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Updated: 2016-03-02T23:59:19.896+08:00

 



Lookin In

2007-12-24T11:33:21.656+08:00

LOOK AT ME


I am the aborted child; silenced before I found a voice
I am the pregnant teenager; who had no other choice
I am the high-schooler; gunned down before my prime
I am the homeless man; asking you to spare a dime
I am the fat kid in class; who never makes the team
I am a nation of outsiders; seeking one Philippine Dream

I am the poor girl in school; the one you love to tease
I am the old man in a home; forgotten, crippled by disease
I am the gay man; beaten; left to die on the street
I am the single parent; working 2 jobs to make ends meet
I am the hardworking man; just a little down on his luck
I’m the one you overlook; the one who won’t make the cut

I am the old woman; with cut benefits from Medicare
I am the suicidal teen; whose life was just too much to bear
I am the misguided youth; condemned to a life in a jail cell
I am the little six-year-old; praying to get out of this Hell
I am the heart of this country; the mix of Philippine’s melting pot
I am the starving kid on TV; that makes you realize just how much you’ve got

I am the mother who can’t feed her child when she cries
I am the promdi man you cannot look in the eyes
I am only what you want to see; for you never take a second glance
I could be so much more than that, but you’ll never give me the chance
All you see is the outside; you’ve decided what it is I should be
You judge this book by its cover; and never truly see me

Lezbo, Faggot, Pansy, Dyke;
All them people's just alike
Dego, Spic, Nigger, Chink;
They roll so quickly; no need to think
Geezer, Deadbeat, Lazy, Weak
Why can’t foreigners learn to speak
Degenerate, White-Trash, Wino, Whore
Spending welfare checks at the liquor store
Hate them, hate them, hate them ALL
They’re the cause of Philippine’s Fall

We cannot change the world today, the pain the hate the sorrow
The task is set upon us all to build today’s tomorrow
Will we finally end this fight, or will simply dance the dance
Will we offer an equal share, or deny our brothers their chance
Will we create a brave new world, or make the same mistakes
From here on in, it’ll be our fault for the form the future takes
No one else can carry us now, brothers, sisters, take my hand
We are the people we’ve been waiting for; Now’s our time to stand.


_______________

"People Works Overtime to Destroy this World. And I have realized how foolish to take an day off from doing my part."

I'm back.

I miss you all.

Merry Christmas Guys!



Drowned

2007-11-20T14:42:35.638+08:00

(image)
I close my eyes,
take a deep breath.
Then just dive in.

The water is warm,
but my blood runs cold.

Thought of you fill my head with so much shame.
The water is shallow but i almost drown,
im scammbling for air.

I take a look around,
everything is blurry.
My heart bounds and my head aches.

why did you leave me like this?

Pain fills my soul.
I take one last breath and let myself drown.

Down at the bottom I feel no more pain.
Down at the bottom my thoughts all die, my mind is still.

No more missing you,
no more tears will fill these eyes.

This is my hell,
you are my temptation.
I slowly die.


Close the door and never let it open,
for i will no longer be on the other side.

My heart is forever dead.
My love is forever gone.

Silence fills the room,
and the darkness clouds my mind.
I fall into my hell.
No ones there to catch me.
Goodbye to those who loved me,
i am no longer me.

i lost myself in that pool.
as i drowned. im never going back.
A broken heart and a shattered soul.

kisses ill miss,
hugs ill never forget.
i loved you dear.

the darkness is over powering,
i turn that way, for there is no more light.

i wish you would hold me and never let go.
so i say again goodbye.
i loved you dear.
my the pain was to much.
take my hand and let me live.
or let go and let me drowned.



Free Me

2007-11-09T16:13:22.321+08:00

(image)
Lift me up and let me soar
On these wings of broken promises
let me leave your hollow soul behind
and let you rot for all eternity
lift me up and let me fly
on my wings of your broken promises
i was fragile and now im broken
yet you've cared nonetheless
now i must leave you and your carelessness
for my tears have fallen for far too long
so lift me up and let me soar
my life i have taken back
from these broken promies and little lies
they all hurt just the same
so lift me up and let me soar
i want to fly and be no longer tame
i want to fly on the wings you gave me
wings made of madness and sadness and everything you've done
so hear this now before we part, our paths lead different ways
so now ive gone on my wings of hate and know this simple rhyme
"For everything you've done, I've left and now I've won!"
I hope this rings in your head, so your always remember
this man you hurt has hurt you back and burned you to the kinder!



Silenced

2007-10-31T09:06:41.555+08:00

(image)
I am silent for the voices
of souls who cannot speak
for the perfect virgin blood
that with shame drained down the sink

I am silent for the bruises
of the countless innocent
those whose difference claimed them broken
whose dignity has all been spent

I am silent for the lovers
of every heart-claimed path
who can't see past the steel bars
when they fell victim to prejudice's wrath

I am silent for the forgers
of this golden history
who have given us a gift
of nearly being free

I am silent for the broken
those whose hearts beat another way
who need strength to stand and fight
when others insist they sway

I am silent for the union
for the real definition of the word
for marriage is for every victim
upon whom cupid's grip unfurled

So be silent for all the soldiers
and rejoice in what they've done
We stand together in perfect silence
for we have voices where some have none

___________
Happy Holloween Guys! It will be a long weekend for me - I deserve this rest, So I am leaving you a troika to read... Enjoy! Stay Blessed, Beautiful and Free!



Down

2007-10-24T09:06:04.448+08:00

(image)
The sunset began to creep up over the horizon as the thunderstorm slowly tapered off and we were still sitting on the porch swing staring at the water puddles and the occasional car splashing by. The sunlight had a peculiar way of silencing the words that flowed so consistently from our lips. Yet I didn’t feel satisfied in your inability to truly open up.

And I find myself once again frustrated in another dead end that my incessant search for beauty always seems to take me. And I almost find it funny that my life revolves around seeking out beauty in every form, and yet beauty is something I will never hold in my hands, and will never be born from my hands.

And I find myself crashing down again as I’ve done so many times before, wishing for another time and place, wishing that I could again see your face. Wishing that there was more to life then dreaming and wishing.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The fleeting taste of something I’ll never know.



The Rut

2007-09-20T11:04:26.529+08:00

(image) I'm back to where I started again. I wonder if this cycle will ever end. No matter how much I change everything seems to stay the same. I suppose that can be a good thing, but I'm just tired of living the same day over and over again. No day has any significant value, no wonderful memory that I'm going to reflect on five years from now; I don't even have anything to write about anymore, I've already written about every aspect of this infinitely repetitive day and all 3 emotions that I feel during it. I need a change. I need to live again. Am I really as trapped as I feel? Change can't really be that hard. But I moved to a completely different state hoping for change, but the only thing that changed was my environment; it was the same shit, just a different place. This rut is not environmental; it's myself that needs to change.......

An elderly man was sitting alone on a dark path. He wasn't certain of which direction to go, and he'd forgotten both where he was traveling to and who he was. He'd sat down a moment to rest his weary legs, and suddenly looked up to see an elderly woman before him. She grinned toothlessly and with a cackle, spoke:

"Now for your *third* wish, what will it be?"

"Third wish?" The man was baffled

"How can it be a third wish if I haven't had a first and second wish?"

"You've had two wishes already," the hag said

"but your second wish was for me to return everything to the way it was before you had made your first wish. That's why you remember nothing; because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes." She cackled at the poor man, "so it is that you have one with left."

"All right," said the man "I don't believe this; but there's no harm in wishing. I wish to know who I am"

"Funny," said the old woman as she granted his wish and disapeared forever,

"That was your first wish."

- Planescape Torment




Deja Vu

2007-09-17T14:20:29.334+08:00

(image) It's becoming so hard to tell the difference between dreaming and being awake; another false awakening, another unconscious memory; existing in a state of perpetual deja vu. And it's so easy to believe your words, because in every whisper, I dream that what your saying is true. And I never understood why I always felt guilty when I was really happy; why I would sabotage great things in my life just to bring me back down. But now I'm realizing that it's just another defense mechanism; my subconscious warning me that if I feel this way there must be something wrong. And so now I'm fighting your words with the guilt that's welling up inside me, trying to shut out every word you say... trying to prolong this incipient madness.

The more I read what I write the more pathetic I become. Spilling out my insecurities for strangers to read, like a child screaming for attention. And I have run out of angles to view the same day, the same conversations; the same events that have played over and over for the last year. And I've become so claustrophobic in my tiny world of empty glances, absent minded production, and medicated sleep. I’m sick of hiding behind my computer, and yet I’m too much of a fucking pussy to stop hiding. The spells of dizziness and confusion are getting worse; and I think I'm beginning to hear the angel dying as I begin to see my real age showing on my face.
___________
Note:


Allow me to take this time to apologize to the people who have been victim of inconvenience because of my absence in blogdom especially with respect to the G* Spot Weblog Award. I was detained by work, family, personal matter and some offline shits! In relation to the September race, conferring with the group and c0gnizant of the "two" winners of the August Race - Shaney and Daniel. We are giving Shaney the August Spot and Daniel being the honorary winner of the said award will be getting the September G* Spot. (The Button will be emailed to you guys, sorry for the trouble) The G* Spot Weblog Award will resume on October. The List are getting long really.


Lastly, I really miss writing. So I hope this post will mark the end of my slumber.


To All those faithful readers - comrades and critics alike. Thank you so much.



Drowned

2007-09-10T13:06:31.376+08:00

I opened my eyes in confusion. I saw the dim shadows of the night-light dance on the water just in front of my eyes. The pounding in my head echoed the pounding of the water against it. I tried to regain full consciousness, I tried to push myself up off of my stomach, but I didn't have the strength for either, and my face fell pressed once again against the hard white acrylic tub. I choked on the steam when I inhaled, I knew the hot water falling on me from the shower head above would've been quite painful, were I able to feel anything. But I felt nothing at all, and that's exactly where I always want to be.

The screaming in my head became louder as the water level continued to rise, covering my nose. I lifted my head for a moment before it fell again in the dizziness and nausea that overcame me. I fumbled for the plug and pulled it out, suddenly becoming aware of giggling coming from outside the shower, and I fought again to figure out what I was doing here, to figure out what was going on, but the last thing I could remember was being at the cast party. I felt a hand scooping water out and pouring it again over my head, and swearing at how hot the water was. The water level still wasn't receding, I could no longer breath. I tried to lift my head again but almost threw-up from the dizziness. The heat of the water, the alcohol, the sleeping pills began to overtake me again as I slipped out of consciousness once more.

I awoke cold, naked, shivering on the bathroom floor, the sun light just beginning to peak through the blinds, as I tried to piece together last night's events. I tried to sit up but was overcome with dizziness again. I managed to open the bathroom door and crawl my way to my bedroom. I climbed up into my bed where you were sleeping. I pulled myself up to my pillow, pulling the blanket off of you and around me. I continued to shiver as I waited for the warmth to catch up with me. I felt your arms wrap around me, with a whispered "I love you" before my consciousness once again slipped away from me...



Dementia

2007-09-04T07:49:25.306+08:00

During night time, you sleep and leave the world of disarray and madness for the dim lit world of mundane abandoned fantasies. Your body makes unconscious movements while you walk the world of reveries and illusions.


As for me, while the entire world is sleeping, I wait for my love. And together we’ll roam the vast night sky.


It might be the lonely game I play - the quest for blood or the sensation of my body splitting into two or the dizzy feeling I get in the first few hours of the day.


Here I go again…

Here comes the pain that is slicing through my throat and the blood that is beginning to gush. My eyes started to embrace the color of the night. Tongues of fire with temperature unknown to human measures began to lash my skin. Pins started prickling through each part of my belly as if slicing it.


1....






2....






3....






And so the world slept and I conquered the world.


While the world was dreaming, I was on top of them all and I proclaimed, “Tonight my love, I offered you the world.”


The next morning, I woke up with my belly raging up with pangs of agony and pain. My throat feels rough and scarred and my tongue is all dried up. Every tinge of pain my body receives brings about bittersweet sensations that linger until the daylight fades again into the darkness that splits me into two.


Beside me lies a limb of an unknown creature with organs forcefully scathed out of its torn skin. The stench of this corpse irritated my nose extremely that I vomited a few paws and fingers. And so I rushed to the toilet with the feeling of regurgitation of the contents of my stomach and I give my best shot to dispose of it all. I cleansed my hands that were stained down to every bit of nail by crimson sticky solution.


My body is filled with a familiar scarlet substance, sticking its every entity with my skin. My stomach hurts like hell and I want to lie in bed for a few hundred hours. I was painfully exhausted.





For many centuries, I walked the world waiting for my love to come. All that came to me was things that guises as my love.


I conquered the world each night and offered to him the world.


And they said you had risen, while I was dreaming.


But then, I was, above all things, satisfied.



Our Right

2007-08-07T16:48:05.995+08:00

(image)


I’m staring into your beautiful eyes,
As we sit away from the world,
What people say about us is only lies,
There’s nothing wrong with me and you.

Gently I press my lips up to yours,
Knowing we’ll never be treated the same,
But I won’t hide behind locked doors,
My love for you is completely pure.

I know you’re a boy, and I am too,
But if you were a girl it wouldn’t be better,
You know it’s true that I’m in love with you,
But we still aren’t treated like that’s so.

Hold me close and hold me tight,
We can’t marry or be treated fairly,
But please, let’s never give up the fight,
This moment is perfect and so wonderful.

But one day the world will see us for who we are,
And know that there’s nothing strange,
They’ll grant us marriage everywhere, near and far,
We’ll one day be considered the same.

Though as I wrap my arms around you,
I know we’re pure and more in love,
Than any other two ‘straight’ fools
,
That’s all that matters between us.




Master and Slave: Chapter II

2007-07-23T14:21:21.547+08:00

There was a knock at the door. The boy raised his head to look at it. At last, Master had returned. But wait, if it was his master then he wouldn’t have knocked. Before he could tell whoever it was not to come in the door opened to reveal Kay.“Hey, I was-” Kay stopped and looked at the sight before him.The boy on the bed turned bright red, blushing deeply. How could he explain this? Here he was, tied to the bed, a vibrator running inside his ass, and he was obviously enjoying it.“Tristan, what happened?” Kay moved to the side of the bed.Tristan pulled away as Kay tried to untie the strips of cloth that tied him down.“Don’t,” He protested. “Don’t please.” He was almost crying. First his master left him here to take a phone call, now one of their roommates was getting mixed up in this. “Lex…” Tristan started to explain.“Lex did this to you?” Kay asked, shocked. “Where did he go?”Tristan looked away and felt his blush deepen. “He… got a phone call…” He mumbled.Kay sat down on the bed and Tristan bit his lip. This wasn’t right. Kay was supposed to be leaving now.“Well, that wasn’t very nice of him,” Kay said. He reached down and picked up the remote.Tristan’s eyes widened. “Don’t!” He protested, but Kay ignored him and set the vibrator to the highest setting. Tristan’s fingers and toes curled at once, automatically. He bit back a moan, but kept protesting. “Kay… No… Only Master-”“Master?” Kay repeated. “Is that what he’s doing? Training his own little slave?”Tristan blushed. “Its not-” He started, but Kay kept talking. Tanned fingers ran over the tied boy’s chest.“Hmm... You’re so sexy tied up like this. I wish Elliot would let me do this to him. He’d look so beautiful.” Kay reached down and grasped Tristan’s length.Tristan’s hips bucked forward at the touch automatically and he bit back a moan.“Only way to know is to ask him,” A voice said.Tristan looked up to see Lex in the doorway. “Master!” He gasped breathlessly. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry Master, I told him-“Hush,” Lex said and the boy was silent. His blue eyes moved to fix upon Kay.Kay smiled sheepishly and released Tristan’s erection. The small boy whimpered but was ignored.“Sorry,” Kay said. He got to his feet, still holding the remote in his hand. “I came here to borrow some lube. We seem to have run out.”Lex rolled his eyes and went to the cabinet. He produced a bottle, and then he did something strange. Tristan watched as his master pulled out some ropes too.“Give it a try,” He suggested. “Train your own little slave, don’t go taking mine.”Kay smiled and took the bottle and the ropes. “I will. Where is Ellie anyway?”“He’s down in the laundry room,” Tristan spoke up. He blushed and lowered his gaze at the glare that Master Lex gave to him. “Sorry Master,” He mumbled.Lex sighed and pushed Kay toward the door. “Go ahead. And keep those ropes. We’ve got plenty of better things to use.”Kay nodded and headed out the door. He stopped in the doorway and turned.“Oh, and here,” He said as he tossed the remote control for the vibrator at Lex. “Have fun, you two.”Lex watched the door until it closed, then rounded on Tristan, his eyes flashing dangerously.to be continued... http://khalelian.blogspot.com/atom.xml[...]



Master & Slave

2007-07-20T12:41:48.010+08:00

He knelt on the floor, naked, his gaze downcast. The flogger ran over his back, tracing down his spine. The boy shuddered slightly and stared hard at his hands, palms up on his knees. His master’s heels clicked on the cool hard wood floors as he walked around him in a slow circle.“You’ve been a bad boy,” The man purred. The flogger struck his back suddenly, leaving bright red marks on his pale skin. “You must be punished.”“Yes master,” He whispered softly.The cool leather strips of the flogger pressed against his face as his master returned to his front.“Kiss your tormenter, slut,” He growled.The boy did as he was told and kissed the flogger softly on one of the strips that pressed closest to his face. It was pulled away sharply and struck him across the face. Tears of pain formed in his eyes as red stripes formed on his cheek.“How many lashes shall it be this time?” His master asked.“As many as you deem fit, master,” The slave whispered softly. He had learned never to suggest something. His master would either find it too high or too low, and either way he’d be in more pain then he planned by the end of the night.“I think twenty is a fit number,” The man said after thinking it over.“Yes master,” He whispered.“On your hands and knees,” His master snapped and the boy obeyed.He got on his hands and knees, his legs spread as he’d been taught so that his master could see his sex dangling between his legs. The man smiled and stood above him. Without warning the flogger struck his round rear. His small body jerked slightly as he was struck a second time. The boy bit his lip as he felt pain shooting through him with each blow. He was struck on his rear and the backs and insides of his thighs. A welt began to bleed and his master smiled. He smeared the blood over the soft skin with his thumb as he rubbed the boy’s reddened ass.“You’re so beautiful,” He whispered. “Have I told you that?”“Yes master,” The slave said quietly. His master laughed.“You are a smart one.” He studied the boy and noticed that he had grown quite hard. “You enjoyed that, didn’t you, you little slut.” The man smacked the boy’s ass softly.He let out a small moan of pain.“Answer me, slave,” His master growled. “You must have enjoyed that.” The flogger moved down between his legs and rubbed against his swollen sex.He bit his lip. “Yes master,” He breathed. “Yes.”Suddenly the boy let out a cry of pain as the flogger snapped and struck his length. He squeezed his eyes shut and whimpered softly.“You slut,” His master growled. “You dirty little whore.” He dragged the boy up by his collar and pulled him into a deep kiss. His rough tongue forced its way into the youth’s mouth, invading it.The man pushed his slave down onto the bed as they kissed. The flogger fell forgotten to the floor. He kept their lips connected as he raised the teen’s arms and tied his wrists to the headboard with silk cloths. Then, finally, he pulled his mouth away. The slave leaned up, trying to reach him, and his master laughed softly.“So eager, my little pet. Patience.” He pressed a finger to the boy’s lips then moved down. He tied each leg to a bed post and then looked down at the youth.The boy watched his master as he reached over the edge of the bed for something. It was long and plastic. He gasped softly as it began to buzz. A vibrator. His master rubbed it against his hard cock.“Do you like that?” He asked. Before he could answer the vibrator was already being pushed in his small entrance.“Yes master,” The boy managed to whisper. It felt so good, rubbing against his inside walls. His master held the remote and he watched as the man pushed it up so that it went faster, rubbing agai[...]



Once There was A Boy

2007-07-18T11:37:26.453+08:00

(image)

Once there was a boy
Who gave his love freely
Loved everyone equal
Saw no one different

He though that the most precious gift
That he could give another
Was love and affection
Man, woman, friend or lover

So he lived in innocence and bliss
Happiness and contentment
Until that one day
That one fateful day

As he walked down the street
On the arm of his lover
And saw a man leaning up against a wall
Who looked like he could be having trouble
And walked over to the man
And dared to ask if something was wrong

He began to speak, and then he looked up
Looked at the boy and the young man with him
And his eyes grew dark and angry
Moved too fast for either of them

There was a flash of bright steel
A splash of crimson blood
And a torrent of horrible names
And the boy fell silently at the foot of his love
While the man ran, ran quickly away

And as the world grew soft and fuzzy 'round the edges
As he felt the shadows creeping in
He lay his trembling fingers on his lover's cheek
And said "Tell them you love them again
And again
And again
And again"

And his love didn't have to ask who he was talking about
He knew exactly who he meant
Not one person, but the entire world
So full of hate and resentment

And then the darkness closed in on the free spirit
The shadows bore him off to a place
Where saying "I love you" is never a fear
Where there's no pain or hurt or hate

His lover bore the small form away
The light of life gone from its eyes
It was no longer the youth he loved
But an empty shell his disguise
But he did as he asked
He never forgot
He spread his cheer and joy and frame
Of mind to others, trying to drive away the hate
And the whole time he felt the free spirit
Wrap his arms around him again and again and
Again and again and...

Hate brings nothing but pain and remorse
Bitter, red-stained tears
Intolerance a rough-edged sword
Stained with the blood of many years
And it cleaves through souls that otherwise
Have naught but love to give
It turns the world unlivable
Keeps alive all our fears

So if we open our eyes to others
If we see things from their side
If we can only be what we're meant to be
And never have to hide
When we're free to say "I Love You"
To whoever where we please
Then we'll know that this is paradise
Every spirit will be free



Khalel Versus Cairo

2007-07-18T10:13:51.968+08:00

I can feel your eyes bleeding through me. And every word of change you whisper creeps into me like a virus; and I fight to keep you from taking control. I am so fed up with your riddles; your manipulative games, why can't you just come out and fucking say what you want from me? I'm falling apart and all you're doing is folding the creases so I can be more easily torn. And still I can feel your whispers suffocating my soul.

I've cast you to the side, I've ground you into the dirt, and still you're here.
YOU FUCKING PARASITE!


My scream echoes in my head as I hear the accusation directed back toward me over, and over, and over, and over... What gives you the right to tell me who I am, and what I should be? I don't even know who I am; and I don't know who the hell you are.

And still your thoughts are diffusing through me, slowly being absorbed by every cell in my body; I'm being tainted in your lies, and still I refuse to admit that I've lost control. I can feel my sanity deteriorating with every passing hour, and I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to be able to hold out. The road to freedom looks more inviting every time I look at it; but to travel down it is to admit defeat, and I’m not giving up without a fight. But I feel my energy draining with your inaudible whispered venom that poisons me.

_____________

Just talking to my alter ego.

_____________

guys, bare with me. I am having trouble with the templates right now because of the recent crash of peek-a-boo widget.





Beautiful Kiss

2007-07-09T08:59:53.694+08:00

I could feel her breath upon my neck,Gentle soft and sweet.Her soft supple lips caressing my skin,Her fingers running through my hair.I breathed in deep,Taking in every part of her.My hands upon the gentle curve of her lower back,Holding her close.I feel her breasts press against mine,Firm, soft.Her lips traveling to my clavicle,As she gently glides her handUp andUnderMy shirt, tracing my spineFingering the small cold claspFinding their way up and under the elastic.Her fingertips dancing around my nipples,Teasing and enticing.As they become erect with anticipation.I sigh and entwine my fingers in her soft black hair.Our hearts now beating strong,She gathers the cloth of my shirtAnd gently lifts itup andovermy head. I do the same to her.Wild now with fervor she grabs me andPulls me close.Hard, forceful.Our hearts race as her fingertips unhook the clasp,Lower the straps down,Off my shoulders and down my arms.Placing her soft hands on my now bare shoulders she kisses my breasts,Glorifying every inch of my body,Her lips trail up my neck and to my ears,There she nibbles softly.Our lips again meet in a hot passion,Our breaths harder,Our heart beats quickening.She unbuckles my belt as I unbutton her pants.Simultaneous zips change the beat.Guiding me with her kiss,She guides me to the bed.Never do our lips partAs we shed our cotton cocoons,To reveal our soft,Bear,Vulnerable bodies.I feel her skin,Soft, warm, supple.Our eyes meet, our lips partHer eyes wild, beautiful.I follow her gaze as sheTravels down my body.Her fingers slip under the strap of my thongLifting it, pulling it,Drifting down my thighs,Past my ankles,Onto the floor.She smiles up at me.Entrancing, mysterious, seductive.I sigh with eagerness.Her hands glide up my legs,Over my thighs.Her fingertips linger by my pelvis,Guide themselves up my sides.Her lips kissing my stomach,She begins to bite and suck,Then her lips trial up my torso,Between my breasts,And up to meet my lips,Parted and ready.I sigh.Her fingertips begin to dance and singBetween my legs.Tenderly caressing and massaging.Our bodies press together hard, passionate.A voice escapes me andMingles with the stars,As she enters inside of me.Gentle, firm, methodical,She feels me inside,Gazing into my eyes,Looking for my soul,Trying to reach my heart.I throw my head back and moan in ecstasy,As she continues to massage and feel me.Pressing her body hard against mine,We move with the same fluid motion,With one heart, and one mind.My nails scratch into her back,As I hold her tightly.My fingers running through her hair,Holding on to her desperately.Her body lifts from mine.Once again she gazes into my eyes,And kisses me.Her eyes widen and she smiles big,As she feels my fingers slide down her abdomen and enter her.She is warm and wet,Wanting me, yearning for me.Together we flow as one, moan as one,Moving in unison.Our bodies hot,I kiss her neck and shoulders,And taste her saccharine perspiration.She lifts her body from mine,Her fingers leaving me, and mine leaving her.She kisses me,And moves down my body.Her tepid wet saliva trailing down my body.Slowly she kisses my stomach,My pelvis,Slowly, teasing,Heading toward her destination.She places her hands on my hips,I moan,She kisses.Softly, then forcefully.Sucking, licking, nibbling.She massages my thighs,I breath hard.My voice gets stronger.My soul sings and my heart pounds.She glides her right hand up my side,And it interlocks with mine.Sucking, licking, nibbling.I squeeze her hand hard,And licks harder in response.Her fingers join the dance.Her tongue and her fingers working as one,Heightening my senses.Breathing harder, louder,Flowing faster, stronger.My eyes widen and a smile erupts on my fa[...]



The Reality

2007-06-26T15:25:20.600+08:00

STRAIGHT PEOPLE - TRY THIS. Imagine you have a deep dark secret. It can be anything, it doesnt matter. Now imagine that if you told people this secret you would be ridiculed, hated, looked at like you are a freak. Imagine how badly you want to tell someone your secret. Imagine your fear of a persons reaction if you tell them your secret. Imagine you tell someone the secret, but it leaks out and soon everyone knows. Imagine people whispering and pointing at you as you walk down the hall. Imgine people staring at you as if your a freak, as if there is something wrong with you. Imagine people throwing their lunches at you or spitting on you as you walk across the courtyard at lunch. Imagine people taunting you with names that hurt you like a bullet. Now open your eyes. Gays go through this every day. We don't have to imagine. For us, its reality.I'm a bi who wishes she was straight because i'm sick of hiding, sick of the heartache and i'm tired of not knowing what will happen what friends i'll lose next what words i'll let slip and what questions i have to avoid answering.I am the boy who never finished high school, because I gotcalled a fag everyday.I am the girl kicked out of her home becauseI confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.I am the prostitute workingthe streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.We are the parents who buried our daughter longbefore her time.I am the man who died alone in the hospital becausethey would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.i am the gay teenager who cant tell his school who he really is, because he is afraid of what they will do to himi am the gay athlete who wants to use the lockerroom, but hears the ridicule of homosexuality just outsidethe doori am the gay friend that only has a few people who actuallycare, but hardly get to seei am the gay boy that wants to cry whenhe hears fag, gay, or homo in a way that makes me feel less humaneI am the foster childwho wakes up with nightmares of being takenaway from the two fathers whoare the only loving family I have everhad... I wish they could adopt me.I am not one of the lucky ones. Ikilled myself just weeks beforegraduating high school. It was simply toomuch to bear.I'm the girlwho was scoffed at by her teacher whenshe confided in her she might have acrush on a girl. - RejectifiedTomatoWe are the couple who had therealtor hang up on us when she foundout we wanted to rent a one-bedroom fortwo men.I am the personwho never knows which bathroom I should use ifI want to avoid gettingthe management called on me.I am the motherwho is not allowed toeven visit the children Ibore, nursed, and raised.The court says I aman unfit motherbecause I now live with another woman.I am the girlwho hides under lies just to feel that she belongs.I am the girl thatlost her two best friends because they were gay aswell.I am thehegirl that spent heart breaking nights holding her gaycousin until he criedhimself to sleep.I am the girl who lost her bestfriend because shefound out she had a crush on her.I am the kid whoseown parentstold her that she was going to hell.I am the girl who getsintrouble with her parents for wearing a rainbow colored belt and hanging aposter of Freddie Mercury on her wall.I am the domestic-violencesurvivor who found the support systemgrow suddenly cold and distantwhen they found out my abusivepartner is also a woman.I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.I am the father who has never hugged his son because Igrew up afraid to show affection to other men.I am the person w[...]



Butterfly

2007-06-21T08:26:31.512+08:00

(image)
Silk wings scar eyes of evil. Flowing with the wind without effort or struggle. He flies, forever falling but ceasing to touch the ground.

He walks through the crowd of people making their way to jobs. He does not know them but they know him. He easily becomes the topic of conversation. He is classified as a freak or a creep. If only they took a second to look to understand, maybe possible someday their expressions would change.

Only few unknowingly accepted portions of his sorrow, his sanity. He couldn't blame the people around him. He almost thought of signing himself into the mental hospital himself.

Suddenly, lost in thought he tripped. Falling through the air with a sick feeling in his stomach, his spontaneous flight was stopped.

'Oh no, oh no, oh no. I cant take another person's screams. I don't want them to yell at me. I've heard enough I...'

But no one uttered a word. He rested there in the stranger's arms for only a few seconds, which seemed like an eternity.

"Your skin. It's so cold." The stranger spoke in a husky tone.

He looked into the stranger's eyes and brushed away an ebony tress from his forehead. Realizing he was still in his arms he regained his balance.

"I am so sorry. I didn't mean to, please. It was just an accident. Forgive me." The smaller one said glancing into the stranger's eyes again.

"Sure. But on only one condition."

The ebony haired one sighed and nodded his head quickly. His eyes widened and he awaited his task.

"Meet me at this same place tonight around 10:00."

He nodded uncomfortably and turned to walk away. He felt the stranger grasp is arm.

"By the way I didn't catch your name."

"It's Ryan." Ebony said

"Mine's Michael. Don't ever forget that."



Sacrificial Lamb

2007-06-19T14:02:20.570+08:00

(image)

I am silent
and crying on the inside
I have nothing to repent
tears are collecting in my eyes
I have nothing to hide
with every falsehood
a part of me died
I shouldnt have to do this
I shouldnt have to fake who I am
just, so You wont be uncomfortable
I wont be Your sacrificial lamb
but, I take that step back
and hide from Your glares
hoping You wont see me
and start to stare
while I tremble in Your distaste
with My eyes glistening with tears
My soul aches to be free
and My unseen fears
are slowly solidified.


________

Note:


I will never succumb to someone who plays GOD and believes that he is one. NEVER for a Christian Wolf.



The Artificial Heart

2007-06-18T07:53:54.636+08:00

(image)
Many of us claim to know what it is to be coldhearted, but only a few of us are truly empty enough to enjoy the pain of others… A memory came to me recently, of what I did to you, what was done to you, one of the greatest battles of my life…

It was raining that night…do you remember? Deep in the evening we lay together from a long night of passions… And suddenly you awoke. You wrapped your arms around me, and held me close…if only you could have seen the disgust in my eyes when I felt this…weakness, emanating from you. Hands searching everywhere, for something…Soft kisses here and there, candied touches under the sheets. Had you realized the part of me you couldn’t find did not exist? Did you truly believe your passions were mutual?

Keep me close; tell me your deepest secrets. I am all you will ever need, and more than you will ever dream of. You wanted to tell me something, whisper a dream I didn’t want to hear, so bare you had become, all of you revealed, assuming for some ridiculous reason that a bit of trustful intimacy meant all had been given to you. I already knew what was coming, and I already knew you were mistaken. Such a fool.

Three words you whimper to me, three little words, that shattered my perfect landscape. A spell torn out of my artificial heart, time for you to see the open door, my true eyes; the fact that I cannot respond to any feelings you have for me, for I own none… no three words from me, I have no words… no soft cries, or sweet glances, stolen kisses, warm caress… hearts open and bare for the taking… I do not have such things…

The devil is my Father, and I his light.

I peel you off of me swiftly, and arise from bed in one soft sigh. A sweet despair is taking over me, all my dreams lost and ruined from your simple confession. I quickly pace around the room, getting dressed as I walk. In shock you jump up, confused by my actions…”What are you doing?” But I simply ignore you and continue with my task of getting the hell out of here. The rain is so loud, I fear it will come crashing in through the windows…You come closer and grab me by the shoulders, searching my face for answers...I look away, I can feel your body tremble as tears begin to fall. I wish I could taste them…I let you pull me close, kiss me deeply; as if that would keep me in your arms… I giggle softly, such weakness. I can’t stand it.

As I walk out into the rain I can still hear you crying out for me…But it is meaningless, a pointless sound coming from a pointless being. My spell is gone, all the charms gone stale. Sparkling starlight has no place here now. Glass slippers only disappoint. Such a fool.



The Crypt

2007-06-13T08:35:30.406+08:00




Dreamin'

2007-06-12T09:34:58.222+08:00

(image) "morning cigarette."


A single candle light, a single flame; a single drop of heat in a frozen paradise. And all I want to do is submerge it all into the deepest, coldest ocean. Conjure a wish from the brightest star reflected on the surface, and hold it inside as I burry deep beneath the ocean waves; plunging deeper with you into infinite depths. A lifeless paralyze in oblivion, entangled around each other; drowning in another dream.

I woke up again, and was not entirely sure of where I was; only that I had been there before. A voice I didn't recognize was heard through the door. "khalel, are you awake yet? Hurry up, you're going to be late." I never asked; I never felt any desire to know. Who was the voice? I think deep down inside I knew; but I don't think I really cared. I needed a morning cigarette; could I smoke in here? Somehow I felt that it wouldn't really matter. I found my cigarettes still in my pant pocket. I robe a towel to cover my nakedness as I slowly smoked the cigarette. I got up and slowly explored the room, or what little of it there was to explore. And, for some reason outside of my understanding, I had no interests in what was beyond the door to the room; in fact I was afraid to open it.

Finally a knock came on the door and I choked on my voice and slowly stood up to see you peek into the door and then enter. And there you were, in all that I had known, and I felt myself drowning again. Fighting the undertow to take another gasp of air. Just let go. Let the waters heal the pain. "Hi" I whispered with a subtle blush, looking at the ground. No reply came, but I was too unnerved to look up. And I realized that you were talking, but I wasn't listening at the same phase of your voice, and as I turned my head to focus on your voice I began falling again. And as I fell I realized I was descending once again in the depths of water. The deeper I descended the darker it became until the water no longer carried the greenish-blue tint, and I became lost; shivering in absolute darkness...




Flip

2007-06-12T12:20:22.167+08:00

(image)
Sweet, delicious moans fell from those pale parted lips, long fingers writhing and twisting in the hair of the angel above. A shallow thrust from slender hips brought a ragged sigh and an accompanying arch. Like a whore, legs were already obscenely spread to reveal that delightfully tight place.

“Harder! Oh, God, harder! Please!” the intoxicating words were merely the invitation he had already accepted. But deeper he wanted, and deeper he went.

The lackadaisical rotation of svelte hips quickly turned to savage ways. Thrust upon thrust, he drove deeper and deeper within; the flesh ripping and the suddenly tightened passage bleeding, ensuring the silkiest screams were gained from his bed-partner’s throat.

Oh, God. That burning now, so unbelievably deep. Twisting pain spirals along the length of insides, spreading the fire, worsening that ache. The world has already gone a searing white, or maybe his eyes are closed; either way, the sudden jolt of the built up orgasm blinds him further into a spinning cacophony of pained release.

That heavy shaft is still doing its damage inside; still not done, but almost there, speeding up to a feverish and animalistic pace before that last grinding drive throws him over the final threshold of pleasure.

Harsh, panting groans were the music of the air, a melodic note added to the euphony as the auricomous pretty withdrew from the atramentous god beneath. Breaths quickened once more as lips united in a bruising kiss, the aphotic one’s specialty, and ice touched crystal met doleful titian.

“It’s my turn to be on top,”



furious

2007-06-08T15:23:59.662+08:00

(image)
Your words dig deep
Driving further into my breast
Ripping open my cage
As splinters of bone
And gristle
Fly in every which direction
As my exposed heart
Embraces the encroaching darkness
The midnight filth
Poisoning my system
Black oil spreading
With each beat
Of my festering heart
Coating my system
With slick depression
Washing away hope
Watering the seeds
Of doubt and decay
Sprouting saplings
Of pure hate
As a snarl
Of pure fury
Tears across my face
As tears of rage
Coarse down my face
Teeth clenched
Blood boiled beyond belief
My fists ball up
And draw back
Beating the ignorance
Out of you


__________
Note:
Just a piece on Gay Bashing.

Last Sunday, I learned from a friend that One of his friend has been killed together with the another friend, another is still in the hospital.

The scenario: Their families launched a search party to look for group for not being off from their scheduled returned from a beach vacation - their decomposing bodies has been found somewhere Cavite.



Hiprocrisia

2007-06-05T12:45:57.008+08:00

(image)
Cause if one love is right

Then the other is wrong

Their plastic messiahs sing songs
Of redemption

Paving their paths in some divine direction Injection of faith

Like a drug

Settle down

They’ll sedate a smile right out of that frown Facedown

On the road leading out of this town
You don’t know where you’re going,
All you’ve got is the ground
And the earth in your ears that is blocking the sound
Of a thousand beloved as their soul you impound

All you’ve got is the ground



The crusade for hatred, the veil growing thin
The mask of the righteous not hiding their sin
And within their own reaches
The Son they revere
Is watching the downfall of all he held dear
What’s been done unto others
Is travesty black
And the love between brothers
Is starting to lack
An attack
On the life so in death we are safe
Though the means with the morals are starting to chafe

So the golden bell tolls on the day of the dead
And the wicked are sent to repent for blood bled
But what if those waiting to fulfil this dread
Are but insects and animals waiting for bread?

This senseless betrayal would all be for naught
This dogged devotion would all be forgot
The music eternal just numb white sound

All you’ve got is the ground
All you’ve got is the ground

________________

Note:

this piece about those who use religion, specifically Christianity, as an excuse for hatred and discrimination. It started off in my anger over the abuse and misuse of the phrase "Christian morality" as an argument against gay marriage, and moved on to encompass the general hypocrisy of the far Christian right.


Don't reprimand me for taking the Lord's name in vain when you're touting Jesus Christ as a pretext for violence and injustice. I just don't understand what's so difficult to grasp about love.



duwag

2007-06-06T16:27:27.224+08:00

My jeans find their ways around my ankles. Crawling and sliding and you take my head back in your hands, big hands, man hands. Holding my neck as if to snap it, but now to love it, and I’m on your pillow, holding your pillow tight. kiss my back and roll me over, I wish you didn't breathe so much, I wish we didn't have to do this. you've locked the door and I’m watching it, my head turned sideways as not to suffocate in the pillow and your so heavy up on top of me, you smell like sweat and you breath so deep. can't we be done now?My brothers is outside the door with your other friends and you say "down soon" and they leave, what would they do if they knew? they couldn't still call you a friend, what do you think they'd do to you? I wish I could scream out to him, and tell him save me, tell him help me, tell him make it go away. I wish I could tell him that you've touched me, that you kiss me, on my mouth and on my arms and on my chest and down and down and down and down, stop it. I wish I could tell him that I suck you and you like it, that you fuck me and you love it, in your bed, on my bed surrounded by the toys I don't let watch me, that I won't look at again coz they all smell of you, and my sheets smell like you. I hear my brother walking down your hall and back down your stairs, why doesn't he come back? please come back, fucking please come back, come back. I ask Jesus to bring him back but he’s down your stairs and laughing with his friends again. I Want to scream for him, but I can hardly breathe, and I can't cry and I can't move, Jesus please bring him back. why does nobody come for me? I don't understand the way you love me, the way you call me beautiful but hurt me, I don't understand the things we do or why we do them, and way I just wish I would fucking die when you sit me up there on your lap, or close my eyes so I can't see what scares me. the things I don't understand you drill into my mind, into my body and I learn so fast, we're in your little bed room and it all runs like clockwork the days I don't ask questions.If my brother knew don't you think he'd kill you? Don't you think he'd rip off your fucking cock and make you eat it you sick fucking son of a bitch? Don't you think he'd let everyone know that your a faggot and you make his little brother one to, day by day, drill by drill, breath by breath and it's killing me? Why doesn't he come back? don't you think he'll come back? I bet he'll come back. I bet he'll come back and find us with your cock in my throat, and you'll be breathing and then you won't pass the blame, then you won’t pass the blame when he's kicking the shit out of you faggot. He doesn’t come back. No one ever comes back.I don't tell. standing with the blood rushing to my hands and my feet, hearing it thudding in the veins in my brain, almost 10 years on now and I’m pretty much a man myself. Mirror mirror on the wall who’s the crying coward? and you're all I think about, you're all I think about. I saw you in church when you were baptized on a Sunday in June, I saw your sins swim away in the water, demons drowning with my name on their lips. I'm so afraid we'll die the same day and you'll be waiting for me in heaven, and when I get there I won't speak, just lay down and roll over, listen to my brothers laugh down your stairs, but so muffled by your breathing. I wish I could find a tongue to talk with, find the words to paint my[...]