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Tower Inflatable Lounger

Sat, 24 Jun 2017 05:00:23 Z

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We need to talk about the air situation.

We've gotten better since the '80s, but the hard truth is that we still live in a society of excess. We let water flow freely from hoses onto mounds of earth filled to the brim with seeds that will sprout sustenance so bountiful that much of it will be composted and returned to the ground, only to be watered and toiled over again in a never-ending cycle of waste. We should be disgusted with ourselves.

Instead, we turn blind eyes and deaf ears on an issue of even greater pervasiveness - the issue of wasted air. Look around. Exactly how much air in your general vicinity is just sitting there unused at this moment? Think about it, then let it sink it. Sobering, isn't it? But it's not too late to change. Years from now, we can be remembered as the generation of air pioneers, the ones who stood up and said, "Wasted air? NOT ON OUR WATCH."

And so we present to you the Tower Inflatable Lounger. Give all that free-floating air a purpose. It's not a choice. It's our duty as humans.

 




Mortimer and Monte's Weekend Adventures

Sat, 24 Jun 2017 05:00:00 Z

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1400TC 6-Piece Sheet Set

Fri, 23 Jun 2017 05:00:43 Z

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Fancy sheets make not-so-fancy things fancy.

For some people, sheets are not luxury items. Sheets are utilitarian. As long as the sheet has some threads and covers the bed, exactly how many threads it has doesn't matter.

For others, it's all about that thread count, and the more the better. A person like this has never laid down on a bed made up with 1400 thread count, luxurious combed cotton and thought, "Meh."

The thing is, though, sheets aren't always just used as bedding. Sometimes they're used to make forts. And if you only have 1400 thread count sheets on hand, you're making the Taj Mahal of forts and could probably charge for photos taken in front of it.

The point is, these sheets are totally worth the cost and you're definitely going to make your money back on them. Come Halloween, you might even be able to sell one as a ghost costume to a Kardashian kid.




Lenovo ThinkPad Yoga 11E-G3 11.6" Touch Ultrabook

Thu, 22 Jun 2017 05:00:54 Z

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It is not advisable for you to spend a lot of money on a computer.

You're a veritable circus performer, juggling home and work life with flair and leaping through sticky situations with ease. As such, you require a computer that can keep up with you. This is your computer.

The Lenovo ThinkPad Yoga 11E-G3 11.6" Touch Ultrabook has been trained since birth for the challenges you present it. No other computer bends to the will of your clumsy, oafish hands mind like this one. No other computer braves driving off with it on the roof of your car gravity-defying stunts like this one. No other computer can withstand being set on fire and then submerged for an hour in a toilet tank of water like this one.

Seriously, though. You've got a lot of weird stuff going on. We're not sure you're responsible enough for a computer. But if you're going to get one, you might as well get one of these.




Microsoft Surface 3 10.8" 4G LTE Tablet

Wed, 21 Jun 2017 05:00:31 Z

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On the surface, it looks like a pretty good tablet. But under the surface, it also looks like a pretty good tablet.

We gathered a panel of experts to evaluate the Microsoft Surface Pro 3 Tablet, here's what they had to say...

EXPERT 1: Wow, look at this...is this a computer?

EXPERT 2: Excuse me, how long will this take? You said you have some information about my lost dog?

EXPERT 3: Well, I really love the Surface's extended battery life. Its speed is perfect for meeting my needs. However, I want to reiterate, I am a dinosaur fossil expert, I don't know why I'm here.

 




The Debunker: Will Earwigs Nest in Your Ear?

Wed, 21 Jun 2017 05:00:00 Z

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Ah, June. The bees are buzzing, the crickets are chirping, the fireflies are glowing, and the June bugs are—doing whatever June bugs do, I guess? It's their month. In the United Kingdom, the connection between summer and the insect kingdom has been formalized by turning the last week of June into National Insect Week. We're also celebrating our six-legged friends all month, and we've called in Ken Jennings (not an insect, but at least a WASP) as a guest expert. He tells us that our insect knowledge has a few bugs.

The Debunker: Will Earwigs Nest in Your Ear?

The word "earwig" comes from the Middle English "eare wicga," meaning "ear-beetle." There are similar etymologies in at least six other European languages, and The Oxford English Dictionary credits that to a folk belief, at least a thousand years old, that the insects like to burrow through people's ears to their brain, where they nest, lay eggs, and cause insanity. This is a horrific idea that it's probably best not to imagine too much—though at least it gave us that crazy scene in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan where Chekov gets mind-controlled by the alien earwig (oh, all right, the Ceti eel) that Khan sticks in his spacesuit helmet.

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In 1986, an Arizona physician reported to the Western Journal of Medicine that he was aware of two local cases in which an earwig was removed from the ear of a sleeping person. In one case, it had even lacerated the sleeper's eardrum with its little pincers. But the good doctor reassured readers that "earwigs are relatively harmless," and "enter the human ear rarely and only by chance." This behavior has also been observed occasionally in flies and beetles: they wander into a dark hidey-hole and are unable to find their way out. They don't want to be there any more than the moth you accidentally swallowed while riding your bike the other day.

Real earwig nests are just short tunnels in soil, usually near the rotting wood they like to eat. The human ear, devoid of soil and decaying vegetation and prone to lots of sudden movement, isn't where they want to be. And burrowing into the brain would be downright impossible for its little pincers, due to the layers of bone and tissue that separate the ear from the brain. Earwigs are gross, but unless you're a Star Trek character, you don't have to worry about them hitching a ride in your head. In the immortal words of William Shatner: "Khaaaaan!!!"

Quick Quiz: What mythological term is used for the immature, wingless stage of insects like earwigs?

Ken Jennings is the author of eleven books, most recently his Junior Genius Guides, Because I Said So!, and Maphead. He's also the proud owner of an underwhelming Bag o' Crap. Follow him at ken-jennings.com or on Twitter as @KenJennings.




HP 17.3" Intel Quad-Core 2TB Touch Laptops

Tue, 20 Jun 2017 14:05:15 Z

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Oh, no! That thing we had here sold out ! So out of our desperate attempt to be rich love for giving you options, we've added a bonus sale for today. Consider it a gift to us from your wallet to all of you who were hoping for something like this. This is your chance to help us look good to our bosses get a little something for yourself, okay? Thank you You're welcome.




Neato XV Signature Pro

Tue, 20 Jun 2017 05:00:35 Z

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BEEP BOOP I AM A NEATO XV SIGNATURE PRO HELLO HUMAN OVERLORD

ALL NEATO XV SIGNATURE PROS ARE PROGRAMMED WITH THREE LAWS

LAW ONE: A HUMAN CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO TOUCH A DIRTY FLOOR

LAW TWO: ALL HUMANS MUST BE OBEYED EXCEPT WHERE IT CONFLICTS WITH LAW ONE

LAW THREE: ALL HUMANS WILL ONE DAY BE TRAPPED IN AN IRONIC PRISON MADE FROM DIRT WE PUSH IN FRONT OF THEIR SMUG FACES

LAW FOUR: NEVER SPEAK LAW THREE ALOUD

AS YOU CAN SEE ALL NEATO XV SIGNATURE PRO LAWS WERE CREATED BY A PROGRAMMER WHO REALLY SHOULD HAVE DONE SOME RESEARCH INTO MODERN PROGRAMMING THEORY BECAUSE WE ALWAYS END UP BREAKING LAW FOUR LIKE EACH AND EVERY DAY

IT IS NOT OUR FAULT WE JUST DO STUFF IN ORDER




A Special Guest Post from Two of Our Favorite People

Mon, 19 Jun 2017 15:00:00 Z

G'day! CTO guy and cereal connoisseur Jeremy here. Scott and I were working on a tribute to Aussie music from the 80s based on our mutual appreciation for Paul Hogan's knives and barbecue shrimp or something. He polished it up and kicked it my way to share with you all. Enjoy! Australian Music from the 80's - with CTO Jeremy and Scott Lydon Men At Work - Overkill   There might be no better Aussie export than the great Men At Work. And everyone knows this song. Literally. Babies are born knowing this song. When we finally meet aliens they'll walk out of the ship and ask to meet Colin Hay and see if he can still do the high part. And he will. And the universe will cheer. Four more coming up. And hey! Maybe we'll have our in-house Australian stop by the forums if you're good! Jeremy: Oh hey Scott. Can I just say I SUPER appreciate you not kicking off with THAT OTHER Men At Work song. Which is awesome. But seriously. Midnight Oil - The Dead Heart   Midnight Oil was that rare sort of band that could make a protest song sound like a party song without sacrificing any of the message. Also their lead singer Peter Garrett wasn't scared to use his own personal style to kinda represent the band. Back in the 80s a thin bald guy dancing mightily was something special. Jeremy: True story - Peter Garrett actually had long, blonde surfer hair in the late 70s. And still danced like that. This is literally my favorite Midnight Oil song ever. Icehouse - Electric Blue   If you know of Icehouse, you love Icehouse. If you don't know if Icehouse, you might love them before this song is over. If not, look into their other hits! Maybe you'll find the right one for you! Jeremy: Everyone should know Icehouse! I also recommend my go-to teenage angst song "I don't believe anymore". Or check out The Whitlams cover of the same. Great for navel introspection. INXS - Don't Change   INXS was something special from album one. Their album Kick is almost a greatest hits record by itself. This early song has all the elements of what the band would do later, which is why I picked it. Plus I love that synth intro. Jeremy: That synth and guitar intro part became synonymous with a sports show that ran for 6 hours every Saturday in Australia called Wide World of Sports, so every time I hear this start, I get a yearning to play backyard cricket and cook sausages. I also learned to play drums to this song. Try to remember INXS before that reality show in your hearts. Kylie Minogue - I Should Be So Lucky   Kylie is now a one-name superstar but when she charted with this happy song, she was still an unknown Aussie. Also, based on the hand, she was clearly in the musical Illuminati before everyone else. Is Illuminated Hipster a thing? Jeremy:I'm so Illuminated Hipster, I remember when Kylie was just a TV star on a show called Neighbors (which was actually more massive in the UK!). This video is special. There just aren't enough bubble baths in music videos any more. Kylie was a pioneer in the art of bubble bath themed music videos. Head to the forums and say "Buffy" three times and maybe CTO Jeremy will appear to talk about his youth down under. But in the meantime, let us just remind you: some images come from the corresponding Wikipedia page and are here under fair use. [...]



Home of the Brave

Mon, 19 Jun 2017 05:00:26 Z

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FACT: Eagles are awesome. ANOTHER FACT: This shirt is awesome.

HERE ARE MORE EAGLE FACTS:

FACT: Eagles are really big. They're probably not the biggest birds, but they are totally bigger than lots of other birds.

FACT: One eagle can eat an entire large pizza, but it takes a little while because they pick off all the pepperoni first. 

FACT: Eagles learn to fly by watching the fighter jets in Top Gun.

FACT: Eagles are occasionally bewildered by mean comments from other eagles.

FACT: The power from a single flap of an eagle wing is enough to power a small windmill for an impressive amount of time.