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Part-time House Monkey

Rantings from the Monkey Enclosure!

Updated: 2018-03-06T03:45:29.070-08:00


How Did This Happen?


I have officially become a video game geek. I mean yes, I have always loved RPGs (Role-playing Games, for the non-geekoids out there). But then I bought Dragon Age: Origins. I have been playing it pretty much non-stop! I can't freaking get enough of it!! I think I am on my third play through and I still haven't found all there is to find and do!!!!!!

My new friends are now the virtual ones that my character(s) have in the game. I found myself talking out loud to them yesterday. "Alistair dear, could you please make this giant spider stop eating my face. Okay, thanks."

This maybe a sign of something... but I don't know what.

But I really didn't notice that my geekdom was getting out of hand until this morning. Boyfriend is playing games on the XBOX and I can not play! It is hell! I want him to go study, not for the good of his grades but so that I can get on the freaking XBOX! I am jonesing to play! It is like crack man. I have to play it.

So since he refuses to go study, even though I have pointed out to him that his grade could be suffering, I decided to read up on Dragon Age. Yes, that is correct. I LOOKED UP DRAGON AGE! I found the Dragon Age Wiki and now I know all the things I missed and that makes me want the XBOX that much freaking more!!

To make matters worse. I "liked" Dragon Age on my personal Facebook page and now it sends me cool things! Today it sent me Sunday comics that are video game related. I laughed. A lot. I actually got the geeky video game references. Just to show you how geeky I am - here is the comic that I actually laughed out loud to for about 3 minutes.

So yeah. I admit it. I am now a "gamer". Dragon Age 2 already has a release date. I was very disappointed to learn it wasn't until 2011. Damn it!!

I Need a New Title!


I am all registered to start Blinn on Aug. 30th. I am scared to freaking death! FREAK OUT!!!

Now that is over and done with here are my classes. (WARNING: there may be another freak out after I list them. Prepare yourself!)

On Mondays and Wednesdays I will be taking History of Western Civilizations and FINITE MATH.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I will be taking ORGANIC CHEMISTRY (freak-out pending) and Criminal Investigations.

I am not a math person. One of my besties, C, will be very angry if she reads this. I know C. I know. It is not a genetic malfunction. Math is just math.

I am telling you people. I am SERIOUSLY not a math person. I hate math. It scares me and hurts my girly brain.  I have no clue what finite math even means. "Finite" -  makes it sound that much more ominous.

(image) Organic Chemistry - that is just scary. Everyone think of things that are organic. Seems okay right. I mean chocolate is organic. MMMM. Theobromine is the active ingredient in chocolate. But look! Does that look tasty at all? I mean all the bonds and double bonds and the hydrophobic methyl groups. I mean really - doesn't that just take the magic out of chocolate for you? Carbon rings (and no ladies, even though diamonds are made out of carbon - these rings have no bling unless you count dangles of functional groups as snazzy adornments)

So yeah. I am freaking out a little bit. I am really excited about my Criminal Investigations class. I am hoping it will be fun enough to balance out the boredom of Western Civ and the AAAHHHHHH! moments from Math and Organic Chem.

I do have a point to all of this. I know you are waiting on pins and needles!

As of Aug. 30th I will no longer be a part-time house monkey. I will be a full time college student. Should I change the name of the blog? If I do what should I change it to? School Monkey doesn't have the same charm.

Give me your opinions oh wise ones of the interweb. What do you think??

Old Spice Meets New Spice.


I LOVE LOVE LOVE the new Old Spice Commercials with Isaiah Mustafa

Here is my absolute favorite from the series.








BYU did a spoof for their library. It also very very awesome.

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Relocation is official!


The big day finally arrived. We are officially living in Bryan-College Station (known by the locals as BCS). We have been moving and unpacking since Saturday.

The move was absolute hell! Everything that could go wrong that way did. Cars didn't start, people didn't show up to help, things took longer than we thought... it was an overwhelming and totally annoying experience! Then when we got here we realized that not everything in the floor plan is in the apartment.The thing I was most excited about was having a food pantry, but alas, when we got here there was no such pantry *sad face*. The bathrooms were a bit different than the floor plans too. For some reason the master bedroom is smaller than the spare room. I am assuming it is the master bedroom since it has a bathroom attached  But now that it is just the two of us and things are more laid back I am really starting to like it here. We totally have the kitchen unpacked. The internet, cable, and the XBOX is set up. We went to the grocery store and got the food all put away plus the clothes are now unpacked! We see light at the end of the tunnel!!!

I unpacked my office space. I now have my PC set up and can go back to blogging, tweeting, and facebooking. I am really settling in here. I love it! The locals seem really freaking nice - almost creepy nice. The co-eds will soon storm the gates and I am sure things will change. I will keep you posting on the impending doom.

Sorry this is so short tonight. I am still unpacking and I just wanted to post an update.

From The "What The Hell Was She Thinking" Files...


I woke up this morning to news reports that a mother here in Texas killed her two children because they had autism. I found the link to 911 call on a local TV station's website. I would love to read your comments on this one!


As a mother that has a case of the crazies I am mortified. My daughter lives with my mother because I am terrified I will go off the deep end and be one of these women that make the news. I made sure my child was safe. I am also flabbergasted that no one saw the signs. No one noticed she was about to break? I don't know if I feel bad for her or want to strangle her the way she strangled her kids. She deserves punishment - but what kind?

Running Out of Time


I am facing my own procrastination - again. This is nothing new. I am a HUGE procrastinator, I always think oh I have plenty of time - but I wait until the last minute anyway. I am running out of time to pack. I have a lot packed, but the more I pack the more I find to pack. Is this the way it always is?

I went to the doctor yesterday and got back on my ADHD meds. It is nice to be able to focus and get stuff done! I packed the kitchen today. All in one day, all in a few hours!! It was awesome!!!!

I also have some pretty good news last night. I have figured a way around my financial issues and I am going to get to go to school this semester! I am so excited! I really wanted to go back to school. I miss it so much. Now that I have my ADHD meds back there is nothing to hold me back! I will register next week. I am happy :)

So 5 days until moving day when our lives change forever. I am looking forward to it - but I am scared to death!!

A Day at the Beach...


I spent a day relaxing at the beach with my daughter and mother this past weekend; the trip there was anything but relaxing!

It all started with a freeway closure due to construction. People cutting others off and honking their horns as if the poor person in front of them could move another inch. Some people are so stupid! I don't understand why a traffic jam makes people turn into idiots.

Then I stopped for gas. I HATE PUMPING GAS! I absolutely hate it more than anything. So I had to pump gas. Then afterwards I got a bit lost trying to find the entrance back onto the freeway. My ADHD kicked in and I was looking in one direction and I breezed through a stop sign. Oops! I waved an apology as I drove by the car waiting at the stop sign. I am cute - that should've been enough right? WRONG.

The car behind the car I apologized to decided to chase me down. Yes ladies and gentlemen, he chased me down! The moron raced up beside me and started screaming at me to pull over, at least I think that is what he asked between all the swearing. He chased for the better part of a mile until I pulled into a crowded parking lot - oh yeah friends, it gets better!

I pulled in behind a cop car - I am one smart cookie! I park behind the cop and sit in the car. The moron, blinded by pure rage, got out of his car and walked up to my car window and started yelling about how I could have killed him and how I was irresponsible and a stupid woman driver.
I don't think he ever saw the police officer step out of his car. The officer arrested him right there. Slammed the cuffs on him.

The rest of the day was relaxing. I sat on the shore and collected rocks and beach glass. I got sunburned despite my sunscreen, and at a great burger from a burger shack on the beach. It ended up being a very relaxing day.

Back to the Land of the Living


I have been really busy...well that is a lie. I have been busy with watching TV, sitting on my ass, and playing Lego Batman. To tell the absolute truth blogging has been the furthest thing from my mind for quite some time.

I have been turning my energy inward; trying to get my head on straight to go back to school. The new meds are working wonderfully. If I knew nothing about biochemistry, I would tell everyone to run out to their doctors and get a prescription for Effexor. I feel more clear headed than I have in years, if not entire decades! I am stronger, I am calmer, and best of all I am me again!!

Yesterday I got some news I wasn't expecting. Seems I won't be going to Blinn in the Fall as hoped. Financial issues and my past have come to bite me in the proverbial ass. It will be okay though. I can be a full time house monkey like I wanted to be in the first place. I got my wish - so why, my friends, was I so unbelievably sad?

After a bit of contemplation, it is actually not a bad thing.I will be able to go in the Spring semester, school is not a total loss. I am choosing to look at this as the universe's way of telling me that I am not yet ready for school. I still have some healing to do, and that is okay.

So I have decided it is time for Jenny to come back to the land of the living. I am going to open up again and give the universe the opportunity to do what it has planned.

Plus, we move in a little more than a week. I have all of 2 boxes packed. I mean I have a WHOLE WEEK! What's the rush, right? I have to move back to the land of the living if I am going to pull off this move.

It is for the best, I need to find things to do with my time anyhow seeing as the XBOX is on the fritz.

Where Have You Been?


I have been out of the loop for a few weeks now. Nothing major happened - well nothing tragic anyway. I have been cleaning, working (more on this in a bit), and getting ready for the move and school. I would like to thank those that have emailed to check on me. I feel truly loved :)

(image) I have been cleaning and purging. When we move we are losing precious closet space, that means we I need to get rid of some of our my crap. I have a huge pile ready to donate. I am so proud of myself for getting rid of stuff. You have NO idea!

I am still unemployed. Planning on staying that way for a while, however, I still have a conference in New Orleans the first week of June that I need to prepare for. I have been working with my partner on our presentation. I am also helping my mother organize her house so that has taken some of my time as well.

We went and signed our lease in Aggieland! While we were there I also enrolled at Blinn College. I didn't get to register, but I will on June 10th. I am really excited and nervous. I am not sure if I am more excited or more nervous - but I know I am both.

I also got my baby bird back from my mom. I gave him to mom because between us working and going to school we were never home to give him the attention he needed. But now I am unemployed and when I do go back to school I will only be away from the house a few hours a day. I missed him horribly and felt I needed something more than Boyfriend to nurture.

(image) My bird is a 3 year old sun conure named Maui. He is adorable and very smart - sometimes too smart. He only has one foot because he got a string tied around his foot that cut off the circulation. The vet couldn't save it, even though we tried, and he had to have it amputated. It doesn't seem to phase him though. He runs, climbs, and plays like it was never there. Maui can say "peek-a-boo" (which sounds like peeboo), "fruit", "bath", "come on" and off course "SQUAWK" he is a very loud bird!! I am working on training him to use his inside voice. I will keep you posted.

So that is what is going on... nothing tragic. I am feeling better, the new meds seem to be working a bit better than the old ones. I will be more on top of the blog. I get so distracted - GO ADD!

Thanks again for all the emails :)

I Am Honored!


KLZ over at Taming Insanity honored me with the Versatile Blogger Award yesterday! I am totally honored! I love her blog and she always has great comments. I am very very happy right now! Thank you KLZ! There are some things I have to do to accept this award:
  • Thank the person who gave you this award. 
  • Share 7 things about yourself. 
  • Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic! 
So 7 things about myself....

1. I hate wet bread. It makes me cry. I can't stand the site of it. If I touch it I tear up and want to throw up. It is nasty and disgusting.

2. I am VERY afraid of dolls. Not all dolls. Just the ones that look real. Or the ones that have eyes that open and close... it is even worse if one of their eyes are broken and only one opens and closes. *shiver*

3. I totaled my mother's car when she was one payment from paying it off. Oops.

4. I have had a least 7 majors in college. I switch all the time. It took me 7 years to get my Associate's Degree because I had to keep starting over. Go ADD!

(image) 5. Wonder Woman was my hero for a long time when I was a kid. My 5th birthday party was a Wonder Woman birthday party! It was awesome. I also had Wonder Woman Underoos to which I added a yellow headband, a jump rope (for my magic lasso), and cowboy boots (I didn't have red Go-Go boots but I always wanted some). I even named my dog Diana after Diana Prince, Wonder Woman's alter ego.

6. I am allergic to cilantro and hot peppers but I love Tex Mex food. It is a hard life to live!

7. I have a fascination with serial killers. Not the serial killer themselves, but with the psychology behind their "behavior". One of my favorite shows is Criminal Minds on CBS. I may go into forensic psychology... it is still up in the air.

And as for the 15 bloggers - I am going to do a few less than that.

Mommy on the Spot

The Pretend Writer

Lessons in Life and Light

Thanks again KLZ for this great honor! I really really appreciate it!

Starting from Scratch


I am sorry it has been so long since I posted. I have been really down lately. I went to the doctor on Thursday and we adjusted my meds so we are "waiting and seeing". He also recommended I get a depression workbook. So after my appointment Boyfriend and I went to Barnes and Noble and picked up this book:

I spent the morning taking "Your Depression Inventory" (pg 39) an was amazed by just how depressed I really am. My therapist mentioned that he thought I was holding back. I have been - more than I know. The only thing I scored low in (1 out of 5) was "I think about killing myself." I don't think about killing myself. I don't have a plan in place. But then another question came up, "I want to fall asleep and never wake up." Now I have said that many times; I never thought of it as suicidal thoughts. I just think of it as being really really tired. According to the book it is one and the same. (Boyfriend agreed). This means I have been lying to myself and my therapist all this time! Not on purpose - but it is deepeI than I ever imagined.

I am supposed to take this inventory every two weeks as I work through my recovery. I am so scared that I am beyond hope. Frighten that I will figure out it isn't worth it. Maybe I am meant to be a depressed,anxious, angry person! That is what drugs and alcohol are for right... oh yeah... I stopped doing things that were "bad for me".

(image) I used to have a "problem" with pain meds and alcohol. I have been clean for some time now - but the urge gets very strong sometimes. My doctor asked me if I was taking any drugs other than my meds. I said,"No. I wish I were sometimes, but no." He then made me take a urinalysis tox screen for drug use. This really made me angry. I am not using. I said I wasn't using. You are making me feel like an addict... wait. FUCK!

It was the first time I was ever treated like an addict. I hid my addiction pretty well from most people. I never got an intervention (although I probably needed one) and I was never ever told to pee in a cup to see if I was telling the truth. I know now that is why it pissed me off so much. In that moment, I was an addict. I was hurt that even a stranger wouldn't trust me to tell the truth. I wanted to go home and take a pill and go to bed. In that moment I wanted to give into my addiction to get away from the feeling of being an addict. That is when I realized I had to start taking things seriously. I was on a dangerous road and about to swerve into incoming traffic. That is when I decided to go to the bookstore and buy that book.

I will keep you posted on everything.

P.S. I am officially on unemployment and a full-time house monkey for the next 3 months. I am excited about that!

I Have No Idea...


Today I am stumped. I have no idea what to do with myself. I am home alone for the first time in a long time. Boyfriend is out with his friend and I was going to fart around on the internet. I didn't fart around for long before I had an epiphany. I am bored with the internet today.

I am sure this has to be a mistake. How can one be bored with the internet?

have read all the blogs in my blogroll and responded where I thought comments were needed. I have been active-ish on Twitter tonight - but the udder enjoyment I usually feel from exploring the internet just isn't there tonight. I have no clue what is going on, but I am sure it is a sign that the end of days is coming... prepare yourselves.

Hairball Bunnies and Irritation


I spent 1/2 a day cleaning our bathroom. It wasn't that gross, but I cleaned everything. I cleaned out from under the sink, cleaned the walls, and the baseboards. Boyfriend even commented on how nice the bathroom looked and smelled (which is very uncharacteristic of him). I was so proud of myself. Something to write in my cookie jar journal.

So now, don't get me wrong. I know I am a part-time House Monkey. I know it is my job to clean up around the house. HOWEVER, I also know it is my job to go to work - just as much as he does. So is it really too much to demand ask for him to gather up all the hair he leaves all over the bathroom? It was in the shower, on the back of the toliet, on the sink, and on the floor. I understand he has long hair. I even understand that hair falls out. What I can't wrap my head around is how hard it must be for a man to bend over and gather all the hair and place it in the trash can that his House Monkey so lovingly placed beside the toliet. Right there. In plain site. Well within reach and I might add with a nice new shiny trash bag in it to collect all of the well - lets face it - hair.

I was so pissed irritated that I actually thought about gathering all of Boyfriend's hair and placing a nice big hairball on his computer keyboard. Maybe then when he went to type half asleep he would feel the hairball and magically begin to remember him to do this simple task that I have been asking  him to do for 2 years.

Then I had a thought. He knows exactly how to push my buttons. He knows exactly how to extract his revenge... An image ran through my head - with full sound and color. I could see Boyfriend, with a smirk of satisifaction on his face, fashioning tiny rabbit ears and a bow on said hairball. He will then say that he has a new pet and named it George (or Billy or even worse HARRY) and would ask if I wanted to hold it. He would torture me with that hairball until I wanted to kill him.

Needless to say, the hair is still all over the bathroom. I will clean it up and bitch ask him to please remember to clean it up next time. I.AM.A.BADASS!

The Final Countdown


(image) I am very sad today...I woke up and realized that I only have one week left in this job. I want to go on record as saying I absolutely LOVE this job. No, I am not just saying that. I really love this job. I have the most amazing boss, one who genuinely cares about her employees and gives credit where credit is due. She takes care of us and is actually tearing up that I am leaving.

I contacted unemployment - and I will get enough to make it. It is of course A LOT less than I make now - but it is better than nothing. It is going to be pouring more stress in an already stressful situation. Packing up our lives and moving to a new town to start school at new schools. Grad school for Boyfriend, going back to full-time student for me. Leaving our friends, our family, and our jobs that we have had for 5+ years. I am stressed... so stressed.

I can feel the depression monster peeping in the windows. He is an ugly bastard. I have been beating him off with a stick, but my stick is wearing thin. I am not giving up though - not by a long shot. I have an appointment with my psychologist next Thursday. I am taking my meds, a matter of fact I have a refill called in. I am doing my cookie jar journal, and that is helping me feel like I am actually getting things accomplished.

So this is it internet - the final countdown to life as this House Monkey knows it...7 days until unemployment and 81 days until we move. (On the bright side, I will have 75 days to pack our apartment properly!)

And for those that was so hoping this was a tribute to Europe - I will not disappoint:

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The A-Team


(image) I was reading the comments on This Might Just Work from yesterday, I was inspired to write a post this morning. Remember the show from the 80s "The A-Team". I absolutely LOVED that show. I would watch it every time it came on and then in syndication. I would watch it today if I could get my hands on it. I hear there is a movie remake coming soon - and I am excited!

But the muses in my monkey heart reminded me of good 'ol John "Hannibal" Smith - always smoking his cigar. At the end of every episode he would say his famous catch phrase, which I ALWAYS shouted with him, "I love it when a plan comes together."

I love it when a plan comes together... that is how I am feeling these days. School is going to work out and I am working on feeling more confident and learning to enjoy my small victories every day.

My therapist suggested that I write down my accomplishments everyday. I thought he was insane. Really make a list of all the things I accomplish in a day. It would be a total waste of time. The things that I get done in a day do not amount to enough to write down. My list would be so small and so insignificant that I would feel worse instead of better.

But one day my friend asked me, "What did you do today?" So I started listing the seemingly minuscule things I did that day. After I was done with my list my friend said, "Wow! You got a lot accomplished today!"

...wait... I did... wait, no. No I didn't. ....confusion...thinking... wait... I DID!

(image) I wasn't giving myself enough credit. I did get a lot accomplished that day. Maybe my therapist has a point - maybe if I make a list and give myself some cookies now and then for things I accomplished I might start realizing that I am actually accomplishing things.

I am starting today. I am keeping a "Cookie Jar" journal so that I can give myself cookies and feel accomplished. The plan is coming together nicely and who knows - by the time school starts I may be less like Murdock and more like Hannibal...although I will probably keep my sock puppet for company.

I couldn't end this post without a tribute to Murdock - so here is the best chase scene ever to air on broadcast television!

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This Might Just Work!


Can it be internet? Is it true that things might actually go the way I want them to?

I sat down with the class schedule from Blinn College yesterday. I found a schedule where I wouldn't have to be in class too early (I could still run daytime errands) and I wouldn't be out too late (still help with dinner). I can still be a part-time house monkey and go to school full time!

I also found out that I can ride the bus for FREE! Yes FREE! It is a 10 minute bus ride from our new apartment to Blinn. This isn't public transit in the normal sense. This is for college students only transit. You have to have a college ID to ride! So it is more of a shuttle than a  bus. This means instead of dumping more money into my clunker I can actually sell it for some extra money.

I also found out I can collect unemployment over the summer. YAY! So with that, the money I get from the car, plus some money I have coming from a job. I might just make it through the summer without having to float on credit cards. Can this be real.

If I am dreaming do not wake me up. I want this to last a while. I am getting more and more confident and more and more excited with each passing day! WOO HOO!!

Change is Good? Right?


Well internet - I have made a major decision. It was gut-wrenching and hard. There were a lot of tears and some disagreements in the house, but the decision was made. I am going back to school. When we move to College Station I will be attending Blinn College, the community college in Bryan,  and joining their Transfer Articulation Program (TAP). Basically I will be attending Blinn for 2 semesters and then I am guaranteed admission into Texas A&M.

You many be asking, "Why was this such a hard decision?" It took me 7 years to get my first Associate Degree in General Math and Science. I changed my major about 5 times and had to keep starting over. Depression took over some semesters and I didn't finish that semester's classes, so I would have to keep retaking classes. I vowed every semester that I would fight through and finish, but more times than not I just gave up. I did eventually finish and transfered to the University of Houston - Downtown. In the 2 semesters I attended, I only finished one class with a C, and only because it was an online class.

So there were doubts, both my own and Boyfriend's, that I would follow through. It isn't my ability to handle the course work that was in question. It is the fact that I have a problem finishing things I start. We will be in College Station for 5 years while Boyfriend is in grad school. So I have to finish my new Associate Degree in Criminal Justice and transfer to A&M to get my Bachelor's in Forensic Science in that same time frame. I am in my mid 30's it is time to get this done!

It really sucks when you are known for not finishing what you start. It is even worse when it is Boyfriend doubting that you will follow through. But I decided. This is it. I have this one chance to prove to Boyfriend, my family, my friends, and more importantly myself, that I can do this. I am smart. I love forensics. I can do this.

This also means that my Full-Time House Monkey aspirations are put on hold until further notice. I am trading in that aspiration for Full-Time College Monkey (ha ha). I am actually getting excited. The fear is fading away and I am feeling more and more confident. I am sure with the support of Boyfriend, my friends, and you I will be able to do this!

5 Simple Tips to Keep House Monkeys Happy


I think we can all agree that if the House Monkey isn't happy then no one in the house is happy. I thought I would give you all a few tips that will keep your House Monkey happy. I think this would apply to both male and female House Monkeys - just common sense.

(image) 1. Put your dirty clothes in the designated place. For us we have one hamper that all the clothes go in. I am sure your house has an equivalent place. Oh, and don't simply aim at it, allowing it to stay on the floor around the designated place. It isn't horseshoes, you do not get points for getting your dirty underwear close to the hamper

2. When your House Monkey asks for your help, he/she means NOW! Not on the next commercial, not in a minute, or a sec, or in a bit. Think about all your House Monkey does in a day WITHOUT your help. If they are asking for it is because they REALLY need it!

3. Take your trash to the trashcan. See tip #1 - the same rules apply.

(image) 4. Rinse all bathroom surfaces you dirty. If you shave in the sink - rinse it, this includes the counter around the sink. Same goes for the bathtub. A simple rinse after your shower or bath can save your House Monkey time when he/she is cleaning the tub this week. If you pee (or for goodness sake's poo) on the toilet seat wipe it off. Would you want to touch someone else's pee and poo?? Help a Monkey out.

5. Rinse your dishes. How long does it really take to rinse the spaghetti sauce off your plate? Your House Monkey already cooked dinner and is going to have to wash the pots, pans, table, floor, counters, and (if applicable) the kiddos too. Give your House Monkey a break and take 30 seconds to rinse your dishes.

I bet if you take these 5 simple tips to heart, your House Monkey, and thus your family, would be much happier. Remember they are your House Monkey not your personal maid.

Funny Video


I found this via Bossy Betty. The video is amazing and fricking funny! Thanks Betty for sharing.

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Downward Spiral


I guess it is no secret now that I suffer from chronic depression. I am on 3 different anti-depressants and for a long time I was doing okay. Then something snapped. I started missing work and school to lay around the house all day. I dropped out of school thinking if I took some stress out of my life things would get back on track. I took a lighter load at work and decided to take care of me a bit. It didn't really help.

Now I am facing unemployment right before we pick up our lives in 87 days and move to a new town. I am scared, confused, and yes...depressed. I had to talk myself into coming to work today. Then when I got here all I wanted to do was run back home and get under the blankets.

I gave up most of my vices for "healthy alternatives". I stopped smoking, which got replaced with healthy food. (BTW I got fat!). I gave up drinking adult beverages for...wait food again. damn. I gave up going out on the town and flirting with boys that were not good for me for living with a wonderful man who loves me. Now I am addicted to food mmm french fries and taking 3 different antidepressants just to feel halfway normal. I have so forgotten what normal feels like.

Don't get me wrong internet, I am doing better than I was 2 years ago. I am not an almost-functioning alcoholic. I am not working a job I hate for shitty wages and getting bit by snakes on a daily basis (that is a another post). I feel secure in my relationship for the first time in a very long time. I have close friends that won't stab me in the back if I loose the grip on my crazy (unlike my former friends - total assholes). I have a really great life, and it could be soooo much worse.

I am really satisfied for the most part, I am not sure what is going on. I know that I am starting to spiral downward again and I want to stop it before it becomes out of control.

On the bright side - I actually am aware that I am starting the spiral instead of ending up in the bottom of a bottle of vodka and looking for someone to save me. I am trying to save myself. Score one for the House Monkey!

Stop Asking Me!!!


We are moving to College Station in 88 days. Boyfriend and I are very excited. I can't wait to get to where there are hills, and flowers, and trees, and a breeze. I love the fact that College Station is a small city - everything is within minutes instead of hours in traffic. It is small enough to be a small city, but not so small that everyone knows your business. I like that. I like it a lot.

I love the apartment we picked out. I am happy that Boyfriend gets his own space, and in turn I get my own space while he is in his cave (otherwise known as his office). I get a bigger kitchen and an extra bathroom. There is even a fitness center there! I can work-out! (Because we all know that the reason I am fat is because my apartment now doesn't have facilities to work out. Right?)

I am so psyched, I stay psyched - all the time. That is until someone pops the question, "So, what are YOU going to do in College Station?"I get flustered. Yes, Boyfriend is going into the Ph.D. program. I am so proud of him for getting accepted and moving forward with his education. I am ecstatic! However, I am going to support him. Why is that so wrong? Why do I have to DO something. Why can't I just be a house monkey? I am getting pretty good at it. I figured out how to play Sims 3 and get the laundry and dishes done. Plus I had dinner ready when Boyfriend got home from work. I say that is a pretty good house monkey.

But people expect me to do something more. To go back to school, I mean I will live minutes from Texas A&M, why wouldn't I want to go there. I can't just tell people I am crazy and I need the time off to screw my head on straight. I mean I don't know these people well enough to tell them that the stress of going to school is just too much for me right now and that is why I dropped out.

Mostly I just shrug and say I don't know what I am going to do until we get there and settled. Mostly that is the truth. Mostly. I want to be a house monkey - yet people turn their nose up at that.

See we don't have kids, don't plan on any - ever. We aren't going to get married, no plans of that - ever. So they ask, "Why do you need to stay home?" "What is there to take care of?" How about the house, Boyfriend, and let's not forget myself. Staying home makes me feel like I matter more. I get to take care of Boyfriend! I enjoy making his meals, making sure he has clean clothes to wear and a clean bathtub to bathe in.

It is a win/win situation for me. I get to take care of Boyfriend while taking care of myself. I have time to breath now. I can nap if I need to. If my depression gets to be too much I can stay home and not have to pretend that everything is okay. Why is that so wrong?

Do house monkeys need babies to stay home? Can't a crazy house monkey stay home so she doesn't throw proverbial poo at people?



I am taking one of those much needed "me" time breaks. I have cleaned the bathroom, put dinner in the slow cooker, done the laundry and the dishes. After all that I even managed to take a shower! I think I have fulfilled my house monkey duties for the day. So I decided to watch a movie on Netflix.

I scanned through my instant queue and found nothing. I just wasn't in the mood for drama or romantic comedies. I didn't want to watch a horror movie or a thriller. What is a girl to watch when she just isn't in the mood to watch anything?

I picked Julie and Julia. I have been wanting to see it ever since it came out. It is about a blogger that blogs her way through "Mastering The Art of French Cooking" by Julia Child. Have you seen it? If you haven't you HAVE to. I related to both characters immensely. Julie the blogger, who doubts herself and her abilities. Julia Child - well we all know Julia! I smiled the whole time I watched it. I can't tell you much about the movie - I don't want to spoil it for you. Trust me people, it is one of the best movies I have seen, ever.

I learned more about Julia Child and myself during the movie. I wish I could share without giving away the movie. I don't want to spoil it for those that haven't seen it!! If you have seen it email me, I would love to discuss it!

Time for Me


I have never been good at taking time for myself and not feeling guilty about it. I mean sure, there were times when the depression got so bad I had no choice but to lay in bed and hibernate while watching daytime talk shows. But that wasn't really "me" time. That was "I can't possibly do anything else but feel like a pathetic lump on the couch" time.

I have been trying to take better care of myself as of late. I am not sure I am doing it right. I am still stressed out at the prospect of not having a job over the summer, I am still stressed out that the house isn't Martha Stewart perfect, I am still stressed out about moving... I must be doing something wrong.

But if I stop to think about it...really think about it. I have gotten way more done lately than usual. I have been doing laundry, dishes, and floors. I cleaned out the closet and today I am bleaching down the bathroom (how does urine get on the wall in front of the toilet?) I have cooked dinner, and made jewelry. I even got my Wii fit out of the closet and used it 3 times now! I KNOW!

So maybe there is something to this taking some time out for yourself thing. I guess the lesson here is that life is stressful - no matter what. Taking time for yourself helps you gain the strength to face the stresses and not feel like that lump on the couch.

**This public service message has been brought to you as a reminder to take a few minutes for yourself!**

Moving Forward?


I found out a few days ago that due to budget cuts I might not be able to work at the college this summer. I have worked there for 5 years and absolutely love my job. I love the people here, I love the fact that I don't have a boss that breathes down my neck, I love what I do and how we do it...

More than the loss of income, I will actually mourn not having THIS job. It is great.

I knew that when we moved to College Station I would have to give up this job, I struggled with that decision for a few weeks. But now to have it ripped away from me before I am ready - well it is kinda like having a loved one die unexpectedly.

Now I am looking for a temp job until we move and nothing is going to measure up to working here. There is still a slim chance I won't have to move on until the end of the summer - but very slim. I need all the good vibes I can get!

Aggieland Reality


So we got the news this morning that our deposit check has cleared and we all set to move July 26th! I got excited all over again! I mean wait until you guys see this place. It isn't anything fancy, two story, 2 bed, 2 bath. Then reality starting sinking in. I mean moving to Aggieland means giving up this great place in Humble....

These are the things I will miss the most:

1). Only having one bathroom. I won't get to share the bathroom with my dear BF anymore. No longer will I have to fight the hair in the sink to brush my teeth, the hair encrusted hairbrush left lovingly on the counter, or the stench of other people's poop. *sigh*

2). Living on the other side of the fence from a sewage treatment plant. I mean no more opening my windows to allow the nice spring breeze in only to smell a whole city's worth of poop!!

3). Living in Continental's "on approach" to Bush-Intercontinental Airport. We are directly I mean DIRECTLY on their flight plan. CONSTANTLY! It is hard to hear each other some nights!

4). Living in "the ghetto". We don't live in the ghetto. I have lived in the ghetto. However there are always notes by the mailbox to give residents heads up about the current misfortunes of others. Car vandals, thieves, and let's not forget the Easter Bunny incident where someone actually killed a rabbit and nailed it to someone's door on Easter Morning.

5). And last but not least (and the BF agrees) is spending EVERY WAKING MOMENT with my BF. Right now we work together and live in a tiny one bedroom apartment. We are always up each other's ass and it is going to be nice when he has an office (where I can send him when he gets on my nerves) that he can have his space and I can have mine. We have even joked about putting a "No Girls Allowed" sign on his door!

But I think what I will miss the most about this place is the Hispanic maintenance man who comes in looks at the leaky toilet or the burner on the stove that won't lite and says "no missus it worky it worky" and leaves. What will I do without him?!?

All kidding aside I am totally psyched (yes I am a child of the 80's so what!) to be moving. I can't wait!