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Misadventures In Surviving

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Just a test ....

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 19:51:03 -0400

Nothing to see here folks.
Testing some wonky comment spam controls before this blog goes back online. Soon... very very soon.

Lost On The Editing Room Floor

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 16:03:00 -0400

This past May I was asked to be a part of an article for FLARE magazine's 30th anniversary September issue. It was to be a profile of seven women across Canada who are turning 30 or have just turned 30 and their experiences and views on their 20s and the coming decade. In the end, for length or other reasons, the article became more of a collaboration of the voices of seven different women, at different places in our lives, but having similar feelings and views of the past and future. Having read the article for a second time this morning, I am flattered and humbled to have been a part of it. It has shown me on a much larger scale than I could have imagined that even though we are all different, we ARE all very much the same. I find myself inspired by the other women in the article, more, I must admit, than I expected to be by an article in a fashion magazine. For my contribution to the article, I spent an afternoon sitting on my bedroom floor with a box of photos from rolls of film I had recently found in a pile of traveling stuff. I put away the modeling portfolio, printed out Yuki's questions for the article, and thought about my sisters (one of whom is just stepping into her 20s as I step out of mine), my friends all over the world, my family, and my good fortune to have lived the life that I have and to continue to live such a wonderful life. This is what I had to say: (minus the what's your birth date? where do you live?...) 1. What’s the coolest thing about turning/being 30? The coolest thing about turning thirty is the shock on people's faces when I tell them, and all the possibilities that the future holds. 2. What’s the scariest thing about turning/being 30? The scariest thing about turning thirty is hearing other people complain about their fears and expectations of what being thirty means, when they find out you're about to turn thirty. I'm blessed to be healthy and have lived another year and enjoyed life. 3. Will hitting your 30s affect your style-sensibility? How do you think it might change (or not)? I think the biggest change has been that since I don't travel as much as I once did and don't live out of a suitcase for months at a time, I don't have to fit everything back into a suitcase. Now I have a larger selection of clothes to chose from and I don't have to worry about giving up an item or two in order to add pieces to my wardrobe. I love light summer skirts and dresses that flow in the breeze, and have a lot of them now. 4. How long have you been modeling for? Is turning 30 daunting for a model? For the last 9 of the 10 years I have been a model, I have been fortunate enough to have a wonderful agent, Marie Josee at Specs Model Management, who has become a mentor to me in my professional and personal life. Her wisdom and compassion as a business woman has inspired me through the years to continue to discover who I am and what I would like to do in the world. For this reason, I'm not sure 30 is as daunting as I thought 24 was. I turned 24 while I was traveling to Milan and had worried that I would be considered "too old" for an agency to take me on as a model. In the end, the numbers don't seem to actually mean much. I've learned to enjoy the ups and downs of the fashion industry and will continue to model for as long as it is something I want to pursue. 5. You’re going back to school this fall to study mechanical engineering. Where? And what are your thoughts as you prepare to go back to school as a mature student? This fall, I'll be in my second year of Mechanical Engineering at Concordia. I'm excited about it. I have always gone after the things I want. Engineering is something that has interested me since high school and I am fortunate to be able to take the time to study now. I enjoy the challenge and the reward that comes from solving a problem, figuring out things that stump me and knowing that I will carry that knowledge with me in my future endeavors. 6. Now that you’re 30 (or about to be), what would you say if you could talk to your[...]

A Little Time To Reflect

Thu, 9 Apr 2009 15:13:00 -0400

With classes ending and time to all comes back.

Break ups are never easy. First, there's the breaking part, then the making up part, then the part where it's still broken and then the second guessing starts:"but is it really broken?". Then there's the getting back your stuff and giving back their stuff. It's the stuff that makes it harder. There's always another reason to talk, to meet, to second guess....and second guesses turn into making up, then breaking up all over again. It doesn't get any easier, it only hurts more. And before you know it, the respect you thought you shared with them, the maturity you had wanted to have through this, disperses like pollen from dying flowers.

This person you once walked hand-in-hand and arm-in-arm with, now just stands with you side-by-side as your paths diverge into the unknown. It's the time when you need them the most because no one knows you like they have, and you have to learn to find the things you relied on in them, in yourself. Letting this person you loved and will always love in one way or another, be loved by someone else, is not for the weak.

The hardest part is being strong. Getting on with it. Letting go of the past. Letting the world show you what it has in store for you with no reservations, no licking your wounds, no bitter resentment about what could have been, should have been, would have been...if only... No fears of missteps and wrong turns. The hardest part is being okay with the letting go, and finding in yourself the strength to not fall to your knees and give up on love all together.

Our lives are handed to us and left in our control. We make our own decisions of how to live them, what we need, how we will treat the people in our lives, how we will treat those who walk out of our lives, and how we will carry ourselves forward through the obstacles we encounter. Life is beautiful, when you let it in. Life is wonderful when you open your eyes to the possibility the future holds. Love the one you're with like it's forever, the world has a lot in store for each of us, so if it doesn't work out, be happy when they find forever with someone, even someone else. We can't ask anything more for the people we love than that they be truly happy. xx
Montreal, QC

Three is Better Than Two

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 03:35:00 -0400

Once upon a time I thought that everyone was just one person. One person to take care of ourselves, one person to take care of our responsibilities, and one person still as we grew up and followed our path in this world. While the logic in this doesn't evade me today, I now understand how one person can be so much more than one person, by doing less than one person would.

I discovered a few years ago(with great awe), as I looked around and saw my brother and sister-in-law coupled up and my friends beginning to couple up, that two people working together in life can somehow accomplish more by doing the same as they would do for one. It only takes one person to make dinner, but two can eat. (I can't cook for one, I've tried, I can barely cook for less than four at a time) It only takes one to clean an apartment, but two can enjoy the space. It seemed to me that, just like the milk commercial, "two is better than one".

Today, as I was fighting off writers block and a mild addiction to the smiley faces of text messaging, it occurred to me that we are three in the apartment and can manage to get an awful lot done while still having time for eachother and lives outside the apartment. I had been working on a moderately annoying proposal for school; and by working I mean reading research papers, online magazines (about my subject, the word "magazine" is far more exciting than the contents), and operational manuals. I spent hours rethinking my proposal, my subject, my reasoning behind it, and in general my decision for taking this class altogether (mandatory). Over the course of a chat with my roommate I began explaining what turned out to be the first 1200 words of my proposal, and all that had seemed insurmountable this morning as I stared languidly at the words chained together into sentences that formed the paragraphs of the endless reading material--no inspiration in sight.

I got more done today, spending less time doing it, than I have in a long time. And when it comes to responsibilities and obligations involving the apartment, there are three of us to take care of one apartment. It just seems silly that it should be any other way.
Three is better than two!!

One of my sisters once told me that it's hard to study at home when you live with your best friends. It 's true, but sometimes, it's just so good to have them there.
Three BFFs on video chat is pretty perfect, too!!
Montreal, QC

The Delusion

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 17:49:11 -0500

People are only as genuine as we ask them to be. They may provide us with what we are able to convey to them we need, we want, we cannot have less than, but rarely more than that.

I used to believe that people wouldn't change, couldn't change even when asked ever so politely. I believed that what I got in life was what I deserved to get and not limited by my ability to ask for what I needed or wanted. I spent much too long following a path that I believed I should follow, not because it was my path but because other people desired that I follow it. I can't say that I was happy. I can't say that I was satisfied, and worst, of all, I can't say that it brought me anything but pain, frustration, and disappointment. I wasted four years trying to fall in line, be what I thought I should be, and settling for what I thought should be enough for someone in this life. What I wanted to do, what I wanted to feel, and who I wanted to be, ignored.

The truths to the questions I was too scared to ask are being laid out before me like the pages of an accordion book tilted just a little too far to one side. It comes as no surprise. My life unfolds to me only as fast as I let it; if I don't open it myself, it will be opened for me in time....way too much time after it should have been seen, understood, and lived. My delusions of what I believed to be enough for the life I thought I should live, put aside. The present that I wasted in the hopes of a future of something I never had to begin with, gone.

Although, the truths of others can hurt when seen for the first time, it is our own truths which heal us and bring us, scars hidden, to where we need to be. As I take in the truths of the people around me, and begin to understand how love can be different from one person to the next, I admire their strength and hold them not to the person I believe they can be but to the person they are.

I continue to remind myself of the 3 things that kept me going years ago:
1. Sometimes it's hard to see *how* you love someone because of *how much* you love them.
2. You can only find in someone what you are ready to see.
3. If you sell your soul, ask for a lot; in the end, it's never enough.

Montreal, QC

The Aunts Go Marching One By One.

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 17:31:53 -0400

Last night at 10:30ish EST, four Ontario residents, one England resident, and one Quebec resident became Aunts to Claire Madeline Shaver. At 6lbs 14oz and less than 1 day old, she has already managed a feat thought to be impossible by Physics Professors and Sir Issac Newton himself, she has wrapped a 6ft4in man around her little finger, by all accounts only millimeters wide.
Montreal, QC

It's beginning to look a lot like.......sick time.

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 20:37:43 -0400

It must be fall. I have my seasonal sore throat, which turns into a sinus infection and earache as I try to clean all the germs out of my apartment and pump vitamins and rest into my body. There are no good cures. No matter what I do or don't do, it lasts just short of a week. Feeling worse as I get better.

I wage war against the onslaught of germs coming from my classmates, fellow bus patrons, and anyone, really, I am confined to a small space with for any length of time. The weather drops, my windows stay closed for longer amounts of time, and hot beverages become the drink of choice.

Fresh ginger and mint tea in the largest of glass jars I can find, keeps me company on my desk as I try to get my brain to work and my assignments done, although it may be reason enough to be sick all season long.
Montreal, QC

Back By Popular Demand... RSS Feeding

Sat, 26 May 2007 14:37:00 -0400

Hey folks. There were a couple of problems reported with the RSS feed for this blog. All fixed now.

A link to the RSS feed and the validation of same have been added in the menu to your left. Happy reading!

[Next up will be the comment spam. The 'fix' I've tried on my blog isn't working as wonderfully as I'd hoped. Stay tuned...]

Just Another Reason To Run Around In My Underwear....

Thu, 24 May 2007 23:08:25 -0400

Last summer my mother told me about a fundraising event that she thought was interesting. It's called the Underwear Affair and pretty much involves walking or running in your underwear to raise money for cancer "below the belt". The event was being held in Vancouver. I told my roommate at the time about the event and how funny I thought it was, he agreed. Funny translates to "I would totally do that".

Earlier this year, this same former-roommate informed me that he had heard on the radio that an Underwear Affair was going to be held in Montreal this summer, and gave me the website to check out.

Having moved in to my new apartment a whole 8 days ago and counting my days off since then at 1, I figured, why not start a team, aptly named St.Urbain Sweeties, and see if I can raise $4,000 in the next 7 days to help try to find a cure for cancers "below the belt". If you would like to help find a cure or just encourage my efforts to run around in underwear, you can make donations online HERE.

One of my new roommates has joined the team, making us 2 strong. We are going to see how many of our friends we can wrangle up in the next week to join the team and who knows, should we reach our goal of $4,000, we may even be encouraged to do it again next year, with a little more forethought and planning!
Montreal, QC

Applying Myself

Tue, 1 May 2007 15:11:14 -0400

I have not-so-recently realized that I am the epitome of "bad at keeping in touch". I have slightly-more-recently realized that working too much and not taking care of myself is a great way to waste a precious life and stay distant from my loved ones, whom I am fortunate enough to still have in my life despite my awful communication skills. I have rather-recently decided that the future is now. So, with my textbooks packed away, my new apartment found, and the packing begun, I will take this time to find new ways to stay in touch with my loved ones and to update my priorities. But it doesn't end there; as I was finalizing my applications to McGill Faculty of Engineering(!!), I realized that I was incredibly hard to get a hold of, as well.

I had to wait for someone to call me back with the information I was looking for, but I was at work so I had no access to a fax machine, the internet, nor my cell phone. Due to the May 1st deadline for my application, I was becoming rather frantic trying to get a hold of someone at McGill who had the information I needed, and waiting on hold for extended periods of time while still doing my job as receptionist at a hair salon proved to be more than trying and by the end of the day, approaching exhausting.

Fortunately, my Dov-ely roommate was home when I got in. We went out for dinner with his brother where I was able to let go of the stress that had been mounting in my body over the last week or so and enjoy some good 'ol Bayou cuisine. It's good to get out of the work-and-study-all-the-time mindset, and just let go...

Currently, I am FACEBOOKed, MSNed, GOOGLE TALKed, and checking my e-mails ALL the time.
Montreal, QC