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Preview: Comments on the imponderabilia of actual life: "Happy Housewives" and the Cult of Domesticity in ...

Comments on the imponderabilia of actual life: "Happy Housewives" and the Cult of Domesticity in the 21st Century





Updated: 2017-10-25T20:49:43.933-04:00

 



As someone who was on her forum for years and one ...

2009-04-15T15:51:00.000-04:00

As someone who was on her forum for years and one of many just recently banned for reasons that no one can understand or comprehend I can say that what goes on behind the scenes with Darla and her head forum moderator is quite underhanded.

They read the ladies private messages, they ban people just for debating or questioning Darla or her cohort. To top it off they now have a new agenda, and if you do not follow along with the program you're booted right out on your behind.



i've read enough of the book to return it to the l...

2008-07-20T17:10:00.000-04:00

i've read enough of the book to return it to the library and save myself from wasting anymore time.

to darla and her followers who are now posting here. the thing i don't like about the book isn't about some of darla's intentions. it's about how she goes about doing it.

with her 'club' (aka online forum which i use to be a part of), they feed into the mommy-war but judging mothers who want to work, making unfair, generalized statements without actually taking into consideration that parenting is something that involves not-so black and white answers. and that different solutions work for different people.

nope - these women claim that if you don't do it their way, it's the wrong way. and that you're not doing your job as a woman/mother.

it's not about feminism. it's about people who are narrow minded and stubborn as well as too insecure to be able to admit that their way is NOT always the right way.

also, the way the book reads is more for women who need to be told waht to do.

most strong women i know don't work this way - they like to read suggestions/guidelines that will help them educate themselves before making the right decision.

so for those strong women out there - this book may be too condescending for you.

but if you want a light entertaining read for a good laugh, go to the library and save yourself the money.

if darla really wants to put herself out there with her beliefs, she needs to be able to act like a professional if she wants to swim the the professionals.

darla - learn to take some critisizm. if you can't take it then you shouldn't have opened your mouth at all.



Good Job!: )

2008-06-16T13:15:00.000-04:00

Good Job!: )



I have so MANY issues with this book. I've detaile...

2008-06-08T13:13:00.000-04:00

I have so MANY issues with this book. I've detailed them out in my own blog, located at http://mrshomemaker.blogspot.com

This woman is an anorexic - she claims to be 118 lbs and that - according to her - is 15 lbs OVER-WEIGHT. If being over 100 lbs is "overweight" to this woman, she has major issues.

And communicating with your husband is over-rated? Jealous much, Darla, that other women's husbands come home at godly hours?

BLEH!



You didn't like it yet you have it linked to Amazo...

2008-04-24T21:12:00.000-04:00

You didn't like it yet you have it linked to Amazon with an affiliate link so you will make money when someone buys it. Sounds as contradictory as Darla Shine! But you are right on about the contradictions, but as far as the 'man parts' (pardon the pun) of the book, I read those bits to my husband and he nodded in agreement! I found parts of the book irritating, but it did help me find more pride in my 'job' as a stay at home mom (I'm a part time WAHM also with my own business) and I have tried harder lately to make our home more enjoyable and do small little things to show every family member they are special. Even if someone thinks that 99% of the book is evil, if you get even 1% that you find useful and you can put that to work, do so. It's at the library too, so you don't have to buy it to get the 1% of info you can use.



I LOVED that review. You are dead on.

2007-05-09T13:15:00.000-04:00

I LOVED that review. You are dead on.



Darla IS a piece of work. I couldn't help feeling ...

2007-04-02T23:51:00.000-04:00

Darla IS a piece of work. I couldn't help feeling as I read through the ENTIRE book (what a waste of time) that she's quite an angry, self deceiving woman. Let's pray for HER. [rolls eyes]



The last comment was no doubtedly Darla herself......

2007-02-15T13:35:00.000-05:00

The last comment was no doubtedly Darla herself... read any of her posts in her forum and you'll recognize the style. Take it from someone who knows her personally, this woman is a piece of work. Most of her friends can't stand her which is why she is throwing herself into this "cause." She is one crazy lady and I feel sorry that people are being sucked in by this superficial callous woman.



Hi, I just wanted to say that if you girls are soo...

2006-05-25T17:03:00.000-04:00

Hi, I just wanted to say that if you girls are soooo opininated and all then why are you putting your two cents in over something that you hav'nt even bothered to read? Also, nowhere in the book did I see where Darla has expressed that she was Republican?? I do hope that you have a good friend that will tell you to snap out of it when you have looked like total crap for days on end. And, since when is it a crime to have sex with your husband and look pretty? I feel sorry for your husbands, but that's why they are all probably having affairs on you. Why did you even have kids if you don't want any part in raising them?? You guys are too sad. I really do feel sorry for you and I will put you on prayer list at church.



I think its very interesting that she has no probl...

2006-03-21T17:40:00.000-05:00

I think its very interesting that she has no problem disregarding and attacking feminism yet profitted from it through a successful career before being a mom and now after...it wasn't too long ago that not very many women had successful careers...period! And why is it that people think you can't be a feminist AND pro-mother, to me they can't be separtated. Also I saw her on FOX news and wanted to throw the romote at the TV! She contrived the idea that many mothers NEED to work. She laughed saying something like how it might be about not driving the new SUV, making sacrifices in order to stay home. What if its about paying the electric bill or buying food. I just feel like she almost completely side steps this issue (poor mothers) because it is so far from her reality. Her husband is an exec. with FOX NEWS.
She wants to expound on the importance of being a stay-at-home Mom and holds herself up to that ideal, I guess when she isn't writing her book or promoting it, or doing her talk show or managing and responding to her website. What bothers me the most about the book, is that is promotes divisivness between women, always drawing that line between the women that work and the ones that don't...give me a break. Why don't we support each other regardless. I'm glad for anyone that is book might have "helped" but for me it was a reminder that my college learned feminism needs some real life expression..UGH!



From what I gather, the type of language used in t...

2006-02-16T11:35:00.000-05:00

From what I gather, the type of language used in this book seems similiar to [URL=http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0671524313/103-1506484-0699843?v=glance&n=283155]The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy[/URL]



Just came here via 11D. I am so glad you read that...

2006-01-30T10:59:00.000-05:00

Just came here via 11D. I am so glad you read that book so I don't have to, yet I can still ridicule it. Now my big fat ass in yoga pants, no make up and an old t-shirt will know to watch for the skinny well dressed broad that wants to clip me in the store with her shopping cart.



I enjoyed reading "Happy Housewives". No I'm not ...

2006-01-25T21:31:00.000-05:00

I enjoyed reading "Happy Housewives". No I'm not rich or Republican. There are a lot of good points made in the book and in the couple of weeks since reading it and applying it to my life, I've noticed a big change and so has my husband. My daughter is even happier. Embracing motherhood and being a FT homemaker has really turned my life around for the better. I work in the entertainment industry and there is no such thing as an 8 hour day. I started feeling guilty when my daughter turned one even though I worked out of my home...you can only hit Baby Einstein "Repeat Play" so many times. After the last project wrapped, I started panicking because I didn't want to face being a "housewife" FT. I started feeling desperate. Darla's book came to me at the right time. I had some good laughs reading the book and do feel a lot better about life.



The blog entry is grand.The comments are grand, to...

2006-01-25T12:25:00.000-05:00

The blog entry is grand.

The comments are grand, too.

I love the cadre of benevolent yes-girls chiming in here.

Sandy, thumbs up.



I am grateful for "Happy Housewives." I was an at...

2006-01-24T20:02:00.000-05:00

I am grateful for "Happy Housewives." I was an attorney earning six figures when I decided to stay home with my baby. I was feeling resentful, unappreciated, and, well, desparate until I read this book. It made me realize that what I was doing was respectful and important. It helped me change my whole attitude towards my husband from resentful to grateful.

I think that a lot of moms feel guilty about working and don't want to admit that they should be at home with their kids. Since this book gets right to the heart of a very sensitive issue, there is no wonder so many people are angry about it. But if it weren't true, it wouldn't stike such nerves.

I wish there were more support for SHA moms like this.



I don't give my husband blow jobs (just a personal...

2006-01-23T15:48:00.000-05:00

I don't give my husband blow jobs (just a personal preference), but if some sex gets him to be more open to things I want to buy, what the hey. I'll buy what I want anyway, if I need it, but it is so sweet when he just wants to buy it for me. Like it or not, men do feel very close to you and want to do things for you (help with the housework, fill your gas tank) and buy you things (flowers, a nice card, etc.) when they feel close to you. This isn't a new idea. I've read it in other books. It doesn't make sense (because men have sex with women they hardly know), but men equate closeness and intimacy with sex. It sucks (no pun intended), but it is reality. How many men cheat on their wives in a sexless realtionship? Not too many. I'm all girl--- don't have an ounce of testosterone in me. I have a college degree, did not marry until I was thirty and know perfectly well that I can take care of myself if I need to, but I still like my guy to pamper and spoil me a bit. So sue me! I pamper and spoil him too--that's where all of Darla's stuff come into play. It works for me. My husband claims he's crazy about me and even with my fat ass. Sorry, all this feminism vs old fashioned girl bickering is starting to strike me as quite funny. I'm getting giddy. I just can't get all riled up over it. I still have all my rights and I appreciate the girls that came before me and fought for them. This crap is samll potatoes. Thanks for the fun.



Oy vey. I like the part when she advises her frie...

2006-01-22T12:09:00.000-05:00

Oy vey. I like the part when she advises her friend to use sex in order to manipulate her husband into buying her things. And she claims that it's FEMINISTS who don't respect homemakers?



Shorter anonymous:"Why don't you think it's funny ...

2006-01-22T01:03:00.000-05:00

Shorter anonymous:

"Why don't you think it's funny when I blame every societal ill -- real or imaginery -- on feminism? Something is clearly wrong with you!"



Hello out there...though I have never been a part ...

2006-01-21T23:43:00.000-05:00

Hello out there...though I have never been a part of any 'blog' I couldn't help but respond to the "haters" out there who have and have not read Happy Housewives. You're talking to a well-paid career woman, turned full time mom and homemaker --and I'm not ashamed to add homemaker to the list--I find so many of you just want to say you're 'stay at home moms' and leave off the home maker part for fear of the exact same kind of riducule you're giving to Darla Shine in her new book.
Can you all just lighten up a little bit and stop taking this stuff so seriously. If you could remove some of the societal prejudices you've obviously subscribed to, you might open your minds to the fact that the "feminist movement", while giving birth to incredible equality rights for women, also bore a skyrocketing divorce rate. And, need I mention the fact that violence in schools has become unbelievably more prevalent, the pregnancy and suicide rate among teens has more than doubled, and the rate of missing and exploited children is astounding. Maybe if we focused a little more on the future citizens of our world (our babies) as well as the men we love we'd find what a difference we really could make. Is it so bad to feel happy about showing love for your family by taking care of them? And, how nice for so many of us who feel so much guilt if we take any time for ourselves, to get a little friendly "permission" from a fellow mommy/homemaker to do so! And as far as the "what about part-time work?" and other comments...what do you think Shine is doing? You don't consider writing a book part-time work? Lets give our fellow mothers, women, sisters a little more credit okay? --Laura B.



Naomi,There is a lot of anger in your post and I j...

2006-01-21T10:30:00.000-05:00

Naomi,

There is a lot of anger in your post and I just have to wonder why? Ok, so your not jealous. Darla's premise of the book is to embrace your role as a wife and mother. Stay at home with your kids if you can. Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean everything is down hill - you need to be proud of it as a profession and not let what others say make you feel bad...

I am one of Darla's fans, and of course I am going to rise up and defend the message that she is trying to get out. I think that if someone takes what she has said in the wrong context, of course I need to step up and try to clarify - because I believe in what she is trying to do, which is empower the SAHM's to be the best. It isn't a political issue, we love our children, and our husbands... she just has identified some of the challenges we face and how she chose to work with those challenges instead of against them.

So, cool down, read the book for yourself with an open mind and see if you can't glean some useful information from it...



Sure, I'm a fan. Because the book made an impact ...

2006-01-21T08:09:00.000-05:00

Sure, I'm a fan. Because the book made an impact on me. I sure didn't feel like anyone else was reaching out with that message but she was at the time I happened to walk by the book in a bookstore. So, for me, she started "my" conversation. And, her book started this one. FYI, I have been watching a few blogs after Googling her name.

I do have a very involved husband who looks after the kids when I go away for the weekend to visit girlfriends. That's my situation. It's obviously not hers and that's her life. I guess I just don't get why the harshness in some of the replies. Saying you wouldn't trade places with any of "us" is so harsh. You don't know anything about me. This is not a university textbook and I would guess she didn't mean it to be --- this book is written from one person's perspective and, to me, overall it is trying to make a positive change. I walk away with something positive and on I go. Have a great day.



And why is Darla sending her fans to this blog to ...

2006-01-21T02:17:00.000-05:00

And why is Darla sending her fans to this blog to insist that she's not saying, in her book, what she says in her book?

Also, I want to clarify one thing. As a stay-at-home mother and housewife who is married to a man who loves his children and wants to spend time with them, I feel really sorry for women who ended up married to men who can't take care of their own kids for an hour or two. Not jealous. Nothing in this world could convince me to trade places with any of you. But if it makes you feel better to say that my criticism of Darla's book must be jealousy, well, go right on ahead thinking that. Whatever gets you through your day.



Because she's not saying, "My husband works really...

2006-01-21T02:07:00.000-05:00

Because she's not saying, "My husband works really long hours, and therefore doesn't spend much time with the kids." She's saying, "Ladies, I advise you to leave the baby with your girlfriend or your mother instead of your husband. ... Men are just not capable of [improvising]. Sorry, guys." She's presenting this problem as a universal: basic parenting competence should not be expected of men, as a category.



Naomi, I read the book and I think you might be mi...

2006-01-21T01:19:00.000-05:00

Naomi, I read the book and I think you might be missing some things. For one thing, Darla Shine's husband is rarely home during the week (he works until well after the kids are in bed most evenings). I don't think it's bizarre or that he's a jerk if after spending that little amount of time with an infant, he might be at a loss when left alone with him (or her). He might be a jerk, for all I would know, but this one anecdote doesn't prove that.

My husband spends all kinds of time with our kids -- he's a good dad and does housework and everything, but you know what? He HATED being left alone with our kids before they were at least a year or so old.

While I didn't relate entirely to her anecdote (because I'm not living her life with her husband), I just don't see why it's so offensive.



And in terms of the comments about the husband bei...

2006-01-20T23:38:00.000-05:00

And in terms of the comments about the husband being a jerk. Well, I think if you really thought about it you might not be so quick to judge. My husband and I talk about the confidence it takes to care for children. He likes to stay involved as much as he can so he doesn't lose that confidence because we hold a lot of information about our kids' quirks and minutia that they may not know. Give the guy a break.

And ladies, I advise you to leave the baby with your girlfriend or your mother instead of your husband [snipped out story about her getting highlights and getting called by her dh five times]…You get the idea, girls? I would have had a very peaceful afternoon if my mother or Dana had taken care of the kids. They would have improvised. Men are just not capable of that. Sorry, guys.

Not knowing every bit of the minutae is one thing. But if the husband Darla describes is your husband? If you arrange a sitter because he can't handle lunch, diaper changes, and a few hours of entertainment? If you laugh knowingly and say, "Oh yeah, TOTALLY," and believe that this is just The Way Men Are? You've been sold a bill of goods. Sorry, girls.

And is the Important Conversation the idea that being a stay-at-home mother is a worthwhile and valuable job? Because you're giving Darla waaaaaaaay too much credit if you think this topic originated with her.