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Preview: My Little Problem

My Little Problem

Getting a Life, or finding some remnants of Life in the Wreckage.

Updated: 2018-04-15T11:58:20.296-05:00




Just a lot of times when I just sit waiting.
I'm not sure if I'm really waiting for anything.
I couldn't really say if I was meditating or not it doesn't seem to have that much self-discipline.
I know and I meditate I sit upright and pay attention to my posture. Sometimes I even light incense, chant...
I think it's more like just waiting to see what happens.
And the more I wait the more I notice the little things that are happening the birds to fly by in their evening route to roosting and the ones that come out to hunt just as the sun goes down.
See people coming home to.
People walking their dogs getting their exercise.
There's times when I feel like an outsider to other things that are going on...
But when I'm in the middle of it when I'm rushing to work or waiting in line and patiently in the store you know tapping my foot or reading magazines or whatever.
Not really there either.
Sitting in this mist of always having someone to sit with.

Social network - Wikipedia


Social network - Wikipedia:

this idea of social networks has become more important to me over time, although when i first heard about it and began observing my own networks and those around me, i often thought i was off on a tangent that didn't connect with reality. Today, networks seem more tangible given the growth of social media we have seen with the advent of personal computing and smart phones.

The question must be, for everyone, have our networks grown and strengthened? Or are we merely mapping the superficial aspects? I know that Google and Facebook are mapping how we connect, and while it seems a little odd to look at it this way, deeper intelligence emerges from from richer networks.

I think contemplating our own networks in a pluralistic mechanical way and exploring the real nature of our connections will in the long run, help us as people individually, and in the wider schemas of society, civilization, and the natural world.

To make meaning and sense out of it, we will need to explore different institutions and create new models for education and learning. The education system and our information media function a bit like a factory or a retail outlet--churning out standardized students and distributing mass produced facts, alternative facts, and other parcels of concept which fail utterly at integrating wholly with the world.

If, our climate, of mood disorders, addictions and pathological politics, has its roots in how we form attachments as children  then grasp of  attachment theory and Social Networks offers a promising way towards recovery and building a stronger healthier world.

Have You?


Is Your Self Esteem Too Low Are You Afraid To Disagree You May Be Co-Dependent Co Dependency is common in families with addiction and substance abuse. There are many degrees of codependency. The severity of the condition is variable since the intensity of symptoms vary instead of being on an all or nothing scale. Also important to note: Not everyone experiencing the symptoms below suffers from codependency. These 20 questions may be result from other family dysfunction, but still signal that you may need help to start feeling better.

1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?
10. Have you ever felt inadequate?
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?
19. Do you have trouble asking for help?
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?

If you identify with several of these symptoms; are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships; you should consider seeking professional help. Arrange for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced in treating co-dependency.

Check out to learn about co dependency in families with addictions

thought for the day


When a job still looked like a mere means of getting money rather than an opportunity for service, when the acquisition of money for financial independence looked more important than a right dependence upon God, we were still the victims of unreasonable fears.

p121 AA

Red chair




The Five Mindfulness TrainingsThe following Five Mindfulness Trainings are Thich Nhat Hanh’s formulation of the traditional five Buddhist precepts. They represent the Buddhist vision for a global spirituality and ethic. They are guidelines for everyday living and are the basis for a happy life. They are a concrete expression of the Buddha’s teachings, the path of right understanding and true love, leading to healing, transformation, and happiness for ourselves and for the world. To practice the Five Mindfulness Trainings is to cultivate the insight of interbeing, or Right View, which can remove all discrimination, intolerance, anger, fear, and despair. If we live according to the Five Mindfulness Trainings, we are not lost in confusion about our life in the present or in fears about the future.1. Reverence For LifeAware of the suffering caused by the destruction of life, I am committed to cultivating the insight of interbeing and compassion and learning ways to protect the lives of people, animals, plants, and minerals. I am determined not to kill, not to let others kill, and not to support any act of killing in the world, in my thinking, or in my way of life. Seeing that harmful actions arise from anger, fear, greed, and intolerance, which in turn come from dualistic and discriminative thinking, I will cultivate openness, non-discrimination, and non-attachment to views in order to transform violence, fanaticism, and dogmatism in myself and in the world.2. True HappinessAware of the suffering caused by exploitation, social injustice, stealing, and oppression, I am committed to practicing generosity in my thinking, speaking, and acting. I am determined not to steal and not to possess anything that should belong to others; and I will share my time, energy, and material resources with those who are in need. I will practice looking deeply to see that the happiness and suffering of others are not separate from my own happiness and suffering; that true happiness is not possible without understanding and compassion; and that running after wealth, fame, power and sensual pleasures can bring much suffering and despair. I am aware that happiness depends on my mental attitude and not on external conditions, and that I can live happily in the present moment simply by remembering that I already have more than enough conditions to be happy. I am committed to practicing Right Livelihood so that I can help reduce the suffering of living beings on Earth and reverse the process of global warming.3. True LoveAware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am committed to cultivating responsibility and learning ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. Knowing that sexual desire is not love, and that sexual activity motivated by craving always harms myself as well as others, I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without true love and a deep, long-term commitment made known to my family and friends. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct. Seeing that body and mind are one, I am committed to learning appropriate ways to take care of my sexual energy and cultivating loving kindness, compassion, joy and inclusiveness – which are the four basic elements of true love – for my greater happiness and the greater happiness of others. Practicing true love, we know that we will continue beautifully into the future.4. Loving Speech and Deep ListeningAware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I am committed to cultivating loving speech and compassionate listening in order to relieve suffering and to promote reconciliation and peace in myself and among other people, ethnic and religious groups, and nations. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to speak[...]

Dover Beach




Today I added a collection to my G+ profile.
 i titled it Wonder and added a few pictures from my camera.
today im off to tampa to practice my DBT skills at USF
so far ive learned a lot about myself, and i look forward to expanding my skill set and awareness. im feeling fairly positive about my future these days although i dont know what it will be like. one thing i know i can look forward to is the possibility of coping with difficult situations.





QUOTE:If you attach yourself to one person, you ultimately end up having an unhealthy relationship. —Shirley MacLaine Needing people in our lives is healthy, human and natural. Needing a single person to love at a very deep level, is also soothing to the soul’s well-being. Love and attachment are not synonymous, however. They are close to being opposites. If we “attach” ourselves to others, our movements as separate individuals are hampered. Attachment means dependency; it means letting our movements be controlled by the one we are “hooked” to. Dependency on mood-altering chemicals, on food, on people, means unmanageability in our individual lives. Many of us in this recovery program, though abstinent, still struggle with our dependency on a certain person or a certain friend. The tools we are learning apply in all cases of dependency. It is healthy independence we are striving for-taking responsibility for our own lives-making choices appropriate for our personal selves. Loving others means letting them make their own choices unhampered by our “attachment.” Are my relationships attachments or are they based on love? I will take an inventory of them today.

Dream of a black rabbit (continued)


My dream returned
like a late crescent moon
riding high over placid waters.
A black rabbit hidden by his own shadow:
still, in the grass at the edge of the road.

My ship came home empty,
a cargo of whispers
tossed in the easy wind
without the weight of apples
and iron to hold it's course.

And this summer storm has summoned
rain lilies from under the dessicated oak,
filled the gutters with new bamboo leaves,
washed the windows of the drunkard's cottage
and driven the old cat
from his post on the wall
at the end of the garden,
to the shelter of a window ledge,
where he watches the grey squalls
sweep across the bay.

He is older than I.
He has forgotten his name.
We call him by the sound he makes
when hunger wakes and claws inside.

I have not forgotten what the rabbit told me,
or what I read in "The Book of Dreams and Shadow"
on the dusty shelf of the old botanica.

I still recall the hours full of counting.
the lists of great importance.
Categories and expenses.
The taste of secrets.

How did this become the past?
Why can't I put the sky into all of my poems?
Or tell you what the rabbit hides from?
How have my dreams become,
These scraps of paper in an empty drawer?

(c) William C. Wheeler 2009

Palm of Your Hand




It came to me then.
I was not alone
Each had things to do.
Hot summer grasses
Weather the faint breeze.








posted from Bloggeroid



My old travian blog has been updated...



gift, a photo by _william on Flickr.

bad loop


bad loop

Can we
say enough?
One sound
takes all.
Water drops,
A cry.

In the woods,
at night,
behind you,
a twig snaps.

Off the Grid


Off the Grid, a photo by _william on Flickr.

On The Steps


On The Steps, a photo by _william on Flickr.

'Tibby' Haslam


'Tibby' Haslam, a photo by _william on Flickr.

Marie Weir


Marie Weir, a photo by _william on Flickr.

Hot stuff - industrial




Susan Of Texas
A Snark Blog of Epic proportions