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Preview: Year of the Dogwoman

Year of the Dogwoman

"We are lucky, even the worst of us, because daylight comes." - Lighthousekeeping, Jeanette Winterson

Updated: 2014-03-18T07:44:31.087+08:00


Because I'm a frustrated tumbler


You know what, just follow me here too. I still want to keep this account for the nice long entries :)[...]

Crazy love


Ever since Red, I've been swimming in a sea of strangeness.

I've met and been exposed to different kinds of people (some better than others) and I've just basically been doing things differently.

I have the strangest tan lines because I fell asleep by the pool with my hand over my shoulder and still wearing my shorts. I got thrown into a pool and although this wasn't the first attempt, this was the first time I've gotten too drunk to fight or care. I've been in some pretty amazing fights, the ones that start with screaming matches and end with both of us just falling asleep from sheer exhaustion. Then we wake up laughing our heads off. The range of emotions I've been made to feel is unimaginable.

The point is, it's exhilarating and never predictable but I wouldn't trade it for anything else.

See, I'm not a bad person


From my Korean classmate back in high school:

hi mika! remember me? ;)
i just want to tell u that you were really good girl to me.
back to high school life,
you were the girl who always smile to everyone.
i just wish i could speak english better then...
so we could be good friends lol.
good to see you in happy good looking!
take care! God bless!

It's always nice to be remembered :)

Today, I was kidnapped for lunch, Red helped a wounded girl get to the hospital and I have to cram a whole thesis by tomorrow. I'm barely halfway through. Shall a miracle happen? Positive vibes encouraged :)

Excerpts from Erica Jong's "The Perfect Man"


"The perfect man - for any woman - is the man who loves her constantly and fucks her frequently, passionately, and well; who adores and admires her; is at once reliable and exciting; an earthly Adonis and a heavenly father figure; a beautiful son, a steady daddy; a wild-eyed Bacchic lover and a calm, sober, but still funny friend. Can you find all these attributes in one man? Not bloody likely! And if you find them, will they endure for all the various passages of your life? Not bloody likely."

"Ah - the dream of the true partner. He is, after all, "the perfect man." Do we find him? Or do we train him? Do we grow him in our gardens or import him from the moon? And if we find him, will he go mad at twenty-five or into a depression at thirty, or wind up fucking baby-sitters at forty? Can we love him without coddling him? Can we make demands on him without being left? Can we find a balance between giving and taking? Can we receive as graciously as we give?"

"I used to be intrigued by the things that ended relationships. Now I am most fascinated by what allows them to continue. A marriage that lasts is always in a state of metamorphosis. The perfect man transforms the perfect woman. They know each other by their willingness to be transformed."

From Erica Jong's "Fear of Flying"


"Somewhere between the bathroom and the bedroom, somewhere between eating an egg and taking a crap, the muse alights. She does not usually appear where your banal Hollywood notions have led you to most expect her: in a gorgeous sunset over Ischia, in the pounding surf of Big Sur, on a mountaintop in Delphi (right between the navel of the earth and the place where Oedipus killed his papa) -- but she wings in while you are peeling onions or eating eggplant or lining the garbage can with the book-review section of The New York Times. The most interesting modern writers know this. Leopold Bloom fries kidneys, takes a crap, and considers the universe. Ponge sees the soul of man in an oyster (as Blake saw it in a wildflower). Plath cuts her finger and experiences revelation. But Hollywood insists on imagining the artist as a dreamy-eyed matinee idol with a flowing bow tie, Dmitri Tiomkin's music in the background, and a violent orange sunset above his head -- and, to some extent, all of us (even those of us who should know better) try to live up to this image."

Made my day


Jaemark: Hey, nakacommit na ako for two tickets for The Fantasticks ha
Me: YUP! Salamat ha, nalista ko na
Jaemark: Paborito ko pa naman si human torch. can't wait to see him on the stage
Jaemark: "The Fantasticks is a 1960 musical with music by Harvey Schmidt and lyrics by Tom Jones." I can't wait for the human torch to sing delilah.




Ever since my dad resigned/retired, he and my mom have been spending a lot of time together. It's nice to see. I don't remember a time when they were always together, especially when my dad was still working. He always had his own thing and my mom always had hers. I'm a little nervous because although they're married, being together 24/7 can get on anyone's nerves but so far, things have been alright. My mom seems happier and my dad seems healthier and more relaxed. They're planning a new house and it's been keeping them pleasantly occupied.

My college professor once said that married couples always have to be friends because they start out being alone and end up alone, when the children start leading their own lives. My brother and I still live with our parents but we pretty much have our own lives (well, my brother does. I'm still on allowance haha). We don't get to have dinner together as much anymore and I'm sure for a while my mom was frustrated because she was always alone but now that my dad has more time to spend with her, I'm sure she's happier. And when my mom is happier, we are all happier because whether we like it or not, the state of household affairs and harmony revolves around my mother's moods.

Did you get older doing nothing today?


At 3 am this morning, I JUMPED OUT OF BED because for the life of me, I didnt' know if the test I took required "T or F" or "True or False." I frantically texted my classmates and when they said that it was T or F, I tried to go back to bed but couldn't. Instead I woke up at 8 am, the exact same time I've been waking up for the past two weeks because my body was telling me to study. Well, I do have some papers to write but technically, Junior Year is DEAD. It's dead to me.

I need some elaborate pigging out plans. Hopefully involving a beach and/or a fluffy bed.

I have some work to do, though. There's a play I'm marketing and there's a thesis I'm pointedly ignoring but eventually has to be written. For now, though, I'm hellbent on finishing these papers and my oral exam and then trying to salvage what little time I can spend with my boyfriend and fattening up. That's the plan, Stan.



Last night, I was sitting around when my entire body got cold. I jumped under the covers because I was so sure it was a ghost (I've seen it on Magandang Gabi Bayan and all those horror shows) and I didn't want to feel it, much less see it. I kept trying to text Red to tell him about it but I was so scared that if I acknowledge it, something worse would happen. PLUS, knowing him, he'll reply to confirm that YES that is a ghost sitting on your face so it's cold. Man, I hope I was wrong.

Maybe it got mad because I didn't observe Earth Hour.

Hi, guys


Exactly one year ago, I wrote this.

Although I feel pretty much the same, I think I have learned to balance my law school existence into being a good (enough for me) one.

When I was a freshman, I just about killed myself studying. FAIL.
When I was in my second year, I refused to listen to people. FAIL.

Now that I'm on my third year, I believe I have gotten it right.
  1. When I'm sleepy, I go to sleep.
  2. I have a relatively active social life. This means going out with my boyfriend once a week and the odd party, here and there. I realize that this is still puny compared to the others but whatever, it works.
  3. Bad recitations no longer ruin my day and when midterms/finals are near, I give recitation up altogether. I have experienced studying like mad for recitation and then screwing up on written examinations. NOT good.
Aside from that, I have also learned a few things about relationships.
  1. When your boyfriend says he doesn't feel like talking about a fight, YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT THE FIGHT. Two irrational and angry people will never make a connection and will prolong the agony and drain both of you to the bone. And then when the weekend comes, you have to spend most of it making up, partly obliterating the small window of time you could have spent just having fun (a long, hard process but I'm getting there).
  2. Sometimes, you just have to surrender to the fact that you are two different people and he/she will never react the exact same way you want him/her to, and that's fine. He/she doesn't love you any less. It's just different.
  3. Rehashing and analyzing are for girl friends, not boyfriends.
  4. There are certain things you just stop bringing up.
  5. Fights are not the end of the relationship, or the world.
About friendship.
  1. Girl friends are a beautiful thing to have. I used to be a little anti-girl friend, mostly because of their tendency to huddle together and whisper/screech. However, my girl friends are strong, unapologetic little things who neither whisper nor screech. And they were there when I needed someone the most. They were there to blindly agree when I needed them to and to tell me off when I needed them to.
  2. Still not a believer of pleasing everybody and this has served me well over the years. I'm still not friends with everybody in the world and I like it fine.
About myself.
  1. This old dog can still be taught new tricks.
... yeah I think I'll start blogging again.

from Jeanette Winterson


By this I mean that I have come completely towards the understanding of relationship – to a partner, to friends, to work, to life itself, as a negotiation, as a dialogue, as something that always shifts because it must. If it stalls, I have to look past the ‘situation’, however dire, and back to the people who made it. Then there is a chance.

Just something to remember.

Calling all Twilight fans


November 14, 7PM
Fully Booked, High Street
Fort Bonifacio
Ticket prices to be announced soon

In November, women all over the world commemorate what they call "Take Back the Night." (Information here)

Also, the Twilight movie is going to be screened in the Philippines on the 26th so my aunt, working with Kalakasan Foundation, decided to hold an event to celebrate the upcoming film and take advantage of the book's context to talk about violence against women.

There will be movie passes and posters raffled off.

There will also be things like poetry reading, interpretative readings of book excerpts, etc etc.

This will be with the participation of the Twilight Coven (I know, right? Who would have thought we would have one)

The money left over will donated to the family of Tara Santelices.

I admit I have never had any inclinations towards reading Twilight but because I promised to help my aunt, I had to educate myself so... voila. I've read the book (am starting on New Moon as we speak) and believe that this event will be socially relevant to women everywhere. SO if you have any ideas or want to participate, please let me know by emailing me at gossamer @ gmail dot com. Any suggestions are welcome and it would be great if we all came together and helped out.

The event will be hosted by Karen Kunawicz.



August 16, 8pm
Mag:net High Street
Tickets at P150

10 Random facts (crossposted)


  1. I believe Ruffles Cheddar with Sour Cream is the best potato chips flavor on earth, and, borrowing words from Phillip Seymour Hoffman, anyone who thinks otherwise, I will fight to the death.
  2. On that note, I will choose Ruffles over cake, chocolate, ice cream and/or cookies.
  3. Ever since I had my eyes lasered, I have had an extreme dependency on eye drops. I have a whole assortment of them.
  4. I felt genuine panic when I lost my Rules of Court. However, I am also looking forward to buying a new one! Breaking out a new codal is satisfying to me (and to law students everywhere, I'm sure)
  5. I have hyperthyroid, meaning I am on medications for life. Meaning, it's difficult for me to gain weight. Meaning, I have to take blood tests every six months. Meaning, it sucks.
  6. I have never had a mani/pedi in my life and have always wondered what they feel like, since I always cut my own nails. Maybe soon.
  7. It's only recently that I got the chance to get haircuts on my own. My mom always felt the need to watch over my haircuts like a hawk and I have no idea why. She always thinks I'll do something crazy, like *gasp* actually get bangs!
  8. I don't know if I truly like being in law school but I also don't know what I would do, otherwise. Stasis, thy name is Mika.
  9. That said, I have forgotten everything I've learned in my first 2 years of law school.
  10. I really should go back to studying Succession. And shower.

Summer reading


I only read two books this summer: Night and Day by Virginia Woolf and Fear of Flying by Erica Jong.

I cannot recommend both enough.

I just finished Fear of Flying and every woman should read it at least once. I always saw it at Booksale and always always passed it by for some other book and now I regret not reading it sooner. Yes it's about love, relationships, self-discovery, and all the other things that all the other books offer but damn if it isn't brutally honest.

Red was reading it over my shoulder and I shut it so quickly I was so embarrassed, it felt like he was reading my diary.

Of course some people will disagree but read it anyway.

Avenue Q Final Run


I'm selling tickets for the June 17 show! Please email me for inquiries

gossamer AT gmail DOT com

Tickets go for 1,300, 1,100, 1000 and 500. Thank you!

Here's an interesting story


Last night I was on the elevator going down from my friend's place when we saw a bright-eyed little boy with what looked to be his very young mother. When the elevator stopped, the mother made as if to leave and I honestly thought she was blind because the little boy (who looked to be around 8 years old, give or take) held on to her and said "No mom, not yet." I thought, what a sweet little boy.

And then I saw that the mother was barefoot. She was really pretty but her eyes were half-closed and was stumbling all over the place. When we stepped into the elevator, the boy told us, "Sorry she's not feeling well." This was about the time that we realized that the mother was not sick but DRUGGED OUT OF HER FRICKIN' MIND. Not drunk. Drugged. She asked her son for a cigarette and then proceeded to put it in her mouth upside down. Her son put it in the right way (Sorry I'm not a smoker I don't know the terms) and when the mom asked him a lighter, he said "I think we left it, Mom."

At this point I was just staring at the floor wide-eyed in disbelief. The kid was looking at us in a strange, bright-eyed way. It wasn't that he was mad or anything. He was wondering what we were thinking of his mother and he was putting on a front as if to say "HEY everything's fine! My mom's fine! I'm fine!" and looked like he was just so used to covering up for her. It was the saddest thing. When the elevator reached the lobby, the son, again, held on to his mother and said "Here Mom, we're on the ground floor already."

I seriously wanted to rub his back or something but I was so scared the mom would freak out and claw at my face.

Oh, the mother is (well, was) a D-list actress with the initials C.V.

It was just really sad. What a life for that very well-mannered boy.




Cross posted


May I just say that I love Zithromax and all its 3-day glory. I have finals coming up and I have the stirrings of a full-on flu and because I can't be bothered with 5 days of forgetting, I now only have to deal with 3! Hurrah!

I'm still not all better but it's a big improvement from yesterday where I felt and sounded like I had buckets and buckets of phlegm.

I love you, Zithromax. And Claritin. And Benadryl. And Sinutab (Extra Strength). And Decolgen (non-drowsy).

Oh and of course, I love you Thyrax. Without you I would still think I had Parkinson's disease and a golf ball in my throat.


Good riddance, school year


The school year is heaving its last breath and to say that I am ecstatic is an understatement.

It's been toxic in more ways than one - academically, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have forgotten a lot of things about the world and myself and I intend to reacquaint myself with both.

I like what I'm learning and I intend to do my best to finish what I started (not that I'm very good at it) but there are so many days when I just want to up and leave. The environment is just too much for me.

A few reminders: I am infinitely more interesting than what I am in law school. The world moves in much more relevant ways than it does in law school. There are so much more kinds of people than the ones in law school - they are wittier, more genuine and on a whole other plane of maturity that I have so inconveniently forgotten.

I have to realign my senses as to who I really am and classify what feelings are truly mine as opposed to the feelings that I was merely suckered into experiencing. It has been too negative a semester and I hate far too many people (myself, included) than is considered healthy.

There have been blessings, of course. People I have come to love and old friends that I appreciate so much more, now that I realize that, dammit, there are only a handful of people that I am willing to be with.

I cannot wait for this semester to end and I cannot wait for the real world to start, even just for 2 months. I really need a fucking break.

P.S. Of course I'm not talking about EVERYONE in law school. I don't have a superiority complex. Just semi-bad experiences with people. I wish it were a bigger place so it would be easier to ignore but as it is, everyone is confined and exposed to everyone else's negative vibes.

The Ensure Challenge: Round 56


Even if it's really difficult to gain weight while I'm on a relatively high dosage of Thyrax (thyroid medication), the doctor suggested that I drink Ensure twice a day. This was a year ago, and I've been on and off Ensure because I really despise the stuff. It tastes too much like milk and it makes me want to vomit. However, since it's 2008 and I have no resolutions at all, I have decided to give Ensure another try.

What's funny is that my mother, in her almost manic attempt at getting me to drink Ensure everyday, suggested that I use the Starbucks thermos so it will look more "encouraging" (her words, not mine).

What's funnier is that it worked. So let's go, ten pounds!

Another muse for a tragic love song


It's sad to have to fall short when you both try to give each other the world.

We tried, and I'm sorry.

I've been feeling like Charlie Brown these days...


(image) ... So here's a nice strip.

I hate midterms


Someone should do a study on how much people change during testing periods. In my school alone, you would come up with a lot of character profiles.

Some people just won't shut up.

Some people think they're much better than everyone else and, yes, they STILL won't shut up.

Some people, even if they have the intention of helping you out, come across as being annoyingly patronizing.

Some people huddle together and try to outdo one another with how much they know .

Some people just want to be left alone.

I consider myself as one of the people who want to be left alone but when I do ask questions, I don't want any hoity toity tones like "Oh my god, you don't even know that?" or "Oh my god, I told you I told you" or "No no no no." If I'm wrong, tell me why and then shut up. Don't go into a whole tirade about it because it pisses me off.

And it's a curious thing - how people go from being mad silent to SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS and/or whining when they get out of the testing room. Well, okay, yeah I'm one of those.

I wish it would be over so people and the whole vibe would go back to normal. The air is so thick with competition and the desire to one-up everyone, I could spoon it up and have it for breakfast.

Show and tell


(image) This picture was taken 2004.

My brother was a law school sophomore and I was a couple of months out of college (and teaching in Ateneo Grade School, I think).

I was laughing at him because he was studying for Property on a Sunday.

3 years later, I find myself in the exact same situation.

Life sure has a funny way of sneaking up on you.