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The daily insigts of a very strange girl. I like to express myself but no one will listen to me!!!!!!!

Updated: 2018-03-06T01:02:29.706-08:00


Ramadan Kareem!


I will begin my fast tomorrow Insha'Allah! I was unable to fast the last two days. I hope this doesn't affect Eid day. Wonderful things a woman has to worry about.:/

Today was rough. Baby Girl got her 2month vaccinations today. I hated seeing her in pain and she has been sleeping most of the day. Only wakes up to eat and then falls back to sleep.

So I am going to try and make this a good Ramadan. I really need it. I haven't been very Spiritual lately and my soul and spirit really need it.

Ramadan Goals

  1. Fast (kinda a given)
  2. Pray all prayers on time.
  3. Read Quran for 5 min. daily
  4. Learn at least one new Surah
  5. Attend 2-3 Tarawih's a week. This one might be harder now that I have a little one.
  6. Attend the last night of Quran recitation.
  7. Spend time with family
  8. Make lots of dua
  9. No swearing
  10. No television when I'm fasting
  11. Start to purge and organize my life. I wish I could have gotten the apartment ready before hand but these things happen.
Wish me luck!!! May Allah accept are fast and duas in this great month of Ramadan!!!!!!!!!!!

Hot, Hot,Hot


Woke up to the AC not working. I sent peanut over to my MIL till it's fixed. I guess I will lose these last 10lbs. by sweating them out!!!!!!!!!!! It is so FREAKING HOT!!!!!!!!

And Life Will Never Be the Same....


So, my adventure into actual motherhood began on a Saturday night. I had been feeling like crap for the last two weeks with some Braxton hicks off and on. They were few and far between so I wasn't concerned and I had an OB appoint for that Wed. so I was just taking it easy. No nightly walks because I was feeling like crap and most of my day was spent on the couch watching really bad tv.I wasn't very productive most of my pregnancy because I was dead tired and suffered from morning sickness (really every minute of the freaking day sickness) up unitl 24-25 weeks. I started to finally feel better then came the insomnia and shortness of breath. I felt freaking HUGE. And when you are 5'0 there really isn't a whole lot of room.So that Saturday I actually got this huge urge to nest. I had it off and on since 15 weeks but this was so different. I HAD to get it done. DH came home and was debating on going out. I told him "Go you really don't know when your next chance will be!". It was 10pm and DH had just gotten out the shower and I was in the laundry room and dancing and singing to "Shake your Booty" on Pandora. Right as soon as the song was done I felt it. Apparently I shook my booty to hard because I felt a gush! I was praying to God to please let me just have peed my pants.Nope, my water broke. I was freaking out!!! It was too early!!!!!!!! I was only 33 Weeks and one day!! Thank God DH hadn't left yet. Our friends had just pulled up to pick him up when it happened.So we rushed to the ED which is great because the hospital that I was delivering at is only 7 min. away. DH wanted to call his mom and have her meet us there but I was in no mood for anyone just yet. My poor mom is in Orlando which is 2-4 hours away depending on who is driving. I told my mom not to come because I didn't want her to miss work for a false alarm. She's an RN also and had also worked that day. I didn't want to do that to her!So we got to the ED and it took for freaking ever to get up to Labor and Delivery. I mean, hello, premature baby on the way people. I was gushing water everywhere which was just so much fun. I finally arrived in L/D at 10:30. I was not a happy camper.My nurse was AWESOME. My time I was in the room I started to feel contractions. It didn't feel to bad and it felt like menstrual cramps.She place the IV and placed the monitors on. I was dilated 1cm. and she started the Mag Sulfate to stop the contractions. I knew it wasn't going to be pleasant getting the Mag Sulfate but I didn't realize how truly horrible it makes you feel. I felt flushed and vomited twice. Good times!Then they started coming on hard and fast. In my mind I wasn't wanting to think that they were actual contractions because I was so not ready to have a baby!!! The pain was horrible. I was fine until about 1:00am and they were just bad. All that breathing crap went out the window.My nurse came in to place the foley and that did not go well at all. It was so painful to be on my back. Every time I was on my back it was just excruciating. It literally took 1o min. to get the damn thing in. Then I begged the nurse to please take it out. It hurt so freaking bad!!!!!!!!! I've had Foley catheters before but this was just not working for me. I'm really embarrassed on how I acted but I just could not tolerate the pain.She asked if I wanted stadol and I said "Yes!!! Anything please!!!!!!!". She checked me and I was 3cm. Crap.She then asked if I wanted to go ahead with the Epidural. I have never wanted anything so bad in my life. This was at 2am.While she was on the phone the pain intensified. I literally thought that this is it. I'm just not made for this and I'm going to die from the pain right here and now. It felt like my inside was being turned inside out. All of sudden I felt the urge to push. I was freaking out because I'm still thinking that I'm 3cm and how the hell could I have progressed so fast. I yelled at DH to get the nurse NOW! I guess she threw the phone down when he told her. She came in checked me and he[...]

It's Been A Long Time.....


Wow. It has been a long time since I've blogged!!!!!!!! So much as changed yet so much hasn't! The biggest change is that after 4 years of trying and three losses that I am now finally a MOM!!!
I had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy in 2007 and 2008. Then finally got a positive pregnancy test on Mother's Day 2010, of all days. Yet that wasn't meant to be. Wish really sucked since our moms were super excited to get that Mother's Day gift.
So I gave birth to a wonderful little girl named Sarah on May 22, 2o11. She was 7 weeks early but she has been a fighter since day one! She is now home and doing great!!!!

So in the last couple of years....
1. I did graduate nursing school in May 2007. I passed the NCLEX on the first try in Sept. 2007!!!!!! Yeah, I canceled three times because I was so freaking scared of that test!!! Best news ever when I called and got the news that I passed.
2. I've had two nursing jobs in the last 4 years. I am now not working and haven't been since Nov. 2010. Long story that I won't bore anyone with but it was decided because I had a really bad scare with peanut. Baby comes first!!! Will be joining the workforce again after Ramadan!
3. I lost my two kitties, Caesar and Shakespeare. Caesar had to be put to sleep in Aug. 2008. We never really found out what the cause was but it was not easy and he was in a lot of pain. Worst day of my life. But he was 11 years old and had a good life. Poor Shakespeare passed last April of Liver Cancer. I found out that week and was getting ready to make a decision and he started acting like a kitten again. I knew it was the end. I got the news Monday and found him on Friday morning. He was 16 years old and gave me so much happiness in those 16 years.
4. Me and DH moved and our saving for a house next year. The plan was to buy one this summer but plans changed when peanut came along! My savings and credit have also taken quite the hit with me not working. Such is life I guess.
5. I've been on some really great small in country vacations. In 2008 I finally got to Trinidad!! It was great to finally see the place that DH is from!

There is much more but I guess I should get off here and try to get some things done since Peanut is sleeping!!!!!!!!

A Saturday filled with nothing


I had a nice little list of things to accomplish and little projects to do. Know what I got done? None of it. I was a totally useless blob of nothingness. It felt great though!:)
So I was feeling really crappy the last couple of days. Depressed and highly disappointed in people. I hate that I let people get to me.
So I'm saying goodbye to blogger and moving. I think I am just fed up wit bloggers problems. My new home is
I'm not thrilled with the name but I'm not very creative when coming up with names. And pixie was already taken, the nerve.:) But I like that if you want to keep a post private you can.

A very late meme....


Muslim Wife tagged me back in December. I guess I'm a little late, hahah:)

Seven Things I want to do in life:

1. Earn my masters
2. Buy a home
3. Hajj
4. Become a mom
5. Visit Ireland, next year, insha'allah
6. Stop procrastinating
7. Learn to live for the moment

Seven Things I can do:
1. make some darn good pies
2. drive a stick
3. play the clarinet
4. dance
5. Scrapbook
6. Shop
7. Procrastinate like there is no tomorrow

Seven Things I can’t do:
1. sing
3. read Arabic
4. spell
5. understand people
6. draw
7. write interesting post

Seven things I say the most:
1. dumbA#$, usually while driving
2. insha'allah
3. whatever
4. that's just crazy talk
5. duh
6. masha'allah
7. I'm going crazy!

Things that attract me to the opposite sex
: 1. my
2. cute
3. and
4. wonderful
5. other
6. half
7. even though he can drive me crazy

Seven Celebrity Crushes:
1. Shahrukh Khan
2. Orlando Bloom
3. I guess that's it.

Not a bloody Sunday


Well, I am in a much better mood. It's the start of a new week and I must say it has gotten off to a fabulous start! Of course that could be due to the fact that I have done nothing today. I started of my day with a walk on the beach followed by a day spent reading and discovering You Tube. I never went on you tube before but I find it quite entertaining. I watched the first episode of Little Prairie on the Mosque. I'm not sure if I like it or not. It had it's funny moment but I'm not sure if I'm sold on it yet.

My instructor called me. I'm relieved to find out that I only have to do three case studies to make up for my time. Hopefully they aren't too bad. She is also giving me until next week to do them which totally rocks! Of course I'm going to the library and get the done on Tuesday, Insha'allah!

I have so many thoughts going on my head through out the day that I would like to post about and when it comes time I never remember them. Maybe I should start carrying a recorder around! LOL!



I have had the week from Hell. I am so glad that tomorrow is Sunday and I get to start a new week, blah!

Things that totally sucked this week:

1. My exam. I pretty sure that it was written in Greek.

2. My ER experience. I have come to the realization that I'm a complete idiot who knows nothing. LOVELY!

3. Getting a stomach virus and being sick on a clinical day. Oh, and that would be the day I would have to turn my paper in! So, not only do I have to make up the day with something ultra boring but I'm pretty sure my instructor thinks I didn't have my paper done. Great!

4. Having someone ask me "are you sure you are in 4th semester?". Ouch

Things that rocked, very, very short list.

1. Having an awesome man who will bring me soup, crackers and soda during his lunch hour when he found out I was sick. I think I'll keep him:)

Starting tomorrow...


I'm going to stop being my procrastinator self. I will do the things on my today list the day that I'm suppose to do them. I mean that new Palm is not just to look pretty, right? I will open my nursing book more often and not let it sit on my coffee table collecting dust. I will start on all papers on advance and stop waiting to do them the night before. I will get all my Meds Pub. time and assignments done in a timely manner and not wait till the night before to complete three hours of time.
I'm off to bed so I can get up early tomorrow, head to the library and glue my bum to the seat and I will hopefully walk out of the exam with a 75% or higher.



Well, tomorrow's my exam. I don't feel as ready as I should but I never am. I really don't care anymore, if I get a C it's not the end of the world. I'm tired of trying to be perfect on these test. In the long run it won't really matter. I know what I know.
Lecture was actually interesting today. It's all starting to make since and that is such a wonderful feeling!!
The nice thing is I will have lots of time before my exam to study. My exams for the last two semesters have been at 9:30. This semester they aren't until 1:30! That means lots of time to study tomorrow!! woo-hoo

Colts vs. Bears


INDY MADE IT!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


One of those days..


It has been one of those days. I woke up feeling like crap and I wasn't the only one. My poor kitty thought that the broom was a tasty little item and spent the morning trying to get it up from his digestive tract. I was really worried but I think he's ok now. I thought I was going to have to make an emergency run to the vet. I don't understand my cat sometimes.

I haven't been very productive and I have been in a crappy mood. I have managed to catch up on a couple more blogs and I'm going to attempt to clean my apartment and work on my paper. Oh, and maybe try to study.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I had a dream I was stuck in India with an old friend from high school that I actually haven't even seen since high school. We were in my apartment but it was in India without electricity and water. What was really weird were the kittens that were outside that could talk to me and offer me fruit. Very, very strange....

Because I have so much time...


I'm blogging twice in one day. Because you know, I have so much free time on my hands. I'm a lady of leisure you know. Of course there are other things I could be doing. I think the list is something like this...
studying so I don't fail my test
working on my paper
catching up with family and friends who think I'm MIA
cleaning my apartment
trying to get my photos organized and sent out to those who have been asking for them forever and a day
working on my thank you cards
this could be a really long list, I think you guys get the point.

I can't wait to see the Colts vs. Patriots game. I'm trying not to get my hopes up to high because it's always heartbreaking when your team gets that close and it doesn't happen. But it would be awesome to see the Colts in the superbowl.

My legs are killing me. KILLING ME! I was really good last week and worked out and now it is payback time. I was suppose to workout today but I'm being ultra lazy and well the fact that I might cry during the actual workout might not be good.

I'm suppose to go over to my MIL's and have dinner but I so do not want to leave my house. But then there's the really good already cooked food. And I really don't want to cook. But I know that if I go over there I will be there all night and that puts a cramp into my night of being lazy and nonproductive. Decisions,Decisions....

How cute is this?


(image) Of course my cats would never do this. They know I would freak out if they slept in my sink!:)

I wish the weekend could last forever


I'm so dreading Tuesday. Ugh. I should be studying right now but everytime I try to read my book it all looks Greek. I think my brain is temporarily out of order.
I had a busy morning. I was awoken by a very hungry kitty this morning an realized that I didn't have any cat food. Yesterday was my day to run errands and that never got accomplished. Thankfully I had tuna and they were extra happy this morning.
So I had to run to the bank, post office, blockbuster, Petsmart, gas station and grocery store. Woofreakinghoo. Have I mentioned how much I hate going out and facing the madness on a Saturday? I did fall in love with a kitty a Petsmart and if I could have taken this cat home I would in a heartbeat. She was oh so adorable. I also went and got a pedicure. I really can't afford it right now but it's my little splurge on myself. Also justify it because I live in Florida. I like wear closed toe shoes, um, like never. I wear tennis shoes when I work out and at the hospital. The other 98% of the time my feet are in flip flops are sandals. So I'm really doing the world a favor by having pretty feet, hahaa.
We watched Nacho Libre last night and all I have to say is that I want those two hours of my life back. I didn't laugh once and baby only chuckled maybe once. Very disappointing. I am on my third season of Felicity right now. I still don't understand why I never watched Felicity while it was on because it really is a good show. Who knew? I also have been watching Sex and the City starting from season one. My mom bought me the complete set for Christmas plus all the seasons of the Gilmore Girls. My mom rocks, hehehe.
Me and baby went to the beach and worked out yesterday. It's going to be our Friday morning thing now since he has Fridays off now. We are going to hit the beach tomorrow. He says it is going to help me with my stress and anxiety. Well see.....I guess it's better than chocolate and Prozac.

4 years ago...


today I met my one and only. I think I might share the story of how we met tomorrow. But right now I need someone to talk me of the ledge I'm on. School is seriously freaking me out. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Would anyone like to trade places with me next week? Then I wouldn't have to take this exam which really freaking me out and I wouldn't have to write this paper that is making me break out in hives. Please?
Ok, why did I want to be a nurse again???????



One of those days where I was motivated to do nothing. I don't know how I managed to stay awake during class. I need a whole lot of mylanta because this semester is stressing me out. So much to do and so little time!!!

I don't know where I got this but I thought it was cute....





Day off


I don't have class today and that is a blessing. I love holidays when we have no school! It will bite when I start working because then holidays will just be another day.

I was a complete bum yesterday. I slept until 10am, something I haven't done in awhile!! It did feel nice though. I didn't get to much accomplished. It was one of those nice lazy days.:) I went over to my MIL's house for dinner and hung out with her for a bit. Then me and hubby rented Talladega Nights. That was such a funny movie!! We were going to go the cinema but there was nothing playing that I really wanted to see. I hate that! There will be tons of good movies out and I can't go but the minute I decided I want to go the movie theatre there are none that I want to see! Such a bummer.

It's raining today, blah. I really don't feel like doing anything but I must. I'm going to try to organize these millions of photos I have. I am so behind on my scrapbook. I have two years worth of photos to catch up on. Wants depressing is that I still have 27 more rolls of film and tons of digital that still haven't been developed.

I've decided that today is one of those days were I am not leaving the house. I'm in my nice comfy inside clothes and I'm going to start cleaning out my closet, study and then study some more. We have a test next week and a critical paper due. Yuck. Geez, my life has become so boring!

What is nice about this semester is that my theory lecture isn't until 1:30 so I don't have to be in a rush to get to school. The down side is that I have to face rush hour traffic coming home. My mom bought me a slow cooker so it might be somewhat easier to make dinner this semester. I have been eating so unhealthy and it is starting to show in my waistline. Grr. I haven't been on a very good workout schedule so I decided I need to work on that. I worked out yesterday and my body is really hating me right now.

I heart Productive Saturdays


Well, today has been a productive day. I have cleaned my apartment, have done my shopping for the week and have got up on all my e-mails (that was a huge task) and caught up my laundry! Insha'allah, I shall catch up on my blog reading and scrapbooking tomorrow. I really haven't read any blogs for over a month now so it will be a lot of reading!
School is hectic and crazy. I think I might have found an area that I'm interested in! My first clinical day was spent in TICU and I loved it! Of course I'm not prepared to go into ICU right after graduating, but I did found out that they will take new grads into the step down unit. Very cool! I just want to find a nice hospital though. I don't want to be stuck in a place that I hate and then end up hating nursing. Well, this has been a pointless post but I'm trying to get back into posting more!



Ok, there is something seriously wrong with this picture. It is only Tuesday and I want the week to be over with already!! Crap, I didn't know that 2007 was going to get off to such a busy start.
Go Gators!!! Sorry for all you Ohio fans out there. Ok, not really because if you know me, you know how I feel about Ohio.

Blog Searches


pixie muslim. Well, yes I am Muslim

Many, many searches for Hessie. I have just realized that in all my post I have been spelling it wrong. But as you can see from the searches that I'm not the only one spelling it wrong

pixie Amira. Once again, yes I'm Amira

There was one for my sis which I found odd. Especially since I don't think I use her full name.

There was a search for Lalya's blog

Apparently someone is very interested in Amira's Nikkah because there were quite a bit of searches for this one.

Also a lot of searches for Salawar Kameez

The Countdown begins...


I will officially have 4 months till I graduate starting tomorrow. I'm relieved, excited and terrified. I had my orientation for clinical Thursday and it was very boring. And I'm a wee bit scared of my clinical instructor. Not good!!! I start my first lecture tomorrow, I hope it isn't too bad. I'm doing acute care first and I start psych the second week in Feb. In March I will have my preceptorship. I think I want ICU as my first choice, ER as my second and telemetry as my final choice.
I don't know what it is about the start of a new year but it always makes me optimistic and cheerful. I woke up so happy today, that rarely happens! I just hope this year is better than last. Not that last year was bad it was just a strange year.
I was thinking of deleting my blog but I decided against it. I have just been so busy lately but I know the minute that I delete it that I would regret it!
Hopefully when I get some time I will finally get around to writing a post about my Nikkah.

Happy 2007


I hope that everyone had a great and fun evening last night. My night was fun but I'm sick right now. I have slept most of the day and have accomplished nothing. I have a mountain of dirty clothes in my utility room and a house that needs a little TLC. I need manage to clean out my cats bathroom. They have a brand new, pretty, purple litter box to start off the new year.
We went spent a couple of hours with the family last night, which is always a good time. Then around 11 we headed to a pub to hang out with baby's friend and then it was off to my friends party. We didn't get home until 3:30 but it was fun. All except the stupid drunk girl who spilled champagne down my back right before midnight.
So I'm not doing any resolutions this year because I never accomplish them. So why bother? I think I'm going to spend the rest of the night catching up on my blogs. I have so much reading to do!!

Eid Mubarak and happy new year


I hope that everyone had a pleasant day yesterday and has a great new year. I am sick, blah!! I don't know how much fun I will have tonight.:) But it will be a low key evening spent with family and possibly stopping by some friends houses.
I have been running non-stop!! I haven't had time to do anything and it bites because school starts Thursday.:( The Nikkah went really well and I'm happy that it is OVER!!! Hahaha.
Hope everyone has a wonderful night tonight and remember to be safe!!! There are lots of crazies out tonight!