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Preview: Warning: Life Under Construction

Warning: Life Under Construction

Warning: Life Under Construction -

Last Build Date: Sat, 12 Nov 2011 21:37:23 GMT


still alive

Sat, 12 Nov 2011 21:37:23 GMT

No, I haven't forgot about my LiveJournal account.  However, since good ol' LJ has made it impossible to write profitable posts, I've been concentrating on my blogger site and on finishing my ebook (for Kindle and Nook).

As for my main job, the board of directors fired the company president and then made him chairman of the board.  Stupidity is its own reward, I guess. 

Otherwise, the company has been very profitable for the investors.  My co-workers and I have even more work and still not enough help to get things done.  Pay raises remain in the realm of unicorns and flying pigs.  So, yay!, little has changed.

What is the worth of a cleaning woman?

Fri, 27 May 2011 01:49:57 GMT

Last month, I learned about the hardships our company's cleaning woman had recently had to endured. Her son had suddenly been afflicted by epileptic fits. Of course, this meant trips to a major health clinic several miles away. Our HR directory told our cleaning woman not worry. Her job was safe and to focus on the health of her son.

Monday, the plant manager called our cleaning woman to the HR office. They said she wasn't doing a good enough job and that her cleaning services were no longer needed. In other words, our cleaning lady lost her job without prior notice that it was in jeopardy.

I also learned that a former cleaning woman who had been promoted to assembly line worker has been spreading a few rumors. She didn't like her promotion and wanted to return to her former duties. I don't know how much of an influence her disparaging remarks had on the plant manager. In any case, she now has her former job back.

More Hits on the ol' Resume

Tue, 24 May 2011 23:42:56 GMT

Today, I returned to work after visiting family and attending my son's graduation. I wasn't surprised to see my work phone's 'new messages' lamp greet me with an intense red glow. I was surprised to listen to two of the messages refer to my resume on Monster and ask "would I be interested in a job that seems to match my qualification?"

New and better work opportunities? Hmmmm. After getting mind-numbing updates from my boss on the latest project insanities, I'll have to think a few moments on those possible jobs offers before I ... yes! YES! I will call!

GOOD Grief, LJ

Mon, 23 May 2011 23:08:58 GMT

I tried to log in and resume posting. Yet, the obvious security measures that LiveJournal has put in place delay my log-in by a good 5 minutes. After signing into LJ, I was able to log on to my "Adapt, Adopt, and Improve", post an entry, and then return here before finally having the privilege of posting this.

ANYWAY, I will be working to post more often entries such as:
"I need to add a couple of items to my resume. One of them is that I've never done anything bad enough that Ashton Kutcher had to become my replacement."

I've got to hone my writing skills (if there are any). Earning money is behind this endeavor and I don't have time to spare.

Thanks a lot, hackers and LJ

Wed, 11 May 2011 16:51:17 GMT

If you have visited blogs on Live Journal last month, you noticed a little difficulty getting to your favorite sites. If you're a LJ blogger, you noticed how frustrating it was to post anything. It was especially frustrating for those of us trying to meet deadlines with our writing assignments.

But those stressful days are gone now. And since LJ now automatically puts a "no follow" tag on every link that you write, gone are the income producing days as well.

Thanks, hackers! And thanks, LJ!

Just a reminder

Wed, 04 May 2011 00:19:47 GMT

You would think that everyday should be Mother's Day. But, thanks to Woodrow Wilson's guilty conscience, we must celebrate Mother's Day on this coming Sunday ... or else.

My friend’s guilt has her ranting that she must get a fruit basket to her mom by Sunday. And not just any fruit basket, it has to be an organic fruit basket delivery. Heaven forbid that her mother received an inorganic version. I imagine such a basket consists of plastic fruit and is the type of arrangement that manikin children would send to their stiff, unyielding manikin moms.

Of course, if you had met my friend’s mother, you might find similarities between the two maternal beings. Not only would my friend's mom enjoyed the plastic fruit, she would make a salad out of it and expect you to try some ... or else.

A Little Slap in the Face...

Tue, 03 May 2011 23:25:01 GMT

Last week, management summoned us to the cafeteria to hand out brand-new employee manuals. After reading it, I don't think anyone will make a movie about it. You can't get any better than "Office Space".

The Cliff's notes edition is this: make sure we employees weren't cheating the company out of anything with our 10-hours-of-work-for-8-hours-of-pay efforts. For example, take the new rule for hourly employees concerned overtime.

In the past, if someone worked over eight hours in a day, they received time and a half pay for those few minutes over eight hours. Since it has been over seven years since they've had a pay raise, this little bit of overtime money helps many families as you can imagine.

The new rule is that a worker will get overtime but only after putting in over 40 hours in a week. Oh, as it was repeatedly mentioned, this new procedure was not a cost-cutting decision.

Naturally, there has been a little rumbling amongst the troops. So today, management summoned only the hourly people to the cafeteria. Our gracious overlords expressed sympathy over the change in the overtime procedure. "Not a cost-cutting measure, we just following guidance of the law." Then, in a spirit of generosity, our CFO announced a pay raise for our hard-working, time-clock-punching workers! After seven long years of dedicated effort, this $36 million a year company has blessed all 35 of its hourly coworkers with … wait for it … a $0.25 an hour raise in wages. I don't know about you but, as my friends drive to work, I'm sure that quarter will certainly put a dent in their gasoline and food bill.

Surprisingly, there was no standing ovation. No one jumped up on their chairs and roared the company's name in cheers of admiration. At the end of the meeting, everyone quietly walked back to the workstations and considered their future employment options.

Ow Ow Ow

Sat, 23 Apr 2011 23:21:19 GMT

Okay, folks! I get it! You're getting older and the highlight of your day is to complain about your pains.

Well, I've got a few pains of my own. But do we really need to trade stories about the results from sleeping the wrong way? (Exactly when did the simple act of resting on a bed become so complicated?)

There are days when I've considered wrapping my bendable parts with aircast braces. I've strongly considered encasing my entire body in one of those inflatable sumo wrestling costumes. In fact, if things don't get better, you will find me in New York on Thanksgiving day. Be sure to wave. I'll be the one tethered by several ropes as I float in the Macy's Day Parade. Padded and pain free, hopefully.

"Just a little wind"

Tue, 19 Apr 2011 23:56:26 GMT

That was my comment on Saturday as the wind and rain forced the top of the neighbors' trees to kiss the pavement. Next came the nickel and dime sized hail. Had I been standing outside, I would have certainly been nickeled and dimed to death --- sort of like having an account with the Bank of America, only less painful.

As I jokingly said, "Don't worry, it's just a little wind", the power cut out. In the sudden silence, we then heard an odd rushing noise overhead. Later, we learned that a tornado, one that had touched destructively down only moments ago a few miles to our west, had bounced over our neighborhood and then vandalized a housing area 5 miles to our east. I would have bought a lottery ticket at that point but all the stores were shut down.

That night we lived by the light of an almost full moon, several candles, and the fire of a charcoal grill as I saved hamburger from death by an unpowered refrigerator. I also had to make the supreme sacrifice and drink up all the Guinness that resided peacefully in our locally warming fridge. Sometimes you just have to make the best of tough times. I did. And now I have "just a little wind" from my adventure.

It's not what you drink but how

Sun, 10 Apr 2011 15:26:45 GMT

Big news from a top British medical journal recently. They announced that excessive drinking of alcohol directly leads to certain types of cancer: liver, mouth, esophagus, and breast. Breast cancer? I guess that's what happens when you nurse your drink.

foolhardy and eat hearty

Sat, 09 Apr 2011 23:14:59 GMT

By cresting just over $3 million, the month of March set new shipping records for our company. This was great news when combined the company's promise of giving us our pay raise assessment on April 1st.

Then April 1st arrived and, in true spirit of the day, the CFO sent out an e-mail saying that they needed a few more weeks to talk to the Board of Directors. No foolin’. But, to honor our valiant efforts and hard work (and in lieu of pay), our gracious overlords are to give us a steak meal with all the trimmings for lunch on Monday.

I guess it's unfortunate for the people who had already made vacation plans and won't be able to partake. I guess you could call this their mis-steak.

Almost Had Foot-in-Mouth disease

Sat, 09 Apr 2011 22:41:35 GMT

My dentist lives a few houses down the street from me. I'm glad that she's a woman doctor. Besides the obvious, I just enjoy going to her office. Sure, pain is involved but then what relationship is free from pain. It's just rewarding change of pace to be told by a woman to open my mouth instead of to shut it.

During my dental checkup a few days ago, she mentioned that she had to do something about the colorless film that was forming on the outside of her white house. At first, I thought the problem was due to her less-than-considerate neighbors who are big fish eaters and enjoy tartar sauce immensely. You can tell how these neighbors enjoy the sauce by the way they toss the empty jars between the two houses and let the number of empties grow between trash pickup days. I was thinking that this tartar buildup was contributing to her dilemma of plaque on the surface of her white house.

Turns out that, not only did my teeth need cleaning, but also my ears. She was talking about the new town requirement to have large house plaques installed in front of all residential dwellings.

Even though my mouth was wide open during this conversation, I was fortunate enough to be unable to speak. And that's the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

The Things Guys Will Wear

Tue, 05 Apr 2011 23:10:53 GMT

Over the years, I've been writing down some extremely unusual personalized sweatshirts for men. Here's a few that I'll share:

Aged twins wearing sweatshirts of the same color. One man's shirt is printed with "I'm with stupid", the other displays "My other half is special". Sibling rivals, perhaps?

Rather large gentleman sipping a beer while reclining in a lawn chair that is surrounded by 6 inches of uncut grass and weeds. His shirt said, "Git er done!" No, apparently not.

A biker dude wearing a picture of Bruce Willis from his "Die Hard" movies and the caption, "Yippee ki yay, Oedipus!" Wow! An educated biker!

More later ...

A Wet Victory

Sun, 03 Apr 2011 21:30:08 GMT

Today, I battled my deadly arch nemesis - home plumbing. Yet, after 4 brutal hours of knuckle-busting fights and frustrating trips to Lowe's and Home Depot, I ended up victorious! To say that I'm a tad moist from the excitement is an understatement.

I have heard that the most important tool that a handy man can have is his checkbook. So, I read my checkbook. It said that I should be hauling in my water from a nearby river. And I would but water barrel hats are a bad fashion statement right now.

Act Now!

Wed, 30 Mar 2011 23:03:38 GMT

Do you have what it takes?! Do your fingers leave skid marks from burning up the keyboard as an uncontrollable multitude of words spew forth? Do you have the ability to make nonsense sound as plausible as a slick campaign speech? If this sounds like you then read no further. Opportunity is knocking just for you. Of course, you will have to read further to answer that knock!

That's right! This is for you!! Act now and you too can be hyping about hgh pills, over priced perfumes, expensive cigars, and exotic places that you'll never visit. Be the envy of your neighborhood as you blog to your heart's content about nothing and everything! Never in history so many people, with so little to say, written so much to so few who care. Now is your chance. Act now!

Secure Your Facebook Account! part 2

Sun, 27 Mar 2011 22:19:23 GMT

In the last post, I wrote about securing your Facebook account from people intercepting your keystrokes when you're on public computers and wireless networks. Today, I read that AT&T customers had their Facebook traffic routed accidentally through China and Korea. If you didn't have your account secured like I told you, your personal data was fair game to anyone who wanted to look. Just sayin' ....

Protect Your Facebook Account! NOW!

Sun, 27 Mar 2011 21:23:18 GMT

I understand that Mark Zuckerberg has expressed his concern with the security of millions of people who use his Facebook website. Yet, I can't help but wonder if he has a secret alliance with spammers and anyone else who wants to easily get any and all of your personal information.

I can picture him lighting up an camacho triple maduro cigar with $100 bill as he gazes across an expensive mahogany desk while reassuring a fellow conspirator on the other side. "Sure, we're going to put in security features to appease our members concerns. But don't worry. We're not going to turn them on."

I say this because the latest security feature that Facebook has available but is not on by default. This vital component protects you if you are visiting Facebook on a wireless computer or at public spot such as an Internet café. This "option" is so important in protecting your account, that you need to follow the following instructions immediately!

Log on to your Facebook account.

Click on the menu option "Account" (located in the upper right-hand corner as of this writing) and select “Account Settings".

Scroll down the page until you see "Account Security" and click on the word "change" located to the right of Account Security".

Under the option “Secure Browsing (https)”, you'll see a box next to the phrase “Browse Facebook on a secure connection (https) whenever possible”. Click on that box so that it has the checked symbol in it. Now click on the button [Save].

Finish up by logging out of your Facebook account.

At this point, when ever you sign back into Facebook, your connection will be disguised. This will prevent malicious people from listening in on your Facebook connection and garnering your precious personal data.

Something that should be on by default, no?

Did My Part!

Sun, 27 Mar 2011 16:06:27 GMT

Last night, I did my part to protect the Earth from deadly human luminescence. During Earth Hour, I drove my car without turning on my headlights. I passed many drivers who honked their horns loudly and repeatedly in support.

All in all, my little highway trip was a success in spite of the blinding blue lights of the police car. Apparently, some in government aren't as concerned about their light pollution. However, the officer was kind enough to certify my Earth-friendly action. Even though he wrote the ticket on earth-unfriendly paper, he wished that there were more conscientious people like me. I believe his exact word was, "Mo’ron!”

And so, the evening was a success. In spite of the murky darkness, I had no trouble finding my way back home. I made sure that I had left all the lights on at my home.

best wishes .... grrrr

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 00:23:39 GMT

This weekend, several of my friends have headed out to the coast and the Outer Banks to soak in surf and sun. Naturally, they teased the rest of us inland dwellers about their upcoming mini-vacations.

I just want say that if any of them post a spiteful "ROTBL" (rolling on the beach, laughing) on Facebook, I hope they get sand in places when the coastal sun doesn't shine ... like their cell phone keyboards. Just sayin' ...

My Contribution

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 00:17:17 GMT

A friend complained on his Facebook page about the millions spent on exploding missiles in Libya. Ok. I may have a solution. I will go to Libya and tell jokes. I already bomb stateside for free. Who wants to join me?

And so it begins...

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 21:49:15 GMT

The line in the sand -- sand that has the quality of overused kitty litter -- has been drawn. Last Friday, my lawyer answered the outrageous letter from my former spouse's lawyer. His/my response also includes a mention of my almost $4000 in over-payments. Not that I'll ever see those hard-earned dollars again.

Today, I extended my sandy line by discontinuing all further moneys to the greedy ex. In a couple of days, her lovely troll of lawyer should be telling her that her gravy-train has pulled into the station and has gone out of commission. Fireworks should be forthcoming!

All of my children had their fill of her. Over the weekend, they told me how they are more than ready to testify in court about her inexcusable conduct. But I will do everything in my power to keep them from being dragged into this new (and hopefully final) battle.

Of course, she might continue her groundless demands for more undeserved money in spite of logic and justice. Not a problem. I have a couple more legal lines-in-the-sand to draw. So the fun is really just about to beginning ...

"Meet the new boss, same as the old boss"

Sat, 19 Mar 2011 14:19:55 GMT

Yep, it's a official. Today, our boss introduced us to another level of management between ourselves and him. This new guy is supposed to "help us manage our projects more effectively", which is former-boss-speak for "you won't be able to blame me for shifting your priorities on an hourly basis any more. That's the new guy's job."

This change of events remind me of a Dilbert cartoon. Coincidentally, my new boss, TR, even looks like a red-headed version of Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, along with having the soul of Catbert. For instance, TR asked us, his new acquired minions, if we needed any test equipment. Let's see, our old, over-used equipment is currently being held together with duct tape and spit. "Heck yes!" we answered enthusiastically. "Fine." he answered, "See what you can find on e-bay and I'll try and get the purchases approved." Abused, out-of-warranty tools of the trade? Great! I can't wait to see what other adventures are in store for us!

I'm in print .... again!

Wed, 16 Mar 2011 12:03:24 GMT

A few months ago, Martin Rowe of Test & Measurement magazine interviewed me for an article. I didn't hear back afterwards --- he didn't write, didn't call, didn't even buy me dinner -- I figured I must have been a pretty bad source.

Today, I happened to open the latest issue of T & M (which has been sitting in my mailbox for several days now) and what do you know ... there is my name in print, in a National magazine, the 2nd time in the past 5 years. I feel like the luckiest engineer in the whole wide company. Unfortunately, I don't think it will matter if anyone at work knows about this.

I laughed and laughed and laughed

Tue, 15 Mar 2011 00:20:13 GMT

My daughter told me the funniest thing today. Well, maybe not funny to you, but absolutely hilarious to me.

The reason my former spouse wants to take me to court for yet more money is because she believes ... get this ... that I am running several profitable Internet businesses! Wow! I am getting so forgetful that I've kept these successful enterprises from myself and from my bank account!

I have no idea where my looney-tunes ex came up with this notion. Obviously, she hasn't found my blogs. If she had, she too would be shocked to learn that I made a whooping $600 last year from them. (Woo-hoo!) Her shock would last only long enough for her pea brain to kick into action and demand "So where's our cut?!"

Of course, maybe I have a smarter evil twin who's running around and making tons of money. Apparently, he's also very selfish since he hasn't contacted me or shared a little of the wealth. Or, since he is the smarter of the two of us, he's waiting for the remaining divorce drama to end before he showers me in untold riches.

I can dream. At least, I know the difference between self-made illusions and reality.


The Reign of the Spring time bathroom

Sat, 12 Mar 2011 19:59:24 GMT

Let's hear it for spring! In a few weeks, the gentle rains of April showers will bring forth May flowers, followed by much rejoicing by allergy medicine companies.

As for me, the unsightliness of my deteriorating bathroom is making my eyes weep and itch for some much needed improvements. With the warmer weather, I can open up a window and, starting with the tub, begin forcefully moving the eyesore from indoors to outdoors.

So, it looks like April shower faucets may bring hopes for a remodeled bathroom, or hopes of a new dwelling if this project takes a turn for the worse.