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The Register - Odds and Sods: Bootnotes

Biting the hand that feeds IT

Yank objects to Reg cherry-popping headline

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:14:33 GMT

'Find another line of work, like as a Hooters waitress'

Vulture Central's Kelly Fiveash has until now kept a pretty low profile, avoiding the kind of flak which regularly peppers our inboxes as indignant readers vent their spleen and propel steam from their ears.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications

Vampires not good role models for Catholics, declares Vatican

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:18:19 GMT

Deplores use of 'extremes' to make a point

The Vatican has come out against vampirical toothy teen book'n'movie series Twilight, dismissing the epic girl loves vampire, girl loses vampire, girl becomes vampire cycle as a "deviant moral vacuum".…

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Amazon punters go mad for 'Laptop Steering Wheel Desk'

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:31:32 GMT

'A total lifesaver', enthuses satisfied customer

Amazon customers have gone absolutely mad for the AutoExec WM-01 Wheelmate Steering Wheel Desk Tray, which "attaches to your steering wheel for easy access to a writing and drink storage surface".…

Offloading malware protection to the cloud

Taiwanese sex scammer's net double is NYC model

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:02:02 GMT

'Shocked' Richie Kul expresses dismay to El Reg

The news this week that a 55-year-old bald and "physically unattractive" Taiwanese man had posed online as a "youthful male model" to convince up to 20 women to have sex with his ailing father - who was actually himself - provoked a certain amount of incredulity among Reg readers.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications

Will Ferrell is Hollywood's most ~~over-rated~~ overpaid star

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:58:35 GMT

Tops Forbes' list of fiscal shame

Will Ferrell has landed Forbes' "Most Overpaid Star" honour, topping a list of names who sometimes "cost more than their box office worth".…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing

Santa menaced by sex offender postie

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:28:10 GMT

US Postal Service grinches Christmas

The US Postal Service has pulled the plug on a Santa Claus letter service which has run since 1954.…

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Downfall writer praises Hitler rant net meme

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:18:17 GMT

'I find those parodies tremendously amusing'

The writer of 2004 German film Downfall has described as "tremendously amusing" the plethora of parodies featuring a ranting Hitler reacting angrily to various topical bad tidings - including the news he's been banned from Xbox Live, and Frank Lampard is signing for Inter Milan.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications

Arkansas cop tasers 10-year-old girl

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 10:26:39 GMT

Mother backs electric justice for unruly child

An Arkansas cop has been suspended after tasering a ten-year-old girl who repeatedly "screamed, kicked and resisted" when her mother attempted to get her to have a shower before bed.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications

US data firm blows s**t out of server

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:02:49 GMT

Hail of lead does for innocent box

This will cheer up those backroom boys among you who've ever had a strong desire to let a server have it with an arsenal of weapons, but didn't have a Springfield Armory M14, Heckler & Koch MP5 or IMI Uzi to hand:…

The power of collaboration within unified communications

[NSFW] Wall-punching Brit gamer foams (milk) at the mouth

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:14:02 GMT

Didn't much like Modern Warfare 2, YouTube vid suggests

NSFW We don't know what the gamers among you make of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, but here's one young Brit's analysis of it after an evidently intense 17 hour session at the console (NSFW):…

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MS store staff in spontaneous electric boogie

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 10:13:16 GMT

Gobsmacked witness 'absolutely floored' by life-changing dance experience

Video Those of you who object to a) Microsoft, b) California and c) effusive Yanks gushing complete and utter cobblers are advised to look away now, because what follows is really going to put a downer on your day.…

Offloading malware protection to the cloud

BeautifulPeople shun hairy Reg hack

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 11:45:19 GMT

Just not beautiful enough for Aryan online club

It's with a heavy heart that I today report I've been given the elbow by BeautifulPeople.com - the exclusive lovely-people-only website which invites potential members to prove themselves worthy of entry to the elite club by posting a fetching snap and short profile.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work

Reg hack beats 'Belle de Jour' sex rap

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:45:21 GMT

Orlowski free of blogging stigma

A Reg hack breathed a huge sigh of relief this weekend, as the self-unmasking of Belle de Jour finally refuted allegations by newspapers that he was a blogger.…

Offloading malware protection to the cloud

Cheerleaders in danger from cheerleading

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:48:29 GMT

Stunts increase the risk of flashing injury

In a startling set of new findings, researchers have concluded that cheerleaders who perform stunts are at greater risk of injury from cheerleading stunts.…

Offloading malware protection to the cloud

French woman marries dead fiancé

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:31:37 GMT

Becomes wife and widow, simultaneously

A French woman earned the rare distinction over the weekend of becoming a wife and widow at the same moment, when she married her dead fiancé.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing

Intel Israel rolls out the barbed wire

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:10:38 GMT

Fending off protests

Intel Israel faced angry orthodox Jews on Saturday as they protested at the chip giant's refusal to follow the religious rules for the Sabbath.…

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Moribund Mexican litters Street View

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 11:17:30 GMT

Spymobile captures sobering slice of real life

It's a sobering fact, but the further Google's Street View tentacles extend from Mountain View, the greater the chance they will eventually touch someone who doesn't enjoy the benefits of free macrobiotic lunch buffets and Segways.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work

Taiwanese online hunk lures 20 women into bed

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:41:53 GMT

With his dad, who turns out to be him

A Taiwanese man has been cuffed for allegedly posing online as a "youthful male model" and persuading up to 20 females to have sex with his father, the China Daily reports.…

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Sarko caught short in Irish VIP footie box shocker

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 06:54:33 GMT

Green blog looks down on French prez

Diplomatic relations between Ireland and France have crumbled ahead of the two nation's World Cup qualifying playoff, according to alleged letters between the two nations allegedly leaked to an alleged Irish soccer blog.…

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To horse! It's Comment of the Week

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:02:01 GMT

I preferred the 'Dungeon' theme but whatever

CoTW Fortified as I am by the greasiest, kebabingest TechnoWrap™ Soho has to offer and a generous nip of desk brandy, I suppose I can just about stomach a traipse through your scintillating contributions to modern discourse. Welcome back to Comment of the Week, your new favourite Reg regurgitationfest.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing

Spanish region teaches kids how to crack one off

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 15:39:42 GMT

'Pleasure is in your hands', suggests Extremadura

Spain's autonomous region of Extremadura has sparked a bit of a rumpus by issuing an educational leaflet entitled Pleasure is in your hands, detailing the best way to achieve solo satisfaction.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing

Michael Jackson planned 'robot duplicate' of himself

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:37:19 GMT

Dead megastar droid zombie blueprints offered for $1m

Famous dead pop legend Michael Jackson intended to construct an eerily-lifelike robotic duplicate of himself, according to reports. Detailed three-dimensional scans of the deceased globo-celeb's body were made, and the super-accurate body maps are now said to be on sale for a million dollars.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications

US judge rules quadriplegic can bear arms

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:30:28 GMT

Grants firearms permit to wheelchair-bound hunter

A US judge has ruled that a wheelchair-bound quadriplegic, who is "physically unable to hold a gun or pull a trigger", can have a firearms permit allowing him to bear arms.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work

Bishop calls for Priests 2.0 to evangelise on the net

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 12:16:18 GMT

No fear of the flames

A French Bishop has called for the Vatican to unleash a cadre of crack Web 2.0 trained priests to push the Church of Rome's message on the internet.…

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Swiss roll Street View into court

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 12:13:46 GMT

Data protection supremo's patience runs out

Switzerland's head of federal data protection has announced that he's taking Google to court after the search monolith refused to comply with several privacy requests regarding its Swiss Street View service.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work

Dirty, dirty PCs: The X-rated picture guide

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 11:00:49 GMT

Horror beyond human imagination

Ventblockers Our shock picture last Friday of a Quatermass-style lifeform lurking inside a PC prompted a flurry of snaps forwarded by readers who had similarly confronted unspeakable horrors.…

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Facebook status bolsters alibi in armed robbery case

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:36:38 GMT

Nom nom nom... not guilty

A banal Facebook status update has provided an alibi for a 19 year-old New Yorker facing armed robbery charges.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work

Brazilian Playboy eyes miniskirted uni student

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:36:57 GMT

Geisy Arruda mulls indecent proposal

The Brazilian edition of Playboy has set its sights on Geisy Arruda - the 20-year-old São Paulo university student who caused a bit of a rumpus by turning up for lectures in a miniskirt, provoking a near riot, and getting herself expelled from the seat of learning.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work

Urinating Spaniard soaks Street View's Canaries

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:03:41 GMT

Public decency algorithm still taking the proverbial

Google Maps' UK tentacle is today inviting eager virtual travellers to "take a holiday to the Canary Islands" with its all-seeing Street View, and has provided this handy link so you can fly straight to Playa de las Teresitas, Santa Cruz de Tenerife:…

The power of collaboration within unified communications

Google backs enormous load of balls for Olympics

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:16:12 GMT

Speak your brain into the London sky

Architect Watch A group of architects, in an apparent bid to win a commission for 120m towers topped by a cluster of giant plastic balls at the London Olympics site, has turned to Google for help.…

Offloading malware protection to the cloud

Docs press for probe into 'designer vaginas'

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 12:04:13 GMT

Warn over 'invasive and irrevocable' labiaplasty ops

Doctors have warned that nip-and-tuck labiaplasty operations aimed at creating "designer vaginas" could have adverse affects on long-term sexual function.…

Offloading malware protection to the cloud

Fungal invader bites Spanish ham

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 10:58:03 GMT

Phytophthora hits vital acorn supplies

Spain's ham producers are eyeing with alarm the spread of a fungus which is threatening the food supply essential to the production of the country's famous leg of pig.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing

Brazilian uni readmits miniskirted student

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:37:10 GMT

National outrage provokes Arruda U-turn

Sao Paulo's Bandeirante University, aka Uniban, has decided to readmit the student expelled for wearing an insufficiently long skirt to campus, a garment which provoked a near riot as a baying mob of fellow students hurled abuse at the 20-year-old "whore".…

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Legless woman falls onto Boston train tracks

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:21:12 GMT

Narrowly avoids becoming literally legless, CCTV shows

A Boston woman who'd evidently had a very, very robust session on the sauce narrowly escaped becoming literally legless last Friday after falling onto the tracks at the city's North Station:…

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Santa in Phones4U booze'n'fags logo 'shock'

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:13:12 GMT

Annoying phone co wishes customers a merry Pissmas

Phones 4u have taken a rather modernistic stance with new website idents that show Santa Claus pissing on the company logo having knocked back a few tinnies.…

What is your recession sales strategy?

Kiwis slap 'vacant' sign on Paris Hilton

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:35:10 GMT

Celebutard's lawyers unimpressed by billboard campaign

Paris Hilton's lawyers are preparing to move against the New Zealand firm who thought it would be a bit of wheeze to advertise empty billboard space in Auckland by sticking up a fetching snap of El Reg's fave celebutard with the slogan "Vacant".…

The power of collaboration within unified communications

Iraq launches tourism drive

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:18:37 GMT

Security a 'minor problem', assures tourist chief

Iraq is attempting what must rate as the biggest PR challenge since Nicolas Sarkozy ordered French media to convince the world he's actually six inches taller - that of enticing western tourists to sample the delights of the sun-kissed land astride the Tigris.…

Offloading malware protection to the cloud

Loud sex a human right, says loud sex woman

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 10:13:34 GMT

Appeals ASBO with 'involuntary vocalisation' defence

A Tyne and Wear woman whose raucous lovemaking earned her an ASBO and multiple cuffings will declare in court that the order is a violation of her human rights.…

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Cambridge Uni cheerleaders in naming FAIL

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:02:02 GMT

'Cougars' not old, not very foxy, sometimes not female

Cambridge University students have indicated that they may, as is commonly believed, be a trifle out of touch with the mainstream of modern life. It appears that the uni's cheerleading team is known as the "Cambridge Cougars", despite the fact that its members are neither especially attractive nor old - and several are not even women.…

Offloading malware protection to the cloud

Baying mob turns on miniskirted Brazilian uni student

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:45:58 GMT

Abused by fellow students, then expelled

A Brazilian university student has become a national cause célèbre after footage demonstrating just why it's a bad idea to wear a miniskirt to lectures surfaced online.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing

French cheer on €11.6m heist security guard

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 11:25:32 GMT

Tony Musulin: Tu es mon icône!!

A French security van driver who last week disappeared with €11.6m has earned himself an internet round of applause from his impressed fellow countrymen.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications

Eat my dust - it's time for Comment of the Week

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:33:25 GMT

Bring your conjecture to the slaughter

CoTW Good afternoon, parasites. I expect after a long hard week of aggravating wittering on the Reg threads you'd like nothing better than to sit back and enjoy a nice hot drink and a bit of a blowback of said burblings, eh?…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing

H Ross Perot Jr fails to grab rhino by the horns

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:49:21 GMT

Denied hunting trophy following 'bungled' shot

H Ross Perot Jr, the son of former US presidential hopeful and EDS founder H Ross Perot, has been told he can't after all have the head and skin of a white rhino he shot back in July in KwaZulu-Natal's Mkhuze game reserve, after the beast made good his escape from the hunter's "bungled" attempt to down him.…

Offloading malware protection to the cloud

US woman to drop sprog live on internet

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:27:13 GMT

Promises 'tasteful' birthing coverage

A 23-year-old US teacher has decided to broadcast the drop of her first sprog live on the internet, thereby becoming a human "textbook" for those seeking birthing enlightenment.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing

Is this the world's dirtiest PC?

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:02:02 GMT

Reader snap reveals Quatermass-style horror

We're obliged to reader Danny Lee for forwarding evidence of what appears to be a Quatermass-style lifeform, which has attached itself to a PC and pretty well explains why the thing had ceased to function:…

What is your recession sales strategy?

Florida flasher deploys 'explosive diarrhoea' defence

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 09:55:08 GMT

Cops find 'no evidence of uncontrolled bowels', however

A Florida flasher who allegedly exposed himself to two women explained to cops that his state of undress was due to an "explosive diarrhoea" incident.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing

You too can become a Taoist Mao Shan master

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:37:31 GMT

Handy Reg step-by-step guide to achieving enlightenment

The shock news earlier this week that a Chinese truck driver had persuaded an 18-year-old aspiring model that he was a Taoist Mao Shan master with the power to grant her catwalk success - providing she indulged in ritual sex - prompted many readers to enquire how they too might achieve the same kind of spiritual enlightenment.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing

Woman rings cops to decry daughter's superior BJ skills

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:50:10 GMT

Both blew pop, as is the Ohio custom

The local paper covering Findlay, Ohio, has secured its place in journalistic history by printing a brief report of a woman who rang cops to complain that her daughter boasted superior oral relief skills.…

What is your recession sales strategy?

Wallace and Gromit get the Google doodle treatment

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 11:18:36 GMT

Search monolith celebrates pair's 20th anniversary

Google's UK search tentacle has decided to ignore the fact that 4 November marks the day in 1890 that Edward, Prince of Wales, inaugurated the City & South London Railway* and instead is currently flourishing a Wallace and Gromit "doodle" to celebrate the pair's 20th anniversary.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work

STRONG REAL SEX? That's not porn, rules ASA

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 10:58:44 GMT

The kids'll never notice

British parents can be reassured that a newspaper picture of a man and woman having sex at the base of tree to advertise a film which "CONTAINS STRONG REAL SEX, BLOODY VIOLENCE AND SELF-MUTILATION" is not pornographic.…

Offloading malware protection to the cloud

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