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Preview: The Lithium Teapot

The Lithium Teapot

Mrs Gordon and all her friends

Updated: 2014-10-03T07:19:40.258+00:00


Wise Children by Angela Carter for 26 Books - and resolutions VS wishes


I didn't make resolutions for 2010 - I made wishes instead, mostly along the lines of "Nobody dies", "Nobody loses their jobs", "Everybody has a nice time", "I find the perfect Gin Fizz" - and so of course 2010 is the year where I, for the first time ever, manage to give up alcohol for more than three weeks without panicking.While I'm getting to grips with the joys of freelance writing and the

Couples Retreat, so does the redhead


[This was a piece I wrote for the Guardian back in October that got spiked. Given Exam's out now with its representative cast (and not a ginge in sight), up it goes here.]Having red hair at my school in the ‘90s was a crime on a par with chronic B.O. Contemporary icons for gingers like me were seriously thin on the ground: Geri Halliwell (eurgh), Nicole Kidman (too distant) and a fairytale

Tom Wrigglesworth review, Soho Theatre, for The Arts Desk


[My first review for The Arts Desk, concerning the excellent 'kindly twig' himself, Tom Wrigglesworth.]Firstly, no, Tom Wrigglesworth's Open Return Letter to Richard Branson isn’t that letter. His epistle is not to be confused with Oliver Beale’s, whose email to the Virgin boss complaining about the food on a Virgin flight went viral last year. The Sheffield-born comic, currently appearing at the

Live radio theatre? The perfect night out and in - The Guardian


[, Television&Radio, 14 October 2009]Radio theatre lets your imagination run wild, but seeing a live radio play recording makes the form doubly entertaining Liberating … radio drama. Photograph: Corbis. Until recently, if someone told me I had a face for radio, I would

We need a Royal Court for musicals, The Guardian


[, Stage, 21 September 2009] With the West End unwilling to gamble on untried productions, New Musicals Network is a lifeline for developing musicals Leading the field ... Can we develop more musicals of the quality of Che Walker's Been So Long?

Christmas in the countryside


Everyone has Edwardian preconceptions of what a nice Christmas in the country is like and, despite having lived there for nearly 16 years, I'm exactly the same. The news, therefore, that a massive cocaine cartel had been caught up in the woods out by the front of the village was so exciting I went into a spasm of Clarrie Grundy handflapping. The white car we'd seen parked by the bridle path for

"Hilarity ensues, with songs"


For reasons that should be very clear to anyone who has even seen a Julia Stiles film, I should like sarcastic-and-wonderful Julia Stiles to play me in the film of my life. I'm not entirely sure how this film would go, since I have reached the age of 25 without a) developing drug problems b) falling in love with inappropriate boxers c) earning the stalkeringtitude of millions. An Empire workie

Totally totally actually the best email ever!


Dear Actor, Thank you for applying to The 24 Hour Plays: Old Vic New Voices. Congratulations! – this e-mail is to invite you to the first round of auditions. Your audition slot is:[etc etc]



Last night I spent a great deal of time on my bedroom floor. Not having got around to hoovering it for a good three weeks, it's not the most pleasant place to be. I can think of Western towns that have fewer dustbunnies than my fake-wood floor, but regardless.I was looking through boxes trying to find old copies of Artslinks in order to grab the reviews of me to add to my application for the Old

James Blunt - Triangle


While James Blunt's music is enough to make me want to stab my ears with forks, I will maintain forever that the man is one of the funniest interviewees ever. If someone could put together an album of interviews James Blunt has done, I would be very pleased, and possibly cackle.As pointed in our direction by Popbitch this afternoon, he's topped any previous record of genius with this ode to furry

I am a Times prize-winning photographer!


I won the Community project category in The Times' Cameraphone Photographer of the Year competition! Amazing. I was having a large and unnecessarily indulgent coffee and cake with my old flatmate Ian when this nice chap rings up and says I've won something with a picture I took of Mile End's puny anti-flooding efforts during the July monsoon season. I laughed at him for about three minutes. As

A Call Girl Responds


Staggering in to the flat after three hours of Patrick Stewart being old and hysterical in Macbeth, I grabbed the remnants of some Diet Coke and collapsed onto the sofa for the first episode of Secret Diary of a Call Girl, or Billie Piper's Agent Provocateur ad as it should probably be known - infinitely less annoying than that mealy-mouthed tabland Kate Moss. Even though it was barely half an

Amazon children


The BBC have reported on findings that having an older sibling can stunt your growth. My 6'7 younger brother would beg to differ.

How not to quit your job


I handed in my notice today. I’ve never had to hand in my “notice” before. Notice of what, exactly? Intentions of an infidelious nature towards another place of employment? For fuck’s sake. I’ve always been freelance, on a short-term contract, or made redundant by a slowly atrophying magazine company so the responsibility of handing in one’s notice is an alien one.Despite having a job with about

Kingdom of Loathing and 'feely kits', Technobile, The Guardian


Do roleplaying games have to be enhanced by offers of jewellery made from chainmail and 'feelie kits'?[Kat Brown, The Guardian, Technology section, 23 August, 2007]Is there a single computer game left untouched by the fetishised psychosis of people who still live with their parents? If so, for crying out loud, give it my number.When I hung up my roleplaying game (RPG) cap I thought I'd said

Four stars in Three Weeks!


WIT: **** Underbelly, 1.15pmWit: A sharp sounding word with connotations of humour and sanity, neatly reflects the qualities of this play's heroine, Vivian Bearing, a fiercely independent academic facing ovarian cancer. Not one to be anticipated by an obvsious narrative device she deadpans to her audience, "It is not my intention to give away the plot...but I think I die, at the end". Like the

Warning: may contain pretentious ramblings


About an hour before the show, I hid in the Jelly Belly bar clutching a vodka and diet coke, my script and trying to assume the expression of one who knows she looks like a wannabe four-year-old in that hat but that’s actually happening to someone else. The vodka helped, if not steady my nerves – vodka? Really? – then reassure me that at least we didn’t have press coming in like our sister show,

Bricking it like a house of bricks


I am sitting in the Fringe press office in the denim hat I got in the same skewed sales logic of “but it’s 70% off!” that got me a pair of cripplingly small silk shoes, and a bald wig. Wearing the bald wig has turned the cute hat into a Children’s Ward cliché. On the machine next to me here’s an elderly monk with Ming The Merciless eyebrows and a katana case strapped to his back. Nobody bats an

Wit at Edinburgh - "taking the night bus didn't kill me" shocker


It’s a theatrical tradition that, for a show to go right, everything has to go wrong beforehand. I’ve always rather suspected this to be lies made up by companies blessed with more enthusiasm than skill, but given the endless stream of you’ve-gotta-laugh-or-you’ll-cry-and-never-get-up-again incidents that happened yesterday, I’m inclined to change my opinion.From Monday we’re performing at Delhi

Bad day for baby whales


Whales: stop coming to Britain. Maybe that fake great white could come up from Cornwall and scare him out.

Things that are good and things that are not


- The Bourne UltimatumDespite the fact I find myself physically incapable of calling it anything other than the Bourne Ultomato, it was anything but thoroughly stupid. Moving from one beautifully choregraphed and outlandishly plotted chase after another, the action was so snapped down it felt like Matt Damon had been taking dance lessons. The Guardian must be in absolute bits as well - Paddy

Flight of the Conchords - 'Jenny'


I've been thinking about Edinburgh a lot recently. Partly because it's pretty, partly because I'm going there quite soon and haven't thought enough about it probably.Last time I was there I discovered the lovely Flight of the Conchords, a duo called Bret and Jermaine. Bret was an elf in Lord of the Rings. Jermaine is in the rather wonderful-looking 'Eagle VS Shark' which is coming out soon.

My idol, my fallen queen


As one of my chief idols and role models, it saddens me greatly that Paris Hilton has lost her inheritance. I mean, is she going to have to get a job now she won't have that $60 million to sit back on?The man who cut her off is her grandpa, the only one who actually does something in the Hilton clan. He's nearly 80 and is probably jealous of how serene Paris always looks. While the sex tape was

...and how to go "aaaaaah" properly


Waiting for Potter. WTH A DOG.

Ruin Harry Potter for the slow ones


Read the new Harry Potter yet? Well done. Now buy one of these t-shirts and punish the silly bastards who "don't really see what all the fuss is about" and are "taking their time" reading it. No. It doesn't work like that at all. Bwah ha ha ha ha ha!