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Preview: Jaxopolitan


A Jacksonville based blog that's often snarky, occasionally tasteless, but always fun.

Last Build Date: Wed, 07 Mar 2018 22:45:41 +0000


Faceball - the new extreme office sport

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 15:18:00 +0000

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Coming to Jacksonville office near you. My recommendation, better start playing practicing with your own balls at home so you'll be ready for the regular season.

I can see BK having a mean AEs vs. Designers tournament.

Via How magazine - Faceball?

The Recap.

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 22:36:00 +0000

EatUp Downtown, huge success, some restaurants booked solid, blah blah blah.

What I learned at EatUp Downtown:

Cafe Nola, under new management since 'the chicken incidient' accomodated vegetarian requests, had great service, great food during all three courses, and even good presentation! (Prior I tended to think that the food was good, but presentation left something to be desired)
Tastings had awesome appetizers, awesome entrees, and spectacular wine pairings with each course. Both desserts left somethign to be desired - the cheese was strong, and not very light, and the chocolate cake had a hint of bitter chocolate (in a bad way).
Chew accomodated vegetarian requests, and allowed patrons the choice of either the prix fixe menu or selecting from their standard dinner menu. Once again, the appetizers and entrees were awesome, and the pistachio cake dessert was excellent.

Mmm.... I can't wait until next time.

Eatin' good in the neighborhood.

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 16:55:00 +0000


EatUp Downtown begins today, and while no numbers will be released until after the event's conclusion (sunday), I can only assume it'll be a success.

How on earth can I hypothesize this? How about the fact that Wine Cellar is completely booked Thursday and Friday nights anytime before 9:30?

I am a touch concerned about the vegetarian-friendliness of the event. When asked about getting a veggie entree substitution at Plaza III, the girl on the phone said, "Well, you have the option of a salad."

... If I end up eating two salads and Creme Brulee for $25, I'm going to be very upset.

Alas, there's always Cafe Nola, Chew, and Tastings.

Maybe this Downtown Dining Week should be followed by a Downtown Walk-a-thon. I'm gonna be a fattie by the time this is said and done.

Urethra Rap.

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 16:07:00 +0000

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I have a total girl crush on this little chick. She's just too gangsta for me.

Alpha Pig.

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 17:18:00 +0000

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Three guinea Pigs fighting over a half-eaten cucumber... completely useless, or completely brillant?

You've never heard it called a boobie hatch?

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 13:33:00 +0000


A boobie hatch is another name for an asylum? Who else has heard of this, is it a regional thing?

(This is what happens when we get stuck at work after-hours on a Friday)

How often do you Dooce?

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 21:05:00 +0000


That's not a personal question, it's a blog that I've really taken too. Imagine Ms. Jaxo in like 3-4 years, when she's quit her job because she went national and makes so much freakin' money off her blog.

Here's a recent posting:
"From the SD card"
Wednesday, 01 August 2007
A few weeks ago we got a small HP point-and-shoot camera to carry around when we didn’t want to lug around all the big Canon gear, and we didn’t know this when we got it but it also records short videos. So we’ve been shooting a lot more video in the last month, albeit shorter videos, and I’d forgotten to pull them all of the memory card until tonight, and when I did I found all these pictures I’d forgotten about, like this one of our friend’s cleavage:"

See the cleavage at

No Jeans for You!

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 16:19:00 +0000

University Clubnow hosts a weekly "Power Happy Hour." Fridays 5-8 p.m., anyone can enjoy the same views and drink specials that members do, and tab out at the end of the evening with cash or credit card.

Even though they're letting in non-members, that doesn't mean they're letting in anyone - remember, they have a strict dress code, so don't dress like a bum!

Crash and Burn, and walk away.

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 14:48:00 +0000

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When it comes to watching sports on television, I really don't care much unless it's huge like the Olympics. However, my one of my best friends is crazy into the X Games, and sent me the above clip.

Miss thing doesn't go speechless very often, but damn....

Todoist: The abridged version

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 20:58:00 +0000

Thur: Cocktails & Creatives @ Seven Bridges @ 7:00.
Fri: Badlands Trio @ 9th & Main.
Sat: Guys w/Ties White Party @ The Carling.

The Freeloader's Guide Returns!

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 15:00:00 +0000


1: OPAQ @ TSI: Art=I Love Her, She Loves Me. Munchies=free [chew].
2: LRK Architects: Art=hit or miss. Wine=free.
3: Florida Theatre: Art=Petwalk! Dog Food=free.
4: TTV Architects: Art=meh. Wine=free [crap].
5: Starbucks @ 11E: Art=unknown[employee]. Freebies="Heavy sampling." Does this sound a little too much like 'Heavy Petting' to anyone else?
6: Jacksonville Bank: Art=solid. Wine=free. Music=DJ Catharsis/PC Synergy.
7: Gold's Gym: Smoothie=free. Massage=free. Gymnasium smell=free.
8: BellSouth Tower: Art=hit or miss. Munchies=free.
9: Café 331: Art=unknown [canvas and prints]. Wine=unconfirmed. Munchies=free.
10: WA Knight Building: Art=The Color of Munny. Beverages=keg?
11: Chew: Food=new dinner menu [pay]. Music=The Carlisle Group.
12: Hemming Plaza: Art=both the best and the worst. Entertainment=hit or miss [drum circle, bellydancing].
13: MOCA Jacksonville: Art=good. Full bar=cash.
14: Shelby’s Coffee Shop: Art=unknown [local]. Beverages=free. Munchies=free.
15: Needless Things: Art=unknown [glass, ceramics, canvas]. Wine=free.
16: Laura Street Gallery: Art=meh. Wine=free. Munchies=free.
17: Shugar Shack Chocolatier: Wine=free. Munchies=free [chocopop].
18: The Art Center: Art=hit or miss. Wine=free. Munchies=free.
19: Burrito Gallery: Art=good. Beverage=pay. Music=Julius Airwave.
20: London Bridge Eatery & Pub: Art=good. Beer=free w/flyer. Entertainment=live music.

Download the official Artwalk Flyer from Downtown Vision. [DVI]

Todoist: Eat Your Heart Out. (That is, if you had a heart)

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 17:15:00 +0000


DVI is hosting a Downtown Dining Week August 20-26 called EatUp Downtown. For $25, you get a three-course meal at any of the participating restaurants (wine, tip, etc not included).

There looks to be an even share of Northbank and Southbank restaurants, and and a wide variety of cuisines (I love how Hooters is listed directly underneath Chew)

(Word through the grapevine is Cellar Grill is/has closed. Unconfirmed.)

Walk this way.

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 01:28:00 +0000

DVI hasn't yet released the list of events for the August Artwalk, but it looks like they have given ye olde walking man a makeover.


Think those foot prints look like sneaker marks, or stilettos?

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 18:35:00 +0000

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Allow me to list the reason why I am completely obsessed with the song "Stronger" by Kayne West right now:

1 :: Kanye rocks my socks. So much that I forgive some of the bullshit lyrics in this song.
2 :: Daft Punk rocks my socks. I can dig any song that samples DP.
3 :: Everyone I know, in every industry, in every city, is getting shit on at work right now. So the "makes me stronger" is a needed bit of hope, as cliche as it may be.

Dear Alcohol,

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 23:37:00 +0000

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work drink, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kebab, a butter chicken curry along with a sausage with cheese, onion and mustard (washed down with WINE and followed off with a KitKat after a bag of crisps)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately.

I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you, your biggest fan

Things I learned in Miami.

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 22:14:00 +0000

- Girls rollarblading in bikinis is not a stereotype. It is a way of life.
- Crosswalks are a suggestion. Only tourists obey them.
- So are red lights.
- Not running red lights will get you honked at.
- When you see the man riding his bike down the street with a rooster on the back, wait until you're out of earshot to mention, "nice cock."
- If a bar has $4 mojitos and is in South Beach, it's a gay bar.
- If a bar is playing Madonna and it is in South Beach, it's a gay bar.
- Men: The line, "I'm from the sex institute. We like to have lots of sex." Will not get you laid.
- Men: Neither will, "When I saw your body, I wanted to be in it."
- Women: "So why are you single?" "I'm a complete bitch." Will.
- If the hotel pool and beach access are 24 hour, you will find people drinking and swimming 24 hours.
- There no glass is allowed on the pool deck. A handle of rum in a plastic bottle is.
- One can lose 3 pounds in 5 days by eating a light breakfast, a hearty lunch, and rum and coke for supper.
- If your flight is at 7 a.m., and you don't leave the hotel until 6 a.m., you will sleep on the airport floor until 3 p.m.
- Macaroni and cheese with tomatoes, scrambled eggs with maple syrup and a glass of milk will help with the headache part of a hangover.
- It will not help with the nausea part of a hangover.
- Never make fun of a friend with a Saturday morning hangover when the likelihood is high you will have a hangover on Sunday.

It could always be worse.

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 15:16:00 +0000


This will probably be my only post this week, as I'm out of town tomorrow-Friday, and prepaing for an absence at work is almost enough to make Chuck Norris cry. Almost.

Please visit my buddies listed to the right for the best info about what's going on about town. See you next week!

Local man develops products for, farts information.

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 15:16:00 +0000


Note to JBJ, when creating a photo-collage, be wary of background elements that come too close to the subject's delicate areas.

Looking at the above graphic, my question is does this Will Reed guy have very informational flatulence, or is he just talking out of his ass?

Todoist: Coke, Hoes, Wine, and Birthdays.

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 17:50:00 +0000

Wed: Local film Cocaine Angel screens at MOCA as part of their Q&A series. $8 cover, $6 students. MOCA @ 7 p.m.
Wed: Thee Imperial hosts the Gemini Ball. Pimp/Ho theme, Pimp/Ho auction, Beer Pong, drink specials for Geminis. No cover for ladies (pre-midnight) or geminis (all night).
Friday: New wine bar Tastings celebrates their grand opening with deals, raffles, and live music.
Sat: Tastings continues their grand opening celebration with performances by Aerial Tribe @ 8 p.m.-midnite-ish.
Sat: Anomaly celebrates their two-year birthday with a summer party. 10% off all purchases, cold adult beverages, and excellent people. Anomaly in Five Points @ 6 p.m.
Sun: The Jacksonville Allstars kick it in Memorial Park. Kickball game @ 2 p.m.


Tue, 12 Jun 2007 14:28:00 +0000


Just imagine the kind of damage a gay bomb could do. People would be permanently blinded by the reflections of disco balls and sweat on waxed chests! Walmart stock would plummet, while Abercrombie & Fitch and Banana Republic would skyrocket! Birkenstocks would eclipse high-heels as the sexy footwear of choice for women!

Oh, the humanity!

Happy Fuckin' Friday

Fri, 08 Jun 2007 14:09:00 +0000

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Todoist: Guys and Dolls and Balls.

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 16:13:00 +0000

Thur: Dozens of local restauranteurs come out the play at the annual Foodfight benefitting Second Harvest Food Bank. $50 cover. Jax Municipal Stadium @ 6-9 p.m.
Fri: Classic bad-guy-loves-good-girl musical Guys and Dolls opens at Theatre Jax and runs through 6.23. $20 cover. Show @ 8 p.m.
Fri-Sat: Inconceivable! The Princess Bride shows as the Midnite Movie @ SMT.
Sat: Have your ever heard a death rattle? Boomtown's last night in the Subterranean space. $12 cover. Nocturnal Escape Soul Release @ 8ish.
Sun: The Jacksonville Allstars kick it in Memorial Park. Kickball game @ 2 p.m.

Artwalking with style: The Freeloader's Guide.

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 17:15:00 +0000

[click to download the completely unofficial (but more boozy and geographically sound) jaxopolitan artcrawl map]

1: OPAQ @ TSI: Art=interactive installation. Munchies=free [chew?].
2: LRK Architects: Art=hit or miss. Wine=free.
3: Florida Theatre: Art=good. Wine=free.
4: TTV Architects: Art=meh. Wine=free [crap].
5: AmSouth Bank: Art=student. Wine=bleak.
6: Bank of North Florida: Art=unknown. Wine=free. Munchies=free.
7: BellSouth Tower: Art=hit or miss. Munchies=free.
8: Café 331: Art=unknown [canvas and prints]. Wine=unconfirmed. Munchies=free.
9: River City Deli: Art=unknown [photography]. Wine=free. Munchies=free.
10: Jacksonville Bank Building: Art=good. Wine=free. Entertainment=music [PC Synergy].
11: Gold's Gym: Smoothie=free. Massage=free. Gymnasium smell=free.
12: WA Knight Building: Art=excellent. Beverages=hit or miss.
13: Chew: Art=none. Food=awesome [pay]. Entertainment=music [The Carlisle Group].
14: VyStar: Art=unknown [renderings, cityscapes]. Beverages=free. Munchies=free.
15: Bryan Building: Art=hit or miss. Wine=none. Entertainment=model drawing and painting, spoken word, music.
16: Hemming Plaza: Art=both the best and the worst. Entertainment=hit or miss [drum circle, bellydancing, scenes from The Rocky Horror Show].
17: MOCA Jacksonville: Art=good. Full bar=cash.
18: Shelby’s Coffee Shop: Art=unknown [photography]. Beverages=free. Munchies=free.
19: Needless Things: Art=unknown [glass, ceramics, canvas]. Wine=free.
20: Laura Street Gallery: Art=meh. Wine=free. Munchies=free.
21: Shugar Shack Chocolatier: Wine=free. Munchies=free [chocopop].
22: The Art Center: Art=hit or miss. Wine=free. Munchies=free.
23: Burrito Gallery: Art=good. Beverage=pay. Entertainment= music.
24: London Bridge Eatery & Pub: Art=good. Beer=free w/flyer. Entertainment=live music.

Download the official Artwalk Flyer from Downtown Vision. [DVI] [WARNING: Burrito Gallery, Central Fire Station, London Bridge and TTV Architects are all noted 1 block east of actual locations]

Shopaholics Anonymous.

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 14:15:00 +0000

Word through the grapevine is Parisian department store is going out of business (they were bought by competitor Belk).

As such, there's a serious sale going on, as they're liquidating all their inventories (especially the Parisian label). Sales are 40%-50% off-ish.

Discount shoe shopping, anyone?

Ah, the beach. Waves crashing into the sand, Cars crashing into buildings - This is the life.

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 19:13:00 +0000

A driver with an outstanding warrant for failure to appear on a DUI charge and a suspended license crashed a $100,000 Mercedes into the Surf Station in Saint Augustine.

Wait, isn't Paris Hilton supposed to be in Jail, not in St. John's County? [FCN]