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Copyright: Copyright 2009, Situation Publishing
 

New 'reversible' paralysis-ray turns victims blue, flaccid

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 12:25:38 GMT

'Many test subjects survived', claim inventors

Canadian boffins say they have developed a fearsome paralysis ray technology which caused test animals zapped with it to "turn blue and become paralysed". The effect is claimed to be "reversible", but is often fatal.…

What is your recession sales strategy?


Gene testing firm goes titsup

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 13:44:28 GMT

DNA disease spotting ain't worth spit

The company that all but started the industry of selling gene tests to individuals to predict their likelihood of getting certain diseases has gone bust.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications


High-tech 'blade runner' legs better than real ones - profs

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 11:19:23 GMT

Olympic ban on Dr Who Cybermen seems likely

The argument over the use of artificial legs to gain better results in athletics has taken a new turn. Following lengthy legal debates, it had been accepted that prosthetic legs confer no substantial advantage, but now the very scientists who argued that case have changed their minds.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing


Brain-delving boffins in key monkey-butler breakthrough

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 11:54:20 GMT

Inability of apes to understand drinks orders probed

In a development with potentially immense consequences in the important area of monkey* butlers, boffins have identified the crucial genetic differences which permit humans to employ speech and deny this ability to chimpanzees, our closest genetic cousins.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work


Docs press for probe into 'designer vaginas'

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 12:04:13 GMT

Warn over 'invasive and irrevocable' labiaplasty ops

Doctors have warned that nip-and-tuck labiaplasty operations aimed at creating "designer vaginas" could have adverse affects on long-term sexual function.…

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Fungal invader bites Spanish ham

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 10:58:03 GMT

Phytophthora hits vital acorn supplies

Spain's ham producers are eyeing with alarm the spread of a fungus which is threatening the food supply essential to the production of the country's famous leg of pig.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing


US boffins hail lab-grown rabbit todger

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:12:19 GMT

Repaired lapines going at it like, erm...

US researchers have offered long-term hope to human sufferers of erectile disorder by restoring "sexual function" to rabbits with damaged penises.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work


Spanish Army builds ant-colony AI conquistador algorithm

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 12:28:05 GMT

Iberian insect intelligence to plan 'actual strategy'

Spanish computer researchers and army officers say they have developed an algorithm based on the behaviour of ant colonies which can plot "the best path" through battlefields for manoeuvring troops. The general-ware has apparently been tested in a "mini-simulator" developed by modifying the computer game Panzer General.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work


Swedish cyborg gets haptic hand

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 10:22:02 GMT

'Perfectly good nerve endings' plugged in once again

Boffins in Israel and the EU have fitted a Swedish man with a robotic hand which has a two-way hookup to the nerves in his arm: not only can he operate the hand as if it were his own, he can feel with it too.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications


US sees 'hot-tub related injuries' increase triplefold

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:33:44 GMT

Horrific 'body part entanglement' bloodbath

According to a recent study, those US citizens who manage to survive swine flu, terrorists, meteor strikes, guvmint agents fixin' to pry their guns from their cold dead fingers and other such perils of the modern age are still doomed. They will almost certainly be killed - or anyway badly injured - in some kind of horrific hot-tub-related accident.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing


Boffins working on biodegradable flexi LED implants

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:50:28 GMT

Silky hand-tattoo displays to replace watches, PDAs?

Boffins in America are working on biodegradable, flexible electronic devices printed on silk, which could be implanted in the human body and would decay naturally over time. Applications could include LED displays inlaid beneath the skin, or direct nerve-controlled interfaces.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications


Chronically ill people 'happier if they abandon hope', say docs

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 12:26:30 GMT

Promises to 'reconnect bowels' make people sad

Health researchers in America have suggested that it is better for people suffering from severe illness to give up any hope that their condition might improve.…

What is your recession sales strategy?


Female fruitbat fellatio frenzy: 70% give head

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 11:31:35 GMT

As do 100% of males - to themselves, naturally

The scientific world is electrified today by one of the most significant discoveries of our times: the great majority of female short-nosed fruit bats love to give head. Possibly even more significantly, the nimble lust-crazed chiropterines are able to perform fellatio on a male bat who is taking them from behind at the time.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications


'Internet Age' means egalitarian 'hunter-gatherer' society

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 10:11:21 GMT

Inherited cattle = unfairness, apparently

Federal brainboxes in New Mexico, analysing the many types of human society in terms of inequality between rich and poor, have suggested that the modern "internet age" of knowledge and technology-based economies may lead to substantially fairer wealth distribution - perhaps as fair as that seen in primitive hunter-gatherer groups.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing


Subterranean hive mammals may offer cancer cure

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:32:01 GMT

Secrets of the sexy, naked ever-youthful Mole Queens

Boffins probing the secrets of fantastically long-lived and sexually active subterranean nudie hive rodents say they may be on the track of a preventive for cancer.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing


Disgraced Korean cloning scientist given suspended sentence

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 12:21:44 GMT

Not a mammoth punishment under the cirumstances

Disgraced Korean cloning scientist Hwang Woo-Suk has been found guilty of fraud after a tortuous three-year trial.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications


Pregnant monkeys on crack - boffins investigate

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 14:02:13 GMT

Womb-coked simians in banana-pellet munchies frenzy

Scientists in America have warned of a new threat to society, posed by a generation of middle-aged drug-addled monkeys with poor impulse control due to being exposed to cocaine in the womb 15 years ago.…

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Republican men hormonally emasculated by US election

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:12:06 GMT

Obama win sees GOP testosterone plunge, 'submissiveness'

American neuroscientists say that men who voted for Republican candidate John McCain in the recent presidential elections suffered a serious loss of testosterone as a result of the Obama victory. The hormone, produced by one's wedding-tackle, is considered essential for basic manliness.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing


Magpies hold funerals for fallen feathered friends

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 09:49:36 GMT

One for sorrow

A University of Colorado scientist has claimed that magpies hold "funerals" for fallen friends, demonstrating that they're all a lot more touchy-feely than they might appear.…

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UK fatties demand 'hate crime' status for lardo-baiting

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:06:25 GMT

German study shows 'overweight' BMI perfectly healthy

Woebegone British swingbellies have launched a campaign against anti-lardo "hate crime" and discrimination, even as a survey of possibly gutbusting Germans has revealed that being "overweight" is actually not a health hazard.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing


Neanderthal woman could whup Schwarzenegger

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:54:04 GMT

Modern man is big wuss, claims anthropologist

An anthropologist has described modern man as “the sorriest cohort of masculine Homo sapiens to ever walk the planet”, with even Arnold Schwarzenegger at his muscular peak no match for a Neanderthal woman in the arm-wrestling stakes.…

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Boffins 'write directly to memory' of living brains

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 13:43:03 GMT

Implant false memories by 'seizing control of circuits'

An alliance of boffins from Oxford University and Virginia, America say they have developed a technique for "writing directly to memory" in a living brain, "seizing control of brain circuits" to create a memory of an experience which had never actually happened.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing


Federal boffins: 'Giant invading snakes' will soon rule USA

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 15:06:39 GMT

20-foot reptile maneaters massing in Florida, Texas

Much of the United States - including "urban and suburban areas" - may soon be overrun by a plague of "giant, invasive snakes" capable of "attacking and killing people", according to genuine federal boffins.…

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Farmer fined for ignoring cow's 'psychological needs'

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 14:40:35 GMT

Bovine kept in dark

A West Yorks farmer has been slapped with a £150 fine for keeping a cow in a darkened barn and therefore failing to 'meet the psychological needs' of the bovine.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing


Horny new 'ballerina' Tyrannosaur was light on its feet

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 10:06:44 GMT

Delicate dino coexisted uneasily with bigger brethren

Archaeologists say they have discovered a new kind of tyrannosaurus, very different to the big bruiser tyrannosaurs already well known. The new dino was slim, light on its feet, horny and partial to meat, according to the boffins.…

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Geordi LaForge video-to-brain rig built at MIT

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 12:50:36 GMT

Small Mexican pigs seem pleased with it

MIT boffins have devised a method of fitting a chip on the end of the optical nerve which can be used to input electronic images directly into the brain without any need for an eyeball. The technique could offer blind people a degree of vision using head-mounted camera/sensor equipment, in the style of Geordi LaForge from Star Trek: The Next Generation.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work


Average Brit shags 2.8m people

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 10:54:52 GMT

'Sex Degrees of Separation'

The average Brit shags 2.8m people during his or her lifetime, albeit indirectly, according to a handy "Sex Degrees of Separation" calculator from Lloyds Pharmacy.…

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Pull the plug on Pandas, declares BBC man

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 11:24:22 GMT

Then torch the civil servants, human race

A BBC wildlife presenter has come off with a novel approach to saving the Giant Panda - don't bother.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing


Britons warned of plague of the 'supercats'

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 10:58:20 GMT

Ferocious feline chimeras menace dogs, children

Britain is at risk from being overrun by ferocious "supercats", as domestic moggies interbreed with fierce wildcats increasingly being imported by extreme pet owners.…

What is your recession sales strategy?


CSI boffins: You can't ID crims from bitemarks on victims

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 15:56:14 GMT

Corpse-chomp research discredits gnasherprinting

Topflight CSI boffins have cast doubt on the apparently "commonly held belief" in forensics that criminals can be positively identified from the bite marks they leave on their victims.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications


Rich people cannot feel pain, don't care if they're liked

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 12:48:51 GMT

And being skint makes you a crybaby, say profs

Being rich makes people invulnerable to pain and steels them against rejection by other people, according to trick-cyclists and whalesong specialists in China and America.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications


Human brain 'works like US presidential elections'

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 16:11:48 GMT

If only you could kill those with beer, too

American brain specialists, in an announcement which may explain many puzzling aspects of human behaviour, say that the human bonce's decision-making process functions in a very similar way to US presidential elections.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications


Warning: Showers can seriously damage your health

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 13:56:27 GMT

Geeks proved right after all

US scientists have rather disturbingly provided ammunition for shower-dodging geeks to defend their malodorous ways: showers can actually be bad for your health.…

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NZ scientists identify giant, man-eating eagle

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 11:07:00 GMT

Legendary Te Hokioi really existed

Scientists appear to have confimed that a legendary man-eating flying beast which terrorised New Zealand's Maori actually existed, the Independent reports.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work


Germans satisfy latex desire with GM dandelions

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 14:48:00 GMT

No more uncomfortable rashes - fungus plague forestalled

German boffins have worked out a much improved method of making latex using the sticky white fluid which comes out of dandelion stems. The new breakthough could mean more comfortable body-cavity searches, an end to itchy condoms, and might free humanity from the threat posed by a global rubber fungus epidemic.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications


Scientists lay bare Irish potato famine blight

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 09:08:28 GMT

Phytophthora infestans genome sequenced

Scientists have successfully sequenced the genome of Phytophthora infestans - the potato blight mould which in the 1840s devasted Irish potato crops, leading to the deaths of one million people.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing


Pesticides fingered in UK honeybee wipeout

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 11:49:30 GMT

Further suspicion falls on neonicotinoids

A new study appears to have confirmed suspicions that the neonicotinoid group of pesticides is in part responsible for the dramatic decline in UK honeybee numbers, the Telegraph reports.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work


Italian Army gets medi-telemetry earrings

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 13:49:39 GMT

'Stop crying, Massimo. The system says you're fine'

DSEi A well-known Italian hi-tech firm says it has just delivered a trial batch of datalink earrings to the Italian army, intended to relay vital-signs telemetry from troops in combat back to the command post in the style of the movie Aliens.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications


Spider from Mars Malaysia dubbed David Bowie

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 15:25:31 GMT

Eight legs, but boy can he play guitar?

A newly-discovered spider has been dubbed Heteropoda davidbowie, in the hope that slapping the rock star's moniker on the beast will help raise awareness about the plight of endangered arachnid species worldwide.…

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Explorers unearth cat-sized rat

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 11:37:22 GMT

Papua New Guinea volcano-dwelling beast

A BBC camera crew backed by biologists has identified a new species of giant rat. The massive rodent has been discovered living exclusively inside the crater of an extinct Papua New Guinea volcano.…

What is your recession sales strategy?


Texan confronts the legendary chupacabras

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 10:42:36 GMT

Sinister goat sucker or mangy coyote?

A Texan taxidermist has earned himself some nice publicity for parading what he claims may be a chupacabras - the legendary goat-sucking hell beast first spotted in Puerto Rico in 1995 and which has since spooked fearful citizens across Central America:…

What is your recession sales strategy?


Database billionaire trampled by elephant

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 09:48:54 GMT

Serious injuries for Siebel

Tom Siebel has been seriously injured after being trampled by an elephant.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing


Huge 'vampyrus' bats being hunted to extinction

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 12:47:09 GMT

Tagged aerial scrumper study: Batshit crisis looming

Scientists say that the world's largest bat, the six-foot Pteropus vampyrus, is threatened with extinction at the hands of bat hunters across the Far East. They have called for fewer bat-hunting permits to be issued by local governments.…

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US 'grooming robot' to reduce navy bottom-fouling

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 11:02:30 GMT

'Ensuring dominance and reducing dirty emissions'

In a bid to tackle the degrading effects of widespread "bottom fouling" in the US fleet, the US Navy has announced that it is engaged in efforts to develop an "autonomous grooming robot".…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing


Aussie birds 'desperate to copulate with brainy males'

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 15:03:55 GMT

Bit of a desert out there, Sheila

Top-level boffins, having carried out extensive surreptitious surveillance of Australian females copulating with their chosen sexual companions, have stated that most down-under birds in their test group would prefer a brainy partner.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work


Microsoft goes Darwinian with evolutionary tree patent

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 22:44:32 GMT

Multiplication tables next

A Microsoft patent application has evolutionary biologists worried Redmond could claim standard techniques used by scientists to organize how animals are related through time.…

What is your recession sales strategy?


Zombie plague analysed by Canadian maths prof

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 11:43:56 GMT

Quarantine, cure no good - violence is only hope

A Canadian infectious-diseases boffin has published an authoritative mathematical model of zombie plagues. He concludes that the only scenario in which our civilisation could survive a zombie outbreak is one in which normal humans react immediately using extreme violence against the undead, without any attempt to cure or quarantine them.…

The power of collaboration within unified communications


Government stamp of approval for fake weed

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 12:03:35 GMT

Whaaat? It actually works?

The government's drug advisory board is calling for action on "legal highs" containing synthetic cannabinoids.…

Case Study: WhatsUp keeps Legoland turnstyles ringing


Brain-jacking fungus turns living victims into 'zombies'

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 11:15:48 GMT

Makes them hang from trees as horror nest-womb cocoons

Scientists say they have discovered a horrific flesh-eating fungus which is able to infect living creatures and turn them into "zombies".…

The power of collaboration within unified communications


Noxious algae menace Brittany beaches

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 11:11:06 GMT

Gas local horse, locals kick up a stink

Environmentalists and locals staged a protest last weekend on the beach at St-Michel-en-Grève in Brittany, after noxious algae killed a local vet's horse and very nearly did for him too.…

Web threats: Why conventional protection doesn't work