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"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."



Updated: 2016-09-24T06:19:12.536-07:00

 



new post

2010-09-15T20:38:10.335-07:00

tara lets na tayo sa bago at fresh na domain ko:


www.mainintangulo.tumblr.com



Mwah to all!

2009-07-15T16:24:58.305-07:00

Damn, I missed blogging , it’s been a while since I last posted my kachorvahan sa ‘net. And daming nagbago pero ganun pa dn. Wala pa ding pera at broken hearted pa din after 4 ill-gotten relationships. Kaasar no, walang nagbago, sa tinagal tagal ng paghahanap ko ng matinding lovelife, nakow, ganito pa din ang resulta ng survey ng puso—ZERO.

Alam mo kung ano pa namiss ko, ang magcheck ng blogs ng iba. Ang una kong binasa ang yung blog ni Zai, grabe ang tagal na nilang magjowa ng booboo nya, at take note ah 32 months na ung latest “oldest post” check ko. Ako kaya kelang ako magbibilang ng months ng relationship.

Sa sobrang daming nangyari, lahat sila gusto ko ng isulat, sunod sunod ang “series of unfortunate events” ng life ko. Syempre din a bago ang series din ng heartbreaks. Namiss ko ang mga friends ko dito, wag ka ah, nagsilbing guide din ang blog ko para hanapin ang sarili ko(naks ang corni ko pa din no?!). I guess I’ll be updating my blog soon. At dadalasan ko na ito.Sana, mabilis naman kong magtype eh. Mga 5 a day siguro ang idedevote kong time for blogging, Nakow, puro ako salita, gawin ko na nga lang!!

After francis, nakalimutan ko na ang mga naging x ko. Naalala ko na lang ung latest na porn star na tagapangasinan na umutang ng P300 at ng makuha ang pera ay din a nagparamdam muli. Ayos diba, sa halagang pang starbucks ko, nagawa nyang lisanin ang trust ko.

O shala, kever muna ang dami ko pang babasahi. Syempre, forever interested ako sa mga whereabouts ng blogfriends ko, ang kanilang lovelife na mausbong pa sa orchid at ang kanilang witty blog posts.

Hmmm. Anu na kaya balita kila dave, mak ang jom. Haha. Patay tayo kay jom mukang lightyears ko bago ko mabasa ng tuluyan ang kanyang mga akda simula January. Tambak ako ng updates na kelangan gawin. Sobrang naoverwhelm ako kasi sa dumating ng “blessing” sa akin lately(positive thinking pa ako nyan kaya in quotation marks ang drama).

Namiss ko kayong lahat ng nasa post ko.

At ung iba na gusto kong mabasang blog. Wala na….



Roberto jesus

2009-01-22T19:43:02.053-08:00

Kala mo 2008 ay tapos na, nakow, may mga last threads pa ng mga heartbreaks ang nagpabigla sa iyo. Ang mga latest na salarin: sila ryan, rj.

Tinitipid ko pa nga ang mga boys na yan kasi nga kapag naubos na si gian, patay na, mahirap na namang magscreen ng mga potential applicants. Si Ryan, hehe, pede ng idiscard, fubu yun eh. May booking sana kami nuon last Wednesday pero din a natuloy, may pasok kasi daw sya. Ok fine sa loob loob ko, It’s not my lost naman eh(or his).

Dinadaan ko na nga lang sa pagoovertime sa work ang mga heartbreaks na to eh. Si ryan di naman talaga heartbreak since wala naman akong interest sa kanya romantically. So there,tapos na ang ryan monologue ko.

Ito na si rj…tadaaa! Halos magdadalawang buwan na kaming magkadate eh, flirt-an sa txt at kapag nagkikita sa mall eh todo dikit kami sa isat isa. Alam mo kung anung nagpaapekto sa akin kay rj, ganito kasi yun, last year mga December sinabihan nya ako na he likes me. Ako naman ok fine, let’s get to know each other tapos minsan labas tayo. Yun na nga, pumayag naman syang lumabas kami,nagkita pa kami nuon sa SM Bacoor eh, dinayo ko talaga yung lugar para magkita lang kami. Typical na date lang. cine. Kain. Holding hands. Mga ganun. Parang “kami” na kung nagcine kami, hinawakan nya ang kamay ko-nagholding hands kami inshort. At kahit na may mga dumadaan sa may sinehan at tinitingnan kami, wala lang kaming pakialam. Napakalakas ng “aura” ko nuon sa tao. Nagshoot up ang aking egometer at confidence, kasi wafu si rj, siguro nadaan ko sa inner beauty ang pag wow sa kanya. Tapos nilamig daw sya, ako naman kasi may jacket, pinahiram ko sa kanya, at habang nakakumot sya ng jacket ko, tuloy pa din sa paghoholding hands. Kinakagat na nga nya yung mga daliri ko eh. I find it amusing kasi ang cute nyang tingnan habang nanggigil sya sa akin. At nung may pumuwestong mga kupals sa taas ng inuupuan namen, napagpasyahan naming bumili muna ng ice cream. Hehe. Talagang ice cream kasi yun ang deal namen eh. Selecta family pack ang binili namen, tigisang kutsara pa kami nuon while making subo to each other. Ang sweet nga eh. Then sa gitna ng ice cream suboan session, naghalikan kami, grabe di marunong humalik si ri, pero ok lang, it’s the tot dat counts naman eh.

Lumabas na kami ng cine na sobrang happy. Parang kami na kasi eh. Gusto ko yung parati nya akong pinapalapit sa kanya, inaakbayan nya ako, tapos naglalakad kaming nassa err..bilbil ko ang mga kamay nya. Hehe.

Hanggang ganun lang pala yun. Kasi nuong una palang eh alam ko na sinabi nya sa akin na di sya ready sa relationship, ako naman si “let’s give it a try” na tao, nagrisk ako na baka magbago pa ang isip nya. Nung papaalis na ako dahil may pasok pa ako, hinatid nya ako sa sakayan papuntang zapote tapos flying kisses ang drama. Then nagtext sya na sorry kasi nga daw di pa sya ready blah blah blah…

Nagdate kami ulet mga ilang araw pa lang nakakalipas, bagong payday kasi ako eh Naulet ang ice cream moments. Ang kiss.

Hanggang ganun na lang talaga eh. Wag ko na lang ipilit. Di pa daw sya ready.

Madami pang nangyari inbetween eh. yung pagbili ko ng gamot sa kanya ng wala syang pera. yung pagbigay ng pera para makahanap sya ng trabaho(na babayaran naman daw nya kapag nagkawork na, yung bj scene namen sa cinehan while watching Bedtime stories.

Ang dami daming nangyari. Hanggang ganun na lang ba yun?



Aeros

2008-11-28T07:26:48.738-08:00

Akalain mo nga naman no, niyaya kitang magmit nung isang linggo pero di mo ako tinanggihan, putcha sa wafu mong yan ang dami mong boyfriend pero napili mo pa ding i meet ako kahit gabing gabi na. Matakaw ka nga eh. dami mong nakaing jobee nung nilibre kita, amf, parati naman pala kitang libre no?! haha. Tatlong beses na tayong nagmit for this month!

Dati nagsasabihan na tayo na tayo since we like each other naman sa txt, magiging "tayo" na kapag nagmit, pero nung nagkita tayo sa southmall para manuod ng cine, na syempre ako ang taya kasi 3rd year nursing student ka pa lang, niyaya mo lang ako for an seb. Sabi mo pa nga sa akin na medyo kakasawa na ang magboyfriend kasi papalit palit ka lang naman, isa pa, inaaway mo kasi ang mga jowa mo. Kahit kaw ang may kasalanan, hala, warla mode ka pa din. Bitch ka na kung Bitch, pero inamin mo din naman sa akin na ganun ka talaga ka--pasaway. Pero ako isa lang ako sa mga dami na mga kakilala mo na nakakaintindi at nakakatolerate sa ugali mo, eh ganun ang tingin ko weh, at least nasasabi ko na "ako lang ang para sa iyo."

Alam mo na kapag dumadaan ka na nakaporma, tinitingnan ka ng tao kasi bukod sa wafu ka, balbun ka pa at may contact lenses pa, putcha blue yun eh. Ang ganda nga na mata kapag tinitingnan ko.

Naalala ko tuloy, nung nanuod tayo ng cine, naghalikan tayo. Pakiramdam ko ang hava ng hair ko nun kasi sabi mo di ka humahalik sa mga taong di mo buddy. So may puntos na din ako for you.

Ewan ko nga eh, nasasabi ko sa txt na gustong gusto kita pero sa personal, kapag nandyan ka na, wala na...di ko na masabi kung ganu kita gustong maging bf. Alangan din naman ako weh, syempre may ego din naman akong pinangangalagaan. In short, kung maari, ayaw kong ireject mo ako. Sabi mo mas ok na din kung friend na muna tayo, friends with benefits. Aray ko, sabi ko...ganun lang yon?!

Putek, itetext mo lang ako kung nangangati ka, ganun na nga ba?!

Isa pa pala, sinabihan mo ako na dapat fashionista ako...kasi nga mga "bi" tayo. At dun daw kilala ang mga bading..ok sabi ko, at sinabi mo din sa akin na "try mo minsang magayos"--nakow po, tumbling, wala akong alam pagdating sa pagiging "fashionista."

Tingnan mo, pati sa blog ko nahihiya pa akong aminin: alam kong madami kang naging x na sobrang wafu, at wala akong panama sa kanila, pero kapag gusto mo na ng "substance over quantity", nandito lang naman ako. Intay kita.



Time after time

2008-11-02T00:33:27.471-07:00

Pedeng magpalit naman tayo ng status, pede bang ikaw naman yung maghabol, pede bang tumuntong ako sa sitwasyon mo ngayon, para kasing ang saya mo eh. Palit naman tayo ng buhay kahit isang araw lang, imamaximize ko ang use mo, wag kang magalala. Tingnan ko lang ko mas magiging lovable ba ako sa tingin ng ibang tao kapag ako na ikaw. Kahet minsan lang no?

Akala ko pa naman ang tapang ko pagdating sa ganito, heto na naman, after 8 failed attempts sa romance siguru dapat kong baguhin ang style ko, dapat siguro mas swabe ang dating. Mas relaxed. Para kasi ata akong killer kung nagyayayang magdate eh, baka muka lang talaga akong killer. Come on, eight failed attempts sa romance, sino bang di panghihinaan ng loob nun?!. Anung strategy kaya ang dapat I set next time? Siguro dapat mag put kaya ako ng mga fake profiles sa net then maging “sila” for the next few months then I lure sila sa aken, then itrap ko sila. Talk 'bout showing your true colors!

Tapos si francis di na ako kinakausap, la na sigurong chance for a second try. Namimiss ko tuloy sya. Nakarma siguro ako sa ginawa kong panggagago sa kanya. Eto ako ngayun isplattered na ebak. Sino naman ba ang next? San na ako pupunta?

Kung pede lang magpalit ng pagkatao, at least kinopya ko na ang personality at features ni benjie, at least yung lovable, madaling makahanap ng magmamahal. Sa labanan ngayun, puro ideals na ang competisyon, wala pa akong maioofer sa kanila bukod sa “true love” at “confidence.” Tang’na sana maymagalok ng true love sa akin. Yung tipong magiging proud ako. Sa pinuntahang Geb kagabi, puro sila mga past lovers ang topic. Ayun naanod ako kasi di ako nakasabay.

Ito na naman po tayo. Try ulet ng romance. Mahahanap din yan. Di ko siguro year ngayun. Sana next year iba na hatol ni cupid.

“I have a need to feel special too”-Special/Janet Jackson



Loser

2008-10-08T01:11:10.110-07:00

Losses...

Lets’ count the ways

First I’ve broken up with Francis since I don’t want the idea of having sex with another person while he is still involved with me romantically, I kind of(read: KINDA) regret the idea because there isn’t anyone to fill in his part. I lost him. October 28the was the day I texted him that it’s over. Now I’m blue and all alone and single and December is fast approaching and there’s the idea o being single again for a long time before another one bites the dust (my dust).

Then there’s cvr. Goodbye to you. I was kicked out of the program because of “multiply ncns incidents.” I loved cvg like a boyfriend. Its building became my second home, second nature. I’ll miss its internal arctic temperatures, its people, and my friends. And best of all I’ll definitely miss the ever-disposable paper towels. I only have a bunch to mop my face. No more of them! Of course, I miss my friends to; I believe it’s time for me to na rin, but then again like my first relationship, I didn’t take care of the relationship. What a failure. But I’m ready to face it all again. So what’s next in line for me?



Swallowed everything in full

2008-09-30T23:37:29.496-07:00

Heto na naman maglolook back sa mga sinasabing pagbabago pero hanggang ngayun walang nagbago sa mga pagrarason at kalibugan ko. Walang sense no. Sabi ko kasi na di ako ang taong makikipaglaro pagdating sa larangan ng pagibig. Tingnan mo naman ako ngayun, si Francis, na ang taong wala akong masabi na kasamaan ay “parang niloko” ng makipagbreak sa kanya for Jl aka “greener pasture.” Tapos nung nagdate kame kahapon sa southmall eh parang di ko naman sya ganun ka feel. Parang natakaw tingin lang ako sa ideya ng boyfriendship, ganun pala yun no. kala ko pa naman napakamagical ng magiging lovestory ko pero di pala. Walang espesyal sa pagkakaron ng bf, para lang kayong taong pedeng magkiss at magdo ng may consent mutually.

Ang dali ko talagang magsawa, may mga ganun talagang tao no, napakainsatiable. Tapos isa pa pala yung”moral” ko na di ako makikipagdo sa mga prospects ko dahil exclusive ang relationship namen kuno, eh mainvite lang ako sa seb eh kahit puyat at pagod ako eh nakakapag provide ako ng pangmotel, ganun talaga ata ako kalibog. Gusto ko lang muna puro sex, walang hang-ups. Walang commitment. Walang problema. Di insatiable si sex kaya halos araw araw ay may craving ako dito.

Sayang ang postponed seb namen ni aeros, nakaset na ang lahat sana eh, magpapareserve na nga ako sa eurotel ng room eh, pero di natuloy kasi intayin ko daw sya sa school after 7 pm, eh may pasok ako kinaumagahan at ayaw ko ng maulet ang susp ko dahil sa ncns after ng sex scene naming ni francis, kaya ayun, tumanggi muna ako, At syempre si aeros ay isang super bitch, puro dada naman sa txt ang naabot ko. Tapos after a while bati na ulet kame, Minsan magulo yun. Topakin kumbaga.

Isa naman tong si iliac, syet, ok meet, sa perpetual Molino ko daw sya intayin mga 8pm kasi may mga school responsibilities pa sya na dapat tapusin. Papayag na sana akong malate sa work kinaumagana dahil sa pagod at puyat eh, Dakota daw kasi yung taong yun, abot 7inches ang kargada, mataba pa daw, napangiti ako sa ideya na magiging happy meal ang kainan namen nito sa sogo. Mind you, nagovertime pa ako sa office para makakuha ng mga sodexho passes para yun na lang ang ipambyad ko sa mga motel pero di ko nasigurado kung tinatanggap nila yun. Basta talaga kalibugan, willing akong magsakripisyo!

Sa ngayun, play muna ako. Time ko naming lumandi na eh. I have evolved. I’ve learned



August. Things that happened

2008-09-01T00:10:19.744-07:00

August 2: Burol ni dad ni Thad, ito sana ang ultimate geb for the clan eh. Burol slash group meet for the entire clan members. Kalandian ko pa dito si Mark, grabe, pakiramdam ko napakaindemand ako dahil parati akong pinapansin ni fafi mark. hehe pero naging malamig ako sa kanya kasi kabebreak lang nya sa Jowa nya. ayaw ko namang maging rebound guy.

Aug 13: Shet dito ka magpapaturok sa braso para kumuha ng dugo at tumuwad sa harap ng isang hottie doctor para ixaminin kung may hernia ka. Wala na akong kever pagdating sa ganito, dati syang kyeme factor para sa akin, pano ba naman kasi, yung doctor minsan sobrang hottie(pede ba doc gatasan nyo prostate ko po, kasi anu weh...)

Aug15; haha! ito ang pinaka"turning point" ng finance ko for the week ahead. Gash napagastos kame ni jerome ng 5.4k, nilibre naman namin kasi yung dalawa pa naming kaibigan eh. Crustacia ang pangalan ng restaurant, ATC, buti na lang kame lang yung tao sa restaurant, hehe. Para akong hihimtayin nung nakita namen yung bill. Ang mga order namen: apat na crab order na ibat iba ang pagkaluto, isang tom yum soup(na swabe sa sarap) bottomless ice tea, tapos isang hot tea, siguro may bayad yung lemon na pinagkiskisan ko ng kamay at yung hot towel. Mahal kasi eh. Pero babalik pa kami dun ulet. Mga once a month siguro. Basta masatisfy lang yung craving for seafoods.

Aug 16: nakipagmeet sa mga clan membersa sa SM Bacoor. DInala ko pa dito yung librong Brusko Pink dahil kailangan ni Daniel. At kasama naman ni Francis ang isang taong bigla na lang sumulpot habang naglalaro sya ng arcade. Ayun apat kame, chit chat. kumain sa chowking at nanuod ng cine. Hinawakan ni Francis ang kamay kong malamig for the first time habang nanunuond ng The mummy, na di ko na namalayan kung anung istorya dahil sa emo factor ng holding hands while watching sine.Mga 1.5k ang nagastos ko dun.

Aug 18: Let you Uriko day. Haay dito nya sinabi sa akin ng friend ko na kailangan ko ng ilet go si U dahil futile ang mga attempt ko pagdating sa pag woo sa kanya. DI nga nagwork. Pero we remain cordial about it.

AUg 20:Ot ako til 5am: After a bangag factor(inuman sa foodshop sa tapat ng munisipyo) at wala pang tulog at malamang nangangamoy alak, dumeretso ako sa work na pulang pula ang tenga at muka at mukang nakadrugs dahil sa dalawang shot lang ng emperador. Di ako tumitingin sa mga nakakasalubong ko para di halata. Buti na lang wala ang tl ko kundi malamang sabon ako dun.

Aug 19: Da day uriko left. ito na,sinabi nya sa akin na nagbalikan sila ng x nya. Ok so di ako ang pinili nya so di let go. Til now, kasi nagaway kami ni uriko after this incident, di na ako pinapansin ni uriko, I miss talking to him bout his past life, what not's and whatever's that would come into his life. Uriko, Im sorry too. Im really really sorry.

Yan ang naging highlight ng papatapos na Month ng August. Madami pa sigurong significant ang pedeng mangyari.

And there's more. nag sogo kame ni fafi francis for three hours. and three hours din kaming naglovemaking, at di ako nakapasok sa work dahil dun. hinanghina ako at nanlalambot ang tuhod. At least magandang exercise yun. kaw ba naman ang top eh!

Basta I love Francis



Uriko-chan

2008-08-17T20:05:13.607-07:00

Uriko chanNagkakilala tayo sa txt nung aug 6th, nagkapalagayan ng loob at nagkaalamn ng kanya kanyang story kung bakit tayo nandito sa clan. Ikaw yung taong unang tinetxt ko bago matulog at pagkatapos magwork. Ikaw din yung taong mablis magreply. At nagustuhan ko iyon. Sabi mo pate, na 35 years old ka na at nagwowork sa cvg ortigas for citigroup(ata hehe), comportable kang kausapin ako kasi siguro dahil alam mong harmless ako(isa pang hehe). At ng tinopak ako minsan, biniro pa gna kita na siguro tawag ng mga jowa mo sayo ay "papa" nagalit ka nun.. pero sabi mo nagtampo lang kas naglalambing ka at ako naman, binara pa kita. Nagsorry ako dun, ayaw ko kasing makagalit ng tao. So ok na tayo dun. Napakavague na ng idea ko kung bakit tayo nagkaron ng interes sa isa't isa. Pero wait, hmmmm. Ahh, alam ko na. nagtext ka sa akin tungkol sa pagiging lonely mo at pagiging down mo kasi pala may sakit ka sa puso at sa bato. Tinanong kita kung ano ang nakikita mo sa sarili mo 30 from now, at ang sabi mo "patay na." Nalungkot ako sa ideya na mamamtay ka na, kasi im trying to know you more. "To know you more" parati ko atang nababanggit kasi di naman pedeng "I love you forevermore" na ang drama ko. May isang insidente na nakapagtext ka sa aking ng mga messages na parang di ikaw ang gumawa, kinabahan ako kasi akala ko nagtitrip ka lang eh. Sabi mo pa nga "can you not love me?" At as usual ang response ko ay "trying to know you more" para di halatang gustong gusto na kita nuon. Ang saya ng pakiramdam na a person is looking forward to your attention, pero nabadtrip ako nung sinabihan ako ng friend ko na nagtitrip ka lang kasi parang walang consistensy ang mga "sweet" texts mo, pinaniwalaan ko si friend since may experience na sya sa mga ganito. Since wala pa akong experience sa mga panloloko,ibinigay ko ang phone ko kay patrick at sya ang nagtext na "I dn't play mind games, go away." Eh ayaw pa kitang pakawalan nun kahet parang nanggagago ka na sa mga txt. Pero para naman kasing totoo ang mga sinasbi mo eh, na there is a chance for me to love you. Kaya lang, di muna kita nireplayan ng ilang messages para di naman lumaki ang ego mo, sabi ko. Pero after a day, pinagtapat mo na wala kang naalala sa mga text mo since nagiging emotional monster ka kapag nakakaamoy ng alak, Dapat sinabi ko na mahal na mahal na kita kahit di pa kita nakikita eh no, di mo naman kasi maaalala eh! hehe. Sinabi mo na nakipagmeet ka kay...shet nakalimutan ko na name nya. Pero yun na nga, ang hanap ng kamit mo ay seb. Tinanggihan mo sya at sabi mo di sa kanya na di ka ganung tao, naimpress ako ng todo, at nagshoot up ang mahal-ko-na-ang-taong-to meter! Ganun ang hanap ko, yung di nakikipag seb. At ikaw yung taong nagtanggol sa akin ng "sinisiraan tayo" ng kamit mo. Sabi mo nga kumukulo ang dugo mo kapag nagggm sya tungkol sa iyo at sa akin eh. Proud na proud ako sa isip ko dahil walang taong nagsabi sa akin nun, kahit kaibigan. Napakanewbie ko talaga dito pagdating sa love no, pero tribute ko to saiyo dahil isa kang totoong tao. Isang standout sa lahat ng mga globe numbers na nasa cp ko, at isang maginoong tao na handang ipagtanggol ang mga nangaapi sa mga "mahal nya"(shaider? kaw ba yan?!)Ito na...sumama na ang pakiraamdam mo at tinext mo ako. Syempre talagang nagalala ako kasi ayaw kong mapano ka, ikaw naman tong si Mr. Icantakecareofmyself, sabi mo ok kalang. Pero sa totoo, di ka ok, remember sumugod ka sa ospital magisa mga 10am dahil hinanghina ka na at masakit ang dibdib kakaubo. Gustong gusto talaga kitang samahan since parang wala namang mawawala kung i present myself to you eh, pero ang wala, pera(naka ng!!)At nagpakulo pa lalo ng dugo ko ay ung fact na sinumbatan ka pa ng ex mo sa kotse dahil di ka daw nagreklamo sa inefficiency ng ospital. At lalong napamura ako ng Tangina ng sinabi mo na bumaba ka sa kotse ng x mo, at nasa gitna ng mid[...]



A time has come today

2008-08-16T19:02:33.294-07:00

A time has come todayEwan ko,d i ko alam kung ano at sino ang pipiliin. At medyo mahirap ang sitwasyon. Dalawa silang dapat kong piliin. Actually, isa lang, si francis pa lang ang nakita ko sa personal nag"meetup" nga kame sa sm bacoor eh, at ligaw na naman ako dahil dalawa pala ang sm sa may cavite area. at isang sakay lang ang pagitan ng dalawang mall. Pero mas romantic na tao si uriko, nagtetext kame medyo madalas din, part din sya ng grupong sinalihan ko. Mas gusto ko si uriko dahil una, mature na sya pagdating sa relationship, at pangmatagalan, pero pangmatagalan naman din naman si francis eh, di nga lang sweet kapag sa text kaya parang "namanhiran" ako.Si uriko, minsan nagtetext ng mga bagay tungkol sa buhay nya, minsan nakakailang pero ako ang nagtanong eh, ayun, nasabi nya na ang una nyang First True Love ay isang brazilian deaf, nakilala nya ito nung sya'y 16 years old pa lang, naglast sila ng 4 years pero namatay yung brazilian nyang bf sa cancer sa age na 22. Napaiyak pa nga ako sa kinuwento nya eh, kasi yung singsing na binigay sa kanya ng x nyang yun ay nasa daliri nya pa rin hanggang ngayun, At last year lang nya isinabog ang ashes nito sa farm nila sa laguna. Hanggang ngayun napapaiyak pa din ako sa istorya nya. Naging suicidal daw sya after ng incident. Pero nung tatalon na daw sya sa mataas na lugar para magpakamatay, may bumalita sa kanya na buntis daw ang kanyang x gf. And nagsimula syang magbago from a warfreak to a "normal" soul nung dumating ang daughter nya. Hiwalay na sya sa asawa pero, friends naman sila. At ung anak at asawa nya ay nasa Canada. Uriko. March 27 ang birthday nya, nagwowork sa cvg ortigas at mahilig sa bloodyroar(uriko ang binigay na nickname ng brazilian bf nya sa kanya dahil sa larong Bloodyroar. Gusto ko ngang sabihin na "ay aries ka din, bagay pala tayo...ako march 21!!! He is a person that wants security, nangingilatis talaga sya ng personality, may tinext pa nga sya na i describe ko daw ang face ko intricately kasi dun daw malalaman kung gaano ka romantic ang isang tao, di ko naman nagawa.Although na describe ko naman yung detail, di sya pumasa sa standard ni "dadi"(ung ang tawag ko sa kanya sa isip ko pero di ko sinasabi kasi nagalit nung jinoke ko sya tungkol sa age nya eh). Dapat daw "intricately." Gusto ko ngang itext na "I have a good pair of eyes that pierces the soul of saddened individuals" pero baka kilabutan sya sa kakornihan ko, so di ko na ginawa. Sabi nya, that wag daw naming ipilit ang mga sitwasyon. Sinabihan ko na kasi sya ng feelings ko at di naman sya nag abstain sa offer ko pero dapat daw wag ipilit kasi di maganda. May point sya, kung ako ang mapipili nya eventually, ako ang mageemerge sa pack ng mga suitors nya, sabi pala nya di day ineentertain ang mga flirty come on's, mga sleazy invites, sa txt since di naman daw sya ganun. He is not into hookups. And may place na daw ako sa heart nya. So ok, "i was put on hold" sabi ko sa sarili ko. Pero, i need to understand that I cannot push someone to love me back. Naintindihan ko na yung part na yun. Sweet daw ako at caring. And he cares that much to me as well daw. Naalala ko pa nga nung sinabi ko na inaway ako ng isang member, tapos sabi nya na ulitin lang daw ang ginawa ni ******* sa akin at babalik ang pagkabasagulero nya. *Kilig*Minsan tinext nya ako "be kinakarir ako ni ***** o" shet naging weak ang knees ko dun. hehe. BE? parang Beybi, ganun ba? Sinupress ko na lang ang gigil ko kaya sinabi k na lang na "you know where I stand when it comes to flirting, I trust you on that." Napaka confident ng sagot kung yun, di nya alang alam an i have doubts on myself then If I want to continue knowing him or not. Sabi nya na we can meet new people so sabi nya na ok lang daw ang "meetup" namin ni francis na pinagtapat ko sa kanya, not unless daw di talaga meetup ang [...]



As tagged by...

2008-08-10T20:04:56.331-07:00

Instructions:What you are supposed to do...and please don't spoil the fun...Click copy/paste, type in your answers and tag four people in your lists! Don't forget to change the answers to the questions with that of your ownA) Four places I go over and over:wan: sm southmall. sobrang himay ko na ata ang mall na to at kapag kapag bored ako, storyland ang punta. syempre arcade. naging buhay ko ata ang arcade sa loob ng 2 taon oi! at kapag gustong maginternet, punta ako sa cw lifestyle cafe. at sa sobrang sanay na nga ako dito sa sm, pati mga dating location ng mga kiosks na nagsara na ay kabisado ko pa rin. atatwo: Alabang town center: kapag bored na sa sm sawth, instinctively, dito ang punta ko. ang daming "nameng" eye candies dito(LOL) sa starbucks lalo. ang diretso ng paa ko dun: powerbooks, national. arcade at cine. twee: greenbelt. ang ganda kasi ng place napaka cozy at ang ganda ng timezone nila dun. four: robinsons ermita. para sa aking monthly dose of gay indies at dito rin kasi kame nagkikita ni essie minsan eh.. (C) Four of my favorite places to eat:wan: tapsilogan, kahit saan kahit kelan, ito talaga ang favorite kong food.two: sbarro. minsan nawala yung chicken nila na na napakajuicy at napakasarap na pero binalik na nila. yay! parate kong inoorder yung chicken with pasta. ang dame din kasi ng servings eh kaya swabe. at ang gagwapo pa ng mga managers dito sa sm south branch. mas juicy kaya sila? hehetwee: razons. ito parate akong libre dito ni jerome pagdating sa halo halo nila. ang sarap talaga kasi, at yung shaved ice. sobrang smooth. parang slurpee. meron din silang tapsi eh. pero di ko pa natryfour: jollibee mcdo. kapag may cravings ako na fried chicken. dito ang punta ko. mas masarap ang chix ng jollibee, for me ah. at wag na wag kang kakain ng fried chicken sa Wendys, walang kalasa lasa chix nila at parang dobol ded pa ang lasa ng laman. ewww(E) Four people I think will respondwan: si essie lang ata eh, nahihiya naman akong magassume sa iba(F) Four TV shows I could watch over and over:wan:syempre greys anatomy....pick me love me choose me ang eksenang inulit ulit ko sa youtube. at isa pa yung ending ng 1st episode sa 3rd season ay panalo din: time waits for no man....at isa pa yung scene ni bailey with derek sa season 4...tsk. wala pa kasing dbd ng season four eh. At magaganda pa ang ibang quotes dito. pamatay talaga.two: alam kong anime at di tv show ang sailor moon pero yun ang gusto ko weh! umiyak pa nga ako ng namatay ang character ko na si jupiter sa first season nito nito. wala nga lang akong copya ng season's 2 onwards nito. sayang. kinikilabutan pa nga kame ng mga friends ko nung unang nagtransform ang mga outer senshi(sila neptune. uranus at pluto) kasi ang ganda ng violin medley ni vanessa mae. at yung mga kalaban per episode, yung iba tinatandaan talaga name: namely. yarmandaka, vibiero. kalaberayte, betsayte at ginagamit ko yun minsan as a password. twee: "darkness beyond darkness pitch..." syempre Slayers din! di ko sya nasubaybayan talaga ng husto pero gustong gusto ko ulet syang panuorin. la nga lang sa metropolis ng mga copies nito.four: Alias: 24 hours ko yang pinanuod ng dirediretso matapos lang ang seasons 1-4.Sydney Bristow..haay. ako pa naman si Ana espinoza ng K-directorate(lol) ang gaganda kasi ng story although fictional. ooops isa. pa. Anime din, Knight hunters ng Gma 7, ako naman dun yung whip-user sa grupong Schreint, hehe.at ginawa ko to tag na to gamit ang resource ng convergys. tigas ng ulo ko no?! hehe salamat kay odin at kay fionah sa pagtag. anyways, im busy with my life kasi. with new found friends. with a karir. basta ganun. basta wala pa akong maisip na iupdate since masaya naman ako. thanks guys for the tag. namiss nyo ko no?!?![...]



Fleeting Romance

2008-07-30T05:07:29.494-07:00

I have tried several attemtps to be seen by prospects, yet they have always failed to see me, the real me. I joined a group just to be a part of it. To extend my thin network of friends. First there was jl. Wow, a nursing student. we exchaged text messages. He mentioned that he is interested to know me more. The kind of line i've used in previous life forms. He says that im too weird and that he likes it. Maybe he has seen mental patiens which I am so attuned to. That part I really don't know. At first if it doesn't work, as I've said to myself. you pick up your ego then nurse it, then go to the next stage of courtship. Find another one. Then he became to happy, he invited me over to his place, which is for me a major turnoff since he just wants my body to be used and abused. No, we didn't do it. i said that I don't like the idea of sex just to "know me more." And then the deal or no deal scenario: anung fs mo? of course I have to give it, I've wasted my time to go "this far" so there. I am really interested to see him since he has a nurturing kind of soul. the kind of spirit which i can lay my broken heart to. The next day and the next following the first day. He didn't text, I knew what happened, he didn't like what he has seen. So there, I moved on to the next. I didn't try to win him back, that would be too "unpridely." May ego din ako kahit wala akong maxiadong confidence.Then came Harvie. He's a newbie on the group. we exchanged messages as usual to get to know each other. And this time he's not that "invite you over to my place" kind of guy, so i thave thoguht of him as a breath of fresh air. Ewww, I was wrong. I Told him that walter and I are friends, and that we have known each other since gradeschool, so he and i must have the same wavelenghts. Then came his text message: you know I like Jomo but he doesn't like me. I was stuck. I could've said, but im here, in "front of you m offering myself, can't you see me?' but no, I didn't do that. After that messaage he asked for the signature i-want-to-see-u-online agenda: may fs ka, paad naman. History repeats itself. He didn't text again afterwards.Oh I should have mentioned anton, small world with dakota package. Small workd becuse he is a close friend of an officemate which had invited me over to bed last night and dakota package because that is what my friend told me bout. I don't wnat to dwell on the small and dako words...this guys is so into me, i can feel it, i have given him all my furyoku since he's the third attemptee, I I don't want to lose this guy since he sounds sincere and nice. Ok maybe not. One time, he invited me over at starbucks southmall(yes there is now!!) for a coffee, I received his message, while im stomping the keyboard with hard presses and thick expletives since I can't beat the mini boss while im playing Granado espada. i don't want to go at first since it's raining triceretops and rhinoceros outside and besides, I smell funky, i can't smell the Lacoste Red perfume anymore..And I have a face with oil as thick as a lechon. No I won't just sell myself showing up like a piece of trash na nilampaso sa malansang dining table. He is insistent, whooo, i like people who longs for me I thought. So i told him what I was doing, as to why I can't show up. then he texted: add m ako fs mo(email address here), i have thought ok, nothing to lose since i feel good beating the mini boss. I added him, the next day, he was one of the "friends" list, and he has disappearedMoving forward, there came Iliac, he's an sop kind of guy, which bores me to death. I never liked. the oohs and aahs over a wire. It doesn't work for me no matter how horny I am, sop for me doesn't sell. he is a student, nursing i believe. I received a message just after my unlitxt has ex[...]



Choice extra

2008-07-14T07:37:58.588-07:00

Text ng friend ko ulet while papauwe galing "werk."

Patrick: Vakla, ano balita? May nkita k ng s boy internet? C walter may mga bagong fling going serious sana cla*smiley* nkktamad gumalaw at umuulan pa.*smiley, yung u na may tuldok sa taas ng letra*

Pedeng kong sagutin na indenial mode:

Ok lang naman di ko naman sya iniisip, so far so good kasi ang trabaho. sobrang haggard. minsang nga at di na ako nakakapagonline. di naman ako pala online na tao eh, puro lang naman fling ang mga taong nandun. at di ayaw kong magabala sa mga ganun no, mauubusan lang kaya ako ng load sa smartbro ko no! prepaid pa naman yun. eh di good naman pala kung may fling sya.
darating na lang yan! sabi nga ni Jerome, kakatok na lang daw ang pagibig sa pinto! Ang saya kaya ng freedom ng singlehood!

O kaya pede ding inggit with matching insecure na reply islash bitter:

Hay naku, puro ganun lang naman parati ang pinatutunguhan ng magdalenang yan, tapos after ilang buwan magsasawa na ulet. Ang panget kya ng ganun! Nasan na ba ang yung pride at breeding nya pagdating sa relationship? ang dami daming naghahanap tapos binababoy mo lang ang lahat ng karelasyon mo. Baka naman kasi di ka pa ready. Hintay ka muna kasi and take your time. Ang dami mo pang pedeng unahin kesa jan, concentrate ka muna sa job no!

Isa ding panabla yung nonchalant:

eh di buti naman pala sa kanya. haay tulog na muna ako may pasok pa bukas *yawns*.

O kaya yung "accepting a 'challege' with optimism" na reply:

Buti naman sa kanya at may boyfriend na sya, Ipakilala mo naman ako sa boyfriend mo kasi diba part naman talaga yung ng isang healthy relationship, ay naku ako nga, super hanap pa din pero wala pang napapala. Oi, meron akong crush na bago sa cvg, boring ano? puro na lang akong crush? yun lang ata yung mararateng kong status "in crush" imbes na "in love." One of these days makakahanap din ako ng bf. Sinasanay ko lang lalo yung frienshiping skills ko. Minsan punta tayo ng bar para bonding naman! I won't take no for an answer ah! as usual, kayo ni Jerome ang magsubsidize ng bill ko. Hehe

Lahat ng yan ay pede kong sabihin pero mas pinili ko ang maging powerful over powerless: Come and get me voyz! Ang dami ko ng score sa southmall pa lang eh.Another love ekek post.wahaha! kulet eh no!



Fud ulet

2008-07-10T03:10:26.174-07:00

Ito ang mga favorites kong fuud. Pasensya na kung highbloody ang mga selection ko. Wala kayung magagawa kasi akin lang to!! whahaah

isaw barbecue. naiintoxicate ako sa amoy nito! althought walang nutrients masyado, sarap naman! Lalot kung isawsaw mo pa sa maanghang na sili na may suka at kaunting tubig. Shet! nagwawater na ako sa idea pa lang. Isa pa yung deep fried na mga laman loob, sarap din nun. Everyone who eats chicharon should try at "indulge" on some super fattening food sometimes. Minsan sarap nito kapag may kasamang beer(wala lang nagfeefeeling cool lang ako at umiinon kunwari). Mas prefer kong higupin ang maanghang na siling suka kesa sa mga mapapait na beer. Gusto ko yung tustado para isang kagat pa lang eh magmemelt na yung laman sa gums mo, tapos saturated na sya sa suka para magblend in ang flavor Meron ding variety sa kanto yung piniritong isaw-on-stick suki na nga ako sa kanto namen eh. Tres ang isa, minsan nakakasampu ako. hehe. So talagang tataba ako no! Goodbye muna jollibee at mcdo pang mall lang kayo eh, kapag nasa labas na ako ng southmall at marami pang natirang barya, isawan galore ito.

Ilang metro lang ang layo sa isawan, meron naman gotohan(kapag naiisip ko ang gotohan, parating pumapasok sa isip ko si Zai, may pic kasi sya dati na pinaghalong tokwa at gotohan with matching suka-toyo combination pa ata na halos umula na gilid ng bowl sa sobrang kapunuan, napaka "outstanding" kasi nun kaya swak sa memorya ko). Disi otso ang goto nila pero dinadayo talaga ng mga southmallers, kumakain ako dun pagkatapos kumain ng ibang putahe(sige na matakaw na!) parang kape ko yun eh, pang huleng pinapasok sa tyan para "bumaba"ang kinain. At parating associated ang gotohan na yun sa pagrereminisce sa mga nangyare sa buhay ko nung araw na yun. Lagyan lang ng chili powder at suka-toyo-patis with dalawang calamansi ay solb na ako. Mahilig talaga ako sa maasim. Pati kilikili ko minsan gusto kong tikman, pero wag ka, Dr Kauffman soap(with sulfur and Dimethyl Phenyl 2-Butanol!!! kung anu man yung second ingredient,di ko alam) ata ang gamit ko, pati singit ko amoy sabon considering galing work na ko nun ah! hehe, Ang layo pagkain ang pinaguusapan ko tapos sumingit si singit! wahahaha

shet, 3 servings lang ng tapsilog ang kailanga ko ngayun para idigest ang nalaman ko.



Anniversary!

2008-07-08T22:19:35.140-07:00

Wow isang taon na ako ngayun sa blogspot at ito na rin ako. Nakasurvive sa naging agong ng panahon. gustong guston kong gamiting ang terminong "agos ng panahon" napaka mystical kasi ng dating nya. parang pati mga punong pinagukitang ko ng flames hope ko ay naalala ang nakaraan ko. parang pedeng irewind ng hangin ang mga naging pangarap ko. isang tingin ko naman sa langit at nandun ang mga bagay na sinubukan kong abutin pero di talaga kaya eh, anu sa patuloy ng pagagos ng tubig kung saan nakikita ko ang bakas ng naging ako. isang repelksyon kung ano ang patutunguhan ko-malinaw.

Di pa ako sumusuko. at buti na lang at nagblog ako. kung di siguro ako nagsimulang magblog. di pa tata na exhaust ang lahat ng mga nararamdaman ko. Salaman ng malaki kay Bwisitdiaries.blogspot.com dahil sya ang nagtintroduce ng blogging sa akin. Malamang di nya alam yun pero kung mapadaan man sya dito. alam nyan may naging contritution sya sa mga naging achievements ko pagdating sa sarili kong gera. Ito ang taon na tumatak sa akin. maramin akong nagawa na pumalpak, pero ito pa rin nakatayo at nakangisi dahil pede ko pang ulitin ang mga yun LAHAT ng yun. Dahil sa blogging, nakilala ko ang mga taong nasa labas ng shell ko. Sila ang nagsilbing parte ng buhay ko. parate kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na ililink ko lang ang isang tao sa blog kung nakikita ko ang sarili ko sa kanya. Unang binanggit ko yun kay dave. panu, immature, sobrang emo pa, dramatista, emotera at once anging insecure din. at palahabol sa mga naging crushness nya. ilang linggo kung magemote nung di nagwork yung first nya! Ganun din naman ako eh, samtayms di ko kinokontrol ang emotion ko, kaya ayun nagfloflood sa Dam ng reasoning ko. Tapos kala mo dati isang kang malaking failure, isang patapon na buhay, ngayun, DUH, sino ba ang nagparamdam sa akin nun at idedeepsubmerge ko nga, nyek,hehe, ako lang pala ang may kasalanan sa lahat.

Tingnan mo, sabi ko sa inyo at pagpasensyahan nyo na ang pagkaemotera ko eh, kasi magsasawa din naman ako eh. Kung makita nyo lang sana ang dating Nathan, One year ago. ibang iba na,.dalagang dalaga na ako ngayun! Ito na ako, mas focused, mas pinahahalagan ang mga kaibigan, mas may sense ang direction ng buhay. Look at me I've changed! Di na mahiyain, insecure, Di na takot itry ang mga bagay na di pa nasusubukan,

Ito na ako ngayun, sobrang nagbago for the best!

*tapos sasabihin-neptune planet power make up!!* ^_^



my personalitty according to Tarot

2008-07-04T19:30:30.585-07:00

(image)


You are The Lovers


Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.


The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.


Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.


What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.





may gash. yun lang ang masasabi ko



Pupunuin ko ng pagibig ang post na ito!

2008-07-04T17:31:37.634-07:00

Nathan, wala munang topics sa blogspot tungkol sa mga pagibig mo, "sa ano"(alam ni fiona to). Sa insecurities mo. Sawang sawa ka na siguro dahil wala pang nangyayare sa mga attempts mo, kung tutuusin, di ka pa naman talaga nagaatempt, So anung isusulat mo?Ewan!Tungkol ba sa walang kamatayan nyong lakad ni Jerome sa Southmall at atc? Sa gusto mong maging crush sa cvg para pampalipas oras, Sa mga balak mong gawin: muay thai, kickboxing. sailormoon-martial arts(LOL!). Bili ka kaya ng psp para maexecute mo with perfection ang 10-hit combo ni Ana o kay ni Lili sa Tekken, tingin ko wag ka na munang bibili ng marameng bagay ngayun, lalo't bagong salta ka ulet sa Alabang. At talagang mawawala na ata ang Spr** na account since sabi ni Jerome ay 400 ang matatransfer sa dtv galing sprint(ay buko!) So tayo na ata yung magoocupy ng buong second floor. Wawa naman ang mga patron ng account na yun, muka pa namang masaya sila.So anu na ulet ang gusto mong isulat? Sino ba ang crush mo sa cvg. Ewan, pinipilit ko lang syang maging crush para may rush habang nakikita ko sya. Pampagana na din pumasok, ok ang pagkachubby nya, at Richard ang pangalan nya, nakatira sa southville, sa may Toyota! Walking distance para i stalk sa Pilar(hehe) pero ang layo pa din nun ah. Ito na lang, since nakikinig ako ng Runaway ng Corrs, buhay pagibig na lang. Wait! palitan ko ang song...hmmmmm. Ok ito: All you wanted ni MIchelle Branch. Yan ang pinakikinggan ko kapag naiingit ako sa taong gusto kong maging katulad. In short kapag naiingit ako at short ang pondo ng self-esteem, Sabi kasi ni Michelle Branch sa Making the Video ay ang kantang ito ay, englishin ko na lang: All you wanted is for people whom you think are so happy on the outside...yet you don't know what is happening inside of them, behind the curtains, all they wanted was for someone who could understand...infairness parang ganyan ang pagkakasabi nya so wag mo akong i quote para di sabit. Routine naman ang buhay ko eh so parang walang major update. Shet, tumutogtog ang Sa Langit ng Moonstar88..pagibig kong itong laging bitin, panay sulyap puro tingin di na talaga papansin. Teka lang, may taong idenedicate ko tong kantang to eh. hmmm, maalala nga. Di naman pede si leonardo kasi di naman lumabas tong kantang to nung high school. Anu ba 'yan, di ko ka tuloy maalaala, sa dinami dami ba naman ng mga naging infatuation ko nung bata bata pa ko eh, maaalala ko pa kaya lahat. Ah ito, "interesting:" nawalan na ako ng gana sa Porn. Naumay ako, naging paulet ulet na lang kasi eh, at isa pa lalo lang nagbubuild up yung longing for someone na pangarap ko na matagal pa bago matupad. Mahinain ang loob ko. Kaunting emotional attack lang eh, nagtatampo na ako. di naman ata mahinain ng loob yun eh no, parang matampuhin...I-term na lang naten na ganun para di negative. Grabe ang layo ng naging succeding sentece ko sa sana ay porn-related na paragraph, soooo far-fetched. Pero ibig sabihin lang nun, walang malaking impact sa buhay ko ang porn, isang libag lang sya kumbaga, isang kuskos lang ng hilod tanggal na.Isa pa tong news sa Gma tungkol kay pacquiao, syempre sasambahin na naman ng mga tao ang "pambansang kamao" hehe buti na lang ang Directv sa cvg pinalabas sya ng live at walang commercial break, Naku di ako patron ni "saint pakyaw" ah. Yes magaling sya at isang "karangalan" talaga ang maging isang boksingero tulad nya, pero parang naging over commercialized na sya, ginagawa pa tuloy na spoof si pakyaw(mas madaling itayp sa keyboard ang "pakyaw" sa "pacquiao" kaya ganyan) sa pagsasalita nya. Speaking of boxing, may napanuod ata ako sa ch2(ch 7 ata eh) tungkol sa mga batang boksin[...]



Katangahan galore

2008-06-29T22:16:16.750-07:00

This story of mine started out four years ago, everytime I go malling, a bookstore is a place wherein I usually visit. I get through skim thru glossy magazines to indimidate myself if I can be the person in the picture in the not so near future. I tend to challenge my ego...sometimes I dream of having a gala affair with the Prietos. Tessa, should be there, i thought, for I will sport how creative i am too. Feathers and balloon fusion "terno" would make her gaga over my creation. When reality sinks in and I am as jologs as the term JOLOGS, I would put the magazine down--my dreaming haze has reached it's finality. I wake up from daydreaming then left the magazine station. On the corner of my eye while checking out the fashion books I would love to spend my Jollibee money on, something caught my attention. It was book, a book with two faces split diagonally the combined as one, Face Forward was it's title. Kevyn Aucoin, the late, great make up artist of the stars, was it's author. I picked the hardbound copy of it, it feels so heavy, then upon opening, I found him!His name was Alex Peruzzi, you can see him on page 143 on face Forward. A former lover of Kevyn, now a "confidant and one of my best friends" says the author. This manhattanite was transformed by his ex from a georgous guy to a quintessential supermodel, which I so admire--Linda Evangelista-through make-up. Wait, I became "depressed" because "i fell in love with him so much." Don't fret yet, that was eight years ago!There are times I would constantly think of him as my "soulmate" for whatever reason--love(very cheesy), creating love stories beetween me and him was my way of wasting time."ilove you baby! Iove you tooo, tsup tssssup--that type(goosebumps!)My friends tell me it's pathetic. It's true, but for me daydreaming bout alex was my lifeblood. It's the only time I can share my emotions to the universe(hello!anybody there?!) It's futile, useless. melodratically stupid but nonetheless a worthwhile, beautiful was to wast time. And lately I've been thinking about my present sanity. Imagine: me going loco for someone who haven't seen me yet(probably never) Someone from New York(the farthest place I've been to on a "gala" was in Tagaytay) and someone who doesn't know I exist a trace. Hopeless romantic or fool, am I? nah! maybe both!Everytime the sone "betty davis eyes" play on the radio, my mind conjures up images that speaks fo WInter. Winter in new york. And of course Alex holding hands withhis "proper" soumate, notme. What can i do to tell him i like him very much?! AHA! The Internet. After googling him for several hours, I can't find him, not a trace whatsoever! I thought, I don't have a hope, do I?Jealousness washed over me, What if h'es married to another guy, having the time of their lives and settling down with kids as a family? I could answer that question. I can only give a Maybe.Hope is still there--you can never lose it. It will never lose it'seternal shine. But as for me, it might be a good idea to fly to newyork, not for greener pastures, but to Find Alex. It would take years before I can accomplish that, and by then, he would have been too old for my liking.Well, right now, it might just be a dream and a nightmare altogether*gosh, i have written this piece 8 years ago. I was 16 years old back then. Grabe, ang tagal na no? May ibang part na kinilabutan ako sa kakornihan eh At isinulat ko pa yan sa notebook ko at sa likod ng mga isinulat ko may mga nakalistang ng mga bagay na gusto kong gawin bago ako magsettle down, ala bucket list hehe at sa notebook ding yun, ay nakasulat ang lahat ng[...]



Updates lang.

2008-06-19T16:48:37.778-07:00

I have promised myself that I won't be eating too much of unhealthy stuff since I don't want to turn into a putik- looking balyena. Guess what?! Two cups of instant noodles, three bars of ChocoMucho, tons of sugar from my coffee and no exercise(or sex!).



I really need to pour my heart and soul into this agenda otherwise I'll soon eat up my own words(sounds yummy!)
The good news is that I have purchased a tea from Cw lifestyle cafe which makes me feel im always on the top of my game. Work doesn't weigh me down as much as it does since I began sipping "green tea matcha powder."



I'm at work; it's 1:56am. My shift will end at 5am. I am not tired, yet I feel so full.



But I ate three apples before I came here(na sa sobrang kapataygutoman, di na hinugasan--pinunasan na lang ng paper towel. hehe). Panu naman kasi, I need to lose my belly fat cos it poses a threat to my overall health(im more concerned on reversing hypertension and preventing diabetis is on my list too)

.

Oh before I lose this good-feeling: walter and I are friends again after two years of not talking, it inspired me to be fitter since he looks sexy. Besides I have given my friend enough time to reconsider my position sa barkada(two years!!)


He said that I've missed the '06 rollercoaster ride part of his life. If I compare my "ride" in '06 with his, mine would be neglible. Here is his txt: "06 was my year. I had My 1st real bf dat lasted almost 2 years. I strtd going to the gym. And to sum places. Masaya ang '06 ko ati".

I still have six months to prove to myself that things happen if you act upon your desires. It would be perfect to look back on the things I will soon accomplish on this blog.


Watch out.



Goodbye fats!

2008-06-15T08:31:01.620-07:00

No more diet

Time for a lifestyle change. I have become fat the past few months and it weighs down my confidence since I can no longer wear tight-fitted shirt which makes me feel and look "cool."
First, it's not going to be a fad that will soon fade in time, this will be a lifetime pledge to become healthy. Health is wealth as they say, I should take care of it since Im on the pinnacle of good health, besides, I have to do something to counter hypertension or the pending "jabetis, which is both we have a history of.

The changes that I will be doing are as follows:

Limit my intake of fatty and fried foods to at least once a month. So it means, goodbye Jollibee or Mcdo or the kwek kwek across the street or the isawan infront of Southmall everytime I go out to "make gala."

Everytime I feel the hunger, I would drink at least two bottles of water first or eat a fruit to at least appease my growling stomach. I would only eat a "proper meal" if it is really called for, like a missed lunch or breakfast.

I would say goodbye to sugar-laden "snacks"; donuts, candies, and pies will surely be missed
I have said this before and I will say it again: I'll chew my food well.


Small efforts would reap big benefits in the future. I'll start tomorow. Promise



No Pain, No gain

2008-06-12T02:57:29.850-07:00

Ma L na nathan: You have phailed!

Nagiisip na nathan:Im not expecting success at first try, but I have thought of myself that I can take it all in without the pain. Gawd, I exagerrated!

Ma L na nathan: You don't have to blame yourself, it happens to all of us, most especially at first try! Pride engulfed your sensibilities, and besides, you are sooo scared to do it. I have heard your heart "thump thump" all the way here.

Nagiisip na nathan: Behind closed doors, I was a bit relaxed. Every major muscle on my body responded and soothed itself.

Ma L na nathan: But I can still hear that "tugudug tugudug" of your heart form here. still. relax, you can do, you always have. What are you afraid of anyways?

Nagiisip na nathan: The physical pain, remember? This thing I am doing now will forever be associated with some pain and discomfort! This time it's different!! It was a small thing before, not less than half of my brain cell capacity but nonetheless, I considered it "sisiw"! The entire procedure was seamless. Na carrie ko naman ah!

Ma L na nathan: So what are you waiting for then?!

Nagiisip na nathan: Guess I need more time. And promise me you'll give me credit once I'm done. This is something which I have not tried before...Wait a minute, I have done it all before! Remember the incident when my parents left for bicol aeons ago? It was then when I have tried "something" after watching japanese porn to "soothe" myself and with just ky and water as a lube, it went all the way in almost instantly(without it being left there, of course).

Ma L na nathan: Yeah yeah! But for this time, I have been hearing nothing but "umps," "argh," and "oh shit" from you. What is wrong with you pervert?!

Nagiisip na nathan: I don't want to try it again. And you can call me a failure, only for this day! I didn't expect this thing to be hard no matter how "sensual" the vibration sounds. I have paid for it and I will conquer this thing soon enough. Mr Vibrating dildo from Pride Exchange, I have a message for you:

YOU ARE SUCH A PAIN!


PS: actually meron din akong pocket puke pero medyo may part na umiiinit sa mushroom ko kapag ginagamit ko sya. at di maxiadong pleasurable tulad ng fleshlight(wala pa ako nun pero minsan oorder ako online, mahal kasi maxiado!!)Haaay, ito ang mga pinaggagawa ko sa katuyotan! It has almost 7 years since my last experience!! Shet!!



Where do we go from here?

2008-06-10T02:15:53.291-07:00

I would love to go back to school once again and take up...erm...this part I do not know.

I have a passion for anime stuffs, music and anime desu(whatever that means), well anything related to the industry I think I am capable of doing my best in. How about my passion for designing, well first, I dopn't have a fashion sense, I don't have an eye for flair and beauty, besides I was never really into fashion, it could have been a hobby at first but when I come to really sit down and think of it, my heart doesn't sing the idea of a fashio guru.. Im a simple minded guy without a fashion sense who wants to have a stable career? This is the part which I so hate the most--the start.

Where do I begin? Hmmmm, as i have mentioned I liike anime stuff. So why not take up animation instead? But is it really a requirement in our country to have an least four year diplomo course to build an outstanding career? Well, I have to think of out-of-the-box on this one. If you ask me what I really like. There are only three possible options, one of which is the obvious, animation, the other one would be pornography, and the third, daydreaming. Realistically, these are my "passion." Of course, I can't be a pornographer since my family, who is very religious and idealistic, would disown me and besides, there isn't any porn company here in the Philippines, is there? And the fact that daydreaming would'nt(or wouldn't, anu ba tama?!) do me good in real life is out of the league.

Anime then, I have to prove to myself that a four year course won't bring you happiness and stability. It's really up to me on how I mold my life the way I want it to be.

Im not a "people person." A home study course would do me good since my mind is at it's peak when it's alone. But a university would expose me to a "stable boyfriendship!"(hehe) Argh, this post is career-oriented, so focus yourself on finding a rewarding career!!

After LOL'ing to the thought of going to a university to find a boyfriend, my mind is straight again.

So there, home study is my primary concern(yeah right!) and then anime. I have laid my path for me to walk on slowly, then find a boyfriend(guess I can't keep this off my mind).



Profile check

2008-06-08T08:50:18.760-07:00

by now, i know what i really want.

ive met several people whom i easily got along with. i mean we really had good times and good lovin. but sometimes, along the way, you discover that you want different things in life, and those defeat the purpose of you being together. and, at some point in your relationship, even compromising is never an option.

i am 23 and living alone for 12 years. i should say ive gone through 'life' and now im hitting the plateau of my existence. perhaps, with my struggle, ive obtained almost what ive wanted, and in all the relationships that ive gone through, i really thought that it was my last. i also realized, that love is not a 'stand alone' feature. yes, it is easy to give love, make love, and be loved, but it is really difficult to have a 'relationship'. relationships involve not only love, but loyalty, trustworthiness, passion, and by always being there.

so, here i am, wishful looking, for a person who would stay with me, and be with me always. someone who i look forward of going home to everynight after work, whom i can give lots of good night kiss, and someone who really deserve my love.

i always thought of us, walking our dogs in the park while eating ice cream, sitting in the shore watching the stars and planning the years of our lives. it is really nice to have someone who gets angry if you dont text, or someone who is looking for you if youre not yet home.

i know you are just right there, maybe you are waiting for me too. dont you ever get tired of waiting? let's do this now, and be happy.

and lets get married.


--whenitrains, a g4m guy.

I found his profile on g4m last night and I have mentioned that I found his "about me" appealing and true. I just felt that I have said the same statement years ago. Not exactly like his, but the sentiments are the same. It's just feels that the message on his profile is something that I would like to accomplish soon.

Of course I have asked for a permission first before posting this thing on here.
There are still good guys on g4m, it's just a matter of digging them up. hehe



Look at you

2008-06-05T23:42:33.038-07:00

When I say what's on my mind about what I do, I do not need your harsh judgement. Not because I have said that I think I can deepthroat better because of constant use of a tongue scraper, it doesn't necessarily have to be said to the general public. You see, I am your friend. And you have to be thankful for that. I am trying to understand you for the mutual benefit. Please, do not look at me like a whore.

I am sexual person, just like you. I like pornography as much as you do. And remember, I borrowed money from you just to buy a prostate massager from a sex store in malate(not the Top and Bottom, the other one). I think you just don't want to admit that your as perverted as I am. We all are, but Im guilt-free to admit that I am.

But I completely understand where you are coming from, after all,we have the same feather.



I can't help this good feeling. tada!!

2008-06-05T03:57:09.742-07:00

Stuck in a moment.

Di mo ako mapapaupo sa starbucks na mag-isa lang na tipong may iniiintay. Di ako pala tingin sa tao. Kaya di ko mabasa ang mga mata nila. Defensive mode lang naman ata ang kamanhiran ko eh. Ayaw ko lang naman kasing mahalata. Pero kapag ako na ang nagiinitiate ng conversation, kaya ko naman palang magpatuloy tuloy ng walang dull moment(or so I thought) Ang saya magrisk minsan, you will discover things which you think you are not capable of doing. Instead you have surpassed your own limits.

See, things are starting change for the better good. For my own good

Talking to strangers is an awkward feeling, ayaw ko pa naman ng awkwardness, pero isa syang force na di maiiwasan kapag meet-ups ang pinaguusapan. Rejection din, di mo maaalis sa paghahanap ng relationship. I am trying to change my old mataray personality and dress up a new one-friendly. Tutal, life has 525,600 minutes. So ang daming opportunity ang di dapat palagpasin. Isa na dun ang meeting new friends. I usually meet up with a stranger wherein I won't have to invent a canned statement(which I have done in the past which results in failure). Overall my so-called "journey" is starting to reap it's benefits. Being comfortable in your own skin has it's perks din no! You don't have to act or think your someone else because you fell that yourself would suffice. It doesn't matter anyways.

Next time, I'll go to a bar alone. That is one of my fears which I have to conquer too.

(Bayaan mo ang ang taglish post ko. Feeling sosy lang!)