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FAGAT Guide



"It's pronounced Fuh-GATS." -Karen Walker



Updated: 2016-03-06T08:24:56.895-05:00

 






Djimon Beats Beckham in a Head-to-Head Matchup

2008-11-12T21:03:18.863-05:00

(image) Has anyone ever noticed how explicit the Djimon Hounsou Calvin Klein ads are? You can practically see the veins in his giant black cock (and you can DEFINITELY see that he is circumsized). We almost found it to be a relief to see on Towleroad that the David Beckham Armani underwear ads had the "generic bugle" look going on. Sure, it probably means there's a sock in there along with the Beckham junk, but it's better than imagining what ends up inside Kimora Lee Simmons on a regular basis.(image)



Why You Are Gay: The 'Mr. Owl' Tootsie Roll Pop Commercial

2007-12-04T16:45:46.588-05:00

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We know it's been a while since we did one of our Why You Are Gay posts, so we hope you'll bear with us. We were just thinking about that old Tootsie Roll Pop commercial, where a naked boy wanders around asking animals about how to lick a pop. We didn't realize it then, but looking back, it's no wonder we don't know how to give head to someone with a foreskin. ("Get rid of that wrapper, let me just attack that sweet stuff underneath!" (Sorry, British ex-boyfriend)). Click above to watch the commercial. First you've got the turtle with the penis head bobbing up and down, then you've got the owl with the testicle eyes. And finally, you are faced with just a row of slowly melting lollipops, which get more and more cock-like as the ad ends. Oh, yeah, and like we said, the boy in the ad IS NAKED. Genius target advertising for a young demographic with an oral fixation? Or fag propaganda? You decide.

(Also: Any time anyone ever uses teeth on your own little blow pop, now you know who to blame.)



FYI

2008-11-12T21:03:19.073-05:00

(image) Yes, it really has been that long.

And yes, the rooster does have a badonkadonk.



America's Most Cholesterolest Model

2008-11-12T21:03:19.318-05:00

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Ok, so Daniel may have been kicked off "America's Most Smartest Model." But he is having success in commercial campaigns! Witness this appearance in People Magazine... In a, um, Hellman's Mayonnaise ad. Go… Daniel.

Earlier: Top Model + Jeopardy =Truly Awe-Inspiring Television



Investigating The Watered Down Version of Ourselves

2008-11-12T21:03:19.472-05:00

(image) A question to readers: Does anyone know who writes the blog "Guest of a Guest"? We were hesitant to ask, because we know the blog is desperately trying to gain notoriety and they are DYING for people to try and figure out who they are. But it is on our RSS feed and we can't help but notice that a) the authors rip off posts from other blogs and make them seem as though they are original, and b) we probably know them. They were gay enough (and Gawker-obsessed enough) to interview Kristian Laliberte and not make fun of him. They weirdly name-dropped unknown actress Francesca Cecil (our college classmate) twice. They get invited to the same small parties we do. They're obsessed with/maybe work at New York Magazine. They encourage people to go to the Head of the Charles and Princeton Lawn Parties. We're completely curious in spite of ourselves. Anyway, email us at fagats @ gmail.com if you know. We're bored at the end of the day and we now work in an open office so we safely spend the last hour of work clicking through The Pretty Boys Club.



For The Last Time, Stop Trusting Gay Hookers

2008-11-12T21:03:19.650-05:00

(image) Okay, so we've been watching this whole Big Head DC/Trent Lott/Gay Hooker thing unfold, and it's really making us ill. We have no idea who Big Head DC is, but they clearly don't know a thing about gay hookers. Having had to interview a few for work (really), we can tell you that a) ones who have secrets, keep them, and b) ones who don't have secrets will do anything to appear like they do. If you read the correspondence between Big Head and alleged Lott-humper Benjamin Nicholas, Nicholas is clearly playing coy with Big Head. Big Head just falls for it, and what's more, publishes correspondence that he told Nicholas was off the record. Basically, everybody looks stupid and the whole thing is completely boring and predictable. Why have we written two posts about it? Because it was either that or running naked pictures of that hot gay from Project Runway, and we figured you'd like to hear us rant about some boring political non-story than check out a reality star's junk. Right?



There's A Word for This, and It's Not "Hypocrisy"...

2008-11-12T21:03:19.840-05:00

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...it's "Ugh." Trent Lott has been accused of using a young gay prostitute in the District. Is anyone else really really tired of this kind of story? It's like that gross "I pooped on Larry Craig's Penis" story. Whether or not it's true, it doesn't do anybody any good, especially if Lott is retiring. Have we become old and crusty that we think that? It's just, if someone's going to be outed as gay, can't it be someone we like? And we can look up to? And who is the appropriate age to be in the closet? And doesn't hate himself? And for the love of god, can't we finally get someone who is hot??



The French Connection: FHC and FrenchBenj in NYC

2008-11-12T21:03:20.124-05:00

(image) Longtime Fagats readers will appreciate the crossover we are about to experience this weekend. Our blog BFF FHC will be in town this weekend to visit, arriving on Thursday night. Also in town will be our blog friend-with-benefits, FrenchBenj. Though(image) the two hail from the same country and have traded barbs online for years now, they have never met in person. And yet, it just might be the case that they will be in the same place at the same time this week. Which raises the obvious questions: Where should this meeting take place (it's Thursday night, so Pop Rocks? Vlada? The corner of Avenue A and 13th Street?)? Who should be present (LL? TAHF? Bigmouth?)? How drunk should everybody be (a little? A lot? French?)? What should we wear?

And most importantly, where should we plan the afterparty?



Bill O'Reilly Thinks Gay Couples Can't Be "Cute"

2007-11-13T18:25:08.540-05:00

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We have to say, we normally find it very frustrating to watch guests on "The O'Reilly Factor" talk about gay issues because advocates so easily get flustered and angry, and O'Reilly has a way of preventing them from getting decent points across. But in the above clip, a Northwestern psychologist does very well against O'Reilly, pointing out when he tries to dress his subtle bigotry up as "common sense." We're pretty sure if we went on the show, it would turn into an episode of "Jerry Springer" in a hot second.

Thanks to Andy for the clip.



Casual Gayness Hits the Times

2008-11-12T21:03:20.587-05:00

(image) Did anybody notice, buried within a story about teeth-grinding (which we are embarrassed to say we were profoundly interested by), this section?
During sleep bruxism, [a doctor] explained, the upper and lower teeth may come into direct contact as much as 40 minutes per hour, and — for example, on the first molar — with a force of about 250 pounds. Hence the football player. Compare that with normal circumstances, when a person’s teeth make contact for about 20 minutes a day, while chewing, and with only 20 to 40 pounds of pressure. Even if I wanted a football player in my bed, I certainly wouldn’t want him standing on my teeth. I became aware of his presence the way that many bruxers do. My then-boyfriend told me I woke him up with a dreadful crunching noise that came from grinding.
Emphasis added. The article is titled "A Lineman in My Bed."

Um… Since when is the Times so casual about its writers being so faggy? It's great! Like, the gayness of the author is an unquestioned premise of the story – like how the gay characters on Desperate Housewives don't have any plotlines related to their sexuality; they're just as normal and demented as everyone else on the show. Now that's what we call progress.


And an excuse to post a picture of a sweaty football player's belly.




Separated at Birth: Lance Bass and Patrick McDonald?

2008-11-12T21:03:20.828-05:00

(image) (image) Behold, the fashion party fixture, and Lance Bass, morphing into one another. This is Lance from the cover of this week's HX Magazine.






Our Goddamn Gay Roommates Are Always Asking Us To Write a Post About Them, So Here Goes.

2008-11-12T21:03:21.179-05:00

So, as you may or may not have heard, Bigmouth has two gay roommates these days. Gone are the days when a heterosexual couple ruled our roost. In their place have arrived two different flavors of fags. One is a burly marathon runner who loves to cook experimental meals. The other is a spritely (ok, Jewy) law student who supplies a lot of witty (ok, cruel) banter around the apartment. We must say, though we miss our previous roommates desperately (especially Fishwatch!), they are truly a delightful pair of people to live with. Except, we've found that everything that's great about them comes with a caveat. Hence, a list: 1) They are both far better dressed than we are... Except they both have short arms and we don't fit into their clothes. 2) They don't have long, feminine locks that get caught on everything, including our clothes… Instead they have short body hair that they are constantly trimming that gets caught in everything, especially drains. 3) They are not nasty about the apartment getting messy… They're just nasty AND messy. 4) They always want to go out and drink…. Yeah, um, blessing and curse. 5) They always have delicious, unhealthy food around the house, yet both remain quite trim… While we do not. 6) They're both huge whores… See #4. 7) They're very chipper and chatty in the mornings… See #4. 8) They are handsome and always on the prowl… So nobody every looks at us in bars any more. 9) They feel comfortable borrowing any and all of our products…. And porn. 10) Other friends now constantly ask us about a cute guys we know on Facebook… which means we will invariably have to deal with other said friends in our bathroom in the morning in the near future. 11) They loll around in their underwear on the furniture all the time… Yeah, and then one day we got scabies from our couch. See #6. Overall, it's much more of a boon than a burden to live with two cute fags. But, you know, let the buyer beware. Gays are much louder during sex than straights, as it turns out. And it's unlikely your straight guy roommate will ever get up in the morning, hungover, and ask you, "Did I give you a blowjob last night? I have rugburn on my knees."*Please, don't worry, that's not us in the picture.[...]



A Subtle Fagats Nod in Today's Gawker

2007-11-06T17:30:14.766-05:00

Well, well, well. We KNEW Gawker read our little blog here. In today's rendition of the blog there's a post about "Super Mario Brothers: The Lost Levels," that includes the following quote by editor Alex Pareene:

That's the game that was the "real" sequel to the classic Super Mario Brothers that was never released in the US because it was sadistically difficult and instead we got the weird bullshit American Mario 2 where everyone knew to play as Princess Toadstool even though it was def kinda gay.
Pareene, we know you're not an asscheek motorboater, but have you been reading the Fagat Guide's "Why You Are Gay" posts?




The Ugly Side (and Back, and Balls) Of Gay Drug Abuse

2008-11-12T21:03:21.384-05:00

(image) Um. This is the best blog post ever, passed on to us from our Tall and Handsome Friend. We were just thinking the other day, as we walked past all the weird old men in drag who sometimes hang out at Boysroom during the week, that sometimes New York is the most busted city in the world. But clearly, it has NOTHING on DC. If you think the pic on the left is funny/mysterious, you have to read the rest of the post. There is, as they say, a lot of crack in it, so it's NSFW. Except in the way that will make you forward it on to all of your co-workers immediately.


Crack is Whack [Knee Deep in Mud]



Fred Phelps Loses, Also Wins

2008-11-12T21:03:21.644-05:00

(image) So the father of a dead soldier won nearly $11 million from hatemonger Fred Phelps and his family, after they protested around the funeral of his son. The Phelps family has lately taken to doing such things, as they think the Iraq war is somehow a punishment for American tolerance of homosexuality. We were delighted with the news (we're interested to see whether Phelps have that kind of money, which will surely be revealing about what their real motives in all of this are – plus, they deserved the legal slap), but something Phelps said on the Today show this morning made us uneasy. "We got more and we're getting more appropriate news coverage than anything we've ever done," he said, adding that he was delighted by the verdict. How do you fight against someone whose main goal is to make you want to fight? You can't, but hopefully by tying their financial strings, we're making progress.



Halloween Isn't Always For Being A Whore - Sometimes It's For Being An Object Of Ridicule

2008-11-12T21:03:21.770-05:00

(image) So there's this eager intern in our office who asked the intern manager the other day if our workplace is one where people get dressed up for Halloween. The intern manager, knowing that this is exactly the opposite of that kind of place, said "…..sure."

Today we came into the office to find said intern decked out head to toe in drag, with a flawless Lucille Bluth costume. There was even a martini on the desk beside his keyboard.

Not a single other person in our open newsroom wore a costume, not even a funny hat.

And you know what? Contrary to what we expected, it kind of made the kid the coolest guy in the office. Nice.




Happy Power Bottom Appreciation Day!

2008-11-12T21:03:22.038-05:00

(image) One of our very favorite Power Bottoms (you know who you are! As do many, many Fagats readers!) forwarded us this blog post. It commemorates a day we should all recognize, honoring a group of gays that we here at Fagats hold very dear to our hearts.
It's the one day of the year that we recognize those power bottoms who continue to astonish us with their mad skillz. This is not to be confused with Bubble Butt Bonanza Day, which occurs on the last Friday of April. In case you've been living under a rock, a power bottom is a man who enthusiastically takes it up the butt. He enjoys it, never winces, is an aggressive participant, and usually begs for more. They are a treasure and must be showered with admiration. Take the poll at the bottom (har, har) to let us know what you enjoy the most. PBs set themselves apart from lazy bottoms (yawn), dirty bottoms (ew), and tops masquerading as bottoms (stop, it hurts).
Oh, Power Bottoms. Where would we be without you? In an uncomfortable position, that's where.



Someone At Details Slept With A Rich Gay Foreigner

2008-11-12T21:03:22.632-05:00

(image) For a long time, Details was our favorite magazine. We have no idea why – the writing is strange and neither relevant nor clever. The pictures of the boys are hot but they were often too fully-clothed. It must be something to do with the heavy, sexy feel of a fashion magazine, combined with the pages and pages of things that would make us look fabulous. Except we will never be rich enough to afford any of them, so that doesn't make sense either. But anyway, Details is finally catching up with every other magazine in the world and releasing some of their content on the web. Such as this story, about gay "sexpats," who are rich heirs who come to the US to live out their sexually free ways among the perverts in this Godforsaken land. "From Oscar Wilde's years in France to Paul Bowles' infamous forays into Morocco to Gore Vidal's legendary Amalfi hideaway, gay men have long gone into exile when their carnal desires clashed with cultural constraints," the mag writes. Oh, yeah. That's why we used to love Details so much. Because it's the most faggoty piece of crap on the newsstand.



Top Model + Jeopardy = Truly Awe Inspiring Television

2008-11-12T21:03:23.023-05:00

We discovered an amazing new show last night. JJ, JS and I were enjoying a lovely dinner when all of a sudden we hear the voice of Ben Stein introducing a new reality show, "America's Most Smartest Model." Yes, that's right.Fourteen models, (7 men, 7 women) all of whom think they could be the smartest in America, will live together as they compete to determine which of them has what it takes to be dubbed "America's Most Smartest Model" -- The perfect combination of Beauty and Brains.Wow.Let's face it, we would still watch the show if it included only 14 women, but the addition of 7 (HOT!) men makes this show a new staple of our Sunday Nights (or any night of the week since apparently it is on everyday). Behold:I am not as hot when I smile since I have big teeth.No, these are not photo-shopped in.Last night the first challenge was a spelling bee (F-E-N-D-I), but the big challenge was the "walk and talk," where the models stood at the start of the runway, were given a category, and then had to list as many things in that category as they could, while SIMULTANEOUSLY doing a runway walk. This is hard stuff. Brett (above, top) was (shockingly) able to list numerous elements from the periodic table. VJ (above, bottom (ha)) thought that Memphis and Seattle were states. (States are hard, y'all!).The best performance by far was that of Gaston, an Argentinian model who enjoyed sexually harassing the female models (one of whom said she felt "objectified"). His category was "things that smell bad." His list included "armpits, farts, feet, dirty underwear, dirty socks," and, of course, " dirty penis." When asked by Ben Stein if he actually said "dirty penis," he responded, "what, does it not smell bad?" So true, Gaston, so true.Who farted? What? It wasn't me!Off camera, Gaston then added, "if they don't like it, they can suck it." Whether he was referring to the dirty penis, his penis, or his dirty penis, we will never know. Sadly, Gaston got the boot. [...]



Okay, We're Just Going To Say It.

2008-11-12T21:03:23.178-05:00

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Cody, the groom who we've been watching on the Today Show Wedding Special for weeks, is a HUGE FLAMER.


That's all.



Breaking: People Sometimes Repeatedly Sleep With People Whom They Are Not Interested In Dating!

2008-11-12T21:03:23.410-05:00

(image) In an enlightening expose of the underground world of “Friends With Benefits,” the Times reports that “research, conducted among Michigan State University students, confirmed previous findings that most college students report having had at least one such relationship.” NO WAY!

Also, “in addition to budding romances…the “friends” may also be former lovers who occasionally see each other or they may be people who hang out at the same places and now and then end up wrapped around each other, even though they are not really friends.” OMG! Please stop, this is too too shocking.

Luckily, the study makes no indication of whether the "125 young men and women" surveyed were gay or straight, so for now we are going to assume they are all straight, and that such things NEVER happen in our community...



It's Been So Long That If This Site Wasn't Bookmarked We Would Have Had A Hard Time Finding It...

2008-11-12T21:03:23.545-05:00

Well well well. Fancy seeing us here. We apologize (especially to Bigmouth) for our prolonged absence from the internets. We have no new job, and no other blogs that required our attention. Really, we only have entire seasons of shows on DVD, facebook.com, and the new Fall lineup to blame for our amazing display of laziness. But now that we actually do have craploads to do, we thought we would avoid doing it and once again start commenting on all things gay. To begin our reentry into the blogosphere, we want to recap our cab experience on Saturday, circa 3:22am. The below is not made up. The scene is 8th Avenue and 52nd Street. FW runs to the street corner and flails arms in hopes of catching a taxi cab, (hopefully one without GPS as FW feels as if he might puke all over it and then feel bad that the cab driver spent all this money out of his own pocket to install it after that whole strike thing did not work out). A cab pulls over and FW enters.FW: Hi. [Redacted] street and [Redacted] Avenue please.Cabbie: Excuse me, can I ask you something?FW (slurring): Sure.Cabbie: Are you gay?FW (still slurring): Um…yes.Cabbie: I thought so. I have all these gay in my cab, and they ask me to take them to the club, but I only know this “Splash” place so I take them there.FW (stops slurring): Huh. You should stop. That place is terrible.Cabbie: So where I should take them, man?FW: Tuesdays, take them to Bowery Bar, Wednesday the Phoenix, Thursday at Pop Rocks, and the weekends at Mr. Blacks or Hells Kitchen bars. Mondays they should take the night off.Cabbie: Wow, you know all the places!! Here, I have my gay friend on phone, please talk to him. (Hands FW his Bluetooth).FW (back to slurring): Um…hello?Friend: Hey dude. You gay?FW: Um…yes.Friend: You going to Splash tonight?FW: Not so much. It’s 3:30am.Friend: Well I’m getting ready to go, man. You should come, man!FW: Great. Have fun. (Hands Bluetooth back to Cabbie). FW (to Cabbie): You’re not going to Splash?Cabbie: No way man! I like pussy!FW (holding back puke): Riiiiight. Have fun. Mwah mwah!And to think we almost gave up taxis recently...[...]



CGI Cock Shots - Film's New "Locker Room Shower"

2008-11-12T21:03:23.746-05:00

(image) So, we couldn't help but have our interest piqued by this Towleroad post about the upcoming CGI Beowulf film, in which writer Roger Avary discusses how he feels about showing a cartoonized Ray Winstone fighting monsters in only his (magnificent) birthday suit:
"When I wrote it, I envisaged the character of Den in the Heavy Metal comic. Den was a character by Richard Corben, who was easily one of my favorite artists. [Den] was this muscular guy with a gigantic schlong. He would always go into battle and beat the hell out of people, totally in the buff. He never wore clothes. That kind of stuck with me. I love it when somebody takes something like a fight — or really any event — and twists it to the point where you're naked doing it. Also, there was a proud tradition of berserkers going into battle naked. It just shows how fearless you are. I don't know about you, but if someone came at me, like, 'Aaaaargh!' naked, I'd be, 'Whoa!' Had we done it [like] Richard Corben's Den, the MPAA would have had huge, huge problems. As it is, I think the movie is going to have to achieve a more tempered rating. I don't think that we're going to be [seeing] Beowulf's gigantic, you know, baby's-arm-holding-an-apple-sized schlong onscreen. However, because this is performance-capture, it's not inconceivable that, at some point down the road, they simply re-render, widen-out shots, move things out of the way and put together a hard-R or NC-17 version of the movie."
We just went to the movie's website to see their adult only trailer (you have to put in your birthdate to see it), which features a CGI Angelina Jolie in the buff, but only a split second of Winstone's ass. Is it pathetic that, while this isn't a movie we'd normally see (it doesn't seem to bear much relation to the "Beowulf" we read in freshman Lit), the addition of a giant cartoon penis would probably make us rent the DVD?




Someone's Finally Hitting Hard on Post Homophobia

2008-11-12T21:03:23.884-05:00

(image) We've been really appreciating Jeff Bercovici's coverage of the New York Post's homophobia lately. And today he really drives the point home: practically no gays work there. Read his column today to hear all about the Post's institutionalized prejudice. Also, admire his pic - while not gay, he certainly is dreamy....