, and I'm quite certain he hit both nerves this time around. Oh yes, I'm sure of it. I went straight to bed when I got home from surgery, and my head felt as though my brain was short-circuiting. The "zip-zapping" was starting and the strangest of all auras that stream and fly and race around in the zig-zagging ways. The sounds that came along "whizzing" "buzzing" "whirrling" "humming" in the high-pitch and low-moan all at the same time. Undescribable really, and yet easy to see in my mind and hear. so so very hard to explain. Only someone who knows can really get it, or explain it, or understand what I mean. If I'd never encountered it before, I'd swear I was going crazy. But I'd been in this aura and meanness of migraine too many many MANY times before. The clutching of the claws around my scalp, the gouging of my eyeballs as they are being blown out of their sockets. The fork tines as they scrape their sounds in my ears and ring in the heart of my teeth.Where do the sounds come from? And from nowhere? How can [...]




If you've never heard the mating call of a fox at 4:30 in the morning, startling you from the slumber of your hard-to-find sleep, you just don't know what you're missing. It has a sort of hoarse sound of a woman screaming, if you can understand that. It's very creepy. And when you're asleep, startled, and hear it, you really think it is a woman screaming.

This fox, well, not this exact fox - lives in the little bit of woods that runs along the back of our property, that aligns the property along the neighborhood behind us. Every few weeks, it calls out in the middle of the night, for hours, screaming and screaching for a mate. Apparently, no mate has been found.

Poor, sad, lonely little loud-mouth fox. I heard him, and I'm sure it was a him, why afterall would a her yell in the middle of the night for a him?? HA! I heard him through my earplugs. He yelled his red fluffy head off for over an hour or more. She never does come to the den for him, or maybe she does, and then she runs away and that's why he start screaming again.

(image) Yesterday, and Tuesday I was suffering with the monster. I aborted, to no avail, was awaken with aura, the typical screaming in the ears, fuzzy wuzzy feeling that seems to come with it and a full schedule, to which was shortened from the monster. Today, the buzzing in my head and the monster are taking over; and yet the sun shining in my window is making me want to, no think of doing something other than rest. But I know I can't do it for now. I should just jab myself and make it go away.

Don't you just love the pic! Cinderisa did this in art class, pretty good indication of our migraine on abortive. OR, the poison leaving the brain. She does good migraine art for a kid who hasn't had a migraine, but must endure watching her Mom suffer.

Ok, time to abort the monster and get out in this positively beautiful day the Lord has given me. For all you Mom's out there, I wish you a wonderful Mother's Day, and a pain-free on at that.




Hello again my faithful followers. Thank you for visiting. It has been an interesting month indeed. It's hard to believe that May is here already. (note to self, pics of green must be taken before the snow flies)

I visited my neuro a few weeks ago, and now, ugh, here is what we are looking at: since my only abortive, now via injection, is lacking in it's working ability; it's now time to consider the neuro-stim device, as the cryo seems to work pretty well. Soooooooo, when I see my pain doc next week, it's time to get the insurance company to agree - which should prove interesting, since they are still in disagreement for Namenda!!!! Wish me luck.

I have been reluctant to agree to the device(s) for the past two years with my pain doc, and since the cryo has been proving itself to keep the migraines somewhat lower than normal, well, I suppose it's time to give it a try.

Oh joy, the weather has changed again, you just gotta love Spring! Woke up, well, sort of, not really, just rolled over - the other day feeling that, you know, sick migrainey feeling all over. You know the feeling right? Stomach sort of ickey-like, numb in the face, ears ringing, pins and needles feeling, not quite right, yawning, out of sorts, HEY, I feel like that right now. And like I want to just go back to bed. Unfortunately, due to my schedule today, I cannot. I will get through the day, I will get through the day.

So, here I go. I can do this. fuzzy, yes, but I can still do it.

May you all have pain-free days.

Neglectful Me


Hello again to my poor neglected site. I haven't exactly forgotten that you exist, it's just that, well, I have had other things going on in my life. Funny how the title of my blog has a way of making that happen.I received an email reminding me of my site, that I had been missed. Ooops. I am truly sorry if I have left anyone out due to Migraine, nausea, vertigo, aura, etc. But please, don't let that bother you; I wouldn't allow the monster to completely take over my life without attempting to live.You see, I have attended a Tea Party. I am living!Oh, and I also went to the Country, Wine country. As you can see by this incredibly colorful tray, we made sure we ate well.The kids and I colored eggs;We also attended a live Easter Drama. So you can see, we have been busy. And all while I have been migraining. Yes, I AM amazing. I know. It's not easy being me. How beautiful are these kids of mine! Oh, pray for me, Cinderisa has started - UGH - Driver's Ed. Four days per week. Yes, I am busy. (and I get emailed regarding the neglect of my site) the nerve!!! Praying you are migraine-freeDeborah[...]