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Bad News Hughes

Strove to find a way to punch people in the face by using the Internet.

Updated: 2017-10-24T03:22:10.431-04:00



New blog:


LITTLE FYODOR AND BABUSHKADance of the Salted SlugI make a few brief cameo appearances during the video as a terrified, hulking blob trying to take pics of the madness with a phone without getting too close. Performance conducted as part of Hal McGee's 50th birthday extravaganza.Bonus! Little Fyodor and Babushka perform "You Give Me Hard On."Fun!More FyodorMore Hal


DAIRY OF INDIGNITYPol Pot: Murderous Tyrant of Evil or Beloved Children's Show Puppeteer? An In-Depth Look.So Christmas went pretty well this year.It was pretty mellow. We didn't do Jell-O shots or anything. Just played a lot of Wii. Seven pins, motherfucker!Dad seemed to like his new nose-hair trimmer.Lots of holiday spirit to soak up... Plenty of brotherly love.That was a nice change from a few


SHIT AT WORK IS ON FIREWe're All Gonna DiePlease put that shit out.Fuck.


Halloween: Reading in GainesvilleSpooky.


READING TOMORROW IN NEW YORK CITYMo Pitkins House of Satisfaction at 7 PM, with the talented and handsome Dallas Hudgens, author of Drive Like Hell and Season of Gene. Free, some kinda drink minimum. Hopefully Dallas will dazzle and charm, because lord knows I'm a goddamn trainwreck.


DIARY OF INDIGNITIESEmployee Productivity Report for Sept. 24-28: Patrick Hughes"Don't call me Andie-Poo.""Why not? It sounds cute.""I don't like having 'poo' inserted anywhere in my name.""Aw.""I don't like it!""C'mon. Andie-Poo.""No! What if I called you Patty-Poo?""I'm OK with that. I'm secure in my masculinity.""If you call me that I'll... I'll...""You'll what?""I'll fix you with a stealthy


THIS IS NICEMy old pal Brian Doherty reviewed Diary of Indignities in the Hit and Run section of the Reason magazine Web page. His positive comments on several aspects of the book hit me hard, for a few reasons. First, and most simply, he's a valued friend. He's also extremely smart, and a talented writer and journalist — his books Radicals for Capitalism and This is Burning Man carry my


DIARY OF THINGS THAT ARE AWESOMESleepy Dave and the upstanding hoodlums at Anthem Tattoo have come through for me once again, helping me ensure my life remains wholly surreal and absurd:Nice bruising, huh? That part of my arm is as pale, delicate and juicy as fresh mozzarella cheese. Good thing the rest of me is double-tough and manly! As far as you know.Some no-fun-havin' pee-hole asked me, "Is


VICTORY IS MINESo for about two minutes this afternoon I hit 100 in the Amazon top 100 for the sub-sub-sub category Humor/General Satire/Nonsense/Crap/Who Cares?/Biographies of Ted Nugent/Gardening/Erotica/Remainders/Mulch/Nobody Likes It.Sweet.Want to help me kick Dilbert's punk ass right back to Cubicleland? Buy a copy today. If you've been kind or misguided enough to already purchase one, why


BOOK SIGNING: SEPT. 8 @ CRIMINAL RECORDS IN ATLANTAClick to see full-size.I'll be making an ass out of myself and the kick-ass metal band Withered will be grinding off faces with megaton blackened doom power. See you there?


DIARY OF INDIGNITIESDegenerate and BulgingLately I spend all my time on the couch, out of my mind on pills, drooling and watching TV. I’m one swank jumpsuit and giant peanut butter and bacon sandwich away from becoming Elvis.I always said this is what I’d do if I got super rich. No philanthropy or adventure for me — just the trouble-free emotional flatline that can only be delivered by the


DIARY OF INDIGNITIESTeh 198s Bolgger is Former Writer, EditorAh, you know me. I ain't looking for much. I got what you might could say are generally low expectations. And I don't want to come off here like some stuck-up fancy lad, swaggering around all over the Internet all pompous and full of self-esteem. But check this shit out:Okay, I got this book out now, and I figure it's an honest hustle,


DIARY OF THINGS THAT ARE MAYBE KIND OF ALRIGHTSo the Diary of Indignities book is done. And it looks pretty great. In fact, I... I... I can't find anything to complain about. The editor, Chris Warner, and everyone else at the publisher did fantastic work. The designer, my good friend Jon Resh, made this thing just look unbelievably good. You need proof? Just look at the scream of joy coming out


DIARY OF INDIGNITIESMaybe this Explains Why I Never Liked TallahasseeThe girls made this weird sort of noise when I peed on their kitchen floor... High-pitched and slightly modulated, a cry of distress to be certain, but without the shrillness or desperation one might expect. It sounded like how Olive Oyl sounds when she’s being menaced by Bluto, or Brutus, or whatever that guy’s name is, the way


DIARY OF THINGS THAT ARE AWESOMEOnstage with the Flaming Lips 4/15/07So I have this buddy named Justin. He works for an excellent and weird rock band called the Flaming Lips.Justin's a little, um, special. But the guys in the band go out of their way to make him feel good. "Justin, could you please stay in this tent and keep an eye on these costumes? Thanks, pal," they'll say, or, "Justin, this


SWEETWe'll be in Jacksonville the next day, at the public library there. We won't actually have books or anything, of course.


DIARY OF COLOSTOMYAnthem Tattoo Parlor, Saturday March 24"Ohhh shit! Pat Hughes! What are you up to?""Ahhh, nuthin'. I just locked up the dojo across the street and figured I'd stick my head in and see how ya'll are doin'. What's up?""Nothing much. Hey, are you gonna fight soon?""Me? Fuck no. My life's a mess. And I'm way too fat. I haven't been training hard at all, or really doing much of


Poor BeccaPoor, Poor BeccaShe made it through Weird Science, Frankenhooker and Rock 'n Roll Nightmare OK, but Return of the Living Dead proved too taxing, despite being fortified with a healthy dose of energy-packed Absolut peach-flavored vodka (yuck). Anyway, she learned a valuable lesson, probably. You gotta keep on your toes. Movie night is not for the weak.(Underwear Shorts, by the way, is a


DIARY OF INDIGNITIESFuck You, Bob Marley“Hey man, Tom was just telling me a great story about the time you tried to break into his girlfriend’s apartment while they were sleeping and he had to pull a gun on you.”“Yeah, that was funny and — wait, what?”“He said it was the middle of the night, and they heard someone peeping at the window, and he had to pull a gun.”“Holy shit, I... I... I don’t


DIARY OF INDIGNITIESQ: So what do you get when you cross a skateboard, an acorn and a woefully out-of-shape fat old man?A: 'Bout what you'd expect.(It's not a mid-life crisis, unless you can have a mid-life crisis that starts when you're born. Also, just judging from my lifestyle and general appearance, I'm probably waaaay past the statistical midpoint.)


DIARY OF INDIGNITIESBittersweet Reminiscing in the Autumn of My Life, Duh Oh, you know, while we’re on the subject of professional wrestling, I should point out that I hate it.That wasn’t always the situation, though. At one time I loved professional wrestling. Scientists measured my love as having an intensity of .4 Ringwalds. Pretty strong. So strong, in fact, that I once was a professional


DIARY OF JUST WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE READ THIS SITE ANYWAYThe lovely Jana sends in a snapshot documenting her own encounter with magical artistic weiner underpants. "Why should you boys have all the fun," she asks. Well, Jana, I'll tell you. It's because while we were off having underpants hijinx we were kind of counting on you all to keep civilization from crumbling. But whatever. Good going, Jana.


DIARY OF THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME How did you spend your Saturday night? Ah — never mind. Really, you know, all that beery tomfoolery and picking up on babes you like is for teenagers and monkeys. Myself, as a sophisticated bon vivant and connoissuer of the finest programs cable television has to offer, I decided to opt for the high road and stay in with Becca and Jack Stillwell, feasting our


YE OLDE RECYCLEMENT OF THE JOKES OF YOREYeah, I know. It was funnier last year. But I’m hellaciously, feverishly focused on finishing up this bad boy and thusly not inclined for trying anything new. Well, except this year I slipped my friend Becca a little GHB and convinced her to go. Me at the Renaissance Faire with a girl — that’s actually pretty novel.The inside of my disgusting truck. Leaves,