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Crooked Eyebrow





Updated: 2017-04-20T11:04:54.268-05:00

 



13 years ago

2013-03-25T10:17:07.636-05:00

13 years ago today... it was not snowing. It was sunny and the air was crisp. I was driven to the Indiana dunes by the hot guy I was dating with lunch in tow. 

 He said "grab your camera " before we headed out of the apartment. Little did I know he was going to ask me to be his wife. The start of many self photos began that day. 


 (Yes its a picture of a picture. It is stuck to the glass in a frame and is to remain there forever) 


People say all the time, "time flies". I am a believer now. 
Where have 13 years gone?

Wait, I know.
Three kids, Two dogs, Two homes purchased, many years of laughter (some full of tears) and yet the only thing I would change would be that we took more self photos along the way.


Mr. CE, I am a lucky woman. 
Wubba.





Unfreeze me, please.

2013-03-13T15:18:30.282-05:00

It has been a quiet winter. 
There were big plans to keep busy, enjoy it with the kids
but
I felt too broken.

The icy, cold dark days froze me.
Hibernation...depression.
 

Things are becoming brighter.
Unfreeze me, please.

Melting

slowly

but

anxiously awaiting the days to go splash in puddles.











My girl

2013-02-11T22:16:41.077-06:00

This gorgeous girl has spirit and lots of it. 


She is a lover, a babbler, a throw her head back with
eyes pinched shut and spin fast kinda girl.

She is fierce and stubborn.



She is a "leave me alone, I'm busy".
but give me a hug before you go.

She is a sit here for one moment then move because
life is too short child.

She is a watcher, a doer and a let me see kid.
A what can I get away with if I smile.

Total Daddy girl.

Not to mention a singer, painter, dancer and a
"GIVE ME MORE GLUE!!!" child.



She is doll.

She is a best (my)  friend.
She is my sweet Miss E



Baby, time sure does fly

2013-01-30T22:15:32.145-06:00

It happened,  I was just hoping it wouldn't have gone so fast.My last baby, doesn't seem like a baby anymore.He is his own little person now.I marvel at his eyes as they focus so intently when discovering something new.From a distance I glance over to see him figure things out on his own. He looks so big and I think ,"I would have never thought he would understand that yet", but he does.Almost 15 months old. Already?I will remember the last time he nursed after bumping his head.He ran to me and Momma was the only thing he wanted.I held, sang to him and then this toddler in my arms got right back down to find another adventure.Every time he looks at me I see little similarities that he shares with my other babies.The curls have begun. I love them. Often I wish that he would sit still so I can twirl his golden locks.ButYou have awesome, amazing, wonderful things to see and do, my love.So I will sit back and watch, awaiting your next smile, hug, laugh or cry.Because baby, time sure does fly.[...]



One foot on the ground

2012-12-03T08:09:50.987-06:00

Joyful 
Blurred
 Beautiful

Carefree
Busy chasing life
with one foot on the ground.

Motherhood.







Photo of my sister and nephew




Mr. J. 9 months ( better late than never)

2012-09-04T13:52:02.899-05:00

Mr. J,I am so sorry, mom is late again. An entire month behind. You see, summer has been busy with all three babies at home. There were trips to a water park, a zoo, a few fairs. But here you are. This is the month where you would walk with toys, attempt to stand on your own and well, its the month where you have the most bruises on your head from thinking you can walk.You eat poofs and cheerios like they are going out of style and you are quick to spit out green beans. As of now, you prefer mom to anyone and I am sorry for the poor souls in the room when I leave. Why? Your scream. You scream, throw your head back and cry. It's heart breaking to see you cry when I just have to use the bathroom. (so you usually go with me) I wish I could say you are sleeping through the night. Alas, you are not. Work on that kid, momma is tired. ( but I love nursing you back to sleep, its our quiet time without miss e)Your sister was trying to make you smile.Justin- 9 monthsYour hangoutEvery month, you try to take your sticker off.So tired of the bear poseMr. J prefers to stand. ALL THE TIMEtypical lookVERY typical lookHoly cow, now momma has to get your 10 month photos up.xoxolove you my honey bunny[...]



Mr. J, you are 8 months old

2012-07-11T15:07:59.155-05:00

 8 months of this blue bear, can I get a new prop in here?Fine, I will cry through this entire photo shoot...(he did, but then a say later started getting sick with HFM and Roseola, it explains a lot)Look , no teeth , yet!This has become my new toy, this crib thing, it tastes like wood, but i keep chewing...I do not like photos. Not at all.What are you looking at? I am pooping here.Mr. J, You are 8 months old now and I can't believe how fast you are growing. You are such a sweet boy. You love to crawl after your sister, your laugh is contagious and mommy loves you so much. So, so much.You are going to do great things my honey bunny, great things.mom [...]



7 months, belated

2012-07-11T14:55:09.198-05:00

What do you mean you forgot to post my 7 months photos?
I will never get tired of chewing the bear...

it's hard to sit still when you are 7 months

Look! Chubby legs.


Dear baby, I know you are the third child and I swore I wouldn't let your important milestones go forgotten... It's been a busy few months with you and your siblings. This month you discovered that you can stand in your crib, crawl  and keep up with Miss E. 

The best thing I want to remember is this is the month you started to belly giggle, it brings me to tears.



When I used to blog...

2012-07-10T22:34:04.368-05:00

When I used to blog, I felt better for typing out something, mostly my fleeting thoughts. They were  usually lame, random and written with poor grammar and punctuation to boot. At the time I didn't care and I honestly still don't.

It's me.
imperfect, full of errors

Sitting at work and bored over the years gave me a lot of time for blogging and reading some of my favorite bloggers. Now being a stay at home mom, I don't have the time to do either. Heck, I can't even manage to keep up to date on the monthly photos on this little space of mine.

Funny, I would have never thought that when I was working.

Working was way easier, but then I missed my kids and well, being a working mom is hard. The only thing I do miss about work are friends and potty breaks without little people passing me the toilet paper or pounding on the door.

Let me tell you, I had visions of awesome proportions of what it was going to be like staying home. More time for my kids, play dates, park time, less stress from not being in a toxic work environment. Well, it took me 8 months to be honest with myself and not hear an "i told you so" but it is nothing like I had imagined.

I am pretty lonely, thankfully my husband works from home so I have someone to talk to.
I think that is what I miss. Talking to people, even though I have a hard time speaking to new people, I think I  miss conversations.

Now I can have a mean conversation with a two year old on how Mulan really isn't a boy, but pretending to be, to fight for her family's honor and not just be a cross dresser. (mulan is a huge hit up in here)
 
 
Blogging used to be my happy place, but it doesn't feel so happy now.  I opened my blog for the first time today in forever and I forgot what it looked like.  (like when did blogger format change??)Then I realized that this isn't me anymore. Sure I am "crookedyebrow", but I am not a photographer and I honestly I am too afraid to fail to be a dreamer.

I miss a lot lately, not just the office humor/gossip,  but co workers, play dates, friends that aren't really there, time to myself in the car... I miss, well, me.







Third of the month

2012-06-04T14:28:09.039-05:00

Just back from our honeymoon, 12 years late...

Slowly trying to catch up and unpack, but yesterday was the third, so here is my "third of the month" post. You know, the only posts I even do anymore.

JC is 11 1/2
Miss E is 2 1/2
and
Mr. J is 7 months

These photos were hard to get.
My babies were not interested in photos this month and I was too tired to fight it.









I am even late on taking Mr. J's 7 month photos. We did them today and they were all out of focus. BOO.

Y'all, he is SEVEN months old.

wow.



6 months

2012-05-03T15:45:25.315-05:00

My baby is 6 months old. I simply cannot believe how much he has grown. Mr. J, mommy loves you so much. So, Hi there,  like my baby blues?I babble all the time now. "da, da, ba, da"Next I will be asking for the car keys.Normally mommy makes me lay down next to this bear. Uh, hello?I am six months and I DO NOT lay down.She said "smile, baby" and well, I prefer to suck on my lower lip.Oh look, tag like things.I LOVE to play with the tags on everything.Watch out ladies, I got a hat.It's hard to resist a man in a hat.Wanna see me pose?OMG, mom, you put my butt on here?(how could a mom not)And then I gave mommy this look.She died from my cuteness.The. End.[...]



scratch that one off the bucket list...

2012-04-10T08:36:00.378-05:00

So there was a thought a month ago that I would start running.Since then I have had shin splints, fitted for new shoes and then had calf pains.Thanks to Erin, she suggested ice and rolling pin which worked wonders.In fact if it wasn't for her, I most likely would have never started.She was my inspiration to finally cross off "do a 5K" on my mental bucket list.Seeing her tweet her runs this winter, it moved me...she made me want to know what running for yourself felt like.Thank you.I finally got to take a photo of my first bib number.I was nervous about running. My sister and I ran the course the week before and I was so scared of all the hills. So many hills it seemed like, but with the help of my sister, she helped me squash those fears. We ran the course together in 34 minutes.Three miles in 34 minutes.She was my hero, she told me she was proud of me.Me the big sister, she was proud of me? I was beaming.Then came race day.and we ran together, again.The day started out rough for me.I ran with very heavy thoughts in my head and was distracted then entire race.I panicked, lost control of my breathing and around mile 2, I had to stop and walk.I was so pissed at myself. So. pissed.All the runs I did at home I never stopped.I stopped in my first race.My sister slowed down for me and never gave up on me.I started running again, past the lung cramps and through the tearing calf pains.Slowly I remembered I was running for me because I was finally working towards and finishing a goal I set for myself. I am forever saying I should do something and I never do.I saw the finish line, made a motion to my sister and we sprinted.Hard, I wanted to cry.The best thing was having her there and giving her the biggest hug afterwards.( i love you MB)Well, I set a goal after running for one month to run a 5k.Thankfully my sister did it with me.Because I finally did it, my first 5k and definitely not my last.36:04 and it can only get better from here, right?[...]



running proud

2012-04-09T10:38:32.827-05:00

Now you have to understand something, I am not a runner. At all. I was the chubby, asthmatic kid in gym class that the teacher would yell at to "pick up the pace". After years of being forced to in gym class, I only ran if I was being chased.

In high school, I couldn't put down my smokes long enough to even think about physical fitness. In nursing school I thought about working out but between clinicals, care plans and working full time, my health came last. Back then, running would have never even entered my mind. EVER. That would make me sweat, right? Drink water? I was fueled by Mt. Dew.

So I have been extremely unhealthy for years now. Sugar, love it. Pop, crave it. Exercise , hate it. Before the last two babies were born I had tried the Couch 2 5 K program and ended up pregnant both times. Now after the third and final baby (will be VERY officially done this week), I was able to leave my full time nursing job. When this happened, Mr. CE told me in the passing to make the most of it, so I started trying to.

Not working, I finally wanted to do all the things I never had time for...me. Eight weeks postpartum I started going to the gym, seeing a trainer and attempting to lose weight. As of right now I have lost all baby weight +5 pounds. That doesn't matter to me though. What matters to me is that I am going and I can feel myself getting stronger. In January I could barely do a push up, sit up or run on a treadmill. Now I make them my bitch and I enjoy them all.

Now feeling stronger, I signed up for my first 5k and had a month to train. On March 6th, I laced up and hit the pavement and DIED. I couldn't run a quarter mile without stopping. A week later, when all my people were sleeping I went back out and did more. Then the next time I pushed myself more. Soon, I was waking up before my alarm, would feed the baby and go sneak out in the dark for another run. One morning I ran my first straight mile in 12 minutes. I had a high. As I was trying to find the right pace, stride, etc. My fists opened up, I took a deep breath and at one point I couldn't tell the difference between my sweat or the early morning dew. What a feeling. I wanted more.

Trying to find the time to run is hard, it all depends on the baby's sleep schedule and well I can't depend on that, can I ? Some days I didn't get to go out when I had wanted, but I would keep trying the next day. Next run, I did 2 miles straight and on March 25th I pushed it to 3 miles. THREE MILES in three weeks of running? Yes, yes I did.

I have given birth to three babies, two naturally and I have never been as proud of myself as I was that morning of running 3 miles in 42 minutes. NEVER. You know you have to birth the babies, they have to come out but you don't HAVE to run.

For the first time in my adult life, I was PROUD of myself.
That is a feeling that I never want to forget and dammit, I want to feel it more...


(my 5 k was this weekend, the post got too long more to come)



Third of the month

2012-04-03T23:16:54.395-05:00

(image)
My babies
April 2012



(image)

Miss E
2 1/2


JC 11 years



(image)
Justin- 5 months

(image) The boys

No babies were harmed in the photo shoot.
I promise we are not teaching our kids choke holds.
Promise.




last month



thank you to Steph for starting the idea to photograph your kids each month. Brilliant



5 months

2012-04-03T23:01:33.254-05:00

What is mom holding? Crinkling paper? I LOVEthe sound of paper crinkling.Guess what?I am 5 months old now!Time is flying by...That means I have had 5 straight months of being posed next to this blue bear.and now mom is making me lay down when all I want to do is sit up.MOM, I can sit up now!PPPPBBBSSST.She likes it when I do this all day.Wait, crinkle noises...Mom said her heart fluttered when she saw this photobecause it looks just like her when she was a baby.I just like to eat my toes....I have been busy this month, mostly eating and growing.As of lately I have been enjoying Oatmeal at night, I dig that.Although I am not sleeping through the night.Mom wishes.She loves me anyways, how could she not when I look this good?[...]



Third of the month

2012-03-04T10:29:10.740-06:00

Third of the month, time for photos of my babies.
Thanks to Steph's fabulous idea of capturing her children monthly,
I now have awesome photos to look back on.

It usually starts out with the boys being ready, waiting for Miss E.
The best part about it is that I get a monthly shot of just my boys.



(image)

She eventually decides she wants in on the action, but quickly decides that
if she can't hold baby, she is out.

(image)
But then we bribe our chunky monkey with food.
I believe that she is holding food or a treat in every month.
What ever it takes, right?

(image)
My three babies + dog.
March 2012


January
February



4 months

2012-03-03T17:18:55.870-06:00

Look, I am 4 months old now!and much bigger than the blue bear.you know what I love to do now?besides making mom laugh, smile and melt into goo every time i look at her?I like to sit up.alot.I am so darn handsome, aren't I ?I also love crinkle noises, kind of like this sticker on my shirt.(I was giggling alot during this photo)My Bed? I sleep in it all the time now.Good bye newborn bassinet.I'm a big boy now.Pretty tall now, no?mom makes my smile, she is my favorite person.Man, I make 4 months look good.my can't get enough of my toes, I don't blame her.Oh bear, you are my good, good friend.I love to lay on my back, I still have tummy time.When I get on my tummy now, I try hard to roll over.Mom thinks that this month will be really fun.I think I will be rolling over more soon.[...]



Reason #12,232 that I am glad I quit my job

2012-02-28T13:41:13.642-06:00

I get to eat lunch with herand make "unches"I get to wipe runny nosesI get to marvel at all the ways she eats. Standing being the most popular choice.I get to look at her long lashes in the noon light.and watch her chew and ponder .Yup, she is made of awesome and I am forever grateful I get to be at home with her.[...]



third of the month

2012-02-03T17:09:42.779-06:00

February 3, 2012

Third of the month series.
Our monthly photo shoot of our 3 kids.



Things kinda go on Miss E time as of lately.
If she isn't wanting to do it,
it most likely will not take place.


Unless you say "wiggles"
and she smiles with a mouth full
of cookie that I had to bribe her with
in the first place.



Look, Mr. J fits in already.



Love my three babies
Note the cookie in Miss E's lap.



(image)
My favorite three little people
under my favorite picture.

February 2012


see January here




3 months

2012-02-02T18:47:53.166-06:00

Hi there, I'm three months old today!This month I started sucking my thumb,mom says that my siblings never did this before.This is the lame pose my momma puts me in every monthnext to this blue furry bear.OH toes! Let me get these piggies...I am trying to dig my crib.Mom says she is moving me in here soon.I just saw my mom, I like her, she has the milk.I only like laying on my back.I SCREAM during tummy time.Most of the time I smile, giggle and eat.Three months in the crooked house, at least I'm still smiling.Have you met Miss E yet?Yea, she is always coming after my cuteness.[...]



Mini me

2012-01-24T21:02:15.644-06:00

(image)
I don't have any photos to compare, but she looks a lot like me.
Even better?
My mom saved my old shirt and my sweet Miss E can wear it.


Photo of Miss E at 27 months



Got sleep?

2012-01-23T11:03:42.641-06:00

(image)
8.5 hours of straight sleep
Let's hope this continues

Mr. J, almost 12 weeks



will power

2012-01-18T09:25:13.317-06:00

The gym.
I went and I felt silly and chubby. I felt like a poser amongst fit people.

My things went into a locker, my shoes were tied and my ancient ipod was charged. I was ready to go? Walking in after many years away is hard, but I forced my self in there.

I found a elliptical, in the back, away from people. I got myself up, put my tunes on and well, could not figure out how to turn the damn thing on. I froze with embarrassment. See? I am a poser and a bad one too.

After futzing with the machine and the "quick start" button, I had to ask for help. It takes a lot for me to ask for help. A lot. Honestly, deep down I wanted to get off and go hide somewhere and play "words with friends" while Mr. J was in the child area. Staying put, I asked the next person who came up to another machine. A guy. A really good looking one too. Dammit.

Quietly I ask him "can you please tell me how these things work?" . He laughed (looking cute) and said "will power, you just start pedaling". I wanted to die. DUH. So i start pedaling after selecting a program and then he leans over and shows me that I didn't even have the thing on and counting. (i wanted to die).

Fifteen minutes into it, I wanted to give up. I was out of breath, sweaty and sore. If that doesn't say out of shape, I don't know what does. Will power.... that word kept replaying in my head, over and over. It worked. Not only did I finish, but I went on to try and run. Ha. That is going to take a lot more will power and prayer.

Right now? I am digging deep and finding the will power to go back today and hopefully soon, not feel like a workout poser.



not my mess

2012-01-16T07:48:09.895-06:00

I grew up with a pretty awesome mom. I should state that first. However, she was a stickler for a clean house. For years the woman worked two jobs and cleaned up after two girls, she deserves a medal. After awhile we were old enough to clean up our own messes, but she still nagged and complained that our shared bedroom was filthy.

( two teen girls? it was)

Here is where I have to admit that my sister was cleaner than me. I swear she is OCD. (Hi sis!) Time after time I would try to blame my mess on her. "Mom, it's not my mess", I would proudly and foolishly declare. What was I thinking? I look back now as an adult and mother and who was I kidding? Silly teen me.

Almost 15 years later, now a wife and mother of three, I still panic when I know my mom will be coming over. I do! It's like I am 15 years old all over again and I can't let her down. So the night before she comes I pick up the mess, shove it out of the way like I was a teenager hiding all my dirty clothes way back in the closet and go in full clean mode. It drives my husband nuts.

But you see, as I tell my son, "I would pick up all the crap in your room, Grandma is coming tomorrow", he totally picks up the mess. He knows. He totally gets it too.

This woman,my mother, has some sort of magic cleaning powers. One time we came home to her cleaning our front door and screen. There she was, hanging out the door, scrubbing away. Later that week she was cleaning all my ceiling fans. ( i told she deserves a medal)

On to more cleaning I go, "EVERY room must be picked up" I say to myself. Then it hits me, right there in the hallway closet as I am hanging all the coats up, "this isn't my mess". (she hates coats laying around)

This *really* isn't just my mess.

The house is clean, well not clean, just cleaner and then I stop and wonder, did my grandmother do the same thing? Did my mom hurry and try to clean for her mother? Did she think to herself each night while picking up after her two gorgeous, loving daughters (hi mom!), "this isn't just my mess?"



I'll have to ask her, after I wash my dishes, she is coming tomorrow.



life is but a dream

2012-01-13T21:21:21.263-06:00

The store was busy, the baby was wrapped up and worn on me. In the cart were supplies to hold us over in case the snow kept us in. With me was my favorite girl.

Up and down the aisles we pushed our goods around the snow panicked crowds. Our pace seemed like we were in slow motion as others pushed and rushed by. You, my favorite girl, Miss E were happily taking in every moment. Even the boxes of pasta made you laugh.

I looked down and watched your chubby fingers point to everything in sight. Then I watched your eyes light up at the old lady saying hello. You sparkled. It was like a dream. My daughter, so beautiful.

While you picked out your favorite cereal, you looked at me and started rocking back and forth while your hands grasped onto the cart. Your golden locks were all a mess from your head swaying side to side. You were singing your favorite song...

Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream...

It was as if the people parted and it was only us singing in a big empty store. I can see your smile as I was singing back to you, "Life is but a dream". We stop singing and as I walked away I was thankful it wasn't a dream.