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Hillary vs. Trump: Are you stressed/depressed enough?

Mon, 26 Sep 2016 18:21:08 UT

Image 1of/4 CaptionClose Image 1 of 4 Please bring your A-game to these debates, Hillary. And some mace. Please bring your A-game to these debates, Hillary. And some mace. Image 2 of 4 Feels more like an MMA octagon cage than a respectful stage for smart people to discuss real ideas Feels more like an MMA octagon cage than a respectful stage for smart people to discuss real ideas Image 3 of 4 He's a terrible person and a worse debater. But he is an excellent slinger of nasty, manipulative sludge He's a terrible person and a worse debater. But he is an excellent slinger of nasty, manipulative sludge Image



Organic Gatorade asks: How stupid are you?

Tue, 20 Sep 2016 23:53:56 UT

Image 1of/5 CaptionClose Image 1 of 5 Gatorade: Scamming athletes for nearly 50 years. Gatorade: Scamming athletes for nearly 50 years. Image 2 of 5 Football causes brain damage. Gatorade causes obesity and ill health and is nothing but over-sweet, glorified sugar water that costs pennies to make and isn't the slightest bit good for you, organic or otherwise. A perfect match! less Football causes brain damage. Gatorade causes obesity and ill health and is nothing but over-sweet, glorified sugar water that costs pennies to make and isn't the slightest bit good for you, organic or ... more Image 3 of 5 Organic Gatorade! It's like removing the artificial flavor



Trump’s moral tapeworm: Far beyond “deplorable”

Mon, 12 Sep 2016 18:43:50 UT

Image 1of/3 CaptionClose Image 1 of 3 Onward and healthy Onward and healthy Image 2 of 3 'Sup, haters? 'Sup, haters? Image 3 of 3 It's like a child who's trying to scowl as hard as he can. It's like a child who's trying to scowl as hard as he can. Trump’s moral tapeworm: Far beyond "deplorable" 1 / 3 Back to Gallery Hillary has mild pneumonia. Maybe a classic case of  walking pneumonia, and of course it’s all very easily treated by rest, and antibiotics, and skimming through the countless laughable tweets of a thousands of scabrous, Trump-fellating supporters deeply wishing for her death so they can reclaim the country for



Hi! No one cares about your headphone jack

Thu, 8 Sep 2016 14:59:21 UT

Image 1of/3 CaptionClose Image 1 of 3 Go ahead, pretend you're going to miss it. You won't. Go ahead, pretend you're going to miss it. You won't. Image 2 of 3 Another thing AirPods have made obsolete? Jawbones and other obnoxious Bluetooth earpieces. (You can use one by itself, and use it for calls and Siri, as well as music) Another thing AirPods have made obsolete? Jawbones and other obnoxious Bluetooth earpieces. (You can use one by itself, and use it for calls and Siri, as well as music) Image 3 of 3 Oh no another minor change in how we use a very popular piece of technology! What's wrong



Trump’s trolls: Not long for this world

Tue, 30 Aug 2016 00:18:30 UT

Image 1of/5 CaptionClose Image 1 of 5 Note: Not a drunken Russell Crowe. Note: Not a drunken Russell Crowe. Image 2 of 5 All hail the angry, racist, sexist white guys, finally getting their due. In more ways than one. All hail the angry, racist, sexist white guys, finally getting their due. In more ways than one. Image 3 of 5 Few people detest you and everything you stand for more than this man. Few people detest you and everything you stand for more than this man. Image 4 of 5 Alex Jones, lurching for his own 15 minutes of conspiracy-nutball fame, has found a fawning acolyte in Trump. Alex



Generation Uber: The world’s most annoyingly entitled?

Mon, 22 Aug 2016 16:41:36 UT

Image 1of/5 CaptionClose Image 1 of 5 Why suffer the savage indignities of Whole Foods yourself? Hire someone to shop for you. And eat it for you. Why suffer the savage indignities of Whole Foods yourself? Hire someone to shop for you. And eat it for you. Image 2 of 5 Meal kit delivery services. It's like ordering take-out, except way more annoying. Meal kit delivery services. It's like ordering take-out, except way more annoying. Image 3 of 5 Uber. It's the new Microsoft. Except meaner. Uber. It's the new Microsoft. Except meaner. Image 4 of 5 In the future, everyone will have someone to boss around. And not just



Your Dunkin Donuts will kill you now

Tue, 16 Aug 2016 23:59:40 UT

Image 1of/4 CaptionClose Image 1 of 4 Enter here and say to hell with nature Enter here and say to hell with nature Image 2 of 4 Six every morning should be about right. You know, for the diabetes. Six every morning should be about right. You know, for the diabetes. Image 3 of 4 Now comes with portable colonoscopy Now comes with portable colonoscopy Image 4 of 4 Toxic starts young Toxic starts young Your Dunkin Donuts will kill you now 1 / 4 Back to Gallery You know what’s delicious? Placing multiple deep-fried spheres of artificially flavored, heavily processed, colon-hating dough into your face at six in the morning, and



No sex please, we’re Millennials

Wed, 10 Aug 2016 22:07:22 UT

Image 1of/4 CaptionClose Image 1 of 4 Pray your virginity will be over soon, my son Pray your virginity will be over soon, my son Image 2 of 4 New Millennial tech recruits, in their adorable matching uniforms, march toward their ignorable fate of never having sex for a very long time New Millennial tech recruits, in their adorable matching uniforms, march toward their ignorable fate of never having sex for a very long time Image 3 of 4 Way too much MDMA, way too little skillful hour-long cunnilingus sessions Way too much MDMA, way too little skillful hour-long cunnilingus sessions Image 4 of 4 If you're over 30 and



The most flawed female president ever

Wed, 3 Aug 2016 21:24:37 UT

Image 1of/2 CaptionClose Image 1 of 2     Image 2 of 2     The most flawed female president ever 1 / 2 Back to Gallery If there’s one thing lefty Hillary-haters love the most, it’s lists. Lists of all her perceived failures, of her obvious corruption, her warmongering, her lies, of this or that banking scandal or support for questionable legislation, or even more spurious proof that, despite full-throated support for Planned Parenthood and innumerable pro-women issues over the years, and despite being relentlessly attacked as an aggressive, non-feminine “feminazi,” she’s no “real” feminist, all due to some perceived slight, attack or negative messaging at one point, years ago, about



The $300,000 SUV: Bentley’s gorgeous obscenity

Tue, 26 Jul 2016 00:04:55 UT

Image 1of/9 CaptionClose Image 1 of 9 Just an average Pacific Heights cruise you will never, ever take. Just an average Pacific Heights cruise you will never, ever take. Image 2 of 9 What, not soaking your feet in a leather-clad bucket of gold-flaked champagne whilst you tie that fly, bro? What, not soaking your feet in a leather-clad bucket of gold-flaked champagne whilst you tie that fly, bro? Image 3 of 9 Choose from literally dozens of hides, color combos, woods, metals, gemstones, human bone, the flesh of small infants, tiny birds, exotic tiger pelts, the skins of endangered dolphins, the teeth of virgin schoolboys and/or the finest pubic



Farewell, Roger Ailes. Take Trump with you?

Wed, 20 Jul 2016 21:02:29 UT

Image 1of/2 CaptionClose Image 1 of 2 Ailes' ouster: It's akin to Antonin Scalia suddenly vanishing from the corridors of power. No one saw it coming, but oh what a blessing Ailes' ouster: It's akin to Antonin Scalia suddenly vanishing from the corridors of power. No one saw it coming, but oh what a blessing Image 2 of 2 The guy who brought you Bill O'Reilly The guy who brought you Bill O'Reilly Farewell, Roger Ailes. Take Trump with you? 1 / 2 Back to Gallery Never doubt there is a divine and fearful symmetry afoot, usually for the better but then again, these days, who can say? Behold! It is entirely appropriate that



All the terrifying delights of the Republican National Convention

Mon, 18 Jul 2016 21:24:47 UT

Image 1of/5 CaptionClose Image 1 of 5 Hello Cleveland! Hello Cleveland! Image 2 of 5 Stay classy, RNC Stay classy, RNC Image 3 of 5 Trump brings out America's intellectual and spiritual best Trump brings out America's intellectual and spiritual best Image 4 of 5 Because apparently Kirk Cameron was too busy bashing gays and women's rights Because apparently Kirk Cameron was too busy bashing gays and women's rights Image 5 of 5 Tony Schwartz, who very much regrets making Trump appear in any way smart or level-headed in "Art of the Deal," which he ghost-wrote for the Orange Maniac. Tony Schwartz, who very much regrets making Trump appear in



The very worst thing about Pokémon Go

Fri, 15 Jul 2016 18:06:22 UT

Image 1of/4 CaptionClose Image 1 of 4 Another tragic Pokémon Go side effect: The terrifying inability to dress oneself Another tragic Pokémon Go side effect: The terrifying inability to dress oneself Image 2 of 4 Oh good, more excuses to tap frantically at our screens and ignore each other Oh good, more excuses to tap frantically at our screens and ignore each other Image 3 of 4 Look! Bros! Having fun! Everything is OK! Watch out for that snake, bro! Look! Bros! Having fun! Everything is OK! Watch out for that snake, bro! Image 4 of 4 Behold, the nightmare Behold, the nightmare The very worst thing about Pokémon Go



Cartoon broccoli: How to make America slightly less fat

Mon, 11 Jul 2016 18:57:32 UT

Image 1of/3 CaptionClose Image 1 of 3 Someone, somewhere is going to find out how to make billions extolling portion control and lightness Someone, somewhere is going to find out how to make billions extolling portion control and lightness Image 2 of 3 Great American Wall of Death Great American Wall of Death Image 3 of 3 Eat this and feel disgusting Eat this and feel disgusting How to make America slightly less fat 1 / 3 Back to Gallery These three things are self-evident, but bear repeating because they are intertwined in an endless dance of uniquely American doom: America is, still and officially, the fattest nation on the planet. Women



America does violence to itself, over and over again

Fri, 8 Jul 2016 20:58:22 UT

Image 1of/3 CaptionClose Image 1 of 3 Every city in America Every city in America Image 2 of 3     Image 3 of 3     America does violence to itself, over and over again 1 / 3 Back to Gallery You can be deeply sad. You can be truly horrified. You can be mournful, baffled, resentful, disturbed, mortified and morally humiliated by all the murderous events spanning from Louisiana to Orlando, Minnesota to Dallas and, lest you forget, all points in between. You can feel a lot of things. But if you live in this country, one thing you absolutely cannot be, is shocked. This is America. We ingest guns