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Preview: Fun, Education, Poker, The Sex Family

Fun, Education, Poker, The Sex Family

Updated: 2014-10-04T23:47:08.741-07:00


The 'Sex' father gives me a Wake-up Call


Several days later my phone rang around 7:30 in the morning. I had actually walked my shepherd about an hour earlier, and having been up most of the night, had gone back to sleep. So, no longer used to 'wake-up calls' I might have sounded a bit grumpy -not to mention sleepy.
A man's mildly excited voice was talking rather rapidly, it seemed and not making sense. It sounded like "thank you, it's time for more sex, come on over and join us fast". When I told him that I thought he had the wrong number (even groggy I knew that I had not gotten such an offer for many, many years - in fact I actually began thinking if I ever did get such an offer - but I was trying to be polite) he mentioned my full name. He slowed his rate of speech enough for me to clearly understand him trying to thank me, and asking me over for some coffee or breakfast. Still groggy, I realized who it had to be, and I had him hold on for a minute and stumbled toward pencil and paper. I asked him for his number and told him I'd call him back in about 10 minutes.
Closer to 20 minutes, and awake this time I called him back.
It was, indeed, the father of the 'Sexes' that had called. It seems that his son, "Tymfo", had been charged at by a neighborhood pit bull mixture breed, had held his ground while calmly recalling my role play almost a week earlier. He did exactly as he was instructed, and the dog did just what I told him the dog would do under those circumstances. Not only was his son not bitten this time, but the dog, after circling him, turned around and went back to its owner. "Mor Sex" enthusiastically invited me over to thank me for instructing his kids on that type of situation, and for befriending them.
I told him the timing was all wrong for me - I really hate to visit my neighbors while still in my underwear, and , besides, I sometimes really stink without a shower.
We arranged a 2:00 P.M. arrival at his house - with my shepherd.

Would Sex by any other name be Sex


I asked the young man to give me an example, and he obliged -with a huge smile on his face.
Some years ago, we had just moved and my school records hadn't arrived at the new school. The teacher, who happened to be young and pretty, had actually asked each student to stand and introduce themselves, and to say a sentence or two about themselves.
When it was my turn, I stood up and said: let's have sex (sorry) "Letsav Sex". "I'm 16 years old", and that was as far as I got.
The teacher turned red, hoarsely screeched: "how dare you?" and sent me to the principal's office.
Needless to say the rest of the class was absolutely hysterical -boys and girls actually rolling on the floor.

At the principal's office, a nice, apparently new, and nubile office assistant simply asked my name and what I was doing there. I got as far as my name. In the middle of her lecture, after she had finished screaming at me, the principal emerged, also female. The office assistant explained her version of the excitement. I took the time to write out my real name. That seemed to quell some of the emotion.
Of course that wasn't the first, or last, incident, but thinking about it does make me laugh.
And very similar things have happened to my sisters and brothers.
By this time, the dog's duty done, I asked "Knotenuf" if he wanted to finish the walk, to which he eagerly assented. I gave him just about the same instructions I had given to his brothers and sister some days earlier, and he very happily took the shepherd's leash.
As we neared my house and concluded the walk, I remarked "you certainly have a remarkable family and I hope I get to meet the rest of you soon."

talking? to 'Sex'


I told him that I was annoyed at this effusive show of appreciation because it was so unneccessary, and that we could talk, but we had to walk at the same time.
My duty then was to the dog's 'duty'. As we ambled, I advised the eldest brother of my affinity for dogs and kids, but that being friendly didn't mean that either of us were moving into the others house. (I really like my space.)
I added that all I really wanted to do was welcome them to the neighborhood and to 'put my money where my mouth was' i.e. - demonstrate that welcome, and then, with a smile, "perhaps acquire one or two dog-walkers in the process; not to mention wood-stackers, 'lawn-mowers', leaf-rakers, house-painters, etc.,etc." I went on - before either lad could say anything - "besides, with your names, you have enough to deal with now, and probably will continue to have some difficulties." I added "I must admit to my curiosity about some of your family's adventures and to how and when you got your names."

"Letsav" was quite used to the curiosity but not the matter-of-fact tone of my comment. With appreciation - he apparently was glad I was not smiling, smirking or snide - he proffered, "our folks could be more accurate than we could about the family name, but it did start when our great, great grandparents emigrated from Europe; and yes, although each of us has had a few problems because of our name, the pluses have far outweighed the minuses.
Each of us has actually had some funny and interesting experiences.
Most of us will tell you about them if you ask."

Another 'Sex'


They then departed each winking at me as if they were just joking, but I knew they weren't. When they turned back to wave at me from half-way up the street I was still standing in the door-way with dog, my eyes and mouth wide open and the laughter I was suppressing kept its rise to the surface.
I let it go as I closed the door.
A couple of days later, while strolling with shepherd, I heard my name being bellowed from the equivalent of a block away and turned to see "Knotenuf Sex" (pronounced not enough sex, the 14-year old) running towards me with a young man in his 20's. I paused, waiting for them and again held my hand up (like a school crossing guard) telling them to stop when they were about 10 feet away.
No nonsense 'Nir Nir Nit' nearly pulled my arm off straining to get to them and I remembered that I had never given any introductory instructions to this younger brother. The running toward us evidently excited the dog and I asked them both to wait a moment while I calmed her down and had her seated. I prefer not to 'yank her chain' if it's not absolutely necessary.
I repeated the same instructions to both youngsters that I had given to their brother, "Iwant", days earlier, asking them to approach slowly with their hands extended - palm down - advising them that the dog was going to sniff and circle when I released her, which I then did; and she then did. They both repeated the scratching ritual and were a bit perplexed when the dog did not lay down and roll over for her belly-rub. I explained that she still had some 'business' to take care of and would oblige afterwards. "Knotenuf" introduced me to his oldest brother' "Letsav Sex", (pronounced - Let's have Sex) who, it turned out, was 23 years old, had the physique of a pro-football safety, and had earned two degrees, both earned over the internet. "Letsav" effusively exhorted his appreciation for my 'kindness' to his siblings - which annoyed me somewhat.

'Sex Self-Confidence; + difficult Dogs?


I then asked each of them to practice, then and there, what they would do, and how they would do it, while I pretended to be the aggressive dog. Oh, well, I've been called a S.O.B. often enough, and I'm foaming at the mouth too much for my own liking. I questioned each to see if they were comfortable with the information (see previous post) and thought they could act in the prescribed manner if necessary. I corrected them on the eye contact. When someone or something is charging at you, it's quite normal to look right at it or them. It's rather difficult to not look at the charger.
Realizing that I was not completely clear, I corrected myself as well as the kids. Of course you were going to look at the one or thing coming at you, but you can do it out of the corner of your eye, or by looking over the dog's head, or it's feet - not squarely in the eye.
I don't know why, but looking at an aggressive dog squarely in the eye is most often taken as a hostile challenge by canines. I guess it can be the same with homo sapiens too.
I wanted them to have a little more self-confidence should the situation repeat itself. They did seem to 'get it.'
On their way out I told them to feel free to let me know if they would like to walk the dog (OK - so you guessed my ulterior motive), and, my curiosity got the best of me - being too closely connected to my shepherd, I guess.
Good Sex (did it again)- I mean "Gud Sex" volunteered, with a straight face, no less: "my dad's name is "Mor Sex", pronounced (more sex); and her younger sister, too much sex (sorry,) "Tumuch Sex" followed with : "and our mom's name is "Yes Sex".
They're both professional poker players and are away at a tournament for the rest of this week.

So I was a Bad Dog, Mad Dog, for an Hour


When they calmed down, I told them to withhold that information (their parents' names) from me at least until I could relate the reasons for their visit, lest I, too, become overtaken with hyper-ventilating hysteria.
While they were drinking their sodas, I advised them that I was far from a dog expert but nevertheless, should a dog in whatever degree of fervor and of any size charge at you, to stay absolutely still, try to stay absolutely calm (a deep breath and even longer exhale really helps), not look at the dog (absolutely no eye contact), even turning sideways if time permits, not raise their hand in any manner and to remember that any dog will sense whatever degree of anxiety or fear they might have.
I pantomimed, in slow motion, what their reaction should be (I couldn't use my dog because she was too comfortably stretched out.) When the aggressive, charging dog stops or starts sniffing and circling (and it will)- still not to look at the dog but take a small step in its direction (yes - toward the dog) with your hands still preferably at your sides. Virtually any dog, again- short of a trained attack dog - will usually calm down. Then, again without looking at the animal and being careful to avoid physical contact take another small step towards the dog.
The real secret is in staying calm, perhaps by thinking of some pleasurable experience or good grade. I concluded with: "then, if the dog still proceeds to bite you, I'll be glad to drive you to the hospital to get your stitches."
Although those few simple steps have helped me many times I could only hope it would help these five lovely children, whose names by themselves would evoke an infinite variety of reactions from others.

The Sex kids at my House


At my house the next day, after the dog did her ritual smelling of each kid, I said to them that I believed their surname was "Sachs" or "Saks".
They corrected the spelling, and introduced the other brother and sister who came back out with Good Sex (sorry -"Gud") yesterday as 14 year old brother, not enough sex, spelled "Knotenuf Sex" and 13 year-old sister "Tumuch Sex",pronounced too much sex. I could not possibly hide the grin (I really kept it from being a smirk), and told them of the trials and tribulations (of which they were all obviously well aware) their names would bring and that under no circumstances was I then going to ask what their parents', or grandparents' names were. That seemingly innocent statement opened up the box (once Pandora's) and all 5 kids broke into such hysterical laughter, simultaneously, as to bring tears to all and sink them to their knees on the dirty carpeting where dog + I sat (being a good host, I gave the children the couch and chairs).

Confused and now curious (and you should have seen how shepherd reacted), but undaunted, I retrieved 5 cans of soda from the fridge and placed them on the cocktail table (the kids were too occupied with their full-blown frolicking to hold them), and again sat down on the floor next to 'Nir Nir Nit' to wait out the maelstrom.

Overcoming Fear of Dogs


When I had "Nir Nir Nit's" leash back in my hand I asked: 1- if they were still so afraid of dogs, and 2- what had brought about this fear.
They told me of 'neighbors' who had let pit bulls and bull dogs (two breeds that I personally like, but are known for their aggression, and that should only be owned by people who not only love dogs but who know what they're doing,) run amok at two earlier homes they were in.
It turns out some ot their neighbors even incited the dogs to additional aggressiveness, including biting, whenever the children were in the vicinity of the dogs' homes (a total of four bites - four different kids - "Iwant" and "Tymfo" included - although, it turned out, none were serious.)
I told the 3 of them to come to my house the next day and I would teach them how to avoid that from ever happening again, but to call me up first - before coming over - or I would bite them each myself. "Gud" asked me to wait a minute and ran back to her house for a pencil and paper; returned with same and two more members of the Sex family, asking if they could come too. Glad for the diversion I readily agreed but also advised them that they would only be my guests for a maximum of an hour, at which time I would throw them all out.

And that was how I began to learn of the adventures, and mis-adventures, the fortunes and misfortunes, the problems and opportunities of the Sex family
to be cont'd

Ulterior Motives with the Sex's


When I asked (yes - I did have ulterior motives) if they would like to take her for a walk, the 3 jumped at the chance. I advised them to keep her at 'heel' (and how to do it) for about 2-3 minutes followed by the release command for about the same amount of time (in case she had any business to take care of) and then, to keep alternating the two.
I told them it was OK to take turns on the leash as long as they followed those instructions, and that I would follow at a distance.
Because the 3 kids were doing something for the first time that up until 20 minutes ago would have only brought anxiety attacks, and I noticed their growing joy and lowering levels of fear, I let them walk with the dog for a half hour before calling them back.
to be continued

'Learning' the Sex's


2- As "Iwant Sex" (yes, that's his name) was indulging the dog, I noticed two other youngsters, a very beautiful young lady about the same age as "Iwant" and a slightly younger male version who could only be his brother. Although they approached excitedly and exuberantly, I raised my hand in a stopping gesture, told "Iwant" what was going to happen and not to show any fear or even apprehension; and then to give the same instructions as he had gotten to the two newcomers. Sure enough the dog went right side up and on her feet in a half-second angling toward the other kids. The lad repeated the instructions I had given him to his siblings, and introductions were made all the way around.
"Iwant" introduced me (and the dog) to his fraternal twin sister "Gud" (pronounced "good") and his younger 15 year-old brother "Tymfo" (pronounced "time for"). In about 20 seconds all three had Nir Nit Nit on her back and rubbing her belly gently, and had greatly reduced (once terrified of dogs it is extremely difficult to completely rid yourself of all apprehension) their fears. I gave them some simple guide-lines of behavior around strange dogs which would greatly help them on future encounters (advising them that I knew of nothing that would help with a trained 'attack' dog.) I added that I would demonstrate for them how to act when being charged by a strange dog.
to be continued

Fun, Education, Poker, The Sex Family


The Beginning
When a huge family moves into the neighborhood and their surname is 'Sex', the imaginations of the sedentary spectators go into overdrive. I met young 17 year-old "Iwant Sex" on the third day after the family moved in, while walking my German Shepherd. Although tall, good-looking and fairly well built, the young man was a little tremulous in the vicinity of anyone's canine companion, actually retreating a few steps as I neared.
I introduced myself and welcomed him to the neighborhood - this at more than arm's length due to his reluctance to reach his hand out to be shaken - especially while 'Nir Nir Nit', my shepherd, was on her hind legs straining to get closer. He told me of his fear, and that other family members also shared it. But when I asked if he would like to get to know a real people pooch that would only lick him - no danger whatever - if he followed my instructions - he readily agreed.
I told him what to do - stand still with his hand out, palm down, and try as hard as he could to relax. Sure enough, Shepherd lurched to hand, sniffed and snorted, circled and sniffed, and another dog devotee was being developed. The dog sat, calmed down and I told "Iwant" to gently scratch her head and back. He did so for about 10 seconds, and actually got scared -jumping backward - when 'Nir Nir Nit' went all the way down and rolled over on her back, hoping to get a belly rub.
The young lad -with a little encouragement and guidance - gladly obliged, and a new friendship was formed.
to be continued