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Preview: The Register - Odds and Sods: Entertainment

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Biting the hand that feeds IT

Copyright: Copyright 2017, Situation Publishing

Please replace the sword, says owner of now-hollow stone

Wed, 18 Oct 2017 14:29:10 GMT

Legendary lake lark comes true, sort of

The legendary sword has been pulled from the stone – but the owner wants it back and a crowdfunding campaign has been set up to replace the blade.…

Man prosecuted for posting a picture of his hobby on Facebook

Tue, 17 Oct 2017 09:38:09 GMT

Airsoft player cleared but case raises many questions

A man was prosecuted for posting a picture of himself on Facebook posing with airsoft equipment.…

Argh, my loafer just fell down the rope ladder! Yes, I'm in the Microsoft treehouse

Tue, 17 Oct 2017 09:04:10 GMT

But yep, there are power points

“A lot of people are like, ‘Where’s the AV?’ And I’m like, it’s a treehouse,” Bret Boulter said of Microsoft's new tree-based meeting spaces. “We wanted people to intentionally unplug, because they are sitting in front of screens all day long.”…

Footie ballsup: Petition kicks off to fix 'geometrically impossible' street signs

Tue, 10 Oct 2017 12:43:13 GMT

All hexagons and no pentagons makes Jack a very dull...

A petition has been launched to update the UK Traffic Signs Regulations to include a geometrically correct football.…

Star Wars: Big Euro cinema group can't handle demand for tickets to new flick

Tue, 10 Oct 2017 10:09:06 GMT

Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to nerds raging on Twitter

Europe's second largest cinema, Cineworld, is struggling to meet demand for Star Wars: The Last Jedi.…

SCARY SPICE: Pumpkin air freshener sparks school evacuation

Sat, 07 Oct 2017 13:19:05 GMT

Four fall ill after Fall's favorite artificial flavoring overwhelms

A high school in Baltimore, USA, was evacuated this week after a pumpkin spice air freshener made four people ill and triggered a hazardous materials scare.…

Blade Runner 2049 review: Scott's vision versus Villeneuve's skill

Fri, 06 Oct 2017 12:01:06 GMT

Let me tell you about my mother

No spoilers Stepping into the cinema to watch Blade Runner 2049 was a nervous moment; after The Phantom Menace and Prometheus, was another studio about to take a steaming dump on a pivotal film of my youth?…

Beach, please... Billionaire VC finally opens way to waves

Thu, 05 Oct 2017 21:04:33 GMT

Vinod Khosla responds to the only thing he knows: money

Billionaire venture capitalist Vinod Khosla has finally backed down in his efforts to stop Californians from accessing a beach via a road on lands he owns.…

What does Elon Musk really need? A personal theme tune, of course!

Thu, 05 Oct 2017 12:34:11 GMT

Do not adjust your set, you are not watching The Day Today

Weezer's former bassist has written a "theme tune" for Elon Musk. Why? He was feeling miserable, apparently.…

Ex-Harrods IT man cleared of stealing company issued laptop

Thu, 05 Oct 2017 09:39:09 GMT

Yet guilty plea to computer misuse offence costs him £250

The former Harrods IT worker accused of stealing a laptop from the luxury department store in the UK capital has been cleared of theft – but was fined for trying to remove it from the department store's domain.…

Town wants Amazon's new HQ so much it plans to split off new town called 'Amazon'

Wed, 04 Oct 2017 03:01:08 GMT

At last, the leadership America desperately needs

If you've never heard of Stonecrest, Georgia, you're not alone: the town on the outer fringes of Atlanta only voted itself into existence a couple of years ago. But it's now put itself on the map by offering to rename 345 acres of land “Amazon” in a bid to land's new headquarters.…

Developers' timezone fail woke half of New Zealand

Wed, 04 Oct 2017 01:56:06 GMT

Wee small hours civil defence wake-in-fright text arrives on Vodafone mobes

A time-zone mixup has resulted in about half of all New Zealanders being woken by civil defence and emergency management authorities sending a test text message overnight.…

ISIS and Jack Daniel's: One of these things is not like the other

Tue, 03 Oct 2017 17:00:08 GMT

Zürich bloke's neighbours send nasty letter over whiskey flag

A man was reportedly asked if he was an Islamic State sympathiser after his neighbours mistook a Jack Daniel's flag for the black-and-white terrorist insignia.…

Computers4Christians miraculously appears on Ubuntu wiki

Tue, 03 Oct 2017 11:33:13 GMT

It must have been divine intervention

Ubuntu's wiki page this morning temporarily played host to a bit of info from religious group Computers4Christians, whose aim is to propagate the use of its operating system to spread the word of the Lord.…

Man with 74 convictions refused permission to fling sueball at Google

Mon, 02 Oct 2017 14:44:06 GMT

Injunction application nixed by Northern Irish High Court

A sex offender with 74 convictions who changed his name to escape his past has been refused permission to sue Google by a judge in Northern Ireland.…

Pumpkin bumpkins battle, 800kg monstrosity wins

Mon, 02 Oct 2017 14:06:07 GMT

Orange you glad that growers beat showers?

Things are getting real for outdoor pumpkin growers ahead of a European championship that starts in less than a week: a German team yesterday won the national heats with a near-800kg orange beast.…

We went to Nadella's launch of Hit Refresh so you didn't have to

Mon, 02 Oct 2017 09:09:09 GMT

File under management bullsh$t, for now*

As soon as Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella's book Hit Refresh was introduced as a "masterpiece" of how to scale up the "growth mindset" by his on-stage interviewer, it quickly became apparent this wasn't going to be a Paxman-esque grilling.…

Drunk canoeing no longer driving offence in Canada

Fri, 29 Sep 2017 10:02:09 GMT

Pot legalisation prep under way in maple syrup land

Canada is preparing to remove drunk canoeing as an impaired driving offence, ahead of its plans to legalize marijuana.…

Byte Night: Bed down with tech chiefs, celebs ... or stay on your sofa

Fri, 29 Sep 2017 08:37:13 GMT

There may be trouble ahead – but you can help

If you want to sleep rough to raise money to tackle youth homelessness, you’ve got till midnight today (29/9/2017) to register for Byte Night.…

[NSFW] Ex-sperm-inate! Sam the sex-droid 'heavily soiled' in randy nerd rampage

Fri, 29 Sep 2017 05:03:10 GMT

Computerized consort goes back to the shop for repairs

NSFW In a public showing of Samantha, a sex doll with built-in computing power to make her more realistic, the love droid apparently suffered a terrible fate.…

IKEA flat-packs TaskRabbit to crack assembly code

Fri, 29 Sep 2017 03:01:13 GMT

Startup slurped to provide allen-keying-as-a-service

IKEA's finally acknowledged what plenty of us have learned the hard way: it's stuff can be so wretchedly frustrating to assemble that outsourcing the job is sometimes the kindest and fastest option.…

Playboy founder and dressing-gown wearer Hugh Hefner dead at 91

Thu, 28 Sep 2017 09:32:10 GMT

A moment of silence, please, for the godfather of the jazz mag

As all unabashed masturbators love to point out, pornography has historically driven technological uptake. But before the internet, Playboy was the most famous source in the world. Yesterday its founder, Hugh Hefner, died peacefully at home of natural causes, aged 91.…

Is this cough cancer, doc? No: it's a case of Playmobil on the lung

Wed, 27 Sep 2017 05:58:08 GMT

Chap inhaled tiny toy traffic cone 40 years ago and he's been spluttering ever since

The British Medical Journal has revealed a mistaken diagnosis of cancer was caused by Playmobil.…

Twitter to upgrade from micro-blogging to milli-blogging with 280 chars

Tue, 26 Sep 2017 23:49:06 GMT

President Trump can now trigger nuclear Armageddon in half the time

Twitter is preparing to double its 140-character limit on tweets to 280 characters.…

Twitter reckons Trump's Nork-baiting tweet was 'newsworthy'

Tue, 26 Sep 2017 13:03:05 GMT

Guess triggering World War 3 is also 'of public interest'

Twitter has defended its position of potentially providing a platform for triggering World War 3, describing President Donald Trump's infamous North Korea tweet as "newsworthy".…

Limp Weiner to get 21 months in the hole

Mon, 25 Sep 2017 19:28:45 GMT

Hard time ahead for disgraced sexting politician Anthony

Disgraced American politician Anthony Weiner has been sentenced to 21 months behind bars – and three years of probation – for sexting an underage girl.…

Kebab and pizza shop owner jailed for hiding £179k from the taxman

Fri, 22 Sep 2017 12:19:04 GMT

What a carve-up!

A kebab shop owner who had sliced off a chunk of his takings and hid it from the taxman has been sent down for 30 months.…

You forgot that you hired me and now you're saying it's my fault?

Fri, 22 Sep 2017 08:03:25 GMT

Just install the trial software on 1,000 PCs and I'll be on my way

Something for the Weekend, Sir? "I'm sorry, who are you again?"…

Quebec takes mature approach to 'grilled cheese' ban

Thu, 21 Sep 2017 14:41:09 GMT

It's for the grater good

After Caerphilly considering its position, Quebec's French-language watchdog has decided it doesn't give edam about its linguistic ban on using "anglicisms" such as "grilled cheese", a move that has been welcomed as gouda news.…

Programming in the Middle Ages: Docker makes a lovely pair of trousers

Tue, 19 Sep 2017 09:14:11 GMT

Lest we forget

Stob These days we hear a lot about luring the young away from happy, fulfilling careers and into the world of programming. The kids have been freed from the tedious yoke of the boring and 'Microsoft-heavy' ITC syllabuses courtesy of popular hero Michael Gove.…

RIP Stanislav Petrov: Russian colonel who saved world from all-out nuclear war

Mon, 18 Sep 2017 19:24:19 GMT

Quiet hero dies at 77

Obit Stanislav Petrov, one of the unsung heroes of the Cold War without whose guts and intelligence you wouldn't be reading this, has died at the age of 77, his son has confirmed.…

Jon Hamm of Mad Men to lend his lungs to bounty hunter Boba Fett

Mon, 18 Sep 2017 15:33:11 GMT

In audiobook form at least

Square-jawed chunk of hunk Jon Hamm of Mad Men fame is to play everyone's favourite bounty botherer from a galaxy far, far away – Boba Fett.…

A todger, a 2.5kg dumbbell, the fire brigade... and the inevitable angle grinder

Mon, 18 Sep 2017 15:03:13 GMT

German joins growing list of blokes saved by a saw

A German chap is in recovery mode after firefighters battled tirelessly for three hours to free his member from a dumbbell weight.…

Pennsylvania cops deploy electronics sniffer dog to catch child abusers

Wed, 13 Sep 2017 21:29:25 GMT

Hard drive hound ready for duty

Sniffer dogs have been used to detect drugs and explosives for years, but now Delaware police have a new type of K-9 – one trained to sniff out hard drives and electronic storage devices.…

Sci-Fi titan Jerry Pournelle passes,
aged 84

Mon, 11 Sep 2017 06:01:06 GMT

New Wave giant, journalist, essayist and Byte columnist now a mote in God's eye

One of the giants of “New Wave” hard science fiction, Jerry Pournelle, has died aged 84.…

Vid game's easiest level makes players white, hardest level makes them black

Fri, 08 Sep 2017 05:32:12 GMT

South Park doing what it does best: making you laugh, uncomfortably

Science fiction author John Scalzi once wrote that “In the role playing game known as The Real World, 'Straight White Male' is the lowest difficulty setting there is.”…

Sub plot subplot thickens: Madsen claims hatch fumble killed Swede journo Kim Wall

Wed, 06 Sep 2017 06:04:08 GMT

Crowdfunded submarine maker blames door slip

The submarine captain accused of killing a Swedish journalist onboard his homemade vessel says she died when a hatch door accidentally hit her head.…

It's official: Users navigate flat UI designs 22 per cent slower

Tue, 05 Sep 2017 11:03:05 GMT

Put in some chrome and shade

The mania for "flat" user interfaces is costing publishers and ecommerce sites billions in lost revenue.…

Thousands of hornets swarm over innocent fire service drone

Mon, 04 Sep 2017 16:29:10 GMT

Never mind robots, get a load of these winged horrors

Rise of the Insects A Jersey-based drone was brutally attacked by a swarm of Asian hornets after disturbing a nest thought to contain thousands of the angry insects.…

Argentina eyes up laser death cannon testbed warship

Mon, 04 Sep 2017 14:48:07 GMT

Looking to buy the elderly American Ponce

Argentina reportedly wants to buy the US Navy’s laser death ray testbed warship, the fearsomely named USS Ponce.…

Well, whad'ya know? 'No evidence' that Obama wiretapped Trump Tower

Mon, 04 Sep 2017 11:09:04 GMT

Freedom of Information request to DoJ turns up... nada

The US Department of Justice has "no evidence" that Obama's administration wiretapped Trump Tower, contrary to a much-publicised accusation by President Trump to the contrary.…

Belarus declares war on imaginary country within borders of Belarus that is better than Belarus

Thu, 31 Aug 2017 14:31:05 GMT

Fed-up citizens join fictional opposition in their hundreds

The former Soviet republic of Belarus has declared war on an imaginary country that exists within its own borders.…

Stephen King's scary movie reboot provokes tears from 'legit clowns'

Thu, 31 Aug 2017 08:01:04 GMT

Industry fears more pie in face over new It film

The imminent release of a new film adaptation of Stephen King's horror novel It has caused upset in the world of professional clowning.…

Ex-Harrods IT worker pleads guilty to PC repair shop trip

Wed, 30 Aug 2017 13:31:35 GMT

Hitchin man tried to have company-issued laptop taken off store's domain

A former Harrods IT worker has pleaded guilty to a charge under the Computer Misuse Act of trying to get a computer repair shop to take his company-issued laptop off the Harrods domain.…

Terry Pratchett's unfinished works flattened by steamroller

Wed, 30 Aug 2017 11:01:09 GMT

Hard drive crushed ahead of exhibition opening

A hard drive containing the unfinished books of Terry Pratchett has been destroyed by a steamroller, in fulfilment of the late author's last wishes.…

Judge: You can't call someone a c*nt, but a C∀NT is a cunning stunt

Wed, 30 Aug 2017 04:02:10 GMT

So long as you stay silent and put it on a sign you're clever and not criminal

At a time when far-right websites are being denied domain names, debate about the limits of free speech may never have been more fierce. And now an Australian court has weighed in with a decision that it is okay to call the nation's former Prime Minister Tony Abbott a c*nt.…

Japanese sat tech sinks Sea Shepherd anti-whaling activists' hopes

Wed, 30 Aug 2017 00:10:47 GMT

Southern ocean slaughter to continue unchecked

The anti-whaling organization Sea Shepherd Global has said it won't be going after the Japanese fleet of cetacean "research vessels" in their annual pilgrimage to the Southern Pacific – because satellite technology has made the job impossible.…

Kiwi prankster 'oinks' down cops' radio and sings Old MacDonald

Tue, 29 Aug 2017 14:10:13 GMT

Can someone lend them some direction-finding gear?

A mystery New Zealander has been hijacking police radio frequencies to sing verses from Old MacDonald Had A Farm and make oinking noises at the Old Bill.…

San Franciscans unite to smite alt-right with minefield of doggy shite

Fri, 25 Aug 2017 12:03:13 GMT

'Free speech' demo faces faeces counter-protest

A shit storm awaits a bunch of far-right protestors when they convene in San Francisco this weekend – locals are storing up their doggy do-do and plan to distribute it in the area the protestors are holding the rally.…

IT worker used access privs to steal £1m from Scottish city council

Thu, 24 Aug 2017 15:29:05 GMT

And it took the authority seven years to notice

A former council IT worker in Scotland has been jailed for five years after abusing his system access privileges to help himself to more than £1m of public money.…