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Livin' Off Love

Updated: 2018-03-05T14:52:00.603-06:00


When life turns all around


  It's been a damn rough year. A kick you in the balls so hard you want to vomit and shit at the same time type of year.

  I've been distant from blogging, and that makes me so sad. I've missed documenting so much of our lives, and I won't get that back. I miss putting my crazy thoughts down, getting it off my chest, and out of my head, and making sense of it all.

  Since Rich lost his job, it's been hard on us. We've fought more in the last year and a half than almost our entire marriage. I'm sure we've had moments when we wish we could be done, but we love each other too much. Damnit, if we can make through PTSD, and the years of working through jt, we can make this, too.
  The silver lining out of all of it? The kids got the help they needed.
   Brax was able to start speech and occupational therapy, and progressed. We had him diagnosed with adjustment disorder (so you can imagine the shitstorm if was when we uprooted him from FL to TX), potentially ADHD, he's defiant, and sensory processing disorder (SPD).
  He started pre-k this year, and we were terrified, but after adjusting to it, he's seriously kicked ass. He has some days were he's not great, but out of the last 3-4 weeks he's gotten a smile on his report every day but 3. I'll totally take it! He goes weekdays 8-3, just like everyone else in school, so he jumped into it all!

  Jilly was able to get her kidney surgery back last November, and she's been UTI free since then! That's huge! She was getting them every few weeks like clockwork, so to know she's not in pain anymore is awesome.
  She'd decided to hold off on walking til a week before she turned one, and then she was straight up running days later, and hasn't stopped. She talks a lot better than Brax ever did at her age, and uses sign language on top of it. So we'll continue learning jt, and incorporating it in our daily lives even more.

  Rich is struggling emotionally. He went from a job he loved so, so damn much, making good money to nothing. He'll make less than half of what he made last year, we barely make enough to cover the ghetto apartment, electric and cells. If we didn't have food stamps, we'd be screwed. Even then those run out so quick that we have to move bills around to put food in the fridge - some paydays we don't make it, and have to sell something. We've gotten less than 24 hours away from having to go to a food pantry. (Please note that our kids are NEVER without, ever. We always find a way to make it work, and there is always food/snacks for them, they're growing kiddos.)
  It's humbling and embarrassing all at the same time. Our families and friends have no idea of our struggles, and we keep it that way. Neither of us have ever had to go through something like this, it's new uncharted territory, and we're finding ways to make it work.
  We fought so hard to pay off debt the last few years, and we're less than 9 months away to being debt free when Rich lost his job. We didn't have a savings, we'd been putting money into debt to make it go away so we could better ourselves, and then the rug was pulled from under our feet. And now we're in even more debt than what we ever used to have since we couldnt continue to pay it off. Talk about life lessons being taught the hard damn way.

  Perk about all of it? We know how strong we are. We know we can fight, cry, get depressed, but still know we love each other. That no matter what, I'll get a highfive  and kiss from Brax, Jillian will want me to wear her and give hugs, and my husband will hold my hand through it all.
   Silver linings are there, just have to know where to find them.

How my views have changed


When I look in the mirror now I see an (almost!) 32 year old, someone who looks tired from the lack of sleep. Someone who has laugh lines, and starts of wrinkles, and tons of grey hair. Someone who's gotten more round and fluffy. One that looks down at her deflated - well, it's not deflated anymore, it's full of food - belly and longs for another baby, until the current ones start screaming. A person who still longs for more travel, more family time, more (or even one!) date nights with her husband of almost 11 years.
I see the way my husband looks at me, and know that he loves me more today, than the day he married me at our ripe ages of 20. Someone who bends over backwards, forwards, sideways and sometimes puts his head up his own ass, all because he says he's the head of the house, and taking care of us is his life mission. Someone who gets frustrated one minute, but a simple "I love you dad." softens him like butter. Someone that's still growing, and liking what he's becoming.

It's been a looooong time


   Hi world, I know it's been a while. Oh hell, who am I kidding, it's been forever. I know, I know. I miss this. If I actually completed any New Year's resolution crap, I'd totally blog about how I will do this every single day, pinky promise, I swear. Wah, wah, wah. I'll try, that's as good as I can give at the moment.

   Life has thrown some major curveballs the last, what, year or so? So much so that I don't have time, or the mental ability to go through indetail at the moment everything, so I'll bullet it.

- March: Jillian was born, spent two weeks in NICU

- May: Rich got confirmation that him, and the other guys, were being laid off... at the end of the month. Seriously scramble looking/applying for jobs.

- June: On the 1st we loaded up, and moved back to Texas since we hadn't heard back from anything. Moved in with my sister, her husband and two kids. Celebrated 10 years being married.

- July: Rich finally got a job at the end of the month. Bocephus, my wonderful old man of a Boston, passed away. Moved in with my mother upon making up. Jillian got a UTI from ecoli.

- August: Braxton started occupation and speech therapy. Jillian got a UTI from ecoli.

- September: Rich started at new company, pay/hours are a third of what he was making. Jillian got a UTI from ecoli.

- October:  Jillian got a UTI from ecoli. Braxton had his tonsils removed. I had a tubal.

- November: Made up with my dad and stepmother. Jillian got a UTI from ecoli. Jillian had surgery to repair her messed up kidney.

- December: Jillian got a UTI from ecoli, she also had the stent removed from the surgery last month. Braxton turned 4.

   And here we are, new year, new happiness? Lord, I hope so.

   I'm hoping to get back into blogging, I'm fighting some nasty post partum depression still 10 months down the line. I know a lot of it has to do with the situations at hand, add in baby blues that refuse to go the hell away, and I'm a regular basket case.
   So, here's to trying to stay motivated, and keep this up. Life has been so insane, I know I won't even believe it when I type it all out.



World (finally!) meet Jillian Marie 💜 She was born at the end of March, spent two weeks in NICU, and is now 6 weeks old. 

Lord life has been crazy!

I'm a little late posting, but.....


I'm 11 weeks this week! We'll go October 1stvyo do our first ultrasound and find out what it is! 

Parent's suck


   I'm a first time mom, obviously, and when you're knocked up you go into it all thinking of ways you want to raise your kid. For example, I was adament about toy boxes - I didn't want toys all over my house, they needed to be cleaned up, for the most part tidy. Did that happen? Hell no. I've got toys all over my house- granted I do have toy boxes, and we clean up every night, but that's just the smidge of OCD I have going on. I also didnt' want to co-sleep, which we don't unless B is super sick, otherwise HE pushes us out of his room, off his bed, etc, he doesn't want anything to do with it.    But, after your kid is finally born, you realize as they're getting older that the idea of how you'd parent them has to change. That you can't be so dead-set on what you're wanting, you have to let them guide you. We're ok with that, we let B "tell" us what he's thinking or how he's reacting to things - take potty training for instance  (which is a whole other big post), we're going through it now, and we let him "tell" us when he was ready. We'd put undies on him about once a month and see how he reacted, and up until this month, he didn't care. He let us know by getting excited when he went on the potty. Which leads to tons of positive reenforcement, B does better when you tell him what he's done good at, he's more inclinded to keep doing the action. So does that mean he gets a ticker-tape parade for putting his dirty plate on the kitchen cabinet after breakfast? Hell yes.    Yesterday evening we went to af riends house for a little gathering, and we knew it was going to be a bit difficult to take B with us because those terrible two's have reared it's horribly ugly head. He can be defiant, he can be overly excited and lovey, he's just being two.    Well when we got there we were the only ones with a kid, which was cool, B was more mellow, he walked around and did stuff, "talked" to people, whatever. Then a guy Rich works with came in with three kids (7, 5 and 10 months) and it went downhill quick. B wanted to play with and talk with the other kids, so he tried staying near them. B stole a chip off the girls plate, we reprimanded him, and moved on. B wanted to move and interact, and the person hosting the party didn't care, he'd talk to him adn play with him (he has two kids of his own, but they live with their mother) so everything was ok. But, the guy with the kids was a douche. Brax scooped up some dip with achip - which he hadn't put in his mouth, so it was double-dipping, and Rich held his hand when he did it so his fingers didn't get on the food. No big deal to us, or to anyone else that Rich saw, but it irked that guy I guess. He then asked Rich if he'd read any books about "strong willed kids" - he was insulting us, our kid and parenting.    I will be the first to admit that right now, yes, B can be a handful, but he's normally not that way - and that guy didn't know that, he'd just met me and B for the first time, but he felt the need to open his mouth and give parenting advice. I'm not one for unwarranted advice, I think if someone asks your opinion, that's one thing, but damn sure don't give it to me if I didn't ask for it.    So my evening had me in super-angry-tears after Rich told me, he was didn't tell me til after we'd left, which was nice because I don't know what I wouldn't said.    I have friends that I don't personally agree with their parenting style all the time, and I'm ok with that - as long as their kid is happy and healthy, it's not my place to give un-solicited advicet ot them, it's rude, and obviously not needed. We can all parent our children the way that we see fit, but something has shifted in our society, and we think that everyone is stupid, that they don't know what they're doing and how you're a better parent than they are.    I may be a first time parent who's doing it[...]

crazy typing while jamming full blast of "some nights" - deal with all the typos, im not ging back


sometimes i get in this awful-crazy kind of funk, and its hard to get out of it, and i haaaate it. its hard to get in a funk with a kid..... amd a husband... and pets... teenager.... family.... friends. you dont have time,nwhhich doesnt seem too damn fair to me. i mean, come on already?! i wipe your ass, clean up dishes, vaccum, have sex, listen to teenage drama, pet you, and just all around have to be everyones everything. its exhausting. its just so damn tiring simetimes. theres are just moments when you dont want to any of it for a while, just put your headphones on, blast some music thatnjust forces your body to move with out your help, your head bobbing along, throw yr hand in the air at the awesome drum hit that reverberates in your chest, and your eyes close, and you just lose yourself those few moments. sometomes its all you need to help bring yourself back to the reality youre sitting in. younrealize that after hearing the same song on repeat has been alpmost thereaputic, and you need to change it something it a little less 'funk like', something that makes younwant to get up and dance with your husband, your sick-fussy toddler and just bust out in silly dance moves that leave you in giggles.

some days as a parent, wife, confidant is tiring. sometimes its overwhleming, it can crush you if you let it. the last few months ive had a lot of these moments. so, with that being said, ill be making an appointment ti get myself on my own dose of crazy-meds. :) ive been on meds a few times to help deal woth rich's ptsd over the last eight years, so i have no qualms with saying i need some help for a bit until i cam get life back on track. my rollercoaster track is wobbly right now. but it always gets straight aain, ive got the faith to keep working on it.

Where'd the time go?!


I can't believe B is two. TWO. T-W-O! Twoooooo! It just blows my mind that he is now a toddler.

I've seen him go from walking, to jabbering in baby gobbledegook, to saying some actual words. I've seem him turn from a 7 lb 13.5 oz, 21.5" tall little baby, to my whooping 47 lb (thats another blog post!) , 38.25" tall godzilla toddler. He's my big lil'dude.

He's the light of our lives - as cheesy as that sounds - he drives us crazy, makes us smile, we lose sleep, he gives the best sugars, he rocks our world.

So, happy birthday, B!

Garage sales are my weakness


We went to three garage sales this morning, and spent $23 - not bad! We ended up with 6 shorts, a housecoat, raincoat, thick vest, 4-5 shirts, 5 pants, sweatshirts, crocs.

We got the Wall-e tub to put some of B's small toys in, a light saber, 4 dvds, a pellet gun (obviously for Rich), gyrobowl, music book....

I think thats it offhand since I cant see the pics on my phone, haha! We didnt do too bad, and we got B some bigger clothes! I wanted to find him some big toys to out up for his birthday, or Christmas, but no luck today!

Just weird


I know they make it simple for kids, but this gave me the biggest laugh earlier - it's weird, quirky, and obviously my mind was in the gutter. Haha!

Dump, Picture Dump that is


   I suck at life right now, I know, but you'll get over it Blogger'ville :) I've got a sick kid - again! So to make it easy I'll do some picture dumps really quick, and relieve myself - and allow you to get a glimpse at my so awesome kid and get your fix.  Can you tell I like my kid? Psh, whatev, I'll probably like yours too. :)

This was him a month ago I think when he got diagnosed with Croup. That shit wasn't fun for any of us.

Our friends daughter, Rose, now lives with us. She moved in the second week of school - she's a senior - while her dad is working in D.C. and unitl he get a job back down here. We were friends with her stepmom here (that's a whole other blog post, trust me) so she's just not some random teenager who lives with us. Ha! She does amazing with B, always has - they were there for us before I ever got pregnant - and a big help. (::cough:: when she's not acting like a regular hormonal teenage girl, that is ::cough::)

The picture is of her homecoming dance (seriously this town goes to the extreme for their sucky football team - they get out school early, have a freakin' parade, dress up every day the whole week of homecoming and a whole bunch of other crap. It's insane - and I"m from Texas where football is second to God himself and big hair.) and her date, Nathan.

Rosie and B hanging out on the couch one morning - they were both grumpy, as you can tell. I'm sure she doens't enjoy getting up when he does - no one gets to sleep in, you hear me? No one. If momma doesn't get to, you don't get to. Well, I say that, but Rich lets me sleep in some on the weekends, which is a Godsend, seriously.

Dude, you seriously wish your kid was as badass as mine. ;)

He was ready to go! Please note the necklaces,braclets and the pink makeup bag thing. He has no shame carrying girl stuff.
He's Superman!
Ok, he would have been if he hadn't outgrown his costume in two weeks, then he became a football player.

He tried to put on his own shorts, and decided that Rose's undies belonged on his head.

Sick kiddos are so not fun


   Tuesday when B went down for his nap, he woke up 30 minutes into it doing his "something-is-wrong-get-your-ass-in-here-cry", and when I walked him he was all clear snotty, and was puking up the clear drainage. Yay. So I clean him up, give him a milk and he stays in there another 20 minutes. But, when he gets up he's got a fever, then a rattle started in his chest, and some snot.
   Seriously, it was in a nap-time span that it went from him being ok, to him being sick!

   That night we put him to bed in his room, but after 3 hours, I kicked Rich to B's bed, and B took his spot. We don't cosleep, so that'd been the first time he's been in bed with me in about a year - neither of us slept well. Either from being next to each other - which, when he's sick, is hte only time he wants to snuggle - and him being sick and waking up a lot, we were both grumpy the next morning.
   He kept wheezing a lot - I would have done anything for a neubulizer to see if it would have helped - it freaked me out. He'd be semi-sleeping, then just sit up out of the blue and cough really hard, dislodge the phlegm, then curl back on my arm. It was so hard to watch.
   I got B an appointment yesterday at 11:10 - our pediatricians are amazing! The NP did her evaulation, and turns out he has croup. CROUP. No bueno.
   She gave him a medicine to help with the inflamation, then a steroid for his right ear - it was a little pink, so she wanted to be safe.

   I sent Rich to the health food store to pick up some essential oils (eucalyptus) to put in his cool mist humidifer to help keep his chest open - which, by the way, worked out amazingly well last night!
   So lil'man got all his meds, and finally went to sleep around 11pm, up at 130am, then again at 6am, then finally at 8am. He slept better last night, which I was so happy about.

   (On a side note, B hates cosleeping as well - last night when he was fighting sleep around 9pm, I sent Rich in there to see if he wanted him to lay down with him, and he shoved him out of bed. I went in there, curled up next to him, and I got shoved out of the bed. Seriously people, he'll shove you until you move. Haha! He's a serious this-is-my-bed-get-the-hell-out type of kiddo.)

Keeping up with his meds and temps :(

After the doc appointment we went to Walmart to try to get his meds filled asap, so we walked in the toy section and he played with the FurReal Pets (he likes the black/white pets the best, not sure as to why) and the Fijit (which we want to get him for Christmas). In the end he walked away with a plastic recorder, and a cheap tea set - he freaked out when we left the doc office and he had to put the tea set down. Haha!
B, a 16 month old who was getting her shots, and Rich. See my kid is huge.
After his nap where he puked :( Poor lil'dude.

Numero Dos


   Braxton is coming up on his second birthday, (holy hell, can you believe it?!) and that has us thinking of trying for bambino #2. We're not getting any younger - we'll be 30 next July - and we need to get to hoppin' (no pun intended) if we want them pretty close in age.

   There is a fantastic photographer named Nicole Jade who lives here in Florida, and she posted a birth photo/video of a couple, and it just made me want another. It gave me chills, made me teary eyed - add in that when B heard the music, he came and crawled in my lap, and in those very short toddler-attention-span he watched it, swayed to the music.
   He had no idea what I was watching, or the thought that were going through my head, all he knew was that mommy hugged him extra tight, kissed him too many times and fought back tears. I finally get what Kourtney Kardashian was boohoo'ing about on the final episode when she went in to have baby Penelope. (Ok, I so just said a Kardashian was right, don't stone me, ok?) Once you take that step into baby #2, the first kid's world changes. He's not longer the sole focus, he's no longer the only one who gets cuddle time in bed on weekends becuase he fights sleep. He'll have to share you with another baby, and that's tough for me to grasp.
   But I'm sure the cliche remark of "your heart grows for every kid to accomodate the love you have for them" is true - I mean, all the other motherhood BS has been so far. Haha!

   We've sat and talked about not adding another kid to the mix as well, we want to spoil the shit out of B - give him everything he could need/want - and keep him from being a spoiled brat. Haha! We think long term - I want to put him in a good private school, activities (I'm already itching to get him into toddler gymnastics!), college, a wedding, etc. It'd just be cheaper with one versus two or three.
   But, in our hearts, we know he needs atleast one sibling. We want him to grow up knowing what it's like to sit up late at night in bed talking about nonsense to your brother/sister, whispering, trying not to get caught because it's after bedtime. Who didn't enjoy doing that as a kid? I want him to know that, God forbid, aything happen to either me or Rich, he has a sibling - someone who shares his blood and same parents, who love him. See, long term.

   We're toying with the idea of #2, so we'll just have to wait and see what happens. Life has a funny way of happening - we have so much up in the air right now with Rich's job (Please send a prayer up he gets this higher position he's applying for, he seems super excited at the prospect of it. Also pray with the new contract next year,and he gets on!), we need to find a different house, we need to get a second car desperatly, and some how find that illusive thing called the Money Tree. ;-)

   So I guess just stay tuned....

Life after


   I cry at just about every single military homecoming video - it just makes me so happy to see that person come home. I'm a sap that way.     Every time I see a video, I wonder how it'd be if Rich was able to stay in. Would we be happy? There are those fleeting moment, for me, when I miss it - I miss that connection you have with other military people, the uniforms (HOT!), seeing a tank going down the road and not thinking twice about it - but getting excited when a deer is in my backyard (true story!) - I miss it all.    But, yet again, I don't.    I hated ignoring the news when Rich was deployed. I hated checking the internet and seeing we lost another person (moreso now because of Facebook, and the like), wondering if he was going to come home.    Rich is just the opposite,he misses it so much he can't stand it some days. He misses being to actually do his job, and not just teach others to do it. He misses having his "brothers in arms" beside him - he was really born to do all that military-esq type stuff.    He's toyed with the idea of going back in a few times in the last four years he's been out, but I think he's afaid I couldn't handle it again. Some of it may be true - I lost him for years after he got home, PTSD tore us apart for far too long, and I'm terrified it'll be worse if he went back.      We've never hid the fact of PTSD - for years we didn't go around fireworks, watch any military movie at all, he had nightmares where he woke up screaming, he's had his hand on my throat in his sleep from a nightmare (no worries, I was never harmed or feared for my life), I had to put our gun in a combo/key safe when he had suicidal thoughts, he didn't sleep well for years, he drank a lot (which lead to no alcohol in our home for over a year),  rolling down the back windows of a car while driving set him into a flashback and tears, we hated each other for a few years (even if he hates to admit it) -- but we made it. It was a lot to get through, and come out on the other side still together.    I MISSED him so much in those years, I can't explain it. He would be right beside me, and at the same time,not be... he was a stranger. I didn't like who he'd come back as, and he wasn't a fan either, but it took a while before he realized he had a problem. He had to go TDY to Ft. Leanorwood, there were nasty storms in the area, so all flights were cancelled, so he had to sleep on some seats in the airport, and talked to meon the phone. I honestly don't remember what all happened, or what was said, but obviously it was something that made him see what I'd been trying to tell him for months. He got help the first time there at the base.    He went through several meds (one of which made him gain 100 lbs in less than a year), therapy, and know what helped him? Getting out. Removing himself from the situation, he was able to refocus on himself, work through it all, we talked - a lot, and something just clicked in him.    Now that's not to say that fireworks don't make him upset (we take precautions on the 4th and New Years), we still can't roll down the back windows of the car, he can finally watch some military movies if I screen them first, he sleeps better, it's been a while since he's had nightmares. He's a constant work in progress, but he's moving forward in it all.       So will we be a military family again? Probably not. I think Rich'll stick with working with them, teaching his craft, and living through them when he can. We both miss the community, but think we're better off out of it right now, versus in.    But, th[...]

Another picure dump since I can't seem to make time to post like a normal human being!


Hubs turned 29 in July
(Me too, lol)

His own table/chairs

Being a bum

Happy boy!

Splashpad fun!


He's really gotten into cars lately - typical boy ;)

We put glowsticks in the tub and turned the light off, and he freeeeaked out. Seriously screamed for about 10 minutes, then picked up the sticks and thought they were awesome.

Foooood fight!

Lounging on Maggie

Hey dad, what'cha doing?

She really puts up with more than she needs too, lol

My cabinet never looks nice, he pulls it all out, and puts in back all day.

W did a late night movie a few weekends ago, we broughthim to our bed and put in Shrek, and Rich feel asleep. Haha!

He was having some bad allergies one day, so he spent a lot of time looking like this :(

Last week we went for a checkup and he came in at a whopping 37.5 inches tall, 36 pounds at a few days shy of turning 20 months. I have a future football player, watch out!

Welcome to mommyhood!


   Babies are gross... seriously. We all know the pee and poop, and you expect them to do it in their diapers like normal, right? Not my kid. No. I damn well know that if he hasn't pooped by his bathtime before bed, then he'll drop a deuce in the tub about 80% of the time.    For a while I'd yell at Rich to come scoop it out (which he's had to do by hand more than once) and I'd take B to get clothes on. But, our friends teenager came up with the most brilliant idea - a cat liter box scooper. Seriously. You can get them anywhere, we got this one at the Dollar Store, and it's been a lifesaver! He poops, we scoop. Easy enough. Well, unless it falls apart, obviously.   And speaking of poop, babies can have blowout diapers. Now, if you're lucky - on unlucky depending on now you see it - you've only had one, maybe two since so far in the nearly 19 months your kid popped out of your vagina. I'm one of the lucky ones - I have pics of his first blow out the day he came home from the hosptital, and I think he had one more after that at some point. Then he had one a few weeks ago... wow, it was horrible.    We didnt' smell anything (friends teenage daughter over again), he didn't act like he'd gone poo, so we all just sat at the breakfast table eating. When I was done, I went to take him to change his diaper/clothes for the day and it happend.... I pulled his pants off and poop popped on my arm. Seriously, it was like it had springs built in. Not only did poop jump on me, but it was from his ankles to his thighs. All. Over. Everywhere.    Now in a situation like this you'd think one would just quickly start cleaning their kids up - who, it seems to me, has just realized he's covered in shit, and is whining as well. But, no, I'm not that person. I instead scream for Rose (teenager) to bring me my phone and take a pic of it. I'm gagging so much my eyes are watering and I pee myself some. Really.    After our awesome mommy photo-op, I clean Braxton up as much as I can, and get him into the tub - there is only so much baby wipes can clean up, people! - while Rose was in charge of washign out his poop covered pants so I could put them in the washing machine.     Moral of the story: Shit happens.     Then, ontop of poop, last week Braxton puked. He's done spit-up puke, obviously, and he's also choked on a chip (Rich popped it out, B coughed a bunk, got scared and puked,a lot.) and puked - but last week was different. Projectile vomit.    Brax was eating a cookie like an Oreo, he was doing great with it! He coughed, I checked him and he wasfine, then he just puked on the table. Now that got my attention! Then he cried, puked to his right (I found it 4 feet away!), then his left, cried some more, then promptly puked on the tray of his chair, and floor.   Again I deserve the Mom of the Year award - I grabbed my camera and took a pic. Hey, he's covered in puke, he's fine, no danger! *haha!* Now after that I ran him a bath, got him dressed, and set up with a milk on his bed with a movie and a binky to calm down. I then had to clean up the crime scene he'd created - how awesome would it have been to have a pic taken of it all with crime scene tape around?! Again, I'm not built for this kind of stuff - I'm a quesy person with bodily fluids. I dry heaved a while, gagged, pissed my pants while doing it, then puked into a plastic sack where I was throwing puked-covered paper towels from B's vomit. It was like a horrible YouTube video.     Moral of the story: I dont' have one, but it's funny to know I pissed my pants twice [...]

Pic dump


We took Braxton to the splash pad, again, and he's still not a fan of it.

Awww, he was tuckered out!

He looks so darn cute.

He finds books, and brings them around all the time! My bookshelf is empty from his heighth down during the day, he just pulls everything down and just "reads" it.

Rich picked this up at Old Navy two weekeneds ago, for some reaon he likes the big eyed-giraffe, lol.

I got him a water table off of Craigslist, and he started out of it, but ended up inside it...

See, he was outside of it at one point...

Then ended up naked as a Jay bird inside it, lol.


Awww :)

My parents got his rocker when I was born, and I'm so, so excited to have it for Braxton :)

He's fine


   I know that Braxton is my kid, and that, to me, he poops glitter and his farts smell like cupcakes and all - so I'm biased, and think he's perfect. I know he's really not, trust me. But, it's come to my attention I have a friend who's made the comment  (behind my back) that she think he's developing "slow" and is "behind" what she thinks kids his age are. This irks me in so many ways, I can't explain.   Brax  learned to roll over, crawl, walk, etc all at the average age he was supposed to. His first words came at the average time as well. But, according to this friend, he doesn't speak well enough for his age. She compared him to Brynn, Bethenny Frankle's daughter - who was born in May of 2010. Brax turns just 18 months on the 13th. That gap in their ages is HUGE in baby time. Think about it, are you going to compare what a 6 month old baby can do to an 18 month old? No. If you did, you're a douche, just sayin'.   She actually said "See, this baby knows all types of words, and is even learning spanish! Braxton is so far behind, they don't know what they're doing." Seriously? Fuckin' really? I'm in agreement that I don't know what I'm doing as a parent - this is my first rodeo here, woman. I may not know what all to do when it pertains to parenting, but I do know that my kid is happy, healthy, well taken care of, and all around fine.   Brax still only says about 4 words, all the time - and they don't have to be correctly, he just says them. He knows when I say "Go find Daddy!" who I'm talking about, and things like that. Do I freak out that he's not saying more? Sure. But I know that he will, I have no doubts in that. Einstein didn't speak til he was three- so if Brax wants to take his time, I'm for it.   I know boys develop verbally slower than girls. He'd probably even speak more if we took him to playgroups, so he could interact with other kids. If I talk to him constantly, it helps (which I do, trust me, he's my only form of communication all day.), watching educational tv, blah, blah, blah.   I texted with a friend who's got two boys, and she was the same way, worried that they weren't talking. She was worried moreso with her second one not talking more - especially since the first one is so verbal - and wash doing baby talk until he was two years old. But, one day she said he just started talking normal, just out of the blue, and hasn't stopped. She told me to not worry about what other parents say, or your doctor when they get on you about what your child isn't doing right. If you're worried, then do something, but until then, just let them be a kid. I've taken that advice,and I feel ok about it.   He sits there on the floor figuring things out, how they fit inside each other, how to take it apart and put it back together, things like that. He's all boy! If he chooses to be amazing with his motor skills right now instead of talking to me, I'm ok with that. I know that when he stops what he's doing and gives me a hug for no reason, he's letting me know how he feels. I know his certain hand motions are for certain things, I know certain "baby talk words" are for certain things. I know this. I know he's ok, and screw you if you think something is wrong with him.   It just irks me right now... now that I'm a parent, I do everything in my power not to judge someone else for their parenting techniques. I may not agree with you on how you may do something, but as long as your kid is happy/healthy/etc, then I have no right to judge you. It's tough to go with that, trust me, b[...]

A moment on my box


There's an uproar over this photo, and I'm not sure as to why. Then again, I breastfeed Braxton as long as I could - whch was just shy of the 8 week mark before I dried up. Do I care they're in uniform BFing? No. They're giving their kid food - the U.S. is prudish, and needs to remove their heads from their butts.

One girl posted on Facebook (she has a mutual friend of mine) that it was tacky, and Lord please cover her boobs up. Ok, I do agree with covering it a bit more (the mom with twins), but I don't think she just pops both her boobs out infront of people. Come on, have some common sense. I have yet to see anyone I know just pop her boob out for the whole world to see and BF her baby - even with close friends who I wouldn't care, they still pull their shirt down a bit, or cover them up some, something.

Again, I think as a nation we're prudish, and need to realize they're not doing anyting wrong. If you can't handle seeing a woman BF her baby, then maybe you need to evaulate what you real feelings are about the matter.

Ok, off my soapbox now. :)

30 by 30


   I ran across and article on another blog about 30 things you should do/have/whatever by 30  -so I figured I'd go through and see where I'm at since I turn 29 in July. Yikes.  By 30, you should have:One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. ((I don't have one I can imagine going back to, but I do wonder how life would have been - aka: probably not great since he couldn't keep his keep his zipper up while dating. Haha! And I have one that reminds me of how far I've come, that's for sure.)) A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. ((Does my mattress count? We LOVE our mattress, and we got it brand new.))Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. ((I'm a purse whore, so I've got that down. I do want some awesome luggage and  a "happy" umbrella.))A youth you’re content to move beyond. ((Amen!))A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.((Bahaha - you have no idea!))The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you. ((Rich has access to everything, and vise-versa.))A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. ((I have some of the most AMAZING friends, I love them oh-so-much!))A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra. ((All but the bra- I hate those things.))Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. ((Again, purses make me happy.))The belief that you deserve it. ((Oh, I do. I may  not get to have them but once in a blue moon now, and trust me, I miss getting a new purse. But, I know I deserve it.))A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better. ((I'm a SAHM who's learning as she goes. I've also fought for my marriage when hell came barrelling through it when he came home with PTSD.))By 30, you should know:How to fall in love without losing yourself. ((That one is tough, and I didn't learn it til a few years ago when I fell in love with Rich all over again.))How you feel about having kids. ((It took having Braxton for me to realize it - but, hey, I'm ready for another!))How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. ((I can do the friendship one, the rest, nah.))When to try harder and when to walk away. ((That takes years of practice, and I'm still learning.))How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next. ((Yes sir!))The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.How to live alone, even if you don’t like to. ((Deployment will teach ya that!))How to take control of your own birthday.That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over. ((You take the good and the bad.))What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love. ((We've choosen to be happy and not make a lot o[...]

Going to drop some garage sale knowledge


   I say all the time to utilize Craigslist, the Facebook selling groups, and garage sales as much as you can when you have a kid - they outgrow everything too quick to pay full  price for it! So, why not take advantage of it while you can - becuase you know when they're teenagers they probably won't go for it! - and save some money!        We have great garage sales here sicne we're in a military town - people are having to pack up and move, and theres a weight limit to how much you can take and such, so they unload most of it before they go. (We did the same thing on our move from MS back to TX years ago) That's the perfect time to buy!     Usually garage sale "season" is middle part of the year, but this past year I saw some well into November, and started back up in March-April since we didn't really have a winter. So it's almost year round fun!    Also, they start early. Like, crazy early. Before the "spring forward" time change it starts at 6am since the sun is up, and "fall back" time it's usually 7-8am. Those 6am days are brutal - that means I'm up at 5:15am, eat some cereal, stop at Starbucks maybe, hit the ATM up, then be at my first sale atleast 15 minutes beforehand. You need to be there early incase you have re-salers like we do here - they literally come with big trailers and hit up every garage sale they can, load it up, and then go park on the side of the road and double the price of something  to try to make a profit. They're awful.    With your smartphones you can download the Craigslist app, and keep tabs on what garage sales are going on, and map them. I tend to do that the night before-  I"ll sit down and see which side of twon has the most garage sales going on, then map it and put them in order according to my biggest "want", then time, and location so you're not wasting precious gas.    The worst part for me is haggling, I suck at it. Usually Rich does it for me - which he has really gotten into garge saling - and we can get out cheaper. That $200+ crib bedding we got for $10? Rich. A $40+ dollar kid toy that looked brand new and B loves, $1. Rich. You have to feel the seller out, see if they prefer to talk to the women or men, and let that person do the haggling. Even if you save a buck, tha'ts a buck you can put towards something at another sale.    Here's some of the stuff I got this past week, what they were asking for it, and what we got it for. :)This is the twin bed Mom bought for Braxton - which we looove! It came with two mattresses (there is a trundle under there!), a super thick memory foam topper and the bed itself. They were asking $325, I got her down to $275. The Monster bedding was a different story, there was no haggling, no budging. But, it was still a steal! The twin bedding alone retails for $89 (That's another thing, if you have a smartphone, look the price of something up and haggle with it - try to always get it for a third of the orginal price!!), the green rub was $60, the individutal monsters run about $20 each, not counting the body pillow, mini pillow and shower curtain. We got it all for $60, and it's never been used. That's a steal, and worth paying their full asking price. Across the street from me is some grandparents who raise their grandkids, and they do a sale a few times a year to sell all the stuff they've outgrown. We got this pile, and the chair a few pics down for $5, they were asking $8 - not a big difference, but aga[...]

Picture dump


These didn't come out in order :( Ah well, atleast I posted something, it's been a hot-minute!
I took Braxton to the splash pad at the park, he was iffy on it. I thought he'd go batshit crazy since he loves water, but he didn't care too much for it. It may have been because there were older kids there though.

Brax had about 6 inches before he was too tall for his toddler bed, so Mom got him a twin bed :) It's got a trundle underneath, so it it's a double-win! The bedding is Alex the Moody Monster, and I love it. It's super bright and cute. Perk? Both off of Craigslist - and the bedding was never used.

We got another dog two weeks ago, her name is Maggie. :) She's a 4 year old full-blood black Lab, and sweet as pie. She was raised with a 3 and 6 year old boys, so a 17 month old toddler isn't a stretch for her. She's tolerant - and she has to be with Brax, he's always loving on her when he gets the chance.

One, my kid is 17 months old, and digging for gold. He's a winner. ;) Two, see Maggie behind him? She's his new couch.

More splash pad fun.

Yuuuum, peanut butter and Nutella sandwich :)

When it comes to water, B is usually naked. So, here he is outside one day playing with the waterhose  beside his too-small-kiddie-pool naked as a jaybird.

Hello? Anyone home?!
(This was a day or two before we shaved his head - and I won't do that again.)

Laying on his back in the tub - see, a water baby :)

That's all he had left in his toddler bed last week. Yikes.

First night in his bed, and he was snoozin'!

We look for these Mardi Gras beads everywhere, and just keep adding them to his pile - he loves them.

His shirt is slimey-wet from his sucker. Eww.

See, a Maggie pillow! This was two hours after we brought her home!

A draft I never posted


   There are days when I wonder if I'm cut out to be a stay-at-home-mom, those are usually the days when Braxton is a heathen child sent here to open the doors of hell. *lol* Ok, maybe he's not that bad, but there are days he is just.... defiant. Pig-headed. Stubborn. Just an all around asshole.
    Yes, I just called my toddler and asshole, sue me, he can be.
   Brax is learning he's not part of me or Richard, that he's his own person - woohoo! - but, that also means he's going to push our buttons and test the limits as much as he can.
   One day he got mad because I wouldn't let him keep playing with the light switch, and was going to put him down so I could go clean the kitchen, so he inturn bit through my shirt onto my upper arm and drew blood. Again, through my shirt people! Needless to say I wasn't a happy camper for a while.
    So there are days when I just keep checking the clock to see how much longer til Rich gets home and I can have a few minutes to myself - which usually  means I'm either going to the bathroom to read (come on, you know you do it too) or cleaning something - but atleast for a few minutes I'm alone doing it.
    As a SAHM you need those alone times or you'll go crazy, trust me, I know. After Brax was first born I tried to do everything myself and not ask for help - which inturn meant that I needed Rich to just know what I needed help with, which lead to some n asty fights because neither of us was communicating. That's  bad.
   After a while I finally confessed I was going crazy, and I needed to have some alone time since I valued my sanity, so we made it work. At first it was taking a shower without b eing interrupted, then it became half an hour after he came home from work (even if ithat meant I was cooking or something), then it was going to lunch with a friend, and somestimes it's me going to a garge sale without either of them and I'm gone a few hours. So, new moms, take the time away, the baby will be fine. :)

Baby fever like a mo'fo


   Braxton turned 17 months on Mother's Day- which I think he forgot he was supposed to be nice to me, and instead was a semi-demon child. Thanks to Rich for trying to keep him at bay, but it didn't work. What demon baby wants, demon baby gets. Haha!
    I joke around that he's a demon baby (trust me, that day he was) but there are more good days than bad - which I'm thankful for.

   I keep thinking that he needs a playmate, a sibling, something! Yea, you read that right, I've got baby on the brain. I keep thinking that if I've done one baby basically alone - with Rich's help, of course - already, why not shoot for two (maybe three if we can win the lottery, haha) and get it out of the way.
   Sure, sure it'll be tough - I'm enjoying sleep now, and then one day I know it'll be gone when I get knocked up again, but I think it's time.
   Winning the lottery is the problem, babies are crazy expensive. We gave away our crib - it was a drop-side and Godzilla baby gave it hell - so we'll have to buy another one. But, thanks to Craigslist, we can afford to get a nice one at a fraction of the price. Same with the walker, and a double stroller (we kept our amazing travel systerm by Chicco), high chair, and clothes if the next potential baby is a girl.
   We hit up a garage sale a few months back and got a beautiful crib set that was gener neutral, and I wish I could remember who makes it because when I googled it was $200 for it, and we got it for... wait for it... seriously, it's amazeballs.... $10 freakin' dollars. Yes. $10. So, that was a score. :)
   So, anyway, back to baby brain. It sucks. Whenever I see other bloggers posting they're pregnant or pushing a watermelon out of the who-ha, it makes my uterus jump. Two reasons, one I want to do that again, but two, that shit hurts.
   The worst thing fo rme to do is watch and seeing how people tell their loved ones they've got another human being growing in them, and it makes me happy, and sad all at once. I want to do that, I want people to get excited and whoop'n holler because of it all. I want that. Can I hire actors to do it for me? I might.

   As of right now I"ll have to put the baby brain on pause, even if I wanted to try right now I couldn't. I have the Mirena still up in there, and that kind of puts a hold on everything. When our new insurance kicks in in August we'll know better when we can give it a whirl. I'm still paying off B's birth now, and the $1,200 a month insurance payment is a killer by itself. So bringing another baby into the mix means double the diapers/wipes (though I'd rather cloth diaper the next one), formula is crazy expensive, and B eats like a horse, so add in regular food. It adds up.
    So, dear future fetus, I shall wait on you.... impatiently. :)

Summer Lovin'!


It's already hot, which sucks, but B will take any chance he can to play in the water. :) So I filled up one of his small pools outside and let him have some fun!