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The Cranky Blog



Surprisingly, there are still things in this world that make me cranky.



Updated: 2014-10-05T02:55:39.331-05:00

 



One way to look at the election...

2008-07-08T12:14:22.093-05:00

From The Dilbert Blog:

When it comes to picking our next president, I can't decide if I prefer
the smooth-talking, inspirational candidate who promises to give my
money to people who don't work as hard as I do, or the old, short,
ugly, angry guy with one good arm who graduated at the bottom of his
class and somehow managed to shag a hot heiress and become a contender
for president. It seems dangerous to underestimate that guy.



Rules of Engagement

2007-11-19T11:31:11.339-06:00

From Reasoned Audacity, via Tom McMahon:

Marine Corps Rules
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional, but, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always win. There is no unfair fight.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.



Travel Tip

2007-08-01T12:49:50.460-05:00

From Patrick Smith, of Salon.com's "Ask the Pilot" column, explaining why he packs 5 packets of Ramen in his flight bag:

Finally, and most critically, five packets of Maruchan-brand instant ramen (assorted flavors).

If you fail to grasp why ramen noodles would be an imperative part of my repertoire, you've never been a very hungry and very broke pilot checking into a motel at midnight for an eight-hour layover. There are tastier things to eat, but ramen is cheap, it never goes bad, and its rapid cookability ensures you're rested in time for that 6:30 wakeup call.

The cellophane brick variety is preferable to the kind in Styrofoam cups because it's easier to pack and impervious to damage. Directions: 1) Rinse out the filter basket assembly of your hotel room coffee maker; 2) crush noodle brick into the carafe; 3) partially fill coffee maker with water, and switch on; 4) once carafe is full, wait three minutes; 5) drain carefully, add flavor packet, turn on Comedy Central and enjoy.

Don't overfill, and always be sure the filter basket is clean, as coffee-flavored ramen is even worse than "Creamy Chicken." Remember to carry a plastic fork (to replace the metal one stolen by the TSA), or you'll be forced to eat with your hands, or by holding two pencils in the shape of chopsticks. (If need be, you will do it, because you're that hungry, and you will feel ashamed about it the next day, when you're exhausted again and wondering if maybe you should have joined a troupe of traveling mimes instead of giving your life to the airlines.)

Truly news you can use.



How the world works

2007-04-12T23:05:27.359-05:00

In the book To Sail Beyond the Sunset, Robert Heinlein had two of his characters have the following conversation (which I am paraphrasing):

"Why don't they ..."

"Whenever a question starts out 'Why don't they', the answer is always 'money'."

This is a far more useful observation than the often quoted TANSTAAFL.



We don't need your stinkin' money!

2007-04-12T13:05:02.311-05:00

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