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Preview: Sebastian's Pamphlets » Google

Sebastian's Pamphlets » Google

If you've read my articles somewhere on the Internet, expect something different here.

Published: Fri, 08 Dec 2017 16:31:39 +0000


Dear webmaster, don’t trust Google on links

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 01:23:58 +0000

I’m not exactly a fan of non-crawlable content, but here it goes, provided by Joshua Titsworth (click on a tweet in order to favorite and retweet it): What has to be said [View the story “A rant on Google’s outlandish link policy by SebastianX” on Storify] Google’s link policy is ape shit. They don’t even believe their own [...]

Get the Google cop outta my shopping cart!

Thu, 02 Dec 2010 16:46:06 +0000

So now Google ranks my shopping SERPs by its opinion of customer service quality? Do not want! I’m perfectly satisfied with shopping search results ordered by relevancy and (link) popularity. I do not want Google to decide where I have to buy my stuff, just because an assclown treating his customers like shit got coverage in the [...]

Buy Free VIAGRA® Online! No Shipping Costs!

Tue, 30 Nov 2010 13:59:06 +0000

Your search for prescription free Viagra® ends here. Pfizer just released the amazingly easy-to-understand Ultimate VIAGRA® DIY Guide (PDF, 30 illustrated pages). Look at the simple molecule on page one, cloning it is a breeze. Go brew your own! With a little help from your local alchemist, er, pharmacist, you can make even pills and paint [...]

sway(”Google Webmaster Happiness Index”, $numStars, $rant);

Wed, 17 Nov 2010 14:55:36 +0000

Rumors about GWHI are floating around for a while, but not even insiders were able to figure out the formula. As a matter of fact, not a single webmaster outside the Googleplex has ever seen it. I assume Barry’s guess is quite accurate: Anyway, I don’t care what it is, or how it works, as [...]

How to spam the hell out of Google’s new source attribution meta elements

Tue, 16 Nov 2010 16:34:47 +0000

The moment you’ve read Google’s announcement and Matt’s question “What about spam?” you concluded “spamming it is a breeze”, right? You’re not alone. Before we discuss how to abuse it, it might be a good idea to define it within its context, ok? Playground First of all, Google announced these meta tags on the official Google News blog  [...]

While doing evil, reluctantly: Size, er trust matters.

Wed, 03 Nov 2010 15:50:05 +0000

These Interwebs are a mess. One can’t trust anyone. Especially not link drops, since Twitter decided to break the Web by raping all of its URIs. Twitter’s sloppy URI gangbang became the Web’s biggest and most disgusting clusterfuck in no time. I still can’t agree to the friggin’ “N” in SNAFU when it comes to [...]

Is Google a search engine based in Mountain View, CA (California, USA)?

Tue, 19 Oct 2010 17:13:25 +0000

Is Google a search engine? Honest answer: Dunno. Google might be a search engine. It could be a fridge, too. Or a yet undiscovered dinosaur, a scary purple man-eater, a prescription drug, or my mom’s worst nightmare. According to the search engine pre-installed in my browser, “Dogpile” is a search engine, and “Bing”, “Altavista”, even “Wikipedia”. [...]

WTF have Google, Bing, and Yahoo cooking?

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 09:08:25 +0000

Folks, I’ve got good news. As a matter of fact, they’re so good that they will revolutionize SEO. A little bird told me, that the major search engines secretly teamed up to solve the problem of context and meaning as a ranking factor. They’ve invented a new Web standard that allows content producers to steer [...]

OMFG - Google sends porn punters to my website …

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 18:11:48 +0000

In todays GWC doctor’s office, the webmaster of an innocent orphanage website asks Google’s Matt Cutts: [My site] is showing up for searches on ‘girls in bathrooms’ because they have an article about renovating the girls bathroom! What do you think of the idea if a negative keyword meta tag to block irrelevant searches? [sic!] Well, we [...]

Cloaking is good for you. Just ignore Bing’s/Google’s guidelines.

Mon, 05 Jul 2010 18:24:08 +0000

Summary first: If you feel the need to cloak, just do it within reason. Don’t cloak because you can, but because it’s technically the most elegant procedure to accomplish a Web development task. Bing and Google can’t detect your (in no way deceptive) intend algorithmically. Don’t spam away, though, because you might leave trails besides [...]