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Preview: untitledlife


One girl's struggle to escape her fat pants.

Last Build Date: Wed, 19 Apr 2017 13:29:35 +0000


An update of sorts.

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 02:33:48 +0000

So I guess the writing has been a little spotty for the past year. What can I say. I’m kind of an all-or-nothing girl, which is something I need to change — for a lot of reasons (food being one of them). It’s good for my well-being to write. So I’m going to write when … Continue reading An update of sorts.

The definition of fierce.

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 04:03:51 +0000

So I haven’t posted in months. Well, if anyone is out there, you shall be rewarded with this. Now I know what untitledhusband and I will be wearing for Halloween this year. I wonder how he’ll feel about dropping from the ceiling like that. Thanks to Perez Hilton for posting this.

My mother, the twat.

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 15:30:54 +0000

All of you with kids – does your mother charge you for babysitting? I’m not talking regular sitting, because that, in my mind, would call for some remuneration. I’m talking once-in-a-blue-moon sitting. In fact, this is only the second time we’ve ever asked untitledmother to watch untitledson in all of his four years. I’ve got to ask, because untitledmother recently charged me $100 for watching untitledson for one week. It was during a Montessori sabbatical, and the sitter we had lined up bailed at the last minute. We were in a major bind.

Easter Monday.

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 18:55:13 +0000

I am not dead. Life’s just gotten away from me here… but I promise I’m still around. I am working on a longer post for tomorrow, but until then, here’s a teaser of what’s up: I am fine (now down to 267 pounds, bitches). I am wearing size 22 pants (used to wear size 34). … Continue reading Easter Monday.

Do these shorts hide my thunder?

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 02:15:36 +0000

I have also been surprised at how I have taken to exercise. I work out 4-5 days each week, doing 32 minutes on the elliptical, and about 15-20 minutes of weights. It's not a leisurely workout, with me reading Good Housekeeping or something. I really get after it. The proof is in my hair. When I return to work after my lunchtime workout, I look like a truckstop whore who bathes in a bathroom sink. untitledhusband would say that's completely unrelated to my workout, bless his heart.

The joy of socks.

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 03:41:53 +0000

This revelation has me awaiting the return of thigh-highs -- socks that would make even the thinnest of legs look like paunchy, cottony Greek columns. Socks that could double as Wilt Chamberlin's sleeping bag. They would protect my inner thighs from the inevitable chafe of my early morning spins on the elliptical. I would gladly rock the look of the fat chick from Meatballs if it meant I could forego the Gold Bond for just one summer. But being an overweight 36 year-old from the Midwest, I fear my vision might be misinterpreted as high-functioning autism or worse yet, fashion ignorance.

Open wounds.

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 21:06:15 +0000

When we go to untitledson’s soccer games, I can feel his apprehension when he realizes that he knows nothing about sports. I see how he avoids getting oil changes on his car. Talking to the mechanic reminds him just how little he knows about things that a father teaches a son. When he says that he is so over his dad, I nod and smile, knowing that being fatherless has damaged him in ways he can neither comprehend nor admit.

Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think?

Fri, 25 May 2007 12:29:05 +0000

Now that he’s not running for re-election, it is a free-for-all at the pump. Bill never would’ve let this happen. Bill would’ve had Ann Coulter personally siphon every last vehicle in Dubai with her mouth before letting gas prices get this high (and she would’ve liked it).

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

Wed, 23 May 2007 12:03:32 +0000

Did y'all hear that the Duggars are pregnant again -- with their 17th child? Discuss.

Mother of the year.

Mon, 21 May 2007 12:14:56 +0000

“You must, under NO circumstances, EVER share this with anyone. ANYONE. Especially vindictive and jealous untitledsister-in-law. If you ever do tell, know that I will confiscate all those bottles of unused fat burning pills of yours – the ones you spent my college fund on – crush them and make you snort them like Keith Richards at his father’s funeral. Do you understand?