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Preview: The Legend of Altug

The Legend of Altug

Updated: 2014-10-07T14:24:32.940+11:00




Hey Altug fans, there's a new Altug animation here, check it out!


Storytime with Altug


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Ive been meaning to do an Altug animation for some time now. This one i did for a monthly Animation Festival, Secret Handshake.
I actually had a longer recording of Altug telling a story but didnt have time to animate it all. Perhaps ill get it done sometime and post that up too...

But for now, enjoy the first ever Altug Animation!!

The Phone Call - Part 2


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The Phone Call - Part 1


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We have lost the Kids


Dear All,Well today, as many of you may know, was the last day of operation for Balwyn's 7-11. From all reports apparently it is going to be turned into another brand or enterprise all together, but the demise of the 7-11 has attracted a great deal of sadness in the community. I echo that sadness. Indeed, in many ways the 7-11 represented many aspects that have been missing from the Coles Express I have been working for these past few years. It is a terrible thing to admit here on this day but sadly folks Coles Express through its process of implementing so-called "policies and products" to "Revolutionise" the customer-service experience has meant that we have lost the loyalty of a most important demographic in Balwyn, the kids. The cool homies, the pretty girls, the wannabe-gangsters, the scooters/bike ridin' rebels, the lolly pop suckers, the schoolies and the alternative emos to name a few.But this did not happen overnight, this was a culmination of different things happening over a period of a few years that created this outcome that we have today. But first, we shall start at the beginning. When I began at Coles Express, it was very much an enterprise that still lived within the world of "Petrol Convenience" that Shell mostly competed in. Let it said that I was hired and trained by Coles but many of the systems, products and the overall design was all Shell. To elaborate, what the "old" store had was a mailing service (in which local residents could collect mail from us and therefore didn't have to endure the inefficiency of the Post Office), it had a photocopier machine that charged 20c for an A4 copy, we offered a fax service, we had a huge range of confectionery products like Hubba-Bubba's, a selection of birthday cards for the convenience of any customer that would like to give a card at the middle of 11:43pm, Life-savers and all those sugary delights with the virtue of it being cheaper than the milk bar (delivered with better service no less!), a broad chips selection including Kettle chips (which for some reason were banished when the store got renovated), an actual oil/auto section that had a good selection and functionality and most importantly we had a whole row of classical (and identical to 7-11's) trademark Slurpee machines. I remember those nights when many a cool homie (a very pretty lady) would descend upon the store to buy a Slurpee, giving me the pleasure of joking about, conversing about their respective days and not to mention the current trends in the ghetto. Sometimes a whole group young homies would come down, it was a great way to let the time go by and it made the place fun.The affect was that the Coles Express was a pretty busy place, a lot of folks went in and went out. However, the winds of change were coming. Now the store was never perfect per se and yes, it would be good for a bit of a renovation but overall the plan to drastically change a petrol station into a wannabe supermarket equipped with its own "deli" section was preposterous in theory and a disaster in practice. So some genius in the company decided to renovate the place, give it a new look, new register area, big bold images of food products, a "welcome" sign and a "goodbye" sign just in case the store had an inept employee who didn't say, "Have a nice day". The genius' at HQ also thought that the pièce de résistance of the entire renovation would be to put a giant deli fridge in the middle of the store full of cheese, bacon, useless microwave burgers, pasta (?), pasta sauce, a soup range, eggs, a duplicate fruit drink section just in case the customers were too lazy to walk the additional 5 metres to the fridge and yogurt (fruity and normal) to name a few things. They also decided that the community does not need a photo-copier, a fax service, birthday cards nor a mailing service. The outcomes that come from decisions like these are obvious, but the thinking behind them was based very much in the short term. "Oh I [...]

The Donut Comic


I dont often write posts, least non-comic ones, in fact ive kind of made a point of not posting. This is Altug's blog, and you readers are here for his words, not mine. But i felt i had to write a post about the infamous Donut Comic. Being a good friend of the Almeister ( you're welcome Mr. Kayi :P ) i talk with him at length about the comics and their content. Quite often we'll collaborate on the story, quite a few are adaptations of the stories of real life events at the store, like the time government types abducted him for some secret space mission, for the Almeister enjoys telling tales about his exchanges as much as his fans do on his facebook groups..The Donut Comic was one of the stories that originated in this fashion. One day, almost 2 years ago now Altug tells me the story of an irrate customer who was quite profusely upset about there being no donuts to go with his coffee, even though the sign clearly stated that if you bought a coffee you were also entitled to a free donut.This story was gold, and what made it even better was that this was to be the comic that introduced Altug's fellow co-worker and loyal lackey, Locky. So excited and inspired i quickly take pen to the page and scribble down this story. There was only 1 problem. I had the general plot, the storyboard mapped out, but the story itself was never written down, i was completely lacking the dialogue.Now ive known the Almeister a long time, but even i cannot completely replicate the Great Kayi's way with words, especially when he gets into one of his rants, and boy did this comic contain one doosy of a rant. The great Sages themselves wouldve bowed in praise to the way he entwined the humble donut to the very core structure of the universe. So without the words iwas unable to complete the comic.On top of that, it was at this time that all that fuss started. The interrogation and harrassment by the corporate body that prevented Altug from feeling free to post his thoughts and pretty much shut us down for 6 months or so. During that respite the Donut Comic kind of got lost, forgotten. It wasnt for almost another year before it resurfaced and i vowed to finish it off. By this time the process and style of the comic had almost completely changed so i took to redrawing the entire Donut Comic. I still needed the dialogue for it though, but alas the Almeister had almost no recollection of the original exchange and so the text he provided for me upon request was made up, based off the outline of the story as i retold it to him. Still more time then passed as the Donut Comic got pushed back to the sidelines as the more recent tales took precedence over this half finsihed shambles of a comic. Finally though im going to rework this comic for you and get it posted, for 2 years is too long to go untold. First though i just wanted to explain a little of the history behind this comic to show its journey and importance to both me and Altug.So next up is the 3rd? redrawing and 2nd telling of the fabled Donut Comic - Introducing Locky!Thanks for listening, and fear not, in the future ill be leaving the wordplay to kayi and just stick to the drawing. Go to your Destiny ppl![...]

Wicked Wizards Panic Pork!


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Happy Valentine's Day


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Apologies for the lack of comics lately,
kinda went on a month long birthday bender.
Enjoy the late Vals Day comic!

The Power of Authority and Hugs in the streets


I think I wouldn't be the first to admit that at my beloved workplace, like many retail enterprises, have many an occasion where there are uncontrollable queues. Indeed, it is truly daunting and very easy to empathise with the customers having to wait to be served. Indeed, even with the spectacle and effective display of the attendant (ie. yours truly) using two registers, it can still be chaotic and still busy.Yesterday something interesting occurred in the midst of the chaos, as I was serving I was very lucky to have the long arm of the law inside the store. Indeed police officers choose the 'Express for their fuel requirements because of our obvious superior service and our strong, almighty, patriotic adherence to the law and/or regulation. So as I was served the customers are an increased pace, I could not help but notice the police officer constantly checking into his intercom. All of a sudden the police officer stated to me, "Hey we'll pay for the petrol later. Something has come up" I was shocked....First time ever a customer has unilaterally declared that they were not paying for petrol. Obviously I understood and happily let the good officer to do so without apply the standard, bureaucratic "Cheapo-can't-pay-Or-forgot-my-wallet" drive-off policy. The customers were also bewildered, some dangerously stating "Gee, I didn't know you could do that!??!?!" Though I assured the customers that the Po-lice would return because I wouldn't want NWA's views of the Po-lice being vindicated. "Folks, just a standard thing of authority, I am sure there are some clever bandits somewhere robbing a near by bank or something knowing that the sometimes slow pace of service would help to hinder the long arm of the law!" One customer lovingly replied to my improvised explanation with, "My house better not have been robbed because of this queue" Off-course 25 minutes later the Po-lice did show up and paid. Is there a moral to this story? Perhaps it's that notion the Po-lice hold a very special place in our society...Though some pinkos would easily acknowledge that the Po-lice's actions represent yet another conspicuous display of "state-power machismo" overriding the common person of his/her civil liberties in the name of beating the "terrorists". Although there is a special poetry attached to NWA's "Fornicate the Po-lice" that allows common citizens to use as a barometer to gauge the behaviour of the Po-lice. Keep it real y'all ***On to another quick note. I must say that I am very lucky on occasion to be spotted by a well-known customer in a street, the gym, the movies but on Saturday night at about 3:30am in the city; I was on my merry way home after a wonderful night and as I was walking toward my car. As I passed this nightclub queue, someone yelled out "Hey its Altug! Yo Yo Yo" I was bewildered at first and then I proceeded to say hello when another bunch of folks also said the same thing..."Yo its Altug!" "Look its Altug!!" I said "Hello Y'all it's truly great and unique to see customers at 3:30am in the City yo, shaking the booty I presume?"...Though I do not recall some of the conversation, I do remember also stating "Well folks I think that this is a great time for a group hug" and to my wondrous amazement about 8 people starting hugging was speciallll as Br-uce M-aca-Vaney says it. There you are folks, if you see yours truly please ask for your own complimentary hug! It's always good to get a great group hug in the middle of 3:30am! [...]

Enter SanderS!


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Happy New Hair!


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.. and Hedges


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A Sociological Observation...


Dear All,

Having had the privilege to work at the great 'Express on a part-time basis has allowed me, like many aspiring undergraduates out there, to not on earn a mere wage but to also observe interesting social patterns and behaviours. Studying a Social Work degree, I have been able to learn skills of "engagement" and in addition I have always had a liking to sociology.

Which leads me to talk about the power and meaning attached to bow-ties. You remember bow-ties, the tie's proverbial cute, endearing brother. Before I started work, I would never really bothered to think about bow-ties...I mean in my mind they probably on existed during the 1940's and 1950's when bow-tied goons would go on witch-hunts after rotten pinko-communistas, armed with old style baseball bats and even terrible, incoherent "New-Joes-sy" accent. Oh how I was wrong to say the least.

Indeed, it must be said that each and every time a middle aged (40ish and above) gentleman has come into the store sporting a patterned, bow-tie they have been a Professor of something. Now, by experience, I have had about 15 folks with self-tied patterned bow-ties and the first few times I asked what kinda of "Doctor" they were, as indicated on their flybuys card (yep you can have Dr. on your flybuys card, a post for another occasion). They often respond by saying that they are not merely "doctors" well its kinda like this:

Altug: OOOOooOoOOoOOOoOOooOOoooooOo....Doctor..Sir are you a doctor of Medicine or of something else?

Bow-tie customer: Professor of medicine actually.

Altug: Wow! Cool bow-tie!

It was kinda strange after it happened with different customers after the fifth time. Bow-ties...why bow-ties? Perhaps in the mind of an academic genius, the bow-tie represents a kind of alternative, an intellectual and unique way of presenting one-self compared to say the standard business tie (half windsor style off-course) which exudes a kind of multi-national corporate arbiter willing to maximize profits at any cost. I am perplexed by it.

For any social researchers out there, perhaps a study to look at the sartorial habits of Academics. Because the freaky thing is that, after the fifth time of asking I simply assumed the other times that the other customers that I have served with bow-ties were Professors of something and strangely they were...



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Attack of the TSG!


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Transfer Assignment


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Dear All,It has been a long, tiresome yet miraculously fun day. Having had 5 hours of sleep, I felt super-confident that Super-Happy-Fun-Day would be a test of my customer service skills, not to mention my ability to clean wind-screens and off-course do some pumping, free pumping.So, the concept of the day is to build greater rapport with our customers in replicating "Good-Ol'-Fashioned" convenience-fuel station industry practices. It is often good publicity when you drive into the petrol forecourt to find 5 raving maniacs jump out of no-where with squeegees running up to your beloved automobile, pouring water over it and cleaning it like a pit-team at the Grand Prix. So on this magical day of sorts, I decided to be on the forecourt. I was keenly waiting for the first car to come in so that I can pounce and offer these excellent free services!So I waited...........and I waited. So for 5 minutes good old minutes, I stood around talking "corporate gossip" with my fellow grease monke....oh..I mean co-workers. Things like "Did you hear that this manager got this KPI by this much!???" and "Man, Smith's """strategy""" for their degenerate "create-your-own-flavour" chips was poor" and lots of endlessly, at nonsense nodding.."So Corp' was going this way" -N0d aimlessly- "And So we formulate that we are going to create this program involving -no idea-" -Nod aimlessly- "So we are going in this direction, ETA 6 months this going getting off the floor"-Nod aimlessly- nothing said, Nod aimlessly. Thankfully the first customer came into the forecourt, "yippee!" I thought, my neck was beginning to hurt after all that aimless corporate-style nodding. The first vehicle was this kind of old bomb-like vehicle with an even older, psuedo-charismatic old man with even older clothes, or so it seemed. I ventured forward and I boldly proclaimed "Sir-today-is-a-special-day-it-is-super-happy-fun-day!!-hooray-now-let-me-pump-your-car" and jumped about in excitement. The old man came out of his vehicle, back slightly hunched, he gave me a look and said "What are you doing, I couldn't understand a single word" I quickly explained the wonderful, super-day and as a great as the service seemed he felt that he would pump his own car...thank you very much. But I did offer to clean his windows, that he couldn't disagree with. I mean, getting your windows clean..who could disagree? I am glad I asked because in total during the day, there were only two other customers that rejected the whole "clean and pump" service. In the midst of all this quietness, alongside the corporate gossip, my co-workers decided to imitate some my more sillier reactions and welcomes. It was very pleasing to see my behaviour being imitated, I sensed that finally after all these years that I was having a positive affect on the people I was working with though I have been advised by my lawyers that if these behaviours become a catalyst for going insane and getting incarcerated then by all means it was all that aimless nodding that did it. Some of the gestures imitated was the the arms-wide-open-welcome-pose, they would shout to me simultaneously "Welcome back Sir!" To which I would laugh to, off-course. It would be quite amusing simply because they would also do while I am talking to a customer, explaining super-happy-fun-day. Funny stuff. For Example: Altug: "So Sir, that's why we are pumping you for free"Co-Workers in the background: "Welcome Sir!!!" In the first hour it was rather quiet, but the last hour was the complete opposite. Therefore, we had to literally just run about, seeing where we coul[...]



Dear All, Well beginning anything with the use of CAPITAL LETTERS would always create a sense of artificial expectation. I find that in this case though, this is a tale that is worth applying to the title. But before I delve into the story of this film I must acknowledge the lack of posting that has occurred. A possible recreation of what occuredSad to say that the folks at the organisation I work for do not seem to appreciate this form of outreach that I do on occasion. I am sorry to all of you (anyone out there?) for my absence, I will try to make more regular contributions when I can. However, it must be noted that this is dependent on the extent to which I am not hauled in and have to disappear. Nonetheless, it is great to be back writing for you to read, perhaps even enjoy! So, back to the story. Many in the community have heard on the grapevine about a film being made about me. Indeed, these stories are true. It all started about 2 months ago, when on a rosy afternoon, I noticed an email message having been received by a young charismatic filmmaker. It was kinda interesting because I met this filmmaker at a regular customer's super-duper san-reno-located New Year's Eve party! OFF-TANGENT TIME!! "The tragic tale of Stephen Chu!" Well it was Wednesday 31st of December 2008, I was very lucky in having been given an invitation to a regular customer's birthday party. Indeed, this was a great customer, he even offered to drive me down to his party place. The plan was to meet at 5:30pm at the Coles Express I regularly work for. This was a fine idea, considering that I could see how the guy that was covering my shift was going and if there were any issues. So being the good invitee that I am, I dressed-up and even did my hair. Actually the hair did itself, I applied some gel and there seemed to be a kind of world war 2 going on up there but it turned out relatively well! Horray! Anyway, I went down to the 'Express. To summarize how the place looked on that sunny afternoon in a sentence, it was a literal warzone. The forecourt was packed with about 20 cars, many waiting to even fuel up, the store was full of people up to the back of the store, a delivery was being made. It was like one of those really bad, Soviet-era-operated supermarkets.....ugh... My recollection at the time was that the cover must have died and that the people were still waiting to be served. Thankfully the customer service guy wasn't dead, sadly his customer service was. Everyone, meet Stephen Chow, a 47 year old, half-bald stocky asian guy. When I went inside, no kidding, I actually heard a few mutterings of "Thank God" and "Where were you?" Was this the time that Balwyn's folk hero jumped on the other side of the counter to save the day? Sadly not, for because of my "casual clothing" I wasn't allowed technically to do anything, much to my own regrets today. Now the thing about our friend Stephen, my hero for actually covering my night shift that day, was that he hadn't worked for 3 months, never been inside the store before and didn't even know how to operate the register! I watched as this man, waddled (not walked) around the console area like the kind of incompetent that even Mr.Bean would laugh at. He was like a blind man trying to hit a fly with a shoot gun inside of a tiffany's store. He didn't know how to authorize pumps for petrol consumption, give cash out or even speak at an standard pace of communication. I looked on amazed at what I was seeing, the 'Express' most incompetent worker. I was [...]

Beam me up, Scotty!


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Altug Vs. Boring Robots



The Original Altug Comic


Hey gang, the other day as i was going through some old stuff i came across an amazing discovery. The Holy Grail sorta thing.. the motherload...

First let me take you back to a time before now, before the world as we know it. Here we have a young Altug, full of pip n vinegar, young brash and angry at the world.. or at least at certain entertainers residing in it. Even back these those early days, before Altug charmed so many of your hearts, we could see he was destined for great things, a man amongst men. And back then, much like today Altug and I had many a long conversation bout things, things i in turn thought should be visually told, immortalizing the Tug. And to think even though those times passed and were forgotten, the world turns, and now in the present we are back to the same routine, while the old pages sat gathering dust..

(image) But yes! they were reclaimed.. i found the original altug comic! This discovery just had to be shared with you all, so i got ready to digitize it.. alas.. I left the pages on my desk overnight and awoke the next day to find them all sitting in my bathtub soaked through an dclumped together!! Complete tragedy! Im not quite sure wat evil powers were at work that night trying to thwart my efforts, but fear not i wont let them prevail. The Original comic of altug will be told.. i will try and repair the lost pages form their waterdamaged state and get them out to you, the people, post haste!!