2006-10-16T14:02:08.010-07:00If nothing else, this should be entertaining.
2006-08-04T08:19:09.646-07:00Well, it's finally happened. Jim Hendry's stupid confidence in Dusty Baker has caused me to do something drastic to end this nonsense. I'm going to start smoking in protest. That's right, Jim Hendry. From this day forth, each day that Dusty Baker is the manager of the Chicago Cubs, I am going to smoke a cigarette.I'm not a smoker, Jim. I'm not going to enjoy it. My hair, clothes, and breath will
2006-08-03T11:29:52.853-07:00shamelessly stolen from ARMY MEN, the Harvard Lampoon publication from the mid 1980s. I remember I was hammering on a fence in the west pasture when Papa approached. He was carrying a letter or something in his hand, and he looked worried. I continued to hammer as he came toward me. "Son," he said, "why are you hammering on that fence? It already has plenty of nails in it." "Oh, I’m not
2006-07-13T18:02:15.420-07:00Time to blow it up. Go ahead Jimbo! Yehaaaw.
2006-07-12T12:51:22.766-07:00From the Houston Chronicle.Chicago Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano had to be taken for X-rays and was deemed unavailable to pitch Tuesday after being struck on his throwing elbow by a fungo bat swung by Joey Cora. I am without speech.In other news, Ned Flanders, (a dead ringer for Paul Reuschel**) is reportedly interested in the Cubs Manager position, should Dusty Baker be let go. "Obviously,
2006-07-11T22:23:22.893-07:00PITTSBURGH--After spending almost four full seasons of his Major League baseball career in the Cubs' organization, Cubs starter Carlos Zambrano has had enough. On Monday, soon after arriving in Pittsburgh for the All-Star Game, the Venezuelan superstar defected to the National League All-Star team.Zambrano's decision came mere hours after the Cubs defeated Milwaukee to win the series with the
2006-05-24T13:26:40.766-07:00Hey Cubs fans, I know things are bleak, but listen to this, and turn that frown upside-down.
2006-04-21T11:06:43.046-07:00I knew things were bad when I got offered Jeremy Reed for Derrek Lee in my fantasy league, and I wasn't sure if it was a joke.
2006-04-10T09:35:56.560-07:00Sweep baby. Yes.
2006-04-07T12:26:33.080-07:00Cubs General Manager Jim Hendry received extensions today, in a move that drew mixed reviews. The fear among Cub fans is that Dusty Baker is next, now that Hendry has his extensions. "We were satisfied with what Jim has done since taking over in 2003," said President Andy McPhail, "but we felt he needed to spruce up his image a bit, so we decided to offer him extensions."Hendry said he isn't
2006-04-07T15:59:41.236-07:00All I can say is, Wood and Prior cannot get back soon enough. Glendon Rusch gave new meaning to the term "Number Two Starter" in the Cubs' 8-6 loss to the Cincinnati Reds. He managed to give up a homerun to Reds pitcher, Bronson Arroyo, who had never hit a homerun before he faced the G-unit. Infact, before Wednesday, Arroyo had barely hit anything at all. He had a total of 4 hits in 55 career at
2006-04-07T15:47:03.996-07:00CHICAGO--Friday's 2006 home opener for the Chicago Cubs was soured by the news that the Cubs had been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention. The news came after the entire 25-man rosters of the St. Louis Cardinals, Milwaukee Brewers, and Houston Astros all survived the opening week of the season without dying."Well, it's disappointing," Cubs manager Dusty Baker said. "When you look
2006-04-02T18:02:06.340-07:00I got my haircut yesterday, and you know what that means. It's time for some baseball analysis and the inside scoop from everyones favorite barber, Osvaldo.To be honest, Osvaldo hasn't had any juicy gossip for me in quite some time. All I got was that that Alfonso Soriano is hooking up Octavio Dotel with his old house, and that Pedro Martinez likes to drink, a lot. But the best news is that I
2006-03-16T17:05:53.553-08:00Like any able-minded Cub fan, I've been skeptical of Prior's health for months, so it comes as no surprise that he left Mesa to visit our friend Dr. Lewis Yokum today. There has been several signs that this day would come: the Will Carroll article, the delayed spring training starts, the Steve Stone comments, the fact that he wasn't even asked to be on the WBC roster for team USA, the line drive
2006-02-28T22:17:22.256-08:00(That's Barry Bonds in the middle)
2006-02-28T22:12:59.866-08:00So that's it?Sammy's done? (ESPN link)Just like that?This is a sad way to end things.He wasn't supposed leave baseball by sneaking out the back door, humiliated.Well, goodbye Sammy.The last few years have been ugly, but I'll always have far more good memories than bad.
2006-02-01T23:07:54.076-08:00Today is my birthday, and just for fun I decided to check to see which active baseball players share the same birthday.Guess who? None other than Kent Mercker and Hector Luna.Not as exciting as I had hoped.
2006-04-02T19:02:43.966-07:00Jim Hendry washed down a krispy kreme with 3 shots of Jack Daniels, shouted "what the hell," and signed RHP Wade Miller to a 1 year 1 million dollar contract with incentives yesterday. Miller also demanded that the Cubs provide him with his own personal simulated catcher. Way to go Jim. Seriously, nice move...I guess. It's a gamble that the cubs can certainly afford to make considering their
2006-01-20T13:59:03.333-08:00BDCBP is proud to announce our newest member, Bad Kermit.You may know him from Fire Dusty Baker or Cubs Colored Glasses, and we are happy to have him aboard.Welcome.
2006-01-24T10:17:06.986-08:00CHICAGO—A much-publicized trade rumor finally came to fruition Friday when ten-year-old Jason Billington of Evanston, Illinois traded his near-mint condition Topps 2002 Mark Prior rookie card to twelve-year-old Baltimore resident, Phillip Ramone. Billington received in exchange a faded and dog-eared Miguel Tejada 2005 Studio Portraits Donruss Zenith card. Rumors swirled that the card may have
2006-01-20T13:52:17.506-08:00Corey Patterson was mercifully traded to the Baltimore Orioles for two forgettable minor leagers. Once a prospect who was touted as the next Ken Griffey Junior, Corey will be lucky if he sees regular playing time in Baltimore. He will be competing for a job with the formidable Luis Matos. I wish him well, I really do. I hope he can figure things out... somewhere else.
2006-02-01T23:38:12.153-08:00The French triumvarate is now complete : Marquis, Jacque and Pierre. The Chicago Cubs have agreed to a deal with geriatric outfielder Marquis Grissom. (pictured right) This might sound bad at first, but this is not worth getting upset about (at least not yet). It's only a minor league contract, and a pretty low risk signing. The only real risk is, that Dusty will misuse Grissom and give him
2005-12-29T00:13:56.356-08:00These are the point scores for the full names of all the players currently on the Cubs 40 man roster. (Thanks to Humbug Journal)You think this is exciting, wait untill I post the spell-check version of the 40 man roster.14 Derrek Lee14 Matt Murton14 Scott Eyre14 Scott Moore16 Rich Hill17 Mark Prior17 Roberto Novoa17 Ronny Cedeno17 Ryan Theriot17 Sean Marshall17 Will Ohman18
2005-12-29T00:14:47.856-08:00Busch Stadium won't be the only thing that will look different for the Cardinals in 2006. Team Officials have just announced that the St. Louis club will be sporting brand new shit- covered hats for the upcoming season. The grotesque caps will feature excrement from local fans, along with bird droppings from actual cardinals."The St. Louis fans are the best fans in baseball," said homosexual