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Preview: The Mouse and the Fury

The Mouse and the Fury



Very likely to contain strong language, demonstrate shocking lack of logic, and serve as a manual for medical study of mood disorders.



Updated: 2014-10-03T07:19:12.405+03:00

 



My Semester 1 in Sentences:

2007-01-05T19:16:34.576+02:00

“I think I’m gonna skip Russian”

“I can’t. I have a screening/Record meeting/YDN meeting tonight.”

“Lunch sucked today.”

“Yes, mom. I’m eating my lemons. Yes, and taking my vitamins. Of course.”

“Wait, have you seen [insert movie title here]?”

“Where the fuck is my textbook?”

“I’m gonna go live in Sterling now.”

“My paper sucks. Even after the preliminary notes, the outline, and two drafts.”

“Why hasn’t my editor/TA/YDN beat/professor replied to my email yet??”

“Goddamn it. It’s 9 am. Why do I have 15 new messages?”

“Hm, class just started. Maybe I should leave the room.”

“Does my Yale Health Plan cover this?”

“That’s a HIDEOUS shirt.”

“I’m going to the Public Library to steal their music.”

“Maybe I need to clean up this mess...”

“This listening homework is pointless.”

“Ah, fuck it. I just won’t go to bed tonight.”

“Wait, we did WHAT?”

“I want snow already. Bloody stop raining!!”

“I just have to take a picture of this.”

“I’m out of junk food.”

“Shut up, my screensaver is AWESOME.”

“Master G, STOP SPAMMING ME!”

“I will NEVER have a 9 am class again. Ever.”

“God, I miss illegal downloads.”

“Do we have coffee?”

“What movies am I watching tonight? Erm…no idea. They’re on the syllabus.”

“Dragons are sooooo sexy.”

“Well, I’ll most likely double major in English and Film Studies, but I’m not sure.”

“Sorry, I have no idea where Ashley is.”

“How the hell do you manage to sleep so much/get away with such things, [my dear significant other]??”

“Tell the prefrosh I won’t be around tonight.”

“So, back in Sofia, it would be like this:...”

“I don’t know what I’ll do about my QR requirement next semester.”

“Jennifer, please don’t call me that/please stop singing.”

“Ice cream/sushi/pizza time!”

“So who’s this guy you’re talking about?”

“This is SHADOWCAT material.”



Duffy Duck meets Shadowcat

2006-09-08T23:57:11.163+03:00

Classes started. Homework. Again. Textbooks worth $500. Hopefully, never again. Most likely, again…next semester.Let’s try normal-sounding sentences now. Feels better? I think so, too.Shopping period? I don’t think so. More like let’s-start-doing-work-from-day-one period. True, some people are still wandering around buildings trying to figure out whether it’s better to go to the sexy professor’s class and stare at his ass all semester or actually try fulfilling some requirements...but not me. Well, I’d say depends on the ass, but I haven’t encountered one that meets my standards as of yet, so tough luck. Seriously, though, I chose my courses. Like wow, right? I’m pretty surprised myself. Eh, true, it’s partially due to the infamous English class server preregistration fuck-up, but it still counts, right?Russian=sweet, at least for now. Ok, let’s be honest. Most likely only for now, and just because right now I’m studying my own alphabet. Ow, the pain of writing in Cyrillic…what kind of weird characters are those, seriously?! Viking Age=we learned how to read rune stones, and how to write our names in a historically geeky way. Also, vikings have some of the most badass names out there. I’d write something, but I’m too lazy to find an example. Our fearless leader sounds cool. Every time I mention my Swedish professor to some random upperclassman, s/he goes “Oh, Anders Winroth? Sweet!”However, we already have a section asshole. Oh well. At least it makes me feel like I actually have a life. Or had a life. Or something…with life.Intro to Cognitive Science=I never actually wanted to take this, but then I had to replace the English with something. Also, the first lecture was like wow. Plus, I still have no clue wtf is cognitive science, which is hot. Reminds me of computers profile. Welcome back to studying something that doesn’t look like anything else, but is actually a combination of a million other things, all of which you suck at. Oh yeah.Intro to Film Studies=saved the best for last. I’m blown away. Literally. Nerdy confession of the day: my textbook makes me hot. Seriously. It has pictures, and it actually contains stuff I’m *genuinely* interested in. Yes, miracles happen. Well, I’m still not sure how I feel about ~80 pages of reading on the very first day, or about having to dedicate two weekday evenings to obligatory screenings, but I think it’s gonna be worth it. I mean, we started the course by watching a Duffy Duck cartoon. ‘Nuff said. Oh yeah, and Rear Window still rocks even the second time.If you’ve made it this far, I’m impressed. This is officially the most boring entry I’ve written since the beginning of the blog. Feel free to throw something heavy (and preferably also sharp and pointed) at me next time you see me. This being said, I just had to get the above out of my system. Also, it’s easier than telling all of you separately…those of you that actually appear online from time to time.Time for random shit now (to justify my writing this at all): ~The huge lipstick in Morse’s courtyard is ugly. Period. Modern art=waste of material.~I’m openly jealous of Ashley, who gets a 3-day weekend every week for the entire semester. Let’s all bow down before this genius schedule and go feel sorry about ourselves for not doing something similar. ~I bet your wireless connection isn’t called Shadowcat. Well, ours is. Cause we’re cool like that.~Achilles is the shit. Still. Even a few days after the fact. ~Yale gives out free condoms, lube, and possibly also sexy available men, but the latter hasn’t been verified yet. I guess I can forgive them for the sucky food now. Actually, no. Get me something decent to eat, damn it!~Misha loves free coffee. That’s all.~She also loves the fact that she finally gets to be Misha instead of something unrecognizable. And, dude, you *can’t* pronounce it properly.~We have a Monty Python poster in the room now. This IS home. More home than home. And yes, the POTC pillow is still sexy. ~The D[...]



Frantic Freshmen and Other Stories

2006-09-04T05:35:51.460+03:00

Yes, yes, I know it’s been a while. I’m a bitch for not writing. Say it again. Thank you.Now…for something completely different. Like, for real. Like, I say “like” all the time nowadays. It’s just part of the new order. And today I’m wearing pirate (yes) shoes without socks on. Oh yeah.The internet doesn’t work, of course. Again. That is, mine doesn’t. Everybody else’s does. I don’t know if that’s cause I’m special or cause I’m (e)specially screwed. Oh well. Tash, whoever that is, is coming tonight to save the day. The blog. My life. Your lives…cause you just can’t exist without my writing, right? Rrrright.Let me just say our room isn’t as bad as I expected. Naturally, compared to ALL other rooms on campus it sucks so badly it’s choking, but it’s comfortable enough for the moment. I have black sheets, dudes. Black. I feel so hardcore. Actually, I just don’t wanna wash them too often. So there. Black is the new white.Bonnie’s dad bought SO MUCH STUFF for the common room. I wanna go kiss his boots or something. And the POTC pillow…Yes, we have a POTC pillow. That’s as close to hugging Johnny as I’ll ever get. In case you were wondering, yes, I did that already. Pathetic. And fun.I’ve never bought so many posters and shit like that in my entire life. Pictures will soon follow. Definition of soon=whenever I damn please. Deal.Freedom is sweet. That’s all I can say on the subject. Being able to finally call Marc every day is soooo much more infinitely sweet that…stop. I’m not gonna go all mushy on the internet, so dream on. You’ll still have other chances to make mad fun of me, so don’t despair.Pierson is the best. Nobody knows why. Nobody appears to want to know why. Nobody even cares why. Pierson is the best. As long as I get more free t-shirts, I agree:P This past week has been the set of a mental-hospital type of movie. I won’t even start listing the crazy shit we did. Basically, running around all day…either listening to mega boring lectures, or watching people make fools of themselves if we’re lucky like that, or bitching about the rain, or going “Ok, listen, I’m a dork, but I managed to forget your name already and…so which college are you in?” Connecticut has a new drinking law. Just thought I’d let you know. Now anyone holding a beer in their hand is a criminal. No comment. On a side note, root beer sucks.We need a key to open the bathroom door. Now go ahead and laugh for 5 minutes.2 am showers rock. You actually don’t have to wait for 10 other girls before you make it to the sacred cabin. I drew Kenny on one of my two white boards. He says hi to all of you. He’s still as sexy and blonde as he was back in BG.Oh, one of my professors already assigned homework before the first class. I feel blessed and honored and all that jazz. Oh, and he’s Swedish. [pause] Excited yet? [another pause] Well then, sorry to burst your bubble, but he’s not even blonde. Zemi toq damage. Ah, and one of my 3 course books is none other than…Beowulf. Woohoo.Naturally, I still have no clue what courses I’m gonna take. I have no clue as to anything almost, actually. It’s quite an achievement I know where some of the nearby stores are. Oh yeah, I use a map. *I* use a map. The world will never be the same again.If I do take intro to psychology or to cognitive science though, at least I might find out what the fuck is wrong with us. About that time, eh, chaps?I want my Internet back. *Mooooooooom* Oh yeah, mom keeps calling me. Every day. She wants me to call her, too. And chat. On Yahoo. Damn me for showing her how to do it. The sounds coming from the suite next door are amazingly entertaining. Some girls are trying to put together a futon and they’re hammering away, so we get to hear “woo!” and “ouch!” Yep, I’m retarded, but I like to hear other people work and get a DO from the fact that I’m not one of them. Speaking of work, classes start on Wednesday. *Tear*I still can’t find a job. Th[...]



Goodbye

2006-08-26T21:10:40.970+03:00

In the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes, supposedly. I say, to hell with that. Don’t give me 15 minutes of fame. I want my 15 minutes of weakness instead.

"This is sort of my goodbye," said Tori before one of the songs in the concert CD. So, ladies, gents, and llamas, this is sort of my goodbye.

Above all, goodbye to my freaky gang. I love you, guys. As Ilianka already said, takiva kato vas nqma, nqma i da ima…and that’s awesome cause the majority of the few really good memories I have are somehow related to you. Thanks:)

Goodbye to Gina, my sweetest and most loyal childhood companion and friend. Rest in peace, and I hope the trees above you are always green and smell of freedom.

Goodbye to Samokov. I never got to see you again before I leave, you little childhood town…Still, all the unfinished books with the childish handwriting somehow prove that I was there…once…a different me, but a me nonetheless. And I’ll miss you because you were quiet and happy, and real.

Goodbye to my room. I honestly don’t know how it happens that you are big enough to store all these memories, but please hold on to them for me. I’ll need them later. Even the bitter ones…cause even pain is better than emptiness.

Goodbye to ACS. I still hate you passionately, no worries. However, the computer classes, the lunch breaks behind Sanders, the bishes, the general idioticity…priceless. Undeniably. So goodbye, you goddamn torture chamber.

Goodbye to all the things I’ve taken for granted in my life. My mom’s care. My grandma’s cooking, however terrible. Privacy. Lack of major responsibilities. Lack of major fears.

And, finally, goodbye to me. I have no illusions. Next time, a very different Misha will sit on this chair. Let’s just hope she’s not somebody the current one wouldn’t want to have anything to do with.

This is it, then. Good night, and good luck!



God bless the squishy penguin!

2006-08-18T16:48:11.346+03:00

On the menu today: squishing.

I think that Kenny’s deaths look the most spectacular when they involve squishing. I could spend all day watching re-runs of the piano (or the MIR space station) falling on him.

It’s amazing how often things get squished on Cartoon Network. I think it’s right that way. It’s educational. Kids learn that causing damage to objects and *especially* to other people is fun and healthy, and that it should be done often and with great attention to detail. Eh, it makes me so happy…*tear*

Bugs make adorable sounds when squished. Roaches and beetles are crunchy. Some of them also crack nicely if you manage to split them in the middle. That, however, comes with practice…which, in turn, will most likely come with living in L-Dub all year. *cough*

You know what else would make heartbreakingly awesome sounds when squished? A human brain. My swimming teacher’s brain…right after I’ve split his skull open with a tin opener. Then I could turn it into a soup and feed it to my favorite stray dog. Dreams…

And kidneys. I’ve always wanted to squish a raw, bleeding kidney. Mom always keeps them away from me, though. I’m sure you must be wondering why. It’s beyond me, too.

I could go on, but I need to squish something random instead. Squishing is relaxing. It helps reduce stress and it’s good exercise for your hand(s).

Oh, and god bless the squishy penguin.

(image)

PS. He needs a name. Send suggestions my way (but not the highway cause I won't find them there).



Yesterday...

2006-08-15T16:26:18.886+03:00

...I learned that sometimes you just have to press "Delete." Without crying.



Things that SUCK (another entry I didn’t write completely on my own…lazy bitch)

2006-08-10T02:03:38.070+03:00

*NOTE: This particular list isn’t even trying to be funny, you dumb fuck. What did you say? That sux?! Well, PRECISELY, my friend…That sux.*1) My lost I-202) Skandar’s keyboard (sorry, babe)3) Bulgarian beer4) Shiny happy people5) Endless days6) Kids7) Pink8) School/college/university/job9) Win a Date with Tad Hamilton10) Bad coffee11) Bedtimes12) Traffic jams13) Manual cars14) My swimming lessons15) Alarms (let’s not discriminate here, ANY kind of alarms)16) Parents!!!!Parents!!!!Parents!!!! Ah, and other relatives, but mostly Parents!!!17) Diet/healthy food18) “Tea that tastes like dying moose” (?!)19) Poodles named Fifi20) The DMV [never been there, but I trust you on that one]21) The drinking age in the US of A, booo!22) Nicknames that start with V23) Spending 3 nights working on a research paper that has the wrong topic24) Power outages25) Forgetting to save frequently while working on something important on the computer26) C++27) Oh my, how could I forget…ACS.28) Strina (literally)29) Hello Kitty, goddamn its missing mouth.30) The new Star Wars minus some of the fight scenes.31) Not having a TV in your room.32) Syringes33) My dentist34) Cockroaches…and L-Dub, while I’m at it35) Reserving plane tickets for some date around Xmas36) Oh yeah, choosing presents37) That special nasty feeling right after I take my contacts off38) Insomnia39) Listening to lousy music cause THE guy likes it40) Painkiller overdoses41) Vacuum cleaners42) Group work43) “That noise nails make on a chalkboard”44) Blunt knives45) Random people asking me to take pictures of them in front of buildings46) Bulgarian public transport47) Not having AC in the room48) Batteries that don’t last as long as they’re supposed to49) The question “When will you be home?”50) Slow downloads51) Having to file my nails cause of aforementioned fucked-up keyboard52) Papercuts53) People calling me “honey”, “baby”, “sweety”, and the like54) The fact that Alex from A Clockwork Orange isn’t real, and as a result of that I can’t marry him and have his children55) Banks56) The death of the dinosaurs57) Philosophy58) Badly cooked food (synonymous with “food prepared by my Gran”)59) The small portions they serve on planes60) Waiting in lines61) Bunk beds62) Dubbed movies63) People who don’t appreciate the Llama song64) Paris Hilton65) Blurry pictures66) The ending of POTC 267) Doing laundry/dishes/cleaning room/etc68) Marriage69) Getting up before 12 pm70) Having to think71) Having to scroll down to read stuff on Internet pages72) Boring birthday parties73) Having to “entertain” your parents’ guests and possibly also take care of their obnoxious children74) Rainy weather on hikes75) Certain international teachers on hikes76) Certain international teachers on campus77) Early dinners78) The appearance of ICQ79) The fact that I still can’t speak Spanish80) The fact that now I can’t speak Bulgarian either81) Soviet-style apartment buildings82) Mladost…deba kochinata83) Couples that make out all over the place84) Waiters/ shop assistance that are trying too hard to be helpful85) Diets/meditation/exercises86) Stress (like wow, huh?)87) Laws against Internet piracy88) Actually, the year 88 rocks89) Having a best friend that hits on you90) Political talk shows91) People who watch the above92) Jammed printers93) School librarians94) Volunteer work95) Public speaking96) Standing right next to giant speakers when the volume is turned on MAX97) Always choosing the wrong option when there’s a 50/50 chance98) Listening to music non-stop without knowing the lyrics to it99) Not being able to eat really really good food cause you’ve already stuffed your face with something else100) Having your nose itch terribly when your hands are dirty and gross101) The fact that the salt on salty sticks is never evenly distributed102) Whatever. Enough. Screw you, guys, I’m go[...]



Lame excuses for not contacting your parents once you’ve made it to your new location

2006-08-07T23:06:40.926+03:00

*Brought to you in association with Mulah and her pervy, sick, and twisted brain*

-----“The college exploded the other day. We spent all of yesterday rebuilding it and I didn’t have time for anything else.”
---- “A vicious mutant rat ate all the internet and phone cables in the building. I decided to keep him. Here’s a picture. Isn’t Micky just the cutest thing ever??”
----“My roommate won’t let me into the room because her boyfriend has come to visit and will stay a couple of days.”
----“I have class tomorrow, but I have no idea where the room is, so I need to go out and start looking right now.”
----“I was broke, so I took part in a psychology major’s experiment which prohibited all forms of long-distance or indirect communication.
----“ I was too busy stripping for this cute guy from Califor.....no mom, there were no orgies. Yes mom, we used protection, plenty of protection... wrist bands, kneepads, helmets.”
----“I got hit by a delivery truck three days ago. The doctors said I have am…amn…wait, who are you?”
----“It was “Silent Week” here at [college name], didn’t you know?!”
----“What does this button dooooo?”
----“I was too dr…drained last night. Yeah, too much fu…functions on my math test.”
----“Wait, I thought you were in a coma. Huh? That was uncle George? Last year? Oh ok, my bad.”
----“The Committee of Freshman Affairs said we should let go of things that belong to the past and embrace new experiences…and new people. Sexy ones. As often as possible.”
----“I dropped my laptop in the sink, which was clogged again, and therefore full of water. Yes, it’s ok now. I put it in the microwave to evaporate the water. It smelled kind of funny for a while, but works now.”
----“I bit my tongue off in my sleep. It’s ok now, they stitched it back in, but it was swollen and I couldn’t talk.”
----“What do you mean I didn’t call you?? I did. Last night. What, that wasn’t you? Damn…Well, tell Perry his sexual orientation isn’t a secret anymore.”
----“I was depressed…cause…OMG, they killed Kenny. You bastards!”
----“I’m doing community service…digging graves. It’s quite an experience, but ugh, the blisters! I can’t touch a damn thing. Well, with my fingers, anyway”
----“”Cause I’m too sexy for this shit. Or at least that’s what the porn director said.”
----“I was abducted by…no, not aliens. That’s SO high school. By…listen, I g2g. Tell you later.”
----“Family is for pussies. Anarchy forever!”
----“Yes, I did use the word “pussy” last time. What’s your problem, I thought you liked cats?”
----“I had midterms. Yes, in September. My college is special like that.”
----“I had too many energy drinks and my hand kept shaking. I had to tape the receiver to my palm so that it wouldn’t fall off, but then, when I started running out of the room, I ripped it off. Gimme money for a new one!”
----“I’m sorry, but the language barrier is making communication between us impossible. I can’t handle it anymore. I mean, wtf, you don’t speak English!”
----“They only allow one call per day in prison. I used it to order pizza…extra cheese, yum!”
----“We all had to ride bikes…and I was too busy throwing up after that.”

-THE END-
(a.k.a. Start making your own excuses, bitch!)



Summer Survival Guide

2006-08-07T15:22:25.206+03:00

(Or what to do with all that damn time)

*Note: Naturally, this doesn’t work. I just needed to type a list of…whatever.

1)Write long, random, and pointless blog entries.
2)Watch Kenny die over and over again…you bastard!
3)Stalk people on Facebook, MySpace or any other lameass site like that.
4)Worship me.
5)Code viruses and send them to your teachers from an untraceable email.
6)Engage in some sort of self-mutilation. I recommend sharp objects. You can then draw smiley faces with your blood.
7)Learn how to kill roaches. It’ll come in handy once you come visit me at Yale.
8)Find a person who doesn’t give a shit about your problems, lock them in a room, and drop your emotional load on them.
9)Visit relatives in another city (it has to be a totally godforsaken place). Then make fun of them for living in “that dump.”
10)Go sit near a kindergarten. Bring coke and popcorn. Watch kids fall, get hurt, and cry. Laugh in a particularly evil way and call a friend to tell them about it.
11)Make numbered lists. All day long. Then number the numbered lists.
12)Stop deluding yourself. You *are* useless.
13)Make a shrink cry, quit their job, and go to rehab. I know you can;)
14)Dye your hair a really lame color and spend the rest of the summer trying to fix it. Preferably shave your head in the end and tell your parents you breathe anarchy.
15)Find all of your high school papers and quizzes and burn them. Ritually. Dress up like a savage and play some maddeningly irritating music.
16)Burn your neighbor’s cat. See previous posts for more info.
17)Subscribe to something really STUPID and make derogatory/mean comments on its pages with a bright red marker.
18)Find a job. Just kidding.
19)Learn to curse like an old filthy drunkard…in a language people around you don’t understand.
20)Play “Kick the baby” with your little brother/sister/nephew.
21)Get drunk. Act stupid. Make sure someone is taking pictures.
22)Cause a traffic accident. Run away from the crime scene and feel real gangsta for the rest of the day. Or you could also watch “Scarface”. Same effect.
23)Write a suicide letter blaming your parents for your awful life and accusing them of being the sole reason for this desperate act. Then go away for a couple of days and let them wonder where your corpse is.
24)Tell a kid the sad truth about Santa.
25)Make up a random disease, go to your doctor, and tell him/her you’re not leaving that office until s/he tells you how to cure it. Come back every other week to say it’s not working.
26)Blame Canada.
27)Try to sell your least favorite cousin on Ebay.
28)Cause a fight between your parents, videotape it, and broadcast it on a large screen during the next big family reunion.
29)Get a life. Kidding, again.
30)Become a rabbit. They’re happy, and we all know why.

...Right, Mulah?



Interview

2006-08-07T14:20:25.600+03:00

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself.
Me: I like slinkies.
I: Omg, me too.
M: Cool.
*Awkward pause*
I: Why do you like slinkies?
M: Why do you like porn?
I: Cause I’m a sick fuck?
M: There you go.
I: Do you believe in God?
M: Every time I see a mirror.
I: What about those freaky ones in amusement parks?
M: Gods?
I: Mirrors.
M: Ah. Well, I only do roller coasters.
I: Do you think life is a roller coaster, then?
M: Yeah, kinda. Both make you sick after a while.
I: That was very deep.
M: No, it wasn’t.
I: Tell me something deep then.
M: The ocean.
I: You aren’t funny.
M: Yeah, and you’re a journalist, so? We all have flaws.
I: It’s a respectable job. Do you want to have a job?
M: What kind of question is that? Of course I don’t…but I want to have money.
I: Would you say, then, that you are the product of a materialistic society devoid of values?
M: I thought I was the product of my parents having sex, but sure, let’s go with that.
I: What’s your view on premarital sex?
M: Pre-what sex?
I: Nevermind.
M: I never did.
I: Right…How about abortion then?
M: Why, are you pregnant?
I: I’m a man.
M: So? Use your imagination.
I: That’s what writers do. I’m a journalist. I use the Internet.
M: Ah, right, I’m sorry. Do you think the Net is slowly turning society into a bunch of awkward emotional cripples with no lives, no dreams, and too much useless information on their overstimulated, undernourished, and utterly unchallenged consumer minds?
I: Yes, as a matter of fact, I think that’s one of the major problems of the Modern Age and…wait a second, I’m the one asking the questions!
M: You were doing a lousy job, though.
I: Yeah?
M: Yeah!
I: That shirt looks awful on you.
M: That face looks awful on you.
I: Would you attribute all this bitterness and hostility to your childhood problems?
M: Should I?
I: Yeah, why not? People like reading sick shit like that.
M: Ok, yes, I was a very troubled child.
I: What kind of problems were your forced to deal with?
M: Answering stupid questions, for one.
I: Be serious, please.
M: Haha, you’re cute.
I: Really?
M: No.
I: …ok, listen, let’s get to the point.
M: About that time, eh, chaps?
I: Huh?
M: Haven’t you seen “The End of the World”?
I: No.
M: Fucking kangaroo.
I: I beg your pardon?
M: I knew you’d start begging eventually!
I: Ok, now about that point…
M: I prefer commas.
I: Why?
M: They have tails.
I: That’s not a valid reason.
M: You sound like a math teacher.
I: I failed math in high school.
M: Dork.
I: Cut me some slack, I’m a journalist.
M: You’re repeating yourself.
I: That’s part of the job.
M: Ah, right.
I: So, the point!!!
M: Is there a point?
I: You tell me.
M: Why should I tell you?
I: Cause I’m interviewing you!
M: No, you’re not. You’re imaginary.
I: Details…
M: …are important.
I: Do you really think so?
M: I don’t think.
I: Why not?
M: Cause I don’t need to.
I: Why not?
M: Try a new question.
I: Why do they kill Kenny so often?
M: Cause he’s poor, duh.
I: What’s my name?
M: You don’t have one.
I: You’re a lazy bitch!
M: Newsflash, hun.
I: Why are you a lazy bitch?
M: Mom wants to know the same.
I: Well, why are you?
M: Cause I like slinkies.



Chapter (almost) 19: The therapeutic value of spanking big plush bears

2006-07-31T00:34:36.436+03:00

(Based on a true story)Do you feel trapped in your mechanical, routine, nine-to-five existence? Have your stress levels been increasing at an alarming rate lately? Are you beginning to lose: a) control of your emotions, b) belief in your abilities, c) perspective on your goals, or d) all of the above?*If so, throw out the pills and the energy drinks. Forget about the self-help books, inspirational video tapes, and support groups. Drop diets, meditation, and countless hours spent at the local gym.And start spanking big plush bears.Why? It is healthy, inexpensive, and safe. It does not require any special training or preliminary knowledge. It is suitable for all ages and does not produce side effects. In addition, it is easy to incorporate within your daily schedule, as it can be practiced at any time and the duration of the sessions can be adapted according to one’s individual needs and preferences.However, the practical advantages, as impressive as they are, pale in comparison to the psychological effects of this treatment. Let us follow a professionally conducted examination of the profound spiritual and emotional impact that spanking a big plush bear had on our volunteer, Mulah.Here are her primary impressions: “It was an unforgettable experience... its butt was so soft and gentle, yet firm... made me want to spank it again and again and again, and harder and HARDER.” Ignoring test subject’s disturbing fascination with the anatomy of the plush bear and her apparent sadistic tendencies, the team of researchers used her testimony to derive information crucial to our demonstration of the positive effects of spanking big plush bears. It is obvious from her desire to prolong and intensify the experience that the very act of spanking stimulates emotional release that is reducing the pressure she feels as a result of the burden of her daily routine. This is not surprising, as mild forms of physical violence have long been recognized as effective stress management techniques due to the feeling of utter abandon, or “letting go” that accompanies them and the sensation of complete relaxation and internal peace that succeeds them. In addition, the fact that Mulah describes the episode as “unforgettable” clearly shows the degree of enjoyment that she derived from the treatment. Word choice is significant in this case, as it points out the level of the test subject’s involvement, of her complete immersion in the act, the very captivating sensation that converted it to an experience lasting beyond the immediate moment. This dedication stems precisely from the feeling of happiness and fulfillment which is the key to the efficiency of spanking big plush bears as a method of therapy.When asked to elaborate on her impressions, Mulah made the following comment: “I was in a new plane of existence. I started seeing pink flowers fall from the sky. It was all in slow motion, so it lasted longer [than it normally would].” Initially, this response prompted the researchers to run drug tests on the subject to verify that her vivid, yet curious impressions were not, in fact, caused by use of illegal substances. Once this obviously necessary routine check was successfully performed and the results were found to be negative, the team proceeded to analyze the information she provided, reaching the following conclusions: The “new plane of existence” she speaks of is in fact her changed state of mind. The pink flowers are a metaphor, or a visualization of the positive thoughts and emotions that the act of spanking a big plush bear produced in her brain. The image is serene, peaceful, and beautiful, signifying that she successfully achieved internal harmony and freed her mind of anxiety and fears. The act of falling represents a gradual, yet irreversible chan[...]



Penguins taste like Heaven*. Don’t eat them.

2006-07-30T20:33:29.053+03:00

Sometimes the monotony of my existence prompts me to occupy my mind with questions that, however non-urgent, still relate to the current course of events in both a local and a global sense, and also occasionally trouble the adult starfish population south of Cape Cod.

One such question is, for instance, “Why don’t penguins play soccer?”

Now, while the answer undoubtedly lies deep within the psyche of the penguins, the way their society functions, and the lack of proper equipment, and is therefore out of reach, the question itself still possess a certain value that makes it worth examining further, even without hopes of arriving at a definite and scientifically, economically, and ecumenically** significant conclusion.

To prove the point made above, let us now assume that the penguins DID play soccer and speculate on the positive effects of that on the modern world:

1) German economy suffered dramatically as a result of the failure of the World Cup mascot to appeal to the popular taste. If penguins played soccer, the mascot would have clearly, and logically, been a penguin, a creature that is universally appealing, unconnected with any particular country or political ideology, and, in this particular hypothetical case, directly related to the sport itself. As a result, the people would have embraced the official World Cup merchandise and the blow to the souvenir market would have been avoided.

2) Right now, many organizations’ efforts to increase awareness of the problems related to Global Warming and pollution aren’t producing satisfactory results. If penguins played soccer, at least the male part of the population would automatically become concerned with their well-being. This, in turn, would stimulate said males to take steps to prevent or counteract all the processes that endanger the penguins, and possibly also persuade (whether forcefully or not, is not important in this case) their wives to do the same. Consequentially, the aforementioned organizations would finally receive the support they need.

3) I like the number 3, don’t you?

4) You are currently reading this. You are doing so because I wrote it. And I wrote it because penguins don’t play soccer. If they did, both of us would have something more meaningful and even potentially harmful to do. And that would definitely make the world a worse place, amen.

The most important conclusion that can be drawn from the above is…
…it’s a damn shame that penguins don’t play soccer. ---The End---

[Oh, and please don’t eat penguins. They’re cute and walk funny.]

*If you want to know what else tastes like Heaven, watch Closer
**Yes, it is an allusion to POTC 1. Did you seriously think I would know that word otherwise?



What you wouldn’t want to hear from…

2006-07-28T13:21:59.470+03:00

[ Dedicated to all people who have amazing families they love and respect;) ]

...Your Mommy:
>>> “I was really popular in high school. All the guys knew me awfully well...in the Biblical sense.”
>>> “You know, I’m not sure you’re mine. Come to think of it, they DID swap babies at that hospital...”
>>> “That boyfriend of yours...he’s kinda hot...VERY hot...Is he legal?”
>>> “You know those vitamins I’ve been giving you ever since your turned 14? Well, they are contraceptives, actually. I figured, just in case...”
>>> “About those bruises I get from time to time...they aren’t really from gardening. Your dad and I...like to experiment sometimes...It’s actually pretty cool! Wanna try my toys?”

...Your Daddy:
>>> “Brokeback Mountain is my favorite movie. It’s so deep...and I really *really* relate.”
>>> “Remember Willy the hamster? Well, to be honest, he didn’t exactly get out of his cage and fall off the balcony...”
>>> “You know, when you were little and your mom was out of the house, I would sometimes drop you on your head just to see you walk funny afterwards. I swear, it was so much fun! The guys just loved it. I wonder how come you can’t recall...”
>>> “You’re relatively cool and all, but I’ve always wanted a boy. In fact, you tend to annoy me more and more every day. Like right now, for instance...What kind of slutty outfit is that?! I swear, you’re starting to be just like your mother”
>>> “Meet Arnie, my former cell mate. What, you didn’t know I’ve been to prison? Dude...do you also think I actually bought this car??””

...Your Grandma:
>>> “You know, when your mom was 23, there was this millionaire guy that wanted to marry her, but of course I didn’t let her do it cause he wasn’t an orthodox Christian”
>>> “Hey, kiddo, I just joined this awesome new religious group. It’s really nice and all, but the membership fee was sort of high, so I had to borrow the pearls you got for your 18th birthday. You don’t really mind, right?”
>>> “Holy shit, I’ve just realized I accidentally switched the labels of the rat poison and the salt jars. Please tell me you didn’t eat that steak...”
>>> “What do you mean I shouldn’t have shown your baby pictures to the guests? They are all so cute! Especially that one of you throwing up all over your auntie...so adorable!”
>>> “Oh, that was your favorite shirt? Sorry I wiped the floor with it. I must’ve misplaced my glasses again.”

...Your Grandpa:
>>> “You know that big fancy house on the square? It used to be ours...but then, that one time, I had a bad gambling day...”
>>> “Oh by the way, here’s a letter for you that arrived last month. I forgot to give it to you cause I was in a hurry back then...my team was playing, you know. Oh, looke here, it says “urgent” on the envelope! My, maybe it’s a good idea to open it ASAP...it might turn out to be important.”
>>> “You know I admire your independent spirit...and I think you are a true fighter…who likes to work for and earn everything they have...So, to encourage you to keep that up, I plan not to include you in my will.”
>>> “Don’t tell anyone, but I'm going to divorce your grandma. And go to Hawaii. With my therapist. She’s awfully sweet, you should meet her. She’s about to graduate from your college.”
>>> “Who are you, again? Ah, right... It’s just that your cousin and you are so much alike that most of the time I can’t tell who’s who. Not that it matters, actually.”



“College Happens. Be Ready”

2006-07-28T00:14:04.603+03:00

Things you need to, but will never be, ready for when you arrive at your college (mainly cause you’re worthless, unmotivated, and lazy, ADMIT!). There happen to be 69 of those because Mulah is a perverted annoying nagging bitch that likes to boss me around…and I apparently enjoy it?! *No more drugs for this girl*1) Taking responsibilities. You know, keeping important documents in order and intact (“ooo, scrap paper, yay!”), managing your funds well (“oh wait, that was my credit card? Damn…do you think it’ll regain its shape if I step on it again?”), etc…2) Having roommate(s). Yes, actual living beings you have to share a room with. Yes, they WILL breathe your air, step on your floor, and potentially make an even bigger mess of the place than you ever could on your own. Yes, there’s a high chance they will be a) blonde, b) not blonde, but stupid anyway, c) smelly, d) Britney fans, e) constantly drunk sluts, f) depressed suicidal maniacs g) wannabe future world leaders who happen to be ugly as fuck in addition to totally obnoxious and “please-kill-me-now” boring, h) a combination of all of the above with an added super geek bonus (“do you know how many horses Napoleon’s army had during the battle at Waterloo? No?! Want me to list them for ya? I’ve got the names in alphabetical order you know…Was bored during physics class. I figured, I know all that nuclear shit anyway, so how about a lil history, you know?” Have fun, kids. I’m sure it’ll work out. If not, make sure to burn the body and hide your weapon of choice away from the crime scene.3) Eating cafeteria food. You’ll finally understand why sometimes it’s hard to differentiate between tuna and chicken.4) Having to actually get a job. And be there. On time. And know what you’re supposed to be doing. And at least pretend you’re doing it. And not get into a fight with every single colleague on the very first day. I mean, wait for the second one. Now that’s classy.5) Getting to your classes. No, not on time. Just getting to them. You know, finding the actual correct room before the class has ended….or before the semester has ended. It’s really a matter of orientation skills.6) Learning how to deal with hangovers……….”Mmmph…I’ll finish that one right before, now wait, after, ugh, during? That headache ends…nevrmind the sound of this keyboard is too painful…ciao, I’m gonnaaaa sleep and I love you, kinda”7) Realizing that no matter what new activity you choose for yourself, someone out there will be infinitely better at it than you can ever hope to be. And they will flaunt it. Constantly. Some of them will even offer to teach you. And then you will mention that the main character of Idle Hands is your role model…8) Learning how to fake school spirit. You know there are a million things about this college that totally completely suck. You know everyone else is also aware. Yet…”We are the shit, bitch!” Why? Cause lying to other people, especially prospective students (whose future misfortune you might end up being responsible for) is, let’s face it, always FUN!9) Facing the fact that “everyone else has had more sex than me” will suddenly cease to be just a funny song with a cute animated rabbit in the video.10) Constantly explaining where you come from. “Yes, it’s in Europe. Yes, we do have cars, and computers…and underwear, omg! Sometimes we even shave our legs. Right before Easter, that is. Not that we can show them in church, of course, but just to feel more…spiritual.”11) Having to teach everyone else curses in your native language. Cause it’s just soooo cool, right? Wrong! Next time you want to tell that bitch of a roommate to go[...]



Cats on Fire…

2006-07-26T00:34:27.570+03:00

…are spectacular. Their beauty is majestic, humbling, and awe-inspiring. Their allure is powerful, undeniable, and irresistible. Their dramatic performance is unsurpassed. The depth of feeling and emotion they demonstrate can literally inflame the audience.

The numerous manifestations of suffering and expressions of ever-increasing, maddening, and infinite pain that can be observed during the show are beyond enjoyable. Ranging from mesmerizing movements and compelling cries to wild spasms and agonizing shrieks, the cats’ on-stage repertoire rivals that of the world’s most widely acclaimed actors. What is more, every sound and action is unique and natural. There are no scripts or directors, which gives the cats the freedom to improvise, emphasize their personal talents, incorporate their own ideas into the show, and, as a result, transform every performance into a memorable one-of-a-kind life-changing experience for the lucky viewers.

Because of the above, cats on fire should be treated with due respect. True, they exist solely for entertainment purposes, but even so, they are living beings (though not for long), and deserve help and understanding. Assistance can (and should) be provided in any of the following ways: 1) supplying the person responsible for the cat’s burning with fuel, matches, or lighters, 2) blocking the cat’s escape routes, 3) singing inspirational song such as “Burnin’ Up”, “Burnin’ Alive”, and “Crash and Burn” 4) hurting the cat in additional ways, in case, for some unfortunate reason, the burning proves less spectacular, riveting, and satisfying than expected.

So, have *YOU* burned a cat today?

…………

[ …And that’s the second entry I write cause of you. You’re what, special or something?? :P ]



Fear Factor/Where the Wild Roses Grow

2006-07-24T15:53:47.586+03:00

“If I can’t find my way back to me, let the Sun fall down over me…”…………………Insomnia. Anxiety. Doubts. Fears. Sleeping pills commercial? No. July 2006, a month not to remember. Welcome to my head; I’ve opened all windows for ventilation’s sake andand maybe I shouldn’t have because it’s all messy inside. Overcrowded, full of unnecessary crap, occasionally even dirty. And huge, real huge. Endless. But not a labyrinth. Please! That’s too conventional for us. Just a wide open space, possibly dark, but not always. There are flashes here and there, when you least expect them. It’s like a soccer stadium at night. You look around at the crowd and the flashes go off. Everywhere. Erratically. They disorient you, confuse you, blind you. Well, maybe not you, but me—certainly. You see, you’re just a visitor. You come, stare, shake your head, shrug, and go. Even if you feel the discomfort, you know it’ll pass because you will go on and turn the impenetrable wall of your back to it. Or better yet, put the impenetrable wall of your indifference between the two of you. The stadium on one side, and you on the other, already beginning to grin in that special way…And I’m left behind. Stick to the code. Whoever falls behind…you know the rest. I never wanted to fall behind, though. Everything was going well. Happy, shiny thoughts. Brain full of cotton candy. Room full of exclamation marks and souvenir items from last summer. Excited, excited, exc…scared. Completely. Maddeningly, overwhelmingly, undeniably…yes, I can keep going. The first step towards solving a problem is admitting it exists…whoever thought of that forgot to mention that in the majority of cases this also happens to be the only step. Yes, you admit. I admit. I write, I blabber, I ramble, it’s what I do best, so no wonder. And, then what? The future is still the future. The clock still goes tick! tick! annoying the hell out of me. The answered questions keep on being replaced by unanswered ones. The ignored ones fall into oblivion, but only seemingly. In fact, they run in the background somewhere, well hidden. Just like a program that hasn’t quite stopped working and is slowing down your computer without your being aware of it…That’s the problem. I’m not really aware of it. I can’t pinpoint it exactly. I don’t know what “it” is. Fears, yes. Good. That’s not a definition. Of what? Why? Since when? Until when? Again, why?Why not? It’s a transition. It’s a new stage, a fresh start, whatever cliché you want to use works here. However, it’s an end more than it’s a beginning, or at least that’s how it feels right now. I wanted the new new new. New is exciting, right? But then, what about the old…I’m not sure I’m ready to let go of the old yet. Wrinkles can be beautiful if they mean something to you. So can scars. So can anything, really. That can’t be all. Holding on to the past, dreading the future…common case. Drink more water and sleep regularly. No. There’s more. I can’t think straight. Every task seems more time-consuming, harder, and unnecessary than it is. Every person acts weird, talks weird, says things I doubt, ignores, accuses, mocks, gives advice…Stop already. I’m tired. I have forgotten how to want. I want to want again. I want to want to write things like this every day just to let some of these damn thoughts out. A huge empty space and still not enough room for them all. They keep stepping on each other’s feet, yelling at each other, arguing, hiding…Should be thrown out.How? I don’t know. If I did, I could’ve done it a long time ago. Imagining rainbows doesn’t[...]



Reasons Why You Should Drop Whatever The Hell You Happen To Be Doing Right About Now And Go Watch Donnie Darko Instead

2006-07-17T19:06:45.610+03:00

1) Cause Mulah and I said so. (See, I mentioned you...bitch! Happy now?)
2) Cause that's the longest title I've ever come up with.
3) Cause Jake Gyllenhaal is too sexy for his pills.
4) Cause the movie's too damn creepy.
5) Cause of that voice in your head...ok, for some of us it's just one more voice in addition to all the others, but still!
6) Cause, come on, which other movie contains quotes like the following:
---"I like rabbits. They're cute and they're horny. If you're cute and horny, you're probably happy."
---"What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?"
7) Cause "Sit next to the guy you think is cutest" is the best possible take on seating charts.
8) Cause if you're pathetic enough to be reading this list, you *seriously* need some entertainment. Now.
9) Cause the script is so sick and disturbing I almost think I must've written it at some earlier stage of my life and managed to forget that I did.

You were thinking I'd get to 10 at least, right? Well, I'm not feeling predictable today. Suck a fuck.



(Not so) hot

2006-07-14T17:34:17.486+03:00

*To Start off, Happy Birthday na Ilianka:)*

Sooooo...this is an update nobody ever wanted/will want.
I felt like writing it, though. Deal!

Some amazing and others not-so-amazing things have happened to me since my last post that actually contained text (meaning the drooly images one doesn't count even though it's the best one in this whole piece of...blog). Here they are in no particular order (but numbered, naturally):

1) Found out I'm in Pierson. Not so hot! Will let you know why later.
2) Many bitches left Bulgaria for good. Hot! Koda was one of them. Not so hot!
3) Had to "visit" ACS way too many times. Totally not hot!
4) Joe Cole was...fenomenaaalen! Hot!
5) Johnny is...hot.
6) Got addicted to Facebook. Sometimes hot, more often not.
7) Had to read raffle ticket numbers out loud. So NOT hot. Got paid for it. So totally freakin' hot!
8) Johnny is still hot.
9) Watched the video that currently makes me type "hot" way too often. That's hot.
10) Errm, mulah, fellatio?
11) POTC 2 is...*drool*...hot...*pass out*....*come to*...soo hoot...because of...*major major drool*...Johnny...who...is...HOT!
12) Started swimming lessons. Couldn't get any less hot than that.
13) Finally saw Logan. Hot!
14) Saw a couple Hitchcock movies. So unbelievably hot.
15) Almost finished my Old Movies list. Vewy vewy hot!
16) Read more books than I've even looked at during the school year. Hot!
17) Licky-licky=hot.
18) Had numerous fights with the mother. So not hot.
19) Developed severe chronic insomnia. See above.
20) Just forgot what the rest of the list was supposed to contain. Oh well. He happens to have no dress in his cabin, and that's always hot.






Titles are overrated

2006-06-18T23:41:29.013+03:00

Fair Warning: I have absolutely nothing to say, really. I’m only writing this because *certain people* want a “blog WITH good shit” and I couldn’t manage to persuade them they’ve got the wrong web address.1) I feel like numbering this, so...Vh1 had a Top 100 Rock Classics Weekend, and watching 40-1 took up 3 of the 7 hours I’ve been awake so far. I made a bet with myself that they’d definitely put “Smells Like Teen Spirit” in the top 5, and-oh my!-it was number 4…so I win. Sorry, Misha, you lose, and you owe me money and eternal respect. Also, it was good to find out that in addition to Nirvana and Pearl Jam, Green Day are also classic already. I feel old…Oh, and I saw only one U2 video-thank you people!! You spared my nerves.2) I watched the Spanish soap opera that I don’t like watching and don’t even want to watch cause it just sucks so badly. Apparently, she’s getting a divorce from him and he’s together with her lover’s ex-girlfriend, but HIS ex-girlfriend wants to get back with him after the divorce, but his soon-to-be-ex-wife won’t allow this to happen, and his current girlfriend is totally unaware of all that, and the little rapper bitch is pregnant…I’m fascinated. I’ll possibly tune in after 30-40 episodes to see how it’s going with the divorce …3) I KNOW I never did write a prom entry. Have no fear, kids! I will. In, uh, the near future, ok? We all know how it went, and some of us even remember more about it than I do…for understandable reasons (if you’ve seen the “omg-I-don’t-remember-posing-for-THAT” type of pictures). In other words, you don’t really need any info on the subject, so be so kind as to stfuJ…mulah. I know you want more of my amazing pisses of writing, but you’ll have to wait.4) Gilmore Girls Season 3, MOVE IT ALREADY! 45 kb/s, what kind of speed is that, ACS-type connection?! 3 days of download=65 % is one very UNcool equation, or should I put it in a certain beloved math teacher’s terms, a basic mistake. All I want is to see the stupid Rory make out with Jess, how difficult is that? Seriously, a person doesn’t even get a chance to be properly pathetic these days…5) I’m making this long, so abandon all hope right here, right now.6) Things you can learn thanks to the miracle of public transportation: 1) Bulgarian education sux 2) Young Bulgarian people are sluts and/or traitors 3) They also sell their bodies and souls (price-unspecified) 4) Turkey will take over Bulgaria (omg, again??) 5) CKAT is the best tv channel ever 6) Soon only stray dogs and grandmas will be left in this country 7) Big Brother is a “whore house.”7) The Ass CD is addictive, but I still don’t like big butts…8) I’m feeling lazy. NO, not THAT lazy. The OTHER lazy. The “pls-shoot-me-now-and-end-my-suffering” lazy. Is that news? Of course not. Do you even care? Duh…You’re probably the same yourself, and it doesn’t even matter which “you” I’m addressing. I don’t know any un-lazy “you”s, so that’s universally applicable. What am I trying to say again? Who cares, I’m too LAZY to formulate it, and you’ll probably be too LAZY to try to understand it, anyway.9) Yale mailing SUX. Most other people already know their residential colleges. Me? No, of course. Why should I? It’s not like I’ve been DYING to find out for ages. It’s not like I live a million miles away from New Haven, too, so why should they put in extra money for a DHL order when they can just snail mail stuff to international students and hope we get it b[...]



Eternal Truth

2006-06-08T22:45:06.526+03:00

Apparently gold yellow is the color of creativity. And people shouldn’t be pictured as ants.

A tomato, a chocolate bar, two cappuccinos and one mochaccino can’t substitute for breakfast and lunch.

There are a million ways to give first aid. 999, 999 of them will most likely cause extra damage rather than help.

Contacts fluid is good for contacts, but not for my eyes.

If I need to call somebody at least two other people will call ME before I manage to dial the number of the person I actually want to hear.

If a crowded building has a single toilet in it, the lock of said toilet will be lousy.

If a part of a poem suddenly comes to me while I’m walking towards the bus stop, I: 1) won’t have any paper to write it on, and 2) will miss the bus while entering it in my cell as a draft of a text message.

And finally, in a room full of people, the one with the most annoying cell phone melody will get the most calls.

*Random selfish ramble of the day:*
It took me only 25 mins to get from NDK to the Red Cross on foot. I love myself. I want to marry me and possibly have my children.



High Fidelity

2006-06-05T16:02:17.483+03:00

I saw it. Finally. After a couple years of "Yeah...I'll download it tomorrow...Right...Um, ok, I'm kinda busy, and I really feel like seeing that other movie cause the guy is cuter...and...High Fidelity? Ah, right, I'm totally downloading it...maybe...this week...but then maybe after I finish that project...you know...why did I want to see it again?"

First impression: read the book. It's a hundred million times better. What a surprise, huh?
Second impression: still read the book, but you could also watch the movie. BEFORE you read the book. Not AFTER. Please not after...
Third impression:ooookay, maybe the movie isn't so bad minus the fat guy whose name I deliberately keep forgetting; technically that means you could skip reading the book and still know what the deal is...the question is, do you really just want to know what the deal is or do you in fact want to find out that the guy who wrote About a Boy can and actually did do better?

All of the above has no purpose other than that I felt like typing and announcing to the world how exactly I went about wasting the past two hours of my life. So there. I'm expecting at least a dozen power outages tonight. Yesterday we had only three, so come on, guys! I know you have it in you. You can do better. Bring it on and see if I care...and I won't cause tonight I'm not even online, so your pathetic little tricks might be bugging the entire Lozenetz population, but not me.

Ok, why the hell am I opening Nero when what I need is, in fact, good ol' Word? Too much CD burning for ya, hun. Ok, rewind that. I don't even need Word. I don't need anything. I have coke and a green balloon plus a dozen ideas/plans I'll never carry out cause it's always more fun thinking about them than doing them. Just because. Just because I need glue in order to make it all work, and I don't have glue yet again cause I lost it while cleaning my room, and I can't be bothered to walk ten minutes and buy a new one.

I'm obviously not editing any of this, or worrying about how it sounds and why it sounds that way precisely and not any other, more creative, more entertaining, and more readable way. You're obviously still reading it and not caring about it one bit because you're as bored/braindead as yours truly, or because you are planing on making a "WTF dude?!" comment in 3...2....1.

The weather is annoyingly good. I suspect that's why I decided to stay home all day and do nothing. All of that means that tomorrow, when I'll actually be out doing mildly meaningful things all day, there's going to be a rehearsal for the next Flood. Bring your umbrellas and dead pigeons along.

So who's up for some 3D action @ IMAX in the near future?



Ze Random Blog Entry

2006-06-05T16:03:09.293+03:00

I'm too lazy to write the "meaningful" (that's a laugh, I know) entries, so a pointless one is in order...

Right. Gilmore Girls Season 1: officially gulped down along with some fiiiiiiiine Chinese. Rory and Dean (who's ugly as fuck) made out and I got a decent dinner. Thumbs up. Spirits up.

My neck, legs, and right arm hurt like hell. That means: 1) I'm totally completely omg really really really out of shape 2) the Apocalyptica concert rocked 3) one aspirin doesn't do the trick.

It rained today and I wrote a poem to/about a dead pigeon.

I read Beloved. It seems Toni Morrison actually CAN write well sometimes...I'm shocked, dazzled, and confused. Bad Writer vs. Good Writer--1:1. Looks like I need to read a third book in order to decide once and for all...Oh my! However, magical realism seriously rocks my world.

Got new glasses. Got new shades. Got very little sleep.

Am starting to forget spanish.

I miss my dog.

Inspiration is not dead. Random birds are, and this almost brings me to where I started. So thank you, pigeon, and rest in peace.



Graduation (May 23, 2006)

2006-06-01T15:22:55.650+03:00

(image)
Hottt! In every sense of that word, baby.
Five years of suffering that destroyed my nerves and shortened my life. Tons of wasted paper and wasted hours. Some foolish tears over sucky grades. Some equally foolish smiles over good ones. And it all adds up to…

This date! The Day. Our own Exodus. “It’s been emotional…”

Ultra long ultra boring graduation speeches. Perske telling us that most of what we learned here is useless and pretty much wrong. Thank you, sir! Finally the administration admits the truth. [Yes I intend to ramble in fragment form, live with it] The Big Shot mistaking our class for his. Priceless. Teo talking about the beginning of life on Earth, Green School, and meeting at ACS every year. Ah, and thanking 76. What about the people who took 111, though? I smell discrimination. I also smell 7 rows of melting people in black, bored to death and focused on one thought: the tassels. “I want it to go left, I want it to go left, go left already!!”

Cum Laude Magna Cum Laude Summa Cum Laude…STFU already. Ok, I admit I wanted the gold one. Stupid 8th grade. But what the hell…the real prize is in New Haven, looking gothic and fucking amazing, so I’m cool with the Magna. Congrats to Marty for ze very special prizeJ Ye shiver me timbers, arrrr! Maria P.=just stay on the stage cause everything we have is for ya. Funny. Unbalanced. Welcome to ACS. Goodbye to ACS for us, actually.

Some people were touched. Some people were braindead. I was happy. Over-the-top, omg-this-is-teh-shit, finally-it’s-happening happy. Freedom tastes good. Looks sexy. Makes you wanna throw that hat over and over and over just to see how much nothing matters anymore. “Now, bring me that horizon!”

Good stuff. Good pictures. Confused parents, overheated grandmother. “Where’s the camera, mom?” I look amazing with those shades. I see many happy and chubby alumni. Looks like somebody’s been on a fast food diet. “America is heaven”, they tell me. “College life is the best thing since Willy Wonka and French fries combined.” We’ll see about that. I have great expectations, so please don’t spoil my fun by contradicting the aforementioned statements.

Mom screws up the vidoecam recording. Partially my fault. I should’ve told her that it’s possible to record something else over the initial recording and delete the latter. Anyway, now there’s no proof that I ever did receive anything from Mr.P. I still have the diploma itself, though. Right here on top of the printer. Looking disturbingly purple, too. Just like the entire school, only the school’s purple somewhere in its heart of darkness and not on the outside, thank god. The diploma has a fancy font thought, so me ish happy.

So now the horror, the horror has officially ended. And, I’m really sorry, my dear phoenix, but I don’t feel sad at all. Everything must come to an end, and in that particular case, it was about damn time. ‘Nuff said. Now kids, go out and ride bikes.



Word of the Day: Bummer

2006-05-19T19:12:05.706+03:00

K, let's do this...

I had to wake up at 7:45 after going to bed at 2 am and falling asleep even later. However, I woke up...earlier. Bummer.

I went to a stupid graduation rehearsal for the sole purpose of receiving my card from an 8th grader and getting the letter from the time capsule. Both these things were postponed for Monday. Bummer.

I get to sit in the same row as Marty+Ilianka, but I'm not next to them. Bummer.

I had great plans about dragging aforementioned Ilianka the future star to the movies and around downtown, but she had other business to take care of :) Bummer.

Out of sheer boredom, I went to the movies anyway and saw The Wild. It's basically a copy of Madagascar...but even dumber. Bummer.

Oh, and the Air Conditioning in that stupid theatre was waaaay too strong. And I hadn't taken my jacket with me this morning. Bummer.

When I got home I watched Sin City. Loved the coloring, the FX, etc...but the script was totally WTF. Oh, and Rory from Gilmore Girls played a hooker. Bummer.

Yet, let's end on a positive note. I also saw Dogville and...I'm...speechless. Nicole Kidman is an acting goddess and I'm starting to think Paul Bettany is kinda cute (which is awfully disturbing).
Oh, and the beer was good.

Peace out:)