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Jackie Kendall

Updated: 2018-03-07T17:19:35.292-05:00


Delusions of Personal Sovereignty


“Delusions of Personal Sovereignty”            Recently while reading a book on handling the crazy makers in our lives, I came across a statement that rocked my soul and I knew I would be sharing it with those I love. The first person I called was our daughter. I was telling her that I daily acknowledge my propensity to anxiety and control but I now see more clearly the WHY of my Default setting on anxiety and control. So what was the quote that caused a fresh epiphany?  Drum roll:“Control is a tranquilizer for the anxious person.”I pondered that thought a long time before I called Jessi. How simple to realize that the moment I become anxious, I put on my junior-god badge button and become a Control Freak. The more anxious I am, the more controlling I am! How ironic that God’s Word clearly states: “Be anxious for NOTHING…” which would guide one to the parallel reality of WHO is in control and who isn’t! As Jessi pondered what I shared, later in the day she emailed me the following:Many of your struggles are often the result of a collision between your plans and God's. Although you knew exactly what you wanted to accomplish and those things that you were determined to avoid, your life didn't unfold as you planned. In some scenarios, it seems as if life is totally out of your control. But, you must rest in the fact that every situation, circumstance, location, experience, and relationship of your life has been under the wise and careful administration of the Lord Almighty .He has known from the beginning exactly what He was going to do and exactly why He did it. From His vantage point there are no slip-ups, no oversights, no accidents, no misunderstandings, and no mistakes. Nothing has fallen through the cracks. Let's go back to Psalm 139: "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139:16b).There's a direct connection between delusions of personal sovereignty and the crushing disappointments that grip us in life. We forget who we are and begin to believe that our hands are really the hands on the joystick. We work with dedication and perseverance, but we work like little sovereigns, rather than resting in the One who is sovereign. God is sovereign. You and I are not. (Paul Trip Blog, Feb.20th)“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there we none of them.”(Psalm 139:16)May this scripture be a friendly reminder of God’s intricate plan for our lives. It is a reminder to me of the silliness of my delusion personal sovereignty and my need to resist using the tranquilizer of control.[...]

"Just Another Day Outside the Garden" October 15,2012


When I was young, I used to be surprised by the bad things that happened to God’s people. I may have been immature enough to entertain the thought that a relationship with God would mean immunization against suffering. I have met hundreds of believers who are like Job’s friends who always assume that suffering is a consequence of one’s disobedience. Recently during several back to back trials, I was sharing with a friend about the confidence that these trials were not judgment but rather “just another day outside the garden.” As I said that phrase it, it captured my heart and has become an encouraging guard on my soul whenever disappointment knocks on my door again. Job penned a description that clearly frames “just another day outside the Garden.”

“Man born of woman is of few days and full of trouble.” Job 14:1

 Notice that the days are FEW but these few days are FULL of trouble. Personally I would prefer having full days with few troubles. When I looked up the word “trouble” in Hebrew it means violent emotion of anger, fear, tremble, torment, rage and restlessness. Consider the reality that man’s days are full of these negative synonyms.  These synonyms are so negative but they are part of “just another day outside the garden.” Although my relationship with God is not immunization against torment, restlessness or trials, my relationship with God gives me privileged access to sufficient grace that sustains me during a day “full of trouble.”

Treasures Missed While Waiting for Perfection

As I have been meditating on this phrase, I have encountered one more nugget. During a moment of great challenge and chaos, I almost passed on time spent with dear friends. The chaos (house half-flooded) seemed like a justifiable “excuse” to not have friends from Seattle stay in our home. Ken and I decided to graciously welcome our friends and we learned an invaluable lesson. Too often people miss the treasures that are hidden amidst the chaos of our lives while waiting for perfection to be restored or attained. Having guests in our home during the flood chaos, allowed for moments of priceless fellowship that we would have missed waiting for our house to be returned to “perfection!”



This morning I was writing to encourage a very discouraged friend. As my heart was breaking for her, the LORD reminded me of the "Anti-Doubt" journal that He led me to make. Then I realized that an "Anti-Doubt" journal would be a great New Year's Resolution for anyone in 2011. This journal can lead you from the "canyon of crazy" to the "a highway of hope."
Go to Barnes and Noble and buy yourself a NEW JOURNAL. This journal is going to be YOUR Anti-Doubt Journal. The only thing you are going to write in it are the Scriptures that God has IN THE PAST and WILL IN THE FUTURE give you to comfort you and sustain you while you live with dreams that have not come true or shattered dreams.
Here is the verse that is the basis of this journal: "You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the LROD your God gave you has failed." Joshua 23:14
As you record the particular scrptures in your Anti-Doubt Journa, the reminder will become such comfort. Remember the key to our peace and our deliverance from the "crazy canyon" is inextricably linked to God's Word."





Sometimes It Feels Like God is Trying to Kill Us!


“Sometimes it feels like God is trying to kill us –when what He is doing is trying to save us—saving us from loving anyone or anything more supremely than HIM!” (my version of something Tim Keller said). I spent most of yesterday asking God forgiveness--this comment so pierced me--I had been whining. I know that whining is just anger squeezed through a tiny hole. And then the Lord reminded me of a devotional I wrote years ago about not wanting to be buried like Moses in the wilderness--because of my demanding spirit which is manifested through angry whining. I only whine because I love MY COMFORT & My AGENDA more than my GLORIOUS FATHER! My comfort has become a counterfeit god in my life—and I often whine when my COMFORT is disturbed!

For several years, whenever I would read about Moses' anger and the consequence of being deprived of entering the Promised Land, I would grieve that my anger, like Moses’, would cost me the Promised Land (I don't mean heaven, but my inheritance in Jesus). This year, when I read through this passage, I saw that Moses’ anger was a symptom of his lack of trust. I had felt sorry for Moses, because I felt his frustration and anger with a rebellious group of people was a justified anger. After all, Moses was frustrated with a people who could actually doubt after witnessing the parting of the Red Sea! Then God showed me that even Moses, a man of great faith (Heb.11:23-29), struggled with trusting God, and this was manifested through his anger. Whenever I am angry, I consider not only the person or circumstance but also the extent that I am not trusting God. I do not want my tombstone in Moab (Deut.34:1,5-6).

Whether it is anger or lack of trust…my grumbling and complaining is a casual despising of God’s Sovereignty—ouch! Forgive me Jesus!


Do You Know a Modern “Bezalel?”


(An Early Gift for Your Easter Basket!)

When it was time to build the Tabernacle in the Wilderness, Moses didn’t start taking resumes from skilled craftsmen because he knew God had already chosen the man who was the most skilled, gifted and filled with the Spirit of God. The man chosen was “Bezalel” and his name means: “in the shadow of God.” This man operating in “God’s shadow” built a perfect reflection of God’s script (Exodus 31:1-5).

I have been blessed with a modern “Bezalel” who I shared my heart’s vision about an on-line, free Bible study to give to the world—based on my book Free Yourself to Love. I gave him such “rough, inadequate” ideas and he created something that I am reeling in awe about and I couldn’t wait to tell you about it. Wait until you log on and see what Jim Olsen built for the ministry of this message to the world. I want you to know where the “rough draft” came from before you see the incredible work of a modern “Bezalel.”

This study guide was birthed from my preparation for a class I taught on my new book: Free Yourself to Love: The Liberating Power of Forgiveness. To prepare for this class, I decided to comb through every sentence of each chapter to find the nuggets that I couldn’t bear for someone to miss from the chapter. Each week the class received copies of “Jackie’s must have nuggets.” The class I taught was composed of men and women—each week we went through these must-have nuggets, and one of the participants described them as “cliff notes” for Free Yourself to Love. When the class ended, I realized that my “cliff notes” and quotes would help others who would like to work through this book on forgiveness. So I combined the class notes with the questions at the end of each chapter of the book. These notes, quotes, and discussion questions can be used in various venues: Bible study, Book clubs, SS Class, or home study groups.

Also available with these “cliff notes” from the book are DVD clips (each less than 5 minutes each; there are 8 clips for the study—not every chapter has a clip) of my teaching various aspects of the forgiveness message. These clips are available on this site to download—free of charge! The outlines are also free for downloading for your group.

DRUM ROLL!!! Are you ready for this awesome gift? Then go to and see what a “modern” Bezalel created to help take this liberating message to the world. Help us spread the word—click on and go deeper into the heart of having the unoffendable heart of Jesus.


A Valentine from M & E


Reading through the Bible every year is like a reunion with old friends. Recently I began to tear up realizing that I was going to be “reading” not only a familiar passage but verses that profoundly impacted my life.

“Joseph named his older son Manasseh, for he said, ‘God has made me forget all my troubles and everyone in my father’s family. Joseph named his second son Ephraim, for he said, ‘God has made me fruitful in this land of my grief.’”(Gen.41:51,52)

As I read this verse, the Lord gave me a fresh thought. Fruitfulness in grief (suffering) is possible but not without forgetting—letting go(forgiving) the past. For 18 years I have been wearing a bracelet with the name Ephraim on it. Declaring to all that God can make you “fruitful in suffering.” Now I see that Ephraim is only part of the healing equation. Manasseh--forgetting…letting go…forgiving the past and the people who comprise the painful past—the equation is M & E. Whenever you are facing grief or someone you love is facing grief/suffering—pray for the blessing of Manasseh & Ephraim (Gen. 48:20). When a person suffers, their view of God is sometimes blurred. M & E can help with adjusting one’s view and the person will end up with perfect vision—“50/20” as demonstrated in Genesis 50:20.

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.”

I know that 20/20 is perfect vision physically but 50/20 is perfect vision spiritually.
May the blessing of M & E be a Valentine for your heart this year.

A bonus thought: my life was profoundly impacted by a college professor who taught me the incomparable significance of a consistent, daily growing relationship with Jesus through time in His Word. This college professor was M.E. Cravens. Oh the impact of M.E. in the Word and in life!


Friends We All Need in 2010!


(Do You Have Friends Like Daniel?)

I was thinking about Daniel, “a man greatly beloved” of God (Daniel 10:11). In Hebrew, “beloved” means not only “great delight” and “great desire” but also “delectable.” Wow, Daniel’s life was actually delectable to God. What amazing favor. Tears filled my eyes because my heart yearned for my own life to be “delectable” to God.

As I looked more closely at Daniel’s life, I read about his three friends, and the Lord showed me something truly exciting. We know Daniel’s friends as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego - the names they were given in captivity in Babylon. Their not-so-famous Hebrew names were Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. As I studied the Hebrew translations and meanings of these names, I discovered what kind of friends Daniel had, the kind we all need: friends who want passionately to follow Jesus.

Hananiah means: The Lord is Gracious
Mishael means: The Lord is my help
Azariah means: Who is Like our God?

Just imagine! Their very names held the messages those friends needed to give one another when all three were cast into the fiery furnace (Daniel 3). Their names described the gracious, incomparable, helping God who showed up in the furnace as the fourth man. The Lord, who walked in the fiery furnace with them, was the embodiment of all three of their names!!!

Do you have friends that remind you that the Lord is gracious (Jehovah-raah), that He is our helper (El Shaddai), and that He is an incomparable God (El Elyon)? As we associate with others, we become a reflection of those with whom we spend time (Amos 3:3; Proverbs 13:20). Can people in your life see that you have been hanging out with friends like those Daniel had?

I want to be like Daniel’s friends.

Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah had their names changed by the Babylonian captors but their captors couldn’t change their hearts - their hearts remained passionately committed to their Incomparable God. I pray that you and I will be a reminder of God’s gracious, incomparable help to those who know us - especially to those who are about to go into a fiery trial.


Has Pain Outrun Your Faith This Year?


Ten years ago, our son Ben shared something that touched me profoundly. He said, “You know mom, I think that the bitterness and cynicism that you are encountering in so many Christians flows from a heart where pain has outrun their faith.” I have shared that quote hundreds of times but just recently while studying chapter two of Revelations did I found a reminder of Ben’s musing.

“I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance…I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my Names’ sake, and you have not grown weary. BUT I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.”(Rev. 2:2-4)

I am constantly meeting Christians who have “patiently endured” so many painful things but they don’t even notice that their “faith is being outrun by their pain.” They often don’t notice that their patience endurance of a great trial--though so noble—has subtly given them permission to abandon their first love. How does one know if one’s faith has been outrun by the trials of 2009? Ask the Lord to reveal if there is any free floating bitterness, resentment, discouragement or cynicism in your heart that you don’t recall being their in 2008. Maybe you have noticed a “low grade fever” in your soul that you can’t seem to describe or dispel.

I don’t mean to be simplistic—but our faith needs to be growing daily through our quiet times with Jesus and His Word—so that our faith can be strong enough to not only endure but endure without slowing abandoning our passionate love for Jesus. Faith is not some special POTION you can buy at Nordstrom or Wal-Mart. Faith is a direct result of spending some time each day with the Living Word (Heb.4:12)—so that we will be able to tenaciously hang on to God’s love, even when our life circumstances seem to challenge His love for us!

Give yourself the best Christmas gift—get a One Year Bible and make the choice to strengthen your faith daily—so that your faith will be able to “outrun the trials and pain” that are inevitable in the days ahead—as long as you have a pulse! With a growing faith—we can embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.


Seven Life-Changing Syllables


This is a story from The Furious Longing of God by Brennan Manning. While teaching the class The Art & Science of Forgiveness, this story was read to open the third night of the class. This morning the Lord nudged my heart and I knew it was going to be the next HOPE ALERT.I will never forget a retreat experience years ago in the Midwest. It was a rather large gathering, about 7,000 people. An invitation for healing prayer followed each night’s service; I would go into a side room and meet with those who felt compelled to come. On one particular night, the line extended well beyond midnight and after finishing, I went straight to bed, not even taking my clothes off I was so exhausted. About three o’clock in the morning, I heard a rap on the door and a squeaky little voice: ‘Brennan, can I talk to you?’ I opened the door to find a 78 year old nun. And she began to cry. ‘Sister: What can I do for you?’ We found two chairs in the hallway and her story began. ‘I’ve never told anyone this in my entire life. It started when I was five years old. My father would crawl into my bed with no clothes on. He would touch me there; he said it’s what our family doctor said we should do. When I was nine, my father took my virginity. By the time I was twelve, I knew of every kind of sexual perversion you read about in dirty books. Brennan, do you have any idea how dirty I feel? I’ve lived with so much hatred of my father and hatred of myself that I would only go to Communion when my absence would be conspicuous.” In the next few minutes, I prayed with her for healing. Then I asked her if she would find a quiet place every morning for the next thirty days, sit down in a chair, close her eyes, upturn her palms, and pray this one phrase over and over: ABBA, I belong to You.It’s a prayer of exactly seven syllables, the number that corresponds perfectly to the rhythm of our breathing. As you inhale—ABBA. As you exhale—I belong to you.Through her tears she agreed…One of the most moving and poetic follow-up letters I’ve ever received came from this sister. In it she described the inner healing of her heart, a complete forgiveness of her father, and an inner peace she’d never known in her 78 years. She concluded her letter with these words: “A year ago, I would’ve’ signed this letter with my real name in religious life—Sister Mary Genevieve. But form now on,I’m Daddy’s little girl.There are tear drops on my copy of this book—and I can’t tell you how often I breathe—Abba I belong to You! Forgiveness and healing is a process but oh the privilege to be helping so many with this journey. Why not consider for this Christmas, a stocking stuffer to encourage a person’s liberating freedom from the past through forgiving freely as Abba as forgiven you and I? A sign on I-75 north of Gainesville, Florida reads: “Forgiving others is an absolute necessity!” Help me spread the good news-- order Free Yourself to Love: The Liberating Power of Forgiveness. Click on this link: and place your order now. After pre-ordering the book on Amazon, forward your email confirmation to You will receive a password to access to the on-line DVD of Forgiving the Unforgivable.[...]

Almost An Extinct Breed: Good Friends


Recently an old friend read me a poem and afterwards said with deep emotion: “You are one of the few people on this planet that such a poem describes.” My response: “That makes me so sad—to hear that such a GOOD FRIEND is an exceptional thing—especially in the life of such a fabulous follower of Jesus!” I thought about her comments and the poem for several days and I decided that I wanted to share it with all of you. May you examine your heart and see whether you offer such friendship to those that God has brought into your life. I think Christians should be exceptional friends.

On Friendship by George Elliott
Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person:
Having neither to weigh thought nor measure words;
But to pour them out just as they are, chaff and grain together,
Knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them,
Keep what is worth keeping and then
With a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.

True friendship is a ministry of encouragement:
“Encouragement is the kind expression that helps someone want to be a better Christian even when life is rough.” (Dr. Larry Crabb)
“Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”(Gal.6:2)
“A friend loves at all times…” (Prov. 17:17)
“No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends.”(John 15:13)

Laying down one’s life for a friend in the 21st century will cost you time, focused attention and compassion that resists a rush to judgment.
Are you such a friend as G. Elliott and Jesus described?
If you haven’t been this kind of friend in awhile...consider a schedule adjustment that has time for “kindly listening and sifting!”
Have you registered for the FREE YOURSELF TO LOVE CONFERENCE, November 7, 2009? It is this Saturday. You can still register today, call 1-800-965-9324 or go to
- Common lies that Wreck our relationships
- Happiness Fantasy
- Normalize Fighting
- Men are not Clairvoyant
- Dangerous “Just Friends” syndrome
- My Loved One Should Make Me Happy!
- The dependency that strangles love
- And many more “memos to strengthen relationship


Your Spiritual EpiPen


While teaching my class on the Art & Science of Forgiveness, the Lord dropped a cool illustration into my heart. I was trying to communicate the significance of letting God comfort us…heal us…restore us through His Word. As I was sharing passionately, I saw an EpiPen (helps stop allergic reactions fast - giving you time to get the emergency medical help you need. These are used to stop anaphylaxis shock—it rescues the one struggling.) I began to share how suffering is like going into “anaphylaxis shock” and God’s Word is like the Epi Pen that restores and saves one’s life. Daily we live in a world that we are spiritually “allergic to” and we daily need a “jab” from an Epi Pen!

“If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction. I will never forget your precepts, for by them(EpiPen) you have given me life. (Ps. 119:92, 93)

Suffering and affliction can be like a ‘sucker punch’ to one’s stomach—taking one’s breathe away” and the “EpiPen” of God’s Word can restore one’s breathe! Spending time in God’s Word daily is like taking along an “EpiPen” everywhere you go…a woman carrying it in her purse and a man carrying it in his pocket. Ready for the next challenge that takes your breathe away and your Spiritual EpiPen will be ready to use and restore you back to hope-filled breathe!

“EpiPen for Relationships”
Have you registered for the FREE YOURSELF TO LOVE CONFERENCE, November 7, 2009? The frame for this conference is forgiveness but the content is much broader!
It will be like an “EpiPen” for Relationships.” We will be teaching on:
Common lies that Wreck our relationships
Happiness Fantasy
Normalize Fighting
Men are not Clairvoyant
Dangerous “Just Friends” syndrome
My Loved One Should Make Me Happy!
The dependency that strangles love
And many more “memos to strengthen relationships”


An Epidemic of Exhaustion Among God’s Kids


Jesus said to His followers: “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”(Matt. 11:28-30)

It seems to me that many of God’s kids are carrying ill-fitting heavy burdens. In the 18th century John Wesley got a glimpse of the unforced rhythms of grace. It is captured in what I would call the “JW Principle: Haste with a Calm Spirit.”

“Though I am always in haste, I am never in a hurry, because I neverundertake more work than I can go through with calmness of spirit."
(John Wesley)

I am trying to apply the JW Principle of Haste with a Calm Spirit. When there are MANY things screaming for my attention, I evaluate the projects with this phrase in mind--WHAT CAN I DO AND REMAIN CALM IN SPIRIT?My desk, dining room table and kitchen counter were SCREAMING FORATTENTION TO ALL THE PAPER WORK--then I got a call from a dearfriend whose mother-in-law was just killed in a car accident. What can I do in CALMNESS OF SPIRIT???

Applying the “JW Principle” I am able to listen to the Holy Nudge of God and I decide to drive to my friend’s house and weep with those that weep. Then I calmly offer to drive them to the airport. At 5:32 pm my desk, dining room table and counter tops are still piled high with paper work, but dinner is in the oven and I am leaving for the airport to shuttle my precious grieving friends to the airport—all with haste but a calm spirit!

The other day a friend called and asked if I could go somewhere in a few moments with her—a spontaneous request. I paused and asked myself...can I squeeze this in and remain CALM IN SPIRIT...the answer was clear-- NO!!She was disappointed but the calmness in my spirit was so satisfying that Iwasn't thrown into a whirlwind of guilt over saying no to my preciousfriend. I am still busy but my inner woman is more peaceful thanks to BROTHERWESLEY!

In order to apply the “JW Principle” one must surrender his/her junior-god-badge and resign from trying to tame an untamable world. Are you ready to retire from being HCIC (Head Chick in Charge) or HRIC (Head Rooster in Charge)? Early retirement from an “ill-fitted” burden is within our grasp today: Psalm 46:10.
May our week be filled with the blessing of haste with a calm spirit!


Free Yourself To Love Conference


Have you registered for the Free Yourself to Love Conference with Ken and Jackie Kendall? It is Saturday, November 7th from 9am to 3pm. It will be held at Grace Fellowship. To register go to or call 1-800-965-9325.

Is There "Ancient" Anger Stored Away in Your Attic?


One of the primary reasons many of us don’t forgive is that we’re too angry even to consider it. We may or may not be aware of the anger we live with day to day. For plenty of people, the anger that holds them hostage to unforgiveness is a rage stored deep in the attics of their hearts. I refer to this as “ancient anger.” Ancient anger is like cobwebs strung across the attics of our hearts, and these cobwebs need to be removed. Frederick Buechner wrote about ancient anger:

Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back—in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton you feast on is you.1
It is time to call a cleaning crew to clear out the cobwebs of anger. This cleaning crew can include a pastor, professional counselor, Bible study leader, Sunday school teacher, a prayer partner, or a spiritually mature friend—anyone who will really go in there with you for a thorough cleaning. Let me tell you that if that mass of cobwebs isn’t cleaned out, you can pretty much count on the unlikeliness of becoming free from unforgiveness. The cobwebs of ancient anger will tangle you up!
As we know, the Bible has a lot to say about anger. Does it address ancient anger? Yes, it does! Essentially we are exhorted to not even permit anger to age, much less become ancient. A memorable verse that comes to mind when considering the danger of prolonging anger is Ephesians 4:26–27: “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
(Free Yourself to Love: The Liberating Power of Forgiveness, pp. 140,141)


Don’t Let Memories Drag You Back into Rage


Returning memories and fresh details of offense can drag you back into the anger that once ruled you. This is all part of the process of forgiving. Forgiveness is both instantaneous and continuous. I forgive my offender instantaneously and then a few weeks or years later, through a vivid memory of the offense, I forgive again—and again (continuously).

A survivor of the Rwandan holocaust expresses this:

My soul was at war with itself. I’d struggled so hard to forgive but now felt duped for having done so. . . . When my neighbors whispered the stories of my family’s sadistic murders in my ear, the feeling of hatred that I thought I’d banished from my soul sprang violently from the depths of my being with renewed vigor. . . . I tossed and turned for hours. . . . I rolled out of bed and got down on my knees. “Forgive my evil thoughts, God.” A sudden rush of air flooded my lungs. I heaved a heavy sigh of relief. The anger that had gripped me like a returning malignancy was gone.4
This woman’s courage to forgive what many would consider an offense too great, with memories far too relentless and vivid, is absolutely stunning.

Instead of resenting memories, one can rejoice that God wants to free us from ruling emotions that are not healthy or beneficial to ourselves or those around us. So often when I teach on forgiveness, people remark to me afterward that they were having flashbacks while I was teaching. I now alert my audiences about the potential for this and tell them not to fear the memories. Rather, they should fear shoving down more pain that will eventually rise up to rule as a despot.

When a memory or flashback intrudes on your day, examine it and consider this: Have I already forgiven this person and released this event? Or have I buried the hurt and anger, and am I still being ruled by what is buried? As David Seamands wrote: “The submerged emotions rise up and express themselves in feelings of deep depression, rage, uncontrollable lust, inferiority, fear, loneliness, and rejection.”3

The next time your brain sends you a memory, flashback, or dream, remember your need for homeostasis and rejoice that you know the 490 Principle (forgive 70 x 7—forgiving again). Practicing this principle is helping you achieve a PhD in Forgiveness—ultimate Christ-likeness. And becoming experts in forgiveness frees us to be experts in loving others. Memories are not the enemy but a vehicle for truth in the innermost part of our souls.

If you are still interested in attending the course on “The Art & Science of Forgiveness,” please come. This class is held on Wednesday’s at Grace Fellowship starting at 7:00 PM and ending at 8:10 PM (so parents can pick up kids when kids’ events end at 8:15 PM). The room is #500 (over the gym). Men and Women are both welcome and childcare is available. The only expense for this class is to get a copy of the book Free Yourself to Love. This book and your Bible will be the class texts.


A Birth Out of Barrenness


Tomorrow, September 1, 2009 a new book arrives in stores and on title of the book is: Lady in Waiting for Little Girls: Strengthening the Heart of Your Princess. This book is the offspring of the best-selling book Lady in Waiting. As a single woman, DeDe Kendall was mentored by Jackie Kendall in the principles from Lady in Waiting. During her prolonged singleness (until 40 years old!) DeDe taught these principles to singles, teens and college students. DeDe, a classic “lady in waiting,” finally did marry her prince charming. Having dreamed of being a mother since she was a little girl, DeDe was now anxious to have a baby and was so excited about the prospect of such a blessing. However, during her first year of marriage she was to discover that she was not going to have a baby of her own, but that she was, in fact, infertile.For many people, living with such a shattered dream amounts to a lifetime of being slashed and bruised by broken shards. But for DeDe, the challenge to live with this shattered dream was not wasted. With God’s help, she would create from those shards a beautiful stained-glass window. DeDe returned to what she knew best: teaching the ten principles of Lady in Waiting. The Lord showed DeDe that although she was physically infertile, spiritually she had thousands of children. She had been mentoring, teaching and inspiring little girls for 36 years, and each of these girls was a precious piece in her mosaic. So it was that DeDe, the vice-principal of a Christian elementary school, began to teach Lady in Waiting to elementary students. This passion was the preparation for a wonderful birth that was to happen.In DeDe’s 50th year, God showed her that He had something very special for this contented barren woman. Her sister-in-law, Jackie Kendall, was approached about writing a younger girls’ version of her book, Lady in Waiting, and she agreed only because she would have DeDe as a co-author. DeDe knew this opportunity to co-write a book with her mentor, sister-in-law and best friend was a dream come true. Indeed, it was to become more than book project, it was her “baby”— a baby birthed from an infertile woman--Lady in Waiting for Little Girls: Strengthening the Heart of Your Princess.In Beth Moore’s series on the book of Esther, she teaches the principle of the “reversal of destiny,” where God uses situations, and often difficult ones, as turning points in our lives. DeDe believes that writing this book for moms and their daughters is God’s reversal of destiny in her life. Infertility did not keep DeDe from mothering and loving thousands of children as the beloved “Miss DeDe.” And now Miss DeDe will mentor thousands of moms and daughters through this gift: Lady in Waiting for Little Girls: Strengthening the Heart of Your Princess.Be the first to order this unique Mother/Daughter book—introducing your daughter(s) for the first time to the timeless principles from the best selling book of Lady in Waiting. Every fairy tale has a moment when the prince finally dances with the leading lady. A little girl’s devotion to God should be similar to that of a princess dancing with her Prince. Lady in Waiting for Little Girls is a mother-daughter mentoring book that is to be enjoyed together (girls ages 5—9). Order today on[...]

Global Forgiveness Day


I absolutely squealed out loud when someone told me that three days from today, August 27th is Global Forgiveness Day. All I could think is—I wrote a book that helps a person celebrate GLOBAL FORGIVENESS—EVERY DAY!!! I grasped this vision for this Global Forgiveness Day in the introduction to my book.

I was reading through the workshop notes of a presentation on Forgiveness given on September 7th, 2006, to the United Nations, and began to ponder the privilege of giving such a presentation. Suddenly, I realized that this book is my presentation to an entity even bigger and more influential than the UN: that is, the huge family of God throughout the world. This book is my UN, my Ultimate Necessity presentation, written with the sole agenda of encouraging my brothers and sisters throughout the world to walk in a daily lifestyle of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the call to love, and one can’t love without the developed skill of forgiving freely.

Have you registered for my class this fall: The Art & Science of Forgiveness? I am regularly asked if I am teaching a class locally. For many years, my schedule has not allowed such a privilege. But this fall, my schedule is allowing me to teach a class. Here is a glimpse of the course premise:

We will thoroughly examine forgiveness and its impact on our marriage,
parenting, and friendships. Often the struggles in our day to day relationships can be traced to our inability to forgive freely. Forgiveness
principles and tools that liberate will be examined. Forgiveness is a most
heroic act that rewrites our past and impacts our future.

My home church, Grace Fellowship of West Palm Beach is hosting this class, room #500, Wednesday nights at 7pm this fall.
To register: The online address to register is:, then click on the “Community Interest Groups / Wednesday Electives” banner…that will take you right to the registration page. Class title: The Art & Science of Forgiveness. See you in September!


Don't Make Your Loved One's Carry Your Pain


Recently I was re-reading the acknowledgements I wrote for Free Yourself to Love. When I read what I wrote to my husband and children, I realized that part of the blessing of learning to FORGIVE is to cease making our loved ones carry our pain. Do you need to cease making your loved ones carry your pain—as you live with unforgiveness in your heart? Why not consider joining me this fall for a class I will be teaching titled: The Art & Science of Forgiveness. Here is the course description:

"The heart of emotional health is the ability to forgive. Good relationships (marriages, parent/child, and friendships) are made up of those who have learned how to forgive. This course will examine the "art" of forgiving--forgiving is a specific skill that actually utilizes more creativity than one can imagine. Forgiving freely is a complex science (knowledge) that we will examine and together we will strengthen our 'theology' of forgiving."

The class will begin on Wednesday night, September 2nd, at Grace Fellowship, West Palm Beach. I will be teaching for 11 weeks. If you would like to join me in this class, please go to the online address to register:, then click on the “Community Interest Groups / Wednesday Electives” banner…that will take you to the registration page. Class title: The Art & Science of Forgiveness.

The reason we need you to register—is to have enough chairs set up for those who are coming and workers for childcare. This class will be held on Wednesday’s at Grace Fellowship starting at 7:00 PM and ending at 8:10 PM (so parents can pick up kids when kids’ events end at 8:15 PM). The room is #500 (over the gym). Men and Women are both welcome and childcare is available. The only expense for this class is to get a copy of the book Free Yourself to Love. This book and your Bible will be the class texts.

This class will take you to the next level of understanding the liberating power of forgiveness. Please consider joining the class. I am so excited about teaching this class in my hometown—hope to see you September 2.


Your Body Language, a Billboard of Your Heart


Your body language and what you say or don’t say are sure displays of your heart’s condition—negative or positive. Warning: people know exactly how you feel about them, even when you haven’t said a word. Your body—or your silence—is tattling on your heart. Research in the new field of social neuroscience is providing fresh insight into this process: “Our brains are designed to reflect and catch the state of the person we’re with, which works to our advantage in most situations by helping us understand each other better, says Daniel Goleman, PhD, author of Social Intelligence.”

Smiles and flattery do not cover up unforgiveness marinating in your heart. Even when you choose silence, your heart’s condition is being detected by those you are with. Remember what Paul told the Colossians: “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourself with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony” (Col. 3:13–14 nlt).

Offense is inevitable among humans. Therefore, we should wear the clothing of love so that making allowances will be spontaneous. When it comes to offense, the original incident is the fault of the offender, but my allowing the incident to keep offending me is my choice. I can forgive again and call down a blessing or respond in self-harm and be offended again. “Every time the grievance comes to mind, in fact, the body can re-create the emotional and physical duress that accompanied the original hurt. You become agitated; blood pressure soars; stress hormones are released. Forgiveness, however, can restore peacefulness and balance.”

Hopefully by this point you no longer want to simply forget about an injury—which is not always possible—but rather choose to move on by forgiving and by praying blessings on the offender. If you feel daunted by this challenge, read what Kristin Armstrong wrote:

The very idea of generating feelings of kindness for someone who has broken your heart seems at the very least ridiculous, and at the most . . . impossible. The trick is that it is not all about feelings. [Paul] doesn’t say, “Feel kind and compassionate toward one another.” He said, “Be kind and compassionate to one another.” It’s an order, requiring simple obedience, not emotion. Obedience springs from the love and desire to please God, nothing else.
(Excerpt from Free Yourself to Love: The Liberating Power of Forgiveness)

Your book on forgiveness is amazing! I read a lot, especially books about overcoming childhood abuse, but your book is like the "next level". I sat up late the other night reading - and crying - as I identified with each of the counterfeit forms of forgiveness. I think when I am finished reading it; I'm going to have to read it again to make sure it all sinks in!


Pity for Ernest Hemingway


Ernest Hemingway was one of the most famous American novelist, short-story writer and essayist, whose deceptively simple prose style has influenced a wide range of writers. Hemingway was awarded the 1954 Nobel Prize for Literature.

Why do I have pity for this famous writer? In the last Hope Alert I wrote about a “father’s wound.” This will address a most heinous “mother wound” that happened to Ernest Hemingway.

One of the most tragic revenge scenarios I have ever heard of concerned the author Ernest Hemingway. His mother was so furious that he did not go to college she not only threw him out of the house, but on his twenty-first birthday, she sent him a package. In the package was the gun that his father had used to commit suicide. The mother wrote these words: “I thought you’d want this.”

How could a mother be that hateful to her child? Anger and revenge are so blinding that they can change a person into an emotional monster. Hemingway later committed suicide, as did two of his siblings, Ursula and Leicester.6

You don’t need to hire a professional hit man to hurt another human being for an offense. All humans have creative ways to expedite revenge. If you’re looking to make a person squirm, one of the easiest ways is by not accepting their remorse or apology. I have met hundreds who refuse to accept a person’s apology. These unforgiving people continue to nurse the hurt and grudge, which maintains the emotional gap between offender and offended. I know relatives who have not spoken in years. Such prolonged silence is creative revenge.

In our flesh, we hesitate to lay down our weapon of revenge because of the injustice of it all. The situation seems unjust only because we are not trusting God to enact judgment against the offender. We may think that God is too busy to avenge our offenses or He isn’t moving fast enough for our taste.

I doubt that anyone reading this Hope Alert—would ever do anything as hateful as Ernest Hemingway’s mother did on his 21st birthday. But, when I choose to not forgive a family member or a friend or even an acquaintance…my behavior is as stunning as Mrs. Hemingway. Does that remark seem ludicrous? You and I have been freely forgiven through the precious blood of Jesus and our unforgiving behavior—is an insult to the grace of God in Jesus (Eph. 4:32).

(Excerpt from Free Yourself to Love: The Liberating Power of Forgiveness)


Hard to Find a Father's Day Card?


Year after year, I see people struggling in front of the card rack, trying to find a Father’s Day card? Why is it so hard? Well, for many people, Hallmark doesn’t produce cards for people who have a father they haven’t forgiven--yet. Oh the difficulty of finding a card, when the father wound in your heart shouts against false sentimentality that is often the theme of Father’s Day cards.

How easy is it for a father to wound his child? My husband, Ken, and I watched the movie Walk the Line, based on the life of Johnny Cash. During the movie there were several painful scenes between Johnny Cash and his father. Johnny’s father was a merciless perfectionist, and his incessant criticism of Johnny helped fuel years of addiction. The shame and anger caused in the heart of a child who has been exasperated by a perfectionistic parent is seen not only in the life of Johnny Cash but in the lives of millions who have heart wounds from such unloving parents.

After the movie Ken said, “I was raised by two perfectionists, and I am a perfectionist, and I am concerned about the impact on our children. When we return home, I want to ask them three questions:

1. What do I do or say that discourages you?
2. Do I do anything or say anything that encourages you?
3. What would you like me to do or say that would encourage you?”

Ken asked both our children, and neither had any major complaints. My heart was touched that Ken was sensitive enough to want to ask such questions. Most parents are often clueless concerning the exasperation and hurt that they have caused their children despite Paul’s admonition: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).

If you have struggled with shame and anger and you haven’t been able to trace the source, maybe you need to consider the impact of a parent’s words on your heart as a child. A therapist told me, “Jackie, verbal abuse causes heart wounds just like sexual abuse does.” How shocked most critical parents are when they discover the destructive damage done by their criticism and perfectionism. By the same token, silent and neglectful parents can wound as well—another method of aborted love through anger.

Maybe the best gift you can give your father this Father’s Day—is also a gift that you will be giving to your own heart. By faith, choose to forgive your earthly father, as you have been freely forgiven by your Heavenly Father (Matt. 6:9, 12).

(Excerpt from Free Yourself to Love: The Liberating Power of Forgiveness)


Trash Apologies


A popular counterfeit of forgiveness is overlooking the wrong. This is where you minimize the offense. For example, when you hear a battered woman say, “He really didn’t mean to push me through that door,” or a mother say to her toddler, “Daddy didn’t mean to yell at you,” you are hearing classic minimizing. If he didn’t mean it, then why did he do and say those things? Sometimes we think we’re being forgiving when we look the other way. We think that’s healthy, but it’s not.

True forgiveness is seeing something for what it really is; that’s when you effectively forgive. When someone makes a rude remark and hurts your feelings, don’t just say, “Never mind,” when they ask you what is wrong. We think we’re forgiving if we say, “Oh no, it’s nothing.” That in itself is wrong. Do not minimize the offense by overlooking it in an effort to appear merciful and patient. In fact, we need to pay greater attention to what motivates us to overlook an offense. Sometimes fear motivates us not to say how we are actually hurt. It is even possible that we want to seem forgiving to another, because, after all, we are Christians, but really that is our pride at work.

Minimization also allows for what Dr. Aaron Lazare has titled trash apologies. Trash apologies contain phrases like these:

  • Mistakes were made. (Rather than “I made a mistake.”)
  • To the degree you were offended. (Rather than“To the degree I offended you.)
  • If I did anything wrong . . . (“If” as opposed to “I did something wrong.”)
  • You can’t expect me to be perfect.
  • If I’ve hurt anybody, I’m sorry. (Again, “If” as opposed to “I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry.”)
  • I’m sorry you are mad. (But I am not responsible for your being mad.)

(Excerpt from Free Yourself to Love: The Liberating Power of Forgiveness)


Summoned to Forgive


I know that I may seem like a broken record with my incessant references to our need to forgive. I just want you to hear my heart concerning the bottomless pit in relation to comprehending the depth of our need to learn to forgive freely. Having written my heart in print expressing what I have learned over two decades about forgiving freely—I read something that Brennan Manning wrote and I thought—“wow, another glimpse of the fathomless call to forgive.” Our heeding this summons on a daily basis is inextricably linked to being identified as an authentic follower of Jesus! Here is what our brother B. Manning wrote:

The summons to live as forgiven and forgiving children is radically
inclusive. It is addressed not only to the wife whose husband forgot their
wedding anniversary but also to parents whose child was slaughtered by a drunken driver, to the victims of slanderous accusations, and to the poor living in filthy boxes who see the rich drive by in Mercedes....

The demands of forgiveness are so daunting that they seem humanly impossible. The exigencies of forgiveness are simply beyond the capacity of un-graced human will. Only reckless confidence in a Source greater than ourselves can empower us to forgive the wounds inflicted by others. In boundary moments such as these there is only one place to go--- Calvary.

Stay there for a long time and watch as Abba's Only-Begotten dies utterly alone in bloody disgrace. Watch as He breathes forgiveness on His torturers at the moment of their greatest cruelty and mercilessness. On that lonely hill outside the city wall of old Jerusalem, you will experience the healing power of the dying Lord.

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." Mt. 6:14


Last week I summoned an audience to consider forgiving there offenders and afterwards a junior high girl named Emily shared with me her choosing to pray a blessing on her offending “BFF.” She shared that when she prayed a blessing on her friend, her heart was filled with such peace. This young teen, heard the summons to forgive and touched my heart so deeply with her obedience. Jesus whispered “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” so that Emily and I could shout, “I have been freely forgiven, so I can freely forgive you!” May each of us be as bold as Emily, and forgive the boss that offended us this week or the spouse who has been distracted and neglectful or the child that again has made a choice that is hurtful and very disappointing. Why not pause right now and whisper a prayer of forgiveness on your spouse, child or employer? Amen!


A New Pledge of Allegiance


Prior to speaking at a large mother-daughter conference, I was told several of the young girls who would be attending had been molested by a staff member. The staff member would be going to trial in the next two weeks, so the past wounds were being freshly confronted.

The morning of this event, I came across the story of Jarius’s daughter, whom Jesus called back to life after she died: “Talitha koum!” (Mark 5:41). Immediately the Lord spoke to my heart and said, “Today, Jackie, you are going to call some young girls back from the dead.” At the conference, as each mother brought her daughter up to me, I prayed over each of them that Jesus would heal her heart wound—that He would call each child back from the emotionally deadening experience of abuse. Jarius’s daughter was twelve years old when she was raised from the dead, and most of the little girls I prayed with were seventh graders—twelve and thirteen years old.

In the first Scripture Jesus ever read publicly, He said He came to “heal the brokenhearted” (Luke 4:18 nkjv). Isaiah also referred to Jesus as “familiar with suffering” (Isa. 53:3). Jesus’ familiarity with suffering allows Him to heal the brokenhearted, and my familiarity with suffering allows me to be a wounded healer—and a healed forgiver—in His name.

Then the Lord reminded me of a term that I found while researching the name Yeshua—friend of the brokenhearted (see Ps. 34:18). The term is Kardiognostes, meaning “the heart-knower.”6 The minute I remembered this term, I saw my hand over my heart in a pledge, which would be a daily whispered prayer: “Kardiognostes, heal my heart wounds.” I told each of the girls to place her hand over her heart and continually whisper this prayer to Jesus: “Heal my heart wound, Lord.” The healing of such a wound takes time . . . I know this all too well.

At the end of the conference, as I was sitting alone at the airport, I placed my hand over my heart and pledged a new allegiance to the One who is the ultimate healer of heart wounds. While my hand was over my heart, I thanked God for the abuse that I had lived through as a child, because the suffering I had experienced became the very platform of hope that Jesus can use to call a person back from the dead—“the soul-deadening experience of sexual abuse.” Before you go to sleep tonight, place your hand over your heart and ask Jesus to heal any fresh or old heart wound. “If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation” (2 Cor. 1:6, emphasis added).