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Hateful, Party of One

Updated: 2017-10-25T03:07:46.953-07:00


marriage equality


I've been increasingly troubled since the California Supreme Court ruled to uphold Proposition 8 and continue the practice of subjegating gays and lesbians to second class status. Its more than just the setback to the gay rights movement, its the complete lack of logic to their thinking.

The court said that the voters made a clear indication on what they define marriage as and the court did not have the right to declare that invalid. However, in 2000 California voters passed Proposition 22 by a larger majority than they did Proposition 8. The court originally acted in their decision to allow marriage equality invalidated a clear vote of the populace and now claim that they cannot do it again.

The court allowed the marriages already completed to remain valid. It makes no sense to say that 18,000 marriages are valid, but no other ones are allowed, solely based on the date that it occured. Either marriage equality is a valid argument or not. Having some marriages and some aren't makes no legal sense and will only leave confusion in legal precedence.

The determination that marriage is not a right of the individual may be the scariest aspect of the whole thing. I'm not one of the people who think the federal government should pull out of the whole marriage business, but that marriage serves a purpose for the government to support. But the ability of the court to determine who can get married is way too much federal intervention (and I'm a socialist saying this!!!!). Easily, this gives precedent that interracial, interreligious, or international marriages can be declared null and void based on this court ruling.

networking at its finest


So my gumption with Gavin Newsome did do some good. I got a letter from him at work saying it was good to see me. True, I'm sure a staff member did it and then he signed it in a million thank you notes. But it arrived to me at work, which means my business card didn't end up in the trash. It ended up in Sacramento. I have since planned my eventual rise in power to Secretary of Education in a President Newsome administration. :)

Governor Gavin Newsome


I went to a fundraiser Thursday night for Gavin Newsome, the mayor of San Francisco who is running for Governor of California. So I got to shake his hand twice and I also gave him my business card and told him that I would love to come work education issues for him when he's elected. So we had a brief conversation on education issues. I think my gumption impressed him, so if he wins look for me to be in the CA higher ed system ;)

I would rather...


I've cut back immensely on my drinking lately. I still go out for a drink once in a while but i'm not overdoing it like i used to. I've been asked by a number of people why I've done that and my response is "I would rather be in shape and muscular than drunk."

Weight loss continues. About one month until gay days.

Biggest Loser: Luxury Day


A few weeks ago I had my proposal defense. I had decided long ago that i would reward myself with a tatoo. Now I'm running into the problem of scheduling it. For me to get it, I know that I would have to sacrifice a couple days at the gym and I just can't bring myself to do it.

On the biggest loser, every so often the prize of a challenge is a luxury day. A day of pampering, a good meal, relaxation. But anyone who has watched the show for at least a full season knows this is the worst prize. It takes the winners away from the gym and then they eat horribly, leaving the trainer to yell at them.

With the summer almost here, I feel as if I am in crunch time and can't take time off for a tatoo until I hit my goal weight. Maybe thats what I should reward myself with. But for now I can't get a tatoo and miss the gym for 3-5 days.

reflections on death


When my grandfather passed away in 2002, I cried. I didnt cry because death was a bad thing. I cried for fear that he thought my recent move out of Florida was to get away from him. It sounds rather trite, not to cry because I was upset about his passing. My prized possession to this day are two unvarnished bookcases that he built when I was younger for my sister and I. It feels wrong to varnish them. In truth, I thought he was going to die ten years earlier when he fell incredibly ill. That was the beginning of his health decline. I wasn't surprised when he passed away, but i worried that he thought I was trying to get away from him, which just wasn't the case.

When my great aunt passed away, I was proud of her and relieved. Her health had seriously declined over the past couple of years and she was living in a nursing home and the last time I saw her, she didn't seem to recognize me, but told my grandmother two days later that I had come to visit. This happened right around the time of Terri Schiavo and it resonated about the selection of a death with dignity. My great aunt decided she had had enough and said she wasn't going to eat anymore and fourteen days later she passed away, essentially starving herself. I took a little bit of pride that she lasted longer than Terry Schiavo, which means that my great aunt was stronger.

But in both cases, I feel I was prepared for their deaths. They were, after all, old. And old people die. That's the mentality. It sounds kind of harsh to write it, but its kind of true. I have had to deal with younger death before... and then there was Shaun, who didn't die, but will never be the same.

Since December, death has now affected me twice from a much younger perspective and has caused me to consider how truly random our mortality can be. First, a friend of mine was murdered shortly before Christmas. A very violent episode that broke my heart and left me an emotional mess for a couple of weeks. It wasn't that we were exceptionally close, but it was someone that I saw regularly. It struck me as horribly odd that I would no longer see him out and about. It also struck me the possibility that it could have been me. Even though I normally wouldn't have gone to that part of town nor been up that late, so many of my friends have been mugged that it could have easily been me in that situation. But the violent nature of it made me feel that a life was robbed. More than a non-violent death

And now, a friend from high school, died this past weekend... drowned in Africa. I think how random it was. Why him, why there, why now? It seemed that he had gotten his life together and that's when his life ended. I'm saddened by his death and it does make me think that I could have been dead by any number of means. He was younger than I was... and he really is the first person younger than me that I've known that has died.I feel more at peace over this death than the last one. Maybe its because it seemed more natural than being murdered. Maybe its because I haven't really seen him since we were in high school together and that type of distance can lower the emotional impact.

But as tragedy hits, these are the thoughts I've had.

Work Update


So this Friday will be my 5 month anniversary on the new job. Its definitely going better than it was at the beginning. There are some smaller projects keeping me busy, but nothing that busy. I've integrated nicely to the people in my office and they seem to enjoy me. However, as I finish with my doctorate, I'm not sure this is what I want to do with the rest of my life. So I still find myself looking at jobs and completely unsure of what to do when I finish my degree.


School Update


So I have had a lot going on lately. So I will take a couple days to update. Todays update school. I've made a ton of progress lately. The biggest is about two weeks ago, I had my proposal defense. For those unfamiliar with the dissertation process, the proposal defense is the harder of the two defenses a student goes through. The proposal is the first three chapters of the dissertation, which sets up the purpose, need, and way an individual will conduct their study. I expected that the committee would give me some revisions that they needed to be done before signing off on the form for me to move forward, but they didn't. I passed with flying colors :) They did have revisions but nothing needed before the final defense. So I am able to move on with my process.

The next step is going through IRB approval, which is the point where the school examines the study and ensures that proper protections are included to protect the safety and anonymity of the participants in the study. It took me about a week and a half to fill out the paperwork. It got sent to the IRB office and then I find out Friday afternoon that I do not need IRB approval since I am not having any interaction with individuals. That would've been nice to know two weeks ago. Now I'm waiting for the dean to give me permission to move ahead.

Unfortunately I have a really tight deadline. For me to get my data this month, I need to send my proposal request to UCLA no later than Wednesday. So I need to hear back from her by that point or I have to wait until May, which would not make me happy at all :(. Keep your fingers crossed for that.

In other news, I had applied for another grant (making two in total) to cover dissertation expenses. I was turned down, which upset me a bit. I feel like I'd be great in the faculty route, but every thing i try which would prepare me for that route seems to not go my way. Grants not going my way. I still haven't heard about publications I submitted etc etc. In the grand scheme of things, the data shouldn't be that expensive, but its difficult enough to break into teaching as it is.

So all in all frustrations are there, but I am making steady progress. Dr. Filter here I come.

Already March


Where does the time go? Its already March. Things are still going well. On Friday I turned in my dissertation proposal, which is a great step forward. I have my proposal defense scheduled for March 19th. It will be good to move forward with my dissertation and get to the next step.
Also, I may very well have my bills paid off next month. I think I can wing it to get all the credit cards paid off, which will be exciting. How will I spend my earnings without the bills to be owed.

This month should be exciting as I have a trip to Arizona.

I also got an email from speed dater saying he wanted to just be friends. Its fine. He's a nice enough guy and handled it well so I'm more than willing to be his friends. I do somewhat wonder if that will happen. Its not that I don't want to be his friend, but I always feel that in those situations people have a harder time to actually have a friendship rather than just be friendly in passing. So we shall see.

another great weekend


In continuing with how great the year has been, this weekend was another good weekend for me despite an allergy flare up today. Friday, I did another yoga class that left me sore the next day. I'm continuously amazed at how yoga can be challenging and a good workout.

Saturday I went out to visit friends who I haven't seen forever and apparently I was the boy to pursue. There were three separate guys who were heavily into me at the different bars I was at that night. Its nice to be pursued. :)

I had a date with the speed dater today. It was a good date. We seemed to get along well and had a great conversation. He was funny and liked to laugh. He even said he'd like to hang out again. So hopefully it will happen again. :)

I also discovered a fantastic new yogurt flavor: Lemon Burst!

weekend plans


Someone has a date this weekend. Woo Hoo!

29 years young


So I am now 29 years old. And its turning out so far to be a really great year.

I did dinner and drinks with some friends on Monday evening, which was my actual birthday. I had a great time and it was just nice to be around people that I cared about. Friday was the official party. A friend of mine decided to throw me an early "surprise" party. He seemed to forget that I'm the only gay in town that is on time. I even showed up like 3 or 4 minutes early. I knocked on his window so he would come and get me then noticed a sign on his door (there is a glass door in between his door and the outside so I couldn't knock on his door). The sign said "Scott's Suaree" Then I saw the main door was propped open, so I walked in and knocked on the main door and walked in and they were all surprised that I had walked in when I did. But we had a great time. We went to Nellie's ( a gay sports bar) and I ended up closing the place down. Needless to say I slept pretty much the entire next day.

The following day, Saturday, I went to Jewish Speed Dating. I did enjoy myself, but the experience was an interesting reflection on our experience being influenced by how an event ends rather than the entirety of the event. Most of the guys I had a "speed date" with were quite bad at conversation. Whether they were disinterested in the whole experience, or me in particular I don't know. But the conversations should go like this. I ask a question. You answer it and follow it with a question of your own. I then do the same. The amount of awkward silence shouldn't have happened. It wasn't that serious of an event. But the last guy I had a date with I found to be very enjoyable. Instead of discussing the traditional topics (career, length of time in DC, etc) we talked about reality tv programming and the muppets. He was funny and I appreciated his ease of conversation. I told him that he was a great way to end the evening. For those of you who don't know how it works, at the end of the night you circle which of your dates you were interested in seeing again and if they do the same then your contact info is sent to the other person. If only one of you puts something neither of you are notified. So it seems as if he put me down as I got an email yesterday when I woke up giving me his contact info. I emailed him last night at midnight (when I had a second to do so). Now I'm waiting for a response ;)

Also (to continue to show my good fortune so far) I won passes to go see an early show of He's Just Not That Into You. Can't wait!!!!

In other news. School is going well. I finally have commitments from a methodologist and after much harassment, got feedback. I'm moving forward on setting a date for my proposal defense (the week of March 15th).

The gym is also going well. Despite my birthday binging, I feel some changes in myself through the gym. I've picked up a boxing class and yoga as well as increasing my cardio by 200 calories a day. I will be buff by the end of the year.

I guess that's all that's going on with me.


Two great things in one day


So two great things happened today.

One when I was putting on my belt this morning, I was able to go to the next hole without any trouble or tightness at all :) That means I'm getting thinner.

Second, I was in this training and had a snack to which the girl next to me said how can you eat that. I was like what? She replied that if she ate it she would be fat, but I could eat it and was so skinny. She's totally my new best friend.

2009- off to a good start


So things are going incredibly well for me so far this year. An update on my goals.
1. This month I begin payments on my final and largest credit card.
2. Still making good progress on my dissertation. I signed up for a million appointments with my adviser over the next two weeks so that we could start going over drafts of my dissertation. I am definitely working hard to do my proposal defense at the end of February.
3. I am still going strong at the gym. It looks like I am going to start taking a class on boxing on Thursdays. Plus the MOnday class I was at last week I feel as if I have to go back or it looks like I quit. I was also looking at a yoga class.
4. I ran into Howie, who many may remember from reading this blog. He was the waiter that led me on for the longest time only to tell me that he had a boyfriend. I haven't seen him in forever. But I ran into him last Saturday. And normally I would've tried to stop and flirt forever. Instead i said hi and kept walking. It felt good.

To add to all that a few other items of note. I've already had my first date of 2009. I met some guy off of online and we got pizza in Virginia last night. Not an incredible spark, but a date is a date. I have two or three others biting right now, so we'll see if any of them develop.

Also, I got a strange call right before new years from a guy who i thought was trying to recruit me for a job. So I had a lunch with a few people from the office who i have met most of them before. WE had a long conversation and talked about my academic background, research, living in Florida, what i plan to do after school, networking, current issues, and more. However, at no point did they mention a position, so I'm not sure it was a recruitment thing after all. But i have no idea what the purpose was for, so I am hoping at some point this develops so that I know whats going on and what to say about the meeting.

New Years Resolution


With New Years coming up this week, I've decided that 2009 will be the year of goal completion, which should be accomplished with these four resolutions.

1. Pay off my credit cards.
2. Be a doctor by the time I'm 30 (which means having sat for my dissertation defense)
3. Reach my goal weight
4. Hang out more with people that make me happy. Hang out less with people that don't.

its the holidays


So its the winter holidays. I am actually very glad that the year is almost over. 2008 was a bit of a rough year and I am glad to see it end. 2009 I expect will be an incredible year. A lot has happened over the last two weeks.

Work is getting better. THey finally have me in the system i need at work to do my stuff, so I feel like I have a little bit of a purpose. The people I work with have started growing on me as well. I'm not sure if this will be a long term job or a short term job yet, but we shall see.

I started going to a personal trainer at the gym. I'm dedicated to dropping the remainder of the weight that I want to before I am thirty. So i signed up for personal training I have been twice now and he has kicked my arse. On Tuesday we did a lot of squats and lunges. My legs hurt like there is no tomorrow right now. Thank god the gym is not open today and i can take a day off.

In really horrible news, which most of my readers probably know from my facebook status updates. Last week, a friend of mine was murdered on his walk home from work (at 3 am) in DC. It broke my heart and I am still upset about it. I'm closer with the guys brother so I am sure that impacts me at all. It definitely took me out of commission for a while as I was in shock over it. So keep that in your prayers, if you pray that is.

I hope you all have a great Christmas, Chanukah, and Kwanzaa.

month anniversary


TOday was my one month anniversary on the new job. Its going well. It has been a slow month because it is a downtime in the office, but I've gotten tons of school work done because of it. Its interesting, more than the work aspect of it all, trying to join a new work culture. The culture around this office is soooo drastically different than the other office. This office is so incredibly friendly. Not to say that there weren't nice people at my last job, but these people go so far out of their way to be friendly. Every time they walk by they say hello; every day I have a full on conversation with each of my team mates. I'm just not used to that level of interest and friendliness with my coworkers.Also, this office is so holiday centric. They do Christmas cards and parties (like I've had three so far). People decorate their cubicles. Definitely not what I'm used to. But I'm excited to see the old me come back in all this, the outgoing happy me.

A number of people have said they can see the difference in me and I'm thrilled by that.

things are going well


So work is still going well. Its still a bit too slow for my liking. I haven't figured out if that is just the life of a federal employee, or if its because I'm new. I think over the next couple weeks additional things will happen to make sure I'm not bored. I haven't decided if the federal life will keep me happy for the rest of my life, so there is a strong possibility I will go into teaching once I finish my degree.

I've been able to make tons and tons of progress with my dissertation. The problem is with every step forward, I feel as if there is another mile to go. It never quite ends. But Rome wasn't built in a day, a dissertation isnt written in a sitting.

In good news, I found out that I will have the ability to do my data analysis from the comfort of my own computer. I had been told that I would have to go to Los Angeles for it. Which while i loved the possibility of a long trip to LA, it would have been way too expensive. I emailed them today and they gave me good news that they can send me the information I need. :) Woo Hoo. I may still go out there for a research workshop in August, but we will see about that.

Happy Thanksgiving


I just want to wish everyone a happy thanksgiving! I hope that you all have tons to be thankful for. Some of the things that I have to be thankful for:

Family- Its nice to have a family get closer year after year, when this was not the case growing up.

Friends- The family I get to choose. I have some of the greatest friends in the world and I appreciate them more than anything.

School progress- It has been a slow process, but I am finally feeling like I am making progress and I can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Work- It took forever and was a long and stressful process, but I have a new job, which has done so much to put me back on a position emotional level.

Have a great holiday full of triptophan :)

Really? Its time to move on


To whoever keeps trying to leave nasty comments... let's get real here. I write my blog to keep in touch with my family and friends across the country. I don't advertise my blog. I don't try to get readers. I just like it as a way to keep in touch with people and get my thoughts down.

I'm sorry that you don't like me. If its Larry, I have two reasons you dislike me (either that i wouldn't sleep with you or that you think i'm trying to sleep with your ex). If its Beth, I assume its all the stuff Larry made up about me over the years. If its Sandy, I don't really care that you don't like me.

But you keep talking about how horrible I am of a person. How immature I am. How bitter I am. But you keep posting stuff on my blog after I've left employment there. I've moved on and hope you can as well.

Best wishes and feel free to keep reading if you want. But I'm only going to delete your comments from now on.

things are looking up


I've been at my new job for a full week now. Everyone seems very nice and friendly. People seem content. I got an email today welcoming me aboard from one of the women I originally interviewed with months ago. And she said the nicest thing that would never have been considered to be said at the old employer. She said that they were lucky to have me. What a nice sentiment to hear!

My cubicle faces a window so I have a very nice view which I love!!!! However, the bathroom is really small and has a light that flickers so I find it to be creepy. But I am very happy to be there.

Although to some extent, I'm not sure how to work in a professional office. My supervisor communicates mainly through email and i'm used to that meaning that my boss is angry at me and not talking to me, but not here. Also, there's a really sweet woman about to retire who i call miss maxine. I'm taking over some of her territories to oversee and she calls me her new boyfriend, so of course i love her to pieces.

I even have some light developments on the boy-front in that I've had a good weekend with the boys. I went out to the bars on Friday and Saturday and both times had guys (cute guys) interested in me right away and chatting away all night. There was even making out. On Sunday,I had a date at 9am. We will see if there is a second one. The conversation was decent and he was cute, but when we left I wasn't quite sure if he would be contacting me again. I'll give it a day or two and maybe email him.

welcome to my former coworkers


So in one of my previous posts, I wrote about this see you next tuesday that I worked with and how she crossed me and I turned around on her during my last week there. Well, I've gotten three nasty comments from anonymous on here because of it. I never get three comments on anything I ever write. So my assumption is the one guy who I know reads my blog (because he's commonly spread rumors about me) spread it around. So to at least him and to the person who that blog post was about, I'd like to say welcome to my readership. And if there are multiple people, I'm thrilled to have you all as readers :)

going away


Last Friday was my last day at GW and they threw me the saddest most pathetic going away party I have ever seen. At first, they weren't going to have a going away party for me. After 6 years!!!! Nothing at all. Then on my last day, I find out that the director and two associate directors are throwing a halloween party for the students they mentor at the university. I was furious that I was getting nothing after 6 years but these students got a party after 3 months. At 3, one of the Associate Directors wanted me to come over per the request of the Director. I show up and she said suprise... apparently I have a party after all. What happened, however, was no students showed up to that party, so I got the leftovers from that party. But no one came to my party. It was me and the particular Associate Director who threw the party talking for half an hour. The director didn't even say good bye. Well, all I have to say is good riddance to bad offices.

I will finish it if you're going to start it.


At work today, I had my first bitchy moment since putting in my notice. There is this woman we call Wilson (as in Wilson leather). She tans so much her skin is cracked and brown like some old leather from Wilsons. Two months or so ago, she complained to the powers that be that people were eating at their desks which began the reign of terror that is working at GW.

Walking by her office today, she had her lights turned out and was eating a huge lunch. I'm not sure why she had her lights off. THe properties of light and transparent windows would mean that for people to still not see her, the lights on both sides of the window should be turned off.

So I walked by the director of the center and asked if the rules had changed and whether or not we were allowed to eat at our desk. She said that was still the rule and asked if there was something that she needs to deal with. So i slyly said "no, i'm sure its nothing. I just walked by someone eating at their desk, but I'm sure its nothing, but just that Sandy was eating at her desk, but I'm sure its not worth anything." THen she said she would talk with Sandy aka Wilson about it.

Take that Wilson

changing with the weather


So I'm at the home stretch of the job. I've handled this very well. I have not blown up at people or had it out with people who probably deserve it. But leaving has made me realize its not that important in the grand scheme of things. I can also tell the change in myself as well. I have less stress. I'm getting back into the swing of things at the gym and with the diet. I have to lose the weight I put on this year!!! That is a must. I've even made attempts at ending my dry romantic spell.

I had a date with a guy I met online on Tuesday before the High Heel Race. He was an asian optometrist who plays tennis. It was a great conversation. Few lulls in the conversation. The spark wasn't necessarily there, but I'm not sure I buy that you need a spark early into a dating world. But I don't think there will be a second date. I definitely am still all about having three dates before making a decision on a guy (unless its so bad you can tell right away). I did email him the next day and told him i enjoyed meeting him and we should hang out again. No response. Oh well, I'm not really upset about it. I can at least say I had a date recently and that's better than nothing.

Last night at the bar after trivia an attractive Clark Kent (which is going to be his halloween costume) sat next to me. I thought he was friends with the bartender, who I'm friends with (not just a patron of). So I started up a conversation. Apparently he wasnt really friends with the bartender, but we had a great conversation, which at times became more than just fluff that people who dont know each other talked about. The problem is... he's in a relationship. From the conversation, I believe it is on the way out. I just don't know if that will be next week, or three months from now. The other problem is the rebound thing as well, but I've been single for too long to turn someone down for that. At the end of the night I gave him my phone and told him to call me or look me up on facebook. I hope he does and think he might. He also kept kissing me goodbye. not on the lips or anything, but we hugged goodnight and he kissed me on the cheek, then a moment later he kissed my head, then kissed me on the cheek a couple more times. It was clear that he wanted a lips kiss, but that would've been inappropriate with him having a boyfriend and all. Hopefully we can be friends if nothing else.