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Comments on: How can you help your alcoholic parent?



Dr. John Grohol's daily update on all things in psychology and mental health. Since 1999.



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By: Bea

Wed, 01 Oct 2014 04:32:33 +0000

Jessica, sweety, find an Al Anon group in your neighbourhood and work on yourself. That is the only thing you can do. When you join Al Anon, you get to know other people like you and you get to understand how you cannot help them, or change them. Only thing you can do is make yourself stronger, keep yourself healthy and learn how to be happy in a heartbreaking situation like yours. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I have also lived with an alcoholic parent and I know the guilt trip, am still not immune for it so I need to protect myself, and so do you. In Al Anon you get support and you learn new skills. Good Luck!



By: Im so confused

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 00:19:38 +0000

my mothers always had trouble with drugs and alcohol. When my mother started again when i was just ten years old and then she went to rehab and got kicked out. Because she smoked in there. She went to AA meeting everything. Seven years later and im eighteen about to graduate.she started drinking again and taking drugs. she says she getting better, but idont know weather she's drugs or not. it doesnt help me when my dad says if he finds an other bottle empy and hidden he's going to kick her out. We found one today. i dont know what to do. im torn between my parents, im angery. And i have no one to turn to about this.I dont know how to help, she so sentivie and depressed. and she lies and i dont even know if what she is saying is really true....



By: exsugarbabe

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 11:11:17 +0000

Never help a drunk parent! Make them live with the consequences of their actions. Don't take any nasty comments personally, alcohol makes people lose the logical side of the brain. In other words they don't know what they are talking about! Enjoy life as much as you can, work hard at school, live for yourself! You don't owe them anything but you owe yourself a good life. There is hope for you, you have your life ahead of them, the drunk parent. They may help themselves or not! There's nothing you can do about it. Never drown your sorrows with drugs or alcohol, get help. You more than deserve it for putting up with a drunks nonsense. My kids dad was an alcoholic, that's where this advice comes from.



By: jay

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 06:40:55 +0000

My mom is almost 50 and is on depression meds. I am 25 with a 3 yr old and another on the way. Recently my mom was put in the hospital by my siblings and myself due to drinking while taking her pills. She was very out of control. For the 3rd time in 2 weeks I have had to drop everything and drive an hr to her house to help with her because she is drunk and out of control. I have to much going on to keep dropping things but I'm scared I will wake up tomorrowand no longer have a mom. My dad walked out on us and is MIA. So having no parents or grandparents for my kids really scares and upsets me. I could really use some advice on what to do how to help and how to handle this.



By: Roxy

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 14:18:32 +0000

My Dad's been Drinking since his 20's, but I think it started getting really bad in his early 40's after my mom "betrayed him".. I don't ever know the true story because they both say different things. I think she cheated on him. Anyway, I remember growing up with my parents fighting, my dad yelling, cussing, saying nasty things, etc.. I remember constantly getting blamed for things that i didn't do. I still do. My parents divorced when I was 16. I now go to stay with my dad every week and he still drinks. Some days are better than others, but his mind messes with him. He thinks that someone is trying to betray him and doesn't trust anyone. Random things will turn up missing and he thinks that I stole them or that someone else did, but I really think he misplaced them. Then He yells and constantly asks who my mom is dating..Truthfully, I'm just worried that his liver will shutdown:( I would like for him to be able to meet his grandchildren and spend time around them. My dad is really depressed..I have NO idea how to get him to go to AA meetings..He says he doesn't want to because he doesn't have time and it's embarrassing? I think it would be good though for him to meet others who have been through what he has..any suggestions?



By: Kate

Sun, 27 Nov 2011 03:58:57 +0000

My parents both drink. My mom drinks all day and is always drunk she never eats and has tried to go to AA meeting but she was always drunk so she never went to them. My dad has a job during the day so he can pay for the alcohol and says he doesn't have a problem so he won't seek any help. I have confronted my parents and told them that they need to seek serious help other just AA because they are risking not only their lives (by paying for a death sentence) by also my brothers because he has depression and has told me many times that he doesn't want to live like this anymore and became addicted to pain killers because they made him forget things. My parents said that the drinking was never going to stop even thought my dad grew a heart condition from the drinking (the doctor even said to stop drinking or he will die soon) and my mom has been to the hospital 4 times in the past too months for black out from drinking so much and been to an alcohol/addiction center twice both times coming home and drinking within 2 days. We don't have the money for the bills even if they didn't drink, but that didn't stop them they never paid the bills and just drank they even had my grandma help pay for bills, but they just use the money for alcohol. I don't wan to have to call the doctor to get them to take them away to an institution or something but then they will take me and my brother to foster care, my dad will lose his job, they will probably start drinking even worse and eventually die even earlier. My father has even said that he will probably die in the next 3 years and my mom soon after but that didn't stop him he loves alcohol more than me and my brother or even life itself. I do t know what to do but it keeps getting worse. How can God let this happen to anybody. It's a horrible way to live! Somebody please help me. I don't know what to do! *sob sob* please I love them to much to let them die this way!),:



By: Taylor

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 23:09:16 +0000

My mom is an alcoholic and has been since i was in middle school and i am 22 now. She doesnt drink every day but does most days out of the week. It is causing my dad and brother and sister to always fight. I try to sit down and talk to her about it but she always brings up how she does everything around the house and she doesnt get any help which isnt true at all. She tried to quit drinking and did very good for about a month and a half but then went back to her ways. i really do try to help her but every talk ends up in an argument. she refuses treatment as i have mentioned numerous times that she needs to go. i am afraid my dad is going to leave us if she doesnt do something about it soon. i love my mom so much and i am so concerned about her health and our family. any advice would be great for my situation as to how to deal with this.



By: kye

Tue, 13 Sep 2011 08:18:02 +0000

allie, im sorry to hear about what is happening in your life! My mum has been an alcoholic since i was 6 and i have gown up my whole life with her putting me and my dad down! the best thing you can do is try and get her to except that she has a problem and seek treatment, and try not to retaliate to what she says! When a person is drunk they feed of people retaliating to what they have said about you. I have just been walking away from the problem and let it cool off. Good luck Allie I hope thing are alright, if you need someone to talk to him always here



By: Scared and Confused

Sun, 14 Aug 2011 01:22:02 +0000

Hello, I am currently 21 years old. I have twin girls age 3. I am residing with family due to problems at home. My parents (mother and step-father) are alcoholics. I had dcfs called on me because we were residing in a one bedroom apartment and the person said that we were all alcoholics and that my kids had inadequate supervision. SO that is why I am living with other relatives. The thing is though, I do not drink. I have never done any drug other than smoking cigarettes. I have drank before but I do not like the taste or the smell. I have gotten into argument with my step-dad several times from ages 13 to present. He has been in my life since I was 7 after my real father passed away. My mother and him actually met with beer. Well, thing is that my mother has a lot of health problems. She has COPD witch I believe is one of the stages of emphysema and also has leukemia. I hate seeing them drink because they argue all the time. MY dad will either argue with me or with her after she protects me. She is all I got and I hate to see her kill herself due to drinking. I have gone so far as to throw all the beer into the driveway but that caused more problems. He got real mad at me then. They were in AA before and clean for about a year and a half, but something cause them to pick it up again. At this time my step-dad can not see my children and my mother can as long as I am there. I hate having only a little time to spend with my mother because she has always been there for me whenever I needed her. But things have gotten so bad that when I recently went for a visit he just sat there cussing me out and I had not even been there for 10 minutes. My mother yelled at him and then he apologized and then five minutes later he yelled at me again. I was supposed to go back in two days but I told them no and i'm sticking to it. I have already had two mental breakdowns due to the drinking since dcfs became involved but had many before I had kids and some after having my kids. I don't know what to do anymore because I know that I can not help them unless they want to help themselves. I dont know what to do but I am going to start by setting limits when I come over or even talk to them on the phone and I am looking into programs that could help them. I am just scared that I am going to lose the only mother I have due to a stupid addiction and I am confused as to why they continue doing it. I am scared that if they continue that I will have to bury them sooner than expected and that my kids won't be able to see them as long as they can. I want my parents to be around when my kids go to prom and to college. But the way that they are going it won't be too long before they are gone forever and I don't think that I am strong enough to have that happen and to have to explain to my kids what happened and thet they will never ever have the chance to see their grandparents again. Please help. Any advise will be taken. I am looking for free programs like counseling programs for them to figure out the source of the alcoholism. Please. I can't continue seeing them kill themselves and I will pray for all of the other stories that I have read about on this page. Scared and Confused. :(



By: Juliet

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 08:44:01 +0000

My mum is an alcoholic too. i can't quite say when she started but her drinking has had alot of negative impacts on our family. We are six children and no one likes her anymore because she is constantly embarrassing us. She too has attempted suicide twice.Her drinking has especially impacted my sister who is 22 now because they were really close before the drinking became a problem. She has neglected all her motherly duties, does not care about her children, house or husband. She constantly cheats on my dad with whichever drinking buddy is willing and does not even bother to hide her infidelity. My sister once tried to commit sucide because she saw no meaning in life and am worried about her. one of my youngest brothers has gone quite and says nothing about anything to the family.



By: Theresa

Mon, 25 Apr 2011 19:29:49 +0000

Worried- There is hope. My father, age 58, has been an alcoholic and addict since he was in his late teens. Now that he is older, alcoholism is affecting his health- he has liver cancer, but still drinks until he is plastered. I've had to grow up with the constant chaos, guilt, anxiety, shame, inability to trust, anger, depression, and embarassment. Some of these things I did not suffer through until I was no longer living with my alcoholic father, but was bothered by his drinking and the fact I did not know how to function out of chaos or make choices- I didn't realize I had any because our family always surrounded around whatever mood Daddy was in. Rather how drunk he was. I was always in constant worry about daddy and everything else in my life. But then, I found a program called AL-ANON which is for anyone that has been bothered by someone else's drinking. Through AL-ANON, I have learned to live life happy, joyous, and free from worry even though my father is still drinking. You should check out a meeting. You can find a meeting in your area at this address: www.al-anon.alateen.org/. Much love and best wishes, Theresa



By: worried

Tue, 05 Apr 2011 17:17:42 +0000

My mum is 54 she has been an alcoholic all my life and im 24 coming this year. its really hard to watch as my dad died also a few years ago from alcoholism...im at my wits end with her, i have tried everything from sympathising and just bearing with it to hitting her with the hard cold facts that she is slowly killing herself and promising a better relationship with her grandchildren who she barely see's at the minute. nothing seems to phase her and i really dont know wat to do... i just cant watch it anymore



By: nina

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 03:27:48 +0000

My mother is 66, started drinking ten years ago because she retired too early and wasnt a social butterfly. She now weighs about 80 pounds, doesn't eat well or bathe much. My sister goes to the store to buy my mom her alcohol in order to keep her from driving. I don't think this is the right thing to do. It sucks because your parent can slowly kill themselves in front of you and you can't do a single thing. Plus it tears apart the family, everyone fights with each other over what is the best thing. We secretly hope she'll die in her sleep, I suppose, rather than a fall or seizure. How morbid.



By: Allie

Sun, 16 May 2010 04:55:28 +0000

My mom is actually currently drunk. She just came in telling me how stupid I am and how she is going to cancel all of my prom plans and how she cant wait until she doesnt have to deal with anypart of me anymore. i hadnt even said one word to her. She has been drinking a lot every day recently and I am really worried about her. She gets VERY mean when she is drunk. I dont know what to do. PLEASE HELP! tell me what i should do



By: janice

Fri, 09 Apr 2010 02:33:51 +0000

my dad is an alcholic and im 17, he completely denies it. ive told him repeatly that he is an alcholic and he repeatly denies it. ive told him ill help him get help and support him through his recovery but he tells me im being stupid and immature. my older brother ignores it, and my sister had moved out now. my younger brother is too young to undertand aswell. i feel like im respnsible for getting him better. he is not the same person he was, and he shows me no signs taht h loves me. all i want is for him to be my dad again.