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Comments on Rants by Ronni: I've Been Reading





Updated: 2017-10-11T09:04:26.956-05:00

 



By the way, Bev, if you're still around, I found a...

2007-10-14T23:01:00.000-05:00

By the way, Bev, if you're still around, I found an arrangement of "In the Pines," by Kurt that is one of the most beautiful expressions of unbearable pain that I have heard in over 20 years. He truly was a genius.



Cheri, I think I may be fairly good, in an unconsc...

2007-10-14T22:56:00.000-05:00

Cheri, I think I may be fairly good, in an unconscious way, at compartmentalizing my feelings. Something to do with that good old British "stiff upper lip" I was raised to believe was the ideal.

I am continually humiliated by my recurring bouts of tears, which can be set off by any little thing, and which occur at inconvenient times and places.



Hello, Bev, and welcome.Your book was very interes...

2007-10-14T22:48:00.000-05:00

Hello, Bev, and welcome.

Your book was very interesting, and I recognize the similarities among survivors; it just seems that my feelings, while not unique, are so unformed and nebulous that I should re-read it later on.

It has been nearly two months since my husband shot himself, and I am still in shock.



Hi, Ronni.... I'm so happy for you that you found...

2007-10-14T22:43:00.000-05:00

Hi, Ronni.... I'm so happy for you that you found some words that help you. And I'm very sorry for your loss.

Bev Cobain



Here is my "amateur psychologist" feedback (though...

2007-10-14T22:24:00.000-05:00

Here is my "amateur psychologist" feedback (though I do have a psychology degree so I'm not totally uncredentialed) -- The part of you that feels dead inside cannot believe that Jim is really gone. I think that extremely common for anyone who has lost a loved one, whether by sudden death or even after a long illness. We are programmed to expect that those we love will always be there. When they no longer are it goes against all we know and live for.

This is still so new for you, dear Ronni, that a part of you is still in deep denial. I understand. I don't blame you. It is your defense mechanisms in overdrive protecting you.

Just keep going one day at a time, taking pleasure in your creativity, loving your children and grandchildren, and being the staunch friend you are to those near and far, both healthy and those faced with health challenges. It's what you can do. It's what you are good at.

It will perhaps take years to reconcile Jim's death. The disconnect between your rational side and your emotional side might not be mended soon, or smoothly. All you can do is attend to the here and now, to the living, and to what brings you satisfaction and peace.