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Preview: Too Cool for School

Too Cool for School

Self-Appointed Arbiter of Pacifier Shame

Updated: 2015-09-16T15:04:08.864-05:00




Violet Affleck is back on the paci. After a flurry of paci sightings during the first year of Violet's life, there was nothing, leading this blogger to believe Violet was weaned. Oh, you're a clever one, Violet, but we're onto you.

Paci hall of shame.


Melissa Joan Hart and her 23 month old kidcessory, Mason. Gotta give her credit for tirelessly working the celebrity baby circuit. Say "college fund", Mason!

Paci hall of shame.


New inductee: One of Heidi Klum's kids.

Paci hall of shame.


Welcome, Jaden James Spears. I don't feel guilty about annointing you because this is about the least of your problems.

Paci hall of shame.


Repeat offender, Kingston Rossdale.

Who knew?


Hillary Clinton has a Flickr account. Check out the most recent "debate watching party."

Is it me or is Bill Clinton still hot? Oops, did I say that out loud?

This pregnancy brought to you by...


Remember how former View co-host Star Jones was publicly maligned for her commercially-sponsored wedding? Well Star has got nothing on another View co-host. Elizabeth Hasselbeck is pimping her pregnancy. That's right. Hasselbeck's pregnancy is sponsored by Dreft. For the uninitiated (read: childless), Dreft is an expensive and completely unnecessary laundry detergent, formulated especially for babies.

And indulge me while I ponder the irony of the situation. Hasselbeck is an outspoken opponent to a woman's right to choose, a position ostensibly predicated on the "sanctity of life". But it's perfectly fine to pimp that fetus for dollars. Brings new meaning to term "sanctity."

Paci hall of shame.


This week, we're inducting a newcomer. Welcome, Angel - the daughter of Mel B. from the Spice Girls. As an aside, mom is taking this MILF thing a little too far.



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Five years.


It's been five years since Congress authorized the use of force in Iraq. To mark this anniversary, a bunch of soldiers weigh in on state of affairs in Iraq. No, not phony soldiers. 12 former army captains. Their message: reinstitute the draft to bolster our presence, or pull out "immediately." They're not the only members of the military criticizing the Administration's handling of Iraq.

How many more lives must be sacrificed in the name of this futile effort?



Ann Coulter has a new boyfriend, whom she wishes didn't exist.

Barbie. Must. Die.


Introducing Barbie Fashion Fever Boutique, complete with pretend credit swiper.


Snarks the Consumerist:

We think Mattel should introduce the "Dang, I Grew Up" Barbie playset, where Barbie spends her entire paycheck on Rent-a-Center furniture while trying to make the minimum payments on her dozen or so 30% interest rate cards. But then again, since this is Barbie, once her credit score hit 300 or so the playset would probably just bump it back up to 800. Responsibility is so for nerds and foster children.

Another reason the name "Britney" is sinking in popularity.


As I observed, the Poop has declared "Britney" to be on the baby name retirement list. You know, negative associations, and whatnot.

Another possible reason for its decline in popularity: the name lends itself to several unsavory nicknames, which I've seen strewn about the blogosphere, including:

1. Shitney
2. Clitney
3. And now, Unfitney

Paci Hall of Shame


Kingston Rossdale, again.

Have a sandwich, Nancy.


Check out Nancy Grace, who is expecting twins in November. Isn't she a little small, for her third trimester with twins?

Paci hall of shame.


Repeat offender, Kingston Rossdale.

Say What?, Part I


Mattel apologizes to China for toy recalls.

Debrowski [Mattel's executive vice president of worldwide operations says] said he realized the damage that had been done to the reputation of Chinese goods, adding the company was committed to manufacturing in China and was also investing $30 million in a Barbie store in Shanghai.

Oh, China's reputation is damaged. Boo fucking hoo. Nice to see where Mattel's loyalty lies.

Paci hall of shame.


New entry: Britney Spears. No, not Sean Preston or Jaden James. It's Britney, bitch.

Moms can be aggressive war mongers too.


At the Emmy Awards, Sally Fields concluded her Emmy acceptance speech with: “If mothers ruled the, ruled the world, there would be no god-damned wars in the first place.”

Michelle Malkin fires off an angry response:

Contrary to tongue-tied Sally’s incoherent Primetime Emmy Awards diatribe, childbearing, and childrearing experiences do not bond all women in a universal sorority of non-confrontation...

On the playground of life, Sally Field is the mom who looks the other way when the brat on the elementary-school slide pushes your son to the ground or throws dirt in your daughter’s face. She’s the mom who holds her tongue at the mall when thugs spew profanities and make crude gestures in front of her brood. She’s the mom who tells her child never to point out when a teacher gets her facts wrong. She’s the mom who buys her teenager beer, condoms, and a hotel room on prom night, because she’d rather give in than assert her parental authority
and do battle.

Got that? If you're a mother and you voice reasonable dissent against war, your child is going to be a wuss. Or promiscuous. Or both.

Judge calls bullshit on anti-mom hysteria.


Britney gets to keep her kids, subject to a litany of conditions. I called this one. So did Nancy Grace. Suck it, Us.

California proposes bold work/life legislation.


Per JD Bliss, highlights include:

  1. Adding "familial status" as a protected class under the employment nondiscrimination statute; and
  2. Requiring job-protected time away from work for "caregivers".

Critics charge that the proposal, as presently stated, is too broad. They argue that it would cover something as trivial as mom cutting out of work early to go to soccer practice. (That's a bad thing?)

In any event, the proposal reflects the prevalence of the duel income family, and its attendant logistical problems. And as one of the earners in a two income family, I say: it's about time!

Bump Watch Fatigue


The assault on Jennifer Lopez continues, with In Touch reporting she's 12 weeks along with twins.

No word on the other Jennifers...this week.

Update: Jennifer Lopez is not expecting. It was just a rumor.

The Dawn of a New Era


Dunkin Donuts has started selling its coffee grounds in bulk at BJs, Costco and the like. This big 40 oz bag costs a mere $15. Still no bargain, but it'll keep me in caffeine longer than the regular one pound bag. Keep up the good work guys.

Are you a Dunkin Donuts drinker, or a Starbucks snob?