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Copyright: Copyright 2017, Situation Publishing
 



Vegemite tries to hijack Qantas name-our-planes competition

Mon, 22 May 2017 16:03:10 GMT

He just smiled and gave me... er, a copy of the Ts and Cs

Vegemite is trying to hijack Australian airline Qantas's public competition to name its new airliners.…




After stiffing us with Trump, Weiner 'fesses to underage cock shot rot

Fri, 19 May 2017 18:48:09 GMT

'I have a sickness,' former politician notices while facing two years in chokey

Disgraced politician Anthony Weiner has finally realized what the rest of the world has known for some time.…




Man sues date for cinema texting fiasco, demands $17.31

Fri, 19 May 2017 12:23:10 GMT

'Defendant’s behaviour is a threat to civilised society', claims Texan

A Texan is suing his date for the cost of a cinema ticket after she upset him by sending a bunch of texts to a pal while watching Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2.…




White House sicko sent down for 20 years after sexting underage girls

Thu, 18 May 2017 23:50:34 GMT

No, not who you're thinking of. Sad!

A US Secret Service agent tasked with protecting the White House has started a 20-year stretch for sending explicit snaps to underage girls – sometimes while on duty.…




Leeds cops issue appeal for man-sized todger

Wed, 17 May 2017 12:04:09 GMT

Pricking your memory, anyone?

West Yorkshire police are seeking a giant penis who may have witnessed a serious assault in Leeds city centre in April.…




Train station's giant screens showed web smut at peak hour

Wed, 17 May 2017 06:33:11 GMT

The 17:21 to Happy Town is going in and out and is aaah-aah-bout to finish its journey

Commuters at Washington DC's Union Station were left unsure if they were coming or going on Monday, when streamed smut started to appear on digital signs during peak hour. And it appears there's a rash of such incidents taking place around the world.…




MP3 'died' and nobody noticed: Key patents expire on golden oldie tech

Tue, 16 May 2017 11:38:05 GMT

And Fraunhofer won't renew 'em

Key patents held on the MP3 audio format expired last month – and it's taken three weeks for anyone to notice.…




Blighty bloke: PC World lost my Mac Mini – and trolled my blog!

Tue, 16 May 2017 05:04:07 GMT

Retailer accused of acting like a real bunch of Dixons

A British man says PC World botched his order, then staff trolled his blog after he wrote a post complaining about it.…




Giant spawn hammer on Antarctica map. Thanks, Google Waze

Mon, 15 May 2017 13:55:47 GMT

Crowdsourcing is the future of (pubic) navigation

Updated Some anonymous clown has drawn a, well, giant spawn hammer on Antarctica by using Google’s crowdsourced map-‘n’-satnav app Waze.…




Have a go with this WW2 German Lorenz cipher machine – in your browser

Mon, 15 May 2017 10:30:28 GMT

Fancy a crack at being Germany's secret signalman?

The National Museum of Computing has put an emulation of an "unbreakable" Second World War German cipher machine online for world+dog to admire.…




US Coast Guard: We're rather chuffed with our new Boeing spy drone

Fri, 12 May 2017 12:56:08 GMT

Meanwhile Britain is binning it. Well done, admirals

The US Coast Guard is well chuffed with its new Scaneagle drone – the same drone that the Royal Navy is ditching later this year, seemingly for lack of funds.…




Huge flying arse makes successful test flight

Thu, 11 May 2017 12:10:06 GMT

Nine months after its buttocks ignominiously met terra firma

The "giant flying bum" Airlander 10 airship has successfully flown for the first time since it nosedived into the ground last summer.…




Fancy a relaxed boozy holiday? Keep well away from Great Britain

Wed, 10 May 2017 16:02:10 GMT

Nanny State Index reveals just how hectored we are by modern-day Puritans

The UK is the second least free country in the European Union, according to the latest Nanny State Index rankings from the European Policy Information Centre.…




$6,000 for tours of apocalyptic post-Brexit London? WTF, NYT?

Tue, 09 May 2017 12:24:13 GMT

Bless the Cousins, they're trying really hard with this one

Stuffy American broadsheet the New York Times is offering disaster tourism-style package holidays of Westminster for $6,500, capitalising on Britain’s popular vote to leave the European Union.…




Fake ruse: USA Today calls the FBI after half of its 15m Facebook Likes turn out to be bogus

Mon, 08 May 2017 20:44:58 GMT

No one real likes us, whines hotel doorstop provider

You'd think the FBI has enough on its plate with the threat of terrorism, political investigations, and attempts to nobble end-to-end encryption.…




Italian F-35 facility rolls out its first STOVL stealth fighter

Mon, 08 May 2017 12:19:05 GMT

Same place that Blighty's dented jets will get their T-Cut

Italy has assembled the first F-35B outside the US, at the same factory where British jets will eventually be overhauled.…




We are 'heroes,' says police chief whose force frisked a photographer

Fri, 05 May 2017 17:56:44 GMT

Brit plod used Terrorism Act to collar snapper. Hello, 2005

The chief constable of Sussex Police has labelled his staff “everyday heroes” for using the UK's Terrorism Act to stop and search a photographer taking pictures of Hove Town Hall.…




Spend your paper £5 notes NOW: No longer legal tender after today

Fri, 05 May 2017 12:25:51 GMT

Get yourself a fistful of plastic fantastics instead

You’ve got until the end of today to spend your old paper £5 notes before they cease to be legal tender.…




What augmented reality was created for: An ugly drink with a balloon

Fri, 05 May 2017 10:02:08 GMT

Or you could roll over and go back to sleep

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Dabbs (Mrs) and I are in bed. She is shaking my shoulder to wake me up.…




Fire fighters get grinding on London man’s trapped genitalia

Thu, 04 May 2017 13:20:04 GMT

Ilford fire tender attends an East Ender with trapped bellend...ugh...

An East London man is breathing more easily today after fire fighters came to his rescue early this morning - they used a hydraulic pedal cutter to remove a metal ring he had slipped over his dangly bits several days before.…




Master of Dredd: Judge inker John Higgins speaks to The Reg

Thu, 04 May 2017 08:03:12 GMT

Meet the artist who helped shape Watchmen, Batman and, yes, the drokkin' LAW himself

Say the words "Judge" and "Dredd" and one name should rather forcefully present itself.…




Chip design chap arrested for using photocopier

Thu, 04 May 2017 02:30:04 GMT

If you're going to steal secret silicon designs, it's a bit of a giveaway to hang around the office making copies

An engineer from Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company (TSMC) has been arrested trying to leave the country for a new job in China.…




Can you spout digital bollocks? London is hiring a Chief Digital Officer

Wed, 03 May 2017 16:02:11 GMT

Interest-free bicycle bundled with £100k+ salary

The Mayor of London is hiring a chief digital officer for the capital, advertised at a cool £107,000.…




Speaking in Tech: Gather round children for some Fyre festival horror tales

Wed, 03 May 2017 09:26:51 GMT

Podcast Plus: You call yourself an engineer?



Male escort forgot pregnancy protection, scores data protection instead

Tue, 02 May 2017 14:03:21 GMT

You’re not taking das Michael, German judges tell gigolo’s impregnated client

A German woman who was impregnated by a male escort she apparently hired to liven up a stay in the East of the country has had her attempts to track him down trumped by the country’s rigid data protection laws.…




Heroic stepmum takes one for team, sticks pot pipe up wazoo

Tue, 02 May 2017 12:31:10 GMT

Puff, puff... pass

A Florida woman was arrested for repeatedly ignoring a cop's request to hand over a pot pipe, preferring instead – according to cops – to conceal the gear in her nether regions.…




'I feel violated': Engineer who pointed out traffic signals flaw fined for 'unlicensed engineering'

Sat, 29 Apr 2017 07:05:06 GMT

Welcome to the crazy world of Oregon state law

Interview Last year, Mats Järlström was fined $500 for revealing troubling flaws in the mathematical formula used to govern the timing of US traffic lights.…




Apple fanbois are officially sheeple. Yes, you heard. Deal with it

Fri, 28 Apr 2017 12:02:05 GMT

Offended? Go hassle Merriam-Webster, not us

Apple fanbois are officially sheeple. So says American dictionary Merriam-Webster.…




China launches aircraft carrier the length of 2.1 brontosaurs

Thu, 27 Apr 2017 14:35:06 GMT

And it weighs the same as 5.7 million adult badgers

China has launched its own aircraft carrier – the first ship of its type to be built from scratch in the rising Asian superpower's yards.…




iPhone lawyers literally compare Apples with Pears in trademark war

Thu, 27 Apr 2017 05:03:10 GMT

'You shall not use the silhouette of any fruit' commands Cupertino idiot tax operation

In the never-ending effort by Apple to think higher of itself, the computer giant has opposed a trademark featuring the silhouette of a pear.…




Reg reader offered £999,998 train ticket from Cambridge to Horley

Wed, 26 Apr 2017 09:32:31 GMT

More like National Fail amirite?

On the heels of an IT error leading to Great Western Rail advertising a first-class journey from Taunton to Trowbridge for £10,000 comes an exponentially more expensive offer from National Rail.…




Man nicked trying to 'save' beer from burning building

Tue, 25 Apr 2017 12:17:10 GMT

She's in there. Who's in there, sir? My PIIIIIIINT!

A South Dakotan was cuffed after he repeatedly barged past police and firefighters that were trying to deal with a blaze in his apartment block so he could re-enter and rescue his most precious possession - beer.…




IT error at Great Western Railway charging £10k for 63-mile journey ticket

Tue, 25 Apr 2017 09:33:10 GMT

If you didn't want to travel from Taunton-to-Trowbridge before, you probably won't now either

Great Western Rail has been advertising the bargain of a lifetime; a first-class journey from Taunton to Trowbridge for £10,000.…




Alaska dentist 'pulled out patient's tooth while riding a hoverboard'

Fri, 21 Apr 2017 21:25:21 GMT

When this thing gets up to 88 miles per hour, you're going to see some serious sh*t

A dentist in Alaska has been accused of performing a tooth extraction while riding a hoverboard.…




(You can't) buy one now! The flying car makes its perennial return

Fri, 21 Apr 2017 08:01:13 GMT

There's a steering wheel in my pants. It's driving me nuts

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Stop squeezing my knob. No seriously, I've had enough.…




Hard-pressed Juicero boss defends $400 IoT juicer after squeezing $120m from investors

Fri, 21 Apr 2017 05:02:07 GMT

Crushed CEO says critics are comparing apples with oranges

Meet this week's bonkers startup Juicero – the San Francisco maker of a $400 fruit juicer that's bagged $120m in funding from investors.…




Computer games to become medal sport at Asian Games

Thu, 20 Apr 2017 02:57:01 GMT

Olympic Council of Asia will award gold medals for fragging in 2022, helped by Alibaba

Gold medals will be awarded to players of computer games at the 2022 Asian Games.…




Ex-West Ham winger charged twice over cybershenanigans

Wed, 19 Apr 2017 09:32:10 GMT

22-year-old to appear before magistrates at month's end

Detectives from Operation Falcon, the Metropolitan Police's cybercrime unit, have charged a footballer with two fraud-related offences.…




Silicon Valley tech CEO admits beating software engineer wife, offered just 13 days in the clink

Wed, 19 Apr 2017 07:02:13 GMT

Despite evidence and previous offense, Abhishek Gattani unlikely to face serious charges

The CEO of a Silicon Valley startup captured on video beating his wife and threatening to kill her is, due to an offered plea deal, likely to spend less than 30 days behind bars to avoid being deported.…




Drupal sci-fi sex scandal deepens: Now devs spank Dries over Gor bloke's banishment

Thu, 13 Apr 2017 19:49:34 GMT

Project lead slapped in open letter after BDSM exile

Updated Scores of Drupal developers have formed a protest against the exiling of a project veteran who dabbled in kinky sci-fi hanky-panky.…




Nerd Klaxon: Barbican to host Science Fiction exhibition this summer

Wed, 12 Apr 2017 08:30:13 GMT

Curator Patrick Gyger tells El Reg what you can expect

Interview The Barbican Centre will host a sprawling festival-style Science Fiction exhibition this summer, featuring an immersive range of exhibits from across the breadth of the genre.…




QANTAS cuts AU$4,000 from price of Mac Pro

Tue, 11 Apr 2017 22:59:56 GMT

Of course it was a mistake, but the apology to 'buyers' included a 20% discount code

Apple Australia's base price for the Mac Pro is AU$4,899. So when Australian airline QANTAS store for frequent flyers started offering the computer for just AU$$520.53, plus 5,000 frequent flyer points, news of the bargain quickly hit sites that track this sort of thing.…




T-Mobile US CEO offers kid a year's supply of chicken nuggets for switching from AT&T

Mon, 10 Apr 2017 11:14:05 GMT

And now we are all part of this sickening cycle too

The chief executive of T-Mobile US has offered a random teen on the internet a year’s supply of chicken nuggets if he switches from AT&T.…




Boaty McBoatface sinks in South Atlantic on her maiden deployment

Fri, 07 Apr 2017 14:30:13 GMT

Yet the yellow submarine's operators are calm about it...

Boaty McBoatface has slipped beneath the icy waters of the Antarctic on her first operational deployment.…




Customer satisfaction is our highest priority… OK, maybe second-highest… or third...

Fri, 07 Apr 2017 07:58:04 GMT

Read the signs and weep because NO ONE CARES

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Everyone is looking at me as I break into a sweat. "Come on, come on," I mutter to my smartphone but already the harrumphing has begun.…




Crafty Fokker: Norfolk surgeon builds Red Baron triplane replica

Thu, 06 Apr 2017 13:36:11 GMT

But can he do it on a cold rainy night in Amiens?

A German orthopaedic surgeon in Norfolk has spent £70,000 building himself a flyable full-size replica of the Red Baron's Fokker Triplane.…




Reg lecture exposes the radicals intent on remaking your society

Thu, 06 Apr 2017 11:31:05 GMT

Transhumanists, hallucinogens, the far right... and blockchain

If you think the last couple of years have been tumultuous you ain't seen nothing yet – there's a tide of tech-enabled secretive and influential movements heading your way that could completely upend and reshape society. If they get their way.…




Jailed biz coach accused of $17.5m HPE fraud writes to fans saying 'join me'

Wed, 05 Apr 2017 13:01:59 GMT

Prison letters from Peter Sage reach world+dog

The jailed motivational speaker accused of diddling HPE out of 42,000 servers in a fraud spanning several years has been writing letters from prison to his "dear and amazing" fans inviting them to "join me on the journey".…




Manchester pulls £750 public crucifixion offer

Wed, 05 Apr 2017 11:39:05 GMT

Pay-to-be-slayed plan pulled over blasphemy, health & safety worries

Senior clergy in Manchester, England, have cited health and safety and blasphemy concerns after nixing a plan to fill a funding gap for the city’s Easter Passion play by offering members of the public the chance to be crucified.…




Pong, anyone? How about Pong on a vintage oscilloscope?

Wed, 05 Apr 2017 06:33:08 GMT

Doable, if you have a soldering iron and a couple of hundred transistors

Warning: there's no real IT angle in a chap hacking a venerable Tektronix Type 422 oscilloscope to play Pong. It's just fun.…