Wed, 18 Jan 2017 16:44:00 -0800
Rob comes up with alternative theories about hit movies and television shows, because that's how you know you've got a hit TV show or movie, because audiences insist on rewriting it totally.
Wed, 11 Jan 2017 16:44:00 -0800
Rob offers a depressing, comparison between being the executive producer of a television show, being an executive producer of a television show, and being president of the United States.
Wed, 04 Jan 2017 16:44:00 -0800
Rob offers a soothing way to ring in 2017.
Wed, 21 Dec 2016 16:44:00 -0800
Rob take a break from complaining about everything and worrying about stuff he can't change and does something meaningful and concrete -- and then goes right back to the complaining and worrying.
Wed, 14 Dec 2016 16:44:00 -0800
Today's celebrities try to sell you wine and cigarettes and hair products and low calorie beer. Also Studebakers and toxic breath freshener. In other words, it's hard to be a celebrity pitchperson
Wed, 07 Dec 2016 16:44:00 -0800
Rob comes up with a better and more movie-star name for Benedict Cumberbatch. Archie Leach became Cary Grant; Frances Gumm became Judy Garland, and Benedict Cumberbatch should become Batch Benjamin. Otherwise he'll never make it big.
Wed, 30 Nov 2016 16:44:00 -0800
Rob makes a glancing but significant reference to the election results, but promises not to talk politics. Instead, he talks politics-adjacent.
Wed, 23 Nov 2016 16:44:00 -0800
This holiday season, Rob's declaring multi-device bankruptcy.
Wed, 16 Nov 2016 16:44:00 -0800
Rob makes fun of a friend of because he's relentlessly focused and totally impossible to distract, then realizes that he's actually very successful and happy because of these very traits, which is often the way it is with people we make fun of.
Wed, 09 Nov 2016 12:00:00 -0800
Pretty much every entertainment device since the magic lantern, since cave people sitting around a campfire, got hot, was dangerous, and could explode. The Samsung Galaxy 7 fits in a long tradition.
Wed, 02 Nov 2016 16:44:00 -0700
What would it be like to have your own magical and always-full ATM? Sort of the way Time Warner must feel, as it approaches being bought by AT&T -- a new and endless source of money to spend.
Wed, 26 Oct 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Silence, as we all know, is the most effective and cutting way to raise your voice....
Wed, 19 Oct 2016 16:44:00 -0700
This is Rob Long and on today’s Martini Shot I spend most of my time talking about the second most talked-about thing in the entertainment industry, which is, where on the lot do you park? The most talked-about thing is, of course, when did you buy your house, and what did you pay for it.
Wed, 12 Oct 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob laughs at a couple of very famous people's physical misfortunes, and then feels bad about it because he's told they're real people, which is something he often forgest, because he's not totally convinced it's true.
Wed, 05 Oct 2016 16:44:00 -0700
The secret of appearing like an insider: whenever anyone delivers surprising or unexpected news, just sigh and say, "Oh, is that out?"
Wed, 28 Sep 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob takes all of those clichés about Millennials and flips them upside down, because A) that's a more accurate picture and B) he doesn't want to anger the young people
Wed, 07 Sep 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob tries to pace eating his lunch with a friend who is eating his lunch, but then he eats his cookie and Rob gets ice cream. And, yes, there is a metaphor about life in there somewhere.
Wed, 31 Aug 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob tells you the exact number of your friends who don't like you as much as you like them. He doesn't tell you who they are. You just have to figure that out for yourself.
Wed, 24 Aug 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob break his rule and talks politics, just for a moment, and just the only way he can: by talking about show business first.
Wed, 17 Aug 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob tries to step around the nasty arguments on Facebook without stepping in any of them, and still ends up having to scrape some of them off his shoe.
Wed, 10 Aug 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob tries to talk about Comic Con the way it should be talked about -- as a giant promotional event that's all business and no play.
Wed, 03 Aug 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob shakes his fist at progress like an old, deranged man -- in other words he talks about Pokemon Go, and Hollywood, and how one is going to eat the other.
Wed, 27 Jul 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob takes a simple, successful movie franchise and extends its financial value by rebooting it, then reversing it -- which means he never has to come up with another original movie idea again.
Wed, 20 Jul 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob dresses up as a famous movie character and beats the stuffing out of someone dressed up as another famous movie character, and they keep doing it until they get sued.
Wed, 13 Jul 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob makes a series of painful confessions surrounding politics, Interstate 40, Hollywood pettiness, and trying to be happy for other people's success. He more or less pulls it off.
Wed, 06 Jul 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob helps actors with their headshots and writers with their pitches and even executives with their office politics. He says to stop worrying about the boss, because the boss is only worried about the boss one level up.
Wed, 29 Jun 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob sends you a LinkedIn request to join your professional network and then endorses you for your many skills and then we both get lots of push alerts and notifications and we both wonder why we're on LinkedIn.
Wed, 22 Jun 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob discovers that recaps are a really great way to get out of watching television.
Wed, 15 Jun 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob talks about DC and Marvel, Sunni and Shia, and whether cancer can be funny -- all in three minutes. Yes, it's a stretch, but that's sort of the point.
Wed, 08 Jun 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Some people just like choosing from among available options.
Wed, 01 Jun 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob on how hard it can be to direct actors, who are hypersensitive and ego maniacal and in that respect resemble everyone else in your life and on the planet, and that's: make them think it's their idea.
Wed, 25 May 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob on Twitter bots, followers for sale, and because it's the law that he cannot be ignored, Donald J. Trump.
Wed, 18 May 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob tells us the best sales technique in the world, which is to make your pitch and then fall silent -- which he has a hard time doing.
Wed, 27 Apr 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob eats ice cream and bread in front of an actor who needs to lose weight -- and he's not sorry about it.
Wed, 20 Apr 2016 16:44:00 -0700
How losing two million dollars on a show is something to celebrate...for someone else.
Wed, 13 Apr 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Remembering a great teacher.
Wed, 06 Apr 2016 16:44:00 -0700
How the late Andy Grove, of Intel, helped make it easier for executives to give notes.
Wed, 30 Mar 2016 16:44:00 -0700
You know when you're at a party and you're leaving and you make this long circuit to say goodbye? Don't do it. Do a French Exit. Just walk out.
Wed, 23 Mar 2016 16:44:00 -0700
There's no not-weird way to say this. Rob asks Nancy Reagan out on a date.
Wed, 16 Mar 2016 16:44:00 -0700
Rob's complicated and probably unsuccessful attempt at comparing the navigation app Waze to his current creative process. . .
Wed, 09 Mar 2016 16:44:00 -0800
Rob fast forwards through all the screeners he got this year. It's sort of an industry secret.
Wed, 02 Mar 2016 16:44:00 -0800
Today's Martini Shot is all about Beyoncé. Well, it's about Rob and Beyoncé. That came out wrong. It's about money and Beyoncé.
Wed, 24 Feb 2016 16:44:00 -0800
The secret to keeping your production on budget. Just arrange to have your credit card declined.
Wed, 17 Feb 2016 16:44:00 -0800
Rob wishes he could do what Orson Welles did, which was to shoot ten pages in a night.
Wed, 10 Feb 2016 16:44:00 -0800
Rob figures out how to save Al Jazeera America cable news network. Too late, of course, but he does figure it out.
Wed, 03 Feb 2016 16:44:00 -0800
Is being a Donald Trump impersonator a major career move or a boat act?
Wed, 27 Jan 2016 16:44:00 -0800
Rob raises money for his candidate...not really.
Wed, 20 Jan 2016 16:44:00 -0800
Rob gets super financial and explains a hedge fund Powerpoint deck.
Wed, 13 Jan 2016 16:44:00 -0800
Rob does what every producer in Hollywood does all the time: complain about the marketing budget.
Wed, 06 Jan 2016 16:44:00 -0800
Rob gives away all the secrets to Star Wars and doesn't even say Spoiler Alert.
Wed, 30 Dec 2015 16:44:00 -0800
Rob finds an old spy manual, filled with ways to sabotage any organization, and notices that all of them are in wide use at every major studio.
Wed, 23 Dec 2015 16:44:00 -0800
Attempting the impossible for a writer in the entertainment business -- to be grateful and uncomplaining.
Wed, 16 Dec 2015 16:44:00 -0800
Unsolicited advice to someone who is more famous and successful than Rob, just like a real journalist.
Wed, 09 Dec 2015 16:44:00 -0800
A new rule for keeping a TV audience engaged in a show: you just kill all of the good guys.
Wed, 02 Dec 2015 16:44:00 -0800
What every tired and out-of-material stand up comic does: talk about the differences between New York and Los Angeles -- as if there are any.
Wed, 25 Nov 2015 16:44:00 -0800
Rob sets up an email to set up a conference call and then a text to remind himself about it and then a call after the call to talk about what happened on the call. It's called "work" but not much work gets done.
Wed, 18 Nov 2015 16:44:00 -0800
Being a writer is a little bit like being a shepherd: it's quaint, people envy the solitude, but no one's afraid of a shepherd.
Wed, 11 Nov 2015 16:44:00 -0800
Why movies succeed and why they fail and why the phrase isn't "The name is Smith. James Smith."
Wed, 04 Nov 2015 16:44:00 -0800
If you've got a political point to make, and you're clever, you can pretty much sneak it into anything.
Wed, 28 Oct 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Rob talks about two of Los Angeles' favorite topics: politics and traffic.
Wed, 21 Oct 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Rob discovers that the most immature and impulsive segment of the population are old people who act like teenagers.
Wed, 14 Oct 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Inside the OODA Loop of television development. It's a military thing, which, surprisingly, really applies.
Wed, 30 Sep 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Why do TV shows have dumpy guys married to beautiful wives, and movies have really old dudes married to young women, but it's never the other way around? Rob senses a marketing opportunity.
Wed, 23 Sep 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Rob attends a meeting to come up with something really new and different. But it's meeting, so that doesn't happen.
Wed, 16 Sep 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Rob sends a shout out to the bankrupt Relativity Media company. Because a successful movie and an unsuccessful movie both employ the same number of people, so more movies, more better.
Wed, 09 Sep 2015 16:44:00 -0700
The TV business is like the oil business -- we keep pumping shows out of the ground until there're just too many shows and the price collapses. We need a show business OPEC.
Wed, 02 Sep 2015 16:44:00 -0700
It's nice to have options. This is LA, after all. Things fall apart. Projects collapse. People flake.
Wed, 26 Aug 2015 16:44:00 -0700
What primates do when they present themselves to each other. It's what we do around here, when we pitch.
Wed, 19 Aug 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Rob turns into the dark anti-hero he's always wanted to be.
Wed, 12 Aug 2015 16:44:00 -0700
On dating and television programming, which are a lot more alike than you'd think, both being complicated, expensive, and futile.
Wed, 05 Aug 2015 04:44:00 -0700
Going back to a time when Dynasty and Laverne and Shirley were hit TV shows, now known as Empire and Broad City.
Wed, 29 Jul 2015 16:44:00 -0700
With no original material, Rob does everybody else does: he steals from Twitter.
Wed, 22 Jul 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Getting ordered around town by Arnold Schwarzenegger, who turns out to know the very best traffic shortcuts.
Wed, 15 Jul 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Every entertainment executive should work at the Olive Garden for a day. Not exactly, but close.
Wed, 08 Jul 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Trying to do the impossible: to enter the gates of a studio and park for a meeting when it's the wrong studio and still maintain a small amount of personal dignity.
Wed, 01 Jul 2015 16:44:00 -0700
What happens in Rob's brain when a pitch meeting goes well, which is that it stops working and says strange, nonsensical things.
Wed, 24 Jun 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Wading into the recent controversy about what Jerry Seinfeld said about college kids. That they're insufferable killjoys.
Wed, 17 Jun 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Explaining why a movie won't work at the box office, right after it hasn't worked at the box office.
Wed, 10 Jun 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Using Evernote to prove that the entertainment business is about to get very crazy and very good, especially for writers. This is not a scientific conclusion.
Wed, 03 Jun 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Breaking the tribal rule that binds all Hollywood writers together, Rob gives credit to a development executive.
Wed, 27 May 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Rob takes a story with the worst and most dysfunctional moral ever, then kind of twists it so it comes out okay.
Wed, 20 May 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Sometimes when the star makes a demand you give in, sometimes you don’t.
Wed, 13 May 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Belated advice to Trevor Noah, and anyone else who suddenly goes from Internet famous to actually famous.
Wed, 29 Apr 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Furious Seven, Coca-Cola, and how hard it is to change people's favorite things just enough.
Wed, 22 Apr 2015 16:44:00 -0700
The big difference between sampling – where music producers reuse someone else's hook and borrowing, which is what comedy writers do to each others' material.
Wed, 15 Apr 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Rob solves the problem of television network programming
Wed, 01 Apr 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Meerkat is the latest amazingly disruptive and revolutionary app that manages to, basically, recreate 1950's live television.
Wed, 25 Mar 2015 16:44:00 -0700
The last place that might believe the characters from the show Friends could afford that apartment -- North Korea.
Wed, 18 Mar 2015 16:44:00 -0700
Next time Rob heads into in a pitch meeting and someone asks if they can get him something to drink, he's going to say yes.
Wed, 11 Mar 2015 16:44:00 -0700
What you do when you suddenly wonder what your life is all about. You do what studios do when they're making an expensive movie and they don't like the ending. They stop production and figure it out.
Wed, 04 Mar 2015 16:44:00 -0800
The new and exciting directions the entertainment business is going in – a more disruptive and entrepreneurial way of doing business. And all of those words mean only one thing: the writer's not getting paid.
Wed, 25 Feb 2015 16:44:00 -0800
Getting fired, firing someone, and Rob's personal choice, just passive-aggressively ignoring them until they stop appearing in his line of sight.
Wed, 18 Feb 2015 16:44:00 -0800
Rob's totally on fleek. And if you have to ask what that means, don't bother. No one will be saying it in a week or so.
Wed, 11 Feb 2015 16:44:00 -0800
Sometimes really excellent actors have a hard time knowing the difference between things that happened to them in real life and on screen. News anchors, too. Not unrelated.
Wed, 04 Feb 2015 16:44:00 -0800
What the producers of the movie Selma do to historical fact as "giving history a little face lift and tummy tuck."
Wed, 28 Jan 2015 16:44:00 -0800
The worst way to sell someone on anything is to assume that they need it. No one wants to hear that.
Wed, 21 Jan 2015 16:44:00 -0800
A change of venue – and a change in climate – can boost your creativity. It can, but it can also freeze your hair.
Wed, 14 Jan 2015 16:44:00 -0800
What do you do when you want to take charge but don’t know, exactly, what you’re talking about?
Wed, 07 Jan 2015 16:44:00 -0800
Rob rings in the new year with a To Don't list, which is like a To Do list -- but the opposite.
Wed, 31 Dec 2014 16:44:00 -0800
Rob tell you the four words you need to have a happy and safe 2015. Four words that can save you a lot of trouble.