Mon, 24 Oct 2016 05:00:00 ZHappy Music Monday! For many of us, rock was something holy. And for others, it was something that you could find on childhood TV. Today Scott's exploring the latter, and taking a look at the cartoons who decided to be rock stars. Alvin & The Chipmunks - Good Girls Don't You're gonna find a lot of Chimpmunk fakes out there today, but once upon a time, speeding things up was real cutting-edge stuff. This honest-to-goodness Chipmunks song was sort of a "Why not" kinda joke from the son of the original Dave Seville, Ross Bagdasarian, Sr. Ross Jr. might have been amazed to learn how many people still loved the Chipmunks, but he was quick to make the most of it. And, today, the Chipmunk empire reigns over all others. I wonder if they ever got that hula hoop. More to come, and boy, are they memorable. The Archies - Comes The Sun The story goes that, after The Monkees rebelled, Don Kirshner came up with this animated band so he never had to deal with real egos again. It makes a lot of sense, when you think about it, and The Archies actually DID have a pretty memorable hit. I chose this song instead for two reasons. One, it's nice to prove they had more than one direction. And two, this kinda sounds a little Velvet Underground, doesn't it? Just a few lyric tweaks and some distortion and it could be a John Cale-written song from their late period. For a cartoon, that's pretty edgy. Josie & The Pussycats - Open Up Your Eyes Long tails, and ears for hats. And for some reason, they were shot into outer space to tour the galaxy. Hey, it's not our place to question the government. All we can do is point out that the Pussycats made some pretty nifty songs as they cruised the galaxy! And, um, does anyone know if they ever got home? Gorillaz - Stylo Gorillaz are noteworthy because they're in two buckets at once. They're a supergroup made of rockers and rappers, but they're also a cartoon band. You'll note that, unlike the Archies or the Pussycats, Gorillaz can take advantage of modern 3D computer rendering. Good for them. MC Skat Kat feat. Paula Abdul - Opposites Attract MC Skat Kat had his own record too! It's terrible. Objectively terrible. Sorry, MC Skat Kat. You peaked right here. Hey hey hey, hit up our Facebook page and you might just win a vinyl record from The Archies! Additionally, let us just remind you: some images come from the corresponding Wikipedia page and are here under fair use. See you next week. [...]
Mon, 24 Oct 2016 05:00:00 Z
Sun, 23 Oct 2016 05:00:40 Z
This rolling cart right here? Why yes, it is an Adeptus! It's filled with bees!
Why did I bring my Adeptus full of bees to the golf course today? Well let's just say I...[turns to camera]...have no idea. But that's life, eh? Full of mystery! In fact, the Adeptus that I left at the clubhouse was also coincidentally full of mystery! Haha, no it was full of used bandages. But I think you get where I'm going with this: Adeptus is the rolling cart for me. It just lets me do my thing. I have over a hundred Adeptuses (Adeptus'? Adepti?) at home. Well, I don't really have a home, I sleep on an Adeptus. But in the abandoned lot where I keep my Adeptuses (Adeptu?), all my stuff is carefully cataloged. Well. The Adeptus full of honey is a little messy. But otherwise, Adeptus really helps me...[turns to camera again]...put things in drawers and roll them around. Wait, is that how the slogan goes? Well anyway. Adeptus: Put Things In Drawers And Roll Them Around.
Sat, 22 Oct 2016 05:00:23 Z
A much easier way to get to the Upside-Down.
Sure, you could build a secret research laboratory with a big creepy portal and climb through a bunch of slimy, scary branches into a secret Upside-Down world.
Or, you could rescue a girl with psychokinetic abilities from said secret research laboratory and then break into your school and build a sensory-deprivation tank in the gym and immerse her in it so she can get to the Upside-Down world.
OR you could just strap yourself into one of these things and flip yourself upside down. So maybe it's not as exciting as rescuing a girl from a secret lab, but things will still look pretty weird once you're flipped over.
Plus, it feels pretty good on your back! And you can't say that about climbing through a bunch of slimy tree branches.
Sat, 22 Oct 2016 05:00:00 Z
Fri, 21 Oct 2016 05:00:34 Z
The gift of a laptop is the best way to say "I'm sorry"
Rejected commercial for the HP 17.3" Intel Quad-Core 2TB SATA Laptop:
ANNOUNCER: And the winner of this year's competition is...the HP 17.3" Intel Quad-Core 2TB SATA Laptop!
JUDGE: Wait, that's not who we voted for.
ANNOUNCER: But you have to admit the HP is pretty great.
JUDGE: This is a dog grooming competition.
ANNOUNCER: The HP is very well groomed.
JUDGE: Yeah but—
COLLIE: Pardon me, but we think the HP should win too.
JUDGE: All of you?
ALL DOGS: Yes.
PUG: I'm hungry.
ANNOUNCER: Here, have an HP 17.3" Intel Quad-Core 2TB SATA Laptop.
JUDGE: Well, I guess that's that.
COLLIE: Also, we are going to destroy you.
ALL DOGS: Death to the humans!
[HP logo appears]
Fri, 21 Oct 2016 05:00:00 Z
Thu, 20 Oct 2016 05:00:24 Z
[add your own election joke here]
Good evening, welcome to TGI Doomsday’s. I’m Brad, and I live in a bear carcass. Would you like to hear today’s specials?
Yes, thank you Brad.
For starters, we’ve got a lovely boiled loafer dressed with bits of shredded tissue. Then we’re offering some gravel garnished with the tears of our chef. For dessert? A looted DVD of Honeymoon in Vegas coated in mud.
That sounds terrible, Brad.
DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU. LET WISE COMPANY TAKE YOU FROM CATASTROPHE TO CA-TASTE-TROPHE.
cut! that wordplay was lousy, mike. try something else.
DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU. LET WISE COMPANY TAKE YOU FROM “SAVE ME” TO “SAVORY.”
DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU. LET WISE COMPANY TAKE YOU FROM ARMAGEDDON TO, UHHH. YUMAGEDDON
Thu, 20 Oct 2016 05:00:00 ZWhoopsie! Sorry about that little snafu last week with the discussion thread. Not sure what happened there, but we've got it all fixed now. Though we probably didn't get as many puns as we normally would have, we still got some good ones. We also had a Secret Pun guesser once again. Congratulations to kloricacid for guessing "The Sixth Sense and Sensibility." Check your PM folder for your $5 coupon code! This week we're mashing up animals and song titles. Let's see what you can do with this one. Examples: Wonderwalrus Lion Eyes Octopush It And now for our favorites from last week, Double Feature: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Dune (barkwoot) Hairplane! (Coogles) Monsters Inc.redibles (axphw1) Honorable Mentions: Point Breakin' 2: Electric BoogaLooper (Coogles) LOLZ: Wall-E Tu Mamá También (axphw1) Twelve Angry Monkeys (kloricacid) Rosemary's Baby-Sitters Club (daveinwarshington) Now that we're actually giving stuff away, the legal peeps tell us we need these Terms and Conditions. So there they are. [...]
Wed, 19 Oct 2016 05:00:32 Z
Light something on fire. Just not yourself.
Don't light yourself on fire with this and, come to think of it, don't light anyone else on fire with it either. And don't light anyone's home or car or really any of their stuff on fire.
And don't light plastic on fire because that puts out a really weird smell. And don't light garbage on fire, because I'm pretty sure that's illegal. And definitely don't light a field of dried grass on fire because you might start a forest fire.
Then there's some stuff that you could set on fire if you really wanted to, but you still probably shouldn't. Like your tax returns. Or your comic book collection. Or your college degree.
So what can you light on fire? A candle would be great. Or some nice incense. Or the kindling to a bonfire. No, not a bonfire in the middle of your living room like that! Please help me put this out! Jeez, were you even listening?