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Comments on: Mommy Dearest

In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set.

Last Build Date: Sat, 17 Feb 2018 22:48:41 +0000


By: irenekaoru

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 14:38:21 +0000

Great and interesting post. I happened to link to it on my blag and my male friends completely lost their isht. Yikes.

By: Alix

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 04:21:30 +0000

my father was the one telling me that I needed to lose weight (even though he himself was rather overweight).
Yup, same here. He kept it up all throughout my highschool years - going on about how I needed to eat healthy, when my problems with corn and later wheat basically mandated that I ate healthier than he did, going on about how I needed to exercise more when I walked a mile to and from school each day on a bum knee, and he did nothing - and then we went on a hike. He was profoundly humiliated when his overweight daughter had the stamina to complete the hike without breathing hard, despite walking twice as fast as he did and not stopping for breaks. He kept stopping every mile or so. Yeah, he hasn't brought up my weight since. And that little story brings up my other problem with discussions on weight - I am overweight. I look it. Yet I can hike ten miles without batting an eye (unless my knee takes a funny turn); I regularly carry 40-lb. boxes of books and papers around at work with no trouble (except when my boss scared me and I dropped one on her foot...). Weight is not the be-all end-all of good health, dammit!

By: Linnaeus

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 20:49:40 +0000

“Red, huh? Does the carpet match the drapes?”
Wow. I can hardly imagine anything more inappropriate for a father to ask a daughter.

By: zuzu

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 20:47:07 +0000

“Red, huh? Does the carpet match the drapes?”
Oh. Ew. EWWWW.


Tue, 20 Mar 2007 20:32:09 +0000

I dated a guy who was decidedly messed up by his opposite-sex parent. She had been, to begin with, messed up by her same-sex parent, who (among other, really horrible, V.C.-Andrews weird stuff) constantly hounded and humiliated her about her weight. She vowed that she'd never do that to her kids and ultimately set (subconsciously) to raising the two heaviest kids she could, to the point of feeding them extra-fatty meat and dairy and discouraging them from exercising. And then she tried to teach them, "Your outside doesn't matter; everyone will love you for your inside," which worked until said guy got to school and discovered that, no, they'll definitely make fun of you for your outside. Both kids also got the, "Never worry about what other people think of you" lecture, which eventually devolved into "Never worry about what other people think, full stop" and occasionally "Never worry about what other people feel." The guy eventually got over the eating thing (he had to completely re-learn how to eat, because he literally didn't know how to eat healthy food), and to my knowledge, he still hasn't gotten his head straightened out about all of the rest of it. So yeah, "be skinny" messages from the same-sex parent can be harmful, but the opposite ain't any better.

By: Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 19:58:46 +0000

Oh, cheezus I'm getting flashbacks. Yeah, it was my dad who messed me up, not my mom. Mom was always sympathetic and nonjudgmental about my appearance, whatever weight I was at. I try to go at least a year between meetings with my raging misogynist father (whom I love anyway), but whenever I see him he has to comment on my appearance: "You've gained weight!" "You'll put an eye out with those." "You're not as fat as you were the last time I saw you." "Red, huh? Does the carpet match the drapes?" Hey dad, if you're reading this, I'M NOT FAT. They are called breasts. Please shut up and perhaps do something about that watermelon hanging over your belt instead. Put in your hearing aid and your false teeth and stop making comments about my looks. AHHRHAGHGHRRRRRRRRR

By: Rhiannon

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 15:23:17 +0000

eh heh... I mean I was raised ONLY by my very egocentric father... My mother skipped out when I was five (mental complications resulting from untreated PPD/societal crap/crazy mother-in-law... - one of these days I'm gonna write a book.)

By: Rhiannon

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 15:16:46 +0000

while my father was the one telling me that I needed to lose weight (even though he himself was rather overweight).
Heh.. my father did that to me once. And only once. (He made some obscure remark about my thighs were getting bigger and I laid into him so viciously ... I'm not certain he even allows himself to think about my weight anymore...) I really think that dad's do more damage to a daughter's self-esteem than mothers (then again I was raised by a very egocentric father so my POV is very biased). My father's idea of encouraging me to reach for the stars was to 1-up any of my accomplishments with tales of how he did so much better when he was my age... (I won an award for singing and he brings up how he was accepted/offered a scholarship to Julliard but for some reason didn't go. I graduate with a 3.0 avg and he tells me how he was accepted to Harvard *but at the time mistook it for a rejection letter and so never went. I work on my drawings and come to him to show off and he tells me everything I did wrong and how he could've done it better.) *handtohead* yeah, that's going to build my self esteem and encourage me to reach higher... riiiight.

By: Thorn

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 09:08:38 +0000

Maybe it’s time to take a break from bashing the media and start to take a long, hard look instead at the issue of mothers’ sexuality, which is, apparently, after a long and well-documented dormancy, enjoying a kind of rebirth — thanks, it is said, to things like pole dancing classes and sports club stripteases. These new evening antics of the erstwhile book club set are supposed to be fabulous because they give sexless moms a new kind of erotic identity. But what a disaster they really are: an admission that we’ve failed utterly, as adult women, to figure out what it means to look and feel sexy with dignity.
Wow. Virgin/whore anyone? Moms get to be "sexless" or pole-dancers, and somehow this is something we've chosen? She must be right, I know all the other moms at playgroup are just thrilled to the teeth at this chance at a "new kind of erotic identity" - we just can't wait to sign up to be MILFs! [/sarc] Seriously, the sexuality of mothers has not changed (my grandmother had one of the most extensive collections of Harlequin romances I've ever seen outside of a store, obviously five kids was not keeping her imagination down) - the change has been in the perception of maternal sexuality in our larger culture (i.e. the media), especially in recent years. Yes, now mothers are more likely to be seen as sexual beings, which is good, but not if it only forces us to add more things to our To Do Lists: - Bake cupcakes for school bake sale - Pick kids up from soccer practice - Learn to tie knot in cherry stem with teeth I have to say, I keep going back to that first sentence in the block I quoted and marvelling at her saying we should stop bashing the media about turning young girls into sex objects, since a simple perusal of the usual sensationalist news sources informs us that mothers are sex objects too nowadays. And clearly, since mothers hold so much power in this world - what with our paltry array of choices as far as work/life balance, being discriminated against in the work place, and being the star players in the new national pastime of Criticize Other Women's Parenting - we must be completely in charge of our new status as sex objects, and it must all be going completely according to our plan. Sorry if anyone's feet got wet in that last wave of sarcasm. Anyway. As a total side note to cd, I'm really glad for you, that pregnancy helped heal so many of your body issues. I had a similar feeling during pregnancy, that lasted for a while after my twins were born, but um... I kinda lost it during that first winter of twin infants and living on Hot Pockets and frozen waffles. :/ It's okay, I remember what it felt like - I'll get it back one of these days. I just wanted to say 'good for you' and wish you all the best in continuing to teach your daughter to not fall prey to the BS that surrounds us and tries to teach us to be less than we really are. :)

By: cd

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 18:50:54 +0000

I have been large/fat since I was about twelve. I weighed 145 in my early twenties, 165 in my late twenties and 185 in my thirties. At each place I have hated myself more and realized I wasn't so bad off in the last place. Then I became pregnant. My body did amazing things. For the first time that I was conscious of, I trusted my body and believed wholeheartedly in what it could do. I have carried that feeling forward with me now, of love or veneration, for the power of my body. My health would be better if I made some dietary changes in my life, but now I don't hate my body and I never talk of it in a bad way. I sincerely hope that I can pass this on to my daughter, so that whether she is thin, fat or inbetween she will know that she is powerful and beautiful.